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Bobby Ryan: Overcoming Adversity | E10 · In Search Of Excellence

• 0:00
  Bobby Ryan: Never let any kind of outside voice dictate the way you're going to live your life.
• 0:02
  Bobby Ryan: Whether that's a good inside or good outside voice or negative or positive, just don't let them wear you down I guess right or don't let them build you up to when you're when you do fall, it's going to be a crumble, control control, it's controllable. Like the things around you that mean the most human when you can control those your world and get smaller and they're getting easier to manage and
• 0:26
  Randall Kaplan: Welcome to In Search of Excellence, our quest for greatness and our desire to be the very best we can be to learn, educate and motivate ourselves to live up to our highest potential. It's about planning for excellence and how we achieve excellence through incredibly hard work, dedication and perseverance. It's about believing in ourselves and the ability to overcome the many obstacles we all face in our lives. Achieving Excellence is our goal and it's never easy to do. We all have different backgrounds, personalities and surroundings. We all have different routes on how we hope and want to get there. today. My guest is my good friend Bobby Ryan. Bobby is a professional hockey player who recently finished his 15th season in the NHL. Bobby started playing hockey in grade school. When he was 10 years old. His father was arrested for trying to murder his mother, and he lived in hiding under an assumed name until the age of 15. He was a hockey prodigy from the moment he started playing, and in 2005 he was selected by the Anaheim Ducks with the second pick of the NHL Draft. Since then, he's been an NHL all star and has played for the Anaheim Ducks Ottawa Senators and the awesome Detroit Redwings in 2019. After he returned from a successful stay at a substance abuse program, he was awarded the Masterson trophy as the player who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship and dedication to hockey. Bobby, Welcome to In Search of Excellence. It's my pleasure. You have an incredibly unique life to get to where you are today. It's a truly remarkable struggle, an inspirational story about talent, family mistakes, loyalty, struggles, hard work, focus, and best of all, redemption. And I want to start today by talking about your childhood, your family life, and your journey to becoming an NHL all star. It's a story that I think many people don't know about. And I'd love to start from the beginning. Where were you born? And where did you live? And what kind of kid were you?
• 2:22
  Bobby Ryan: I was, I was born in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, so southern jersey, I'm just across from Philadelphia. And through my life, I've kind of lived everywhere. And we'll get through all that I guess. But by way of California, Michigan, Northern Ontario, Canada, and to Anaheim, Ottawa, and all Detroit. So a little bit everywhere. I was just an athletic, you know, as a single, single child. So, my parents had a lot of time to invest in me, but I was an athletic kid that played nothing but Hawk II and a very studious kid early on. So I was good in school, get good grades and small Catholic school upbringing until I was homeschooled later on in life.
• 3:00
  Bobby Ryan: So in a nutshell, I guess I'm a mixed bag of where I'm from, but I call Idaho home now primarily and wherever hockey takes me in the winter.
• 3:09
  Randall Kaplan: Excellent. What What were your parents like, when you were younger?
• 3:12
  Bobby Ryan: My dad's kind of, you know, a dying breed. I think he's, he was hard. You know, he built a business from the ground up and became pretty successful and did a good job of things.
• 3:21
  Bobby Ryan: But I almost want to say militaristic with, with what works for him. He's, you know, he's in his early 60s now. And it's still about diet and working out and fitness and all those things. And he's very militaristic in his approach. So that kind of rubbed off on me.
• 3:35
  Bobby Ryan: And that's how I was brought up.
• 3:38
  Bobby Ryan: 100% kind of focused on task at hand type guy. So that's, that's how I, I am in a lot of ways.
• 3:45
  Randall Kaplan: And you had a normal childhood for a while, and then when you turned 10 years old, what happened?
• 3:51
  Bobby Ryan: So, you know, the story is pretty out there. But my mom and dad had an altercation that really had been coming for years that became the big night and defining moment in my childhood where, you know, my dad made a lot of mistakes that night, and, you know, we all suffer the consequences. But he, he went off the handle and got physical with my mom. I slept right through and that was the first time I actually have ever slept through one of those.
• 4:15
  Bobby Ryan: There were there were smaller ones, but nothing of this scale.
• 4:17
  Bobby Ryan: You know, I woke up at my grandparents house the next day and still had no clue. My mom was in the hospital. My dad was on the run. So it was a it was a big night and night that, you know, I was 10. So I didn't know, I didn't know what's coming, but I felt like something was gonna be brewing and this was the big night. It was a night that I'll never remember. But I'll never forget if that makes any sense,
• 4:40
  Randall Kaplan: right? It does.
• 4:40
  Randall Kaplan: Your dad had been at a bar, he came home, very drunk, and then he became violent with your mom.
• 4:48
  Randall Kaplan: He landed your mom in the hospital for broken ribs. And your dad is charged with a number of felonies including attempted murder, and you're 10 years old and as you said, you Your life has now changed. What happens then? Your father is in prison. He makes bail. I post bail. I think his bail was$75,000. And then what happened?
• 5:12
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah. So there's this kind of long wall in between where I hadn't seen any of my family. But Mom got out of the hospital and came and lived with her grandma, her parents.
• 5:21
  Bobby Ryan: And I stayed there. My dad had, obviously turned himself in.
• 5:26
  Bobby Ryan: And, you know, it wasn't a year, it was just me, it was a short period of time that he was behind bars before he posted bail. So we were in limbo, a major limbo, I guess. But when he had posted bail, he ran and decided to kind of flee and find a place where we could go, all of us and that was my parents decision that all three of us wouldn't go somewhere. So he was out in Iran under an assumed name. And we were in limbo, just waiting, living in my grandparents playing hockey, going to school, all the things you do, but we were doing them with the knowledge that we were leaving very shortly. And it took about a year for all that went on before we eventually took off.
• 6:02
  Randall Kaplan: Your dad had been in prison for some amount of time, you're 10 years old.
• 6:05
  Randall Kaplan: Did you go visit him in prison?
• 6:07
  Randall Kaplan: And what was that? Like?
• 6:09
  Bobby Ryan: At that time? No, we weren't sure how long he was going to be there. And I don't think my parents wanted to make it a thing that they were seeing each other still talking kind of thing. So there was no real direct communication. It wasn't gone too long. I, I wish I knew exactly. But I feel like it was a matter of months that he was behind bars. I remember seeing him when he got out one time at my other grandparents house. And he said he was going to be going away. And he did. And then that was kind of when he went on the lam. So that was back in the old burner phone days, I would come out of school and we would talk for five minutes every three, four days. Tell me where he was looking at hockey games, so that I could go there and play and, and then we move on to the next location. And we would do that.
• 6:50
  Bobby Ryan: So I was in New Jersey just waiting to go somewhere all this time. At some
• 6:53
  Randall Kaplan: point your parents made up, they went together, you all made this plan. And so what happened, you're around sitting at night, the three of you at dinner table and your dad says alright, I'm going to run. And I want you to join me later once I get set up somewhere.
• 7:10
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, the I think for me, I was so young that it was just assumed that we were going with them. But we weren't going right away. He told me he was gonna go find a place to live somewhere that we could hide, where he could secure all the documents to change our names and all that kind of stuff and be off the grid. But somewhere that I could play. So I was so young that I looked at it like an adventure. I didn't know how life changing it was I really had no clue. I just knew that we were going to be going away for some time. I always thought we'd be back in New Jersey within a year or two. I just I really had no clue what what was coming down the line for us over the next couple of years.
• 7:44
  Randall Kaplan: So you drove across country, I read to Washington DC and then eventually you settled in El Segundo, California, right in my neck of the woods. And I think your dad had lived there before.
• 7:54
  Randall Kaplan: You all went there for a few months. So why also Gundo.
• 8:00
  Bobby Ryan: So we actually also go into where we finished, we ended up first in Redondo living above the old Charthouse there, I think the Charthouse is still there. Actually, I went and saw that when I was back living there with the docks, but it is he found the place that I think everybody thought we would go to Michigan, Minnesota, those hockey states. He went there on a whim and found two Canadian coaches, and a Russian coach that seemed to be a little bit above their time. So that fit the narrative that we could hide. California wasn't a hockey hotspot, he could play professional poker, and make his living that way and kind of hide there and there was no, you know, work stuff to overcome.
• 8:36
  Bobby Ryan: And ultimately, the weather, the weather helped convince them. So all those things kind of factored into that decision. And I was surprised when he did say where we're going. But it ended up being the moment of a lifetime for
• 8:49
  Randall Kaplan: when he was looking at places to go and he's in Southern California talking to the hockey people did people know who he was? Did he tell people I have a secret don't tell or he just by that point had a a new name.
• 9:02
  Bobby Ryan: When he went he had just saw the hockey team was being put together and it was the first triple A team in the state. So the highest level of hockey they were ever going to have. He basically said this and I have a kid from the East Coast, my son that I promise you just watch them once we'll make your team. So I flew out I tried out in a men's pickup game with you know, guys that are 30 and 40 years old. And the coach said right away, we have a spot for him, bring him back. So that fast forward a couple months we get back out there and nobody knew the secret. You know, my original last name is Stevenson and that was Ryan. So we did that we switched my birthday.
• 9:34
  Bobby Ryan: The problem was not in the ice hockey world but in the roller hockey world. I was arguably one of the better players in the country. And they knew me from roller hockey. And there were pictures and magazines of me talking to the next big thing and roller hockey and all that and that was the first time like we had to lie you know I had to lie just straight up to say no, I'm not someone to tell when it clearly was me and these pictures and people it's amazing when you when you stick to something And however, and you're resolute with it, how how much people let go and just not push, it became a one time conversation with a lot of people. And although I think people knew nobody ever pressed the issue, it was just okay, you're not so and so even though I'm wearing the same gear as that picture from a year and a half ago, it all just kind of went away. Nobody bothered us about
• 10:20
  Randall Kaplan: it. Right? I heard that. It wasn't uncommon for you to look out the window and look and see if there were maybe undercover police officers. Were you always wondering when that day was gonna come where the the secret would be out?
• 10:36
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, I think we dealt with that, because we were left behind my mom and I in New Jersey, that, you know, they were foreclosing on the house that my dad had owned and the properties and things like that, that people assumed because we weren't paying these bills, we were going to be meeting my dad eventually. And we dealt with a lot of that we dealt with a lot of and there were people following us all the time, I would never understand it. But mom would just say put your head down. So I would sit in the front seat with my head down, or whatever it might be. Or I would be taking a license plate down from my mom of who's following us. And it didn't dawn on me that people were putting so much together. But we left at two o'clock in the morning. One night, I met my dad in DC and drove across the country together in our little van. But we got it's funny, I got quite used to living at that lie in that lifestyle. Before I had even gotten to California that it felt like a very easy transition when I got there at 1112 years old.
• 11:28
  Randall Kaplan: was part of it.
• 11:28
  Randall Kaplan: Fun. I mean, you're you're an actor, right? You're 1112 years old and you're living a somewhat normal life. You're your homeschool though you're not in school. I assume that was to keep the secret. But it is part of it fun. Are you all sitting around the dinner table thinking all right, we're all cool. Now things are things are fine.
• 11:50
  Bobby Ryan: I don't think I knew any better, right? I know, I know. I didn't know any better.
• 11:52
  Bobby Ryan: I knew that. I knew what we were doing is wrong. For sure. But at 11 years old, not only are you doing what your parents tell you felt like a big game to me.
