Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / Female Sensuality & Pleasure - With Lindsay Bodhi

Transcript

Female Sensuality & Pleasure - With Lindsay Bodhi · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim, and Liberate the podcast.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Finding the space for all of you in life and love.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host, Elliot Hartmann.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: And this podcast is for anyone wanting to reclaim and liberate themselves in their relationship and their lives.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Wherever you are on your relationship journey, these conversations meet you right there.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's also deeply supportive being in me and indeed other audiences.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Moving you from where you are to where you most want to be.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: A life and love completely aligned with your deepest desire to have it all on your own terms.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: If you're seeking a relationship and a life that lights up all of you, you're in the right place.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I cannot tell you how freaking excited I am to introduce the amazing woman who is Lindsay Bodie.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Lindsay is a women's sensuality teacher and sex and relationship coach.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: She's also the creatrix and owner of the Academy of Feminine Arts, where she teaches women how to reclaim their passion, pleasure, and sensuality so they can create the love, sex, and relationships they truly desire.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: She has nearly eight years of study and working in this field under her belt, multiple certificates, and she's trained with some of the world's leaders in female sexuality.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: She is an absolute wealth of knowledge and experience that she's here to share with us today.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't believe you're here.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, lovely.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, I sound so awesome in the angel.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: I can't believe it's bizarre.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: First off, I wanted to ask you, because I'm really intrigued.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: I know a bit of your story, but I'm really intrigued and would love to share you to share with the listeners how you came to be doing this work.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: So can you tell us a little bit about your story and about that?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess like most, unlike a lot of women, I had been with my partner.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm married.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: I have three children now.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we've been together 20 plus years.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: At the time, I'd been together with I've been with him a decade, basically.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: We had two small kids, and I just felt lost.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: I felt lost, disconnected, emotionally shut down.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I was really dissatisfied with the connection between us and in our sex life.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'd kind of got to that point where we're like, I was having sex, but only because I felt like I should have sex, not because I wanted to have sex.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and as much as he's a fabulous man and I loved him, just didn't feel fulfilled in a way that I needed to be.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I just, it just, it wasn't working for me.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, long story short, I ended up in the office of a sex therapist.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, cool, this woman's gonna give me all the answers.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: She's gonna tell me how to fix it, I'm gonna be fine, and we're gonna go on a merry way.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't quite work out that way because I remember sitting there and she just turned to me and she said, Well, what do you want?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have a clue.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't verbalize exactly what it was that I wanted.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the words that I was using, like connection and romance and just kind of spark, like it didn't mean anything to my partner.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: He could not get his head around it, and I couldn't put it into anything tangible because I didn't actually understand what I wanted myself.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: So walked out of her office and was like, cool, now I know what I need to do.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: This woman can't give me the answers.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I need to go and figure this stuff out for myself.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: So that was the beginning of a very, very long and crazy journey down the rabbit hole of female sexuality, bodies, pleasure, um, empowerment, which is deeply entwined because what I didn't realize is my I'd lost that part of myself as well.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: So it was, yeah, it was a it was a rediscovery of all these things um that led me here today.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, it does.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: It does.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I it's interesting because I often talk about the seasons that we go through in relationships.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, you were in that season of disconnect.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I I absolutely believe that there are still there are set times and seasons when we're less connected with our partners or when we feel disconnected and uh when our intimate relationship perhaps isn't quite what we are seeking or hoping for.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: So can you speak a little bit to that?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: What do you what do you suggest?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: How do we reconnect to our partner and I know you're gonna say it, how do we reconnect to our own desire?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I know, you know, you know me, Sally.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm gonna say.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, I totally agree.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: The seasons is definitely a thing, especially when we're talking about um relationships and connection and pleasure.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a there's a piece of this that I feel like there's the seasons, and then there's also this standard cultural narrative we have around relationship that says your relationship should look like X.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Your pleasure should look like this, and your desire for each other should look like this.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it kind of messes with those that season perspective because we have one side of ours that's going, well, my relationship look should look like all these, you know, other people, whatever belief systems we have, and then it clashes with the seasons.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: So it's being really aware of, okay, cool.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: What's where am I at in this relationship?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Is this seasonal?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Is this just a lull that we're in?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we're both really busy, maybe someone's unwell, maybe there's extra stress on the relationship right now, or is this an ongoing reflection of something else that's playing out for you?
