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Do Narcissists deserve love from you? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on beautiful people Welcome to another
• 0:03
  episode of the narcissist Code. I'm your favorite selfaware
• 0:06
  narcissist Mr. Lee Hammett better known as mental illness
• 0:09
  across all social media platforms.
• 0:11
  This is the first time I see my face or hear my voice.
• 0:13
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and I use my platform
• 0:16
  on social media to raise awareness for NPD, get more
• 0:19
  people in the therapy and also help validate the victims
• 0:21
  survivors and thrivers or said disorder, said Tox.
• 0:23
  People said toxitrates. Today's episode is going to be
• 0:26
  about do narcissists deserve love.
• 0:29
  I know this is going to hit you. It's going to hit you like a ton
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  of bricks, isn't it? Y'all do narcissists deserve
• 0:34
  love? So before it happens, today's
• 0:36
  episode y'all make sure you check out the self love brand.
• 0:39
  This shirt right here. Impact over intent because we
• 0:42
  know your intentions might be good, but the impact matters
• 0:46
  more because you could have the good intent and blow some stuff
• 0:50
  up. You know what I mean?
• 0:51
  But yeah, that's how it happens. So y'all impact over intent, the
• 0:54
  links and the description of every single video and podcast
• 0:56
  that I do. But yeah, yeah, this is going to
• 0:58
  be this might be a little touchy subject for some of y'all, but
• 1:00
  seriously, do narcissists deserve love?
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  The answer. So for me and this is my
• 1:04
  perspective, y'all y'all might not agree with my perspective.
• 1:06
  This is 100% understandable. But this is not me trying to
• 1:09
  victim blame. This is not me trying to enable
• 1:10
  narcissists. This is not me trying to just
• 1:12
  say, hey look, you need to love them through no.
• 1:14
  Hell no, because I am not. Y'all do, do I?
• 1:17
  I feel like everybody on this planet at one time or another is
• 1:23
  deserving of love. I I I do believe that.
• 1:26
  I I feel like if you're a believer, see if you're
• 1:28
  spiritual, whatever, everybody is deserving of love at one time
• 1:31
  or another. But can you fall out of that
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  deserving category? Absolutely, yes.
• 1:36
  I feel like people have to earn it.
• 1:37
  Y'all, you know, I don't think it's just it's gonna sound
• 1:41
  weird, but like, people have to earn your love.
• 1:43
  People have to earn your respect.
• 1:44
  You shouldn't respect people that already you have.
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  They have a horrible reputation for treating people badly around
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  you, like you will respect somebody that beats your parent,
• 1:53
  beats your mom, beats your dad, you mean?
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  You know what I'm saying? They have to earn it.
• 1:58
  The narcissists deserve love. Yes.
• 2:01
  If they are earning it you you have.
• 2:03
  I always tell people like you have to update your resume with
• 2:07
  in these in these relationships spaces, the relationship life
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  like they deserve love but not if they're treating you
• 2:13
  horribly. You like I say even if they're
• 2:15
  treating you horribly and you you're the type of person like
• 2:17
  Lee. Everybody deserves love and I
• 2:20
  everybody deserves love and respect.
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  Love is like an inalienable right.
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  Love is like, you know, one of these.
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  Just love is one of these things is unquestioned that everybody
• 2:29
  deserves. If this one if that's your mind
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  say y'all, then yes, everybody deserves love.
• 2:35
  But you don't have to allow them access.
• 2:38
  They have to earn access to you. Love might be an inalienable
• 2:41
  right for most people, but they have.
• 2:43
  They don't deserve, they don't. Access to you isn't.
• 2:47
  Let's just put it that way. You have to earn access to my
• 2:51
  life. I might be a loving, kind,
• 2:52
  caring person, but you have to consistently, and you have to
• 2:55
  consistently and constantly earn access to my life.
• 2:59
  You have to earn access to my space.
• 3:01
  You have to earn access because, like, yeah, they have to update
• 3:05
  you. They have to.
• 3:06
  You can't, like, stop. You can't allow somebody because
• 3:08
  you love somebody. You can't be, like, keep
• 3:10
  allowing them to hurt you. How does it work?
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  That doesn't make sense. What about loving you?
• 3:14
  What about? Let's flip the question.
• 3:15
  Do you deserve love? Do you deserve to be treated
• 3:18
  well? You do.
• 3:19
  You deserve all the things you're asking.
• 3:21
  Do nurses just deserve? I get a question?
• 3:22
  Yeah, I get this question a lot. I know people won't be.
• 3:24
  I do. I get this question a lot in my
• 3:25
  comments. Do nurses deserve love?
