Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Friends and Friendships (Pt. 2) | Ep. 24

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Friends and Friendships (Pt. 2) | Ep. 24 · The Parenting Podcast

• 1:00
  Cheryl: Welcome back listeners.
• 1:01
  Cheryl: We're here, not around the TPP table, but we're around, I guess the TPP zoom.
• 1:08
  Cheryl: We are getting remote recording of resume and.
• 1:12
  Cheryl: Hopefully, uh, technology's gonna cooperate with us.
• 1:17
  Cheryl: So, thank you for your patience.
• 1:19
  Cheryl: And so Christy's not here with us today, but Ellen.
• 1:23
  Cheryl: Hi.
• 1:24
  Cheryl: Good to see.
• 1:27
  Ellen: What are you kidding
• 1:30
  Danae: by the way?
• 1:31
  Danae: What do you mean?
• 1:33
  Cheryl: What if you got, it looks so good.
• 1:35
  Cheryl: It is
• 1:36
  Ellen: cauliflower chips
• 1:38
  Cheryl: or
• 1:40
  Ellen: potato and sorghum called cider chips.
• 1:43
  Ellen: They're called a crispy.
• 1:45
  Ellen: They're very crazy.
• 1:46
  Ellen: yeah, they're actually good.
• 1:47
  Ellen: They just like potato chips.
• 1:49
  Ellen: They have, they have no advantages other than they have the same amount of calories, maybe a little less, same amount of carbs.
• 1:55
  Ellen: So the fibers, the only difference cauliflower seems
• 2:00
  Danae: to be everywhere.
• 2:01
  Danae: We'll do you know, most of my family eats gluten-free so we'll get the cauliflower pizza crust.
• 2:07
  Danae: And once you put all the Emmy toppings on, you know, you can't tell,
• 2:10
  Cheryl: cauliflower was like, Vegetable that not everybody likes
• 2:17
  Danae: I'd buy it.
• 2:17
  Danae: And it would mold in
• 2:18
  Ellen: my refrigerator
• 2:21
  Cheryl: and you have to pour like cheese sauce.
• 2:24
  Cheryl: There we go.
• 2:25
  Cheryl: Everybody served it with gooey, fake cheese sauce all over it.
• 2:29
  Cheryl: And now it's come big time.
• 2:31
  Cheryl: It's sort of like kale, Everybody only knew it because it was what surrounded the outside of salad bars.
• 2:40
  Cheryl: Right?
• 2:40
  Cheryl: So it was green and nobody knew kale And then boy, it was kale, everything, you know, and now it's called a cauliflower, but cauliflower really meets the need for the GF.
• 2:50
  Cheryl: oh man, when I
• 2:51
  Ellen: was a kid, I was, I'm one of those people.
• 2:53
  Ellen: I love every food in the world.
• 2:55
  Ellen: Really.
• 2:56
  Ellen: I do, except for liver and onion and.
• 3:01
  Ellen: And, uh, my parents would make me eat spinach.
• 3:03
  Ellen: And that was like, uh, it was just so horrible.
• 3:06
  Ellen: It was, I was traumatizing because I liked every food.
• 3:10
  Ellen: I ate.
• 3:10
  Ellen: All my vegetable, never had any problems, but man, we got to spinach.
• 3:15
  Ellen: And then when I got it raw, I liked it.
• 3:17
  Ellen: My parents would always, and my mom would cook it and it was like, wow, why does pop?
• 3:22
  Ellen: I like this stuff.
• 3:24
  Cheryl: I just going to say what a disappointment you are to pop by.
• 3:28
  Danae: But I was that way with Brussels sprouts, I would like, I felt like I was a pretty good kid that my mom would serve Brussels sprouts and I would literally hide them, you know, under my plane.
• 3:38
  Danae: And now they're one of my favorite vegetables to cook, so,
• 3:44
  Ellen: Oh yes.
• 3:45
  Ellen: I learned to swallow brussel sprouts hall, and I learned that my dog did not like Brussels sprouts because that's what I usually do.
• 3:52
  Ellen: I pretend like I was but there were certain things she would not eat.
• 3:57
  Cheryl: So someday we always talk about the episodes.