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the kind of where we have to be really conscious around the differentiation is how long has this season been going on for?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And is it getting worse or is it getting better?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because yes, we can absolutely swing psychically in all the different ways, but we have to be aware of well, if you get stuck in winter, if you've been in winter for five years, that's not a season, that's a hole.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: So do you know, like yeah, yeah, yeah, understand?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Totally get it.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: So if we are feeling disconnected, whether we're talking about it being a season or or not, I'm really keen to know how you suggest we you know rebuild or reconnect or find our way back.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I know this is sometimes hard to hear, but it is always a reflection of something about us.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Always.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: If there is disconnection in the relationship, it's really easy to turn around and go, well, it's their fault.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: They're not doing this, they're not doing that.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: They, if they changed, I wouldn't feel this way.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, psychology of relationships is that's just not the case.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: We have attracted this partner and we are attracting these traits, or we're being triggered by these traits for a reason.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's our own healing and our own trauma that we're trying to deal with.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if it keeps coming up, it's on us, it's not on them.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that the fastest and most effective way out of these disconnected kind of spaces that we find ourselves in is well, okay, let me take a look at what where is this showing up in me?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: What is this triggering?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And why am I disconnected?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: What am I, why am I holding back?
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I shutting down?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's it's it's like I say, it's the most effective way to get out because then we're actually looking at our own part and our own healing rather than relying on someone else to change, which never works.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, does that make sense?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: It does, and sadly, it never works.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: It kind of takes me back, and I'm gonna bounce back to something that you said in your introduction.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you're sitting in the sex therapist's office and you walked out with that realization that it was all down to you.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a similar kind of yeah.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: So, what was your part of what was your next step in that journey in terms of okay, it's all down to me, which ties into what you've just said.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's yeah, if we're feeling disconnected, it's all about us.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing was, like, I knew, I think a part of me knew I was putting up a lot of walls, I was defensive, I was controlling to a degree.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, it has to be done my way or it's just not right.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was definitely creating distance emotionally, energetically, physically, between myself and my partner by choice.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it and then turning around and going, well, if you did this, things would be different.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you behave differently, I wouldn't feel this shitty.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it just wasn't the case.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess sitting in her office that day made me realize the only way I was ever gonna have a relationship that I wanted, whether it was with this man or another, was being able to stand there and be like, okay, this is what I want, this is what it looks like, and this is how I'm gonna create it and open space for you, which is a whole other like lesson to get to that.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um well, we can get to that because I was gonna say, I know I know you're really passionate about us as women connecting to our feminine energy and our power and worshipping our bodies.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Is that part of that is is connecting to our feminine energy and our power, is that part of that journey?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, absolutely.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because what's happened and completely what has happened is over centuries and centuries and centuries of the system that we are brought up in.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: So this whole idea of marriage and monogamy and the way that it's constructed and the way that we look at it and the way that it's taught is designed when you think about right back to the beginning, when we changed from tribal community to individual landowners, women became property.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Women had to be property so that they knew whose kids they belonged to, like whose children they were bearing.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: We couldn't have women wandering around the countryside bearing all these people's children.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: We had to know whether who they belonged to.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: That was the beginning of the kind of dissociation and disempowerment of women's bodies, women's sexuality, women's liberation, because it was more important that the patriarchy had control than it was that women had these things.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, fast forward a couple of hundred years, we still have threads of that running through our society.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it comes through in this messaging around your body is not good enough, your sexuality is shameful, your pleasure belongs to somebody else or is created by somebody else.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um the kind of all the shoulds and the shouldn'ts around femininity, sensuality, our bodies all come from this place originally.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: So the reclamation of that is what brings us back into our power.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because we can be in our power in a masculine form, in our masculine energy, we can be in our power, we can be assertive, we can be in control, we can do things, like we can be action-oriented and do all the things.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Very capable.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: But where we are disempowered is on the flip side of the coin.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: If we're not holding our bodies, our sexuality, our sensuality in us in an energy of power rather than an energy of, oh my God, all the stuff that comes with that.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, all the shoulds.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: All the shoulds.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yes, yes.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: So, Lindsay, how how do we do that?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: How do we stand in our feminine power, our feminine energy?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: How do we connect to our desire and reclaim that for ourselves as women?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so it's actually it's really simple and really hard all at the same time.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Really simple is connect to the body.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're in our heads, when we're running around, spinning, thinking, all the things, we're not in our body, we're not in a sensation, emotion-based kind of thinking pattern.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: So to go back to the body and back to really loving what you have.