Latest / Dear Chelsea / A Fresh Batch of Miracles with Uzo Aduba

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A Fresh Batch of Miracles with Uzo Aduba · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you hi. Welcome to
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. Everybody. It's a brand new episode of Dear Chelsea.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I'm well. I am pretty excited. I've been in Canada
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: because I'm doing my stand up dates here, my touring
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: dates here. But Joe was with me for a while
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: with the dogs, which was amazing because he would walk
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: them and feed them and walk them. And I don't
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: like walking my dogs. First of all, my dogs are
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: pretty unwalkable, but I just don't like it. And I'm
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: so lazy, which is why I'm a terrible parent, and
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: I know not to have a child. But when he left,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: I found the peepalds in the closet and just resorted
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: to that. I put them on the balcony, I opened
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: the door, and then they just go and use that
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: like I take them out once, and he used to
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: take them out seven times a day. So I mean,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: it's like it's such a stark contrast from when he's here,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: and I don't understand. Like Burt will pace upstairs in Whistler.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: My my bedrooms are downstairs in the living rooms upstairs,
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: and Bert will pace back and forth all morning, and
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: the pitter powder of his claws is so fucking annoying.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Is so annoying. At five every morning he starts like,
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: let's go, let's go. I want to eat, let's go,
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: so the idea. And every morning I'm like, God, just
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: go back to bed, bird, go back to bed. I'm
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: thinking for my bed. But every morning Joe would just
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: pop right out of bed and go take them out.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: And then he has no problem. Like you know, at night,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: when I'm stoned and ready to get into bed, the
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: last thing I want to do is take them out,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: and he'll do it on a moment's notice. Like he
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: has a different mental capacity than I do. And I'd
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: like to tap into his, because I do want to
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: be somebody who wants to take my dogs out. But
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's going to happen in this lifetime, Katherine.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, let's be realistic, you know what I mean. Well,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: maybe not in their lifetimes, because they don't seem like
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: they really want to go for a hike. They seem
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: pretty lazy. They are, That's part of it. They just
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: like walk outside listlessly, you know, and then p forty
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: times and on each other. It's just like one of
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: them is sniffing, and the other one lifts is like, yeah,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: and I have on my rugs are both ruined here.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm for fairly certain my entire place just
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: smells like you're in. So I've basically turned into, you know,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: somebody who's basically living like in a trailer park. Yeah,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I know. I'm just like I've lost all ability for
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: any sort of decorum. Well, you know what, you're at
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: your vacation home. It can you can live in squalor.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: It's I'm living in my white privilege vacation home. Well,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: today we have a really fun guest. Chelsea. Our guest
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: today is an award winning actress and she recently started
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: in the Emmy winning drama series in Treatment, and then
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: she just finished the Broadway production of Clyde's pain Killer
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: is a new project that is coming out on Netflix.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: It's a limited series starring her and Matthew Broderick. So
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: please welcome Uzo A Duba Uzo. How are you? I
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: am great? How were you? How were you all? Well?
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I was excited. First of all. I want to say
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: that I just recently saw Uzo's play Clyde in New York,
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: which I think has already ended, right, did you just wrap? Yeah,
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: we just finished on the sixteenth of January. Congratulations, thank you,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: thank you for coming to see us. Lay Oh, Joe,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Coy and I came. Yes, we came, and we sat
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: in the back of the theater, not in our assignce seats. Uh.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: We decided to move because Joe had a cocktail and
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: we weren't allowed to bring that in either. So we
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: were breaking laws left and rules left and right coming there.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: But we loved seeing you. I love seeing you in action.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: You know how I feel about your acting. I love it.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Thanks Lead. This is Catherine, my co host
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: and producer. Catherine. Nice to meet you. I love your hair, Catherine,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: thank you. It's just it's bright pink today and fluffy
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: and she's always full of color when I get here.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: How are you doing, wing Uzoh? How how has pandemic
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: life been treating you? I heard that you secretly got
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: married during the pandemic? Is that a fact? That is
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: a fact? WHOA? I sure did? I got married um
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: September twelve. Yeah, it was, you know, it wasn't even
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: like it's not so much I would say, like a secret.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: It's like that expression like it wasn't a secret, just
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: wasn't anybody's business or I wasn't talking about it. You know,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: we've been together. It was a long time coming, and
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: it just so happened that a pandemic happened, you know,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: like that was meant to happen. But then we all
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: got shuttered in and so were you able to spend
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: the wedding with your family and your friends and have
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: all the people that were important to you there? Yeah,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: that was you know what's so funny about pandemic I
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: mean about pandemic Weddings's exactly. The thing about pandemic weddings
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: is because you can't have this never ending list of names,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: you know, people showing up, you really are forced to
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: tailor it down to the allowed number, you know, because
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: living in New York, especially in that time, it was
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: so limited the number of people who could gather. So
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: we were forced to really get down to the bones
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: of it, and it wound up just being our families
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: and the end. And to tell you the honest truth,
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: it was awesome. It was perfection. It was really great
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: because then you know the way you all experience like
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: together you you have siblings, you know, like my brothers
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: and sisters. Now everybody plays like an even more significant
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: role on the day, you know, because it's just you guys.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Did you write your own vows or did you use
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: traditional vows? Combination? Wrote and the traditional part like we
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: cut like the swearing party where it's like do you
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: vow to like we're better or verse. I'm like, I'm
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: gonna need this in writing, like I'm gonna need the
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: part like my better and worst parts, like you know, um,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: we kept those parts, but yeah, we wrote our own
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: as well. And how does it feel to be a
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: married woman. It feels the same but different. You know.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: It's so funny because right before we were engaged, my cousin,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: my little cousin, was getting married and she had said
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: this thing we're talking about, you know, like getting married
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: this to this, and she was in the middle of
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: her engagement and she said something like, don't mourn being single,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: because there are really precious things about that that you
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: never are going to get again. And I was like,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: what do you mean, and she was like, you just
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: being able to just truly, without explanation, get up and
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: go without telling anybody. I'm going to Tagiti. That's just gone,
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: just those little things, and I think that's more of
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: the difference. Checking in was just never something that was
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: like expected of me before, and it's like, oh now
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I have to check in that I'm coming home those
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: little things. But I like it. I don't know. I
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: think it just gave me like that I wanted, not needed,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: but wanted. Uh huh, that's interesting. I like the notion
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: of dating. You know, I love having a boyfriend instead
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: of having a husband, Like I just think it's a
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: sexier sounding thing. And Joe, and you know, when I
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: talked to my girlfriends about being married, they're like Gwyneth
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Palto said this. She said she was when we got engaged,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: we didn't live together for two years, or we got married,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: we didn't live together for two years. She goes, and
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: it just got sexier and hotter our relationship, Like it
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: became like a flirtation, almost like we were married but
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: still not together. And she's like, so there was this
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: build up she goes, where all of a sudden, him
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: being my husband became so much sexier than him being
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: my boyfriend. And I was like, oh, okay, let me
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: try and think about it in that framework, because I
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: always think quait weddings is like, Okay, then the party's over.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: That's the last party and then it's over. And I
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: want the potential for another party to always be around
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: the core on earth. Maybe that's the thing. Maybe you
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: should have continuous parties going, you know, even if you're married,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: you get to have some kind of event that gives
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: you the freedom to be I don't know, still feel
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: that singlehood also, I will say I think it's different
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: if I worked in a different industry, maybe where you
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: come home every single day, you know what I mean.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Like we have like the fortune of feeling like dating
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: sometimes because you're out of town for work, so you
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: have those little like periods apart. But that makes me
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: miss him more even more, like just our day to day.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: So what did you do with your brothers and sisters
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: on your wedding day? Like what what were their responsibilities?
