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Villain Syndrome: When survivors are rewritten as the problem · Cultural Wars | America Out Loud News

0:06
Welcome to the unto take a deep breath.
0:11
Take the higher road.
0:13
That's what they always say.
0:14
Let's see if they know the way they won't take it from me.
0:20
But don't ever dump yourself with swiping just a dream.
0:24
You made your own.
0:25
So kid can scream.
0:27
The people who will laugh with a never-ending force.
0:31
You never had the chance.
0:33
So watch away for my friend because this is whoa.
0:44
It's time since you know, there's something that happens after abuse that nobody really prepares you for.
0:59
Everyone thinks the hardest part is leaving or surviving it, getting out.
1:05
But sometimes the hardest part is what comes after.
1:09
It's the way people look at you differently.
1:11
It's the questions, that subtle judgment.
1:15
It's being asked why you stayed, instead of anyone asking what was done to you.
1:20
It's being told to forgive, to move on and to be the bigger person while the person who caused the harm is often given space, understanding, and even sympathy.
1:32
And if you speak up, if you finally find your voice and tell the truth, now you're the problem.
1:39
You're bitter, you're angry, you're too much.
1:43
And somehow the narrative quietly shifts, and you go from survivor to suspect.
1:49
I've lived this.
1:59
There's a psychological aftermath, a spiritual aftermath, and a social one that can feel just as painful.
2:07
Because you start to realize that people are far more comfortable believing the version of events that protects the image of the abuser than they are sitting with the truth of what you endured.
2:18
And that does something to you.
2:21
It makes you question yourself, it makes you shrink.
2:24
It makes you wonder if telling the truth is even worth the cost.
2:28
But here's what I've come to understand.
2:31
There is something deeply broken in a world that extends endless grace to those who harm and demands silence and perfection from those who were harmed.
2:40
And we don't talk about that enough.
2:43
So today we are.
4:48
Yes, thank you for having me.
4:56
This is your first book, I believe.
4:57
Is that correct?
4:58
Yes, correct.
4:59
Very good.
5:00
Well, let's start right here because I believe that this concept is so powerful.
5:04
You coined the term villain syndrome.
5:08
Explain that to my listeners in the most simplest and honest way.
5:12
What does that mean?
5:13
Yeah, uh, to simply put it, villain syndrome is what happens when someone survives trauma, but instead of being supported, they're often misunderstood or even blamed.
5:25
And it's when the person who was hurt gets labeled as the problem.
5:29
And in my book, I share my journey from nearly losing my life as a child to encountering faith in a hospital room, they're surviving abuse and having to rebuild physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
5:43
And um, I know nurses see this every day, Kimberly.
5:47
Um patients carrying not just physical wounds, but invisible ones as well.
5:51
And nurses are often the first to see the truth behind that pain.
5:55
The ones who show compassion when the world doesn't.
6:00
But this story is about breaking that false label, is about realizing that surviving doesn't make you broken inside, it makes you resilient.
6:10
And for me, that resilience became advocacy.
6:14
So survivors aren't villains, you know, they're they're the voices that deserve to be heard.
6:21
And I I needed to write this and get this out in the open for people who are currently struggling, people who don't understand abuse, and quite often, as the victim, I think a lot of us feel that we're not hurt enough.
6:39
But you know, the perpetrator or the person who has hurt them or are hurting them, are often the ones who get the empathy, they're never questioned, never questioned at all, like why did you do that?
6:54
And it's often the victim or the survivor that is continuously questioned.