• 4:00
  Cheryl: I have a friend who is an OT and she deals a lot with children that have trouble with their food.
• 4:08
  Cheryl: And I would love to have her come in, you know, the trouble with breaths breath.
• 4:14
  Cheryl: So we'll get you some counsel today.
• 4:17
  Cheryl: we're missing Christy again today because, but looking forward to her, joining us back so last time We were talking about our children and, walking them through friendships and social situations..
• 4:29
  Cheryl: And we just had so much questions, dancer, and just good conversations.
• 4:34
  Cheryl: So how about we jumped back into that and let me read a question uh, and actually this is from a mom about herself.
• 4:41
  Cheryl: and they watched somebody like Ellen moving and grooving and think what is wrong with me that I can't do what she appears to do.
• 4:49
  Cheryl: So here's what she asked.
• 4:51
  Cheryl: I'm an introvert and I'm a.
• 4:53
  Cheryl: But I also love community and connection to friends.
• 4:56
  Cheryl: However, I'm emotionally drained after social time with others and I need space to recharge, but I ended up pressing through, out of guilt because my husband and kids, and they are all extroverts and they want indeed my attention.
• 5:12
  Cheryl: I'm having a hard time finding balance between investing in friendships, investing in my family, investing in myself, and I'm always letting somebody down more and pushing myself to emotional limits that caused me to spin out of control.
• 5:25
  Cheryl: And I start lashing out and I'm frustrated.
• 5:28
  Cheryl: And then I withdraw from everything.
• 5:31
  Cheryl: How do I stay balanced without isolating myself?
• 5:34
  Cheryl: Please?
• 5:34
  Cheryl: Do you have any advice?
• 5:37
  Danae: First of all.
• 5:38
  Danae: I just feel for that mom.
• 5:39
  Danae: I mean, that's a lot, it feels like a lot of pressure, you know, that she is feeling from others and that she's putting on herself.
• 5:48
  Cheryl: Yup.
• 5:49
  Cheryl: And she's not Singleton.
• 5:51
  Cheryl: That's the same story I had from several people.
• 5:54
  Cheryl: I think
• 5:54
  Ellen: sometimes talking about friendships, people took, put too much strain on friendships by making an acquaintance friendship, trying to drag them into the inner circle.
• 6:05
  Cheryl: What do you mean?
• 6:05
  Cheryl: Tell me what that means.
• 6:06
  Ellen: In other words, so you have four, four people that you're friendly with, but the reality is in that group, you'll probably have one person you're going to want to invest more time in and have more relationship.
• 6:19
  Ellen: Doesn't make you unfriendly to the others.
• 6:21
  Ellen: But I think sometimes we think, well, I know all these people, so I have to be on the same level of friendship with everybody.
• 6:27
  Ellen: And that gets really draining rather than, you know, these three people are my really good friends.
• 6:33
  Ellen: I give them most of my energy and everybody else I'm friendly with, oh, I like
• 6:39
  Danae: that.
• 6:39
  Danae: The difference between friendly and friend.
• 6:42
  Danae: I also think about it.
• 6:43
  Danae: She talked about not having enough time.
• 6:46
  Danae: I think she said for her, her husband and her kids, it does take a lot of energy and a lot of time to have these French.
• 6:58
  Danae: With our children, our friendships, you know, with our partner, it takes a lot.
• 7:05
  Danae: And that really is we talk, we talk a lot about big rocks.
• 7:08
  Danae: Like those are big rocks, um, for her and for all of us,
• 7:15
  Cheryl: you know, and one of the things we say regularly, you're going to your limitations of your energy.
• 7:22
  Cheryl: We have to steal the energy from somewhere, which comes back to what you're saying today about the big rocks.
• 7:28
  Cheryl: And I wonder if part of that answer would be the concentric circles we've talked about and you referred to, but I loved what you said.
• 7:36
  Cheryl: Ellen is learning to be friendly, but separating that from actually being a friend where may be when we're healthy.
• 7:48
  Cheryl: Like what Alan's saying, we can be friendly with a room of people, but actually only have a few friends.
• 7:54
  Cheryl: And maybe that goes back to what we were saying to our kids when they go, when they do have close friends and they go into a social setting to be friendly to everyone and not cluster with just their friends.