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: So it's touch, it's sensation, it's kind of that worship.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I'm gonna use the word worship because it's what it kind of needs to be at that level of.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Worship of the body that you have is starting to retrain you, your brain, your feelings, your emotions toward yourself.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: So simple things like massage rituals, like bathing, like just looking in the mirror and really admiring the beauty in your own body, like really simple things like that, over time, are really, really powerful because we're actually we're reconditioning ourselves around our bodies and around our sexuality.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: So that's piece number one, getting back into the body, meditation, movement, dance, all those kinds of things, fabulous ways to really get back into that state.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Secondly, mindset, belief systems, conditioning, being really, really aware of the things that you say to yourself.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: The things that you say to yourself about your body, about your pleasure, about sex, about your relationship.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um being really mindful of is this true for me, or is this something I've inherited from somebody else somewhere on the line that is now putting a filter over the way I live my life?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: So really kind of taking your time to pull that apart.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, a great example is relationships.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've chosen a relationship, are you in that relationship because it lights you up and because it makes you a better person?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or are you in that relationship because you think you should be and because it ticks the boxes?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a big difference.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, not all relationships light us up and make us feel great all the time.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's normal.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're there and you're just ticking boxes, you really need to look at well, why?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I just ticking these boxes and what makes me believe that I need to or that it has to be this way?
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: How can I change it and change the way I look at it to create what I really, really want?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that's piece number two.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: And piece number three is power.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: So there's power in sex, there's so much power in sex, which is why they don't want us to have it.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's why they took it away in the first place.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: A woman who is confident in her body, who knows what turns her on and what feels good, which comes back to that touch.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Can you touch yourself and know what feels good?
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: When you can do that confidently and without shame and guilt, you're halfway there.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of women can't.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Other women can't even look at their bodies, let alone touch them and make themselves feel good.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: But if you can touch yourself, know where your pleasure is, know what turns you on, and then wield that in a way that is empowering for you, you've now reclaimed some of your power sexually because you're not relying on another person, be it man or woman, to give you what you need.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: You know where the buttons are, you know how to operate them, and you're not reliant on someone else to kind of fill those gaps.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it makes so much sense.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I just got goosebumps.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: I just got goosebumps.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, pardon me.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: I love that so, so much.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: And the shame and the guilt and the stories that we tell ourselves or that we've inherited, yeah, unpacking that and releasing ourselves from those is just like opening the gate, isn't it?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's and yes, it's in the mind, but it's in the body as well.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like a lot of women, like if you've experienced, and when I say trauma, trauma is a very big spectrum.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's a massive spectrum.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: It can be anything as small as being a five-year-old who was shamed publicly for touching herself to being assaulted and everywhere in between.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a massive spectrum, but sometimes we don't even realize we're carrying it, but it's in our bodies.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you'll go, you'll be with a partner and they'll touch you and you'll shut down.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Or you'll want to connect with someone and you'll find this freeze kind of tightness in your body.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a sign that somewhere in you, your body's still holding something.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: So by allowing ourselves to kind of really explore that along with the belief systems, we get a much clearer picture of well, why am I struggling in a relationship?
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I struggling to create what I really, really want?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Then once you know those, you're home and host because you know you know what you're up against.
• 18:20
  unknown: Yeah.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: And again, it goes back to that conversation that you had in that, in that woman's, that sex therapist's uh room, stepping out and really know, it's on me, it's on me.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: So those those three steps are just so powerful.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: What about times when we've been really challenged in a relationship or or yeah, or we're healing from a heartbreak, maybe even emerging from a separation or a divorce.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: What about then?
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's funny because I hear this one a lot.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because it's common.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Are we I think we're at like we're 50% divorced right now, and it's just you know, a lot of people are are coming out and having to recon recollect themselves, I guess.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um but it's actually the perfect time.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's the perfect time to do any of this kind of work because what you're doing now is you've got fabulous reflection.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: You can be like, okay, A, I can look back and see what I don't want again, what I don't want to repeat.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can also start to be looking at, well, what do I want moving forward?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Also, it's really allowing yourself to go through that process.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of the time we we don't want to feel the emotion.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently who has been divorced and had a new partner, and then that ended.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And she said to me, She's like, I actually I actually stopped and let myself feel this one.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because when she separated, she didn't.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: She just kept barreling through.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, it was just keep moving.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: But it was the it was the stop and really, okay, I'm gonna take today and I'm just gonna cry.
