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06 - Robinson Crusoe - Daniel Defoe · Adventure Books Collection

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Chapter six, Ill and conscience stricken. When I came down to the ship,
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I found it strangely removed. The forecastle, which lay before buried in
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sand, was heaved up at least six feet, and the stern, which
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was broken pieces and parted from the rest by the force of the sea.
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Soon after I had left rummaging, her was tossed up, as it were,
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and cast on one side, and the sand was thrown so high on
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that side next her stern, that whereas there was a great place of water
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before, so that I could not come within a quarter of a mile of
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the wreck without swimming, I could now walk quite up to her when the
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tide was out. I was surprised with this at first, but soon concluded
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it must be done by the earthquake, and by this violence the ship was
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more broke open than formerly. So many things came daily on shore, which
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the sea had loosened, and which the winds and water rolled by degrees to
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the land. This wholly diverted my thoughts from the design of removing my habitation,
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and I busied myself mightily that day, especially in searching whether I could
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make any way into the ship. But I found nothing. Must be expected
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of that kind, for all the inside of the ship was choked up with
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sand. However, as I had learned not to despair of anything, I
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resolved to pull everything to pieces that I could of the ship, concluding that
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everything I could get from her would be of some use or other to me.
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May third, I began with my saw and cut a piece of a
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beam through which I thought held some of the upper part, or quarter deck
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together. And when I had cut it through, I cleared away the sand
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as well as I could from the side which lay highest. But the tide
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was coming in I was obliged to give over for that. May fourth I
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went a fishing, but caught not only one fish that I durst eat till
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I was weary of my sport. When just going to leave off, I
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caught a young dolphin. I had made me a long line of some rope
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yarn, but I had no hooks. Yet I frequently caught fish enough as
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much as I cared to eat, all which I dried in the sun and
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ate them dried. May fifth worked on the wreck, cut another beam asunder,
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and brought three great fur planks off from the decks, which I tied
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together and made to float on shore. When the tide of flood came in.
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May sixth worked on the wreck, got several iron bolts out of her
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and other pieces of iron work. Worked very hard, and came home very
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much tired, and had thoughts of giving it over. May seventh went to
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the wreck again, not with an intent to work, but found the weight
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of the wreck had broke itself down, the beams being cut, that several
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pieces of ship seemed to lie loose, and the inside of the hold lay
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so open that I could see into it, but it was almost full of
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water and sand. May eighth went to the wreck and carried an iron crow
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to wrench up the deck, which lay now quite clear of the water or
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sand. I wrenched open two planks and brought them on short or also with
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the tide. I left the iron crow and the wreck for next day.
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May ninth went to the wreck, and with the crow made way into the
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body of the wreck, and felt several casts and loosened them with the crow,
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but could not break them up. I felt also a roll of English
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lead and could stir it, but it was too heavy to remove. May
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tenth through fourteenth went every day to the wreck and got a great many pieces
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of timber and boards or plank, and two or three hundred weight of iron.
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May fifteenth, I carried two hatchets to try if I could not cut
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a piece of the roll of lead by placing the edge of one hatchet and
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driving it with the other. But as it lay about a foot and a
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half in the water, I could not make any blow to drive the hatchet.
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May sixteenth, it had blown hard in the night, and the wreck
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appeared more broken by the force of the water. But I stayed so long
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in the woods to get pigeons for food, that the tide prevented my going
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to the wreck. That day, May seventeenth, I saw some pieces of
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the wreck blown on shore at a great distance, near two miles off me,
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but resolved to see what they were, and found it was a piece
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of the head, but too heavy for me to bring away. May twenty
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fourth. Every day to this day I worked on the wreck, and with
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the hard labor I loosened some things so much with the crow that the first
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tide several casts floated out, and two of the seamen's chests. But the
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wind blowing from the shore nothing came to land that day, but pieces of
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timber in a hogshead which had some Brazil pork in it, but the salt
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water and the sand had spoiled it. I continued this work every day to
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the fifteenth of June, except the time necessary to get food, which I
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always appointed during this part of my employment to be when the tide was up,
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that I might be ready when it was ebbed out. And by this
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time I had got timber and plank and ironwork enough to have built a good
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boat if I had known how. And also I got, at several times,
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and in several pieces, near one hundred weight of the sheet lead.