• 8:07
  Cheryl: Does that make sense?
• 8:08
  Danae: Yeah.
• 8:08
  Danae: And I think, um, you know, that mom really realizing, uh, what does she want and what does she need in friendships?
• 8:17
  Danae: You know, how much, how much energy energy does she have each day or each week, and then going and talking with her husband and with her children about the health of that family,
• 8:30
  Cheryl: I think this may be helpful, friendly versus friend because she's very hospitable and she loves to have people over and do all that, but she doesn't draw really good boundaries and certain personalities, have more energy.
• 8:47
  Cheryl: And so to recognize where are my boundaries of energy?
• 8:52
  Cheryl: For example, Instead of saying, yeah, why don't you bring the kids over after school Thursday afternoon?
• 8:59
  Cheryl: Maybe drawing a little bit of boundaries and phrasing it Hey why don't y'all come over between three and four 30 drawing the boundaries that she needs to have, because then she's absolutely wiped out.
• 9:11
  Cheryl: By the time everybody gathers for dinner and she cooks dinner and then has all around her and maybe boundaries might be helpful.
• 9:19
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:21
  Ellen: Well, yeah, I, I can understand that boundaries is really important, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert.
• 9:27
  Ellen: And that, that it's okay.
• 9:29
  Ellen: And I've always loved and appreciated the depth of my introverted friends.
• 9:35
  Ellen: They have a few good friends and they invest in those friendships.
• 9:39
  Ellen: That's what they give their energy to.
• 9:41
  Cheryl: Flip side is if we think we have enough energy.
• 9:48
  Cheryl: We don't draw good boundaries and we end up skimming instead of going in depth.
• 9:55
  Cheryl: that's a danger of being an outwardly friendly person.
• 9:59
  Danae: Yeah.
• 10:00
  Danae: What I'm hearing her say.
• 10:01
  Danae: And I definitely know that I've done.
• 10:03
  Danae: This is thinking about what it means to be a good friend, as I'm looking at everyone else and thinking I should be doing this, I should be doing that.
• 10:15
  Danae: I should be feeling this way.
• 10:17
  Danae: You know, and if we just would all realize, this is who I am, this is the energy I have at least at this season of my life, you know, we all have different seasons.
• 10:27
  Danae: And so right now this is what I'm able to give it.
• 10:29
  Danae: I'm not less than someone else who had seen seems to have more to give right now.
• 10:37
  Ellen: You're thing of importance is giving to your family.
• 10:41
  Ellen: Everything else is icing on the cake.
• 10:44
  Ellen: And there's nothing wrong with having one friend and that's it.
• 10:48
  Ellen: You don't have to have a huge pool of friends.
• 10:50
  Ellen: If you have one close friend that you can connect with and laugh and cry with, and then you devote yourself to your family and having friendships with your families on different levels, but you always need that one friend that you're kind of equal in the relationship with, as opposed to a lot of times, as the mom befriending your children, you're doing a lot of giving in the beginning as a mom with adult children.
• 11:15
  Ellen: Now my kids give back to me, but when they were young, you know, you're pouring and pouring in teaching them how to be a friend.
• 11:23
  Ellen: And now that everybody's 30 and over, I can say I'm friends with all my children and they treat me as a friend as well as a mom.
• 11:32
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 11:32
  Cheryl: That's a perk.
• 11:33
  Cheryl: To be friends with your children can be one of the delightful things of this stage..
• 11:39
  Cheryl: they are very special friends.
• 11:42
  Cheryl: And by, by nature, they are on my inner circle.
• 11:47
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 11:47
  Cheryl: You
• 11:48
  Danae: know, when, even when my kids were younger, I really spent a lot of thought and time into developing friendships with them or, or, or doing friendship type things, you know, I'm I was the parent.
• 12:03
  Danae: And so I'm not, you know, saying, oh, I'm just going to be buddy, buddy friends with my kids.
• 12:07
  Danae: But I spent a lot of time.
• 12:09
  Danae: I think part of it was to model to them.
• 12:12
  Danae: Friendship a given take a friendship.
