Latest / The You Project / #2065 The Self-Created Sh*t-Fest - Kelly Smith

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#2065 The Self-Created Sh*t-Fest - Kelly Smith · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello, t yp family, Craig Anthony Harper is my name,
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: mar Tiffany and cookers over there just inhaling all the
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: fucking carbohydrates in metropolitan Melbourne. She's just she just got
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: home from the gym and inhaled a bowl of knoki.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: That's right, noki. And now she's sitting there like a
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: fucking fat little Craig Harper inhaling chocolate. You're such a
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: bad role model. I'm all about balance, harp All. I
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: don't know that the noki with the creamy sauce, what
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: was the sauce blue sauce? Oh god, so carbs and
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: fat and then sugar and fat, well, same same. And
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: then you're going to get up tomorrow and annoyingly, your
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: abs will be fucking sharper, and your delts will be
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: a bit bigger.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: These delts don't feed on bloody kale.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: Do they.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: No, they definitely don't.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: They need a bit about your gold.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: You know what, Kelly and I who with all due respect,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: kel you and I are probably in the same boat.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: It's not that we're not fucking beautiful or brilliant ourselves,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: but we don't have the genetics of one t cook
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: up at the top left hand corner of my screen. Do.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: We certainly don't, so we collectively want to punch you
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: in your fucking rock hard face.
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I've ganged two ki loes just hearing you.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah before Yeah, my ass just exploded out the back
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: listening to that, and before any one writes me an email.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: We don't really want to punch tip in the face.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: That's a joke, Kelly, how are you? I'm good.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: I'm good.
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: I'm craving chocolate now and that's not fair because I
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: don't eat that much chocolate.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: What's your If you could have one food that was
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: what do you call it? You know where it's like
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: a you know those cards, is like a joke or
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: what is it? Like a wild card where it can
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: be anything? But you could have one food that would
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: miraculously have no calories and you could have it whenever
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: you wanted, and you could eat that food and it
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: wouldn't hurt your body in any What would that food be?
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: And it could be like a single thing like chocolate
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: or cheese, or it could be something a composite like
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: lasagna or chicken stir fry.
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, lazaang is in there? Any kind of pasta. Just yeah,
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: all day, every day. If I could, I absolutely would.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Only I used to go hard. When I was a fat,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: little fucker. I used to eat all the pasta. Thanks Mary,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Thanks for cooking that. Mary. Did you not notice how
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: fucking big I was getting? Anyway? I blame her. That's
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: that's what I do. It's Mary Harper's fault. I wasn't.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I had no role. Yes I did. I had all
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: the rolls with ham and cheese. But I don't worry
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: about that every day. And I used to squish him in.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Remember that you wouldn't even know this, you too, because
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: you're too young. But in the old days are sixty
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: year old. In the old days, back in the seventies,
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: we used to have a thing called a jaffalin. Oh yeah,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, they're the best. And you would two bits
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: of bread and you'd fill it with stuff and then
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: it'd be round. This thing would be round to make
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: like a flying saucer shape toasted singer. You cut the
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: crust off and throw that shit away. Fuck the crusts,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: and then you know what I used. I shouldn't talk
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: about this because I feel like I might go up
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: to seven to eleven and buy a pie straight after
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: the show. But what I used to do was, by
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: the way, everybody don't do as I do, Okay. I
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: used to get so white bread. Of course I did
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: fill it with Mary's bolonnaise sauce and then grated cheese
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: right so you'd butter the bread on the outside. Then
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: it'd be full with bolonnaise, sauce and tasty cheese. Was
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: like the closest thing to cocaine that I ever had.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Did you burn your mouth? Do you burn your skin
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: off the roof of your mouth? Nocky tonight, But it's
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: actually want a big chunk off the top of my men?
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Well, that's God teaching you a lessons, says me, God spokesperson.
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Now, I used to nearly fucking inhale three of my
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: fingers shoveling that shit in. I was so excited. And
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: then what I would do is I would make one.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: So this is literally what I did, because I used
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: to get home before Ron and Mary because back in
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: the old days when kids just let themselves in what
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: do they call them latchkey kids or something, And I'd
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: get home at four and just go into a fucking
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: caloric frenzy for about an hour and then try and
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: let myself debrief a bit so that I could eat
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: whatever Mary was making for dinner. So I would try
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: to get rid of all of the evidence of the
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: aforementioned jaffel, but Mum would come in. The whole joint
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: would smell like toasted sandwiches and old sauce. You like,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: did you make yourself for daffl? I might a little bit,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: a little one. What do you mean a little one?
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, she goes, well, there are only one size.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: You can't make a little one. So nonetheless I kept
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: doing it. Anyway, enough about my childhood eating addiction. So
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: what would you go call? What would your one food be?