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June sixteenth, going down to the seaside, I found a large tortoise or
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turtle. This was the first I had seen, which it seems was only
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my misfortune, not any defect of the place or scarcity, for had I
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happened to be on the other side of the island, I might have had
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hundreds of them every day, as I found afterwards, but perhaps had paid
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dear enough for them. June seventeenth I spent in cooking the turtle I found
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in her three score eggs, and her flesh was to me at that time
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the most savory and pleasant that ever I tasted in my life, having had
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no flesh but of goats and fowls since I landed in this horrid place.
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June eighteenth, rained all day and I stayed within. I thought at this
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time the rain felt cold, and I was something chilly, but which I
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knew was not unusual in that latitude. June nineteenth, very ill and shivering
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as if the weather had been cold. June twentieth, no rest all night,
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have violent pains in my head and feverish. June twenty first, very
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ill, frighted almost to death with the apprehensions of my sad condition, to
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be sick and no help. Prayed to God for the first time since the
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storm off Hull, but scarce knew what I said or why, my thoughts
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being all confused. June twenty second, a little better, but under dreadful
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apprehensions of sickness. Killed a she goat, and with much difficulty got at
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home and broiled some of it and ate. I would fain have stewed it
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and made some broth, but had no pot. June twenty seventh, the
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agu again so violent that I lay abed all day and neither ate nor drank.
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I was ready to perish for thirst, but so weak I had not
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strength to stand up or to get myself any water to drink. Prayed to
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God again, but was light headed, And when I was not, I
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was so ignorant that I knew not what to say. Only I lay and
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cried, Lord, look upon me, Lord, pity me, Lord,
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have mercy upon me. I suppose I did nothing else for two or three
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hours till the fit wearing off, I fell asleep and did not wait till
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far in the night. When I awoke, I found myself much refreshed,
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but weak and exceeding thirsty. However, as I had no water in my
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habitation, I was forced to lie till morning, and went to sleep again.
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In this second sleep, I had this terrible dream. I thought that
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I was sitting on the ground on the outside of my wall, where I
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sat when the storm blew after the earthquake, and that I saw a man
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descend from a great black cloud in a bright flame of fire in light upon
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the ground. He was all over as bright as a flame, so that
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I could not but just bear to look towards him. His countenance was most
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inexpressibly dreadful, impossible for words to describe When he stepped upon the ground with
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his feet, I thought the earth trembled, just as it had done before
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in the earthquake, and all the air looked, to my apprehension, as
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if it had been filled with flashes of fire. He was no sooner landed
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upon the earth, but he had moved forward towards me, with a long
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spear or weapon in his hand, to kill me. And when he came
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to a rising ground at some distance, he spoke to me, or I
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heard a voice so terrible that it is impossible to express the terror of it.
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All that I can say I understood was this, Seeing all these things
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have not brought thee to repentance, Now thou shalt die. At which words,
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I thought, he lifted up the spear that was in his hand to
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kill me. No one that shall ever read in this account will expect that
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I should be able to describe the horrors of my soul at this terrible vision.
