Latest / Career Coaching with Fexingo: Professional Coaches, Career Counselors, and Guidance for Workers / The Career Cost of Ghosting Your Network
Transcript
- Lucas: There is a quiet epidemic happening in professional networks right now, and it isn't about bad manners. It's about what I call 'career ghosting.' You know the scenario: someone gets promoted, or changes jobs, and suddenly their inbox goes silent. No thank you notes, no check-ins, just... disappearance. Luna: It feels personal, doesn't it? Like you were just a stepping stone they kicked away once they reached the next floor. Lucas: Exactly. And while it feels personal, the data suggests it's mostly structural. A recent survey by the professional services firm McKinsey showed that nearly forty percent of professionals admit to cutting off contact with former colleagues within six months of a role change. That is a massive churn of social capital. Luna: Forty percent is staggering. But why? Is it just arrogance? Or do people genuinely forget? Lucas: It’s rarely pure arrogance. Usually, it’s overwhelm mixed with a misunderstanding of how professional value compounds. Let me give you a concrete example. There was this mid-level marketing director, let’s call him David, who moved from a startup to a large enterprise firm last year. He had a mentor, Sarah, who helped him navigate his first year at the startup. When he got the new job, he didn’t send a single note to Sarah. Luna: That hurts. Especially when she invested time in his growth. Lucas: It does. But here is the twist. Six months later, David’s new company was facing a regulatory crisis. He needed an outside expert to review their compliance framework. He couldn’t go to his internal team because they were part of the problem. So he looked back at his network. He realized he hadn’t spoken to Sarah in half a year. By then, she had moved on to a competing agency and was fully booked. His silence cost him access to critical help when he needed it most. Luna: So the ghosting wasn't just rude; it was strategically stupid. He burned the only bridge that could have saved him. Lucas: Precisely. We tend to view networking as transactional—like you need something, so you reach out. But real professional capital is relational. It accumulates interest. When you disappear, you aren't just saving time; you are actively depreciating your own asset base. You are telling everyone in your orbit that you are unreliable. Luna: But isn't there a point where people stop expecting updates? If I haven't heard from you in two years, do I really care if you vanish? Lucas: That is a dangerous assumption. In knowledge economies, reputation travels fast. I spoke with a recruiting partner at a top tech firm who told me that they now actively screen for 'network decay' in senior candidates. They ask references: 'Did you stay in touch?' If the answer is no, it flags a potential red flag about cultural fit or humility. Silence is read as disengagement. Luna: I never thought of silence as a negative signal. I always thought it meant I was busy or efficient. Lucas: Efficiency is good, but absence is interpreted as indifference. And in business, indifference is a liability. The thing is, maintaining these relationships doesn't require hours. It requires micro-doses of connection. But most people don't know how to do that without feeling like they are spamming their friends. Luna: Right, because sending a generic 'hope you're well' email feels hollow. How do we make it authentic without it being performative? Lucas: You make it specific. Instead of 'How are you?', try 'I saw this article on AI regulation and thought of our conversation about privacy last March.' That takes five seconds. It shows you remember context. It proves you were listening. That is how you keep the channel open without investing heavy energy. Luna: So it's about quality over quantity. One meaningful sentence beats ten generic check-ins every time. Lucas: Absolutely. And this brings us to the psychological barrier. Many people feel guilty reaching out because they haven't been in touch for a while. They think, 'I've ghosted them for a year, so I can't just pop up now.' But the window never closes. People are happy to reconnect. The awkwardness is usually all in your head. Luna: That is such a common trap. I’ve drafted emails to old colleagues and deleted them because I felt like I owed them an apology for not writing sooner. Lucas: Don't apologize. Just engage. An apology frames you as deficient. A connection frames you as present. If you want to break the ice, say, 'Hey, I was reflecting on our work together on the Q3 project and wanted to see how things are going with you.' That is warm, professional, and low-pressure. Luna: I like that. It shifts the focus from my absence to their current success. It makes them feel valued rather than interrogated. Lucas: Exactly. And this is crucial for career advancement. Studies show that the majority of high-level roles are filled through referrals, not applications. If your network has decayed because you ghosted people during transitions, you are effectively locking yourself out of those opportunities. You are building a wall around your own ceiling. Luna: So ghosting isn't just a social faux pas; it's a self-imposed career cap. It limits your future mobility. Lucas: It is. And the irony is that the people who get promoted fastest are often the ones who are most diligent about staying connected. They treat their network like a garden. You water it occasionally, and it grows. If you ignore it, it dies. Then you wonder why you have nothing to eat. Luna: That metaphor sticks. Watering the garden. It’s simple, repetitive, and essential. Lucas: It is. And you don't need to be a master gardener. You just need to show up with a watering can once in a while. Send a link, comment on a post, share a brief update. These small actions compound. They build trust. They create a safety net. Luna: What about the people who are naturally introverted or find networking exhausting? How do they maintain this without burning out? Lucas: That is a fair question. For introverts, mass communication is draining. But targeted communication is manageable. Set a goal of one genuine connection per month. Pick one person from your past who you respect. Reach out. Do it consistently. Twelve connections a year is a huge network. You don't need hundreds of shallow ties. You need a few deep ones. Luna: One per month. That feels sustainable. It removes the pressure to be constantly 'on' or available. Lucas: It does. And it forces intentionality. When you pick that one person, you think about them. You remember something specific. That effort creates a stronger bond than fifty superficial LinkedIn likes ever could. Luna: So the metric of success isn't volume. It's consistency and specificity. Lucas: Precisely. Volume is vanity. Specificity is sanity. And consistency is career capital. If you start treating your professional relationships with this level of care, you will find that doors open that you didn't even know existed. Luna: It reminds me of the idea that your network is your net worth. But I think it's more accurate to say your network is your nervous system. It keeps you alive and responsive. Lucas: I love that. A nervous system connects you to the environment. If you sever those connections, you become isolated. And in business, isolation is fatal. You need to feel the pulse of the market, of your peers, of your industry. Ghosting cuts off your sensors. Luna: So staying connected isn't just nice. It's survival. It keeps you informed and adaptable. Lucas: It is. And the best part is, it’s reciprocal. When you reach out, you often receive unexpected support. People want to help. They want to feel useful. By ghosting, you deny them that opportunity. You deny yourself that support. It’s a lose-lose. Luna: It’s strange how we view asking for help as weakness, but maintaining the relationship that enables help as optional. Both are actually strengths. Lucas: Spot on. Vulnerability is strength. Connection is strength. Avoidance is fear. And fear is expensive. Luna: Expensive in reputation, in opportunity, and in peace of mind. I think we need to normalize checking in without an agenda. Lucas: We do. And that brings us to something important about how we support the creators who make this show possible. If we've helped you rethink how you manage your career capital, consider supporting the show directly. It helps us keep producing ad-free content that digs into these kinds of practical strategies. You can support us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Every bit of support helps us keep digging deeper. Luna: Thanks for being part of this community. It means a lot to keep these conversations going. Lucas: Back to the topic. So, if you have someone in your network who you haven't spoken to in six months, pick one up today. Not tomorrow. Today. Send that message. Make the deposit. Luna: And watch how quickly the garden starts growing again. Lucas: Exactly. Because in the end, your career isn't just what you do. It's who you know, and who knows you trust you enough to stay in touch. Luna: So, who is the first person you’re going to water? Lucas: That is the question. And the answer might surprise you.