Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #951 Bad Influence

Transcript

#951 Bad Influence · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now, we just love your questions. The emails that come
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  Speaker 2: through are so important about helping you to raise a
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  Speaker 2: happier family. Podcasts that's podcasts with an SS at Happy
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  Speaker 2: families dot com dot au Kylie, we've received an anonymous
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  Speaker 2: email somebody who well, we know who they are, but
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  Speaker 2: they don't want to be known because sometimes the things
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  Speaker 2: that we deal with in our families can be challenging
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  Speaker 2: and we just rather keeping to ourselves. But we need
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  Speaker 2: some advice.
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  Speaker 1: Can I be anonymous?
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  Speaker 2: Not now everyone knows you're you because I just said kite.
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  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry missus. Happy Families the Surprise voice. Could
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  Speaker 2: you please tell us? What is it that this wonderful
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  Speaker 2: mum who's trying to get this right wants to know?
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  Speaker 1: My eleven year old daughter loves makeup and loves doing
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  Speaker 1: crazy colorful eyeshadow looks. She's pretty good at it. She
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  Speaker 1: loves making videos on our iPad, and she's brought up
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  Speaker 1: recently about wanting to make YouTube videos. But I don't
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  Speaker 1: know if I want her all over social media like that,
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  Speaker 1: and she's not even a teenager. Yet the Internet can
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  Speaker 1: be a dark place and people can be nasty in
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  Speaker 1: their comments. Am I being reasonable? Or should I let
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  Speaker 1: her upload videos?
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  Speaker 2: I love this email. You can see a mom who
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  Speaker 2: really wants her daughter to embrace what she's enjoying. She
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  Speaker 2: wants to give her the platform and the opportunity to explore.
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  Speaker 2: And you can just see that eleven year old sitting
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  Speaker 2: in front of the camera saying, and now I'm doing this,
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  Speaker 2: and now I'm doing that, and she's getting so much
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  Speaker 2: mileage out of it. I mean, we can relate right.
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  Speaker 1: As you said that. I had a visual when my
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  Speaker 1: mom and dad got their first video recorder and I
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  Speaker 1: was in the lounge room with my cousins and we
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  Speaker 1: had turned the bin upside down and he had his
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  Speaker 1: drumsticks and he was doing dancing on the ceiling by lunch.
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  Speaker 2: What a feeling, And she.
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  Speaker 1: Caught on cameras I did a swirl, I threw my
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  Speaker 1: skirt up in the air and you could see my undies.
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  Speaker 1: I still remember it to this day.
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  Speaker 2: And your mum got stuck into you for that.
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  Speaker 1: No, no, she didn't get stuck to me. I just
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  Speaker 1: remember that that visual, and I'm so glad it's not
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  Speaker 1: on the internet.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so glad it's not on the Internet. Okay,
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  Speaker 2: So let's have a look at a snapshot of the
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  Speaker 2: real influence of social media creators on Z. Gen Z
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  Speaker 2: are the ones that were born in the late nineties
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  Speaker 2: three to the early twenty ten. So the oldest of
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  Speaker 2: them are in their mid twenties now, the youngest and
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  Speaker 2: they're around about twelve to fourteen. Just at the this
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  Speaker 2: young girl eleven, she's right on the very tail end
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  Speaker 2: of gen Z, maybe even stepping into what's known as
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  Speaker 2: Generation Alpha. Here's what we know. Eighty percent about gen
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  Speaker 2: z's are using social media more than once a day.
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  Speaker 2: Females and gen Z are higher social media users than
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  Speaker 2: males and the millennials respectively. We've got ninety two percent
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  Speaker 2: of gen Z females compared to eighty two percent of
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  Speaker 2: gen Z males and eighty eight percent of millennial females
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  Speaker 2: versus eighty percent of millennial males who are using social media.
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  Speaker 2: So this is this is where they live. Ninety plus
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  Speaker 2: percent of them are all hanging out right there. Tent
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  Speaker 2: three percent of our gen Z kids are following at
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  Speaker 2: least one influencer most of following many more, with sixty
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  Speaker 2: three percent following more than five and eighty seven percent
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  Speaker 2: of the influencer content every time or most of the
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  Speaker 2: time they're on social media. Now I get this because
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  Speaker 2: when I'm in schools talking to students, I will often
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  Speaker 2: be approached. They know that I was on TV. They
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  Speaker 2: know that I know a bunch of influencers. They know
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  Speaker 2: that I've had contact with them, although I'm absolutely not
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  Speaker 2: one myself. And the kids, especially the girls, go crazy, Kylie.
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  Speaker 2: They go crazy because I happen to know some of
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  Speaker 2: Australia's best known influencers. It's such a big deal for them.