• 12:03
  Randall Kaplan: And you love your parents, right? You have a family you want to be together, obviously. So at this point, you found the Los Angeles Kings Junior program and you thrive How did the junior program come about?
• 12:17
  Bobby Ryan: That was the team that my dad had set to try out with. So I got there. And within two days, I was meeting my teammates and playing a game.
• 12:22
  Bobby Ryan: This program had been around I think for a year or two but had marginal success. But this was the first group of 1987 born My birth year players that they were going to be able to have and for whatever reason that birth year thrived in California for hockey. We had some great hockey players and we had to play we were so good for our age that we had to play off. And, you know, we're playing against 1617 year olds getting our butts beat on on the weekends. But then we're playing teams like Michigan's Detroit, HoneyBaked and such and such the elite teams and we're beating them by five, six points in our own bracket. So my first year there we went 39 and Owen won the national championship. And it was the first time in Southern California that had happened and I thrived in that program.
• 13:03
  Bobby Ryan: Because of the guys around me.
• 13:05
  Bobby Ryan: The kids around me were just tremendous hockey players. So I got very lucky that that was the situation because I don't know if that would have been the case. Had we picked another place to live.
• 13:14
  Randall Kaplan: And at this point, you're 12 years old.
• 13:15
  Randall Kaplan: Yeah, I was 12. Yes, PeeWee AAA, and you're breeding 16 year olds at this point?
• 13:20
  Bobby Ryan: Well, the 16 year olds are kicking our butts, because they played the local California teams that were a little bit older, they they'd kick our butts, but then we would go play our age. And we were much more physical from playing against the 16 year olds that we ran teams right out of the building.
• 13:34
  Randall Kaplan: And 2000 was also an important year because one morning people showed up at the door What was that like? And what happened did they knock and say hey somebody somebody's home,
• 13:44
  Bobby Ryan: and there's no knock there was no knock it was four o'clock it was give or take four o'clock in the morning when they came in. They came in strong with what you know the US Marshals and got it down to you know, armed and I think that they and I know this now that they felt that they were going in for a guy that was going to fight and be armed and all this and when they got in they found a 12 year old sleeping on a futon and a pull out couch.
• 14:07
  Bobby Ryan: Right? They I think they're a little surprised. But my dad obviously surrender because I was in the crosshairs of everything and went peacefully, but it was. It's a weird thing.
• 14:16
  Bobby Ryan: And I've said it in the past.
• 14:19
  Bobby Ryan: They treated us with respect even though they're taken away a criminal and the problem was they they knew that they were going in for a guy that had been convicted of attempted murder when there was a Trump that charge was a little more aggressive than than it needed to be.
• 14:33
  Randall Kaplan: Right. So he has a five year sentence. He gets extradited to New Jersey and now he's at Riverfront state.
• 14:41
  Randall Kaplan: Prison. You're playing hockey in LA Did you have a chance to go visit your dad when he was in prison?
• 14:47
  Bobby Ryan: Eventually I got back a couple of times, but we stayed put in California. Things were going to well, that same year was the year that we had won later on. So he went away in January. We won in April. I was so comfortable in Cal afford me with our new life really. I don't think we wanted to mess with that our team was just so good. Excuse me, there was no point to leave. My mom wanted to go back a little bit, but I convinced her to stay. So we ended up staying three more years there and won another national championship with the same group of guys
• 15:16
  Randall Kaplan: got it. And when he was in prison, did you talk to them by phone regularly? Are they allowed to use the phone every day?
• 15:22
  Bobby Ryan: Most of our communication at that point was by letters and phone calls. We stayed for another three years in California and didn't have the financial resources to get back to Jersey and then come back. It just wasn't feasible.
• 15:33
  Bobby Ryan: Mom was working two jobs. I was working as well at 13, sharpening skates for $5 A pair and doing anything we could get by but we kept in touch just it just, you know, sporadic emails and letters, excuse me phone calls and letters.
• 15:48
  Randall Kaplan: So you That leads me right into your mom.
• 15:51
  Randall Kaplan: She's suddenly a single mom, and your dad's in prison not making a living. And your mom's working two jobs. And I've heard you did some pretty remarkable things for you. Do you want to talk about what she did for work? And how that factored into what you were doing?
• 16:07
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, of course she was. She was great. She worked at the rink during the day so that I could skate for free. And I stayed homeschooled through all this. With no teacher anything. I just kind of did it and she helped where she could but we she held on to jobs comfortably. She worked at the the Westminster Ice Palace, the rink there during the day so that I could skate for free, do my school at the rink during the day. And then at night, she went to LAX and worked for Cathay Pacific in the lounge there for people before the flights. And that allowed me to be on standby for all my teams might be I believe that we had to leave the state every other week to play team to kind of gain that recognition. So she put in, you know, 1415 hour days every day, came home, cooked, slapped, went back and did it again. So she was remarkable for those three years.
• 16:56
  Randall Kaplan: My parents divorced when I was two and a half and my mom's suddenly a single mom has to help support two young kids. My brother was four and I saw my mom work really hard are there are a lot of tough moments there where she was worried she wouldn't be able to pay rent. So it definitely had an impact on me. Did that also have an impact on you just watching her work? Two jobs, 16 hour days sometimes.
• 17:18
  Bobby Ryan: I think I learned the hard work aspect through my dad and I think I worked the dedication learned identification through my mom in the grand scheme of things because she just put her nose to the grindstone and did whatever it took to get by. It's one thing you mentioned ran because we were we were always late. So we were always hanging at home with the lights off and when they came knocking on the door, because it just always worked out that we were a little bit behind on when a paycheck would come through for herself. You know, I know that struggle as well. She had a profound effect on me. I know you're working the way she did.
• 17:49
  Randall Kaplan: Similarly, my dad has an incredible work ethic. He used to go to work at four in the morning and one summer I live with him before college and I was working construction if I know you're new to Detroit, but if you go to telegraph and 11 mile the weightwatchers world headquarters is there and I dug ditches one summer, you know working for $5 per hour cash off the books. I thought that was really cool. I had my shirt off.
• 18:13
  Randall Kaplan: I was the super skinny, scrawny kid. I was hanging with the boys and I used to come home and have to hose off my mud or put them on the fence. Then I'd go back to work. I'd be there at seven in the morning, but I loved it.
• 18:29
  Randall Kaplan: It's good hard work. When one night I was out with friends and I was out very late. I was a studious kid, I gotten in no trouble was very much a nerd and I came home one night, and it's very late. It's four in the morning. Maybe 345 and thick.
• 18:48
  Randall Kaplan: I'm sneaking in no issues and as I go to open the door, it opens for me. And my dad is sitting there and yeah, he looks at me.
• 18:56
  Randall Kaplan: He looks at his watch. And he just nodded we didn't even have a conversation. I went to bed and out the door. He went with his briefcase and he was he was off to work. Pretty funny story but you're active your parents and I think oh hungry.
• 19:10
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah. 100%. And I can rely drag right by that that area as well to keep an eye out for a ditch that you dug.
• 19:16
  Randall Kaplan: Yeah. When you're heading north, it's on the left hand side. Used to be able to find it. Okay. All right. Good.
• 19:22
  Bobby Ryan: I'll snap a picture for you.
• 19:24
  Randall Kaplan: Very good. All right. Let's talk about hockey.
• 19:26
  Randall Kaplan: Now. That was incredible. Your family your childhood. I mean, that's just that's just awesome.
• 19:29
  Randall Kaplan: You know, I'm a crazy hockey fan. Detroit. I mean hockey as the sport. We'll talk about that in a little while. But you have immense talent at a very young age. When When does someone say man, you are awesome.
• 19:45
  Bobby Ryan: I think I started to learn a little bit more about it my last year in California so I would have been 14 I had left there and went to Michigan.
• 19:51
  Bobby Ryan: Oddly enough in this you know full circle. I'm here again now but I played for an elite program here to kind of put myself On the map and when I started playing against the competition, the Michigan and Southern Ontario Hockey Toronto area when I started my first year dominating that 15 And I think it was something like 152 points. And yeah, it got to a point where I once I started to put up the numbers that I was putting up and teams were taking notice of the Ontario Hockey League, which is the big main feeder to the NHL, they came knocking the US national team came knock in Minnesota or Michigan's the college came knock and so all these things are kind of happening as a once to a 15 year old in 10th grade I was I was overwhelmed. But that was when I know that. Okay, this is this is an option for me that that make it a career and a this could be a thing.
• 20:44
  Randall Kaplan: I mean, a lot of kids were the younger you ask a six year old seven year old, what do you want to be I want to be a professional football player, hockey player, basketball player, it means so few kids make it but you're 10 years old, and your parents are moving you to play hockey basically. So they must have known something was up. It's sort of like these kids. Now they play tennis, they go to Nick voluntaries tennis camp or img was there the restaurant some promise when you were 10 or 11,
• 21:11
  Bobby Ryan: there was 10. I mean, it was always one of the highest scores. But I just didn't know how the, I guess, the competition how that translated to the rest of the world. I just always figured that the kids in Canada were so much better. So it took some time for me to learn that on a national level that number one, we were just as good as what they were doing up there. And if you can be one of the better players here that translate 15 is where everything changes.
• 21:38
  Bobby Ryan: That's when the game gets much more fast, much more physical.
• 21:41
  Bobby Ryan: And you watch a lot of players and guys that I played with kind of fate when that starts because number one they're scared. Or number two, they can't think the game at the speed. And as things sped up, I got better, because it made it easier for me. So I think that's when I started to really, really see the potential in something.
• 22:01
  Randall Kaplan: And you mentioned you're in Michigan, I think you consider the University of Michigan one point best university in the history of the planet, obviously, I went there and they had a most famous coach in collegiate hockey red Berenson, where you're trying to play for red.
• 22:18
  Bobby Ryan: I did Michigan, Michigan was my dream school. So when they offered me in 10th grade I, you know, nothing formal about it. But hey, you're coming here when you're ready?
• 22:26
  Bobby Ryan: Yes, I'll be there. So we had a deal in place. And I reneged on the deal, because I went to Canada, but I just didn't know what was out there for me. At that point. I knew that I wanted to go to Michigan, here it was.
• 22:35
  Bobby Ryan: And I said, Yes. I think I really passed the mail off. Or excuse me read off a couple of years later. It just wasn't my journey. It wasn't my path. I had to I had to find what was right for me. And I thought that was going up to Canada.
• 22:49
  Randall Kaplan: And Bobby Clark, a Hall of Famer for the Philadelphia Flyers had been a friend of your dad and was a mentor of yours. advise you to go play in Ontario.
• 22:59
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, Bobby Clarke was just, you know, he still is very close with my dad. Still somebody that I can text if I needed the Hall of Fame player Hall of Fame General Manager, but all around just a good, good human being that's always been my family's corner, sat me down and didn't really ask me just said you're going to Canada. And this is where you need to be because you're, you're a lottery pick your top 10 pick. You just don't know it yet. So he really put Canada hockey on the map for me and, and then I started to really look at it. And that was where I ultimately, you know, took myself to
• 23:34
  Randall Kaplan: Ontario Hockey League. I grew up in Detroit, drinking ages 21. Ontario, it was 19. So we used to drive across the border beneath the tunnel. I don't know if you've been to Canada over the tunnel.