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I mean that, even while it was a dream, I even dreamed
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of those horrors. Nor is it any more possible to describe the impression that
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remained upon my mind when I await and found it was but a dream I
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had Alas no divine knowledge. What I had received by the good instruction of
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my father was then worn out by an uninterrupted series for eight years of seafaring
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wickedness, and a constant conversation with none but such as were like myself,
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wicked and profane to the last degree. I do not remember that I had
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in all that time one thought that so much as tended either to looking upwards
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towards God or inwards towards a reflection upon my own ways. But a certain
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stupidity of soul, without desire of good or conscience of evil, had entirely
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overwhelmed me, And I was all that the most hardened, unthinking, wicked
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creature among our common sailors can be supposed to be, not having the least
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sense either of the fear of God in danger, or of thankfulness to God
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in deliverance. In the relating of what already is pasted of my story,
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this will be the more easily believed when I shall add that, through all
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the variety of miseries that had to this day befallen me, I never had
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so much as one thought of it being the hand of God, or that
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it was a just punishment for my sin. My rebellious behavior against my father
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or my present sins which were great, or so much as a punishment for
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the general course of my wicked life. When I was on the desperate expedition
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on the desert shores of Africa, I never had so much as one thought
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of what would become of me, or one wish to God to direct me
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whether I should go, or to keep me from the danger which apparently surrounded
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me, as well as from voracious creatures as cruel savages. But I was
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merely thoughtless of a God or a providence, acted like a mere brute,
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from the principles of nature and by the dictates of common sense only, and
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indeed hardly that when I was delivered and taken up at sea by the Portugal
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captain, well used and dealt justly and honorably with, as well as charitably,
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I had not the least thankfulness in my thoughts. When again I was
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shipwrecked, ruined, and in danger of drowning on this island, I was
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as far from remorse or looking on it as a judgment. I only said
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to myself often that I was an unfortunate dog and born to always be miserable.
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It is true when I got on shore first here and found all my
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ship's crew drowned and myself spared. I was surprised with a kind of ecstasy,
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and some transports of soul, which had the grace of God assisted,
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might have come up to true thankfulness. But it ended where it began,
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in a mere common flight of joy, or, as I may say,
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being glad I was alive, without the least reflection upon the distinguished goodness of
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the hand which had preserved me, and had singled me out to be preserved
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when all the rest were destroyed, or an inquiry why providence had been thus
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merciful unto me, even just the same common sort of joy which seamen generally
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have after they got safe ashore from a shipwreck which they drown all in the
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next bullet punch, and forget almost as soon as it is over. And
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all the rest of my life was like it, even when I was afterwards
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undue consideration made sensible of my condition. How I was cast on this dreadful
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place, out of the reach of humankind, out of all hope of relief
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or prospect of redemption, as soon as I saw but a prospect of living,
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and that I should not starve and perish for hunger. All the sense
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of my affliction wore off, and I began to be very easy, applied
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myself to the works proper for my preservation and supply, and was far enough
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from being afflicted at my condition as a judgment from Heaven, or as the
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hand of God against me. These were thoughts which very seldom entered my head.
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The growing up of the corn, as is hinted in my journal,
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had at first some little influence upon me, and began to affect me with
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seriousness as long as I thought it had something miraculous in it. But as
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soon as ever that part of the thought was removed, all the impression that
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was raised from it wore off. Also, as I have noted already,
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even the earthquake, though nothing could be more terrible in its nature, or
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more immediately directing to the invisible power which alone directs such things, Yet no
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sooner was the first fright over, but the impression it had made went off.
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Also. I had no more sense of God or his judgments, much
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less of the present affliction of my circumstances being from His hand, than if
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I had been in the most prosperous condition of life. But now when I
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began to be sick, and a leisurely view of the miseries of death came
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to place itself before me. When my spirits began to sink under the burden
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of a strong distemper, and nature was exhausted with the violence of the fever,
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conscience that had slept so long began to awake, and I began to
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reproach myself with my past life in which I had so evidently by un common
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wickedness, provoked the justice of God to lay me under uncommon strokes and to
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deal with me in so vindictive a manner. These reflections oppressed me for the
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second or third day of my distemper, and in the violence as well of
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the fever, as of the dreadful reproaches of my conscience extorted some words for
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me, like praying to God, though I cannot say they were either a
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prayer attended with desires or with hopes. It was rather the voice of mere
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fright and distress. My thoughts were confused, the convictions great upon my mind,
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and the horror of dying in such a miserable condition raised vapors into my
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head with the mere apprehensions, and in these hurries of my soul. I
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knew not what my time might express, but it was rather exclamation, such
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as, Lord, what a miserable creature am I? If I should be
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sick, I shall certainly die for want of help, and what will become
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of me? Then the tears burst out of my eyes, and I could
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say no more for a good while. In this interval, the good advice
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of my father came to my mind, and presently his prediction which I mentioned
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at the beginning of the story, that is that if I did take this
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foolish step, God would not bless me, and I would have leisure hereafter
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to reflect upon having neglected his counsel, when there might be none to assist
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in my recovery. Now said I aloud, my dear father's words are come
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to pass. God's justice has overtaken me, and I have none to help
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or hear me. I rejected the voice of Providence which had mercifully put me
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in a posture or station of life wherein I might have been happy and easy.