• 12:14
  Danae: And then also, um, you know, to know that I was preferring them, you know, so I had coffee dates, you know, we would do, you know, ice cream, 30 minutes and that type of thing.
• 12:28
  Danae: And so that was just an example that I was thinking of, of spending that time, even with their young, when they were younger with the friendships, um, that something else with what Ellen was talking about, which I agree Ellen with you, that one friend.
• 12:44
  Danae: But I also look back and I have some regret over not just doing some more fun things with groups.
• 12:52
  Danae: I know I had friends that would say they would have Bunco night once a month.
• 12:57
  Danae: And I just thought, oh, Frivolous.
• 13:01
  Danae: I don't have time to go play Bunco, not have time to go do something like that.
• 13:06
  Danae: And now I I've had more experiences with groups like that as I was trying to, you know, develop more friendships and it was a lot of fun.
• 13:17
  Danae: And so to a mom that says, I don't have any time at all, you know, being intentional and maybe once a month just going and doing something, even light hearted.
• 13:27
  Danae: And
• 13:28
  Ellen: I'm a mom that needs it right today is the right thing.
• 13:30
  Ellen: They don't have the time to have fun.
• 13:32
  Ellen: If a mom who really needs to go have at least, you know, a couple of hours a month on foot.
• 13:37
  Danae: Right?
• 13:38
  Danae: Exactly.
• 13:39
  Danae: And then maybe that could be someplace where she could meet some moms.
• 13:44
  Danae: And then in that, you know, having that once a month or once every couple of weeks time and find out that another mom is, is someone she could be a deeper friend with and then being intentional.
• 13:55
  Danae: With that one person to get to know each other.
• 13:58
  Cheryl: And, and I think it's expectations, which we've talked about to think, whatever my situation, whatever the limitations of my situation in a whole lives and particularly in the parenting years, to be realistic about, uh, what you can handle and what's realistic.
• 14:21
  Cheryl: But I think what you're both saying is it's okay, why don't you start small and develop that friendship.
• 14:30
  Cheryl: And then also bring in some of the fun it's okay to have fun.
• 14:36
  Cheryl: And it's okay to have that third tier of friendliness like a Bunco night or, uh, everybody goes, whatever it is and does something fun, uh, to watch a movie together, or you watch a series, but you only meet once a month or something, or whenever it works, um, and to work in the big picture and the small picture and get the.
• 15:01
  Danae: Right.
• 15:02
  Danae: You know, another area that I found friends is book clubs of my children had some book clubs growing up.
• 15:11
  Danae: And so it was a place where you don't, you're kind of doing double duty where you're spending time with your children, but then you're also, I was also around other moms and we could talk and have fellowship.
• 15:25
  Danae: And what is life-giving to,, cause I know it's, you're saying like adding on and am on maybe listening.
• 15:31
  Danae: I'm saying I can't add on one more thing, you know?
• 15:35
  Danae: So for look, look for a way to, to be with a friend or a group of people, like you were saying, like friendly that's life giving to you.
• 15:44
  Ellen: I was going to add onto that and just say, um, I know one thing I would have changed when I was a little bit younger, even though we had five kids at a very, very full life.
• 15:55
  Ellen: I didn't give myself enough time to pursue things that I enjoy because I was like, oh, I don't have time to do that.
• 16:03
  Ellen: Cause I'm just kind of tagging what you're saying, Denae.
• 16:06
  Ellen: one of the things I learned is I'm an artist, but I would never give myself time to sit down and do art.
• 16:14
  Ellen: And I kind of regret that.
• 16:16
  Ellen: Um, because to me that's really life-giving.
• 16:20
  Ellen: And when I finally reached that point where I felt it was okay to do that, it made a big, huge difference.
• 16:27
  Ellen: In fact, my kids would go, mommy, go need to go do some art.
• 16:30
  Ellen: Either.
• 16:34
  Ellen: If you have something in you, that's really powerful, whether it's music or art or whatever, you kind of love, you have to, God created that again.
• 16:43
  Ellen: And you have to nurture that a little bit.
• 16:44
  Ellen: You may not be able to give it the time you did when you were single or didn't have any children, but you do need to, because it makes you an overall more interesting person to your spouse, your children and your friends,
• 16:57
  Cheryl: this is really healthy.
