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161 // We Shouldn't Apologize for Having ADHD · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

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  It can be so disheartening to feel like we have to apologize for authentically being who we are.
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  I will give you the strategies to build God-centered confidence so you can know
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  in your heart that you do belong.
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  You are enough and you are made on purpose and with a purpose.
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  Hey, I'm Kelsey Spronk, fellow ADHD mom and entrepreneur. Join me in building confidence.
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  Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I am your host,
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  Kelsey Spronk, and today we're going to answer the question,
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  should we apologize for having ADHD?
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  Before we get into that though, don't forget to click that follow button so
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  you don't miss out on future episodes, and then stick around for the five tips
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  that I have for you today that will help you not feel the need to apologize all the time.
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  Now what I'm talking about here, I think it's important to apologize when we've
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  genuinely when we've genuinely done something wrong.
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  But when we feel the constant need to apologize for being who we are it can be exhausting,
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  it can be connected to things like masking where we feel like we have to hide who we genuinely are
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  and it can make us feel like we're not enough we're not good enough like we're
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  never going to be good enough and that is an awful place to be.
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  And so I want to help you find that balance between apologizing when we've hurt
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  somebody versus apologizing for simply being who we are.
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  Because I think often in our relationships, in our friendships,
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  when we feel that constant need to apologize, it's often because we're living
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  in misalignment with who we are and what would actually be helpful for us.
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  So what I What I mean by that is, if you're spending time with people who, you know.
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  Are quite different in a lot of ways, and you're only spending time with those
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  people—I'm not saying we should never spend time with people who think differently,
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  who have a different kind of brain than us, that's not what I'm saying—,
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  But if those are the only people you spend time with, you might see all of them
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  as being the same and you being different, and that might make you feel like
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  you need to apologize for being who you are.
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  I think it's important to spend time with people who understand you,
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  people who have some of those kind of same responses. One of those for me is
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  interrupting in conversations with people who don't do that.
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  I do feel the need to apologize and sometimes I will not necessarily for who
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  I am but apologizing if I have you know cut them off from what they were saying,
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  but it's also important for me to have time with people where we kind of interrupt
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  each other and we have this fun banter in this conversation and it's so much
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  fun and we tell each other stories and and things like that and recognize that you know what.
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  Thinking that interrupting is rude or wrong can often just be a perspective.
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  It doesn't mean that I am rude or wrong or that you are rude or wrong.
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  So in today's episode, I want to give you a few pieces of encouragement and
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  advice to help you really be confident in who you are, to understand who you
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  are so that in these situations,
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  you can better decipher whether this is something that's about who you are and
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  you don't need to apologize, or whether this is something where,
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  you know, you've intentionally hurt somebody or done something wrong.
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  So number one, you need to learn who you are. And I have several parts to that. One is your worth.
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  In Psalm 139.14, it says, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
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  Your works are wonderful. I know that full well.
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  And in Romans 12.68, it says, we have different gifts according to the grace given us.
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  If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.
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  If it is serving, let him serve.
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  If it is teaching, let him teach. If it is encouraging, let him encourage.
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  If it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously.
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  If it is leadership, let him govern diligently.
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  If it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
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  Now what I'm seeing here about your worth and in Romans when it's talking about
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  different gifts, I think it's important to recognize that just because some
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  of the things that we are prone to, whether it's impulsivity.
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  Just because those are viewed negatively sometimes in a neurotypical world,
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  I don't think that they're bad. I don't think those things are inherently bad.
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  So just as an example, as I've mentioned many times, I often work at the coffee shop.
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  And sometimes I will join somebody's conversation. I use discretion,
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  obviously, if they're talking about personal things or whatever it is, I wouldn't interrupt.
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  But I look at that. And from some people's perspective, they might say,
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  what? You would interrupt a conversation? That's always rude. I wouldn't think so.
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  I love it when people join in a conversation with myself or myself and a friend.
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  The more the merrier. The more people, the better.
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  And so recognizing that we have different gifts.
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  We have different ways of being. We are unique. And that doesn't make us wrong.
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  So understanding that your worth is unchanging no matter whether you're different
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  from anyone else or not and no matter what anyone else thinks.
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  The second part of learning who you are your past and your story who who you
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  are it helps you to understand so that you can pave a path forward,
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  another part is your strengths your interests your passions your purpose,
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  and then also your needs now i can link the episodes below but figuring out
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  your survival needs your foundational needs and your life-giving needs what
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  are the things that light you up what are the things that help you to function
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  your best and to be fully who you are.