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: Because that is one reason I would get married, to
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: make sure that all my brothers and sisters would be
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: able to share that with me totally. Well, first of all,
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: we while they were part of a lot of the
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: readings we have like little things, you know, like letters
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: that we've found, like love letters from like poets and musicians,
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: to their lovers and things like this that we had
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I thought were really beautiful and had those read, which
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: was kind of cool. They read that stuff, they did
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: the toasts getting us ready. It was funny because it
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: was like we didn't have bridesmaids or grooms men. They
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: just were like everybody was a participant. Everybody participated, Like
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: someone did the blessing, someone did the reading of like
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: my brother married us, things like that, Like everybody's hand
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: is in that. My nieces and nephews were like all
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: the like flower girls. Actually one of my nieces was
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: the bridemaid. Everybody played. Every single one of our parents
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: and siblings played a role in the day and that
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: was awesome. And how many brothers and sisters do you have?
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I have? I'm one of five? Oh yeah, okay, so
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: me too, yeah, one of five? And what number are you? Um?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Three medal. I'm the youngest where I belong. That is
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: the only position for me. We'll be right back. So
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: you must wear two hats in your family, right, because
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: you're an older sister to so many younger sister to others. Totally,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: and like there's an age gap between my older brother
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: and older sister and I so like my older sister
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: and I who are She's two and I'm three. There's
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: six years between us, so like I'm super younger sibling
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: for them, you know when I came out and then
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: like then they went to college and left the house,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: and then I was super older sibling over here, even
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: though they didn't want me to be, like they like
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: kept trying to steal me of my title of like
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: older siblings, but like my younger siblings, but still supermassi
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: and like we make them so like I definitely like
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: balanced that. But then like my younger sister, Cheech and
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: I were really close for a year and a half apart,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: and we're the only ones who are so a year
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: and a half a part both girls and sharing a
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: room together or a lot, and even were roommates up
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: until like ten years ago, so like we had like
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: an almost sister. Yeah right, Yeah, I shared a room
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: with my sister who actually was six years older than me,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: and we did not act like twins. She was a
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: pain in my ass from the very beginning. And we
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: we had tape. We would line our room because we
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: shared a room. Quick tape. Yeah, we put tape down
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: and she taped her side to the side where the
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: door was, so she thought that I was going to
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: have to ask her when I wanted to leave the room.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I was like, no, bitch, I don't care how much
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: older you are than me, Like that is don't get
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: it twisted. I'm still in charge here. Let me tell
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: you my sister. So me and my sister we shared
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: a room when my older sister moved out when she
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: went to college. I moved into her room, being like
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: I want my own room. But it was downstairs and
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: it was by myself, like nobody else was down there.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Hated it. I don't think I even made it, like
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: six months by myself down there. Tried to come back
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: into the room, which is ours because she does not
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: own this house, and she tried to tell me it
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: was not my room anymore. Like she tried to be like,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: you can't sleep, and I was like, I can definitely
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: sleep in here. And then I remember she was like,
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: well you can only have this, and I was like
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: the thing, like I was like, I cannot be by
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: as much space that I want in this room. Move over,
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: get on the way. Do you feel like a lot
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: of the stuff that you learned within your family comes
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: into play when you're on sets and kind of like
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: organizing people, like I know where Orange is the New Black,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: You guys had this massive cast of people, so like
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: there are a lot of hats and a lot of
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: you wore. But how do you feel like that has
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: found its way into your work? Like your family dynamic,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I'll say a. I think cooperation whether you want to
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: or not, depending on the placement of the child to
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: be there. I can't speak for lastborns because my last
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: born is like super He's actually very good, but like
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: was definitely the most spoiled, So I can only speak
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: for a like people who have in the middle, like
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: coming all but in the definite scheme of things, you
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: have to cooperate. I think you just let a few
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: more things roll, probably because it's not that deep or
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: you know, it could go that deep, and it's over
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: the stupidest thing, you know, So like that is something
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: I think I learned. I like to be around a
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: lot of people, like I like having people over, I
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: like having people come and stay and stuff. Probably didn't
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: really phase me that there were For example, of season
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: one of Orange, there weren't enough dressing rooms at the
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: studio for everybody, so like they had I think it
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: was Sesame Street. Sesame Street was in this like shot
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: in the same place wherever their dressing rooms were. When
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: we would shoot, when they weren't cheating or whatever, they
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: had a green room that a bunch of us all
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: stayed in, you know, we would play cards and just
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: like make up games and hang out with a fewers
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: of your time to like get ready to shoot. There
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: was a conference room just off it, and like we'd
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: all go and change in there. And I think, like
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: making things work doesn't really easy, you know what I mean,
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Like you have to just sort of accommodate whatever the
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: situation calls for the accommodating. How do you feel now, Like,
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: obviously your career is going great. You were amazing and
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: in treatment you were amazing playing Shirley Chisholm, And now
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: you went from your big big break Orange this a
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: New Black where you're participating in an ensemble cast and
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: now you're moving on to doing stuff on your own.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Like how does that feel to you as an artist?
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Are you feeling like you're standing in your power? More?
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Like this is exactly what you hoped everything would turn into.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: From Oranges, the new black, yes, but I think you
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: said it right. It's like more the operative is like
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm standing into my power more. I
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: think in the beginning I was I don't know, like
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: wobbly legged feeling, you know, just I don't know if
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: anybody else has ever felt this, but like feelings of worth,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: feelings of value, like should should I be occupying this
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: much space or not? You know, all of these questions
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: do I belong here? Even right? Yes, imposter syndrome, you know,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: all of these things are like super real. And then
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know there was coming to an arrival point
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: of like I might not know whether I do or not,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: but I'm gonna stand here a little bit more sturdily,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Absolutely? Yeah. I wish people
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: could see you right now too, because you're like feeling
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: these words with your whole body. I've talked with my
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: hands like so much and like i'll breathe, I'll be like,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: you know, it's like not and they're like, yeah, I
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: totally know, and I'm like, you know, I don't know
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: how that plays for podcasts, sorry America, but that's like
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: why thing, But yeah, it's that feeling like I feel
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: like I'm coming into myself. I also think that's like
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: maturity that plays into that. I don't know how you
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: ladies feel like just growing up generally and realizing like
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: how like you've lived and how whatever sort of like
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: conditions or restrictions have been placed on yourself, how has
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: that served me or not? And whether I want to
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: continue forward for the rest of the chat. First to
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: come with that, Yeah, are you? Are you spiritual? Yes?
