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Healing Sacred Wounds with SC Nealy · The Trauma Therapist

0:00
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Trauma Therapist Podcast. My name is Gaming Person.
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Speaker 1: I interview incredible people who've dedicated their lives to helping
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Speaker 1: those who've been impacted by trauma. A big thank you
0:11
Speaker 1: to our sponsors and our guests who are supporting this show.
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Speaker 1: So five four, three, two and one, our folks, welcome
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Speaker 1: back to the podcast. Very excited to have as my
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Speaker 1: guest today, Doctor sc Neelie SC Welcome, Thank.
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Speaker 2: You, thank you for having me. I'm actually not a doctor,
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Speaker 2: just at LPC okay.
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Speaker 1: SC is a trauma informed psychotherapist, educator, and advocate specializing
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Speaker 1: in religious trauma, complex developmental and sexual trauma, couples in
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Speaker 1: queer non binary relationships, and neurodiversity affirming therapy. With more
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Speaker 1: than fifteen years of experience, they founded the LGBTQ Plus
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Speaker 1: Counseling Collaborative in the Washington DC area and serve as
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Speaker 1: clinical director, landing a team of queer and gender diverse therapists.
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Speaker 1: A direct, compassionate approach supports clients in unpacking past harm.
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Speaker 1: We claim an identity healing across the gender and sexuality spectrum.
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Speaker 1: All right, I see just a little bit about you.
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Speaker 1: But before we going share with the listeners where you're
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Speaker 1: from originally and where you are currently, and then we'll
1:18
Speaker 1: dive in.
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Speaker 2: I always like answer two different things to that, as
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Speaker 2: I feel like you have your childhood where are you from?
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Speaker 2: And then your adult where are you from? And I
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Speaker 2: only resonate with my adult where am I from? So
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Speaker 2: I always say, like the Washington, DC area, even though
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Speaker 2: I didn't grow up here as a child, Like, this
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Speaker 2: is where I grew up as a human, and so
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Speaker 2: this is my home.
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Speaker 1: Okay, So let's dive in. How did this journey start
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Speaker 1: for you?
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Speaker 2: Well, when I was a kid, And I guess this
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Speaker 2: kind of ties into what I was just saying. When
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Speaker 2: I was a kid, I grew up in a very
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Speaker 2: like evangelical conservative cult setting in a very rural area
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Speaker 2: in Virginia, and the impact of that was lifelong and
2:00
Speaker 2: will continue to be. As I got older and was
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Speaker 2: able to entangle myself from a lot of those experiences
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Speaker 2: and settings and community, I was able to start to
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Speaker 2: find myself a lot more and found myself really interested
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Speaker 2: in helping other people to be able to do the same,
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Speaker 2: which led me down the therapist route.
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Speaker 1: Or hang on, hang on, let's see you were zooming
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Speaker 1: zooming through your story, You're like, I grew up in
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Speaker 1: an evangelical cult like situation a cult? Was it a cult?
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Speaker 2: Wow, it's not like they used that name, you know,
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Speaker 2: they didn't call it that themselves. But like, you know,
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Speaker 2: we didn't have access to outside media or anything like that.
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Speaker 3: You know, as a girl, I wasn't allowed to wear pants,
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Speaker 3: work up my hair. Everything was made in house.
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Speaker 2: The men were in charge of the home, and we
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Speaker 2: all were you know, at the same like church, the
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Speaker 2: same like leadership, So.
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Speaker 3: All the hallmarks of a cult.
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Speaker 1: Basically, how okay, So how long were you in that
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Speaker 1: situation environment?
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Speaker 2: Let's see, I think ages like one or two is
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Speaker 2: when we moved down there. Obviously I don't remember that specifically,
3:15
Speaker 2: but from what I've been told. And then we got
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Speaker 2: out around age eight, when I was eight, and only
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Speaker 2: because the cult imploded, Like you know, it's pretty common
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Speaker 2: you have narcisstic leadership, there's infighting, those kinds of things
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Speaker 2: can fall apart. And so then we moved up to
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Speaker 2: Maryland where we just kind of joined like a larger
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Speaker 2: cult in the.
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Speaker 3: Covenant sect of Christianity.
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Speaker 2: And if you're familiar with Covenant teachings, it's pretty conservative
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Speaker 2: and just but just done in like a megachurch style.