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: Pasta of any sort? And just throw it at me?
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Really if you had to pick one though, Like do
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: you like creamy sauces or meat sauces, garlic.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: Meat meat saucer, lasagna, bolonnaise?
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: Yep, all right, yep, yep, tiff those cookies, pistachio cookie.
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah that's true, but have you tried have you tried
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: pistachio pasta?
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: It sounds terrible? Oh yep, yeah maybe maybe maybe. Yeah,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: you know I have this because I eat lots of
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: roasted almonds. So my sweets quite often is vanilla yogurt
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: at night with roasted almonds, and it's kind of sweet
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: and crunchy, and it's definitely not cheesecake or yoki or
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: those fucking cookies or chocolate. But over here at fucking
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Sad Sack Central, you know, my dopamine goes off like
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: a frog and a sock. I just pretend, I pretend
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: I'm having an indulgence. I'm like, oh, look at me,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: fucking nuts and yogurt, you crazy bastard, Look at me.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Go It's no fucking jaffle with cheese and whole sauce,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: is it. It's how sad I've become. Oh yeah, but
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: at least you'll live a long time. But you'll wear
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: a miserable cunt. But you'll live to two hundred though, fuck.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: The misery might get you sooner.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: That's hilarious. So officially, welcome to the show, Kelly. It's
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: good to see you. For those of you who have
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: met Kelly before, She's was just a listener and I
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: don't say were just was. She was a listener who
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: bumped into me at the gym. We bumped into each
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: other we got to know each other, and she said
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: one day something like could I ask you some questions
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: on the show? And I went fucking pushy. But turns
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: out quite good, quite good. So she's back, she's back.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Have you been doing been doing anythinking?
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: Thinking?
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: Well, you put up a post this morning of your book,
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: this one which actually have the twenty Questions for humans,
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: And this is from when I was just a listener
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: and I came along.
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: To do a bit of a preread. So I've got
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: the autograph in there and everything. It's that was.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: A fun day because I don't know, do you know
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: this story TIF where I wrote the book and I
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: wanted people to read it, proof read it, edit it,
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: scribble all over it. And I thought I can't get
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: any more brutal feedback than twenty strangers. So I got
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: twenty people to come to my then office. Was that
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: up in Marabin or was that yeah? Yeah? Yeah? And
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: I had twenty people that were followers or friends or whatever.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: I don't think even anyone that I really personally knew,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: if maybe one or two, and they all read the book.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: Because a short book, you can read it, if you're
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: a fast reader, you can read it in an hour.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: If you're slow, it's probably an hour and a half.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: But then if you're really trying to consume it and
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: dissect it and correct it and give me feedback, it
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: probably took a couple of hours.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: Col Yeah, I think it was about two hours.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: And I gave everybody a red pen and a draft copy,
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: and their job was to write all over it, well
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: right wherever they felt necessary in red pen. And it
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: was good. It was like I had twenty editors at
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: once and everyone got a free book when it came
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: out and assigned a copy, and yeah, so it was
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: win win.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: That was my copy. It was It was really fun.
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: And that was when I was literally just a listener,
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: didn't know you at all, and it was a great experience.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: But it did.
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: So I've got a few questions today because you just said,
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: ask whatever you want and I was like, great, let's go.
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: But I did think, given that there's twenty on here
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: and we're coming up to the tail end of the year,
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: I'm curious as to what you if people would pick
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: just one question from the book, what would you what.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Would you suggest if they would. I don't know, I
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: don't have them in front of me, but off the
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: top of my house. Should know them all off by heart.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: But I'm going to say I think, like, like, why
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: do I say yes when I should say no? I
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: think a lot of people do that, kind of people
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: pleasing stuff. I mean, these are the ones that resonate
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: for me. Obviously, the one at the end, I think
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: it's the last one is what's the meaning of life?
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Which is really it's really meant to be, like, what's
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: the meaning of my life? And it's more about it's
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: not that there's obviously a categoric answer to that, but
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: rather that that's a good thing to think about, like
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: what does my life mean? What does it represent? What
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: is you know, it's kind of insects with that, what
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: is my purpose? And all that? Let me have a
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: look what's my life?
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: I do?
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: You know this sounds weird because I wrote it, but
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: like I like all of them, Like what's my life
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: telling me? I love that question because like, we're always
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: producing results, we're always producing data, So I think it's
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: that's a good question. Number two, what are my core values?
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: How do I live in alignment? What do I self say? Yeah?
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Probably number one, what's my life telling me? I think
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: maybe like question fourteen is not a particularly clever or
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: mind blowing question, but I think it's a really important question.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: And the question is am I ready to do the work?