• 16:58
  Cheryl: What we're trying to do is talk about healthy friendships and all that.
• 17:01
  Cheryl: I had a mom and I'd like to read what she says, because in this case she's dealing with something that's not a healthy friendship.
• 17:10
  Cheryl: And I would be interested in hearing what you all say.
• 17:14
  Cheryl: I'm having problems, the friend of mine, I'm not sure what to do.
• 17:18
  Cheryl: I tend to be a servant.
• 17:20
  Cheryl: I absolutely don't mind helping friends when they need it.
• 17:23
  Cheryl: But at times I feel this is so one-sided and it feels.
• 17:27
  Cheryl: Silly, I guess, to address it.
• 17:29
  Cheryl: My friend calls me and we talk about her husband, her kids, her life, but she railer asked me about how I'm doing.
• 17:38
  Cheryl: She will drop her little boy off at times without even asking first, because she's out running errands and just wonders.
• 17:46
  Cheryl: If could he play with your son for a little bit?
• 17:49
  Cheryl: She's sweet.
• 17:50
  Cheryl: And I really like her, but is this normal to think that this is okay, it's really starting to bug me.
• 17:56
  Cheryl: She usually isn't available babysit.
• 17:59
  Cheryl: When I asked her and yesterday she even asked me if I could have her son's birthday party at my house and make the cake for him.
• 18:08
  Cheryl: And he wants it to be green.
• 18:10
  Cheryl: I don't know.
• 18:13
  Cheryl: I feel guilty because I'm not happy at all to be doing this.
• 18:18
  Cheryl: Um, I wrote
• 18:19
  Ellen: some strong emotions.
• 18:21
  Danae: Wow.
• 18:22
  Danae: I mean, loud and clear this doesn't sound like a mutual friendship.
• 18:28
  Danae: Is this a friend?
• 18:30
  Danae: You know, I've had scenarios in my life where I've had to look at is this
• 18:34
  Ellen: service.
• 18:35
  Danae: You know, I have people in my life, maybe some people would call it ministry.
• 18:39
  Danae: There are people in my life that I think they need my help.
• 18:43
  Danae: And so do I have enough space in my time and my energy to help this person, but to call it, I would not call that a friendship because friendship is reciprocal, it's mutual and no one person should be dominant, you know?
• 18:58
  Danae: And so, yeah.
• 19:00
  Danae: I have a lot of feelings about
• 19:01
  Cheryl: that.
• 19:02
  Cheryl: And also we had that word life-giving right.
• 19:05
  Cheryl: You know, so I think that's really good.
• 19:09
  Cheryl: This is not friendship.
• 19:10
  Cheryl: again, it's just, it's not balanced.
• 19:13
  Danae: That's back to boundaries.
• 19:14
  Danae: Cheryl, we had touched on boundaries before, and it's hard, you know, to have these kinds of tough conversations, but it seems like they to have a tough conversation with this
• 19:28
  Ellen: person.
• 19:30
  Ellen: And what, by that tough conversation, if you say I can't do all these things, sorry.
• 19:37
  Ellen: And they're not your friend where you haven't lost
• 19:39
  Cheryl: a friend, then.
• 19:42
  Cheryl: Let's say if she evaluates it and says, okay, I will move it to the category of service of somebody I know.
• 19:51
  Cheryl: And then just turn things down.
• 19:53
  Cheryl: If she wants to proceed the friendship, then they have to have a conversation.
• 19:58
  Cheryl: This is not healthy.
• 19:58
  Cheryl: How can we move to a healthier friendship?
• 20:01
  Cheryl: So I think the first question would be, do we just put this in a separate category or do I want to pursue this as a friendship?
• 20:09
  Danae: I think we're going back to what is the definition of a friend?
• 20:12
  Danae: Yeah.
• 20:13
  Danae: So if you, if you change that category in your mind, that
• 20:17
  Ellen: helps that's on that outer circle of people that maybe you serve.
• 20:23
  Ellen: If you want to use that term or you hell, but you don't have the same expectation from them in friendship, because I think that's where people get disappointed and caught up.
• 20:33
  Ellen: They assume because a person wants to enter into your circle, that they have the same idea of friendship as you do.