• 20:16
  unknown: Yeah.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna take tomorrow and I'm just gonna kick something, and I'm gonna take the day after that and I'm gonna yell at everybody.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: But it's really like it's just that how do I really allow myself to feel what I'm feeling, process that experience in not just a cortical kind of thinking way, but in a physical body way.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where I love practices, like your meditation practices, yes, for kind of really helping you drop into those feelings, but also your sensation practices um have this cool one that I give to my clients sometimes called the angry strip tease.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: And what it is is it's put on the angriest, kind of most grungy, whatever music that you love.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a strip tease, but not in the sense of turning anybody on.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's a strip tease of taking off the layers of emotion.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: So it can take you as long or as little as you like, you can lose as many clothes or as little as you like, but it's really about allowing your body to move that emotion in whatever way that feels good to you, and then literally discard the anger, the sadness, whatever it is that's coming up.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: And this process can be done day after day after day if you feel that you need to.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: But what it's really about is allowing the body to move through that cycle of emotion.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is the problem.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: We're not taught to process all the way through.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you see an animal in the jungle, they get scared, they run, and then they'll shake.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: And all that is is their body allowing that that feeling.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: To finish.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: We don't finish.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: So we get stuck in sadness or anger or whatever it is.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't get back to the joy and the pleasure and all the goodness.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: So we get stuck at that freeze point.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: And we don't allow the whole the whole range of the emotions or to to surface and be and then be released.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: So you were saying process, process.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Process, process, process.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: And at some point, you need to choose joy.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: At some point you have to go, okay, you know what?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck this.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: I today I'm gonna find pleasure.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that may look like, and when I say pleasure, people think I'm always talking about sex, and I'm not.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about finding things that make you feel good, finding things that turn your turn you on, turn your soul on, that light you up.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that could look like an absolute truckload of things.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just what is what works for you?
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you just want to go out and walk down the beach?
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to go and you know have a sexy dance party?
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do you want to do?
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to choose that because sometimes, like you say, it can be really hard when we're piecing ourselves back together.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but that's where we find our power.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love it.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that when you're talking about pleasure and choosing joy, it doesn't have to be, it's not necessarily sexual, but if we start choosing small, and I work with my clients around this too, if you start choosing small pieces or small parcels of small pockets of joy in every day, small pockets of pleasure, what does that look like?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: Does it look like, you know, feeling the t-shirt as you drop it on over your body?
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Does it look like um sitting with a cup of tea and just feeling the warmth of the tea?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: It can be really simple, simple, small things that we build on day after day after day.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: I also also love the angry strip teas.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: That is awesome.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's the best.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: I've done it many times.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: I swear to God, it's it's the absolute best.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: I always come out feeling a million kilos lighter every time.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's just yeah, lots and lots of fun and deeply healing.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's that shedding, that shedding and unsticking ourselves from the freeze and moving right through processing to the end.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: I love, love, love that concept.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing that.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: Use it.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I will, I will be happy.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um lastly, I really want to continue that conversation a little bit further about pleasure.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: I really wanted to ask you about pleasure as part of our healing as women and part of our empowerment, I guess, individually, but maybe even collectively.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Can you speak to tapping into pleasure and using that as part of our empowerment and healing?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like I said, it's a little bit like I said before, there's this societal conditioning, shame, judgment, disconnection, trauma.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: And what it does is it very effectively removes women from their power because you cannot be powerful when you're carrying shame.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot be powerful when you're judging your own body or your own choices or your own kind of desires.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's just you can't have both.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to kind of look at, okay, well, I need to look at where I'm carrying those things and why I'm carrying those things.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Is it culture?
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Is it religion?
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: Is it something your parents said?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Is it just something you've kind of picked up somewhere along the way and it's stuck on you?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Where is this kind of sitting?
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then going, okay, well, how can I choose not to have that?
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: How can I choose the opposite?