• 3:27
  They might deserve love, but it doesn't mean that they are
• 3:30
  entitled access to you. Put it like that.
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  They are that just because you they are deserving of love does
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  not mean that they are deserving of access and be treated like to
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  you. They don't deserve communication
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  from you. They don't deserve access to
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  you, friendship from you. They don't deserve that type of
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  stuff right there. They can deserve love.
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  You can love people. You can love people from a
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  distance. You can love them or from old
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  way over there. Hey look, I love you.
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  I love you so much. You mean to a world to be or you
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  meant the world to me? Thank you for being a part of my
• 4:02
  life. Thank you for coming into my
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  life when you did. But I can no longer allow you
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  access to me because I choose me.
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  Because you actually like my love for you and me.
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  Allowing access to you, into my life, into my space doesn't do
• 4:16
  me any good. It's draining me.
• 4:18
  It's causing me to love myself less, loving you and giving you
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  access to my life. It's causing me to love myself
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  less. It's causing me to treat myself
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  badly. It's causing me to do a lot of
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  things that I never thought that I would do.
• 4:32
  You can put yourself first. Yeah, I know.
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  To a lot of people, y'all is wow a lot of people don't put
• 4:38
  themselves 1st. And I understand y'all you, you
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  were raised in chaos. You were raised in trauma.
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  If you were raised in a just a very unique uniquely toxic
• 4:47
  situation. I can understand you feeling in
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  a certain type of way about love, care, respect, honor.
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  I can yeah I can. I can get jiggy with it.
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  But access? Y'all.
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  You don't have to allow them access to you because what about
• 5:01
  you? Because what about you?
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  It is yeah, self love. You know I I have a whole self
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  love journal. I'm having a writing a whole
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  self love. Of course I'm putting the I'm
• 5:09
  putting the self love stuff together because self love, I
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  know this right here. Y'all does not mean selfish.
• 5:16
  Self love does not mean selfish. You can love yourself and it
• 5:19
  doesn't mean you're selfish. You see what I'm saying?
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  You can put yourself first because in a lot of times it
• 5:24
  needs toxic relationship spaces with narcissistic people.
• 5:26
  Talk to people, whatever. You love yourself less.
• 5:29
  It's like you're giving more and more and more of your love,
• 5:32
  care, affection to this person while they're taking more and
• 5:34
  more and more away from you. So at the end of the day,
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  they're taking from you the love that you should be giving to
• 5:40
  yourself. Like they're asking you for more
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  and more and more like you've given you like y'all you've
• 5:45
  reached the limit of love you have for this person because
• 5:48
  they've been doing so much horrible stuff to you that they
• 5:52
  they keep asking you for more. They says, hey, look, this is
• 5:54
  love me a little bit more and you were like, like, look, I
• 5:57
  just get you all the love I got. The only love I have left is for
• 6:00
  my it's for myself. Give me that.
• 6:03
  Then I need that. And you give it to them because
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  you love them. Don't let the love you have for
• 6:08
  this person be weaponized against you.
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  Don't let the love you have for these type of people be
• 6:12
  weaponized against you. And a lot of times the
• 6:14
  narcissist in your life is a parent.
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  It's only your parents. It's your best friend.
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  It's your sibling. Significant, like say y'all.
• 6:21
  The relationship dynamic does not matter.
• 6:23
  Just because you're you love your parent, you love your mom
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  or your dad does not mean that they are, that they are
• 6:28
  guaranteed access to you. It's like, yeah, it's like you
• 6:32
  like you have to get to the point where, like I said, you
• 6:34
  know, you have to get to the point where you have an access
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  code for your life that only certain people know, right?
• 6:41
  And you the code changes all the time.
• 6:44
  So people have you just like working in, let's say, working
• 6:46
  for the government. They send out access codes in
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  the morning, right. So every access code for your
• 6:52
  love and your care and your life, access to you changes
• 6:56
  every single day. And people in your life have to
• 6:58
  update their access. They have to.
• 7:00
  They have to meet the requirements to get the access
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  code. Because one morning they might
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  wake up like you, like if you're working for the government in
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  some in some spots one morning they might wake up or you might
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  wake up and they they their access has been revoked.
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  They don't get the e-mail. Just say here's your code.
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  No, hey, I don't. I don't have the code this
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  morning. What happened?
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  What's going on? You didn't see me the code this
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  morning. Sorry, but your access has been
• 7:22
  denied. Your access has been revoked.
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  Your access to me, it's no longer applicable.
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  You don't need that. Why do you need the access code
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  for you See what I'm saying? You can do that.
