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Authentic Power: Embracing Challenges and Overcoming Resistance · Your Thoughts Your Reality

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuro encoding science, empowering these Hello, hello, hello everybody.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Society Forging a New Path Forward.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Hello, hello, hello everybody.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: We are honored to welcome back a bold and truly a visionary leader, my dear friend Tina Parker.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Here's why she's the perfect voice for today's conversation.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Truly, she's a retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel with over two decades of military leadership experience.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: She's a former C-level executive who understands both missionary-driven strategy and, most importantly, human connection.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: She's a founder of Lead Outside the Lines, which is a movement dedicated to helping leaders break the mold and lead with heart, which I cannot tell you.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: This lady that's where she is Holds a master's in leadership and is certified in both neuron coding and brain health coaching, blending science with soulful leadership.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: And, of course, she's passionate about guiding individuals to lead without masks, empowering others not through force, but through authentic influence.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: So today we're going to be talking about leading with authentic power, especially with resistance.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: We're going to be talking about leading with authentic power, especially with resistance.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: So I think most people don't really realize how important it is to understand resistance and really use that in your life.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: So, Tina, before we get started, will you tell us just a little bit more about yourself?
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, thank you, michael, for having me on again.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: I'm always looking forward to coming on and being with you and serving your audience.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: So, for those that haven't tuned in before, I am retired lieutenant colonel after 23 years serving in the Air Force.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: Part of that time was active duty, part of that time was as a reservist and for me the way this work came to be in my life is I've kind of been a leadership junkie my whole life, like my first.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: My first leadership conference was eighth grade and I drank the Kool-Aid and I'm like I'm all in but so.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: But I will say I will share that.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: Part of what I recognized throughout my military career is that we have so much leadership training that we get, and something that I kept connecting to was yes, but how do I lead myself?
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: How do I help myself regulate so that I can lead others?
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: Well, because if I'm frazzled, if I'm overwhelmed, if I'm feeling like I'm at the edge of my capacity, I'm not showing up in my full essence.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Part of my story, which I've shared before, is I was the person doing, doing, doing all the things right, feeling like I had to be everything to everyone and show up in every capacity and never say no and always be the go-to person, and I wasn't able to fully regulate myself and be in my own authentic power.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: It was always about everybody else, and I had breakdowns in my life that caused me to not be able to fully show up Health issues, losing a child, divorce, you know all of those things that are very disruptive in somebody's life, and so what I found is that this kind of work that we're going to talk about today is what allowed me, and has allowed my clients and other people that have been doing this work, to really show up in our full capacity, in our authentic leadership, our authentic power, and serve at our greatest because we ourselves are regulated, grounded and present serve at our greatest because we ourselves are regulated, grounded and present.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely fantastic, and I am super excited about this conversation and there's so much to Tina's story.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: So anybody that listens to her and loves her today because you will go back and listen to other podcast episodes I'm pretty sure she's been on the show more than anybody else and there's a reason why.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Ladies and gentlemen, so before we really dive in, I just want to remind everybody in the top right-hand corner of the screen there's a blue QR code.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: It takes you to empowerperformancestrategiescom, for people listening on the podcast forums.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Later Again, empowerperformancestrategiescom there are free e-books for veterans and their families.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: There are Facebook groups and all kinds of good stuff.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Be part of our community and help join the mission to help veterans and their families, please.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: With that said, my dear friend, so let's kind of just dive in, if you will.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: What's the main thing you want to talk about today?
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: Let's just dive in with that.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: There's so many things that we can talk about, so I'll come on again and we'll talk about something else, but today, I think, where it comes into us being in our authentic power, I really want to talk about the role of resistance.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: Yes, and when we feel resistance in our lives, it doesn't actually mean what we think it means.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: So talk about that and that's why I wanted to kind of lead into it.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: So resistance, so I mean there's personal resistance, there's outside forces resistance.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: So you know, with leading, with authentic power, what do you think are some of the most important aspects of dealing with and winning against resistance?
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely so.
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: First, it's what is authentic power?
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Right, the term power can sometimes have a connotation to people in a very hierarchical, masculine kind of way, but masculine power is not bad.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: It's just when we're thinking about, well, it's this power that I have over someone else, it's this thumb that I can put on something?
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: No, it's not about that at all.
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: It's about us being able to really tap into what do we need?
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: What are our genius gifts?
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: How do I myself show up in my full power so that I could have the greatest conditions, I can create the greatest conditions for positive outcomes in my life and the lives of others?