7:00
question so I like to call it villain syndrome you know I think that's so true I think as victims we so often in even in our own minds downplay um what we've been through and we we kind of question ourselves like was it really that bad and am I overreacting um because we we get those you know the gaslighting is real and then into the point when we start to question ourselves um but I I wonder like when did you first realize that this wasn't just your experience but that this is a pattern that people experience well I've met a lot of people in my life with similar situations um I've traveled all over Tennessee and as you know the justice system sometimes can be the culprit of abuse as well yes and um hearing other people's stories and people reaching out um with similar situations I knew that I kind of had to do this to be a voice for them as well because there's so many people who are afraid to come out they're afraid to speak their truth because they feel shame because I think we live in a society where for some reason we tell victims you know they shouldn't come out they should stay silent about it and it's a form of shame yeah but we shouldn't be ashamed you know this is our testimony and you know God gives us a voice he sometimes make us makes us go through things in life in order to be a testimony for somebody else and to save lives and that's kind of when I I kind of knew I heard the voice of God telling me I had to do this I I believe that you know the wholeheartedly that we you know we should never be afraid to share our stories I I believe that I believe adversity is the author of just some of the most beautiful stories that you'll ever hear or ever read um and we are meant to share them with others because that you know they take a page of our so that becomes their survival guide um so we are definitely meant to to share our stories we should never be ashamed or afraid to do so yeah it we're not meant to stay silent I don't even think in a biblical standpoint we're meant to be quiet you know we're we're meant to live our lives with other people and the help from other people as well right and you know in your book you describe it as a collective failure of empathy why do you think that people instinctively empathize with power instead of with pain um there's several reasons why um you know for example um I think to touch base on family and friends I think are the number one culprit of empathizing with they they may not understand that they're doing it yeah but they tend to empathize with the wrong person instead of the person that they love and it's often because you know family and friends have this they have this um idea that if it were ever to get out that the abuse happened to somebody like they're gonna be in some way shape or form looked down upon and they don't they don't want to deal with that or handle that um you know I also feel like since we've gotten a feminist movement um we've come into a cultural warfare where feminists have now kind of lied in the judicial system claiming that something happened when it didn't so now we kind of perceive this idea that women are just basically going out and making things up to get a man in trouble for vindictiveness and and yes that does happen it does but it's not as much as what is being portrayed and so often I think it gets misguided and the empathy goes towards the abuser instead of the survivor I think that's true and I honestly I don't even think it is something that people may not even be consciously doing it I it's probably uh can just societal conditioning is my um theory there would you agree with that oh I I highly agree um like I said we are often told to stay silent and feel shame but then they don't say the same thing to the abuser right do they they don't they don't ask the abuser why did you do this uh why did you do it for so long what was going on in your mind when you decided to do this to this person or that person and maybe it's their background as well the the abuser's background um you know they they put on a charm and we do um they put on this this false character from the outside and people don't really know who they are from the inside and so they perceive this person well he would never do this or she would never do that to somebody but um and I think that's also a societal problem as well right and I mean having having been married to a uh a narcissist um sociopath I mean textbook absolute textbook um I I've often thought about writing a book about that experience as well but um goodness I don't even think I want to relive it but it it's it's awful and it because they are they do come off as very charming as very you know everybody was like oh he loves you so much he's so good to you he they're often very uh handsome attractive you know and and people just don't see that side of them they don't she they don't show that side to the world and then when we start kind of talking about the abuse that we're enduring we're labeled as crazy I've been labeled as crazy you know I went and tried to report the abuse and they were like well he said you're just crazy and you're just vindictive and they are are so quick to believe that because that's so classic that's yeah so classic isn't it it's always that oh the woman's lying or she's crazy or she's just over exaggerating she doesn't know what she's talking about about and the one that really annoys me the most is that insecurity she's just insecure yes um it's it's always the same thing it's never different they don't say anything different yeah and there's actually um at there's a term um that has it's uh or an acronym Darvo um deny attack reverse victim and offender do you want to touch on that a little bit yes I do
7:01
So I like to call it villain syndrome.
7:04
You know, I think that's so true.
7:05
I think as victims, we so often, in even in our own minds, downplay um what we've been through, and we we kind of question ourselves like was it really that bad?
7:18
Am I overreacting?
7:20
Um, because we we get those, you know, the gaslighting is real, and then into the point when we start to question ourselves.
7:26
Um, but I wonder like when did you first realize?
14:00
Me the most is that insecurity.
14:05
She's just insecure.
14:07
Yes.
14:08
Um, it's it's always the same thing, it's never different.
14:12
They don't say anything different.
14:14
Yeah, and there's actually um at there's a term um that has it's uh or an acronym Darvo, um deny attack, reverse victim and offender.
14:27
Do you want to touch on that a little bit?
14:29
Yes, I do.