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Speaker 2: So same thing, different setting. And so then we were
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Speaker 2: in that for several until I was thirteen, and then
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Speaker 2: I left home at thirteen?
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Speaker 1: So wow, yeah, how were you able to leave?
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Speaker 3: Oh, it's kicked out?
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Speaker 1: Okay, what happened?
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Speaker 2: Not surprisingly, I was a deeply unhappy child after the
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Speaker 2: things that had happened to me. You know, I'd in
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Speaker 2: the first cult setting. I'd been abused by leadership and
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Speaker 2: groomed to become the pastor's wife or in the future
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Speaker 2: or some sort of something in that sexual realm, and
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Speaker 2: so that was really rough on me. And you know,
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Speaker 2: when you don't get any help for that, or everyone's
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Speaker 2: telling you, well, that's your godly duty as a woman
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Speaker 2: or whatever, you tend to be an angry kid.
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Speaker 3: So I did a lot of fighting. I was angry.
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Speaker 3: I lashed out at a lot of people.
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Speaker 2: And yeah, so when I was thirteen, my dad was like,
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Speaker 2: I just get out.
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Speaker 1: So did you Was this something you shared with your parents?
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Speaker 3: Yep?
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Speaker 1: Ye? And were they like, this is what you have
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Speaker 1: to do? That was the expectation.
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Speaker 2: Actually made me write an apology letter to the man
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Speaker 2: the leader first slandering his good Christian name and saying
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Speaker 2: out loud what he had done and told me to
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Speaker 2: keep it to myself and not say anything else.
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Speaker 1: So you leave, I mean, what do you Yeah? Pretty bad?
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Speaker 1: So you leave? And what happens? What do you do?
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Speaker 1: Where do you go?
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Speaker 2: I bounced around other family members mostly, I bounced around,
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Speaker 2: like several different aunts really helped me, and some friends, grandparents.
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Speaker 2: So just kind of a little bit of yeah, a
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Speaker 2: little CouchSurfing everywhere for a couple months here, a couple months,
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Speaker 2: they're all around.
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Speaker 1: Okay, So how are you managing psychologically physically during this time?
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Speaker 2: Oh? Definitely not well, really really not well. I really
5:52
Speaker 2: took it out on my body, right, like you know, trauma,
5:55
Speaker 2: trauma to my body and my mind of course as well.
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Speaker 2: And so I just became the perpetrator to harm my
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Speaker 2: own self and my own body. And that took quite
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Speaker 2: some time to unpack from myself. I would say it
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Speaker 2: wasn't until like high school graduation and like feeling truly
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Speaker 2: free to like leave, you know, be eighteen and like
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Speaker 2: leave not needing any adults around that I started to
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Speaker 2: work a lot on healing and figuring out like who
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Speaker 2: I wanted to be, but it would still take me
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Speaker 2: another ten years after that before I'd feel much more whole.
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Speaker 2: It wasn't until my late twenties that I felt like
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Speaker 2: I really had gotten to a much better place in
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Speaker 2: life and my own healing journey.
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Speaker 1: How did you come to realize who you wanted to be?
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Speaker 1: And who did you want to be?
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Speaker 2: I mean, I think I hope I never fully answer
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Speaker 2: that question, right, I think I hope I'm always kind
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Speaker 2: of like searching and continuing that journey. Right, I know
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Speaker 2: who I want to be right now, but like in
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Speaker 2: ten years from now, I I'm excited to find out
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Speaker 2: who that will be. Right, I know that I was.
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Speaker 2: I wanted to stop running from who I was. That
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Speaker 2: for sure I wanted to do, and I just didn't
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Speaker 2: know how to slow down and stop and listen. And
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Speaker 2: you know, the first time I was called a lesbian,
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Speaker 2: I was six, and it was in the cult, and
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Speaker 2: it was the leadership yelling at my father, saying, if
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Speaker 2: you're not a better, you know, Christian, stronger man, your
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Speaker 2: daughter is going to be a lesbian. She's already showing
7:23
Speaker 2: signs of being a lesbian. I don't know what I
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Speaker 2: was doing, at age six to show signs of that.