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: I could use the language of Christian and those stories
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: because I'm familiar with them. But I'm not religious. I
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: believe in a God how we call it, how we
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: name it. I'm less invested in I'm more invested in
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: the knowing that there is something else above me. Yeah.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: I was talking to my friend and she goes, what
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: do you believe in? And I said, well, I just
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: I believe. I don't believe in God per se. But
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: she goes, oh, please, everyone says they believe in something
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: other than God, that there's something else out there. She's like,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: that's God. I'm like, oh, I'm like, I don't believe
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: in God, but yeah, that's the name we have for it.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: It's the only name or universe, you know what I mean?
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: They both they're both not cutting the mustard for me,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: So it's somewhere between God and the universe, even though
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: I I also believe something else is at play that
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: we're not able to ever recognize or see. On the
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: oft times that we do feel it, where we feel
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: like we've been touched by something bigger than ourselves, or
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: something's moved in a certain direction. For the circumstances to
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: turn out the way they do. It is a humbling
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: experience to be like, oh, wow, this isn't just about
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: me and my decision making. Do you recognize it in
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: the moment or do you all feel it later, like
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: when you're reflecting. I mean, the more I meditate, the
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: more I do like you know, mindfulness and practice that,
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: the more I'm open to it being a part of
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: my day every day. I definitely in the past when
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: there has been big moments or shifts, or I've you know,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: skirted out of a disaster that I was sailing towards,
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: you know, like things like that, when there's all of
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: a sudden everything works to make that impossible bigger moments previously.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: But now that I'm a hip to it, I'm like,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: oh okay, yeah, all of these things that are in
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: motion are really have so little to do with you
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: in the end. You know, everything has to come together
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: from so many different directions for something to work out,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: right that I just assume it's kind of part of
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: every thing. Now, got you do you like now with
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: this business like you and this mathive career that you
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: have have and have had over now decades successfully like
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: which is it's a consistency of your excellence, you know,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: like the points right that it's not a fluke there
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: is there? Yeah, right, right right? Well, no, I mean
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I think all of us in any career, I mean,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: if you're in this business, you do go through periods
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: of self consciousness where you're like, wait, you can still
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: feel like an impostor you can still feel like, oh god,
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: is it old, is it too much? Is it the
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: same as it? Blah blah blah. But yeah, I leaned.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: I air more on the side of like, you know,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I'm at an age now where I know that I'm
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: not an accident. I don't feel like I have imposter syndrome.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: When I go somewhere, I feel like I belong and
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: I feel like people are pretty lucky to hang out
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: with me. When they get the opportunity. Like I feel
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: that way about myself, you know, like I don't spread
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: myself too thin anymore because I care too much about
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: myself and my well being and I just want to
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: be happy more than anything. Like, I think it takes
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: a lot of self assurance to just be able to
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: say I don't want to work for this period of time.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: You know, I don't want to do this. I don't
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: have to do this. There's not a desperation, you know
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: that you have when you're in your twenties trying to
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: get people to understand that you have something to offer.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: So if you lay the foundation and the groundwork over
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: a period of time, then we get to step back
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: and go, Okay, I've laid the groundwork for this career.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Now I can have a little bit more fun with it.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Now it's not all my my whole drive or my
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: whole life. But yeah, I mean, you know, like being
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: in a relationship that's new for me and I'm fucking
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: loving it. I fucking love it, And I was not
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: interested in that or looking for that in any major way.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: So changed then. Well, I think with my therapy and
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: everything I did, I just started to look at the
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: world in a much different way. So the person that
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I've been friends with for fifteen years, I saw him
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: in a different light. You know, I didn't ever look
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: at him like that before because I was very close
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: is minded about who I was going to date. And
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: a guy could wear a pinky ring and I would,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: you know, so am my vagina shut that night? Like
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: anything could turn me off, Like it could be the
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: simplest little thing. If there's a flip flop, you know,
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: too close to my eyeline, I'm like, you know, like
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: there are so many small I once went on a
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: date with a guy who were an air May's belt
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: and I fucking lost it. As soon as he got
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: up to go to the bathroom. I got up and
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: left without saying goodbye. I saw it. I was like, oh,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: And then he was wearing a cologne. I was like, no,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: that's a deal breaker. I'm not doing that. So after therapy,
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: I was much I looked at the values rather than
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: material things, like I'm like, wait, somebody represents this person
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: is fun and funny and I adore him. And then
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I was able to like become attracted to him through
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: a different kind of Yeah, I would say different lens
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: is how I always say it. I guess that's an
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: apt description. Anyway, enough about me, so okay, so today,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: this is what we do on this podcast. We have
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: callers and listeners who call in and write in for advice,
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: and then we give it to them straight. Yes, you
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: up for that task, girl, Okay, let's do it. Catherine
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: is going to read us in with our first with
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: our first patient. Oh and it was I was a
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: doctor too, from in treatment. So we're all doctors here.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: So actually, you need to go get community college degree
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: at the very least. You know what I actually did.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: I attended three colleges and one of them was a
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: community college, and it was like they were some of
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: the best classes I had ever taken. That's great. I
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: went to community college for a semester right after high school.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I tried to just throw my parents abone and said,
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I'll do this for like a semester and then we'll
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: all see what a mistake it is. And I went
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: to the County College of Morrison, New Jersey, which I
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: braded two people, was one of the top ten community
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: colleges in the country, and I studied Russian history for
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: a month, and then I was like, I gotta get
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: the funk out. Yeah, oh yeah. I was into stars
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: and oligarch and oligarchs and all that ship. Anyway, I
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: went for a semester and then I was like, this
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: is I gotta get the funk out of New Jersey,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Like this is bringing me down. And then I went
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: to l A and I that was the end of
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: community college for me. Well, we'll take a quick ad
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: break and then we'll be back with some questions. Excellent,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: and we're back. And that's how we do it, and
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: that's how we roll here at Dear. So we have
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: some kind of tricky questions for you today. So it
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: was beyond high alert. I'm ready, I'm ready. Our first
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: question comes from K Dear Chelsea. I was in an
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: awful marriage that was ending, and in a vulnerable state.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: I made the awful mistake of giving in to an affair.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: My marriage ended and my ex never knew of the affair. However,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: the man I had the affair with remains married with
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: children and his wife doesn't know. I'm currently in recovery
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: and grapple with the idea of making amends. I've always
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: thought telling her would do more harm than good, and
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: to make matters more complicated. I was also friends with her.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: Her husband and mine were coworkers. I was ready to
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: let it go and keep the secret. However, after a
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: year of no contact, her husband has tried to get
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: in touch and back to his dirty ways, trying to
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: start things up again. Gross. Do I carry this or
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: do I tell her? Okay? M M, whoa m M,
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: it's the coming back. Initially, when I was hearing the story,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: I was just like, leave it alone. Do you not
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: address just step out that he's coming back. I would
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: be like, don't call me again, and if you do that,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell your life. I think you give
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: him the opportunity to like course cracked essentially, and then
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: if he doesn't, then like straighten him up. It sucks
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: that they have kids such that that happened. It happens,
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: but it also kind of sounds like in that letter
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: and like she's do you want to go back into it?