• 23:45
  Randall Kaplan: Or you take the Ambassador Bridge. And we used to go to the bars there had fake IDs back in the day, you couldn't buy them online with actual Barkos. You took a colored pencil and you try to change the date. But I spent many, many, many times in Ontario had some very interesting moments there. Had you been there before? What did you What do you think of Ontario?
• 24:10
  Bobby Ryan: So the first time I went was after I got drafted and I had been to Toronto That's it right the GTA area. So you have to understand I got drafted to that league, but I got drafted to a team nobody wanted to go to there was really up north called a wind sound on the Georgian Bay, beyond cold. When I got there and the team the team kind of rolled out the red carpet and had a weekend of, I guess adoration poured on me to kind of impress me enough to go there. And when I left I still didn't know if that's where I was going to go but over time it kind of wore on me and it was a very small town feeling and I trouble with large groups and large gatherings. Probably related to some of the other things I had gone through so that small town feel immediately just hit me and thought this is where I need to be. Still didn't like Canada very much but it grew on me overtime
• 25:01
  Randall Kaplan: 39 points your first season 89 Your second season and you're 18 years old now and then boom. Second pick in the 2005 draft by the docks.
• 25:08
  Randall Kaplan: I think Sidney Crosby was first that year what what was that whole thing? Like? Did you know where you were going? Where were you? Just must have been your your wildest dreams have now come to or they were about to come true.
• 25:22
  Bobby Ryan: They were getting there. Yeah, it was getting close. I knew the night before that Anaheim was gonna take me.
• 25:28
  Bobby Ryan: So I was able to sleep. Okay.
• 25:28
  Bobby Ryan: But that process is tough that you, especially in our year where there's a lockout in the NHL, so nobody knew where anybody who was drafted until a week beforehand. So as opposed to when you're a top 10 pick, you might interview with the top 12 teams, but now you're interviewing with 31. And it was a nightmare. You're just you're on the phone all day you're doing this and that and there was no video conferencing then it's so it was, a lot of times I would leave a hotel room with, I'll just say the Boston Bruins and then go to the next hotel room with the Columbus Blue Jackets, and so on and so on.
• 25:57
  Bobby Ryan: And you're doing it all day long. I was just happy to get that part of it over with but it was a dream come true weekend, I got to spend it with my family and my dad wasn't allowed in the country but found the way to the draft in Ottawa and had to do house arrest after the fact. But it felt like a culmination of a lot of things.
• 27:08
  Randall Kaplan: What kind of questions do they ask you? If you hear about football? Now you go in? There's all kinds of psychological. You're 18 years old? How many people are in the room? I and who's in the room?
• 27:18
  Randall Kaplan: And what are the questions?
• 27:22
  Bobby Ryan: I think generally you always have the general manager, and his staffs of assistant GM three or four scouts. Some rooms are just that small, right? And they keep it very internal. But you would walk in other rooms, and there'd be 22 guys at the table. And you're supposed to go around and shake their hands. And then remember, I'm going to meet the guys I've met to go under people today. Like I have no clue who you are. I remember I I didn't know at certain points which team I was talking to it just it didn't matter because the same questions come across. What do you think you needed to get better at? Why should we draft you? What are your weaknesses?
• 27:55
  Bobby Ryan: What kind of food do you eat? Do you diet date, do drink smoke, all these things just and it's just so monotonous that you're doing it over and over again, I know for a fact that I blew some of them towards the end because I could have cared less. I honestly was like, I don't know where you're drafting. But it doesn't matter to me. I've done it 18 times today, and I'm done.
• 28:14
  Randall Kaplan: Obviously, you impressed the docs. And at this point, you saw therapist, I think for the first time, why did you finally decide to go to one? And were you still excited to play at that point?
• 28:26
  Bobby Ryan: No. So after I got drafted, like I said, it felt like a culmination of a lot of things. And I felt like for the first time, after all those years of hiding, running, lying, whatever. The story had come out on ESPN. So that was out there.
• 28:41
  Bobby Ryan: I felt like Okay, I think I'm done. Like I honestly thought I was done with hockey for a little while, just didn't have the drive or the interest. Part of me was being spurred on by by getting there. And not that I had played a game but I got there I got drafted, I know I can relax and I relaxed and my game didn't slip. I got better the next year, you know, statistically in every category and things but I just wasn't my head wasn't in it. And it wasn't right. I had a lot of things weighing on my mind.
• 29:09
  Bobby Ryan: conversations I felt like I needed to have so I seeked out watch. I didn't seek out Brian Burke from the ducks helped me find somebody they use for sports performance and started driving down the hill every Monday in Toronto was about two and a half hour drive each way.
• 29:23
  Bobby Ryan: So I would get up in the morning, drive down, meet her get back for practice every every Monday and she helped me find that inner passion again, that I that I seem to be lacking for a little while it just it helped me off the ice, which helped me on the ice and I stuck with her for a lot of years.
• 29:39
  Randall Kaplan: I think it's important to let our listeners and viewers know there's a stigma against going to therapy.
• 29:45
  Randall Kaplan: And I've seen a therapist for a long time I started seeing one as a child was bullied as a child. And I've had, we all go through some struggles in life.
• 29:54
  Randall Kaplan: I've gone through my fair share.
• 29:57
  Randall Kaplan: When I got a divorce, my best friend said to me, first thing you need to do is you got to find a therapist. And you have to go in and say as a therapist, don't tell me all the shit that happened when I was 10 years old. I need to get through my divorce now. And he was right.
• 30:09
  Randall Kaplan: And I'm still with the same therapist who is my coach, basically my coaching life, I go in there, I bare my soul to her talk about all the stupid shit I did and all the bad things I've done. And these are all my problems and we work through the problems and she really has moved my needle and a good way.
• 30:28
  Randall Kaplan: I always want to be a better person. So I've talked to so many of my friends. No, I didn't want to go to therapy. I'm embarrassed. It's not right. And that's how I grew up. People didn't talk about it. Of course I live in Los Angeles now and you're a minority if you if you don't
• 30:47
  Bobby Ryan: that's very true.
• 30:47
  Bobby Ryan: And that's especially for me in the hockey world. This was two doggone sick, right? Nobody in the conversations changed dramatically but nobody what a few people might have gone to sports psychologists but like real actual therapy is so awful for using that as a tool. So I hit that I went and for the longest time, and I stopped going, because I didn't feel like I needed any more, which I know now that I needed more than ever. And I'm glad that the conversation on mental halls changed quite a bit. And the NHL is always going to be a little bit behind, but they're starting to embrace it a little more.
• 31:22
  Randall Kaplan: Right. Now you're back at the game. You have a good sports psychologists of 2007 You finally play your first game, where were you in what happened?
• 31:32
  Bobby Ryan: London, England was my first NHL game as part of the premier series. So we were playing the kings for two games over there. And first game was my first goal. So I got that out of the way. And really had a I had a good first two games over there. My original stint with the team wasn't very long, I was up and down through the minor leagues that first year quite a bit, but it's a good start to a professional career back in oh seven. Yes.
• 31:55
  Randall Kaplan: What are you thinking? What's going through your mind? You're on a bus going to the OTU Arena in London, one of the most famous venues in the world? And where are you was your heart, beating a million miles a minute, as you're lacing up your skates and you're coming out of the tunnel and your foot hits the ice for the first time?
• 32:12
  Randall Kaplan: And what what was all that like?
• 32:15
  Bobby Ryan: Honestly, I'm glad I got to play it over there.
• 32:17
  Bobby Ryan: Because there was no, the people didn't know who to root for.
• 32:21
  Bobby Ryan: They were just excited that they were watching hockey. So there was nobody cheering for us or them first day, I got to play my first two games in a relatively easy setting. I thought I'd be more nervous than I was I remember looking back thinking I just felt like I belonged there at this point that I had earned it through training camp and special teams and all that kind of stuff. So I was at ease going into those two games.
• 32:44
  Randall Kaplan: And then you're you said you're back and forth to the minor for a couple years.
• 32:47
  Randall Kaplan: You You had been the with the sound attack and now we're you're with the Iowa chocolate.
• 32:54
  Randall Kaplan: What's up with these names? By the way? What were these junior names coming from? Iowa, Charlie,
• 32:59
  Bobby Ryan: actually, yeah, the well the chops were my second year Pro. So my first year Pro is back and forth between Portland, Maine, and Anaheim with the Portland pirates. And I think I did it like eight times that year. It was ridiculous. So get caught up in your honor, read it out to California and you're playing that might get sent down, you're on a red eye back to Boston and up to Portland playing that night.
• 33:19
  Bobby Ryan: That was the hardest year logistically for me, but I was young and my body could kind of handle it. But it was it was an up and down year. And then the second year, you know, I made the team out of a training camp, but salary cap issues were a thing. So I had to get some down to Iowa chops. And I think I ended up playing 12 games there and they somebody got hurt on the big club and have they gone long term reserve for their injury. And that allowed them to call me back up and haven't been back down since that was a no wait. Yeah, that was that kind of took off for me that year.
• 33:50
  Randall Kaplan: And then you had a first Patrick in 2009. Things were like, yeah, for you, then what? What was that? Like? I mean, you you hit one, you hit two and now you know you're on the verge of a third, you're just gunning for it at that point.
• 34:05
  Bobby Ryan: That was it was incredible. So the funny story about that was that that was 12 years ago. Now. I know that because the night before that I went on my first date ever with my wife, and she had never seen a hockey game. So she said, I watch it. I had a hattrick. So she thought I did that every night. And I remember, like that was that was one of those nights that you just you know, there's kind of like coming out party in the NHL that night. I remember the feeling was just incredible.
• 34:31
  Bobby Ryan: But it's the NHL such a forget forget league that, you know, we were playing 24 hours later. And then Patrick didn't matter, right in the grand scheme of things. So I think I celebrated it for 20 minutes. Remember texting, you know, my then person I'm dating for one day and said I don't do that every night, you know, tamper expectation for next game and moving on. But it was I've got some incredible pictures of it all these years later. And I got the wife that I you know, 12 years later as well. So it was a good weekend for me.
• 34:59
  Randall Kaplan: Let's talk about the hattrick for a second. I've never understood this. So for those of you who don't know, someone scores a third goal, it's called a hat track. And people in the stands throw their hats on the ice, obviously, because the rain has, but these things are 30 bucks a pop, and there could be 50 hats on the ice and they're throwing up from the rafters. It's like you're taking 30 bucks and you're throwing it to the ice to celebrate your home, which is cool. I mean, it's fun to see.
• 35:22
  Randall Kaplan: But it's there's $1,000 of pass on the ice. Who gets the cast by the way? Do you get to keep them?
• 35:31
  Bobby Ryan: I get none. No, I've seen trashed. I've seen donated.
• 35:36
  Bobby Ryan: There's a couple buildings that have a wall on the concourse where they pour the hats into and you can kind of see them pile up over the years. I don't know if that's still a thing.
• 35:45
  Bobby Ryan: Oddly enough, I don't get to see many concourses of the rings that we play and so I don't know what they do, but I never understood it either. I've seen a lot of hattricks in there.
• 35:52
  Bobby Ryan: ever wants to keep my keep my money on my head.
