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Perfectionism Makes Me Indecisive — What Can I Do? · Pastor John Piper's answers

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  Speaker 1: Good Monday morning. Thanks for listening as we enter the
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  Speaker 1: final weeks of our Bible reading plan in twenty twenty four,
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  Speaker 1: let me know what you think. Did you join us
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  Speaker 1: in reading your Bible this year? Did it encourage you
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  Speaker 1: to hang with it? Perhaps this is your first time
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  Speaker 1: reading the whole Bible in a year. Maybe you started
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  Speaker 1: and dropped out. Whatever happened, I'd love to know how
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  Speaker 1: we can better serve your commitment to reading the whole Bible.
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  Speaker 1: In twenty twenty five, we may do this again. I
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  Speaker 1: thought that Navigator's Bible reading plan worked really well as
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  Speaker 1: sort of a substructure to organize our Bible questions throughout
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  Speaker 1: the year and to map them onto our current reading.
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  Speaker 1: But you tell me. Email me your thoughts at ask
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  Speaker 1: Pastor John at Desiring Good at dot org and put
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  Speaker 1: Bible reading in the subject line if you would. Thursday,
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  Speaker 1: we looked at perfectionism through the eyes of a high
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  Speaker 1: school student to win our good grades. Good enough, great question.
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  Speaker 1: Today we're back to the topic of perfectionism and how
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  Speaker 1: it makes us indecisive in our later years. How do
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  Speaker 1: we overcome the paralys is a perfectionistic indecision in important
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  Speaker 1: life decisions? The challenge faced by two retirees, Elisa and
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  Speaker 1: her husband, a couple with a historical connection to you.
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  Speaker 1: Pastor John. Elisa writes with a story and a dilemma.
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  Speaker 1: I low, Pastor John, thanks for your ministry over all
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  Speaker 1: these years. Incidentally, we she and her husband, we met
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  Speaker 1: you as Post Stanford's students attending Inner Varsity's Western Leadership
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  Speaker 1: Conference somewhere around nineteen eighty five. I was one of
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  Speaker 1: the worship leaders of the conference and vividly remember you
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  Speaker 1: speaking on Christian hedonism, a life changing paradigm for us.
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  Speaker 1: Now that we're empty nesters, my husband and I are
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  Speaker 1: asking the question how do we spend the next portion
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  Speaker 1: of our lives? However, for better or for worse. My
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  Speaker 1: dear husband is something of a perfectionist and doesn't want
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  Speaker 1: to make a mistake in answering this important question. So
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  Speaker 1: the question becomes, when the stakes are so high, how
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  Speaker 1: do you not become paralyzed with fear of making a mistake?
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  Speaker 2: I have to ask why, how can you be a
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  Speaker 2: perfectionist as an empty dester? How can you live that
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  Speaker 2: long and still be a perfectionist? Well, anyway, he is,
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  Speaker 2: so we get to deal with this. So at least,
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  Speaker 2: So this is wonderful to be reminded of those days
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  Speaker 2: at Stanford. I remember them, and I remember them pretty
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  Speaker 2: clearly for reasons that are not altogether positive. Because I
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  Speaker 2: remember that the leader of the inniversity group and I
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  Speaker 2: were moving in different directions. It seemed. I'm going to
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  Speaker 2: close with that in just just a few minutes and
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  Speaker 2: apply that to your situation. So here are the things
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  Speaker 2: that come to my mind. And I'm exactly in your situation.
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  Speaker 2: You're younger than I am, but I'm thinking about that
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  Speaker 2: kind of question. So here my thoughts. Number one. One
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  Speaker 2: of the best ways to overcome the fear perfectionistic fear
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  Speaker 2: of making a mistake in what you decide to do
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  Speaker 2: is to realize that deciding nothing is the biggest mistake.
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  Speaker 2: There's your there's your deal breaker that'll get you going.
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  Speaker 2: In other words, you're not in a neutral zone. There
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  Speaker 2: are no neutral zones. Not to move toward a god
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  Speaker 2: sized goal in this next season of your life is
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  Speaker 2: to disobey. So standing still is not an option because
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  Speaker 2: it means you're drifting. You're never standing still. You're drifting,
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  Speaker 2: and you're coasting with the culture and the way of
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  Speaker 2: the world. That's first thing. Second thing, God loves to
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  Speaker 2: steer a moving ship. If you're tied up in the
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  Speaker 2: harbor of comfort and leisure, God ordinarily will not give
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  Speaker 2: you clear direction. He gives direction to captains who point
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  Speaker 2: their ship out of the harbor into the storm. Think
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  Speaker 2: about Jonah, kind of a counterintuitive illustration. Even Jonah was
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  Speaker 2: moving in exactly the wrong direction and God stopped him.
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  Speaker 2: He didn't send him home, say start over. He didn't
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  Speaker 2: send him home. He made that journey part of the journey,
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  Speaker 2: and he sent exactly where he wanted to me, not
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  Speaker 2: exactly in the way he wanted, but he got him
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  Speaker 2: where he wanted to go because he was moving. Number three.
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  Speaker 2: One of the ways to be moving without knowing exactly
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  Speaker 2: where you're going is what I might call investigative moving.
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  Speaker 2: You're moving when you are pursuing possibilities with serious investigation,
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  Speaker 2: That too is moving. Number four. Take heart from the
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  Speaker 2: many promises of God that in his great mercy, he
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  Speaker 2: will give you the guidance you need when you trust him.