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Are you looking for? I think she is not wanting
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: to get back into it. She's mended her ways and
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: feels bad about it. It seems to me that she's
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: not interested. My question would be like, if she says
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: no to him, is he just going to go find
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: somebody else. Well, yeah, it sounds like he's already and
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I'm unhappy. Yeah, I mean that's not her problem. Like
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: what he's up to is not your problem, because as
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: long as the relationships over, it's not your problem. But
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: if you said you were friends with his ex, like
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: how close to friends? I would say, first of all,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: like is that a good friend of yours? Because if
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: it is a good friend of yours, I mean I
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: think every woman owes it to other women to be
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: truthful and honest, especially in these kinds of circumstances. If
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: she wasn't a really good friend of yours, you might
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: feel differently. And then it's like you're going and blowing
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: up this family. That it's not really your family to
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: blow it up, and you're not having an active affair
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: with him. So I would say, hey, consider the level
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: of friendship you have with this woman, and like what
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: kind of do you think you owe her? And b yeah,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: do what USO did. If he calls you a gang,
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: go listen, I'm not interested anymore. If you want, you know,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: if you call me a guy, I'm going to contact
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: your wife and that should nip everything in the bug. Anyway,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: I don't know how I feel about going in like
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: blowing up another person's family. That's not that's like a
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: heavy thing to do. And I don't think by the
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: way that they're actuate friends because didn't it say that
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: she was her husband and the wife work together, So
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: it's like it's not like this is like from school,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: like you know what, friends by proxy of the X
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: that it's like mm hmm, leaven alone. Yeah, I mean
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: it's tempting. Yeah, when there are children involved, I just
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: would say leave it alone. Just don't even go down
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: that road. And if you have to get him off
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: your jock, just tell him you know the thing that's
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: going to get him off at your jock, which is
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: that you're gonna tell his wife. That usually works. It
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: seems to work, Yeah, more effective than get lost, I suppose. Yeah,
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: having affairs is you know, it's so upsetting, but it's
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: also so fucking common, Like so many people have extra
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: may at affairs. You're just like, oh god, I wish
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: it weren't so regular. Yeah. Well, and it's like how
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: just fucking get me started? Do you mean you mean
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: the time commitment? Like how people can even have the
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: time to balance. How are you even doing it? Is
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: the magic that I'm fascinated by. Yeah, exactly, like one
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: relationship is enough for us. Yes, aren't you scared anyway? Yeah?
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Or too busy? Well? Our next question, and this is
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: a caller, Dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty six year old
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: single woman from Chicago. I come from a large family
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: and have five siblings. I recently found out my mom
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: has not paid the property taxes on my childhood home
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: in five years, and the property is about to be seized.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I am, however, in the financial position to get a
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: mortgage on the house, pay the taxes, and make necessary
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: house repairs. The issue is I can't afford both the
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: mortgage and my rent. I don't trust my mom to
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: pay the mortgage since she hasn't paid the proper taxes
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: in five years, and it's generally bad with money, and
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: as the only financially stable person in the family, I
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: can't have my credit tanked with missing payments. So my
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: two choices are one, give up my cute bachelorette pad
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: and get a mortgage, pay the taxes and make repairs,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: and move back home with my family, or to keep
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: my dating and social life intact say it's not my
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: problem and watch my family fall into homelessness. Any advice, thanks, Jennifer. Fuck.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: I know it's a tricky one, big decisions. Jennifer is here.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Oh thank god? Okay, good Hi. Hi, Hi Jennifer. We
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: have Uzo on today too as our guest. Hi. Nice
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: to meet. Yes, Hi Jennifer. Hi. I'm sorry you're dealing
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: with that happened. It's life. Yeah, I know, we have
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: so much baggage from our family. It is like, oh,
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: look at that cute little what was that a cat?
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: It's already gone. It's a cat. Tell him, I saved
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: me out. What So what's this? Who's who lives with
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: your mom in the house now? So currently it's my
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: two brothers who are in college, and then my older
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: sister who was disabled. And did you have a conversation
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: with your mom about these payments not being Yeah, I
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: mean I talked to her about it, and she it
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: is what it is. I mean, she's a teacher and
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: the single mom, so she just she just couldn't pay them,
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: and she freaking out that the house it might be seized. Yeah, definitely, definitely. Yeah.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: And how would you feel if you didn't step in
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: and save the day. Yeah, it's tough because it's like
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: part of me wants to like put on my cape,
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: you know, and come save the day. But another part
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: is like maybe I just kind of have a big
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: sister syndrome, and I just feel like I need to
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: swoop in and save my siblings because just kind of
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: what big sisters do, you know. So it's kind of hard.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: I'm kind of about uh, my dating prime, just her
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: living it up in the city, got a cute apartment,
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: and you know, I don't really want to give that up.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: But it's like I am empathizing with my brothers and
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: I couldn't imagine if I were in college and my
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: life got turned upside down, I didn't have stability, I
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: probably wouldn't have turned out as good as I did.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be in the position to do what I'm doing.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: And it's like I want to give my brothers a
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: chance to start up their life on the right foot.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: But it's like, wow, at the expense of my own life,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: you know. So it's kind of tough. It's kind of tough.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: M Yeah, that's a big responsibility. So what are your thoughts, Well,
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: that's totally a lot, and you know, just sort of
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: echoing with Chelsea said, I'm sorry that you're going to that.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Can we imagine day to day what you're thinking about?