• 35:55
  Randall Kaplan: I keep my money on my head as well. I do have a bunch of Redwing hats, by the way. Yeah, I think they have a problem at hand. You know, bunch of jerseys. I bought this at a charity auction, championship Jersey got the whole team on the back. Okay, so you you break their franchise rookie point record and you're a finalist for rookie of the year the Calder Memorial Trophy. Are you sitting there thinking? I'm really proud of myself at the end of the at the end of the season, are you at some point you must have to sit back and think I've had a really good year I'm doing pretty well.
• 36:30
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, I had, you know, I decided that I was going to move to California full time at that point. So I had bought a house in Newport Beach. I needed the money from the the rookie bonuses to be able to do that.
• 36:39
  Bobby Ryan: So I was like, watching is that money came in. I was like, thankfully I can I can breathe a little bit. Not only financially but security. I know that I'm going to make the team next year. Yeah, I took a deep breath for a little bit. But at that point, I was just 21 Turning 22 I was still hungry. I still wanted to get back to work right away, and really didn't take much time off. Really just hop right back into training that summer to continue with. We had a good couple years together there in Anaheim. We we I think we should have won one cup but your team in Detroit knocked us out and game seven semi finals.
• 37:08
  Bobby Ryan: And that was it for us.
• 37:12
  Randall Kaplan: I watched every single Redwing playoff game from the minute they made the playoffs for the first time and we'll talk about that in a little bit. Later on. I do know the game I did see the game. But so you had a couple of really good years with adoxa venue went to the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. That must have been pretty cool.
• 37:34
  Bobby Ryan: That was a very very cool moment in my life to be honored to get to wear that jersey. I think it would have been cheap in the overseas but for it to be in Canada, the mecca of hockey in Vancouver, a city that I love. Everything just kind of aligned. Obviously we want silver but to get a medal to go to that and have a chance for gold was just an incredible, incredible experience probably the best of my hockey career.
• 37:57
  Randall Kaplan: I think it took you a minute to score a goal in the in the first
• 38:01
  Bobby Ryan: square we had the one and only goal I had. I was a couple minutes in again Switzerland and the goalie for Switzerland was the goalie for our Anaheim team. So I got the score on my buddy and a guy that I played with and spent a lot of time with. So it was it was very cool. Who was the goalie Jonas Hiller so now retired. But he was an anime for quite a few years.
• 38:21
  Randall Kaplan: I assume you saw the 1980 game against Russia.
• 38:26
  Randall Kaplan: The US and Russia the gold medal game? At some point?
• 38:29
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah. Oh, yeah. I saw the movie. I never saw the actual game. Yeah, I was only in 87. Well, it wasn't I wasn't around yet. But know the story and watched all the movies about it.
• 38:40
  Randall Kaplan: I was in done on a sports which to give you a sense of where that is. It's no longer there was a big chain.
• 38:46
  Randall Kaplan: And I remember they had the TV on in the corner. And it was incredible. I left the house. We were down a goal or two and I we were in the store. People had stopped shopping. Everyone was watching and then Al Michaels and I think is the best Mouser and all sports. He's just incredible. The Do you believe in miracles, one of the great moments and US sports history.
• 39:11
  Randall Kaplan: Just an incredible, credible thing. It must have been such a good. Such a thrill for you to play. Yeah,
• 39:17
  Bobby Ryan: I've got a dream. It did. I've gotten to go to Lake Placid to that original rink many times. And there's a cool tour where if you press a button, they do the last 10 seconds live. So you actually get to look down at the rink that they get it in and hear out Michael say it. I remember reading like 12 The first time I did it and just the goosebumps.
• 39:34
  Bobby Ryan: And then to get the live that you know, obviously one goal short of that. But to get the live that experience was pretty incredible.
• 39:41
  Randall Kaplan: So you finished your second year, and then the ducks say, all right time for the big money. And you get a very big contract, you're 23 five year deal. $25 million.
• 39:52
  Randall Kaplan: That's a ton of money, let alone for a 23 year old. We're going to come back to money a little later on. But what's the first thing you got that contract?
• 40:03
  Bobby Ryan: I didn't I didn't spend very much I waited a while. I waited till the second year of my deal, where I was a little more financially secure to buy my dream car, which was a Bentley. And I did that and drove it drove it for six years, and eventually resold it but Nothing extravagant. I paid off the rest of the house and then I bought my dream car and that was it.
• 40:25
  Randall Kaplan: I used to go to the Porsche dealership a couple of times a year when I had no money I'd sit in a 911 and said one day I want to want to buy one. Our company went public.
• 40:38
  Randall Kaplan: And I thought okay, it's time now I can buy a Porsche and I waited a full year before I bought the Porsche I felt very Yeah, yeah. I bought a I have a 9099 96 convertible 911 And I remember it was $107,000.
• 40:54
  Randall Kaplan: Without tax, I thought, oh my gosh, that's, that's more than some people make in a year or five years or 10 years, I felt guilty buying it. And I still have it. It's in my garage. I'm going to keep it probably forever. It's expensive. Now I maintain it costs around $5,000 a year. And Charlie is who you know, my son who's 16 said, you can never sell that car dad. And you know, it's a it's a symbol for me of my hard work. Right? I worked so hard and I had so many ups and downs and I made some money and I bought my car. Funny thing about that car. I had the car for a day. And I figured, okay, I'm gonna wash my car. So it's a nice day. It's hot outside, I've got the bucket, I fill it up the water, I filled it up with way too much water.
• 41:39
  Randall Kaplan: And the bucket slipped in the corner of the bucket, clip the back of the car and scratched the car one day, one one day never fixed that. It's just you know, is what it is. It's a very unfair or is there? It's
• 41:53
  Bobby Ryan: there it is. But yeah, I waited a year and I still felt guilty when I bought it for sure that I don't know if I ever really appreciated that when I had it if I'm being honest.
• 42:03
  Randall Kaplan: Why not just your dream car you have.
• 42:05
  Bobby Ryan: There's just Yeah, I felt guilty driving it. I like every time I would like if I if I just clipped somebody at that$30,000 booboo, so I drove it like a baby. And I think it gave me more anxiety than enjoyment.
• 42:18
  Randall Kaplan: Were you worried about the perception of how you look, you're 24 years old.
• 42:20
  Randall Kaplan: You're driving a Bentley around LA?
• 42:24
  Bobby Ryan: No, because I figured everybody just thought I was a trust fund kid like most of the people. And I remember some people give me that luck.
• 42:29
  Bobby Ryan: And I was like, I just wish I could tell people I did it my own right. Like, you know, I got this on my own. But I got over that a little bit. Yeah, there was always necessary for
• 42:41
  Randall Kaplan: sure. In sports, there's only this really unique moment as you're watching a sports center. And Scott Van Pelt, or someone will say something. This is incredible what happened to you're never gonna see this again. And you were in a game against the Minnesota Wild One one year. And what happened in that Minnesota Wild game.
• 43:01
  Bobby Ryan: I scored one of the I think probably the craziest goals in NHL history. I scored on a one timer, shooting my original way with a left handed stick on their backhand crazy play where the sticks got all mixed up and their players stole mine. So I found it on the ground, and just happened to pick the stick up and the puck came to me with a wide open net and pure reaction. I just took a one time or with a shooting my normal way with a stick that was facing backwards, and then got cocky and hold it up like this for everybody to see. So certainly not. I remember they tried to reboot the goal and say, you know, you can't do that. But the guy that was doing it was their captain and he had already stolen my stick that was either you give up the goal or you're going to the penalty box, what do you want, and they just eventually left the gold standard. There was a weird one.
• 43:49
  Randall Kaplan: For those of you who haven't seen, I encourage you to watch it. It's on YouTube is phenomenal. 2013 You've been in Southern California for a while. And now it's time to go you go to Ottawa, you're playing for the senators. Did you know the trade was coming?
• 44:07
  Bobby Ryan: Yes. And no, we knew is a possibility because of the financial ramifications of guys signing a couple of long term big ticket deals. And, you know, I probably would have been a third, given my statistics, they just weren't gonna pay that for three of us. So being young, and really a chance for them to kind of capitalize on my value. They they moved me out. With two years left on my five year contract, though, you know, that was disappointing. I felt like we had some some work to finish there that we didn't get a chance to do but enter the business side of hockey. And that's how things go.
• 44:39
  Randall Kaplan: What did Danielle say? Were you married at the time? No, we
• 44:43
  Bobby Ryan: weren't married. And that was that was kind of the thing that, you know, I guess pushed us to the next phase because I got traded from Newport Beach where she's comfortable. She's from Kannada, Ontario, which could not be farther away. And we decided that you know, she'd come and we try it. And, you know, she lived there for a year or two and decided she could stay long term. And it just it just continued to work out for us. So you know, now married and all that, but it was kind of the catalyst for us moving making that next step.
• 45:11
  Randall Kaplan: How long at that point. Had you been dating before you got traded? So
• 45:16
  Bobby Ryan: we're 12 years now?
• 45:16
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah. Three, three and a half years give or take? I would say somewhere? Yeah. Maybe even four? I don't know. I forgot my anniversary yesterday. So I'm not good with dates. Apparently.
• 45:24
  Bobby Ryan: Not the wedding one. Not the wedding anniversary. I remember that one. But our first date anniversary. It's like how many do we need? How many anniversaries can you possibly have? But
• 45:35
  Randall Kaplan: yeah, guys, I know how it goes. So you had a good year there and then boom, it happened again. You get another massive contract this one? Seven year $50 million. And by the way, where I grew up, people gonna talk about money.
• 45:50
  Randall Kaplan: No one knew what people made Some people were humble for the most part. It was something you didn't talk about, but you're a professional athlete, and everybody knows how much are you make it? It's a little weird. It has to be a little uncomfortable, right? People are counting your money, essentially.
• 46:07
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, it's definitely a weird scenario.
• 46:09
  Bobby Ryan: People know what you've made to date, right? Or what you've made on any given day. And they break it down by period, and second minute, an hour. And it's, it can be a little disconcerting, especially I didn't have the best of my career was not in Ottawa. So when you go through slumps, and ups and downs, in a Canadian market, and you're making 7.2, I don't even know what it was seven to a year, the labels come with that. So it's weird when people know what you make by minute, second hour, day, whatever it might be. And they can break it down and attach it to how you're playing each and every game. And then people do that. Now, social media, it's right there in front of you all the time. So it's, it's a little disconcerting, and it gets old, pretty quick. But it's a very small problem to have, when you're making that kind of money. You don't really get you don't get to have reservations about it when you make that kind of money. I don't believe anyway,
• 46:59
  Randall Kaplan: you'd rather make more money than less money, obviously, in here. It was
• 47:03
  Bobby Ryan: like people were always like, how do you feel?
• 47:05
  Bobby Ryan: People have asked me like, you're overpaid? I'm like, isn't that the goal? Isn't that isn't that what you're trying to do?
• 47:11
  Bobby Ryan: Essentially? Would I rather be underpaid? No. You know,
• 47:15
  Randall Kaplan: you've earned it right? People take a risk, right? Some athletes have low salaries they do they do well, and you never know how you're gonna do. But I'm your friend. I think you earned it. And I'm glad you got. Yeah, so too bad.
• 47:31
  Randall Kaplan: Too bad for everybody else. I had a lot of criticism, you know,
• 47:35
  Bobby Ryan: I guess Yeah.
• 47:36
  Randall Kaplan: I came from the financial world, or worked at a big company and manage to make a lot of money as a young person.