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: And just doing that every single day.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's it sounds small, but it's a really big thing.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's also the good girl, good wife culture.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're a good girl, be quiet, be nice, be seen and not heard.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: Don't upset anyone.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you share, be a good wife, be supportive, you know, don't annoy, like it's all that too.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: Be too much.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be too much, but don't be not enough.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: You know, don't be too sexy, but don't be a prude.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's this, it's this very, very thin line that most women are walking, and it's impossible because at some point you're gonna fall off either side.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're either gonna go, shit, I was too sexy, and now my husband's judging me, or crap, I wasn't sexy enough and now he's left me and he's gonna go and sleep with someone else.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's ridiculous.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the only way to find our power is to get off the line, um, which means looking at all of these things that we carry around being good, being enough, being worthy, um, the shame and the judgment, and just rewriting those scripts for ourselves and go, well, what do I want?
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: What makes me feel good?
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And if I wasn't a good girl, what would I be?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: You said about the healing part with pleasure, and yes, it is collective because when one woman chooses, her daughter chooses, or her mother sees something different, or her neighbors start, like her friends.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do you mean like there is a collective healing to be done because so many women are suffering, and we see this now more clearly than ever before.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Me Too is a fabulous movement that has kind of started the ball rolling, but we've still got a long way to go.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: So there is a collective, there is a collective pain, but there also can be a collective healing because, like I say, every woman who does her own work has a knock-on effect to every woman around her.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really, really, I feel like crucially important, and why I do what I do, if I can infect as many women as possible, the world will change.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And there's, you know, there's so many other women like me who are doing this work, and that's that gives me hope.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: It gives me hope for a future for my daughters that will maybe be slightly different to what I've had and my parents have had, and all those things.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, um, definitely it's collective, but definitely super important that we do this for ourselves.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Now, Lindsay, collective healing is important, yes.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: But in order for that to happen, we all need to do our individual healing, our individual work.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: I work with my clients a lot, as you know, about reclaiming parts of themselves that have perhaps been lost in their relationship and bringing their whole self to either their current relationship with their partner or a new relationship.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me, Lindsay, what part does self-pleasure play in a woman's healing?
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad you asked this question because it's such a big part.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think we think of pleasure and we think of pleasure with a partner, or we think of like baths and bubble baths and you know, walking in the beach, like all that kind of stuff.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: But self-pleasure is a whole different category.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason that it's a whole different category is because it's connecting back to our own body.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the thing with self-pleasure is it's going to give you a myriad of information.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't touch your body, well, there's one, there's one thing you know already.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know where your pleasure is, there's another thing you know.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you are struggling to find pleasure in your vulva or in your vagina, or you have pain, or you have extreme tightness, where you're like, I just can't even go there.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's all information, and your body is always telling you there's something here you've missed.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Go back and do the work.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: Go back and do the work.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of women I've worked with come to me because they want fabulous sex, they want better orgasms, they want to feel pleasure in their body, but they can't feel anything downstairs.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of like, well, how do I get all these things and not talk about that?
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to talk about that part.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just not worry about that, let's worry about everything else.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: But like, I use the word pussy because it is a reclaimed word for me.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that I teach and all the things.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: If pussy is speaking to you and she's saying no, it is telling you so many things.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Is she saying no to your partner because there's something going on there?
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: Is she saying no because you're not listening to what feels good and what feels wrong, and you've been forcing her for way too long?
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is she saying no because you're just not ready and you're rushing?
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: Which is a big thing.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: When we live in a world that is male-dominated sexual style, it's you should be ready to go at the flick of a switch, and you should be, you know, just turned on and wet and all the things.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just not the case.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: That is not how women's bodies work.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why self-pleasure is so important.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: It teaches you to understand how long does my body need?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: What turns my body on?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: How do I connect to my own pleasure and own that in a way that feels like it belongs to you and not to somebody else?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: Self-pleasure is for you, it's self.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not about, well, I just need to fix my body so someone else can use it.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's so that you can have pleasure for yourself and understand how your body works and what your body needs.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that's one part.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: The second part is that it is healing because when we are in states of high pleasure, we have access to emotional areas of the brain that we don't normally get access to.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are carrying pain or sadness or joy or whatever it is, you have much more access to that through self-pleasure.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a lot of meditation kind of processes that I teach that include self-pleasure because what we're doing is combining brain and body together and allowing the person to experience all the emotions and all the sensations on a much deeper level without your mind kicking in going, oh, well, you should be doing this and you should be doing that, and why isn't he doing this and why isn't she doing that?