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: And I just think that all the other questions are
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: redundant if the answer to fourteen is not yes, And
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I mean actually really no bullshit, yes, not just I'm
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: going to say yes because someone's listening. And I feel
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: like for many people, the answer to am I genuinely
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: ready to roll up my sleeves, do the work? Embrace
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: the suck, get uncomfortable, keep doing it, not give up,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: show up every fucking day, deal with the discomfort, Embrace
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: the delaying of gratification, all that shit. I think the
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: answer truly is for most people because they love the
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: idea of change and growth. But we know that you
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: know the process, the journey is for a while at least,
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: all the UN's as we've spoken about, uncomfortable, et cetera.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: So yeah, but we by the way, everybody, if you're thinking,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: this is not a promo for this book, because I
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: don't even know if we have any copies, so it's
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: definitely not a thinly or badly disguised promo for the book.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: But what about you kel, what's If you go into
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: my Instagram, you'll see the book. If you want to
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: pick one question that you think like sticks out for you, kel,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: what would your one or two be?
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: So very recently, I think for me it's question fifteen,
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: and that is what is my body telling me? That's
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: because I've had a bit of a health thing going
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: on where I was getting these insane migraines and it
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: was a bit it freaked them out a little bit,
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: and it goes back to the uns and then the overs.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: So I was uncertain as to what was going on.
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: Yes, I had to go for an MRI, which is
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: extremely fun. Anyone's had one of those because there's a
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: bit of dodgy brain history in the family. And so
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: of course the overthinking kicked in. I'm like, oh, far out,
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: this is it. It's going to be the worst case scenario.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: It's not.
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: Turns out I've got a bit of a vertebrae that's
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: out and my chiropractor is fixing it. So best case scenario.
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: But it was you know, what's my body telling me?
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: And there was a lot of stress built up, and
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: there was a lot of not actually looking after basic
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: things like my posture.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: So that was a big question. Yeah, yeah, so that
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: was a big question. And then what do I need
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: to stop doing?
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: And that, to me really aligns with are you ready
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: to do the work? Because stopping doing a lot of
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: things can be harder than starting to do a lot
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: of new things. So, yeah, you know when you've been
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: so used to having a certain behavior for so long
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: and then you go, it's not it's not helping me,
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: it's not helping me grow and learn, and you guys
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: need to stop it. But you might be surrounded by
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: people who are enabling that behavior.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, so those two Yeah cool? Uh, Tiffany Reckon,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: There's two.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: That stick out for me.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: One we talked about this yesterday when we recorded what
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: am I core values and how do I live in alignment?
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Mmmmm.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: And the other one is the am I efficient or
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: just busy, because I've spent a lot of time being
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: just busy, and I think you can you can just
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: repeat the habit of that and recreate it in a
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: new version of busy, telling yourself, Oh, I'm going to
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: do things better this time.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so true. Yeah. I felt in the last
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: six years with my study that there were times when
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: I was busy and I was chaos, but I wasn't
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: really getting a lot done. But I think that comes
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: with being involved in something where you don't have a
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: high level of skill. You know. It's like, you think
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: now about how well you can produce and edit a
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: podcast and produce reels and create stuff for Instagram or
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: whatever social media platform, and you can do awesome stuff
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: in a few minutes that used to take you an
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: hour that wasn't as good as you can produce now.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: And yes, the tech has evolved and all of that,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: but yeah, you just become you just become better. But
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: I do think I do think a lot of people
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: almost pride themselves on the busy badge too. It's like it's, well,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: you know, it's like, how are you busy? Right? Okay,
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: that doesn't really tell them, just kind of tells me
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: what you're doing. But yeah, I think I think all
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: of them are solid questions that and if you don't
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: need to buy a book, everyone, you can just go
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: onto my website and you'll see the back of the book.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: I've literally got all the questions, which is probably a
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: stupid thing to do because essentially the key points of
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: the book are on the back cover, so fuck it,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: just take a screenshot of the back cover and then
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: figure out the rest, you know. But I certainly think
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: they're not a bad kind of starting point for more
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: for conversations and self explorations than absolute definitive answers or
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: a map for anybody individually, because you know, what's awesome
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: for me won't be awesome for the next person, and
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: vice versa. So that's even in the middle of all
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: this data and feedback and thinking and asking of questions
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: and exploring of concepts, we've still got to relate that
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: because it's not like, oh, there's one best way to
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: be effective, or there's one best way to interpret the
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: data from our body, and there's one best way to
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: create our optimal life, and there's you know, there's a
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: million ways. And it's like we've spoken before about, you know,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: for me, a great job is one where I don't
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: have a boss, one where there's no absolute definitive protocol
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: or routine, one where there's lots of flexibility and even
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: lots of uncertainty. I ironically love the uncertainty. I like
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: not knowing what's going to happen next year. If I
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: knew exactly kind of step by step what was going
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: to happen next year, I'd lose excitement and focus. So
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: for me going into a new year with a whole
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: lot of uncertainty and unknown, thinking, well, I could make
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: a bit of dough or a lot of dough, I
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: could do great shit, or I could crash and burn,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: or I might run some really successful events, or I
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: might not, or I might write another book, or I
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: might not, or I love I love that. But that
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: just works for me and maybe a little bit for you, Tiff,
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: But I don't know that it would for a lot
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: of people.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: When did you write that book?