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Speaker 2: Nor did I know what a lesbian was, and I
7:29
Speaker 2: was like, oh god, that sounds so scary, friends out,
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Speaker 2: it's actually really great deeply, and so really until I
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Speaker 2: like fully embraced my sexuality and came out, which I
7:41
Speaker 2: didn't fully do until my early thirties, I was like
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Speaker 2: out as like bisexual in my late twenties, but it
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Speaker 2: really wasn't until my early thirties that I was like, no,
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Speaker 2: I'm definitely not by I'm definitely just a lesbian. So
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Speaker 2: that would take a lot of time, and frankly, it
7:57
Speaker 2: took a lot of love and support from the people
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Speaker 2: who have chosen to be in my life for me
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Speaker 2: to feel safe enough to like pour back into myself
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Speaker 2: in that way.
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Speaker 1: So at some point you decide, well, were you in school,
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Speaker 1: I mean, you were talking about the thirties, so obviously
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Speaker 1: you had gone through school or did you go through
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Speaker 1: through college by that point?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, So I went straight to college out of high school,
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Speaker 2: and then I went straight to get a master's after
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Speaker 2: that in forensic psychology, and I worked in the criminal
8:30
Speaker 2: justice system for a bit and that was not a
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Speaker 2: fit for me. You know, I did love it, But
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Speaker 2: I think that was more of a journey of me
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Speaker 2: trying to unpack like things that had happened to me
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Speaker 2: versus like what I actually wanted to do.
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Speaker 3: With my life.
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Speaker 2: And so I went back to grad school again in
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Speaker 2: my late twenties and to get my clinical psychology degree,
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Speaker 2: and I gave birth to my first daughter two days
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Speaker 2: after one day after my last like right around the
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Speaker 2: week it was wild wild timing, and then COVID hit,
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Speaker 2: so that was great.
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Speaker 3: So it was busy. But yeah, so it's been a while.
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Speaker 1: So how did you come to found the LGBTQ plus
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Speaker 1: Counseling Collaborative. I mean that, you know, it's one thing
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Speaker 1: to pursue becoming a therapist or psychology. It's another thing
9:26
Speaker 1: to completely found your own show. How did that happen?
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Speaker 2: I have always like had a bit of the entrepreneurial bug.
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Speaker 2: I think that's just like intrinsic to my nature and
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Speaker 2: who I am. I also think I'm a much better
9:39
Speaker 2: boss than employee. I just don't like being told what
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Speaker 2: to do and I would much prefer to be in
9:45
Speaker 2: the boss role. So I think a lot of it
9:46
Speaker 2: just has to do with my personality. But then in
9:49
Speaker 2: terms of like why specifically this company is. You know,
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Speaker 2: I worked throughout my twenties, I worked in like inpatient, residential,
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Speaker 2: assisted living, in home services. I did a lot of
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Speaker 2: work in the community before deciding to you know, pursue
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Speaker 2: clinical psych and work in like private practice. And then
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Speaker 2: when I did work in a bunch of private practice
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Speaker 2: and my experiences before then, I really found that like
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Speaker 2: my sexuality was either tokenized in the setting right or
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Speaker 2: I would feel like I'd have to mask a lot
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Speaker 2: or you know, fit in with a cishett world.
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Speaker 3: And that was the struggle. And then I.
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Speaker 2: Also just I intrinsically do not like this standard way
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Speaker 2: A lot of group practices are run in which it
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Speaker 2: is on the backs of the therapists, and then the
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Speaker 2: therapists are kind of struggling to pay their own bills
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Speaker 2: but meant to still show up for like their clients
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Speaker 2: while they're still trying to make ends meet. I know
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Speaker 2: that there are so many amazing group practices that do
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Speaker 2: it better, but a lot of the ones I worked
10:47
Speaker 2: at like I was taking home scraps, and it was
10:49
Speaker 2: like the only answer to that was we'll see more clients,
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Speaker 2: you know.
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Speaker 3: Versus like we'll take care of yourself.
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Speaker 2: And so I really wanted to create a model in
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Speaker 2: which my clinicians would feel really financially secure and be
11:01
Speaker 2: able to come into work and show up for their
11:03
Speaker 2: clients without having that anxiety of their own. And so
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Speaker 2: it was really important to me to build something myself
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Speaker 2: that I didn't have to build at the expense of
11:14
Speaker 2: people who worked underneath me, but that I would be
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Speaker 2: an asset to them versus the other way around. And
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Speaker 2: so I've really tailored how I've created this company to
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Speaker 2: put the clinicians at the first and then the clients
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Speaker 2: at the second. And the reason I do that is
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Speaker 2: I think if I put the clinicians first, and their
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Speaker 2: happiness first, and their finances first, and what they need first,
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Speaker 2: and making sure they have full benefits and all the things,
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Speaker 2: then the clients are going to get the best clinicians.
