Latest / Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis / 025: The Silent Self-Talk That’s Keeping You Stuck

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025: The Silent Self-Talk That’s Keeping You Stuck · Limitless Living with Fredricka Davis

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, and welcome back to the Limitless Living Podcast.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Frederica Davis, wellness expert, entrepreneur, and creator of the Limitless Reset Method.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: So today is Sustainable Success Tuesday.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we get to talk about building success, leadership, and life in a way that actually supports you instead of keeping you stuck in the patterns that are no longer serving you or stuck in burnout and overwhelm.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have ever felt like you do know what to do, like you've been reading the books or taking the courses or learning the techniques and having the conversations, but somehow yet you're still not breaking through in a way that you want to.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: This episode is for you.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because today we're talking about something that almost no one really explains fully.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the silent self-talk that keeps us stuck.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: You are probably not even noticing this self-talk.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Don't even hear it.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: And most women I talk to don't necessarily walk around saying to themselves, I'm not good enough.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Some do, but most don't.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's not usually how it actually shows up.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: This silent self-talk, it's really much, much quieter than that.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Much more sneaky or insidious than that.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: It sounds more like, I'll do it later.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or I just need a little more time.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not ready yet.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or I don't know, let me think about it.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or I'll start Monday, or I'll start next week.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: All those things they sound reasonable and sometimes they can be.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: But what's underneath them often is what's actually keeping you stuck.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I see it all the time with the women I work with.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Women who are smart, they're capable and driven.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, women like yourself that want more in life.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you want more health or more freedom with your time, more income and abundance or more peace.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, you're doing the things to get to that place, but yet somehow you're still feeling like they're not working, like they're just not hitting the mark.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you're not having the breakthrough that you need to get to the next point that you want to be.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And they're doing all of the things to work towards that, but they're not taking the time to stop and sit still.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: And by that I mean sitting still long enough to break through patterns that might be holding them back.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say sitting sitting still or slowing down, I mean really looking at it.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not a lack of their knowledge that they're not breaking through, they're not getting to their goals or what they're meant for next or what they more what they want more of, or any of that.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's definitely not a lack of effort.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's usually the patterns that are running quietly in the background.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And because you may not have sat still long enough to pay attention to what those patterns are, to pay attention to what those little voices and statements are that we say to ourselves, the things that we tell ourselves all day long, that start, of course, to feel normal, start to feel justified, even true.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: We don't sit still long enough to realize that or to listen to them and understand, let alone start beginning to break them.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: So this keeps us, keeps you in the exact same place.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why sometimes you can feel like you're working and working and working and you're trying to move forward.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: You make, you know, two steps forward and one step back, and you feel like you're spinning wheels and not really getting anywhere.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: So let me break this down a little simpler because once you see this, this is where the real change is going to start to happen for you.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: The thoughts beneath the thoughts are what creep in and derail us.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: So, number one is this is the first thing you need to understand.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: The real thought is not the one that you hear, it's the one that's underneath it.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: So when you say something like, I'll do it later, what's under that is something more like, I don't feel ready.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: This might not work.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: What if I fail?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're procrastinating.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: That I'll do this later.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Procrastination is coming from some other feeling.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the sneaky stuff.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: So when you say I don't need, you know, I just need more time, what usually lies underneath that is something along the lines of I don't trust myself to follow through, or I don't want to do this the wrong way, or I don't believe this will actually change anything, or I don't believe I can do that, or just I don't have the confidence for that yet.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: These are not surface thoughts.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: These are the identity level beliefs that live inside of us and they're running us constantly.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: These beliefs that are running under the surface constantly look more like these types of thoughts.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's hard to recognize them as being the self-destructive ways of thinking and identities that we have.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: It would be easy if we just thought, oh, I can't do that because uh don't know how to do that, or because I'm afraid I'll fail.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not how it shows up the most.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why sometimes it's so hard to break these patterns because it just shows up with more procrastination, or I need more time, or coming up with excuses.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: These are identity-level beliefs.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: So the second part of this I want to talk about is that your brain is actually and your nervous system, they're actually designed to keep you safe, not necessarily successful.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now think about that.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: This is where people really get tripped up.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain and your nervous system, they're wired for familiarity.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: It makes them feel safe.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: They're not wired for growth or expansion.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: They want familiar.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: So even if your current patterns are keeping you stuck, even if they're not good for you, they're familiar.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain will keep choosing them because to your system, familiar equals safe, unknown equals threat.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So when you try to do something new, like in your business, if you try to raise your prices or show up more in life, in business, whatever it is, try to take on a new goal.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Try to have a hard conversation.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: When you take better care of your body, your system doesn't go, yay, this is awesome.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is growth.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: It instead, what it does is it literally goes, wait, wait, wait, wait, is this safe?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it pulls you back.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you're weak or you don't deserve it, or because it's unattainable, or you're not enough, or any of those things.