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But I would neither see it myself nor learn to know the blessing of
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it. From my parents, I left them to mourn over my folly and
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now I am left to mourn under the consequences of it. I abuse their
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help and assistance, which would have lifted me in the world and would have
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made everything easy to me. And now I have difficulties to struggle with,
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too great for even nature itself to support. And no assistance, no help,
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no comfort, no advice. Then I cried out, Lord, be
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my help, for I am in great distress. This was the first prayer,
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if I may call it so, that I had made for many years.
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But to return to my journal June twenty eighth, Having been somewhat refreshed
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with the sleep I had had and the fit being entirely off, I got
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up, and though the fright and terror of my dream was very great,
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yet I considered that the fit of the agu would return again the next day,
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and now was my time to get something to refresh and support myself when
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I should be ill. And the first thing I did I filled a large
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square case bottle with water and set it upon my table in reach of my
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bed. And to take off the chill or aguish disposition of the water,
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I put about a quarter of a pint of rum into it and mix them
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together. Then I got me a piece of the goat's flesh and broiled it
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on the coals, but could eat very little. I walked about, but
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was very weak, and with all very sad and heavy hearted, under a
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sense of my miserable condition, dreading the return of my distemper. The next
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day, at night, I made my supper of three of the turtle's eggs,
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which I roasted in the ashes and ate, as we call it,
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in the shell. And this was the first bit of meat I had ever
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asked God's blessing to that I could remember in my whole life. After I
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had eaten, I tried to walk, but found myself so weak that I
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could hardly carry a gun, for I never went out without that. So
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I went but a little way and sat down upon the ground, looking out
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upon the sea, which was just before me, and very calm and smooth.
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As I sat here, some such thoughts as these occurred to me.
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What is this earth and sea of which I have seen so much? Whence
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is it produced? And what am I and all the other creatures wild and
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tame, human and brutal? Whence are we sure? We all are made
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by some secret power who formed the earth and sea and the air and sky,
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and who is that? Then it followed, most naturally, it is
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God that has made all well. But then it came on strangely. If
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God has made all these things, he guides and governs them, all and
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all things that concerned them. For the power that could make all things must
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certainly have power to guide and direct them. If so, nothing can happen
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in the great circuit of His works, either without his knowledge or appointment.
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And if nothing happens without his knowledge, he knows that I am here and
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am in this dreadful condition. And if nothing happens without his appointment, he
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has appointed all this to befall me. Nothing occurred to my thoughts to contradict
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any of these conclusions, And therefore it rested upon me with the greater force
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that it must needs be that God had appointed all this to befall me,
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that I was brought into this miserable circumstance by his direction, He having the
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sole power not of me only, but of everything that happened in the world.
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Immediately, it followed, why has God done this to me? What
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have I done to be thus used? My conscience presently checked me in that
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inquiry, as if I had blasphemed and methought. It spoke to me like
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a voice. Wretch, dost thou ask what thou hast done? Look back
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upon a dreadful, misspent life, and ask thyself what thou hast not done?
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Ask why is it that thou wert not long ago destroyed? Why wert
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thou not drowned in yarmouth roads, killed in the fight when the ship was
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taken by the sale man of war, devoured by the wild beasts on the
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coast of Africa, were drowned here when all the crew perished. But thyself,
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dost thou ask what have I done? I was struck dumb with these
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reflections, as one astonished, and had not a word to say. No,
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not to answer to myself, but rose up, pensive and sad walked
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back to my retreat and went up over my wall, as if I had
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been going to bed. But my thoughts were sadly disturbed, and I had
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no inclination to sleep, So I sat down in my chair and lighted my
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lamp, for it began to be dark. Now. As the apprehension of
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the return of my distemper terrified me very much, it occurred to my thought
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that the Brazilians take no physic but their tobacco for almost all distempers. And
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I had a piece of a roll of tobacco in one of the chests,
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which was quite cured, and some also that was green and not quite cured.