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: My question would be you could jump in and save
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: the day today, Yeah, and what happens after today? What
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: happens tomorrow? Yeah. The way I kind of looked at
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: it is like, this wouldn't be a permit solution. I mean,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: I essentially am thinking, like, if I do this, it's
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: gonna be a three year plan and just kind of
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: read valuate how everything is going, because my biggest thing
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: is just making sure my brothers are settled and they
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: graduate college and they get settled in their careers and
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: things like that. So it's like they're still kind of
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: kids because they're teenagers. This wouldn't be a long term thing.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: Like after three years, I would kind of reassess the situation.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like, and three years,
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be in my thirties. I'm like sacrificing
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: the end of my twenties to do the family thing,
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: you know, which is a hundred in twenties years. By
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: the way, exactly exactly. I don't know your family, I
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: understand and that's totally empathized and sympathize with the desire
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: to swoop in and jump in. Um. I wonder if
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: there's a middle that can be found, if perhaps there's
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: a world where you could stay in your great apartment
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: that you have worked for and been excited about and
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: aspiring towards over the years, And if there is a
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: way of helping your mom and your siblings into another
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: housing situation that maybe isn't this. That's that's sounding like
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: it might be a little bit difficult for them to
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: manage month to month. Yeah, that's another thing I was
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: thinking about. So another option is we sell the house.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: We try to find another living situation. But it's like
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: my grandparents bought this house, and like the eighties, I'm
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: not going to find anything cheaper to house my family in.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: So it's like moving to a different housing situation, which
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: is kind of add to the financial strain because this
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: is essentially the cheapest option. I could help my mom.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: She could save some money and get on her feet.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'd also be saving money, but I mean
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: I'm already on my feet, so that's not really an issue.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: So it's like moving. I feel like moving into a
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: different house, just kind of push this issue down the
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: road a little bit, like, if we can't afford this
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: living situation, they're not really going to be able to
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: afford any under living situation. Honestly, I think you're just
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: gonna have to. I would go at home and move
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: in and just make sure that my brothers and sisters
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: are looked after and until they're on their feet. You know,
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: you have another sister you said, you mentioned I think
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: it's a three year if you have it in your head.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: You sound like you have You're a planner and you're
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: looking at the long game instead of the short game,
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: which is a huge advantage. You know, you can look
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: at it like three years. It's not like you can't
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: date while you're living at your mom's house. I mean,
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: anyone who hears this story is going to be like,
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: oh my god, you're a fucking badass. You know, you
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: went in to save the day, like, you know, share
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: a princess of power going in and helping your family. Like,
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: first of all, that's very attractive, and you know, it's
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: a perfect example for you to go check out guy's
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: houses so that you can go listen, we can't go
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: back to my fucking mother's house. So I need to
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: go see where you live and what's going on with
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: your situation. And I think you're gonna have a lot
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: of self worth for doing that for your family. You're
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: not gonna let your mom get kicked out of her house,
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: not if you can do something about it. It's just
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: not even probably in your DNA to do that. Yeah,
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, if it comes down
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: to it, like them having somewhere to go and not
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: having somewhere to go, you're going to make sure that
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: your parents and your family's exactly I don't want to
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: do nothing, and then I'm in my one bedroom apartment anything.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: I don't want to tell you what to do. But
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: at the same time, it's like this is your family,
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: and it's like, yes, dating is cool, but like no
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: one can ever replace those people. Period. Yeah, I'm gonna
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: come and go really quickly. You'll be in your thirty
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: five years. Yeah, that's when the party really gets started anyway, anyway, Jennifer,
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: is that thirty that's when the party officially starts. Right now,
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: you're just you're just pregaming. This is all just like
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: tail dating question for you. Jennifer is your mom in
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: financial duress, like right now or straying financially because of
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: the pandemic? I think I mean partially the pandemic. Yeah,
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: partially just because she's a teacher. Well, another avenue for
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: you to explore. I don't know if you've listened to
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: us on this podcast when we talk about Pandemuch of Love,
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: but my friend Shelley to Gilski runs Pandemic of Love
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: and they can figure out financial aid mutual. They do
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: mutual financial aid for people. So if you go d
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: m her on Instagram, it's at Mindful skate Girl. Is
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: her handle Mindful Skater Girl, Mindful Skater Girl, say your
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: friend of mine and just enquire about mutual aid because
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: she is. She runs this foundation and they've exchanged sixty
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: million dollars over the last couple of years with people
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: who need help because of the pandemic. So try that
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: too and see if anything can happen there, because a
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: lot of our callers have used that resource and it's
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: been really helpful for so many people. Oh nice, thank you. Yeah. Yeah,
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: So go d m her and keep us posted what
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: you decide to do. Please. Yeah, you're not gonna go wrong.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: Sticking with your family and coming in and saving the day.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: You're never gonna go wrong being Florence Nightingale. That's good
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: as long as it's for the right people, you know,
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: your relatives. Yeah, yeah, I agree. I've spent many hours
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: talking to my therapist about it. So just come down
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: to making a decision. Good good for you. The way
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: you're making the decision is good, good for you, strong minded. Well,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: thank you so much, Jennifer, and we wish you best
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: of luck. Thank you, bye, take care. Wow. Hopefully Shelly
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: can just help them and then that will be the
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: end of that conversation. My friend Shelley runs this organization USO.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: It's incredible. They just give money a way to people.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: I think it's more than that. It's it's a lot
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: because it's been going on since the beginning of the pandemic.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: But she just finds people to match with other people.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: So whoever's like going through a hard time can find
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: a donor in San Francisco, or you know, some guy
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: who has money that want he wants to help out with,
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: and then you can kind of cultivate a relationship with
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: these people, your donor, and then you know when you
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: fall on hard times. If the donors ever fall on
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: hard times, they go right back to the source of
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: where they were giving money from. So it's a great,
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: nice circular system. Yeah. I mean, for anybody who's doing
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: something like that, I would just say, if she does
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: need to move back in with her family, like set
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: really clear expectations, whether or not you see an attorney,
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: like do that in writing so everybody knows, like, here's
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: how much mom is going to pay in rent, even
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: though she's taking care of the taxes. Maybe the older
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: brothers have like a part time job and they can contribute,
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: you know, a small amount, but meaningfully toward toward rent,
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: toward the living situation, so that she can get back
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: to the city and do fun stuff. Again. It reminds
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: me of like when I told my brothers and sisters.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I've had it, Like I want
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: dad to move to my house in l A. I'm
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: gonna get twenty four hour care. He's going to be
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: at my house. He's in he was in a wheel
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: chair at this point, and my brothers and sisters were like,
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: that's a terrible idea. We're not allowing you to do that.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, why I could afford twenty four hour care.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: I can do all this to Like Cheslsea, you emotionally
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: cannot handle dad in your house. It doesn't matter what
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: part of the house do you think you're in. As
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: your brothers and sisters, we are video wing this side
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: of and I was like, oh, thank god I didn't
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: go through with that. But I'm a different personality. You know,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: I don't have little brothers, because if I had anyone
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: little to look after, I would just do whatever and
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I needed to do obviously said it right with older
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: sisters in their own it's hard. I was hearing her,
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I totally hear you, and it's
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: tough because you're just like wanting to sail at the
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: same time, it's your family, and I honestly like I
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: can see both side. Like, whatever choice somebody like Jennifer
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: were to make, you still would have to show up
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: for your family in some capacity. You know, even if
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: you decided to stay where you are, you're gonna have
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: to step in at something. Yeah, family are hard, very
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: much so well. Our next question comes from Francisco. He says,
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, my mom passed right after the pandemic started.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: My husband and I live in San Diego and my
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: family is still in Arizona. I'm a kidney transplant recipient,
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: so my husband and I were in a strict quarantine
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: while she was dying. We were able to see her,
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: of course, using masks. My family respect did and understood
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: the precautions we were taking, but weren't taking this seriously
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: and no one was wearing masks. I narrowly missed her
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: passing since we were driving to the hospital when she died,
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: and I was devastated. We siblings all agreed that we
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: would cremate her and then wait until the pandemic head
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: quote passed, then do a memorial and spread her ashes
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: at her mom's grave. We waited almost a year, and
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: my siblings decided to go through with the service spreading
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: her ashes. I told them I couldn't go. It was
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: during a huge spike and COVID cases. I begged them
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: to please wait until I was vaccinated. At this time,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: they had just started giving out vaccines to frontline workers
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: and then immunocompromised would be next. They said no. I
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: asked them to please just save me a small amount
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: of ashes. Again, they said no, because the Catholic Church
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: doesn't condone splitting the ashes. Growing up, we always made
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: decisions by majority vote. I asked for a vote and
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: everyone voted no, even the sister I was closest with.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: I was so heartbroken they laid her to rest without me.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: I feel like I was not allowed to have closure.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: I feel they cheated me out of saying goodbye. And
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: I haven't spoken to any of them since. I'm angry
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: and I can't let this go. I've visited my mom
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: several times since I've laid on the grass and just
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: talked to her. I miss my family, but I can't
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: seem to get over this. I'd appreciate any advice. Francisco,
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: that's heartbreaking. It sounds like a bunch of people that
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: didn't take COVID seriously and then can't believe that somebody
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: is being cautious, you know, like, oh, come on, you're
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: not gonna get it. I hate that attitude. It's like
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: you're it's not up to you whether someone else gets COVID. Yeah,
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: I understand you being mad at your family. You have
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: every right to be upset with your family, So give
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: that as much time as you need. And I think
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: in the meantime, A great idea for you. I I'm
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: glad you're able to visit your mom at the memorium
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: where that she the ashes are I guess is where
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: she's visiting at her mother's grave, So it goes to
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: the grave side. Yeah, but there are ashes, not a grave, correct, Okay, correct?
