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A New Beginning After a Major Loss · The World Knowledge

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Well, good afternoon, listeners. Thank you so much for listening
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: to Lament of Hope podcast. As you guys know, we
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: are nearing our 300th episode, which is amazing. And so
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: many people from around the world with different struggles and stories.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: And it's all because of you guys and your support.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm super grateful. I feel like I have to
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: say that every time I start because I just it
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: always blows me away when I think about it.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: When it became terminal. So I was younger when I
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: first got sick, when I got the terminal prognosis, I
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  Speaker 2: was 29. But, you know, being so young, I am
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: being sick. I still struggle with a lot of self-image issues. I,
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: you know, I have problems with that, but there's like,
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  Speaker 2: Facebook groups and support groups and they like teach you
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  Speaker 2: how to wear makeup with oxygen cannulas and do all
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: these kind of things to make you feel better and
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: you know which is which is pretty vain but if
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  Speaker 2: you're feeling good one day I'm like you know what
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  Speaker 2: I do want to put on makeup and feel like
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  Speaker 2: I'm a little normal today and and let's you know
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  Speaker 2: do what we can when we can and and it
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: It helps, you know, brushing your hair, getting ready, doing things.
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  Speaker 2: It does. It just kind of gives you a little
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  Speaker 2: bit more energy and makes you feel a little better.
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  Speaker 2: So I get a lot of judgments like that. If I,
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  Speaker 2: you know, well, you don't look like you're sick or,
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: you know, you're not in pain if you're smiling. But
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  Speaker 2: that comes with it. Everybody's journey is different and it's
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  Speaker 2: hard to understand. when you're not there and walking that,
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  Speaker 2: that path. But it's a common, it's a common judgment
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  Speaker 2: for chronically ill people.
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  Speaker 1: And when you were told that you were terminal at 29,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: they thought you wouldn't live how long?
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  Speaker 2: They gave me three years. So in May of 2015, um,
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: would have been my, my three year mark.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: That's, and I mean, you're now in your forties, right?
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm 42 now.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, how do you feel about that? Does that
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  Speaker 1: make you mixed emotions? Because, I mean, obviously you're in pain.
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  Speaker 1: So I wonder if there's some days maybe you really
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  Speaker 1: would like to be done.
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  Speaker 2: I actually was sharing a video with my husband this
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  Speaker 2: morning that I don't even remember making. But I was
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  Speaker 2: in 2020. was probably the worst I ever got I
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: got pneumonia and within a couple of days became septic
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  Speaker 2: I was on a ventilator for a little over a
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  Speaker 2: month and then in ICU for gosh three or four
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: months I was in ICU and while I was there
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  Speaker 2: I made a video to send to a woman that
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  Speaker 2: I dearly dearly love Barbara and I don't think I
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  Speaker 2: ever even sent it to her but she works with
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  Speaker 2: a patients rights action fund and it was me in
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  Speaker 2: the ICU and telling her how difficult it was and
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  Speaker 2: how painful it was and it was probably the most
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: traumatizing experience of my life it was really the facility
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: I was in was not uh, was not what it
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: should have been. And, uh,