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  Speaker 2: For example, Psalm twenty five eight, Good and upright is
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  Speaker 2: the Lord. Therefore he instructs sinners in the way, so
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  Speaker 2: we qualify right. He instruct sinners in the way he
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  Speaker 2: leads the humble people who know their sinners and admit
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  Speaker 2: it and cry out. He leads the humble in what
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  Speaker 2: is right. He teaches the humble his way. That is
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  Speaker 2: a precious promise of guidance. Number five. Pursue with all
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  Speaker 2: your might what is crystal clear as God's will in scripture,
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  Speaker 2: for example, first Thessalonians four three. This is the will
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  Speaker 2: of God for Elisa and her husband. Your sanctification, your holiness.
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  Speaker 2: If you have a full, deep, wide, rich understanding of holiness,
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  Speaker 2: it's not bad advice to say, pursue holiness with all
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  Speaker 2: your might and do as you please God. Just do,
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  Speaker 2: just do, because if you are passionate about being holy
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  Speaker 2: and maximizing your love of God, then it'll happen. God
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  Speaker 2: loves to give direction, fruitful direction to lovers of holiness
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  Speaker 2: who pursue it with all their hearts. Number six, in
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  Speaker 2: this process of prayer and investigation, dream bigger than aging
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  Speaker 2: fatalism would allow you. I find in my own heart
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  Speaker 2: at age seventy the temptation to think I don't have
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  Speaker 2: long to live, so I should be probably restricted in
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  Speaker 2: my dreams of what I can accomplish. Now, I think
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  Speaker 2: that's a mistake. I think it's a serious mistake, and
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  Speaker 2: I'm trying to strive against that thought. I have no
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  Speaker 2: idea how long I have left. You don't either. I
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  Speaker 2: never have had any idea how long I have left.
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  Speaker 2: When I was younger, I assumed that I could accomplish
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  Speaker 2: more simply because of the amount of time that was
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  Speaker 2: in front of me. Probably, But in fact the accomplishments
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  Speaker 2: came because of God's blessing on a particular season. It
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  Speaker 2: wasn't the length of life. It was the power of seasons.
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  Speaker 2: And who knows, who knows what you might accomplish in
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  Speaker 2: the next season. So don't let the fatalism of aging
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  Speaker 2: limit your dreams of fruitfulness. And the last thing relates
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  Speaker 2: to Stanford nineteen eighty five. One of the reasons I
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  Speaker 2: look back with some sadness on those Christian hedonism talks
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  Speaker 2: is because little by little, as the series of messages
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  Speaker 2: went on, I saw myself, through interacting with students and
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  Speaker 2: the leader, I saw myself going in a different direction.
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  Speaker 2: And then the inner varsity leader at the time, his
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  Speaker 2: stress was on the wonder and the glory of the
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  Speaker 2: fact that God works for us. We are not God's
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  Speaker 2: employees trying to earn wages. We are the patience of
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  Speaker 2: the great physician who is using all his wisdom and
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  Speaker 2: his skill to serve us and our eternal health. And
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  Speaker 2: that's true, and I love it, love it. But the
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  Speaker 2: note I was striking then and have been ever since,
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  Speaker 2: was when God works for us, the goal of his
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  Speaker 2: work is to fit us for enjoying God himself. That's
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  Speaker 2: what the physician does. Not Like any earthly physician, This
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  Speaker 2: heavenly physician is trying to get our disease healed. That
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  Speaker 2: makes us find substitutes for God, so that in our
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  Speaker 2: wellness we will see Him, know Him, love Him, be said,
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  Speaker 2: satisfied in him. God himself is the all satisfying treasure.
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  Speaker 2: And as I recall, the students back then began to
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  Speaker 2: discern a different trajectory between me and the leader. So
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  Speaker 2: here's the way it relates to you in your case. Now,
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  Speaker 2: the question, perhaps finally, is this what new vision for
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  Speaker 2: our next chapter of life would cause us to taste
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  Speaker 2: most fully the power of God, the wisdom of God,
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  Speaker 2: the grace of God in our lives? How can we
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  Speaker 2: get more of God? And I think if that's the passion.
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  Speaker 2: God will show you the answer. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you, Pastor John, and thanks for joining us today.
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  Speaker 1: If you are of retiree or about to become one,
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  Speaker 1: see the APJA episodes that I put together in one
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  Speaker 1: digest on retirement, snowbirding, and finishing well in the Ask
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  Speaker 1: Pastor John book on pages four twenty nine to four
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  Speaker 1: thirty nine. I hope that serve you as you make
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  Speaker 1: great use of the podcast archive as you move into
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  Speaker 1: this next stage of life, a very key, important and
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  Speaker 1: strategic one for many couples who can do more ministry
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  Speaker 1: than normal. And remember to email me your thoughts on
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  Speaker 1: the Bible reading plan we use this year. Ask Pastor
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  Speaker 1: John at Desiring Good dot org and put Bible reading
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  Speaker 1: in the subject line. Let me know how should we
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  Speaker 1: not respond to suffering us next time? A bad example?
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  Speaker 1: Bad example we're about to read about in job chapter two.
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  Speaker 1: I'm Tony Ranky. Let's see you on Thursday.