Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 92 | What Our Prison System Can Teach Us About Family

Transcript

Ep. 92 | What Our Prison System Can Teach Us About Family · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  What's up, 5-Minute Fatherhood listeners? Have you guys seen that Family Team's Weekend Live is officially open? You can register. You can claim your spot. A two-day event, Cincinnati, Ohio, October 18th and 19th this year. We're going to pack 250 couples in a Memorial Hall historic theater downtown where we're going to lean in, roll up our sleeves, and we're going to be able to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a
• 0:20
  and have a workshop about building a multi-generational family team on mission. You're gonna get practical tips, you're gonna get practical tools, you're gonna leave with a family blueprint and manual, and officially you're also going to be not alone and realize there's other people who want to do the same thing as you. We want you guys there, it's selling out fast, so make sure to go to familyteams.com slash weekend to register and claim your spot. And there's also a special little discount code if you're part of our Facebook group, which you can find a link to that,
• 0:48
  in the info section on audio or the info section on the YouTube channel. So again, familyteams.com slash weekend. It's selling out fast. Claim your spot. We'd love to see you there. The cultural bar for a good father is still pretty low, even for good ones.
• 1:10
  Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Bethke, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned.
• 1:31
  Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood. I want to talk a little bit about a crisis that is going on in our culture within our prison system. Now, I don't know if you guys know that one statistic I want to share with you guys. In September 2013, the incarceration rate of the United States was the highest...
• 1:49
  Yeah, I think that's right.
• 2:10
  And there's a book that Jeff and I both really dug into, a guy named Warren Farrell, who wrote a book called The Boy Crisis, and he began to call prisons, prisons are centers for dad-deprived boys.
• 2:24
  And one article I was reading about Warren Farrell's assessment here says, "'Prisons are populated primarily by men who were abandoned or rejected by their fathers. Bill Glass, a dedicated evangelist who counseled almost every weekend for 25 years with men who were incarcerated, says that among the thousands of prisoners he had met, not one of them genuinely loved his dad. 95% of those on death row hated their fathers.'"
• 2:51
  And this really breaks my heart. When you think about, you know, you can think about this from sort of a security perspective. A lot of times this is the way it's pitched, right? Like, oh my gosh, so much of the crime in our country is related to the fatherhood crisis. But what really gets me when I think about this problem are these men who, did they ever really have a decent chance at understanding how to control their impulses, how to live a great life?
• 3:17
  while their crimes are stealing life from so many other people, their lives have also been so badly damaged and destroyed because of the abandonment or the abuse of a father. And I think it's important, you know, when I hear or we talk about the prison crisis or the drug crisis or all these things, guys, just constantly want to remind you guys that this is all— the root cause of this is the lack of fathers. And even this phrase, dad-deprived boys, which we've talked about in the podcast before—
• 3:45
  is one of the most heartbreaking phrases that I can imagine, that this is really the root cause of so many problems. And one last story that I know that in one of Dobson's books about boys, he pointed this out, that there was a program in a prison that really gathered the prisoners together
• 4:04
  to all send a card to their mother for Mother's Day. And it was one of the most successful programs in this prison's history. Men were just having so many bonding moments around talking about how much they loved their mothers and how much their mothers meant to them that the people who started this program decided, hey, let's just repeat the program next month for Father's Day. And so they did everything exactly the same way, set up the room, got everything ready, and no one showed up. And this was, for these people, the epiphany.
• 4:33
  that the problem that really is crime and what is causing these issues in the prison systems and what is really destroying the lives of these men was their lack of having a father. That's so few men in these prisons actually have a relationship with their fathers. And this is something we have to understand at the root level, that what you and I are doing in trying to love and father our children is so foundational
• 5:03
  to their lives and to what creates any kind of stability in flourishing a society. Yeah. And I think one, two things I think of real quick is the first thing is, man,
• 5:15
  do a thought experiment of envisioning how much this world is lacking because of the fatherlessness and those men in prison. Meaning what would the future be like if all those guys were loved and had a strong bond with their father and had families themselves or were single on a mission or created things in beauty and goodness into the world or brought joy and blessing and innovation and technology to the world, whatever it is.
• 5:43
  you can just think of, man, the ripples are kind of insane when you start putting it in that perspective of what we're losing collectively as a society from our own brothers and sisters because of the brokenness of the family. And then last thing I would say to encourage you guys, but also make sure that we're hearing this, you know, at the end of the day too, we have to realize, guys, the thing that forms a strong bond with family,
• 6:07
  fathers to their sons is usually not the authority discipline thing. Now, of course, that's a part of our job description, but I think we also have to be careful too that like exactly with that card experiment, there's not this like this, this compelled love in a kid's heart towards their father, but there is for their mother. And I think a lot of that ties to the nurturing and to
• 6:27
  And I'm not saying that a father needs to do exactly that. There's distinction there, even though there's also similarity there. But I do think there needs to be, we need to go way past the cultural, the cultural bar for a good father is still pretty low, even for good ones. Of just like pay the bills and like, you know, answer their questions when they ask you. Not pursue their hearts, shepherd their hearts, talk to them, dig into them, fight for them.
• 6:50
  pray for them, get on your knees for them, teach them the scriptures, teach them all of life, et cetera. And so I think, man, let's make sure that we're capturing the biblical vision too of what that looks like, because that's what then you create in your kid. And that's if we know without a dad, or if we did have a good dad, that is the magic that creates the strong
• 7:07
  strong bond that then becomes something that they will hopefully pass on to their kids because they know what it's like to be loved by a father, to be pursued by their father. And so that's what I would say for this one, guys, is just remember the importance of it, but also remember and cast that vision for the future and what that can look like and step into that today.
• 7:26
  Hey guys, one of our favorite places to hang out on is the family team's Instagram. That is where you will find tips, quotes, tricks, and a bunch of other conversational things to help you build your family team on mission. If you're on Instagram and you want to get encouragement as you do this and build your family team, just head over to Instagram and follow us at family teams.