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Maybe twenty twenty, I don't know. What does it say?
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Kel twenty nineteen, twenty nineteen?
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: What would you.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Add to.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Say? Again?
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: What would you add to that? Would you add any questions?
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: Not to come to me? Off the top of my head?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: You know, I'd probably make it more sweary. No, No,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: I'm actually writing another book now, and I love the
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: idea of the new book. I can't Melissa's totally reprimanded
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: me from talking about the concept or because it's very
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: different and I've written quite a bit of it, and yeah,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: and so yeah, I hope that I will push that
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: out of the literary nest kind of mid next year
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: and wrap some marketing and PR and all of that
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: stuff around it and get a few bums on seats
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: and do workshops and sell a few copies. But we'll
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: see what happens. But everything starts with an idea. All right, Kel,
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: I'm ready.
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: So I'm interested in what you just said though, about
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: being excited about uncertainty, because that's something that I absolutely
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: do not resonate with, Like uncertainty scares the shit out
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: of me, and that's when my over is kicking. So
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: can you explain what it's like to feel that excitement
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: about the uncertainty and why that's a good thing for you?
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I think the unknown and the
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: uncertain and the unfamiliar has been a place that I've
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: existed a lot of my life. Setting up my first business,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: setting up the first personal training center in Australia, starting
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: my podcast, failing, starting another one, failing, starting another one, failing,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: starting the U Project, which was the fourth endeavor, doing
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: hundreds of speaking gigs that were somewhere between complete shit
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: and average. But out of all of those trials and
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: tribulations came a lot of really good stuff, like I
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: don't seem to thrive when I'm comfortable. I seem to
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: thrive when I'm uncomfortable. I seem to thrive and grow
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: and learn and become a better version of me in
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: the middle of the shit, you know, which I don't
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: know if that's a good or a bad thing. And
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: of course there are moments where right then, in that moment,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not enjoying it at all. But you know, it's
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: like when I started a PhD, I knew that. I
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: knew it wouldn't be a fun process. I knew that,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: and it hasn't been like day to day doing the stuff,
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: it isn't enjoyable. And that's not being disparaging or being negative.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: It's just that every PhD student and researcher and graduate,
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: depending on what they did, but you know, most of
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: them will say, while I'm really glad I did it,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I learned and it's amazing and it's great journey, it's
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: also a fucking horrible journey most of the time because
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: you're under immense pressure and you're learning as you're going,
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: and it's a very very steep learning curve and not
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: only learning about the subject matter that you're researching and
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: interpreting the data and writing papers and figuring out what
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: the data that you've got through your studies and research
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: and participants equals. But you're also, in my case, you're
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: learning how to speak that language, how to write that language,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: how to do like how do I do a PhD?
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Irrespective of what am I studying? But how do I
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: do one? How do I? Like? What does ethical approval mean?
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: How do I get that? What do I? Who do I?
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: You know, Like I started at fifty six, I'm like, oh,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: who do I email about that? Or you know? What is?
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: You know? How do I? How do I reference things?
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: How do I do all these in text citations? How
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: do I? You know? Because that that can be automated,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: But I'm like, well, I can't even automate making toasts,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: so as if I'm going to fucking figure that out,
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: you know. But it's six years down the track and
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I'm nearly done, and it's been good. But I love
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: that that. I would like to go do something next year.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Also not I want to do all the other stuff,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: but I definitely will go do something again.
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: That's hard, That's cool, I'd had a conversation with Tiff
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: about this and I've said, you know, I, for me,
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: going back to UNI is one of the most terrifying
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: things because I've done it twice, and yeah, it was
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: it was hard, it was scary, it was so unfamiliar
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: and unknown. Really happy that I did it, but for
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: a certain amount of time I would actually have nightmares
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: about being in like.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: Lecturcals in tutorials and.