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I went directed by, having no doubt, for in this chest I
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found a cure both for soul and body. I opened the chest and found
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what I looked for tobacco, and as the few books I had saved lay
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there too, I took out one of the Bibles, which I mentioned before,
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and which to this time I had not found leisure or inclination to look
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into. I say, I took it out and brought both that and the
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tobacco with me to the table. What used to make of the tobacco I
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knew, not in my distemper or whether it was good for it or no.
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But I tried several experiments with it, as if I was resolved it
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should hit one way or another. I took first a piece of leaf and
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chewed it in my mouth, which indeed at first almost stupefied my brain.
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The tobacco being green and strong, and that I had not been much used
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to. Then I took some and steeped it an hour or two in some
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run, and resolved to make a dose of it. I lay down,
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and lastly I burnt some upon a pan of coals, and held my nose
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over it, over the smoke of it as long as I could bear it,
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as well for the heat as almost for suffocation. In the interval of
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this operation I took up the Bible and began to read, but my head
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was too much disturbed with the tobacco to bear reading, at least at that
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time. Only having opened the book casually, the first words that occurred to
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me were these call on me and the day of trouble, and I will
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deliver thee and thou shalt glorify me. These words were very apt to my
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case, and made some impression upon my thoughts at the time of reading them,
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though not so much as they did after, For as for being delivered,
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the word had no sound. As I may say to me, the
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thing was so remote, so impossible in my apprehension of things, that I
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began to say, as the children of Israel did when they were promised flesh
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to eat, can God spread a table in the wilderness? So I began
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to say, can God himself deliver me from this place, And as it
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was not for many years that any hopes appeared, this prevailed very often upon
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my thoughts. But however, the words made a great impression upon me,
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and I mused upon them very often. It grew now late, and the
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tobacco had, as I said, dozed my head so much that I inclined
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to sleep. So I left my lamp burning in the cave lest I should
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want anything in the night, and went to bed. But before I lay
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down, I did what I never had done in all my life. I
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kneeled down and prayed to God to fulfill the promise to me that if I
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called upon Him in the day of trouble, he would deliver me. After
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my broken and imperfect prayer was over, I drank the rum in which I
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had steeped the tobacco, which was so strong and rank of the tobacco that
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I could scarcely get it down. Immediately upon this I went to bed.
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I found presently it flew up into my head violently. But I fell into
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a sound sleep and waked no more till by the sun it must necessarily be
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near three o'clock in the afternoon the next day. Nay, to this hour.
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I am partly of opinion that I slept all the next day and night
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till almost three days after, for otherwise I know not how I should lose
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a day out of my reckoning in the days of the week, as it
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appeared some years after I had done. For if I had lost it by
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crossing and recrossing the line, I should have lost more than one day.
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But certainly I lost a day in my account, and never knew why be
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that. However, one way or the other, when I awake, I
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found myself exceedingly refreshed, and my spirits lively and cheerful. When I got
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up, I was stronger than I was the day before, and in my
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stomach better, for I was hungry, And in short I had no fit
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the next day, but continued much altered for the better. This was the
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twenty ninth. The thirtieth was my well day, of course, and I
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went abroad with my gun, but did not care to travel too far.
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I killed a sea fowl or two, something like a brand goose, and
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brought them home, but was not very forward to eat them. So I
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ate some more of the turtles eggs, which were very good. This evening
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I renewed the medicine which I had supposed did me good the day before the
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tobacco steeped and rum only I did not take so much as before, nor
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did I chew any of the leaf or hold my head over the smoke.