• 47:44
  Randall Kaplan: There weren't that many people who are happy for me, frankly, there's a lot of envy and chatter behind the scenes. I've I've lived that not like you have that publicly, but certainly within my community, my true friends super happy for me. And then, you know, there are some people not not so happy for you. But I'm added.
• 48:04
  Bobby Ryan: It's in every walk of life, they you get that right. Just a matter of what you surround yourself with is what I've learned in the last little while.
• 48:12
  Randall Kaplan: No doubt, you made your first All Star game in 2015. In combat, how did that feel? was? Was that on the bucket list? At some point?
• 48:21
  Bobby Ryan: I wouldn't say it's on the bucket list. No, I guess to be an All Stars feather in the cap. Right? It's, it's something that you have, and you get the jersey in the photo up.
• 48:31
  Bobby Ryan: But I think most players will tell you, they'd rather the four days off to relax and recharge their body for the second half hockey because it's a grind, they also get to grind. You're there for four days. And it's all media and obligations. And I went to one and I was like, I don't I don't need to go to a second. But it is a nice feather in the cap.
• 48:47
  Randall Kaplan: Did you make any friends that weekend who you weren't expecting to make who you have kept in close contact with I assume you're meeting people in a different way from different teams who you really haven't spent a lot of time with?
• 49:01
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, it's cool, because you're having beers with guys that you normally play against. Right. And that's a that's a different kind of thing. That's the first time we met Tyler Johnson has become one of my closest friends in the league and our neighbor at Gaza ranch and didn't really keep in touch after but certainly, we see each other every day in the summer now. And and yeah, I think that that kind of stemmed from there. So there's some positives to go in, for sure.
• 49:20
  Randall Kaplan: You're one game away, at some point from going to the Stanley Cup. What What kind of a dream is it for you to win the cup? Wings are clearly in rebuilding mode. But where is that in your goals in life?
• 49:34
  Bobby Ryan: I think if you asked me when I was 20, it would have been the number one thing and would have been, you know, all consuming for me as you get older, and I realized I don't know how much time left is in my career. I'm getting older and I'm injured and things like that. Now I'm a dad and a husband, you're I think your priorities shift. You know, when I go to the rink, it's still my hunger to go to the rink for the cop. What I think there's a little bit less there for me than there would have been even five years ago before kids. It's still something that I'm trying to chase actively for sure.
• 50:06
  Randall Kaplan: Now, I want to get to some of the struggles, in particular, the addiction to alcohol. It's a problem that affects over 15 million people in the United States. Only 10% of it is actually treated. I think that's one of the hopes from this podcast, people will listen to it. It'll encourage them to seek help, because many people do need to seek help.
• 50:27
  Randall Kaplan: What happened last year, you recognize you had a problem. I think you were in Detroit when this happened and what had led up to this and then walk us through this.
• 50:38
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah. So that Yeah, I mean, you know, personally, I was struggling with it for a while and just couldn't get a handle. I would get 20 days of sobriety, doing great, feeling good about myself and then I would just kind of have that day that you just can't get back. It was like a big and binge day.
• 50:53
  Bobby Ryan: And then I've always had a crippling fear of hangover. So to get rid of that I wouldn't whitewash it. And just couldn't, I guess get ahead of it. And we were here in Detroit, the guys went out, I went out with the guys and had drinks and just woke up in the morning. And I think there was a hangover, but there was also this click this crippling anxiety that was like, I just can't keep going like this. There's no good end in sight for the way I'm living my life, right, just professionally, more personally than professionally for me at this point. I could have given give or take the hockey, I just didn't want to keep letting my wife and kids down. So I had all this thing brewing in me for a while. And then I finally hit my peak and said, It's time like, it's, it's time. So I called my wife from here. She was in Ottawa and just said, Hey, I don't know what's going on. But I'm, I'm leaving, like, I'm getting on the plane. And I don't even know where I'm going, just going to wherever they can get me in to a rehab. So I went for 30 days, to Malibu by you as well. And I know we talked about it a few times, but it was the best thing I've ever done. It was your I know, you reached out and the support was incredible.
• 52:00
  Bobby Ryan: Actually, never really, thank you, thank you for that for you know, reaching out. And then I know I could have called you to say, hey, come grab me for dinner or whatever it might have been. But I know you would have done and so I appreciate that.
• 52:10
  Bobby Ryan: But it was just 30 days of clearing my head, learning about myself and learning that all these emotional problems that I have, which and I'm not good in a lot of settings, emotionally, with being vulnerable with being upfront with my wife, whatever.
• 52:25
  Bobby Ryan: I've got a ton of there's some PTSD there, that I had no control over. And as I started to check those boxes, I realized that alcohol was just a crutch to get away from treating these things. So I left there in December of last year, and the guy finished the hockey season, silver, went through the summer as best as I could and COVID kind of changed it and kind of put me in a bubble. So it's made it easy. Now once the hockey season starts back up, I'll get to put it all on the practice.
• 52:51
  Bobby Ryan: But I'm excited about it. It's been a it's been a hell of a ride the last year with ups and downs. But finally in a place where I feel equipped to handle whatever comes my way.
• 53:00
  Randall Kaplan: I mean, it's amazing. And I want to go back though, and talk about some of the details. When When did you start drinking and when a lot of people when they're teenagers, they drink socially, you go out with your buds. I drink socially in college, you're planning times in college, I drank too much and woke up with a hangover. And that was fun. And I think that's at some point normal not that I condone it.
• 53:26
  Randall Kaplan: But yeah, you know, you're on the road, you're living with random families playing in different cities. When When did you actually have your first drink? And then how did it progress?
• 53:37
  Bobby Ryan: I'm guessing 15 or 16. Sometime in junior hockey in Canada was probably the first time I ever drank. And in hockey, it's it's a big part of the culture, having beers with the guys after a win being on the boss late night, whatever it might be just hanging out. And you know, I always kind of partake in that I would always have beers with the guys go out.
• 53:56
  Bobby Ryan: As you get to the next job in the NHL, it's it's a little more rare that you get a night out as a team. But I was always the guy that went for those and, you know, kind of went to the rink the next day to sweat it out and do what we all do. But it wasn't till later that I think my mom died in 2016 when it just became more of a regular occurrence for me to to kind of just bury myself in that as opposed to dealing with any kind of Fallout or residual feelings I was having from that. Looking back on it. Now my my wife said that when Riley with my oldest daughter was born, and my mom died within a couple of weeks of each other she's like, that's, for me the defining moment when you started to have an issue. So 2016 to 2019 was my big, I guess window of really being dependent on it.
• 54:43
  Randall Kaplan: How often did you drink? I know, obviously, summer you're not playing but during the year you said it's it's hard to go out every night.
• 54:50
  Randall Kaplan: Would you drink alone? Or would you only drink when you're out with your team or your buddies?
• 54:57
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, I would I would drink alone but never like never to obscene amounts, but I'd be at home with my wife or whatever. And we'd have a bottle of wine with dinner. And that was it. So it wasn't your everyday average drunk that left the rink, got drunk, did rinse and repeat kind of thing. I was always okay with having two glasses of wine and calling an evening but I always wanted more. I just knew that I had to perform the next day. So I was always able to kind of shut the wine drinking or the beer drinking off at that point. But every other day I'd have wine with my wife at home or whatever it might be. And then I'd go out on the road with the guys and those were my blowouts. But it was getting to the point where like, I was thinking about getting to five o'clock open wine, or we were opening a second bottle and Danielle wouldn't have a glass and it'd be gone. So it was just like all these little tiny minuscule details were piling up and the signs were there. I just wasn't recognizing them. You And she was but she wasn't getting through to me either. So I was kind of lost in my own little, my world at this point.
• 55:59
  Randall Kaplan: There's some of your friends tried to help you.
• 56:01
  Randall Kaplan: I mean, you and I were playing golf a few times. And you know, we would hang out at lunch, dinner you over at my house a few times. For dinner, I knew you were not sober. And a couple times, I was very worried about you where you could hardly get the words out and one time during launch and I said, Madison, I said, you know, I, I think he has a problem, then he's my friend. And do I go to him? Is he going to get mad as you're going to be in salt? As you can say, Who the fuck are you? Because I had dated a girl two and a half years, we were three months into it. When I realized she had a serious problem. We were at a wedding in Mexico. And she made just the most embarrassing scene out of herself. She embarrassed herself. Me and we got back to the room. And I said, this is just not okay. And I noticed some things before but she had hid it for me. We dated two and a half years. And I encouraged her to get help. She had been to rehab before a couple of times.
• 57:05
  Randall Kaplan: And it was hard on me. And you know, you always wonder are you gonna push someone and what I learned I've been to 50 Aaa meetings with her. I've been to Al Anon meetings and it affects the people around you. And it's, it's really a hard thing to go to people who you care about.
• 57:22
  Randall Kaplan: And you know, you and I are good friends. But but it's still just a very hard thing. I was afraid to come to you. Even though I thought there was an issue.
• 57:35
  Randall Kaplan: Yeah,
• 57:36
  Bobby Ryan: I think, you know, it wasn't like, no, somebody says, I've been looking back, I don't think I would have been receptive to it. I think I had, I think when you learn it, you have to learn it on your time.
• 57:44
  Bobby Ryan: And on your own, like something has to click here. And what I learned was like even the person I loved the most when she mentioned, it still didn't click for me when it was coming from her. So for me, I don't know why it clicked on that day, but it did a year ago. But it did and it rang true. And it's drastically changed my life.
• 58:05
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, I don't I think people need to come to their own realization they can get they can get help getting there. But until you feel it for yourself, I don't think there's you have to have a rock bottom to get there to understand that I guess. And I was lucky enough that my rock bottom was pretty high. I didn't you know, I didn't burn any bridges on my way down. I didn't lose my money. My house. I didn't drive drunk. I knew for a while I just couldn't get myself over that hurdle of getting to get help.
• 58:28
  Bobby Ryan: And you're right. It is harder on the people around you.
• 58:31
  Bobby Ryan: Because I watched her go through it for six months before I went.
• 58:35
  Randall Kaplan: All right. I think one of the other things I hope people take from this podcast is that there's a lot of people out there who do need help, and don't get help. The first meeting I went to with her. There were 25 people there.
• 58:50
  Randall Kaplan: And I walked into the room and I recognized five people, people from my community parents at school, very high performers, multimillionaires, and the hedge fund world and I'm looking around the room. And this is a reality for a lot of people, they have a lot of problems. And I do know many people who have a drinking problem who just should be getting help and don't get help the the final straw for me, I girlfriend would often drive drunk. I mean, she was a mess.
• 59:17
  Randall Kaplan: She would drink a few days a week. And it was just a bad situation between us. I had three young kids, I was divorced. She had young kids the same age as mine. And I would go out trying to find her in the middle of the night. I couldn't find her she would call drunk, you know, hang up on me. And that night, and I was depressed.
• 59:40
  Randall Kaplan: It was just so difficult on me.
• 59:40
  Randall Kaplan: I thought I could save her and, you know, you talk about in these meetings, you know, the Master of the Universe syndrome, you can fix anything. And like you said you you can't it has to come has to come from you. But the final straw for me was my daughter's were graduating kindergarten the next day and two in the morning. She went out and hit a pole on Sunset and her fancy car was wrecked into a tree. Thankfully, she didn't hurt herself. And that was it.