14:30
Um Darvo actually stands for a few things, and if you give me just a second here, I marked it so I can really relate with you on what that actually means in my book, and it's actually very interesting because not many people know what Darvo is, they've never heard of it.
15:03
And I have to be quite honest with you, I never even heard of it until I started going through therapy.
15:09
Yeah, and why can't I find it?
15:17
The Darvo Complex.
15:22
Okay, here we are.
15:23
So the Darvo complex is when truth is turned against you, right?
15:29
And it makes you question your own memory, your own voice, and your own sanity, and Darvo actually stands for deny attack, reverse victim, and offender.
15:43
So it is not just a pattern, it's a strategy.
15:46
Yeah, it's very calculated, it's also often subconscious as a defense used by the abuser when they are confronted with their behavior, and at first they deny what they've done completely without hesitation, and then they attack your character, your credibility, your intentions, and then they reverse the roles entirely, Kimberly, yeah, and then they position themselves as the victim and you the offender, and this could be like extremely disorienting, and it is very effective.
16:27
Yeah, I I wonder, and I mean I've lived it.
16:30
I I can remember, I thankfully I can recognize it from a mile away at this point.
16:35
So um, you know, I can see those red flags in people, and that's probably why I'm I'm still single and stay that way because you just I very quickly can see that type of you know behavioral pattern, and I just check out instantly.
16:47
I'm like, okay, we're done here.
16:49
Um, but you know, there's a line in your book that really struck me when I was going through kind of skimming through everything.
16:55
It's the that harm doesn't end when the abuse ends, it continues in how survivors are perceived, and it's this I want you to, if you would just talk about that second layer of trauma because it is a second layer of trauma.
17:07
It's like as if you are you've already endured the pain of the trauma and the relationship and the abuse, and now you have the second layer of being re-traumatized by the way that you're perceived by society.
17:20
Yeah, so you know, I'm 38, okay, and you know, you would think at 38 years old, all of this would be behind me because I've I've left my abusers, right?
17:36
But that is absolutely false.
17:39
So it's not necessarily from the abuser themselves, it's the perception of my character that they had spent many years trying to crumble and destroy and dismantle publicly, you know, whispers to other people, whispers to a community of false characteristics of of who I really am deep down in things that never happened that they actually did to me, and as a society, we don't ask the person who is being villainated, right?
18:17
Is that true?
18:20
Did you do these things?
18:21
Did you say these things?
18:22
Is this absolutely true?
18:24
Nobody questions that whatsoever.
18:26
And so what happens is over time, and even here at 38 years old, I still have people who are kind of like, you know, they make their own story of what happened when they weren't even there, right?
18:41
They they never endured my pain, they never asked me, you know, are you okay?
18:46
What did you go through?
18:48
And they just make up false allegations, and over time, uh, you as a nurse, you probably understand this that psychologically that can be extremely damaging.
19:00
So the war isn't over when you leave that person because for years you can have family, you can have friends, you can have community making up things that are absolutely not true, and so that's what they've caused, is they've manipulated and and essentially kind of try to ruin who you are, but they know that that's what they're doing, right?
19:24
And they want the war to continue, they will do everything that they can in their power to look like the good one, and you the bad one, and then yeah, and there's a lot of missing what do you think that people misunderstand most about trauma responses because we do respond to trauma, and it's something that we live with long after um the trauma is over, quote unquote.
19:49
Um, but what do you think that people misunderstand most about our trauma response?
19:56
I think that the most thing that they they don't understand is triggers, yeah.
20:10
I think triggers are something that they think that once you leave somebody that should just be it, you should just get over it, enjoy a life, and that's absolutely not what happens, you know.
20:24
You depending on how long you survive abuse and what kind of abuse, you know, they don't understand mental abuse, they don't understand there's physical abuse, psychological, they they only look at sexual abuse.
20:42
Um, that's the number one thing that I think people misunderstand as well, is that when we say the word abuse, I think as society, we we jump to sexual abuse, okay, because I think society has just focused in on that.
20:59
We don't focus enough on mental abuse and psychological abuse, and so they don't understand anything about that, so they don't understand the healing process of a survivor, they don't understand how long it can take, they don't understand why we are the way that we are sometimes, and the triggers that set that off.