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're just bypassing that and we're going straight to the good stuff.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: When you can do that, when you can turn yourself on, when you can access that pleasure and that emotion, and then you add a partner, they're just gonna turn up the volume, they're just gonna amplify it.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you are, if you can't get there, if you're already still, and again, zero shame.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't touch yourself, if you don't self-pleasure, if it turns you off, if you are have if you have shame or judgment around it, there is no shame in that at all.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_00: Join the club of a very, very, very, very, very large number of women.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: But it's just about okay, well, if you want this, how can you just start?
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: How can you touch yourself in the smallest way, in the most loving and gentle way, that's gonna start to allow you to feel that pleasure for yourself?
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because, like I say, your partner's gonna amplify.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_00: So if you feel shut down and shame and judgment, and then you add a partner, you're just gonna amplify that.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the other way around.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: No dude ever brought a woman an orgasm that she couldn't already access on her own.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's so true, isn't it?
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: No dude ever brought a woman an orgasm she couldn't already access on her own.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_01: Now I know your amazing Academy of Feminine Arts is open with a wait list.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: So can you share with us what the academy is all about?
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I freaking love the academy.
• 34:27
  unknown: I love it.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm super excited because I just um like you know, Sally, I've been coaching for for a while and we've done some workshops and all the things, but I wanted to create, I wanted to create somewhere that women can come and just learn.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: Where they can come and learn the tools, where they can come and take a class or an in-person workshop or do an online program and just learn the things they need to learn.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, look at the mind body stuff, learn the meditation pieces, understand pleasure and where to look and how to do it all.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so all that's gonna be in the academy in the academy.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um and we have a pleasure boutique as well.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: So that is still coming, but it's going to be all my favorite tools um to help women access their pleasure.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll be talking about jade egg, um, crystal wands, all the kind of cool stuff that is both sensual and also really great for pleasure, um, self-pleasure, all the things.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, super, super excited.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: Cannot wait.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: At the moment, we are wait listing for the next class, which will be uh the art of pleasure, I think.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that'll be a couple of weeks away.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: So they can jump on the wait list and they'll get notified as all the things are opening up and coming out.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, super, super exciting.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_01: That is so, so good.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: I can't wait for so many women to access that.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think, too, do you have a challenge coming up?
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah, we have a challenge.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: I have a challenge.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it is a pre-recorded challenge.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a challenge we did earlier in the year, and I was so happy with it, and I loved it so much, and the feedback was so good that I decided to keep it and share it as a pre-recorded challenge.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: So it means you have four days worth of videos, you can go through it at your own pace, um, you can do all the exercises and just really dive into the very beginnings of what my work looks like.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a bit in there, a bit in there about desire, there's a bit in there about touch, um, there's a bit in there about sensuality, um, all the fun stuff that's super simple, but also just starts to give you a little taste of where you can start um without diving into the crazy, sexy stuff too deep, too fast.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so a nice little step into exploring this work if it's something that listeners are feeling called to do.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's really, really beautiful.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing that.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: And thank you, Beauty, for sharing all of your wisdom and your knowledge.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_01: I know you and I could talk about this stuff for hours and hours and hours, but we probably should wrap.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: I will drop um links for Academy of Feminine Arts and the Sensuality Challenge in the show notes.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, how can how can women, how can listeners best connect with you?
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they can come join me on Instagram at lindsay.bodie um or they can come join us at the Academy of Feminine Arts Academy of Feminine Arts.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna have to get that right.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: I know, it's such a tongue twister.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: The Academy of Feminine Arts on Instagram, um, or come and join us in the sensuality challenge.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, you'll get get to see all the goodness as it comes out.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: Insta is where I kind of semi-live, and uh all the videos and stuff go up there.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that's that's where they can find me.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: Beautiful.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I know that anybody who finds you, it's like opening a beautiful box of treasure um that you could that they can dive into.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I know you're just deeply supportive and just so passionate about this work.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you once again for sharing with us today.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's been awesome.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_01: Love chatting with you.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful to be here and I'm so honoured um to be a guest of yours, Sally.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're an amazing, amazing woman, amazing coach, and I know that um all your listeners will benefit greatly from your beautiful podcast.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for being, thank you for letting me be a part of it.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: You're so very welcome.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Sally Ann Hartnell, Relationship Coach, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching, and if you can think of anyone who would love this episode, please, please share it with them.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'd also be so grateful if you'd follow the podcast and review this episode so we can get it in the ears of a whole lot more humans just like you who are ready to reclaim and liberate themselves in life and love.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you'll join me next time for another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_01: Until then.