Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #375 Not What I Expected?

Transcript

#375 Not What I Expected? · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: wants answers now.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: And I need to have worn anybody who's listening to
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: this that most of them relate to either bums or poohs,
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: a wheeze or penises like that's just pretty much what
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: every parent's like.
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  Speaker 4: I didn't expect this, and now here's the stars of
• 0:26
  Speaker 4: our show.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: My mom and Dad.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Every few hours, I find myself cracking up. I keep
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: on remembering the story that we told on our Monday
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  Speaker 3: podcast about Emily, our seven year old, out the back,
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  Speaker 3: lifting up the dog's tail, toilet paper in hand.
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  Speaker 1: Wiping the dog's bum.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know why that image hasn't left me, but
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  Speaker 3: it's kind of imprinted itself, and I keep on thinking
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  Speaker 3: about it. So I jumped onto Facebook yesterday and oh
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: sorry the day before yesterday, and was writing about that
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  Speaker 3: on Facebook, and then I just said, I'm just curious,
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: what have your kids done that made you feel as though?
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: This is not what I expected? And I thought today
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: we should talk about that, Kylie, what do you think?
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  Speaker 2: As I've been reading the comments, I literally hands down.
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  Speaker 2: I had to pick the phone up just after I
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  Speaker 2: read a story that just cracked.
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  Speaker 5: Me up, and I think the person thought I was
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  Speaker 5: being like.
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  Speaker 2: Weird, weird, Yes, totally weird, but I couldn't I couldn't
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  Speaker 2: stop laughing.
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  Speaker 3: It was terrible, which is really nice because after a
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: week of you crying about your haircut, it was nice
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: to see a smile.
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  Speaker 1: On your face.
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  Speaker 3: Don't don't talk about getting it fixed. That's all I'm saying,
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: getting it fixed and not going back to where we
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: went to. Hey, so I should introduce us.
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  Speaker 1: I'm justin.
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  Speaker 5: I'm Kylie.
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  Speaker 3: We're the parents of six kids on the founder of
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  Speaker 3: happy Families dot com dot U, and the author of
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  Speaker 3: six books about raising a happy family. So I was
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: thinking after we talked about our child and her wiping
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  Speaker 3: the dog's bum, like, why what I was? I was
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: thinking about it, and I just thought, I wonder if
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  Speaker 3: I wonder if there's anything else that has happened with
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: our kids we've gone. I knew that being a parent
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: would provide us with all kinds of interest scenarios, but
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: this is not what I expected, and I thought.
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  Speaker 1: Of one literally immediately. You know what I didn't expect.
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  Speaker 3: I didn't expect that every single child would constantly saying,
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: can I please watch this?
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  Speaker 1: Yet? Am I old enough to watch this? When can
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I watch that?
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  Speaker 3: Our kids have got this obsession with being because we've
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: got really clear limits on letting them see different kinds
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: of content on screens, and they're just constantly at us.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: When do I get to watch the Marvel comic movies?
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  Speaker 3: When do I get to do this? When I And
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  Speaker 3: it's so tiring. I did not expect to be so
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  Speaker 3: tired as a parent, really really did not expect to
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: be so tired as a parent, So tired.
• 2:37
  Speaker 5: So tired.
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  Speaker 2: I didn't expect that every child would have an opinion
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  Speaker 2: about everyone life.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and try to parent all of our children for us,
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  Speaker 3: so that we couldn't do it ourselves.
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  Speaker 5: While we're in the room.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know.
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  Speaker 2: I remember trying to parent my sisters when my parents
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  Speaker 2: would leave me to babysit, But I don't I don't
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  Speaker 2: ever remember taking over mum and dad's job while they
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: were literally.
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  Speaker 5: Sitting in the room.
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  Speaker 3: I didn't expect that it would be so hard to
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: get through a conversation.
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  Speaker 1: Without an interruption. Oh, six daughters might do that to you.
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  Speaker 2: Even yesterday, we sat down to have lunch and one
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  Speaker 2: of our children had stayed home from school because she
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: was feeling unweir well, and she.
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  Speaker 5: Literally walked in while you and I trying.