21:00
Don't focus enough on mental abuse and psychological abuse.
21:05
And so they don't understand anything about that.
21:10
So they don't understand the healing process of a survivor.
21:15
They don't understand how long it can take.
21:18
They don't understand why we are the way that we are sometimes and the triggers that set that off.
21:26
Yeah, and you know, people don't understand that trauma when you endure.
21:26
Yeah, and you know, people don't understand that trauma when you endure significant trauma or really trauma of any kind, it it rewires your nervous system completely.
21:35
And it that can show up in the way that uh we we behave in the way that we go through our daily lives.
21:43
Um, and it's it's something that that we go through, but people don't understand the significance of how it does rewire the nervous system, but a lot of times the you know, why do you survival responses they get mistaken for personality flaws in us when really it's a response to what we've been through, yes.
22:05
Um, I think we become more defensive as time goes on, uh, because our nervous systems are constantly in fight or flight, yes, and our immune systems are so suppressed that you know our brain doesn't wire reality sometimes, yeah.
22:32
And so I think fear overcomes that process.
22:38
Um, we often probably fear a good thing when it actually comes our way because for a long time we haven't known that experience, our immune system hasn't experienced the healthy relationships that are actually out there, yeah.
22:58
That that's true because when we we just don't have that that feeling of of safety, and when we can you know encounter someone who may be a healthy relationship or a safety, uh a safe place for us, we we almost don't believe it can exist.
23:17
It's it's like that those red flags start coming up again.
23:20
Um, that you just like you you just feel like everybody is trying to manipulate you, at least that's how I feel.
23:26
Oh, yeah, yeah.
23:27
And it also trust issues.
23:30
Um I I don't know, and I could be wrong on this, but I don't think that once you've been severely harmed by one or two people, no matter how many people it is, that you truly honestly trust people again fullheartedly, even if they're good people.
23:51
Um I think that that happens with the suppression of the immune system and our overall health and how our bodies perceive danger versus reality, right?
24:08
And I think you know, I I would I was blessed that you know, I I went through this this horrific experience with my first husband.
24:15
I was blessed with my second husband who you know who who but he truly loved me without an agenda because that's that's the one thing that you you are always as a victim, you're always like, okay, what's what's the end game for them?
24:28
What's their agenda?
24:29
What where is this going?
24:32
And my and it took a long time for me to kind of accept and open up with my second husband, but you know, it was a beautiful feeling.
24:41
Um, you know, and you you know, I sadly I lost him um several years ago, he passed away, but um, but it was I'm so glad that my last experience was a beautiful one and not the traumatic one, so I know what it feels like, and I can the contrast is so interesting to me to have been through that horrific experience, only to you know, then have that safe space and and that loving uh no agenda, you know, person in my life, and I think that's absolutely possible.
25:12
Do you agree that you know, even after we've been through something like this, we can find love and trust again.
25:21
Oh, absolutely, you know, we we serve a great Lord who leads us to mercy, and you know, I think I think the beauty is going through what you have leads you to the one, yeah.
25:43
And you know, that often people who have been severely abused, they they don't believe in that ever again, and I I have to admit, I went through a little bit of that for about two years during my divorce process.
25:59
I didn't know if I believed in marriage again, I didn't know if I believed in the covenant of that, because of everything that happened to me, not once but twice, right?
26:11
It just blinded me, but then I'm like, but God gives us mercy and God gives us forgiveness, and he gave me beautiful children.
26:23
If he gave me beautiful children, he's going to give me love again, yeah.
26:30
And I don't think that we can spend our whole lives like that.
26:34
I don't think it's right, and I do.
26:37
I believe absolutely 100% that God will send you your perfect spouse or perfect partner, and that partner will understand and heal you along with that.
26:53
Yeah, I believe that's true because I you know, when you find that person, like you're not gonna be too much for them.
27:01
Your experience is not going to be too much for them because a lot of people will be like, wow, you've they they'll look at what you've been through, and and they just they don't they don't want to they don't want to deal with it, they don't want to, you know, and that's not the person for you.
27:14
When you find that person, they are going to understand everything that you've been through and support you through that.