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: The I think TIF you helped me reframe it by saying,
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: you know, was it the actual the learning or is
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: it the kind of the environment or the situation or
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: what I was like at the time, And I kind
• 23:07
  Speaker 4: of landed on, well, it's what I was like at
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: the time, So potentially maybe I would go back and
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: do something not right now, but maybe.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: And also keeping in mind that is the situation or
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: the challenge or the objective practical reality of the task
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: scaring me? Or am I scaring myself? Is it my
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: story about all of that, right? Because if that process
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: was objectively scary, then everyone who did it would be scared.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: Absolutely ended, It's totally my story.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: So exactly, you need to go, well, what is the
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: story that you're telling yourself? You know, it's like, well,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: it's not I don't mean to sound cliche, but it's
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: not cancy you're dealing with. It's not a spinal cord injury.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: You don't live in poverty, you don't live in a
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: war zone. Yeah, on the scale of what could happen
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: to a human, do you know what I mean? And
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: that's how I do it. I reframe and I go, like,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: some of the things that I do, people go, oh,
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: you're a fucking trojan. That's so hard. I don't know.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: And then I go, I think about what other people
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: that I know go through, and my hardshit's not even
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: a two out of ten on their scale. You know.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: It's like, well, because hard or easy, it's not an
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: objective constant. It's a subjective variable, you know what I mean. Now,
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: you could get up one day and do something and
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: you feel fucking amazing, and you've had a great night's sleep,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: and you feel confident and someone said something nice, you've
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: got a bit of dopamine going. You're in the zone,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: and you do something that's pretty tricky, but it's like
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: a two out of ten hard and you just bang it.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: You just do it, And then a few days later,
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: you do the same thing. You feel like dogshit, and
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: it's an eight out of ten hard right. But the
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: variable is not the thing. It's you, And so that
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: the thing is not how do I change that that
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: practical process or situational context or environment or or academic journey,
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: or but rather how do I manage me around that?
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Because it's really never about the thing. It's always about
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: our story about the thing. Because if it was always
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: about the thing, the stimulus, the challenge, the objective process,
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: everyone would have the same reaction, and they don't.
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: You know, I've never actually thought about it that way,
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: and yet it makes the most sense because yeah, I'm
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: totally aware that it's it's what I tell myself, but
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: I've never put it into that context. And even so,
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: I was driving home after leaving the wonderful MRI experience,
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: and I thought far out, what if what if something
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: is actually wrong? Thank God there wasn't, but what if
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: How would I how would I approach the next day
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: if something was actually wrong? And I thought, well, there's
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: all of these things that I would do, and there's
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: all of this, you know, I guess how I would
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: hold myself and carry myself in my day to day,
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: and I thought, well, why on earth am I waiting
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: for some kind of bad news in order to think
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: that I would do that? And it was this like
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: literally driving down North Road in the sunshine, going yeah,
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: this is this is a complete reframe moment where I
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: can just do this anyway. So rather than telling myself
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: that continual story of oh, well, I've got to wait
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: until the right time, or I've got to wait until
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: the wind blows in the right direction before I change anything, no,
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: I can just do it.
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: And it was this moment of.
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: I guess clarity that you don't have to wait for
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: a bad thing, be absolutely one hundred percent grateful that
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: there is no bad thing, and just get on with it.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's funny how, you know, when we
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: get scared or when we think something bad is happening
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: or could happen, we have a shift in perspective right now,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: you know. And I had it a couple of months ago.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: I thought I had like prostate cancer, I thought I
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: had diabetes. I thought I had all these things because
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: I had constant thirst. I was weeing seventeen hundred and
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: forty two times a day. You know, all this old
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: manshit was happening and what so I'd nailed it that,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: like I had, Like I went to the doctor. He goes,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: what are you reckons going on? And I said this,
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: I reckon, I've got diabetes and or prostate issues or
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: da da da da, And he went, why do you
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: think that? And I presented my case like a perfect
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: kind of health lawyer, and he went, well, it's maybe,
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: but let's do some let's do some wei tests and
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: some blood tests. And I was completely fucking wrong, like
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: one hundred percent wrong. I had an infection in my head, right,
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: and that was causing all the symptoms that you know,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: the wing and the cognitive decline. There was like my
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: brain wasn't working as well because I had an infection
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: in my head and like a whole lot of you know,
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: and a whole lot of stuff, right. But it's like,
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: and when I got that news, I was so happy,
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, look at me. I'm not dying.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: I'm not dying anytime soon, well hopefully, you know, and
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I don't have a disease and I don't. And it's
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: it's funny that in the context of something else, right,
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: you know, where oh you could have Kelly. You could
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: have gone and got some really bad news, but you
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: pretty much got the best news, which is, yeah, you've
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: got an issue, but it's compared to what it could
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: have been. It's a fucking zero, right, And then we're happy,
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: Then we're glad, then we're grateful, then with this, then
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: with that. But imagine if we found a way to
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: manipulate our personerspective every day every day, so every day
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: you went, hey, I can walk. Fuck, I can get
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: out of a chair and I can walk, and if
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: I have to, I can run. And also I can
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: push a button and there's air conditioning, and I can
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: push another button and there's heat. And also look over here,
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: I've got a fridge with food. And also I can
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: turn on this tap and hot water comes out. Also
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: I've got a bed. Also I live in a safe space.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Or you know, it's like, oh my god, there are
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: so many things that are fucking amazing. Forget money, forget brand,
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: forget you know, sexy cars or whatever. But there's just
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: shit that you and I have at our disposal and
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: tiff every day. Which I know many people, I know
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: more than ten people who would love to be able
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: to do what we totally take for granted most of
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: the time. And so what's the antidote to that good question?