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  Speaker 2: And this is the critical thing. In relation to our
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  Speaker 2: anonymous emailers' letter, more than half of gen zed Australians
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  Speaker 2: fifty five percent said that they would leave their job
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  Speaker 2: to become an influencer if they had the chance. That's
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  Speaker 2: according to data from the Behavioral Architects, which was commissioned
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  Speaker 2: exclusively for The Australian this time last year, around about
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  Speaker 2: nine or twelve months ago. So here's the thing. The
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  Speaker 2: Internet is like the wild West. It's essentially unregulated. Congress
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  Speaker 2: in the US is not doing anything to protect our kids.
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  Speaker 2: The Australian government is doing very little as well, although
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  Speaker 2: the Safety Commissioner is doing her best. And here's what
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  Speaker 2: I would say to this mum. Your daughter, at age
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  Speaker 2: eleven is simply too young to navigate what I'm going
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  Speaker 2: to call absolutely, unquestionably treacherous terrain. Social media platforms are
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  Speaker 2: notorious breeding grounds for toxicity and bullying, and this is
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  Speaker 2: especially the case for young and vulnerable individuals like this
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  Speaker 2: eleven year old. But it's not just toxicity. I think
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  Speaker 2: this is a dangerous, a dangerous move.
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  Speaker 1: Last week on This Week in Parenting.
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  Speaker 2: I love that episode about this week in Parenting.
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  Speaker 1: This Week in Parenting, all right, very on we shared
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  Speaker 1: the finding in a recent New York Times investigations which
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  Speaker 1: looked into young girl influencer accounts, which are usually run
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  Speaker 1: by their mums, right, And they found overwhelming evidence that
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  Speaker 1: those girls were receiving attention from pedophiles and they're often
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  Speaker 1: being encouraged by their mums.
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  Speaker 2: Get like the men with bad ideas are being encouraged,
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  Speaker 2: not the girls, although the girls being encouraged as well.
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  Speaker 1: And the challenge you have is that to be TikTok
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  Speaker 1: or insta famous, right, it requires the need for likes
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  Speaker 1: and engagement and comments, right, and with that it means
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  Speaker 1: that parents and kids will do whatever is necessary to
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  Speaker 1: boost those followers in order to score brand names and to.
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  Speaker 2: Earn the money. Yeah, and you know the scary thing
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  Speaker 2: about this, Kylie. The New York Times investigation showed that
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  Speaker 2: when parents who are trying to look after their kids
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  Speaker 2: and do the right thing while building this brand, when
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  Speaker 2: they would block or delete or report people who are absolutely,
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  Speaker 2: absolutely just dirty and dangerous, the social media platforms stop boosting,
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  Speaker 2: stop elevating, stop putting the influencer in front of people.
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  Speaker 2: In other words, the account essentially withers on the vine.
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  Speaker 1: Well, the evidence is there that if your daughter is
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  Speaker 1: in those situations, those risks are definite. Yeah, they're guarantee,
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  Speaker 1: They're absolutely guaranteed they're going to find themselves in those positions.
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  Speaker 1: I know, saying no sounds really easy, but if you're
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  Speaker 1: chasing numbers, it's not so.
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  Speaker 2: Especially once it starts to build. You get that momentum
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  Speaker 2: and you think, oh no, we've got to maintain and
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  Speaker 2: otherwise we're going to drop and we're going to lose
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  Speaker 2: the sponsorships and the opportunities. As a parent, you've got
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  Speaker 2: one job. Now, I know that not everybody successful in
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  Speaker 2: what I'm about to say, in spite of their very
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  Speaker 2: best efforts, and so this is not a shaming comment,
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  Speaker 2: but I really want to be clear about this. As
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  Speaker 2: a parent, your job is to god your kids to
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  Speaker 2: make decisions that are safe and healthy, particularly particularly while
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  Speaker 2: they are neurologically immature. That prefrontal cortex is not sufficiently developed.
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  Speaker 2: They can't plan and strategize. They're not looking to the future.
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  Speaker 2: They just see the thing in front of them. And
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  Speaker 2: when it comes to being an influencer, it's all about
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  Speaker 2: rainbows and balloons and confetti and fireworks. It looks so exciting.
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  Speaker 2: And our job, therefore is to work through these hard
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  Speaker 2: questions with kids in ways that make sense to them.
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  Speaker 2: And that means not being afraid to be the authority
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  Speaker 2: figure in your child's life when you need to, when
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  Speaker 2: it's necessary.
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  Speaker 1: She's eleven, This is absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: This is necessary. Now. If you proceed, If you proceed
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  Speaker 2: and say, hey, sweetheart, you're eleven, let's chase influencer status.
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  Speaker 2: Let's go there, you place your daughter in the firing
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  Speaker 2: line of unsavory comments that could impact herself esteem.
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  Speaker 1: And I don't think you can say could they will
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  Speaker 1: absolutely once you put yourself in that position.