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  Speaker 1: To have a conversation.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yes, and she hadn't to tell us all of
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  Speaker 2: this stuff. And you know, I love her and I
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  Speaker 2: love that she wants to talk. But I literally had
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  Speaker 2: to say, Dad and I have about ten minutes. We're
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  Speaker 2: eating lunch. We just want to have a conversation uninterrupted.
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  Speaker 3: But then instead of leaving the room, she's like, huh okay,
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  Speaker 3: And so she just kind of hovered while I'm looking
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  Speaker 3: at you, like I really want to talk to you
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  Speaker 3: about stuff, but not while.
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  Speaker 1: She's here, Like, go on, give us some space.
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  Speaker 3: Didn't expect the constant intrusion on our space from big
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  Speaker 3: kids as well as little kids. So anyway, we jumped
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  Speaker 3: onto Facebook. All I jumped on Facebook and I wrote
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  Speaker 3: this post and I said, so, what happened with you?
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  Speaker 3: What were you not expecting? And can I read a
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  Speaker 3: couple of these to you?
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  Speaker 5: Oh? Only I'm allowed to read a few. Two.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, I'm going to go with my favorite one first.
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  Speaker 3: And I need to warn anybody who's listening to this
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: that most of them relate to either bums or pose
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: a wheeze or penises like that's just pretty much what
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  Speaker 3: every parents are like.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't expect this.
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  Speaker 3: One mum said this some of the things I've said
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  Speaker 3: that I never thought I would.
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  Speaker 1: But I can't even say it. Please don't color in.
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  Speaker 4: Your sorry, Please don't color in your brother's bum hole
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  Speaker 4: with that text. Can you imagine that you're walking into
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: the room and here's the kid with the art line
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  Speaker 4: black neco no permanent market dot.
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  Speaker 1: Do it?
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  Speaker 4: Don't do it?
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  Speaker 3: And the same mum wrote The other thing that I
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  Speaker 3: never thought that I would say was.
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  Speaker 1: Why why are you licking the pole?
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  Speaker 2: Just believing it reminds me one about children licked a
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  Speaker 2: pole in the middle of winter.
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  Speaker 3: We were joking about it and she decided to try it.
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  Speaker 3: He's another one, another one that I thought was very, very,
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: very funny. This mom says my third child had an
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: obsession with sucking on the toilet brush. We had to
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: be so vigilant with keeping the doors closed to the bathrooms.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Still makes me feel sick. And my fourth child used
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: to nearly make himself vomit in the car by shoving
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: his shoelaces down his throat.
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  Speaker 1: Kids are so weird.
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  Speaker 5: We had a child who used to like sitting in
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  Speaker 5: the toilet bowl.
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  Speaker 1: Do you remember that? Yes, climate she wouldn't look at
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  Speaker 1: us with practice Where I am, this is where the
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  Speaker 1: action is Mum.
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  Speaker 3: One of my absence taking a bath my way, I'm
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  Speaker 3: washing my feet in the bath.
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  Speaker 5: Well, if it wasn't the toilet bowl, it was the
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  Speaker 5: dog's drink bowl. Used to sit.
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  Speaker 3: Same kid used to kick the dog out of the
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  Speaker 3: dog kennel so that she could sleep in it.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, one of my favorites.
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  Speaker 2: And this is something that I think every parent, I
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: mean every parent has experienced this.
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  Speaker 5: Yep, taking toddlers into public toilet cubicles.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I know the one you're going to share
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: this she's so good.
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  Speaker 5: So everyone has had the moment when the toddler says,
• 6:19
  Speaker 5: did you just do a wee bummy?
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  Speaker 1: Yay for you, because we are bored the kids when
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: they finally do it themselves.
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  Speaker 2: So she took it to the next step. She just
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: said another time the same child, are you doing a
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: pool mummy? Is it going to smell bad like daddy's poos?
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  Speaker 2: I don't think I want to be in here if
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  Speaker 2: you're going to do a poo, she starts to try
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  Speaker 2: to open the door.
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  Speaker 5: How many times have you sat in the toilet and
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  Speaker 5: they've tried to open the door.
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  Speaker 1: You're literally on the toilet so bad.
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  Speaker 3: Don't ever take kids to shops, and especially don't ever
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  Speaker 3: go to a public toilet for you when you've got
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  Speaker 3: them and they're not needing to do it.