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  Number two is to work through the lies that you believe and replace them with
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  truths. Now, what I mean by this is, in this example, in the coffee shop the
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  other day, I thought I recognized somebody, so I said something to them.
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  And the response I got, I think they were being sarcastic, and I sometimes don't
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  do well with sarcasm. But.
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  Some of the stuff that they said came across a little bit hurtful.
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  But at this point, I could look at this with facts of nothing mean was said,
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  or I could give in to the lies.
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  And at the time, I did have to fight with the lies for a little bit.
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  And this is what I want you to do is I want you to become aware of the lies
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  that come up in your mind when you experience something in your life,
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  when you feel the need to apologize.
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  Are you saying, oh, I'm a terrible friend. I always interrupt.
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  Or, oh, I'm always late. They must think I don't care.
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  Look at the facts and not the lies. So in that lie, for example,
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  of I show up late. They must think I don't care.
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  Are there other ways that you show that you care? Do you show up for your friend?
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  Do you call them? Do you give them a hug when they need it? Do you encourage
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  them? What are the other ways that you show up?
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  And look at the facts instead of the lies that are beneath some of our insecurities and uncertainties.
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  Number three in building confidence in who you are so you don't feel like you
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  have to apologize all the time is practice.
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  So what I mean by that is when a negative thought comes up.
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  Practice facing it and saying, is this true?
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  Is this real? What do I want to do about it? What else could be true in this situation?
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  You could practice you know what do you want to do when you feel like you've
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  failed how do you want to respond,
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  for example remembering your worth remembering who you are remembering that failures is,
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  part of learning and it's part of growth and that you are growing into the person
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  that you want to become number four,
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  is to find the people who appreciate you exactly as you are I have some friends
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  that I've had for a long time, and although they don't also have ADHD,
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  we appreciate each other for all of who we are.
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  And I know they, how do I say this?
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  I know they know that I love them, that I care about them, even if I interrupt
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  them, even if I show up late and we understand each other and there is depth in those friendships.
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  There are also other people that I have met where I'm able to,
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  you know, blurt something out or interrupt or whatever it is or make a joke
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  that with other people I would maybe regret later.
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  But with them, I know they would make, you know, the same kind of joke with me.
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  So finding those people who really appreciate you as you are,
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  this can be so incredibly helpful so that you can see yourself.
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  That there are people who appreciate those parts of you.
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  And it's not that you need to change those or apologize for those all the time.
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  Sometimes we just need to find the right people to appreciate us exactly as we are.
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  Number five, let's leave the apologizing for when we've actually done something
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  wrong, not just for being different and making people feel uncomfortable.
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  I don't know about you, but I feel like sometimes I need to apologize to other
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  people if I make them feel uncomfortable or I make them feel like what they're
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  doing is not good enough.
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  Or I just, you know, just by being different, it can sometimes feel like we
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  need to apologize. And I want to encourage you that that's not the case.
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  We can apologize when, you know, we've intentionally hurt somebody,
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  when we've done something wrong.
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  And I think a really important piece of this as well is that,
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  It's not about apologizing for who we are and making it about the shame of saying
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  that we are wrong and we're not good enough.
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  It's so important to separate our worth and our identity from our apology.
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  Even if we have done something wrong, it doesn't mean that we are bad.
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  It doesn't mean that we are no longer valuable. It's something separate.
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  Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody messes up and when we apologize saying hey
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  I'm sorry for hurting you by doing whatever it was,
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  doesn't mean that we our worth has changed at all and I think that can be a
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  really important piece to understand as well,
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  I hope this has made sense I hope something has been helpful for you today essentially
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  if you leave with one thing today I want to encourage you to to not feel like
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  you need to apologize for being yourself.
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  I want you to be able to figure out who you truly are, what lights you up,
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  what brings you joy and life, and I want you to be that version of yourself.
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  Yes, there will be times that you need to apologize for hurting somebody,
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  but I don't want you to feel like you need to apologize for being who you are because
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  I promise you if I met you, I would probably be so excited to find someone else
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  who was similar in some ways to me and I would be,
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  excited to see you show up authentically.
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  If this is something that you need help with, you want to work together,
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  I do offer coaching, which is essentially like.
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  A casual conversation where we can figure out how you can pave a path forward
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  and build your confidence and learn how to work past the things that have been holding you back.
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  You can go to adhdwithconfidence.com forward slash offerings.
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  That's ADHDwithconfidence.com slash offerings.
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  Thanks so much for being here with me today. Until next time, God bless.