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  Speaker 2: Guaranteed.
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  Speaker 1: It's absolutely a guarantee because the only reason that post
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  Speaker 1: exists is because you want to be accepted, you want
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  Speaker 1: to be liked, and you want to be seen.
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  Speaker 2: So the impact on self esteem, the impact on mental
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  Speaker 2: health and well being, and then there's the pedos from
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  Speaker 2: cyberbullying through the potential exploitation by strangers. These risks are real,
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  Speaker 2: they're significant. As a responsible parent, so your duty to
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  Speaker 2: shielded from these dangers until she is mature enough and
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  Speaker 2: equipped enough to be able to handle them.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just going to put it out there. Who is
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  Speaker 1: mature and equipped enough to deal with and handle all
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  Speaker 1: of those unsavory comments exploitation? Who who are they?
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  Speaker 2: Okay, fair point, you win on that one. I don't
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  Speaker 2: even think many adults deal without adults.
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  Speaker 1: I don't deal with that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, fair core.
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  Speaker 1: Additionally, once something's out there in cyberspace, it's out there.
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  Speaker 1: You can't erase it. And like I said at the
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  Speaker 1: very beginning, I'm so glad that mean whip took my
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  Speaker 1: skirt up while I was dancing as a six year
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  Speaker 1: old is not plastered all.
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  Speaker 2: Over the internet. Yeah, So there's that permanence thing, right,
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  Speaker 2: There's that permanence where if it's out there, it's out there,
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  Speaker 2: it doesn't come down.
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  Speaker 1: Sadly, it could actually affect future prospects. It's out there,
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  Speaker 1: and once it's out there, it doesn't disappear.
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  Speaker 2: Just because of some ill conceived YouTube videos that she
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  Speaker 2: made as a child. Okay, one more really important thing.
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  Speaker 2: If your daughter dives head first into this world of
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  Speaker 2: social media and TikTok and Instagram influencing and YouTube and
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  Speaker 2: so on, what ends up happening is she just marinates
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  Speaker 2: in this message that her worth becomes tied to the
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  Speaker 2: likes and the views and the comments, and that becomes
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  Speaker 2: a recipe for major challenges.
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  Speaker 1: As a mum or one of my main emphasis with
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  Speaker 1: my children is helping them to listen to their own voice.
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  Speaker 1: When we start seeking validation from strangers, this becomes really
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  Speaker 1: unhealthy for our kids and they actually dilute their own.
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  Speaker 2: Voice, right, And this is particularly the case with the
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  Speaker 2: power of YouTube. It's one of the world's biggest search engines.
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  Speaker 2: It is the world's biggest streamer, it's a biggest stream
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  Speaker 2: of the Netflix. YouTube has more streams than any other
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  Speaker 2: platform on the planet, leveraging that to amplify her taking
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  Speaker 2: this path. Really, it's threading the finest of needles. Now,
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  Speaker 2: I know that some people have done it successfully. I
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  Speaker 2: actually know some of the people who have done it.
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  Speaker 2: And I also know that every girl wishes that she
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  Speaker 2: could have the fame and the instant success and the
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  Speaker 2: hashedags that are path like this promises. But for me,
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  Speaker 2: as a dad to six daughters, I just don't think
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  Speaker 2: the risks are worth it. So my advice is stay
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  Speaker 2: away taking this pathway. It's going to teach girls that
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  Speaker 2: the value lies in physical beauty and the approval of others.
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  Speaker 2: Not healthy. We need to talk about what to do instead.
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  Speaker 1: When I look at this situation and I see this
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  Speaker 1: young girl who has this creative flare for all all
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  Speaker 1: things make up and bright colors, my role as a
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  Speaker 1: mum is to help develop and grow that creativity, to
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  Speaker 1: encourage it, and to create opportunities for her to be
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  Speaker 1: able to do that in a safe environment. So if
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  Speaker 1: it was me, I'd be bringing around a couple of friends.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe it's your girlfriends and she takes you through some
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  Speaker 1: makeup tutorials herself. Maybe she does make some videos and
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  Speaker 1: you have cousins and nannties and uncles come over, and
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  Speaker 1: you have a movie night, and you get to see
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  Speaker 1: all of the different tutorials that she's created. Maybe you
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  Speaker 1: enroll her in makeup classes so that she can actually
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  Speaker 1: further the talents and the creative flair that she's developing.
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  Speaker 1: Find avenues so that you can scaffold the love that
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  Speaker 1: she has in a way that keeps her safe and
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  Speaker 1: help her develop characteristic traits and qualities that are in
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  Speaker 1: line with an eleven year old. She's eleven, Let her
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  Speaker 1: be eleven for just a little bit longer.
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• 11:59
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• 12:16
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• 12:19
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• 12:24
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