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Speaker 1: Kind of like putting your mask on first before you
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Speaker 1: put it on your child. But so more specifically, when
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Speaker 1: you talk about like oftentimes other group practices are put
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Speaker 1: on the backs of the clinicians, what do you mean,
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Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Specific A lot.
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Speaker 2: Of practices that I work at, and obviously I know
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Speaker 2: that there are great ones out there that don't do it.
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Speaker 2: You know, the clinician was ten ninety nine, didn't get
12:08
Speaker 2: any benefits, was getting a small cut, and then also
12:12
Speaker 2: was responsible for bringing all their own clients, doing all
12:14
Speaker 2: their own marketing, doing all the things that like they
12:18
Speaker 2: could just go do themselves and make the full money
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Speaker 2: and not like the split or the smaller fee. And
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Speaker 2: so I really didn't want to do that where people
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Speaker 2: just felt like, oh, I have to see more clients
12:28
Speaker 2: in order to meet my bills, but actually like could
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Speaker 2: sustain and live really comfortably on just seeing the twenty
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Speaker 2: people a week.
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Speaker 1: Okay, so you didn't just found a counseling company, you
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Speaker 1: founded the LGBTQ plus Counseling Collaborative. What did that mean
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Speaker 1: to you? Why was that important to you? I mean,
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Speaker 1: obviously you identify as a lesbian, but say more about that.
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Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I love like being at work all
12:56
Speaker 2: day around people with similar lived identities or experiences and roles,
13:01
Speaker 2: and like that we understand each other in a different way.
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Speaker 2: But I also think the collaborative piece is what's super
13:06
Speaker 2: important to me. Of like, it's important to me that
13:08
Speaker 2: everyone knows each other here, that we meet and do
13:11
Speaker 2: case consultations together, that we're also there for each other
13:14
Speaker 2: personally if need be, and that we also collaborate a
13:18
Speaker 2: lot with other entities around us.
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Speaker 3: We do a lot of work where we collaborate.
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Speaker 2: With other with nonprofits in the area to make sure
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Speaker 2: we're giving back to like other companies and people that
13:28
Speaker 2: need help. That we're collaborating with companies to help their
13:32
Speaker 2: clients in other ways. We also do a lot of collaboration,
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Speaker 2: like politically and within legislation and making sure we're meeting
13:38
Speaker 2: regularly with senators and folks in elected positions and saying like, hey,
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Speaker 2: this is what we're seeing in the queer community from
13:46
Speaker 2: our clients, this is what we need to be doing
13:47
Speaker 2: differently on the hill, here's what we need to be
13:49
Speaker 2: doing in Virginia. Virginia is kind of far behind and
13:52
Speaker 2: a lot of queer rights everything. We're getting better, but
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Speaker 2: we're definitely far behind. So for me, it's important of
13:58
Speaker 2: like that the therapists are all living the same values
14:01
Speaker 2: that we're telling our clients, and we're out here advocating,
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Speaker 2: and we're out here working together, and we're out here
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Speaker 2: trying to make the world a better place.
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Speaker 3: So I love it what.
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Speaker 1: Do you see in terms of I think it's interesting
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Speaker 1: that you're in Washington, d C. At this time with
14:24
Speaker 1: everything going on in terms of access to care, access
14:32
Speaker 1: to therapy. What are you seeing in terms of queer access?
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Speaker 3: Sure, I would say, you know, in where we are
14:45
Speaker 3: right now, we.
14:46
Speaker 2: Are disproportionately impacted by what's happening in the government. Right.
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Speaker 2: That's so many of our clients and the people around
14:52
Speaker 2: us and our neighbors work for the government or used
14:54
Speaker 2: to work for the government, and we're you know, either
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Speaker 2: let go or we're furloughed for a month us or
15:00
Speaker 2: all these different things. Right, So we're seeing like day
15:03
Speaker 2: to day impacts in our life and how difficult that is.