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  Y'all. If that is well within your
• 7:31
  capabilities, that is well within your space, That is well
• 7:35
  within your life to be able to do that.
• 7:37
  Do narcissists deserve love? Yes.
• 7:39
  Y'all. They have to earn it.
• 7:40
  They have to consistently earn it from you.
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  They have to consistently go do that type of stuff right there.
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  And that's what I'm just saying to people.
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  Y'all you have to be. You have to be willing to hold
• 7:48
  people like that accountable. You just have to.
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  You may. Because if you don't, that's
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  when you get into those situations, into those spaces
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  that you're going to be. You're going to start putting
• 7:56
  them above you. You can't love this person more.
• 7:59
  Do you love yourself till it gets to the point where you're
• 8:02
  putting them above you. You can't consistently put
• 8:05
  somebody else above you. And it's like, unless I see, I
• 8:07
  can see them do with a child or something like that, but with a
• 8:10
  grown ass adult, that's harming you consistently?
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  No, that's because you love them.
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  Does not mean access. Do they deserve love?
• 8:17
  Yeah, but not if they're hurting you.
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  Not that they're not. Not that they're not meeting the
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  requirements of access to you. Not that they didn't.
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  You didn't. You don't have to send the code
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  out. You see what I'm saying?
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  I love them, but they hurt me. Yeah.
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  That's cognitive dissonance. I love this person, but they
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  hurt me. You have two different
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  realities. You have to get rid of the the
• 8:36
  cognitive dissonance and the cloudiness of this of your life.
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  Right now, they can't. I they they love me.
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  They deserve love. But they they are hurting me.
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  You see what I'm saying? Those are who Conflicting
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  thoughts. They deserve love.
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  I love them, but they are hurting me.
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  They deserve love, but they keep cheating on me.
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  They deserve love, but they keep.
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  They keep doing things to hurt me.
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  They don't love me back. You see what I'm saying?
• 9:01
  You have to clear the cloudiness out.
• 9:02
  Y'all look up cognitive distance because you have to get rid of
• 9:05
  that to help you heal. In a lot of this relationship
• 9:07
  spaces in a lot of his life and there's a lot of his love.
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  Y'all they have to continuously update their resume.
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  They that y've just not oh let me look up today and love.
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  No y'all, no, no, no. They have to earn it.
• 9:16
  Do nurses deserve love If they earn it in thick legs?
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  Y'all make them earn it. Bully.
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  How do I make them earn it? Y'all by taking them away.
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  If they keep doing that, setting boundaries, holding them
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  accountable. If you do this again, I'm done.
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  They do it again, You're done. You take the love away.
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  You take the access away. I thought you love me.
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  You don't love me. You if you love me.
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  You wouldn't cut me off If you love me.
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  You will forgive me if you know the How about the cuss.
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  How about the cus? I caught myself Know the If you
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  don't have to. You know Yeah you love you do
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  you deserve love. Flip it onto you.
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  They don't deserve access. If they're treating you
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  horrible, if they're treating, if they're consistently treating
• 9:59
  you bad, they do not deserve access to your life.
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  They do not deserve access to your space.
• 10:04
  They do not deserve access. They just don't.
• 10:06
  It's one of those things loving love.
• 10:08
  Love from like deserving of love is not an inalienable right
• 10:12
  Y'all. They have to consistently earn
• 10:14
  it. They have to earn that love that
• 10:16
  that they're asking of you. That's one of those things,
• 10:18
  y'all I'm just telling you. Make them earn it.
• 10:21
  Continue. Like I said, consistently,
• 10:23
  continuously change that code of your life.
• 10:25
  Because if you're not changing that code, they're going to be
• 10:27
  coming in and out of your life. They're going to ruin your damn
• 10:29
  life. And you can be.
• 10:30
  Yeah, you can be mad at them. But you got to look internally
• 10:32
  like, look at you, look at look at us.
• 10:34
  We got to look at us. We got to flip the camera onto
• 10:36
  us. We got to look into the camera
• 10:37
  sometimes of life and be like, damn, this one's on me, you know
• 10:41
  what I'm saying? Do the artists deserve love?
• 10:43
  If they're earning it, don't allow them access to your life
• 10:47
  to ruin your life because they will take you through the ringer
• 10:49
  y'all and they will ruin your whole damn life and they'll
• 10:51
  blame you. But anyways y'all make sure if
• 10:53
  you made it this far you out. You might as well subscribe to
• 10:55
  the channel if you haven't. It costs $0.00 to hit the
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• 11:00
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• 11:05
  to who this is out peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 11:09
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• 11:12
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• 11:15
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• 11:18
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