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: All right, so that's really what authentic power means.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: And so a lot of times, when we are up against something really big, like if we're leaders, which means we push the envelope, which means we step into situations that don't feel familiar, they don't feel safe because it's new, it's big, right.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: And when that's the case, we can feel this resistance and it can feel like shut down, like oh, I can't handle this.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: It can feel like overwhelmed, like whoa, there's way too much here for me.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: It can feel like a lot of different things, but what's really important to remember about it is it's only a clue we're onto something that is beyond our familiar zone, right, our comfort zone, okay, and so we might feel resistance in something that's not good for us.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: So there is a key here.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: There's discernment, like our own discernment of is this resistance because I'm afraid of the unknown, which that's not a bad thing, that's just recognizing I'm expanding my capacity.
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: Or am I feeling resistance because this is really not aligned for me and I am not supposed to be here?
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm glad you bring that up, Tina.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: I really am, because there's such a difference, and especially with leaders, and I want you to jump back in where you were.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: But I think it's super important everybody to really listen to what she just said, because it's so easy, especially as leaders, as movers, as you know the people that just get things done to to just say oh no, I'm just pushing past it and it gets you in trouble, you know, because if you're not leading with your authentic power and integrity, everything's going to go out of whack, right.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: That's exactly right, yeah, and.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: I'm really glad you brought that up about the whole suck it up, buttercup, push through.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: You know you can do this Like, yeah, there's a time and a place for that.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: When you have discerned, yes, I'm on the authentic path for me, yes, I am in integrity with what I'm about to step into, like that's fine.
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: When that has happened, then it's the okay, this is something new.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: I get to expand my capacity and grow, and in order for me to do that, I get to reframe.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: What does this resistance mean for me?
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: And so it isn't just as easy as saying, well, I'm feeling resistance, guess I should lean in.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Okay, you know, you might be falling off the side of a cliff and your brain is going, hey, let's not do this, right.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: So so you really have to discern is this in alignment?
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: This, whatever this is that I'm leaning into?
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: Is this in alignment for me?
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: And so, yeah, and so that that is the first thing, first and foremost.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: But the thing to recognize, though, is that when we have decided, okay, yes, I am safe here to do this, yes, I am in alignment and in integrity, this overwhelm or this fear that I'm feeling, it's really, if I allow that, to keep me from leaning in, then I am actually disconnecting myself from my own presence, my own wisdom, my own creativity, right, and so it really is just being it's.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: It's self-awareness is first and foremost, because something I just want to speak into as well is you know, we have a lot of talk about develop your intuition and be able to discern, you know, what's right for you.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: We are born with intuition.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: It's part of the human anatomy, right?
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: We have all of these receptors in our body that is accepting and bringing in energy that we're not even logically paying attention to, right, and so our body understands what's happening, even when our brain doesn't, because our brain just wants to keep us safe.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: That's its job.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: Its job is to keep us safe, keep us comfortable and expend the least amount of energy to do it.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: Right, that's its job.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: But so when our, when our intuition is going woo, this is really big.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: This is good.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: It's trusting the intuition's there.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: What happens is we stop trusting ourselves to listen to it.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: I think that's a great, fantastic point, because how often do we do that?
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, how often does it stop us from amazing things?
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, it does.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: So it's really tuning into it.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: I'm really glad you brought that up because it's really tuning into it.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Because if we don't learn to tune into it and we want to talk about some of the best quick ways, if we will, to do that, so how do we tune into it?
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: How do we know the difference, you know, just because we don't want to stop and say, oh, it's too much, or it's with good things, too Right.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: How often do we get, you know, fear of success in our lives that people don't even realize is a thing.
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: So how do we lean into it and know it's a great thing and keep pushing forward?
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so we all have an inner critic, we all have inner dialogue.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: Right, we make fun of people.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: Oh, they're talking to themselves again, they must be crazy.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: We are always talking to ourselves.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: I mean, every single one of us has this dialogue that is running in our minds all the time, and so, paying attention to what that dialogue is saying, right?
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: So let's say, if you're starting to think to yourself, man, I should be further along by now, well, that is actually an indication like you're feeling impatient, you're feeling frustrated, anger, you want to control the outcome more than it.
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: You know more than you can, maybe, but that is something for you to then pause, right, we've talked about this before.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: The pause notice, choose right, pause and go hold on.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: That's making me feel like, oh, and I'm shutting down and I'm like, gosh, I should be further along.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: That's not helpful.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: That is a form of resistance, because you can feel the wall come up when that happens the emotional wall, the physiological wall.