15:06
Speaker 2: And so obviously the biggest strain that makes is like
15:08
Speaker 2: for finances, we're also seeing a lot of hesitancy and
15:13
Speaker 2: you know, we we personally don't take insurance because of
15:15
Speaker 2: privacy issues, right, So we're seeing a lot of hesitancy
15:17
Speaker 2: in the queer community to access resources in which they're
15:22
Speaker 2: afraid their information is going to be documented or used
15:24
Speaker 2: against them, right, And so like if we took insurance,
15:27
Speaker 2: they would require more documentation than they actually need, and
15:31
Speaker 2: that could we don't know what could be done with that,
15:33
Speaker 2: and so we won't do that.
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Speaker 3: So we are private pay.
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Speaker 2: Only, which is a huge barrier to a lot of people,
15:39
Speaker 2: and we try to mitigate that by twenty five percent
15:42
Speaker 2: of everyone's caseload is required to be sliding scale or
15:45
Speaker 2: pro bono, so we do like still keep that accessible component.
15:49
Speaker 2: We also will like partner with nonprofits or organizations that
15:54
Speaker 2: provide grants, so like we'll partner with Asylum Works that
15:58
Speaker 2: provides you know, twelve sessions to image and some refugees
16:01
Speaker 2: through US or pine Apple Support who does the same
16:04
Speaker 2: thing but for sex workers. Right, So we'll find ways
16:07
Speaker 2: to make it as accessible as we can to people,
16:09
Speaker 2: but not at the impact of like our clinicians struggling
16:13
Speaker 2: to pay their own bills kind of thing.
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Speaker 1: In terms of your own experience, how was it for
16:22
Speaker 1: you showing up as yourself authentically as yourself when you
16:30
Speaker 1: started working with your clients.
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Speaker 2: I think it took some time to like ease into it, right,
16:38
Speaker 2: to feel like really comfortable when I first started in
16:41
Speaker 2: private practice. You know, you come out of grad school
16:43
Speaker 2: and you are so told not to self disclose a
16:47
Speaker 2: single thing and keep everything quiet or like everyone's lives
16:52
Speaker 2: will be ruined, and so that took some time for
16:56
Speaker 2: me to unlearn. And I understand why we're told that
16:59
Speaker 2: in grad school because so many new clinicians can't self
17:02
Speaker 2: disclosed properly, right, But I wish they'd kind of told
17:05
Speaker 2: me that of like, hey, learn and practice it before
17:07
Speaker 2: you do it, versus just never do it, because within
17:10
Speaker 2: the queer community and not just quicking me, there's so
17:13
Speaker 2: many different populations like anyone. I work a lot with
17:15
Speaker 2: complex trauma and religious trauma obviously, and you can't do
17:18
Speaker 2: that work without self disclosing that you have have had
17:21
Speaker 2: that too, right, because I don't want to go to
17:24
Speaker 2: a therapist and work on my religious trauma if they've
17:26
Speaker 2: never been a church and don't know what I'm talking about, right,
17:28
Speaker 2: Like there is you just have to have some commonalities
17:31
Speaker 2: in order to do that work. And so the self
17:33
Speaker 2: disclosure is not only important to them, but so important
17:36
Speaker 2: to me to show up authentically in that space of like,
17:38
Speaker 2: I get it, I've been there, I'm still.
17:40
Speaker 3: Working through it too.
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Speaker 2: So for me, it took some time to turn off
17:46
Speaker 2: that no self disclosure language and figure out, Okay, how
17:49
Speaker 2: do I show up as myself and what does that
17:52
Speaker 2: look like? And given that, like the company is called
17:55
Speaker 2: LGBT Counsel Collaborative, you're already automatically self disclosing right already
18:00
Speaker 2: people know, So then how do you continue to self
18:03
Speaker 2: disclose more while making sure it's still beneficial to the client.
18:08
Speaker 2: And I think that's just been a process over time
18:12
Speaker 2: to figure out. I feel pretty comfortable about it now.
18:15
Speaker 2: I think it depends on the client and they're comfortability
18:17
Speaker 2: as well. But sure, I feel pretty pretty comfortable now.
18:21
Speaker 1: And who are your clients. Are they strictly ALGI cheers community?
18:28
Speaker 3: No, definitely not.
18:30
Speaker 2: I would say the majority are, for sure, But we
18:32
Speaker 2: also get a lot of like parents to a queer
18:35
Speaker 2: trans youth right or family members or allies you know,
18:39
Speaker 2: who still just have something like really want to work
18:42
Speaker 2: through religious grama and maybe it has nothing to do
18:44
Speaker 2: with queerness, but like I'm known for religious trauma work
18:47
Speaker 2: in this area and so they're going to come see
18:48
Speaker 2: me for it, or like other people at the practice,
18:51
Speaker 2: you know, have a specialty in something that they're like, oh,
18:53
Speaker 2: I really enjoy that specialty and maybe the queerness part
18:56
Speaker 2: of it doesn't really matter. So it kind of depends.