27:21
I definitely believe that.
27:24
Yeah, the the right person is not going to judge you for your past, they're gonna see you for who you are, and they're gonna want to heal you, they're not going to want to sit and you know, rehash what you've done or what's happened in the past or who you were with and who hurt you, they want to heal you.
27:43
They they they want to make you happy and thrive and and to see you go through life, uh, you know, experiencing everything that you can with the utmost happiness and joy and peace, and they won't put you through the red flags, they won't put you through anguish, they they won't do any of that, they will understand, they will want to understand, and they will understand if you have to take a moment to yourself and just decompress, they're not going to question that, like, well, you know, you need to get over this.
28:00
Happiness and joy and peace.
28:03
And they won't put you through the red flags, they won't put you through anguish.
28:10
They they won't do any of that.
28:12
They will understand.
28:13
They will want to understand.
28:14
And they will understand if you have to take a moment to yourself and just decompress.
28:21
They're not going to question that.
28:23
Like, well, you know, you need to get over this.
28:26
No, the right man or partner is going.
28:26
No, the right man or partner is going to say, take your time.
28:31
And if there's anything I can do for you, just let me know.
28:35
I'm here for you.
28:36
You know, those words, I'm here for you, are completely more healing than anybody can understand.
28:43
I'm here for you.
28:45
They they really are.
28:46
And I I have so much respect for for men or even women who, you know, can come in.
28:53
Because I mean, men can be victims of abuse as well and narcissistic abuse, especially.
28:57
Um, so I won't.
28:58
I'm sure the majority, yes, are women, but it can happen to men as well.
29:02
Um, but I have so much respect for people who can come in and put themselves in that position because it isn't an easy position to be in.
29:12
You know, I always feel like I'm very difficult to love.
29:15
Um, people will tell me that that's not right, but I feel like that's true.
29:19
I feel like I can be difficult to love because I you know, I sometimes need I need a lot of space.
29:26
I need to withdraw.
29:28
And um, I need people who will give me that that breathing room.
29:32
So I I am just uh I give so much respect to people who are really there and will um give give you know, give us what we need.
29:44
It's it's not easy.
29:46
I I will say all the time, I am it's I am not easy.
29:49
I don't think any of us are.
29:51
Well, if you have the right person, I think they see past that and they don't find you difficult.
29:58
They just they understand.
30:00
They know what I mean.
30:02
I don't think that's part of my trauma.
30:05
It's for me sitting here saying that I'm difficult.
30:07
I I'm probably I'm probably not, but that's what I'm I am wired to feel like I'm too much.
30:13
And I think that's part of um, you know, the the part of the trauma that was was placed on me.
30:20
And you know, it sounds like I still have some healing left to do.
30:25
I I think we're all always gonna need healing.
30:28
Uh, I don't think you ever truly 100% ever get over what's happened to you.
30:37
I mean, it is it's a crime in a sense.
30:41
Yeah, you know, because when people abuse you, it's not just like, oh, I I hit you or I sexually violated you, I manipulated you.
30:54
It it's a crime in God's eyes, and so it's damaging, it is completely damaging, and some people don't get out of it alive.
31:07
Yeah, and for those who do, I I just I admire so much because the strength that it takes to learn to love yourself and to heal and to realize that you're not the problem, and this is not your fault.
31:28
There are going to be so many people that will tell you it's your fault, or you know, you shouldn't have stayed, you should have left, you should have you chose this.
31:39
Yeah, and all of those things are Satan, they're a lie.
31:43
It's a lie.
31:45
Speaking through their lips, it speaks through their lips because God says, No, that's a lie.
31:53
Don't listen to it.
31:54
Yeah, the devil is the liar.
31:56
That is 100% fact.
31:58
Um, we are up against a hard break, but when we come back, we will dive further into these incredible insights from your new book, The Villain Syndrome.
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36:07
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36:09
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If you're just joining us, I've been talking with the author of the brand new book, The Villain Syndrome, Jennifer Aaron.
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Let's jump right back in.
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And I'm loving this conversation so far.
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I really feel like it is so necessary in society today.
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Absolutely.
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And I thank you so much for having me on.