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: So you should really plan something for yourself, like for
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: you to give your mother the goodbye at you is
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: going to give you the closure, whether it's a small
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: ceremony with you and your husband, or you and your
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: plan something. Make it an event for you to say
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: goodbye to your mother. Write something down that you want
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: to read to her, you know, bring the flowers, bring
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: your friends, if you want to do it with your
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: a whole group of your people, then do that. But
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: you have every right to celebrate your mother's passing. And
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: I say celebrate because you want to celebrate her life, right.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: You want to pay respect to the fact of how
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: long she was here and all the beautiful memories you have,
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: and the fact that she's not ever going to leave
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: her child's side, so she's always going to be here
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: in some capacity. You just don't get to see her anymore.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: And I firmly believe in that, but you need to
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: just have your day and have your funeral independent of
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: your brothers and sisters. And when you are at a
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: place that you're able to forgive them, then you can
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: revisit that. But there's no rush to forgive them because
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: they robbed you of saying goodbye to your mother, and
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: I don't want you to sit in that for too
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: long because then they've controlled your experience and now you
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: need to take control back of your experience. What do
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: you think that is like? Super heartbreaking? It's sad because
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: I feel like COVID has done so much to divide
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: so many people, and that your siblings that sound like
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: are like not believers in It is sad, you know,
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: and didn't have the compassion to understand your medical state,
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: you know, and and you know compromise state to wait
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: is unfortunate. But I would say, yes, you should have
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: maybe a celebration of life, you know, along her, like
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: one year maybe or something like that could be really nice.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: I do think it's important, especially when parents go, you know,
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: I know what that feels like. It's important for like
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: siblings to find their way back to like whoever whatever
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: they were before like their parents left, because it's really
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: easy when parents aren't there, sort of like sewing in
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: the middle between each of you and helping to keep
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: the peace over there, like silly or big fights that
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: you have for those things to go on for like
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: much longer than maybe those parents would allow. You give
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: yourself the space because you are entitled to it to
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: like feel what you're feeling. But if these are siblings
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: who we were close to and like you had relationship
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: with previous to your mother leaving, it may be worth
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: finding a time when you are calm and you can
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: say what you feel without concerned of how it's responded to,
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: Like sit your siblings down and really tell them how
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: you're feelings, because it sounds like that that is what
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: it is at the end of the day, like not
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: just the robbery of not being able to participate in
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: your mom but like you hurt my feelings, and that's
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: sometimes like the baseline thing I think most people can't
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: ignore when you say that, like my feelings, you know,
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: forget about like how they were like they were hurt
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: that they hopefully will able to hear that and like
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: a conversation can start and how do we work to
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: feel that would for both of us, because I imagine
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: they maybe had her feelings for me what they perceived
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: as your absence. But how do we come back to,
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: you know, just really sort of like opening ourselves up
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: to a vulnerable place of saying like, my feelings are
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: hurt and and why, and maybe that will gave some
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: of those in roads. Because if you were family previous
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: to your mom, I would imagine your mom would want
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: you to come back to your family again, for sure.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: That's that's what it makes me think of two, is
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: like your mom would want you to at some point
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: forgive and get to a place where you can have
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: a relationship. Maybe it's with all your siblings, maybe it's
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: just with the sister that you were super close with,
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: but yeah, I think it was a right starting from
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: a place of vulnerability when you are ready for that
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: and just coming to them with that. Yeah, I mean
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: I feel that way about my mom when she died
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: told me like, you better keep this family together. She
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: said that when she was dying on her deathbed, like
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: I'm counting on you. You need to do care of
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: this one, and you need to take care of your brother.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: She said that to me and I took it like
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: that is. Everything I do is without intention because of
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: my you know, she never asked me for a single thing.
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: And like I think any mother's wishes for her family
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: to be together once she's gone, my mom may she
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: restly just left us a year and change ago. Before leaving,
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: was like this. You people to always called this you
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: people like you, people you know who must stay together,
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: you know. And I remember right after her interment, my
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: siblings and I weren't hug and saying that, you know,
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: and just really the biggest way we could honor our
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: parents would be too still love and be in each
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: other's lives. The shame would be like if we let
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: that collapse, all of that work that had been done,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: particularly by this one here, if that fell, if it
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: was only she was the foundation. You know what I'm saying,
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: There's no way, there's no way. I love so much
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: of what I do, I love my friends, I love
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: everything else in my life. There's nothing that matches will
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: ever match my family. And even though I'm building my
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: own family now, like that core family, it's just not
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: where I'm tent. There's nothing. Was your mom able to
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: see you get married us? Oh? She did. Isn't it
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: crazy life events. We've talked about this before. Somebody leaves
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: your life and then this, I know, you've been together
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: with your partner for a long time, but the wedding,
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: you know, comes, the times go together, like somebody leaves
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: and then there's a baby born, or there's a wedding,
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: or there's a marriage. It's just the way things work
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: like that. As certain people exit out of our lives,
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: other big events enter. And I've always been fascinated by that.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: You know, after my mom died, so many major things
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: happened to me. I fell in love for the first time.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: I was starting my TV show, one of my first
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: TV shows, and it was just like I was like, God,
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: this is such an interesting dichotomy, Like I'm experiencing such loss,
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: but I have so many distractions and so many things
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: where my life was just beginning a thousand percent. Like
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: you know, right after my mom passed away, my sister
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: Chea che she just was pregnant. She just had her
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: baby a couple of months ago, delivered just short of
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: a year after my mother passed away, and like what
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: a miracle, you know, like we say, like when she
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: when she said she was pregnant. It's like, oh my gosh,
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: after the rain always comes the sun. That's what I
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: kept hearing, you know what I mean, and like thinking,
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: and it's like, yes, absolutely, and look at this beautiful
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: baby girl now in our lives, starting out in a
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: new marriage. I'll also say this, I make this joke
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: like with my siblings. I don't know if like when
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: you first get to Heaven you get like a fresh
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: batch of miracles or what the jury Also, you get
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: like scooted into the front of the line from like
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: the older angels, you know what it means, like rain,
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: a lot of like stuff out there. And I was like,
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: you guys, gonna get your wishes in line in order,
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: and you know what I mean, to start asking for
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: what you want. Because she's like up there, like I
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: don't know how long this last, right, I don't know
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: how long I've got this ferry dusk for. So get
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: your ship together. Yeah, totally fine without miracles left and right.