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: The antidote to that which sounds cheesy, but it is
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: a daily practice, daily practice, not daily for three days,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: daily for the rest of your life, practice of gratitude.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Every day, I'm grateful I can walk every day. I'm
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: grateful I live where I live. Every day. I'm grateful
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: my mum and dad are alive. Every day. I'm grateful
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: I can turn on a tap and get clean, fresh,
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: cold water, because about two billion people in the world
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: can't do that. I don't live on three dollars a
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: day or less. I don't, you know. So there's just
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: so much shit where when you look at your life
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: and your experience and your situation through a lens of gratitude,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: but really not rah rah feel good, fucking let's walk
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: on hot coals and you know, chant bullshit, but really
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: you look at life through lens of I am the
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: luckiest motherfucker I am. Call it luck, call it a blessing,
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: call it whatever you want to call it, Call it
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: a gift. You know, like I truly think that, you know,
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: And every day I see Johnny every day or every
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: time I see my friend Joel, who tiff knows, who
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: lives in a wheelchair, every time I see lots of
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: people that I know that are either battling cancer or
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: the dealing with a significant disability, I just realize that
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I'm through nothing that I've done, Like I didn't deserve this.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: I'm just lucky I didn't earn I didn't earn it,
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: and they didn't earn the wheelchair or the brain injury
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: or the spinal cord injury or the cancer diagnosis. Like
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: shit just happens. And so you know, there are times
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: when I annoy myself for being a fucking winger when
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: in the context of real problems, I have none.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: Do you know?
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: There was a podcast earlier this year, one of yours,
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: and it was about this, and I was having a.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: Pretty rough time then.
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: So I made a wallpaper for my phone that actually
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: says Gratitude is the antidote. And I had it there
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: for months as this daily reminder that absolutely that is
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: that is what helps, That is what can fix the
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: mindset and the perspective every day.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: And I still have it saved to when I need
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: to go back to it. And it really it was
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: just a daily reminder that helped me.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, when you think about like, I don't want
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: to be melodramatic, but right now my dad's not awesome,
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: right He's got some health issues.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: And.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: It's like nothing. If somebody said, hey, Craig, I want
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: all your stuff, like all the stuff you own, everything,
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: all the stuff you own, but I'm going to give
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: your dad one awesome healthy year, I'd be like, where
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: do I sign? Like in a second, I'd live in
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: a fucking tent. I do not care. I go give
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: me that bit of paper.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: It's like in the context of what really matters, What
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: really matters to me are people that I love. What
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: really matters is my dad, is my mum. You know.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: It's like yeah, and you go, oh oh so. And
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: that's not to say that having things is bad, but
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I think when certain things arise in our life, like tragedy,
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: like illness, like you know, certain relationships ending, or certain
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: people passing away, or like the last month or two
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: in my life, there's just been a ridiculous amount of
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: people dying, you know, like like two of my friends
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: have had very close people to them, very close in
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: the last four weeks die and my next door neighbor
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: right here. I want to say her name, but lovely
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: lady and her daughter died unexpectedly, and you know, and
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god. It's like and then in
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: that moment when I talk to them, I just want
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: to I just want to make it better. I can't,
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: but I just I don't want anything to distract me
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: from that moment with them, And I just you know,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: when you're like, what can I do? What can I do?
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: I can't really do anything. I can just be here
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: and love you and give you attention and give you
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: energy and yeah, so again. But I think the challenge
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: is when you know things are going pretty good, to
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: be honest, but in the middle of pretty good, we
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: still find stuff to bitch about and waste emotional and
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: mental energy on and tell ourselves stories of how fucking
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: hard it is. I'm like, you know, I don't want
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: to throw anyone under the bus, so I'll throw me
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: under the bus. But I'll tell you what. And I've
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: felt sorry for myself about fuck all, and it's like,
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: you know, it's just me inventing a problem.