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However, I was not so well the next day, which was the first
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of July, as I hoped it should have been, for I had a
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little spice of the cold fit, but it was not much. July second,
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I renewed the medicine all the three ways and dosed myself with it as
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at first, and double the quantity which I drank. July third, I
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missed the fit for good and all, though I did not recover my full
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strength for some weeks after. While I was thus gathering my strength, my
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thoughts ran exceedingly upon this scripture, I will deliver THEE, and the impossibility
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of my deliverance lay much upon my mind, in bar of my ever expecting
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it. But as I was discouraging myself with such thoughts, it occurred to
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me that I poured so much upon my deliverance from the main affliction that I
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disregarded the deliverance I had received. And I was, as it were,
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made to ask myself such questions as these, That is, have I not
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been delivered, and wonderfully too, from sickness, from the most distressed condition
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that could be? And that was so frightful to me? And what notice
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had I taken of it? Had I done my part? God had delivered
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me, but I had not glorified him, that is to say, I
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had not owned and been thankful for that as a deliverance. And how could
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I expect greater deliverance? This touched my heart very much, and immediately I
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knelt down and gave God thanks aloud for my recovery from my sickness. July
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fourth, in the morning, I took the Bible, and, beginning at
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the New Testament, I began seriously to read it, and imposed upon myself
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to read a while every morning and every night, not tying myself to the
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number of chapters, but long as my thoughts should engage me. It was
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not long after I set seriously to this work that I found my heart more
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deeply and sincerely affected with the wickedness of my past life. The impression of
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my dream revived in the words, all these things have not brought thee to
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repentance, ran seriously through my thoughts. I was earnestly begging of God to
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give me repentance. When it happened providentially the very next day that reading the
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Scripture, I came to these words, he is exalted, a Prince and
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a Savior to give repentance and to give remission. I threw down the book,
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and with my heart as well as my hands, lifted up to heaven
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in a kind of ecstasy of joy, I cried out aloud, Jesus Thou,
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son of David, Jesus Thou, Exalted Prince and Savior, give me
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repentance. This was the first time I could say in the true sense of
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the words that I prayed in all my life. For now I prayed with
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the sense of my condition and a true Scripture view of hope founded on the
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encouragement of the word of God. And from this time, I may say,
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I began to hope that God would hear me. Now I began to
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construe the words mentioned above, call on me, and I will deliver thee
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in a different sense from what I had ever done before. For then I
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had no notion of anything being called deliverance, but my being delivered from the
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captivity I was in for, though I was indeed at large in the place.
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Yet the island was certainly a prison to me, and that in the
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worst sense in the world. But now I learned to take it in another
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sense. Now I look back upon my past life with such horror, and
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my sins appeared so dreadful, that my soul sought nothing of God but deliverance
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from the load of guilt that bore down all my comfort. As for my
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solitary life, it was nothing. I did not so much as pray to
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be delivered from it, or think of it. It was all of no
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consideration in comparison to this. And I add this part here to hint to
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whoever shall read it, that whenever they come to a true sense of things,
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they will find deliverance from sin, a much greater blessing than deliverance from
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affliction. But leaving this part, I returned to my journal. My condition
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began now to be, though not less miserable as to my way of living,
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yet much easier to my mind, and my thoughts, being directed by
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a constant reading the scripture and praying to God to things of a higher nature,
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I had a great deal of comfort within which till now I knew nothing
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of. Also, my health and strength returned. I bestirred myself to furnish
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myself with everything that I wanted and make my way of living as regular as
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I could. From the fourth of July to the fourteenth I was chiefly employed
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in walking about with my gun in my hand, a little and a little
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at a time, as a man that was gathering up his strength after a
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fit of sickness. For it is hardly to be imagined how low I was,
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and to what weakness I was reduced. The application which I made use
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of was perfectly new, and perhaps which had never cured an argue before.
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Neither can I recommend it to any to practice by this experiment. And though
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it did carry off the fit, yet it rather contributed to weakening me,
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for I had frequent convulsions in my nerves and limbs for some time. I
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learned from it also this, in particular, that being abroad in the rainy
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season was the most pernicious thing to my health that could be, especially in
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those rains which came attended with storms and hurricanes of wind. For as the
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rain which came in the dry season was almost always accompanied with such storms.
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So I found that that rain was much more dangerous than the rain which fell
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in September and October. End of Chapter six