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: Like so that makes me feel good when I think
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: about it. Well, our last question today comes from Cheyenne.
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: She's also on the phone. Cheyenne says, Dear Chelsea, I'm
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: a twenty five year old from Minnesota. When I was
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: about two years old, my uncle Brian went missing. He
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: disappeared after going on a trip to Vegas. My dad's
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: side of the family does not talk about their feelings
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: or any family history. I've always been fascinated and concerned
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: by my family's lack of interest in finding out what
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: happened to my uncle. So in college, I started digging
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: for more information, and as I found out more details,
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: parts of my family, mostly my grandparents, got very upset
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: by this. My grandma even stopped talking to my dad
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: for a while specifically because of this. How do I
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: balance my interest and concern for finding out more about
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: my uncle's whereabouts without making more issues with that side
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: of the family. Thanks Cheyenne. Hi, Cheyenne, Hi, Hi, this
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: is Uzo. Hi. It's nice to meet you. Hi, Cheyenne.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: So you started looking at you your uncle's murder or disappearance, right,
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: You don't know that he was murdered. Yeah, we really
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: have no idea what happened to him. Basically, all we
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: know is he went to Vegas and they found his
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: car in California, and there has been nothing since then,
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: and there hasn't been any police reports made on it.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: So there's been a lot of frustration with me with
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: my family just because I'm like, well, why aren't you
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: doing anything? And yeah, that's kind of where I'm at.
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: It sounds like the perfect opportunity for you to start
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: a podcast and track and track your uncle down. Yeah,
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: that's not a lot of people have told me so.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, you have every right to pursue this and
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: find out all of the stuff that you want to
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: find out. Just obviously your family is not interested in
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: hearing it, so it's not necessary for you to share
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: all of your findings with them, is it. Yeah? I
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: don't think so. In they like for me, I'm so
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: open to doing this and figuring out all I can
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: figure out, because even though I was very young when
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: he disappeared, I care about it a lot for whatever reason.
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: But I just get worried about my dad and my
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: grandma's relationship because since I started looking into it, she's
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: gotten weird about it, and I don't know why that is,
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: and it makes me suspicious. But I don't want to
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: think that way. But the thing that holds me back
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: from digging into it is ruining their relationship. I'm seeing
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: Chelsea in the if you are going to pursue it.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: You don't have to tell anybody in your family. You
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: don't have to bring them into it. If it's your
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: personal pursuit, it's your personal pursuit. They have their reasons,
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: you know. I don't know what a mother's reason would
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: be for not wanting to know what happened to her son,
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: or a brother's reason would be for that. But they
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: have their reasons, and I would guess that you have
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: to respect their reasons. Whatever the reason is. Is it
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: your grandmother finding it? Like? Can your dad just not
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: talk to your grandmother about it? Or could you have
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: to stop talking to your dad about it? No, my dad,
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: he's pretty open to talking about it. I honestly don't
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: really talk to my grandma much to begin with. So
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: the last time I brought it up, I told my
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: dad what I had found out and stuff, and it
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: was things that he didn't know, like what what did
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: you find out? It's kind of something I probably shouldn't
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: get into. I don't know. I I don't really know
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: like the details of it, so I don't want to
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: say anything or come to any conclusions before I know
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: that the actual details of it. But I had told
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: him that information, and she confronted my grandma about that information,
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: and she got upset and stopped talking to him for
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: a little while. And so it's like having that he's
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: kind of the middleman in the situation, and I'm like, oh,
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: I don't want your relationship with her to get roomed
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: because of me. I think when you have a notion
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: or an instinct that's strong, a like your curiosity in this,
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: you should just follow that. Like when you're interested in
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: something and you have a passion for it, there's no question.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: Then who gives a funk with your grandmother thinks you
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: don't even care? Really, so just don't loop her in,
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: and you know you don't even need you know, loop
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: your dad. And when you find something concrete, if you
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: find something concrete, but um, yeah, I pursue it, you know,
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: you who knows what you're going to find out? Yeah,
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: I'm not okay, thank you. It's it's kind of one
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: of those things I know the answer to the question.
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: I just need someone to tell me to go do it. Yeah.
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: And Crime Junkie just in an episode about a missing
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: person and they were working with someone who has sort
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: of been looking for her missing mother and they did
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: a whole episode on it asked for leads from their
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: huge number of followers, So that might be an avenue
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: as well, like going to somebody who already has a
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: following and saying, hey, here's the information I do have,
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: can you help me dig into this? Yeah, but yeah,
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: it's your right. He's you know, he's related to you
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: as well, even if you didn't know him because you
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: were too you know, you're allowed to have that curiosity
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: and thinking how nice he'd feel if he knew that
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: his little niece he was two years old when he died,
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: it is still you know, thinking about him all the time,
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: like he deserves to be found. Yeah, yeah, no, definitely,
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: And I'll totally look into reaching out to other resources
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: and that kind of thing too. Yeah. Absolutely, And I
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: would also say potentially try doing a twenty three in me.
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: There are some resources that you can look at for
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: submitting your d n A if you do something like
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: that to database says that are specifically for missing persons,
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: And I believe it's called the d n A Dough Project,
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: So take a look at that. You can submit your
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: DNA there and that way, if he is a dough
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: somewhere and he was found, but no one knows where
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: he came from because he was in a different state
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: and all these different things. They can help identify him
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: with that. Okay, yeah, I'll definitely look into that. I
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: feel like we're hosting a crime podcast right now. Wow,
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: look at all the resources. Catherine always coming in hot
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: with some good stuff. I love murder podcasts. I'm a
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: dickheard murder, you know? So all right, Well, good luck,
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: let us know if anything transpires, if you find anything out. Okay, yeah, yeah,
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: thank you so much. Just great talking to you guys.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: You too. This was what penalope panoply. I was gonna say,
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: a penalope, what a panoply of callers and questions today?
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: Little murder. Well, I guess I should stop saying he's murder.