19:00
Speaker 2: But even for those who are not within the queer community.
19:04
Speaker 2: I'm still very openly myself and queer.
19:09
Speaker 1: In terms of uh, this is kind of a broad question,
19:12
Speaker 1: I mean, and again, obviously you're in Some might say
19:16
Speaker 1: like the heart of what's going on right now with
19:21
Speaker 1: access to care in the queer community across the states,
19:26
Speaker 1: the nation. What would you say is going on now
19:31
Speaker 1: with in terms of queer community and access to care?
19:39
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I can speak a little more accurately
19:43
Speaker 2: for my area versus all over, but I will say
19:48
Speaker 2: that there is just a lot of fear in being
19:52
Speaker 2: queer or trans or generative verse or any sort of
19:56
Speaker 2: anything that doesn't fall within this has had you know,
19:59
Speaker 2: neurotypical world because you know, we are being targeted right
20:03
Speaker 2: now and there is no saying what is going to happen,
20:07
Speaker 2: and we have three ish plus more years of who knows,
20:11
Speaker 2: And so I think because there's so much fear around,
20:15
Speaker 2: we don't know what's going to happen, but we do
20:16
Speaker 2: know it's not gonna be good for us. I think
20:20
Speaker 2: there is a lot of like you know, battening down
20:22
Speaker 2: the hatches kind of thing of like, Okay, I need
20:24
Speaker 2: to like make sure I'm really paying attention to who
20:26
Speaker 2: do I trust, would I talk to, who do I
20:27
Speaker 2: let into my circles? And I think that that if
20:30
Speaker 2: you don't have a lot of resources in your area
20:33
Speaker 2: for queer therapy, specifically not just queer affirming but like
20:37
Speaker 2: queer celebratory or queer identifying themselves, then it can probably,
20:41
Speaker 2: I would imagine, be a barrier to choosing to start
20:44
Speaker 2: therapy or continue with therapy. If you're like, I don't
20:47
Speaker 2: know if my notes are going to get used against
20:49
Speaker 2: me in the future, right, I don't know if I
20:50
Speaker 2: want it written down that I'm you know, going through X,
20:53
Speaker 2: Y Z or whatever it is. So I think the
20:55
Speaker 2: fear would be the biggest thing. You know, we do
20:58
Speaker 2: get a lot of requests from people across the country,
21:00
Speaker 2: and you know, depending on our licensure as we try
21:02
Speaker 2: to accommodate as much as possible. But we get a
21:04
Speaker 2: lot of people who are like, yeah, I can't find
21:06
Speaker 2: a single queer therapist in this area, Like I just
21:09
Speaker 2: need to talk to somebody, m h.
21:12
Speaker 1: And when that happens, what For example, we have a
21:16
Speaker 1: lot of therapists listening to this podcast for those maybe
21:21
Speaker 1: who aren't queer. I mean, do you feel it's important
21:24
Speaker 1: for a queer client to see a queer therapist.
21:28
Speaker 3: Not necessarily.
21:30
Speaker 2: I think it depends on their background and what they've experienced.
21:33
Speaker 2: There are you know, there are some queer folks who
21:35
Speaker 2: have grown up and really like affirming families and their
21:39
Speaker 2: identity has never been a huge question for them, and
21:42
Speaker 2: that's not been a part of their mental health struggles.
21:45
Speaker 2: And maybe their mental health struggles have been part of
21:47
Speaker 2: other identities or other experiences they've had, and in those scenarios,
21:51
Speaker 2: like any you know, any therapist can certainly help.
21:55
Speaker 3: I personally feel like because of you.
21:56
Speaker 2: Know, how how how huge a part of my identity,
22:01
Speaker 2: queerness has been. It's a big thing for me. But
22:04
Speaker 2: that being said, my personal therapist is not queer. She
22:08
Speaker 2: has a mother, and that I really needed that at
22:10
Speaker 2: that time, and I was like, I need to have
22:13
Speaker 2: I need to have a therapist as a mother who
22:14
Speaker 2: understands what I'm going through as a mother. My child,
22:17
Speaker 2: my oldest child, was born with a lot of medical issues,
22:20
Speaker 2: and so I needed I was like, I need a mother, right,
22:23
Speaker 2: And so I think it's the same way. It's like,
22:24
Speaker 2: what are you trying to work on? And if it's
22:26
Speaker 2: related to your queerness or your identity, or your comfort
22:29
Speaker 2: or your supports systems or.