• 20:40
  Ellen: And they may not.
• 20:42
  Ellen: And so you, you have to evaluate how close do I want to be to this person?
• 20:47
  Ellen: And do they have the same idea of friendship as I do in terms of expectations.
• 20:52
  Ellen: And we all have had relationship with takers, you know, they just, that's how they see friendship.
• 20:59
  Ellen: Then once you say yes, then it's like the list goes on and on.
• 21:04
  Ellen: And then once you kind of put up boundaries that will determine if they really want to be your friend or not.
• 21:09
  Ellen: Because if you keep beating to say, no, I can't do any of those things and they get mad or don't ever call you back again.
• 21:15
  Ellen: Well, that was an easy way to get out of that friendship.
• 21:18
  Cheryl: And it's true.
• 21:19
  Cheryl: Cause one of the things we say all the time is we want to love others better.
• 21:23
  Cheryl: And uh, that's why I need.
• 21:27
  Cheryl: And Was good to have a sounding board or have someone else speak into it to say, it's not loving for you to have unhealthiness or like this, this one sided taking, uh, because when you're in that position, it feels unloving to say I'm drawing a boundary.
• 21:47
  Cheryl: What to remember loving people well includes the concept of boundaries and healthiness.
• 21:55
  Cheryl: I
• 21:55
  Danae: have an example, um, of seasons now, just so just in case any, any moms that are listening are thinking, oh no, am I taking too much?
• 22:06
  Danae: And my friend.
• 22:07
  Danae: You know, so when I was going through my divorce, I mean, every time I would talk to my close friends, either individually or as a group, I mean, it really was all about me because I was falling apart.
• 22:22
  Danae: You know, I mean, I needed people to call me and say tonight, have you eaten, have you showered?
• 22:28
  Danae: Have you changed your clothes in three days?
• 22:30
  Danae: You know, I, and that went on for longer than I would.
• 22:34
  Danae: I would like to say.
• 22:35
  Danae: And I remember a friend of mine that was very direct.
• 22:40
  Danae: I said something like, oh, thank you.
• 22:42
  Danae: No, thank you so much.
• 22:43
  Danae: And I'm sorry, this always has to be about me.
• 22:45
  Danae: And, and she said something.
• 22:48
  Danae: Tonight.
• 22:48
  Danae: It's okay.
• 22:49
  Danae: You know, this is what you need right now, but if it's the same way in a couple of years, that's not good, you know, that's not a good friendship.
• 22:58
  Danae: And I don't know if she said that.
• 22:59
  Danae: Exactly.
• 22:59
  Danae: I remember at first it stunned me just a minute.
• 23:03
  Danae: I was like, oh, I don't want to be, always be a taker.
• 23:06
  Danae: But she was right.
• 23:07
  Danae: You know, this was a season in our friendship that I needed a lot of support and we were reciprocal friends.
• 23:18
  Danae: And then over time as I got my feet under me, I was able to hear more what she needed and it back balanced, you know?
• 23:28
  Danae: So
• 23:30
  Cheryl: yeah, no, that is really good.
• 23:33
  Cheryl: The two of you.
• 23:34
  Cheryl: We're my sounding boards, my intimates, as I walked through the, uh, widow parenting and raising of my children because of the grief and the trauma of it all.
• 23:46
  Cheryl: And I agree with it tonight, disco, it's always about me, you know, I'm hurting so much.
• 23:53
  Cheryl: And so I want the world to know how much I appreciate that because that's the joy of having friends around you.
• 24:02
  Cheryl: So you can pull their energy when you don't have it, and you can have them care for you and love you and help you and speak harder things to you sometime.
• 24:17
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 24:18
  Cheryl: Yep.
• 24:19
  Cheryl: And that's why we want to start small.
• 24:22
  Cheryl: Some core friendships and then be friendly as much as you have energy for, but, uh, to expand that anything else, because we're running out of time again.
• 24:34
  Cheryl: And is there anything else that you've thought of that you want to speak into this?
• 24:38
  Cheryl: Either moms for their kids or just friendship in general?
• 24:44
  Danae: I did want to go back to talk about the mom who, who is working, you know, who doesn't have time for friendships.