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I've been there quite a number of times.
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: So probably my last question.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: Which would go pretty well with what you just said.
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: What's the biggest or most important thing that you've learned
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: this year?
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Wow, the biggest or most important thing that I have
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: learned this year? I think, I don't know. I feel
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: the answer. I don't know. But what comes to mind is,
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: and this is going to sound self indulgent, so I'm
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: scared to say it, but I don't mean it too.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: But lately I've had a lot of messages from people
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: telling me thank you for being you, and I'm like,
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: oh ah, sure, like and like what, I love a
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: lot of men, more men than women. Lately, I had
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: a guy write me a message yesterday morning. I wrote
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: back to him and I might read it to you, Well,
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: I won't. I won't buy you. I won't read it
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: on here, of course. But it was long and deep
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: and vulnerable and beautiful, and I'm like, like, he's talking
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: to me as though i'm his like a super duper
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: important person in his life. And I guess I've had
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: an awareness that I maybe just the awareness has increased
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: that I do have quite an impact on some people.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: And what a responsibility that is. I think That's what
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to say. It's it's a privilege and it's
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: a responsibility. So I need to be really careful because
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm a champion at taking the piss and
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: having fun and being silly, but I also need to
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: be really careful and mindful and aware about what I
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: say to whom and when and how. But yeah, just
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: that privilege of being held in high regard by people
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: and being able to help them without even knowing that
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: I'm helping them. You know. It's like even you you said,
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: I got this thing that you said from a podcast
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: earlier this year about you know, the solution or the
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: antidote is gratitude, and you wrote, It's like, I get
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: that all the time. I get that where people go.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: Your stuff is all over my house, But we've got
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: your stuff in my office at work. We've got whiteboards
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: copied printed. I've got your shit on my desk. I've
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: got like all the time. And strangers that you know,
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: not like five times a day, but at least once
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: or twice a week, somebody goes, harps, thanks for what
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: you do. Love you, You're great. Whatever you know. I'm
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: sure there are a couple that see me and want
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: to call me. I can't and tell me to fuck off,
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: but they don't because apparently I'm intimidating. But anyway, but yeah,
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: so maybe that maybe just the impact that I have
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: on people more than I thought, but also the responsibility
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: because it's kind of a it's not a burden, but
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: it's a it's something that weighs heavy that I'm I'm
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: showing up in a way that serves people. Really. Yeah,
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: so yeah, what about you, cook? Have you had a
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: revelation this year? Do you know what she said before
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: everyone when we had a little break, just a micro break,
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: said that that the thing I've realized this year is
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: how great she is. That's what she wanted me to say.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: But just giving you a prompt, I thought that's what
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: you were trying. I thought was on the tibia tongue.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he thought that's what I was like.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: I could just feel the energy of it, so I
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: thought I'd put it out there. I was just sooner
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: later I guess something in life was going to prove
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: me wrong. And that was the moment.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah you go, okay, but I wouldn't say you were
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: the biggest revelation of the year. Yeah, it don't surprise
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: me that much is there either of you two something
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: this year that's been really if not like an overwhelmingly standout,
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: but something that springs to mind that's been a significant
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: awakening or awareness or lesson or insight for you that's
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: been valuable either of you.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: I don't think there's been anything that's I think for
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: me it's more of a it's more realizations of things
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: that you know theoretically, like I know and talk about
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: things theoretically all the time, and then you know, I
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: talked about how the start of this year, like my
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: life is very different this year to last year, but
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: my life is exactly the same. The only thing that
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: changed was my attitude and how I chose to view
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: it all. And I mean, that was just the most
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: profound experience. That is ridiculous because I literally talk about it.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: I talk about it, but I had to go and
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: get on a mountain and come home and change one
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: or two things. And next minute I went from oh,
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: I'm so busy, I'm always busy, and I can't this
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: and I can't that. In all of these cages I'd
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: put myself in, and then overnight I was sitting in
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: the same life, going fuck, how lucky am I like
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: all this freedom, all this stuff. Look what I get
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: to do? Who even gets to do this? I could
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: do whatever I want, whatever I want.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I have. Can I have a guess at something
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: that I think has been an awakening or a revelation
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: or a breakthrough for you? Maybe not. I could be
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: totally wrong, but I feel like for you, you've realized
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: that trusting some people is okay. Like I feel like
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: you've opened the trust door with people, because you know,
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: you did have that big fuck off sign on your
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: forehead for the first forty or so years. You know,
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: you did have that. There was that, But I feel
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: like you trust people more and you've probably I feel like, also,
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: what's the right term, you've softened a bit. You're a
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: bit less adversarial and hard and you're okay with you know,
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: you're still very strong and resilient, but I feel like
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: you've softened a little bit in terms of empathy and
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: you know, opening up to people a little bit.