22:30
Speaker 3: Things like that.
22:31
Speaker 2: Then Yeah, I think having a queer therapist and across
22:34
Speaker 2: from you, who one understands your experiences more so, who
22:38
Speaker 2: you don't have to explain yourself to, I think can
22:40
Speaker 2: be really really helpful.
22:42
Speaker 1: So let's talk about specifically what you folks do at
22:45
Speaker 1: the LGBTQ Bullets Counseling Collaborative. How do you work is
22:50
Speaker 1: do you work with other therapists and if so, how
22:52
Speaker 1: would you offer, et cetera.
22:54
Speaker 3: Yeah, we do a little of everything.
22:56
Speaker 2: Like we definitely, you know, do individual therapy adolescent and up.
23:01
Speaker 2: We do a lot of couples and relationships. We love
23:04
Speaker 2: couples work in relationship work, including non traditional relationship dynamics
23:09
Speaker 2: as well.
23:10
Speaker 3: We definitely do a lot of group therapy.
23:12
Speaker 2: We are big believers in like, what is hurt in
23:15
Speaker 2: groups can be healed in groups, and your first group
23:17
Speaker 2: is often your family, and so whatever you experience back
23:20
Speaker 2: then you can really work towards healing within a group setting.
23:23
Speaker 3: So we really love that.
23:24
Speaker 2: We also do a lot of trainings and workshops for clients,
23:28
Speaker 2: but also for therapists. We go into businesses a lot
23:31
Speaker 2: to like tell them, like, here's how you can be
23:34
Speaker 2: queer salvatory for your your employees and your client base
23:38
Speaker 2: and really trying to make like the community at large
23:41
Speaker 2: safer for all of us. And then we do a
23:45
Speaker 2: lot of activism work. We really enjoy working with other
23:48
Speaker 2: organizations in the community and showing up at you know,
23:52
Speaker 2: there's obviously DC like that, all kinds of political and
23:55
Speaker 2: activism events here that we get to do. We do
23:58
Speaker 2: ADHD and autism test and psychological evaluations. We have a
24:02
Speaker 2: psychologist on staff who does that. And let's see what
24:05
Speaker 2: else do we do.
24:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a lot, that's a lot lot. And so
24:12
Speaker 1: all right, the book Healing Sacred Wounds is coming out
24:17
Speaker 1: August twenty twenty six, is that correct?
24:19
Speaker 3: Next fall?
24:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, next fall? Okay. Healing Sacred Wounds a Guide to
24:25
Speaker 1: overcoming from religious and spiritual trauma. Obviously you talked a
24:31
Speaker 1: little bit about that from your own life. How did
24:33
Speaker 1: the book come about?
24:35
Speaker 2: Well, the book has been a long time coming. I
24:38
Speaker 2: wrote it four or five years ago, and it took
24:41
Speaker 2: me three to four years to get it picked up
24:44
Speaker 2: by a publisher because I just kept hearing from each
24:48
Speaker 2: rejection that religious trauma wasn't a thing, wasn't.
24:53
Speaker 1: A popular thing, or just didn't exist, didn't exist.
24:56
Speaker 3: They're like, this isn't.
24:58
Speaker 2: So now that Then, you know, as we got into
25:01
Speaker 2: like twenty twenty, twenty twenty one, and we started to
25:03
Speaker 2: have more books about it and more people talking about
25:05
Speaker 2: it more openly mainstream. Obviously we've been talking about it longer,
25:08
Speaker 2: but it really did take until the last five years
25:10
Speaker 2: for it to become a more mainstream concept outside of
25:14
Speaker 2: the psychological field. Then you know, it got picked up,
25:18
Speaker 2: and obviously I've updated it for the times since when
25:20
Speaker 2: I originally wrote it, and it's really meant to be
25:24
Speaker 2: kind of a beginner's guide for some and for others
25:27
Speaker 2: it can be a way to just kind of continue
25:29
Speaker 2: furthering the work you're already doing. It's also really meant
25:32
Speaker 2: to be non biased as much as possible in terms of,
25:36
Speaker 2: you know, I believe that trauma is human based and
25:39
Speaker 2: not belief spirituality based. Right, It's that humans cause trauma,
25:44
Speaker 2: and oppressive systems that are led by humans cause trauma.