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: They don't know that we're locked up. Oh yeah, yeah
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: that's a good one. Mom knows, but the rest of
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Uh huh yeah, exactly like
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: what mother wouldn't be interested in finding out about that,
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: what happened to her child? So there you go. Yeah,
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: witness protection. It could go a lot of ways. Right, Well,
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: we'll take a quick ad break and then we'll be
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: back with Uzo and Chelsea and we're back. Yeah. Well,
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: did you have any advice that you wanted to ask
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: for from Chelsea? Yes? Is it just one question? I
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: can ask whatever you want girl. Okay, okay, talking about
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: marriage right when it comes to Spotify, So we both
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: had our individual was follow me here expressing like it's
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: so small, but you both have your individual Spotify accounts?
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: Do we cancel one and now start a whole? I
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: don't know what you guys about, like how many likes
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: or playlists you have going? I have a lot. Do
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: we cancel one account and then start all over or
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: just keep the two accounts going. I feel like you
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: should keep the two accounts going because that's a long
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: history of both of you, right, and you can start
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: one together, but don't erase the other two. Mmmm well
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: there's a word. Yeah right, this is a real question.
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: Waffling with this for a while. I also like this
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: Spotify iTunes. All of this can all fall under the
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: umbrella of like iTunes, like movie accounts to like you know,
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: all of this is lives in the same house. Yeah, well,
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: throw me a couple of playlists. If you've got some extras,
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: I could always use a new playlist on Spotify, So
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: what don't you text me that so I can download it?
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: Because I am terrible at making Spotify playlists, and so
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: anytime anybody has a good one, am I please? Yeah?
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: Be good show like I love anything, So yeah, send
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: him my way an array of yes. Okay, that is
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: a real question that I've been like hammering back and
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: forth about. I had to tell you it was Oh,
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: I wish we got more questions like that, Like it's
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: a real one though, right, don't you do? You see
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, We'll pay for the exact same thing.
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like, I don't know realistically,
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: if I had the energy to like text and send
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: myself every single playlist, you don't, I'm gonna answer for you.
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: You don't, I don't, And I'm also not sure once
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: I've text and sent it to myself, once I deactivate
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: the account, if I can retrieve it. So then what
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: we're really talking about is screenshotting every account and then
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: physically going back. Do you know what I mean? Because
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: I can send it to myself when it works, but
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: then once I deactivate an account, as the playlist still exist. No, yeah,
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: I think you need to hold onto your playlist, and
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: I think so does he. There's a real question, what
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: else am I thinking about? Oh, okay, do we want
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: a second dog? Yes, I've never had we have one
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: e an air deal Terrier. Then Waye bark is his name?
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: Goes off? And do we want a second dog? And
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: is it hard to manage? To you? I know you
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: love dogs, but yeah, and I've listen, I'm not managing them. Okay,
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: my housekeeper and my dog walker are, so I'll be
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: honest about that. But listen to dogs is always better
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: than one dog. So like, as soon as you get
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: another dog, you're gonna be like, how did we not
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: always have two dogs? It's not more. You don't think
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: it makes your family even like more whole. It's just
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: the best. You know, four is better than three at
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: a house. And so you have babies or whatever you're planning.
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: Just dogs are just winners. It's always a win. I
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: love Fenway so much already, Like, but I was like, never,
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: this is my first dog. I've never had a dog before,
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: so and I love him so much and he's such
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: a good dog. But like, I don't know anything about dogs,
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: you know, except for what I know Fenway, and I'm like,
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know what this means two dogs, And I
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: also don't know because he's five and a half. Doesn't
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: matter if you bring you know what I mean, Like,
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: is he going to be dominant to you know what
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. They usually figure it out, you know what
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, Once they realize they're in the same house together,
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: they set it out and they just kind of like
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: operate together. So it doesn't really matter what age the
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: other dog is. You just kind of like throw him
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: in together and you're like, here's the situation. Everybody level up,
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: and then they do. I do. And I think at
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: five and a half, he's not gonna be like too
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: old and grumpy that he'll be mean about a puppy.
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: He'll be He'll be Okay, it's good. It's actually a
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: great time because it's going to re energize your the
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: dog you have and give him an extra lease on
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: life and not an extra couple of years. Yeah. And
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: also dogs are pack animals, so I feel like as
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: people are going back to work more or traveling more
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: as the pandemic is hopefully waning, they'll have each other
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: to hang out with and have a lot less what
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: do they call it when like separation anxiety? Like if
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: you guys need to travel a lot or you go
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: away for a week or whatever, they'll have each other.
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: Thanks you, Yeah, thanks for bringing some real questions to
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: the tables. Yeah, I love it, loved having you today.
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. This
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: is app have a great day, Thank you too. Bye.
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: Well she was so great. Yeah, she's cool. She's got
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: she's got a very calming voice and talking, you know,
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: it's like very calming. Oh, guys, we have new merch available,
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea merch, so you can get Dear Chelsea t
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: shirts or hats hats. They're really cute though. We picked
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: up cute colors and yeah, and what about the flip flops?
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: No flip flop flip flops? Okay, well that's for the
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: best day. I mean, you know that's off brand, but
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: I thought it would be funny anyway, only to sell
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: female flip flops. Well, and gay men can wear them. Yeah,
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: it's just anyone who gets a pedicure on a regular basis, Yes, exactly.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: But yeah, we have merch. Now, how cute is that?
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: So go to Chelsea handler dot com to buy your merch. Yes, okay,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: we've added some second shows in areas. I'm filming my
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: next stand up special at the Rymann in Nashville, so
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: tickets aren't now on sale for that, and we've added
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: second shows in d C. And at the Wiltern in
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: Los Angeles, and oh, San Francisco. Yeah, a second show
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: in San Francisco at the Masonic, and that weekend I
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: perform at the Masonic two shows, and then Joe Koy
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: performs the next night and the next night and at
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: some arena in San Francisco. So we're gonna be both
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: performing in the same city the same weekend. So how fun,
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, just a couple descending on a city
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: and just doing wonderful things descending on our hot air balloon.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: That's how we like to enter cities. Oh okay. So,
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: if you're looking to write into this podcast, I get
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: so many d ms on Instagram not knowing how to
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: It's a Dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com, Gmail
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: dot com, so you can write in for any questions
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: you have that you want advice on UM. If you're
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: seeking advice about relationships, about work, stuff about sex, stuff
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: about animal stuff, but not with sex, like that's a
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: separate topic. And then anything that's going on interpersonal affairs.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: We like affairs we like, well, we don't like, but
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: we like giving advice about them. If you're just in
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: a situation where you're feeling kind of unmotivated and you
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: need to kick in the ass, you know whatever. But
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 1: don't be shy, because we love our callers, and this
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 1: has been going just so swimmingly, Catherine. There's so many
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: interesting people that call in and with really interesting problems,
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: and then they double back with us and give us updates,
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: which is so nice. It's so nice to see progress.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: And people always think like, oh, I never thought you
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: were going to get to my question. It's like, no,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: we we're going. We're going through them all, so we
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: just might pick yours. Okay, bye bye,