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: It does it because you're human and it and it does it because its knee-jerk reaction is to keep you safe first.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's not genuinely safe, it just feels that way.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: So the third thing is we have these what's called I call evidence loops, so to speak.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: You create what you keep on confirming.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: So this is where it gets a bit more powerful.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: You act based on what you believe.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you think about, you bring about, right?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: What you think about, you bring about, or that which we think is that which we create.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's many sayings.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: They've all been shown, I can tell you personally, professionally, and for since the dawn of time, probably, these have been shown to be true.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And whatever you believe, you will act accordingly with that belief.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Then what happens is you collect evidence to support the belief, because of course you're acting on the belief.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: So if somewhere in you you believe, I don't follow through.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: What happens?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you were told that and now you believe it because people told it to you.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: These beliefs come from places too.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: They can come from you, they can come from experiences you've had, they've they most often come from what other people have told you, have fed you, and experiences that you have had.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: So let's say you believe I don't follow through.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then what happens?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: You start to hesitate, you delay, you stop early, you don't finish things.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then you say, ah, see, I knew it.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: That just becomes your proof right there.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, over and over and over again, when you think that again and again, you just create it again and again and you reinforce.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's a loop.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: What you reinforce starts to become your reality.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: These things can be changed.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: So the fourth thing I want to talk about is the identity filters.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: We have these preconceived notions of who we are, again, brought in by other people, by our experiences, by what we see in the world, many different ways.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't act based on goals, typically.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: This is the part people often miss.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: You don't act based on your goals.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: You act based on who you believe you are.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: So you can say, I want to grow my business, I want to feel better in my body, I want to make more money, but if your identity and what you believe you are and who you believe you are, is still saying I'm inconsistent, I always fall off, I've never been good with money, I don't finish what I start.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: All the odds are stacked against me.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is always so hard.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: All those different things, your actions will create the necessary steps, problems, challenges to match your beliefs and your identity every single time.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: So let me say this very clearly.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're not likely stuck because you don't know what to do.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: You're stuck because of what your brain is quietly confirming all day long.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, this is where I want you to pause for a second, because this is not about judging yourself.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: It this is about noticing.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And once you become aware of these patterns, you can start to truly get your power back.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I have a few takeaways for you, some actions I want you to really start with.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna give you just three things for this week, and I want to keep it really simple.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Number one is gonna be first and foremost, start listening to your default phrases.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't mean the dramatic ones, I mean the subtle ones.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Pay attention to the I'll do it later, or the I'm just tired thought, or I don't feel like it, or maybe next week, or I need to think about it.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: I need to do some more research.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'll start Monday.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever those thoughts are.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to ask yourself.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, I want you to write them down, then I want you to ask yourself what's underneath each thought.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is where the real work is.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then number two, I want you to interrupt the pattern.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this requires you to be still long enough this week to think about these things.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: So give yourself that time.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Interrupt the pattern, don't just observe it.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Awareness is step one.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: You need interruption though.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: So when you catch the pattern, pause and choose something different.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's small, even if it's imperfect.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: This is how you start breaking these loops by consciously choosing and doing something different.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: And number three, choose one identity to practice this week, not 10, just one.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, who do I who do I need to be to get the result I want?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Then practice acting from that place, not perfectly, but intentionally.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now listen, we live in this day and age where everybody is all about authenticity.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not telling you to be a fake person.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And there's an old saying, I grew up in the age of, you know, when you were being taught many different careers and trying to get jobs, you know, there was the fake it till you make it statement.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there's some truth in that, and there's some not so authentic in that, in my opinion.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't want you to think of this as you faking who you are.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think of this as you stepping into the next evolving version of yourself.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that is the person you need to be to get the result you want.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm gonna leave you with one final reflection question for the week.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I want you to sit with and ask yourself.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: What is the one thing I keep telling myself that sounds harmless, that I tell myself on repeat often, but it is actually keeping me stuck exactly where I am.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if this resonated with you, come join us inside the Limitless Living community.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is the kind of work we do in there, and we continue the conversation.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about real patterns and real change.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if this episode made you think a little differently, share it with someone who needs it, or if you haven't already, leave a review so more women can find the show.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the biggest shifts in your life, they don't come from doing more.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: They come from finally seeing what's been running in the background all along.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: And once you see it, you get to choose something different.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll see you in the next episode.