• 1:00:14
  Randall Kaplan: I'm done. I just can't do it anymore. And the other thing I learned, interestingly is that there's a lot of people in the program just because you're in the program and you're going to these meetings doesn't mean that you're cured. I think it's great to be there but a lot of people treated the meetings is okay.
• 1:00:31
  Randall Kaplan: I've been at the meetings and now I've earned the right to drink. Yeah, that's most of the people but it's certainly a large percent of the people because I got to know through these meetings and my ex girlfriend, what people would do. I think it's great to hear you hit rock bottom. You want to save your family and I just think it's a it's a really Great thing by you did, I'm proud as your friend. And I know, Danielle and your friends, I'm sure are very happy to see you.
• 1:01:00
  Randall Kaplan: So we're now
• 1:01:01
  Bobby Ryan: you have to have a desire to change things. Because if you don't, you're going haphazardly and you're not doing yourself any benefit, you're not doing the people around you any benefit. I'm admittedly not a meeting guy, I find and for me, going to meetings actually fuels my desire to drink or my anxiety that leads to drinking. I feel like when people, people go to meetings to unload freight, to what's bothering them that day, or that week, and they want to unload that so it's off their chest, and they cannot do that I feel like I was taking those things on. And then I was worried about people that I didn't know for meetings that you know, had no business affecting me really, but they would I work my my sobriety, a different way through through therapy, and reading and podcasts and all sorts of things. But what I've learned in in my year is that just what works for a might not work for B and, you know, there's no scale of alcoholism, there's, there's, you have an issue or you don't, and even if you're a person that I've been to a meeting with a lady that had one glass of wine every single night for 50 years, but it took all of her all day long to get to that one glass, and then she would savor that glass for an hour and then do it. And then she said, I know I'm an alcoholic, because it's gonna it's like glass was done, I would start to think about the next one. I think he learned how not to be judgmental, because I could think I could say, Okay, well, how is that any different are so much worse than you because I drink 15 glass of them or whatever it might be that no matter how big or small, it's it's still an issue. And it's still somebody's journey. So I learned that the meetings aren't going to be my way. But But I talk a little differently than, you know, Joe Blow and I'm there to support him in his his journey as much as I can, but gotta find what works for him.
• 1:02:47
  Randall Kaplan: What was rehab?
• 1:02:47
  Randall Kaplan: Like? I think a lot of people really don't know what rehab is like you get there. And what happens what's, what's the program? I learned from her?
• 1:02:55
  Randall Kaplan: There are various treatment programs, some facilities run this way, some run the other way. What's it like they go in?
• 1:03:03
  Randall Kaplan: Do you do that? Take your phone, are you allowed to do certain things? Are you allowed to leave?
• 1:03:08
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, there's a 7272 day or 72 hours, isolation period, so no phone, it took my passport. So I was left with my clothes on my back and in my suitcase, which wasn't much because I left from a road trip.
• 1:03:19
  Bobby Ryan: So I had, arguably the Ritz Carlton of rehabs. It was a beautiful facility very small.
• 1:03:27
  Bobby Ryan: You're in a house with six other people. And you're, I mean, you're getting what you pay for, or what the NHL paid for for me.
• 1:03:33
  Bobby Ryan: So my dues finally came in handy. But it's great for me, it was just, you know, you get to go out and you go to the gym every day. If I had brought my hockey gear, I could have skated every day. There's there's different concessions for different ways of life. And the NHL was great about getting to this place. But yeah, after 72 hours, you have full access to phones and tablets, or whatever it might be. But for me, I was like, Okay, I'm here to work.
• 1:03:54
  Bobby Ryan: And then all the meetings, the lectures, there's a lot of them, you're every other hour, you're doing something. And when you're not doing something, you're kind of journaling or trying to figure out what works for you to, I guess best sponge what's coming your way. So in 30 days, you kind of got to develop a program for yourself, that's going to work for you outside the walls. And I got very lucky in a sense of the place that I was gave me those, those tools, because I learned very quickly that I'm not going to be a meeting guy, but I'm going to be a therapy guy probably for the rest of my life.
• 1:04:24
  Randall Kaplan: And are you doing therapy now?
• 1:04:26
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, yeah, it's been the best thing I've ever done. I I left there and went right back to Ottawa, was home for Christmas and met my new therapist there. She's from Ottawa. So we're on Zoom now that I'm traded, but I'm going to continue with her till she feels like I can make a transition to somebody else that's going to be local. Yeah, it's cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT, as it's called.
• 1:04:46
  Bobby Ryan: And by far the best thing I've ever done is learn how to deal with alcohol through that.
• 1:04:50
  Bobby Ryan: Really,
• 1:04:53
  Randall Kaplan: how much healthier is it mentally now that you don't have kind of the physical hangover from the drinking? I mean, your your bloodstream is clean, your head must be a lot cleaner. What does that feel like?
• 1:05:06
  Bobby Ryan: I feel incredible.
• 1:05:06
  Bobby Ryan: It's nice. Not that the physical side of my audience has ever felt better. I feel like I'm younger and the is more powerful than I have been in years. But those those are far secondary to like the mental acuity. I guess the day that I've gotten back to clarity, there's no fog. There's no waking up and ask him or thinking about what conversations that I have my wife last night, did I check that box that I do this or that to put my foot in my mouth? So I mean, I had to wake up in the morning and wonder if I was in trouble from the night before.
• 1:05:36
  Bobby Ryan: You know if I said something wrong if I if I forgot to do some, whatever it might be the things that you just don't do when you're in a state of couple glasses of wine. So I got rid of all those things and the mental side of my life has changed dramatically. I'm closer with my kids. I'm able to tolerate more.
• 1:05:51
  Bobby Ryan: My short fuse is getting longer.
• 1:05:54
  Bobby Ryan: It's still short, but it's getting longer for all the benefits far outweigh being it being a drunk.
• 1:06:00
  Randall Kaplan: So you've come out of rehab, you're clean. And then you come back to the ice and late February 1 game. You're in Nashville, one of the great moments of the year, I watched the highlights couldn't wait to see it that day. What happened?
• 1:06:13
  Bobby Ryan: My first game back at home, I had a hat. trick again. So I think it had been five, five years since my last Patrick and it was on the 100 and first day of being sober, you know, really kind of the the best part of the last year that's for sure all the journey and to come out and have a hattrick is just incredible, right? I only had one goal all year leading up to that. And three that night, you're back in front of your home, and the building erupts. Just just a magical evening.
• 1:06:40
  Randall Kaplan: And the fans love you again. What a what a story of redemption. What What were you What were you feeling that first game back because you wait to get back to the I mean, when when I talk to you a couple of times, and we're texting, you know, for a couple of months you you're kind of this limbo, you're waiting to get back waiting for the league to let you back and then you're back.
• 1:06:58
  Randall Kaplan: What was it like, first step on the ice.
• 1:07:03
  Bobby Ryan: I can't remember, I don't remember being nervous for a game in a very long time.
• 1:07:06
  Bobby Ryan: Think I was more nervous to impress my wife again, right to have that feeling again and playing in front of her. And, you know, I knew that Otto was a very small community even though it's the capital, so I knew that they were going to be good to me to kind of more of them for being patient with me through the process. I was fed up with everything I was going through at this point I just wanted to play and I felt like there was another hurdle every week that seemed imaginary. So I you know if I was ever going to play at this point, but to get back and be nervous and have that excitement to play in the league again and
• 1:07:37
  Randall Kaplan: then do that just just incredible. Very emotional night.
• 1:07:41
  Bobby Ryan: I was Yeah, I was wrecked. I was wrecked for a couple of days. I think the next game was just the night two nights later. And I was I was exhausted still just physically and emotionally spent.
• 1:07:52
  Randall Kaplan: Right. Let's talk about Detroit, my hometown.
• 1:07:56
  Randall Kaplan: You had been there before. The Red Wings rule the city. You signed in the offseason, one year $1 million deal. We talked about Steve Eisman. I'm wearing the championships the vitamin Jersey here one of his a hockey legend one of the best players in league history. He is a God in Detroit. And the last year he became back to be the wings General Manager. I want to tell a quick story for the wings in the history of one eight or nine championships. And for while they were terrible. They were called the Dead wings. And I was a freshman in college. My stepdad had tickets, season tickets, and I took one of my friends we finally make the playoffs. I'm going in the first game, Super palm drive from Ann Arbor to the Joe and I've been at Red Wings fan forever. I think my first game I was in footies at Cobo Hall, which you probably you know the new Cobo Hall at the old Cobo Hall is and then Olympia actually we were at Olympia first and then they played a Cobo Hall. And then they both the Joe which I think they demolished this this year or last year but I've been I've been a fan my whole life. So we make the playoffs for the first time I took my buddy Rick Winkler who had we had been in a fraternity party the week before and Rick was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The nicest guy ever. And he gets popped in the nose. The fight breaks out in the fraternity party and he gets hit not in the fight but he gets it. So we go into the game.
• 1:09:28
  Randall Kaplan: I know we're in this huge white mask is all taped up. He's got like, the plastic over the nose.
• 1:09:38
  Randall Kaplan: And there are to go on for the king scores. 57 seconds into the game. And place went bananas.
• 1:09:44
  Randall Kaplan: I'm pumping my fist pump my face. Yes. And I accidentally hit the nose. You busted them open again. Off comes the mask is streaming blood everywhere.
• 1:09:57
  Randall Kaplan: And I stayed in my seat. I didn't want to leave. And so he went off. He gets he gets off he goes gets the tissues, you know comes back I said hey man, I feel really bad. But I want to watch games like now. It's cool.
• 1:10:08
  Randall Kaplan: Oh, winks you're gonna hit winks. I know. You're gonna listen to this. I know you're gonna watch it on. I'm sorry about that. I love you, buddy.
• 1:10:21
  Randall Kaplan: So, Steve Liesman is the GM and I read your first call. How'd that go? And what's it like to be in the Motor City Plan hockey?
• 1:10:32
  Bobby Ryan: I'm stoked. I can't wait. We settled in nicely. my conversation with Steve was incredible. I think we both acknowledge Listen, you're getting you're getting older in the league. There's still some hockey left in you. Come in and bring it here. Bring that hockey that you got left in Yeah. And we'll and we'll try to maximize it together. It's a rebuilding team. They're getting better. I think we're going to be we're going to be much better than they were Last year, I don't know if we can get worse if we're being honest. But we're going to take some steps forward, I'm going to help the young guys. That's kind of where I'm at my career and I was getting the young guys going and the guy just oozes love and passion for the Red Wings. So when I spoke to him, I, I didn't really even need to speak to any other the general managers in the league, I heard a couple out. But speaking with Steve, I knew getting off the phone, we were coming here. We took a cheap, you know, one year deal with the expectations. And if I play well, I'll probably get traded at the deadline to a playoff contending team. But they gave me the best opportunity to come in and be myself and play and after missing all that time last year, that just felt like a great, a great fit. That I'm excited about it
• 1:11:31
  Randall Kaplan: is you talk to John Cooper, just out of curiosity before he came. He's one of our neighbors as well have been cordial. Yeah,
• 1:11:37
  Bobby Ryan: I was waiting for a call from coop. I never got one.
• 1:11:39
  Bobby Ryan: I was I was trying to talk to Tyler Johnson who plays there, obviously. Yeah, I'll come in for League minimum at this point. Just get me to Florida.