• 24:52
  Danae: And my life is very full with being in grad school and I do some work and then have, you know, my, my daughter's at home and, and on and on, as we all do the mini plates I'm spinning.
• 25:05
  Danae: And I was feeling a need in my life to have a friend, someone around my age that was also going through grad.
• 25:17
  Danae: Oh, because I, you know, I have good friends that I was feeling very different and I didn't want to always be talking, you know, about my school, this and my school that this assignment came up and it's just a lot that I need to process.
• 25:34
  Danae: And so I reached out and I'm on it, an online school.
• 25:37
  Danae: So I reached out to a woman, um, that I had been matched with as a homework partner, one time and emailed her and said, kind of explain this to her.
• 25:48
  Danae: You know, what would you think about, uh, supporting each other and, you know, talking maybe once a week and she emailed me back pretty quickly.
• 25:58
  Danae: 100%.
• 25:59
  Ellen: Absolutely.
• 26:01
  Ellen: That's sweet.
• 26:03
  Danae: And she's, she works full time.
• 26:05
  Danae: Plus goes to grad school.
• 26:06
  Danae: Well, we have it set up zoom call every Monday from 12 to one.
• 26:12
  Danae: And we do that every week.
• 26:16
  Danae: It's one hour we get in and I, we talk a lot about the pressures of school and the school assignments, and that was something intentional and, and sure, there were times I could say I'm too busy for that, that we have a scheduled intentional call.
• 26:33
  Danae: And that has been very meaningful for both.
• 26:36
  Ellen: Yeah,
• 26:36
  Cheryl: that's neat.
• 26:37
  Cheryl: That's really good boys that wise so healthy and it is good to have friends that understand certain things, you know, and so we can have different levels of friendships and different things, but.
• 26:52
  Cheryl: Uh, commonality, whether to loss or situation or job, whatever it is that is, yeah, that's a great basis.
• 27:00
  Cheryl: I know Ellen has her art friends.
• 27:03
  Cheryl: And so I appreciate, I love art, but I'm not an artist.
• 27:07
  Cheryl: And so she has friends that meet that need that is really healthy.
• 27:12
  Cheryl: A
• 27:12
  Ellen: military wife, Mo when you live in a civilian community, most people don't understand your lifestyle.
• 27:19
  Ellen: They don't understand your husband's always gone or whatever.
• 27:22
  Ellen: And so you have to, I've always made sure we've either lived on base or always had military friends.
• 27:29
  Ellen: And especially for my children, they needed other children around them whose moms and dads were gone.
• 27:35
  Ellen: So they could see that that was normal.
• 27:37
  Ellen: Within the military community.
• 27:39
  Ellen: And they weren't because when we've been in civilian communities, they are, where's your dad, how can we never
• 27:44
  Danae: here?
• 27:45
  Danae: Right.
• 27:45
  Danae: That'd be hard.
• 27:46
  Cheryl: What is, it's been excellent again.
• 27:49
  Cheryl: And, but we've run out of time.
• 27:51
  Cheryl: Didn't they?
• 27:51
  Cheryl: I can't cut you off.
• 27:52
  Cheryl: Do you want to say one more thing?
• 27:54
  Cheryl: I
• 27:54
  Danae: was just going to say, like, you're saying to wrap it up, you know, we've talked about some issues with friendships, with our children and then with us as moms.
• 28:04
  Danae: And I think, you know, us modeling good, solid, healthy friendships to our children is one of the best gifts we can give to them.
• 28:14
  Cheryl: Excellent.
• 28:14
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 28:15
  Cheryl: Listeners, we need to hear from you please.
• 28:19
  Cheryl: Contact us However you want to get ahold of us.
• 28:22
  Cheryl: DM, text us contact@theparentingpodcast.com.
• 28:28
  Cheryl: If you're thinking of a question now, just text to us right now.
• 28:32
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 28:32
  Cheryl: We want to hear from you.
• 28:33
  Cheryl: And this was fun again today.
• 28:35
  Cheryl: I appreciate y'all so much.
• 28:37
  Cheryl: moms remember Hang in there.
• 28:40
  Cheryl: Keep them.
• 28:42
  Cheryl: Keep persevering because it's worth it.