25:47
Speaker 2: And so I don't push an ideology of like you
25:50
Speaker 2: have to deconstruct or you have to do this, like
25:52
Speaker 2: I wanted to make a book that somebody could choose
25:54
Speaker 2: to stay in a church and just learn how to
25:57
Speaker 2: do it in a healthy way if they wanted to,
25:59
Speaker 2: and that somebody could choose to leave a church or
26:01
Speaker 2: leave a religion and figure out how to do that
26:03
Speaker 2: in a healthy way. I wanted it to be able
26:05
Speaker 2: to be about you and what's healthy ist for you,
26:08
Speaker 2: versus me telling you what you.
26:10
Speaker 3: Should or shouldn't believe. So that's kind of my goal.
26:13
Speaker 1: With a book, and specifically just give us an idea
26:17
Speaker 1: of how you do that in the book, How you
26:19
Speaker 1: wanted to do that in the book?
26:21
Speaker 2: Well, I guess you know. If you read it, you'll
26:23
Speaker 2: see if I do that accurately or not. But the
26:26
Speaker 2: goal is really to give a lot more information of
26:30
Speaker 2: like how to if you grew up in a high demand,
26:34
Speaker 2: high control religion, you are specifically not taught how to
26:37
Speaker 2: critically think. In fact, you were actively taught that you
26:39
Speaker 2: can't do that obedience above all, And so that doesn't
26:43
Speaker 2: allow for that skill set to be learned, and we
26:46
Speaker 2: have to kind of go back and repairent ourselves a
26:47
Speaker 2: little of like, Okay, here's how we practice critical thinking
26:50
Speaker 2: and turning off that black and white, and here's what
26:53
Speaker 2: this looks like, and you get to decide for yourself.
26:55
Speaker 2: So a lot of it is like asking more questions
26:59
Speaker 2: and asking people to probe more versus telling them providing
27:03
Speaker 2: more framework for like, here are different ways you can
27:06
Speaker 2: think what'sits best with you? And then also, you know,
27:10
Speaker 2: one of the more complicated pieces of religious trauma specifically
27:13
Speaker 2: that sets it apart from other types of trauma is
27:16
Speaker 2: that in order to have religious trauma, you've also most
27:19
Speaker 2: likely had to give religious trauma to other people.
27:22
Speaker 1: Right.
27:22
Speaker 2: It's the type of thing where like, in order to
27:24
Speaker 2: be in it, you've had to do it to other people, right,
27:27
Speaker 2: And so you also have to practice compassion and forgiveness
27:31
Speaker 2: for yourself and what that looks like. And think of
27:33
Speaker 2: all the times that you shamed someone for not doing
27:36
Speaker 2: something you know, Christian enough or whatever enough, and all
27:39
Speaker 2: the times you harmed somebody with your beliefs and you
27:42
Speaker 2: oppress somebody, because that's how those things work, right, Like,
27:46
Speaker 2: they make you part of it, and therefore you can't
27:48
Speaker 2: leave or won't leave, and so that is a really
27:52
Speaker 2: just a complicating factor, that is, it takes a lot
27:55
Speaker 2: of time to pull that apart.
27:58
Speaker 1: For people, all right, see how do people learn more
28:03
Speaker 1: about you and the l g P t Q plus
28:07
Speaker 1: Counseling Collaborative as well as the book. What's the best way?
28:09
Speaker 2: Well, the best way is definitely to go to our website.
28:12
Speaker 2: I'll certainly be posting about the book on there as
28:15
Speaker 2: more information comes out. It's LGBT Counseling d MV dot com.
28:19
Speaker 2: And then also following me on social media on Instagram
28:22
Speaker 2: or Facebook at s c neely n e A l
28:26
Speaker 2: Y is a great way as well.
28:29
Speaker 1: Awesome, all right, I see, We'll have all this linked
28:31
Speaker 1: up at the show notes page here at the Trauma
28:33
Speaker 1: Paprist podcast dot com. Intense sc appreciate you being here.
28:39
Speaker 1: Appreciate it all right, take care, yeah,