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I feel so honored.
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I really do.
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Yeah, I'm I'm excited to share your book with the word.
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Like I said, it is it's so needed.
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I think that the uh the amount of people that go through something similar, and they don't feel like anybody understands, they don't even recognize some of the things that they're going through, and do and just having this book there to give them kind of uh that guidance to show them that you know you're not crazy.
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This is something that was done to you, and here are some things that you can do to try to escape what does not have to be your reality.
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Yes, you know, and in your book, your book is very deeply rooted in faith, but it's really really honest about how faith can be misunderstood.
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How does abuse distort someone's relationship with God?
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Well, often the victim can feel as if they've let God down.
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Um I know there have been many times in my life where I felt as if I was just way too disobedient to the Lord, um, not good enough for the Lord, and I think when you go through certain abuses in life, the world can cave in at you all at once and make you feel like maybe you aren't a real Christian, maybe you aren't who you think you are to God, and maybe God is mad at you, maybe God is saying, Hey, you've let me down, I'm not following the Ten Commandments, I'm I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy enough for God's grace, but it's a lie, and I think once you escape that abuse, you start to see God more in the truth about God.
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When you open your Bible and you read your Bible, you start to learn that you are worthy and that this isn't your fault, and God loves you, God forgives you, and you live and you learn, and you get stronger with God, yeah.
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And and you write about the difference between true faith and fear-based belief.
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Can you unpack that a little bit for our listeners?
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So, yeah, so fear-based relief or belief is you fear to love God, you fear it's it's like I'm saying to you, like I just said to you.
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Um, for example, I was sexually abused.
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I I didn't feel like the fear inside of me from that made me fear God's love.
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Yeah, but when I realize I shouldn't fear God's love, he already loves me.
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Um people in society have this ability to diminish how you love Jesus because they think that they know what's right or wrong on how to love God, and when you're being abused, and like I said, when I was sexually abused, you know, you start feeling filthy, yeah.
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And but you're not this is this is something you didn't ask for, this is something God didn't ask for.
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This is done to you.
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This is something that has happened against you, and it happened against God's authority, and the fear of coming out and saying those things is once again, society has told us that we should be shamed.
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And as a Christian, you should definitely be ashamed for that, but you shouldn't.
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Because somewhere out there, somebody's going through the same thing as you, somebody's questioning God, somebody's fearful of God, fearful that you know God's grace is not going to be extended to them ever again, and so they just get in this mentality where I'm not good enough for God, so I basically should just give up being a Christian.
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Yeah, you know, because this is how people see me, but it's not about what people see, it's about what God sees.
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Absolutely, you know, I and I think uh another thing that when we go through um trauma, significant trauma, and we've survived this.
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We we start to create boundaries, and boundaries are healthy.
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And boundaries are healthy.
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Okay, let me let me just put that out there.
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Okay, let me let me just put that out there.
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Boundaries can be very healthy, but they often get interpreted as as cruelty.
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Boundaries can be very healthy, but they often get interpreted as cruelty.
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Do you want to talk a little bit about that?
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Do you want to talk a little bit about that?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, so this still happens to me now.
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So this still happens to me now, where if I try to set a certain boundary that I need that makes you know me feel comfortable, doesn't set triggers.
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Where if I try to set a certain boundary that I need that makes you know me feel comfortable, doesn't set triggers.
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Um, some people.
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Some people perceive it as insecurity.
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Society has played out this field where boundaries are bad.
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Boundaries are controlling, right?
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But boundaries are absolutely not controlling.
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It is a healthy thing that you need to set.
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If you're being abused in any form, and no matter who it is, your family, your friends, whoever, you need to set those boundaries because you know what you need, and you know what is going to help you heal.
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Yes, and when people come at you and say, Oh, you're just being controlling.
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No, I'm not being controlling.
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I'm setting my boundaries because it's for my own health and my own mental health.
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Yeah, you know, and in your book, you ask a powerful question.
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Who do we instinctively protect?
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Is it the victim or the abuser?
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Mm-hmm.
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And I think as a society, it is, and I think you're you're right here.
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It is we instinctively protect the abuser, that we give them the benefit of the doubt.