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  Speaker 5: Oh.
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  Speaker 3: Another one said, I really wasn't prepared for the number
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  Speaker 3: of times I would have to say, keep your penis
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  Speaker 3: to yourself.
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  Speaker 1: See, we have girls.
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  Speaker 3: Never had to say that one that don't really want
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  Speaker 3: to ever have to say that one to anybody, just
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  Speaker 3: saying I just want to be clear about that. Don't
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  Speaker 3: ever want to have to say that one, keep your
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  Speaker 3: penis to yourself. And another one that made me laugh
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  Speaker 3: as well was this one one of our five children.
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  Speaker 1: We have two boys.
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  Speaker 3: One of the two boys tasted his poo to see
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  Speaker 3: what it was like, and then proceeded to tell everybody
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  Speaker 3: at school in show and tell.
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  Speaker 2: A phrase I never thought I would leave. That would
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  Speaker 2: leave my lips. Son, get your finger out of the
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  Speaker 2: dog's body.
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  Speaker 1: That's gross.
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  Speaker 3: If you've not already gathered this is the content of
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: our podcast today We're just going to laugh at the
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: dumb things that kids do, the situations that we find
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: ourselves in that we did not expect, and we have
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  Speaker 3: saved some real doozies for right after the break.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: It's a Happy Famili's podcast for a happier family.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: Try a Happy Family's membership, because a happy family doesn't
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: just happen.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: Details at happy families dot com dot au. It's the
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Happy Famili's Podcast, the podcast for the time poor parent
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  Speaker 2: who just wants answers now and today, we are just
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: having a laugh.
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  Speaker 3: In a state of never ending wonder and awe at
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: the way that our children surprise us with the situations
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  Speaker 3: that we find ourselves.
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  Speaker 1: In that we never expected to find.
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  Speaker 2: Why is it that it's always pooh, we bums penises?
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  Speaker 3: Why so, do you remember years and years and years
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: ago when our eldest was only probably i don't know,
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  Speaker 3: three four five, something like that, and she was hanging
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  Speaker 3: out with her cousins.
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  Speaker 1: You walked into grandma's.
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  Speaker 2: Room very quiet, which are always a warning sign it's
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: very quiet if the kids are quiet.
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  Speaker 5: We knew the kids were upstairs.
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  Speaker 2: But it had gotten really, really quiet, and so my
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: mother in law looked at me, and she said, do
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: you know what the kids are up too?
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  Speaker 5: So let me just go check.
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  Speaker 2: So I quietly walked up the stairs, opened the door
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  Speaker 2: just to crack to see what was going on, and
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: I wasn't prepared for one. One of the children is
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: lying face down on the bed with their pants down. Well,
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: the other child has found my father in law's credit
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: card which was on his bedside table and there you
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: seeing the bumble crack as the card swaps.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: Did you ever wash those credit cards so that my
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: dad didn't have to touch the modey?
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Did you just walk out and leave them to it?
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  Speaker 5: I don't even remember. I was literally a scarred card
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  Speaker 5: for life.
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  Speaker 1: I just I love it. This is not what I expected.
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  Speaker 3: Is the name of today's podcast for a very good reason,
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: because you just you would never pick it. A couple
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: of other ones that stood out to me from some
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: very very funny Facebook followers at doctor Justin Colson's Happy
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: Families on Facebook. One mum said, my daughter was sitting
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: on my lap at three years old to vomit down
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  Speaker 3: my top and my boobs caught it all.
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  Speaker 1: That wasn't the surprising part.
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  Speaker 3: The fact that I actually preferred the vomit there rather
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: than the shaggy rug was my unexpected moment. Oh thank goodness,
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: I landed on me and not the carpet, of all
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: the places that it could land at least.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, it wipes off skin.
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  Speaker 3: Pretty well, right, not a nice feeling. And the other
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  Speaker 3: one that really cracked me up was was this one.
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  Speaker 1: My mum just said.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: I'd bought a new dice in vacuum and had left
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: the old one out.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: For my husband to put in his workshop.
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  Speaker 3: Anyway, I was resting after feeding bub and I could
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: hear my boys giggles, and I'm thinking, what the hell
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: are they doing. I go out on the verandah and
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: find my two boys with their nappies off, having a
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: great old time with their pants off, covered in love
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  Speaker 3: bites over their privates from the vacuum, sticking there.