• 1:11:46
  Bobby Ryan: No dice. They were busy winning a cup. So understandable. We'll see them this summer. We'll get we'll get I'm gonna get off from the garden. They're gonna get I'm gonna need a contract again.
• 1:11:54
  Bobby Ryan: So if I can stick around for one more year, I'm going there.
• 1:11:58
  Randall Kaplan: That's right. I also want to mention one other thing. And I meant to work this in before. One of my friends ball. hostler is a PGA Tour player. He was a college player of the year he was up with Madison and I we flew up. He was our guest for the weekend. And I thought it'd be cool. We got a pro hockey player and a pro golfer. And I just want to be in the middle of a conversation. I was just fascinated. And I knew nothing about golf. When he plays it, the Riviera tournament, he stays with us.
• 1:12:28
  Randall Kaplan: And I you don't realize how grueling it is to play golf. He plays He has to play in a program on Wednesday. He travels Tuesday plays in a program on Wednesday, and I got Thursday through Sunday. And then he leaves Monday morning. I got through it all again for weeks on end. So I learned a little bit about what it's like to be a professional golfer just through Bo. And I think it was fun for you guys to just learn about one another. What was that like for you? Is that cool?
• 1:12:58
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, I'm a golf fan. So getting to watch him hit golf balls was one thing, right?
• 1:13:02
  Bobby Ryan: You get to you get to see another pro and enough in their aspect. And they're what they're good at. And I found that really interesting. But he's a cool kid, he was, you know, he's kind of been a fringe guy most of his career with with a big step ahead of them to make. So we kind of talked a little bit about that. It's a grind out there, if you're not one of those tough guys, that you're flying on every private jet and whatever. It's it's a grind of a living and a lot of respect for a guy that's you know, he's still trying to cut his teeth. I follow him now because of that one round that we got to play together. But yeah, interesting that, you know, we talked about, I think he was at that point, he was working on his weight, and he was getting a little more conditioned. And I remember, just think that in our very small but limited conversation, just saying if you're not taking care of that, then the rest isn't going to take care of it.
• 1:13:50
  Bobby Ryan: Because I can tell you firsthand, I learned that the hard way. I was you know, I was overweight most of my life and I had to learn how to grind and eat properly and do all that and I got it at a young age. But if you can take that step I remember telling him that's just that's just a huge thing that's going to going to help you I was I was very impressed by his golf game but really impressed by his attitude. He's a really cool kid. Really cool guy.
• 1:14:10
  Randall Kaplan: Yeah, that was fun for me. First I have to thank you for tolerating me on the golf course at one point was worse as the worst player at Gaza. Were we ever homes, but I promise you I'm coming back with a vengeance. I'm actually taking golf lessons at this place called UGP urban golf performance here, and I'm going to be significantly better this year. And shout out to Matt Park KOVITCH, my my instructor and friend and coach, but I'm super excited to play but thank you for putting up with a guy who loses 30 balls. Not knocking.
• 1:14:45
  Randall Kaplan: It's all good. Not Not gonna happen. You'll you'll see a much better player. But the cool thing for me that round was he asked you something which which was kind of like a ding, ding, ding moment for you. He said, Hey, when did you know you are better than the rest of the guys. And you were basically saying to him, you're playing with all these guys who are not going to make it you can see they're not going to make it but they can't see they're not going to make it. So what's that like?
• 1:15:13
  Randall Kaplan: You know, you've got teammates, you're better but you know the the margin there is small but is huge at the same time. Yeah,
• 1:15:20
  Bobby Ryan: I think it's the margins much more noticeable when you're in it as a player than what meets the eye. A lot of people will say this guy is so skilled, he should be there.
• 1:15:29
  Bobby Ryan: But skill doesn't necessarily translate. You need to apply that skill at speed. You need to make decisions at speed. You need to be able to apply things to certain situations. And you can see when you're on the ice that a guy can't see a play forming or a guy can't. Like I can't make that 10 foot outlet pass that just makes the game much easier on them. Right they have to skate themselves into trouble. Those are things that when you're playing with guys, you're like okay, This is about as far as he's gonna be able to take this game. And that's frustrating because you want, especially when your teammates, young age juniors and things like that you want to see guys succeed. But that 15 I think, you know, already start to see the game passing guys by, it's upsetting and frustrating and you want to kind of pull along with a lot of guys don't get it.
• 1:16:10
  Bobby Ryan: So at a certain point, you gotta just kind of you got to turn your mind out there because I think I read a stat at point 002 Or something like that, of players that play even AAA hockey make it to this level. So it's a very fine when
• 1:16:23
  Randall Kaplan: I met Luke robotized, 15 years ago through my friend, Jimmy Carr Center is going to be a guest on my next podcast. And who was the other player on the other side of the Wayne Gretzky trade, most people don't know that. He's got a very interesting journey. You know, it's a follow Wayne, which is the actual last person you'd ever want to follow. But I met Lou, and I went to his retirement party, which was at the Ritz Carlton and Marina del ran. And you know, for me, this was just as in hog heaven, you know, Messies there, all these incredible people are there. And Marty McSorley was reading the scouting report for Luke. And he basically said, I think it was like an eighth or ninth round pick and choose small candle in the corner, lacks speed and lacks hand eye coordination. And he finished his career as the highest scoring left winger in professional history in the NHL.
• 1:17:16
  Randall Kaplan: So guys, sometimes, you know, they come out of nowhere, right?
• 1:17:20
  Randall Kaplan: And they light it up.
• 1:17:23
  Bobby Ryan: Yep. I think the the higher the level, especially to when you when you get guys like Luke that he just had an instinct to find the proper and the net. And instinctual things aren't going to be taught, you can develop a little bit, but you can't teach that and he just just perfect doggedness around the net and a way to get his stick on pucks that, that kind of at that time was a very, very big skill to have. And, yeah,
• 1:17:45
  Randall Kaplan: he made a nice career for himself a Hall of Fame career, and is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet, by the way. Yes, yes, he is. So let's talk about professional athletes and money. You hear about the football players, and a lot of the basketball players, I think 78% of football players are in some kind of financial distress within two years after retiring. I think the average tenure is three and a half years 60% of NBA players go broke.
• 1:18:10
  Randall Kaplan: After five years, large number of baseball players, you made a lot of money as a young person.
• 1:18:21
  Randall Kaplan: I mean, early 20s, who taught you about money to someone teach you I know you're conservative with your money, you saved a lot of money, which is awesome. But who? Who gave you that training?
• 1:18:33
  Randall Kaplan: I think Today things are different as well than they were 15 years ago. I think the league now recognizes, you know, they need to educate your guys. But I mean, a lot of money when you're young, what? Talk to me about that?
• 1:18:47
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, when I was coming in, they still didn't have it, they have it now it's workshops, right? And things like that, and how to have a tell who's trying to invest your money properly, who's there, as opposed to guy who's just finding somebody from their neighborhood, which result happens more often than it should. So the NHL has got a pretty good protocol in place to educate some young players on how to find somebody to invest, which is the biggest part of it, right? Find somebody that's, that's not interested, maybe because you're making so much you don't need to hit homeruns you just need to continuously hit doubles and singles, and learn how to do those things properly. And I've been lucky enough that, you know, money and financially, it's never money has never played a real big part of my life. I mean, I've, I've bought houses and things like that and take my family where they need to be. But other than the one car I haven't, I haven't indulged in things like that. I lease all my cars and just continuously, you know, live pretty frugally for myself. But I've been fortunate my dad, my dad was a smart money man found the right people for me to start with when I was 22. And just starting that first contract, and I've been with them ever since. And I think it's just about developing the right relationship with those people and stress and what you want, and making sure that they're not out there trying to hit homeruns that don't need to be hit, right that, that you're on the same page. And I've been I've been very lucky, my guides have been great
• 1:20:06
  Randall Kaplan: in the money attracts some of the wrong people or people coming after you or asking for loans. When I made money, I had some very awkward conversations with people with certain family members and people that were friends and one of my really good friends, two of my really good friends.
• 1:20:23
  Bobby Ryan: It's It's funny, the more you make, the more people come out of the woodworks and the more, the more business opportunities come your way. I don't think I've ever done any of them that have come my way I've by the same as you you have to have some awkward conversations and you have to say this and this is money for the rest of my life. And I'm going to be done at 3334 I need them to last and I've cut some people out of my life because of it and ultimately happier because of it too. So I feel like I've just continued to continuously made the right decisions and in that regard or
• 1:20:53
  Randall Kaplan: are you planning for your future? Now after life after hockey? You'll probably play a few more years, hopefully, if that's what you want to do. But have you started thinking about and planning what snacks after hockey?
• 1:21:08
  Bobby Ryan: Not as much as I should have realized I probably got two, maybe three, maybe one left, I don't know. But yeah, starting to kind of redirect my thoughts to what's next a little bit. I've luckily built myself a cushion, that's gonna last a long time. So I have times, I have time to decide what's next.
• 1:21:23
  Bobby Ryan: And what I want to do. Starting to plan for the future. I don't think I invested enough time in it as I should have. But I was fortunate enough to build a pretty good cushion that I can take the time when I'm done to make decisions about you know, what I want to do and how I want to do it. And if I want to live comfortably, I can live off the interest and be just fine as well. But I'll be bored and often look at something so we're starting to look at those transitions there. There.
• 1:21:47
  Bobby Ryan: They're coming in rather quickly. And I don't think I'll have I don't all I won't have an issue leaving the game or you know, doing something dumb financially I'll be able to kind of pick and choose what I want to do and and it's that's a good feeling to have that that the people around me have done right by me that I can do that and take my time.
• 1:22:05
  Randall Kaplan: Let's talk quickly about playing through pain and injury. I remember you telling me about one game where you got into a fight I guess when you come into the league people are going to challenge your your manlihood and you're in this quite a fight. Tell me about what that was like and what what it's like to actually be able to fight legal. It's kind of this weird construct to go outside the arena. And you get arrested but somehow Same rules apply. But you can find in there no one gets arrested.
• 1:22:36
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah. Yeah, you got 200 feet by 80 feet to figure out what you want to do that on the ice, but I have quite a few hasn't gotten older.
• 1:22:43
  Bobby Ryan: Unfortunately, I thought more as I've gotten older. I guess my Yeah, just get I'm old and honoree now. But I can't remember which one we were probably shooting shit on some of my earliest times. I can't remember. But I've had some broken fingers and fights and teeth been punched out? Yeah, all sorts of different ones in my I got my eyelids, but pretty good. I wish I would remember which one I was talking about in general.
• 1:23:07
  Randall Kaplan: Yeah, it was I think you just got really it was your first game and you're very young. And one of the veteran fighters kind of went after you and knocked. Yeah, pretty good.
• 1:23:18
  Randall Kaplan: I use something broke. And you would think caution. And you went out and you play the rest of the game. You'd even know where you were.
• 1:23:25
  Bobby Ryan: It was one of my first fights and now I remember which one. So I picked the wrong guy. And he knocked me around pretty good. And it was the first time I went through concussion protocol. We'll just put it that way. I wasn't seeing straight for a little while. But you live in your learn. And then it kind of realized maybe I shouldn't be fighting legitimate heavyweights in the NHL or legitimate top guy in the NHL, pick my battles a little better.
• 1:23:49
  Randall Kaplan: I think today is a little different. I don't think was there a concussion protocol 15 years ago. I mean, you just you told me you went on the ice and you played you even know where you were.