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Yes, we think it's the point of the abuser knows this, and what we talked about in the very beginning, they have a charm, or they know, like a narcissist, he knows or she knows, because I don't want to label that women are the only ones who go through this, but men go through too, yeah, but they had and they already know they're one step ahead of you, and they will do everything they can to make sure that they look charming, smart, like they're the ones being abused, they know it, they know all of it, yeah, and they can be very, very convincing, and that's the manipulation, and so I think what happens is in society we build certain people up to such a high standard because they perceive themselves for so long to be this good person or this loving caring, I mean, they will go years, Kimberly.
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Yeah, they will go years without showing their true colors.
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Oh, yeah, it's fascinating because people don't believe that people just change in the snap of a finger after so long, but these people literally target victims because they know they're easy to manipulate, and they will spend years charming, loving you, making you believe the fairy tale, and then once they can't do it no more.
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Oh boy.
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Oh, there's nothing worse than when you know you you could you have them cornered when and when you out a narcissist and an abuser and you have them cornered, you you better look out.
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Oh, it's scary, it's very scary, it's very scary, it's so scary, it's so scary because they they can manipulate like a professional, and because you're not like that, you kind of have this wall between you, like, oh my gosh, how do I deal with this?
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What do I say?
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What do I say that makes me like proves that I'm the innocent one here, and that this person's doing this to me, and it's very difficult because, like I said, people they may know, or they may be a high authority figure, and they're already up on a pedestal, and people think the world of them, yeah, and then you're stuck trying to defend yourself, like, well, he did this, she did that, but then when they go get confront that person, that person's so convincing that they're just lying, yeah.
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And it really does make you question your own reality because like we see it so clearly, and we we're trying to explain it, and we're explaining it in the simplest of terms to people, and they're just not seeing it, and you're just like, how do you not see what is so clearly taking place here?
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And it really makes us as um victims or survivors, I really hate the term victims, but as survivors, it it really makes us question our own reality, and it's it's almost maddening, it is almost maddening.
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I think it could probably drive somebody insane.
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Well, you know, it actually abuse psychologically and mental abuse, we don't talk about it enough, and abuse actually can cause psychological issues, it can cause overall health issues.
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You cannot you can die from it because it rewires your brain, abuse rewires your brain and damages it, and I think you know as a nurse that there is information out there that proves that all types and forms of abuse can make you unhealthy, not just mentally, but physically.
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Oh, yeah, absolutely.
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I mean, it's all connected, and as you um alluded to earlier, our immune systems take take a hit when our body is in constant fight or flight, our immune system is is going to suffer as a result, and then we will get physically ill.
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It it can, yes, and actually, if you don't mind, there's a few parts of my book that I talk about in the miracle that interrupted hell.
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So it talks about the health, you know, um emotional suppression affects the body and can cause chronic pain, increased stress response, and higher emotional reactivity.
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Emotional reactivity.
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So what it's doing is the body keeps score, even when the voice stays silent.
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So, what it's doing is is the body keeps score even when the voice stays silent, yeah.
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Yeah.
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And you know, I wanted to touch base on here today.
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And you know, I wanted to touch base on here today.
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There have been studies that prove that when victims stay quiet and they don't come out and they don't speak out.
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There have been studies that prove that when victims stay quiet and they don't come out and they don't speak out, they have like proven that.
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They have like proven that a lot of them have PTSD.
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They have emotional dysregulation, long-term psychological distress.
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So in reality, silence doesn't just delay healing, it deepens the wound over time.
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Yeah.
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And you know, something that was um really relates to me is that I stayed silent for so many years out of fear and pressure from not just loved ones, friends, society in fear of legal, you know, consequences.
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And over the years, I have had immense heart problems.
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Um I've had such a weakened immune system that I'm still fighting deficiencies.
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I'm I'm fighting some health issues, nothing major, but um, I have chronic fatigue as well.
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And so reach research shows that people who consistently suppress emotions have higher risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, weakened immune systems, and chronic fatigue.
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Yes, and people often do it like I said, like I did out of fear of staying silent.
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They're fear, they fear of not being believed, they fear of being blamed and fear of humiliation.
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But studies have shown that for those who don't stay silent and they talk about it, they don't have these problems.