• 10:52
  Speaker 6: Willies inside the vacuum plank I and giving themselves great
• 10:57
  Speaker 6: big vacuum cleaners. She said that they were only about
• 11:00
  Speaker 6: four or five years old something like that. They're now
• 11:02
  Speaker 6: fifteen and seventeen. Still laugh about it. What a great story.
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: Oh God, so good, so good. There's another one here.
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  Speaker 2: I had been with Mister three and Miss one at
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: the time, went to put on a load of washing
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  Speaker 2: and came back to seeing them sitting on mister three's
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: bed with our laptop, soapy water and a scrubbing brush.
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  Speaker 5: No, proudly cleaning daddy's pewter.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: Oh no, first time I've ever had to drain a
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: laptop at the same.
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  Speaker 1: I wonder if it was still working. Didn't expect that.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Just a couple of other ones.
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  Speaker 3: And then we'll wrap this up and let you get
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: on with your day, because this is the podcast for
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: the time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: Years ago, my twin daughters, says one mum three at
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: the time, had an argument. One was playing with an
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: imaginary plane and the other one wanted it. I said, well,
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: you can just imagine your own one, but she wanted
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: her sisters. So then when she did imagine her own
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: imaginary plane, she got upset because it wasn't the right color.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: I just, how do you logic with a child like that?
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: Unreal?
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: And the other one that really caught my attention and
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: made me think, wow, I wasn't expecting to have to
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: deal with this. A steak knife duel on the trampoline.
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: Can you imagine walking out of the backyard and seeing
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: the kids fighting sword fights with steak knife's volnead, jumping
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: up and down the trampoline. It's like somebody called child
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: protection quick and yet this is what kids do. Please,
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: please don't call child protection if you see someone doing this,
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: because kids don't know. They just goof off, they have fun,
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: They make all sorts of well, they had their moments,
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: don't they, And then they give us our moments as well.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: My sixteen month old was sitting on the toilet with
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: a seat producer, probably after his nap, because that's an
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: easy time to get him to do a pee, not
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: toilet trained. Yet I asked for a high five to
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: distract him because it was taking him a while to pee.
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: He didn't go from my hand, and.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: So I uttered the immortal phrase, stop high fiving your pennis.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: Story after story about bums and penises and poohs.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I remember, we should wrap this up.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: I just remembered as well, one of ours when she
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: was younger, she did a pooh in the pool area,
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: just literally crouched down right there on the pool edge.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: And before we had an opportunity to kind of work
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: out how we were going to pick it up and
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: dispose of it.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: The dog ran over to the pooh and ate it.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Do you remember that?
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  Speaker 3: Literally it was gone? And once again I didn't expect that.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: This is not what I was expecting when I had kids.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: The purpose of today's podcast is really just to have
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: a laugh and to recognize that kids will do stuff that.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: Well.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: You can take it really seriously, or you can just
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: laugh and say that's kids.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: That's having kids.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: In the heat of the moment, sometimes we get so
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: caught up in everything and we forget to just take
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: a deep breath and realize that there is lots worse
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: going on around. Yeah, you know, the kids decided to
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: give me a pamper for Mother's Day.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: Flooded, the bathroom flooded, the bus flooded, the rumpus room flooded,
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: the house.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: But that story is going to be completely blazoned into
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: the Colson family history.
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: Now, Yeah, we're going to tell that story every year,
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: year in, year out, and.
• 14:16
  Speaker 5: You'll get more laughs out of it than you'll ever
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: get Aggs.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks so much for listening to the podcast.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: Please go and have a laugh with your family about
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: all the dumb things that they've done, and just enjoy
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: and savor those moments because they really are delightful. Didn't
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: expect that, and that's really part of the joy of
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: family life. The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: Ruland from Bridge Media.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Craig Bruce is our executive producer.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: Craig, thanks for letting us say pooh and balm and
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: we and penis so many times in today's podcast.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: We know it's not normal, and we won't do it again,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: we promise.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: If you'd like more information about how you can make
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: your family happier, please check out our Happy Families memberships.
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: They've made such a difference in so many families. You
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: can find all the info at happy families dot com
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: dot a.
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: You eight