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I feel that.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: I think you're right.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, col.
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: Biggest thing for me was learning to stop being scared,
• 41:52
  Speaker 4: so just being able to take the steps of you know, hey,
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: a you can I ask you some more questions or
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: you know, I'm going to.
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: Hit publish on this. I'm going to actually.
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: Share some things that I've written with people that I know,
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: which was the scariest thing ever and yet the most
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: rewarding thing.
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: So that's just how much I've held myself back.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: The funny thing about fear is you can't think your
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: way out of being scared. You can only act your
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: way out of being scared. You can only do your
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: way out of it, because it's in the doing of
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: the thing that scares you that the volume goes down
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: on the fear.
• 42:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you know, do you know I call it.
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: There's that story the bear hunt. You know, We're going
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: on a bear hunt, and you can't go over it,
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: you can't go under it, you can't go around it.
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: You've got to go through it.
• 42:50
  Speaker 4: And I just kind of it's really well, it's not silly,
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: but because it works for me. But I kind of
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: I think of that over and over when I'm absolutely
• 42:59
  Speaker 4: shit scared of doing something, and it's like, well, you've
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: got to go through it to get over it.
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: It's the only way, do you know.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: One of the most terrifying things for people who are
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: insecure and fearful and have self doubt and imposter syndrome
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: is standing in front of one hundred people or two
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: hundred people, knowing that not because they're bad, but that's
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: just the way humans work, that they are all literally
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: judging you, right like when you get up for the
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: first time and you're new, because we do it too,
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean we're looking for a problem or
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: we're being critical, but our immediate kind of go to
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: as humans is to try to figure out who the
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: fuck that is in front of us. Do I like them?
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: Do I not like them? Are they trustworthy? Are they smart?
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: Are they full of shit? Do I feel safe? Do
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: I feel unsafe? This is I mean, this is our brain,
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: the protector that's always trying to evaluate and ascertain and judge,
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: and you know, realizing when you start to figure out
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: how people work in minds work and brains work, and
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: you go, ah, I'm literally going to go stand in
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: front of a room and they won't remember much of
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: the first three minutes because all they're doing is evaluating
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: whether or not I'm a fucking idiot or worth listening to.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: You know, that's terrifying, But how do you get through
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: that well? You can't sit on the couch and read
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: a book and get through it. You can't talk to
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: someone else about it where you can, but that's not
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: going to alleviate the fear. It might give you another perspective,
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: which might help, but the only way that you get
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: through that fear is, you know, like you do with
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: your bare analogy, is you just go fucking show up
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: and you know, jump in and do the thing, and
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: know that some people won't like you, and some people
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: won't think you're great, and some people will yeah, cool, cool.
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: You know. I think I've said this ten times over
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: the years. But one of my in my first time
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: around at UNI, one of my supervisors, who is this
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: great old dude, he said, what did he say? Yeah,
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: if you don't if you want everyone to like you
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: and no one to dislike you, then say nothing, do nothing,
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: be nothing, and stand for nothing. Or basically was saying,
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: if you don't want anyone to dislike you, you know
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: because as soon as you have an opinion or an
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: idea or a story or a purpose, or you take
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: some action, you know that's gonna that's going to fly
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: with some people and not with others. And you can
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: you can be the best person with the best intentions,
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: doing the best work. There will absolutely be people that
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: for some reason do not like you, and so you've
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: got to prepare for that and that whole lot. It's
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: not fair, it's not yep, correct, it's not fair, but
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: it's super common. So I feel like I banged on
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: too much. Kel thanks for coming out to play. It's
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: nice to see you again.
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: That was great fun, Tiff, Thank you, Thanks Team.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: Chocolate.
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: I'm going to put my sign copy in the Facebook
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: group and see how much I can get for it.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, fucking hell. That's hurtful. But there's none left.
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: There's none left, So you know.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: Could you not do that? Because I know it's going
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: to be less than I'm going to get my mum
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: to bid.
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: This is actually, in all seriousness, it was a pivotal
• 46:21
  Speaker 4: moment for me because I was so still shit scared
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: of talking to you at the gym, and I remember,
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: just before going to do the read through of it,
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: you were there and you're like, have a good day,
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, I'm going to see you in like
• 46:36
  Speaker 4: half an hour and you're like, are you coming, And
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: I'm like yep.
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: And it was really cool. Yeah, it was great. It
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: was great. It was the start of it all.
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: You should have got to mention in the book as
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: one of the twenty editors. Next time. Thanks ladies.