• 1:23:58
  Bobby Ryan: But yeah, that was the thing that concussion protocol back then was like, Hey, are you good? Yeah. Okay.
• 1:24:02
  Bobby Ryan: All right. You know where you are? Yeah, sure. I, I know where I'm at. But yeah, and then I remember you just, I was out of it. Like I there's no way I should have played with. Now it's completely different. You go. You know, they do what's right by now. But it wasn't that way. 15 years ago, that's for sure.
• 1:24:18
  Randall Kaplan: What are your interests and hobbies outside of hockey? I think people you're an athlete, people look up to you.
• 1:24:25
  Randall Kaplan: But I know that a whole lot of people think about alright, what does this person do when he's not playing hockey?
• 1:24:30
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, during the season, not much. You know, I come home and I'm a parent. And then by the time they're in bed, I'm in bed by 830 most nights as well. So I'll scream a shower with my wife and go to bed. I say most of my reading of a pretty voracious reader on the right on the road. Right now.
• 1:24:47
  Bobby Ryan: I'm going through the 100 books every man must read list. And I just started 1984 Last week, so I'm getting into that a little bit really enjoying it. During the summer I golf and I surf and before kids I was a six day a week golfer now I'm kind of a two or three day a week golfer but it's better. It's more fun for me to be on the boat right now. And my daughter is going to start surfing next summer. So just family time, right as you get older, that's what becomes more important.
• 1:25:11
  Randall Kaplan: We're gonna wake surfing next summer.
• 1:25:13
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, I'll be there.
• 1:25:13
  Bobby Ryan: Yeah, you gotta come down the block rock though.
• 1:25:16
  Randall Kaplan: I'm coming. I'm trying to get me to play but I'm definitely coming next summer. I heard. It's awesome. We'll be there. I'd like to get your thoughts and I think a lot of people listening. I always want to know from successful people, no matter what they do, what are the ingredients of success to you? What did people have to do to be successful with whatever they do?
• 1:25:39
  Bobby Ryan: So it's funny when people asked me that, you know, hotkey setting. It doesn't really change in any walk of life, right? You have to have a militaristic focus on not only a task at hand, but it doesn't have to be your end goal. It's just the Goal along the way, you know, for my whole life, getting to that end goal, I had little small steps that I needed to make to get there. And every step was a mini success, but I celebrate it. But it's ultimately what got me one step closer. So you have to have an approach that can get you there slowly and incrementally, you have to be able to outlast anybody that you're going against a competitor, it's you have to be able to just be 5% more than what they can give you there. If it's a 40 hour work week, you find a way to get 44.
• 1:26:19
  Bobby Ryan: And like, those are those little things that I find that add up over time, and they're not noticeable things right there.
• 1:26:24
  Bobby Ryan: And they're not things to get adulation, they're just small little work about things that can can get get you an edge off people. And then a support structure, people to bounce ideas off of people to call you on your bullshit when you're wrong. The people that are ultimately going to be the buyer side, whether you fail or you succeed, those are things that you need to have. And if you don't have that, you have to build something of that regard.
• 1:26:46
  Bobby Ryan: And somebody told me and somebody that I speak really highly of is a member of Gaza ranch, and a close friend of mine told me about 10 years ago, in life, there's givers, and there's takers, and if you can eliminate the takers, and surround yourself with people that are giving, and you're gonna be okay in a lot of aspects of your life. And I've tried to apply that in a lot of areas. And since I've done it, and had some hard conversations and doing it, I've my quality of life and quality of success has gone through the roof. So that those that last one more importantly than anything else.
• 1:27:23
  Randall Kaplan: What's the first thing you think about in the morning when you wake up? And what's the last thing you think about when you go to bed?
• 1:27:28
  Bobby Ryan: Last thing, I guess I could start with that is everything okay, upstairs where the kids are. That's it. I honestly, as I lay down the bed, I don't have any thoughts outside of those two now is the door locked is every door locked? Like every fatherly instinct you're supposed to have. The first thing in my life changed dramatically is setting an intention for the day. And that's kind of ties in with AI a little bit. But every day and I write it in a book, and I know I keep the book that I follow every day I go in every book, my intention today is when I set the attention a few days at a time. So some days, I'll wake up, I'll go read that. And my intention of the day is sometimes just get the day started. Just get like it just just get it going. And then other days, it's something hockey specific or something waist specific, or whatever it might be. The first thing I think about is how can I how can I achieve the attention that I had set to another positive thing if you can get to it and setting intentions? It's changed my life a lot.
• 1:28:23
  Randall Kaplan: Do you write down your goals for the future?
• 1:28:25
  Randall Kaplan: What what are your goals for the future? You're still very young.
• 1:28:28
  Bobby Ryan: I haven't written down life goals or anything I write now. season by season goals. And those have changed drastically. But yeah, I actually spent about an hour and a half doing it. The other night, I wrote down every every goal that I have, whether it be on the ice or off the ice, this hockey season, and yep, set the goals. Now I said, one little increment to get to each goal.
• 1:28:48
  Randall Kaplan: I had a personal business plan that I keep each year I check it each year, I have a reminder in my calendar each two months to go through it. And I have various goals, I have personal goals things I need to work on. Family goal, a friend goal, business goals. And then philanthropy is very important to me and to giving back. And I have a very unique list of things that I'm interested in both kind of on a macro basis, and then helping individuals and organizations I happen to be very passionate about foster care. My grandmother who's 102 years old, my hero, she was raised in foster care, and it's something that I'm passionate about.
• 1:29:30
  Randall Kaplan: Awesome.
• 1:29:30
  Bobby Ryan: It's if you can start with the first goal, the first intention, the first whatever. And if you I don't know about you, but it keeps me organized and it keeps me accountable. I'm sure you agree that if you do have it written down, it feels like there's pressure to get it done. Right.
• 1:29:45
  Randall Kaplan: It's a checklist. I mean, I have a lot of people I do a lot of mentoring with people and putting a few professional football players who have signed massive contracts. Just I helped give them financial advice. And and I think some of the things I've done they're interested in learning from someone who gets nothing in return. I just love to give and I want to help them i There's no financial incentive for me, I just want them to do well, but it's whether it's them or the other people that I mentor the interns, CEOs, entrepreneurs, it's the same thing you can get it out of your mind and get it down on paper, put it on paper and then don't just write it down once you gotta go back and look at it and you got to read it like it's actual work because it is work.
• 1:30:34
  Randall Kaplan: It's hard work.
• 1:30:35
  Bobby Ryan: My wife finds me exhausting because I have to go back through the book five, six times a day to make sure I'm checking I mean, I write down everything I eat everything, every calorie and calorie out but I I live by that book right now and that's what helps me not only stay sober, keep me accountable and the rest of the areas that I need to get better at So as much as you need owes me about, and I think she's pretty happy I have the book.
• 1:30:56
  Randall Kaplan: That's great.
• 1:30:56
  Randall Kaplan: We're almost at the end, I want to know what kind of advice do you have three to five best pieces for people who are young, I'm not talking about athletes, I'm talking about people in general, you're fresh, it'll athlete, but you're more importantly, human being and you've been through so much stuff in your life, your experiences are so unique, I don't think there's another person in the world, frankly, who've been through what you've been through, for better or for worse, and it's for the better, I think we always learn and we're better people coming out of hardships, what are three to five pieces of advice you would give to younger people, or even people of my age, who want to do better and improve themselves?
• 1:31:41
  Bobby Ryan: You know, for me, I hate dishing out advice when it's task specific or something, but I wouldn't learn to controllables right, there's so many things, especially with the state of the world, the pandemic COVID, job security, all those things are so beyond a lot of our reach, right? So control control is controllable. Like, the things around you that mean the most to you. And when you can control those, and let the outside influences do their thing, your world and get smaller and get easier to manage. That's something that I've always found. Never let any kind of outside voice dictate the way you're going to live your life. Whether that's a good insight, or good outside voice or negative or positive. Just don't let them wear you down, I guess right? Or don't let them build you up to when you're, when you do fall, it's gonna be a crumble, right? You just got to continue to be on that even keel in those aspects. And then, you know, third, I had something in mind. And I that's what I was gonna say, like, I guess I would just be never too high or too low as a sports cliche that I use. And it sounds like a sports cliche, but it's about I guess, never been above yourself, I guess never being braggadocious or being too high up in the wave. Because that way, eventually gonna crash down and you're gonna be the one looking up at somebody. And don't go with the wave. Try and try and be even keel. And I apologize, because I'm not as eloquent as I think I am sometimes, but just be an even keel. Never tried never to love through the good.
• 1:32:59
  Bobby Ryan: And I'm sorry, it wasn't there.
• 1:33:02
  Bobby Ryan: But like through the good and the bad, like, just going to say that hockey teams UPS downs up down. Like, if you go with a wave, and you get lost, you're losing 1012 games in a row, no problem. So I was like, if you can kind of get your head above the water those times and stay treading through, you're going to be good,
• 1:33:18
  Randall Kaplan: is great advice.
• 1:33:18
  Randall Kaplan: In closing, we've really covered a lot of things I want to ask, is there something we haven't covered that you want to talk about? Or a message you want to share with people who are listening to the podcast?
• 1:33:31
  Bobby Ryan: No, I think we've covered a lot I ultimately I you know, we talked about the biggest part of his alcoholism and addiction, whether it's alcoholism, or whatever it might be, I think, I've done a lot of little interviews and things now and I try to always urge somebody that you don't have to admit you need help, right? You but what I urge people to do is have the right conversation. If you're thinking it, you're probably needing it. Right? If you're if you're starting to think I drink too much, or I have an issue with this. Your friends probably already think it too, right? So I would always urge somebody to talk to the one person you trust the most. Admit to them where you're at, and go from there. And it doesn't have to be a big thing. It doesn't have to be a little thing. It can be a very small conversation that gets the ball rolling. And that's ultimately what it's all about is getting the ball rolling because life continues to get better when you do.
• 1:34:23
  Randall Kaplan: Awesome. I can't thank you enough for being here today for being so blunt and open with your life, your struggles, and then I think I'm a big fan of redemption. I think it's awesome. I will say publicly that I've never met Steve Eisman before he's one of my sports. Idols. I'm going to push you hard if you're if when this COVID thing is over. I'm coming to Detroit for a game and you got introduced me to all I mean, he's he's playing there and my buddies playing with him.
• 1:34:54
  Randall Kaplan: So I just got to meet him at some point.
• 1:34:57
  Bobby Ryan: I'll do what I can.
• 1:34:57
  Bobby Ryan: I've only met him one time in person. It was just the other day. So yeah, I will certainly put in a word and try but we'll we'll get it done. Pretty good guy. I think we can get it done.
• 1:35:08
  Randall Kaplan: Bobby, again, I can't thank you enough for being here sharing your story. You're incredible person. You're a great friend. And you're an inspiration to so many people, including me. So thank you so much for being on the show. I'm very grateful.
• 1:35:23
  Bobby Ryan: It's my pleasure, man. Thanks for having me.
• 1:35:25
  Bobby Ryan: Thanks for Thanks for rescheduling for me a few times.
• 1:35:28
  Bobby Ryan: I appreciate it. Appreciate your friendship man. It's meant a lot to me last year when you reach out it really doesn't mean a lot. So continue to do so and that got your back if you ever need anything as long