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They have improved immune system function, they have better overall mental health and reduced anxiety and depression.
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So again, I think it's important that we speak out.
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Society will tell you don't do that because it's embarrassing.
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And I say, No, the statistics of the health clearly state that people who speak out, they heal, their bodies are healthier, their mental health is healthier, and it's because we're not supposed to be suppressed, Kimberly.
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No, and no, we're not.
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We're not.
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I 100% agree with you, and that's part of the healing journey, right?
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And that's in sharing your experience with others is is how we heal.
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Yeah, I mean, when you think about it, when we as Christians, who do we go to when we're hurting?
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Do we stay silent with God or do we speak to God?
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Speak to God, and God is healing, right?
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And God heals your body and your mind and your soul.
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So for me, I'm done being silent.
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Absolutely.
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I just encourage anybody who's going through this, anybody who has gone through it that is really struggling.
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If you want to be heard, be heard because our testimony can change the lives of so many people out there and save lives because, like I said earlier, some women, some men don't get out alive because they're silent and they're they fear.
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Don't fear have the armor of God and be that voice, and don't let anybody tell you that you're not supposed to speak out and that it's shameful.
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Abuse is not shameful on the survivor, it is a testimony, it is your testimony, it is your story, and you speak, and you speak loudly.
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Amen.
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I really thank you, Jennifer, for your courage and for your willingness to share you know your experience with with so many out here that are going through something similar.
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Um, I know that this has resonated with me, and I know it will resonate with so many of my listeners.
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Um, you know, you give a language to something that so many people are feeling, but just don't know how to explain, and just reminding us that survival is it's not a flaw, and even when it's uncomfortable, you know, the truth is always the truth, and we need to speak it, and we need to speak it loudly and boldly.
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Yes, so I I appreciate your courage uh more than you know.
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We've got just a about a minute left, but I really want you to share.
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Um, where can people find your book, The Villain Syndrome?
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Yes, maybe your work to follow you if they'd like.
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Yeah, um, you can find me on Facebook under Jennifer Aaron, and also my book is available on Amazon, it's paperback and um ebook for right now, but I'm looking into getting it on to Barnes and Noble next.
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Or if you want to order a book, if you want to order a book and you you're nearby, I have copies as well.
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Excellent.
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Well, I yeah, I would love to.
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I'm gonna get um, I I'm gonna get a book for myself.
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Um, so maybe we can meet meet up and have lunch.
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Jennifer is local, she's a friend, so we'll we'll definitely have to connect.
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And I would love to get one of these these books, and and and probably, you know, when I'm done reading it, share it with others.
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I think that's so important to do.
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Um, but Jennifer, thank you again so much for being here.
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I think there's probably so much more we could dive into.
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You are welcome back anytime.
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Um, I I wish you much luck and success with this book that again is is so needed.
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I'll make sure that I include links to the book in the show notes that will accompany this episode once it goes to podcast.
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Jennifer Aaron, thank you so much.
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Thank you.
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God bless.
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And that is all the time that we have for today, friends.
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But remember, we are here on the air five days a week, Monday through Friday at 10 a.m.
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Eastern with a different nurse host daily.
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Please be sure to tune in and listen to myself and these courageous nurses as we walk you through all of these hot topics.
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We will empower you with information and education.
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We will advocate and we will stand in the gap for you because we are nurses, and this is what we do.
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And we will stand in the gap for you because we are nurses, and this is what we do.
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I'm your host, nurse Kimberly Overton, and you can find me here every Wednesday morning at 10 a.m.
56:05
I'm your host, Nurse Kimberly Overton, and you can find me here every Wednesday morning at 10 a.m.
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Eastern.
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Eastern.
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Until next time, be safe, be well, and God bless.
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Until next time, be safe, be well, and God bless.
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Remember, we are in a war for truth.
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Remember, we are in a war for truth.
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We are putting out a bounty on the real misinformation and exposing the purveyors of propaganda.
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We are putting out a bounty on the real misinformation and exposing the purveyors of propaganda.
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No topic is off limits as we shine our lights and expose the darkness.
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No topic is off limits as we shine our lights and expose the darkness.