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: And really it's judgment it is.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: That's exactly what it is, yeah, and that judgment.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: What good is that doing?
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: Nothing.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: It's not helping you get further along.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: So what is the point of?
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: this conversation you're having.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: It literally zaps your energy and hijacks your mind to absolutely the opposite place you want to go.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: Absolutely yes, and so when we hear those things happening in our head, I'm glad you brought judgment up, because then we judge the fact that we're thinking it right, and so we've placed that with some curiosity right.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: There's no judgment.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: Your brain is always going to go there, right, if we can just recognize hey, because of the way my brain is wired, it's just naturally going to go to.
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: You should be further along.
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: There's too much for you to do.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: Why did you take on all this stuff?
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: You can't handle this because it's trying to keep you contained, so you don't go do something that's going to get you killed.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: Right, even though, oh, just cause I stand on stage and speak, that's not going to get me killed, but it can feel like massive fear in my body sometimes, right.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: So our brain doesn't discern, doesn't know the difference.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: It's like I feel the fear I don't do this Right, and so we get to replace the judgment with curiosity and go OK, how might I, what might I do that can help me to get further along?
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: Who do I know who can help me in an area I might feel stuck in?
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: There's all these questions that we can ask, and the who before the how is really important.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: I want to just put a pin in that for a second, because we get stuck in our own minds of I don't know how to do this, I don't, I can't take a step, and then we get.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: We get even more frustrated, we get even more judgmental.
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: But why can't I figure this out?
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: I'm a very capable, smart person.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: I help everybody else.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: What the heck is wrong with me?
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: Right, these things like, don't say these things to yourselves.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: If you wouldn't say that to a friend, you would not sit there and talk to a friend and go.
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: What the heck is wrong with you?
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: You're a smart person, you can figure this out, get your stuff together, right?
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: We, we don't do that.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: We go hey, how can I help you?
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: How can I support you?
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: What do you need?
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: So turn a little bit of that into ourselves, the curiosity and the compassion, and it will open up doors.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: Because what is happening when we get in that rumination in our minds is our body goes into fight mode.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: Right, we've talked about this before, with your sympathetic nervous system, which gets you all revved up into fight, flight freeze, and then your parasympathetic nervous system, which is more about the calm, clarity, centeredness.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: And so how do you function when you're like versus?
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: ah, I love how you just showed that, by the way, If you're listening to this instead of watching it, you can probably hear what I'm saying.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: it you can probably hear it.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: You can listen and hear it.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, you're awesome.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, you know what?
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: Seriously, be curious, not critical, and do that not only with yourself but with people around you, because the judgment doesn't do any good.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: How much more can you learn again with your being curious and asking questions like you were just saying, instead of being yeah, that'll be fun.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: That'll be fun on the podcast for us.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: Instead of being all frazzled and overwhelmed and maxed out.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: That's the sound I made.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: That's the sound.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: So how much difference do you?
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: I mean just think about it for yourselves, just for.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: A second difference Do you?
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: I mean just think about it for yourselves, just for?
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: A second here.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: this is live, let me turn my phone off.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: Awesome, totally right.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: See, this is not pre-recorded.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: It was a brilliant thought.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: But how often just go back and think, how often do I make smart decisions that work in my benefit against resistance, if you will, or anything else in life for that matter when I am stressed out, overwhelmed, have anxiety, dealing with all of those things, compared to when I am confident, nonjudgmental and just moving forward with choices and looking at it calmly, looking at the choices in front of me and I'm going to say, being excited about the choices, because you have choices, people, if you slow down and look, you have choices.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: And that's what people so often and I'm getting a little sidetracked here, we'll come back to it but so often forget, cut down.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: I have choices.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: It's not I have to or I was forced to.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: There's always a choice, even life and death.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: There's a choice.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: I get to choose.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: Amen, amen and the reality is, when we get into this mode of resistance that can either shut us down right, we feel the procrastination, the shutdown, or rev us up Like, ah, I'm not far along, I don't know how I'm going to do this, and we get all crazy about it, like either spectrum is resistance and either spectrum closes us off from seeing those choices, from seeing that there are possibilities, because the reality is your mind, your physiological state, your nervous system goes into the survival mode.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: It's like something's wrong, right, something is not right.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: I am going to shut down my creativity because all I can do is survive right now.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: And when we do that over and over and over which is so easy to do in a world changing so fast that most of us feel like we can't even keep up, right, and there's always something new coming down the pike it's like, well, that is an unknown.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: And when we are faced with unknown, if we don't know how to regulate our own nervous system, we don't know how to recognize when these things are popping up and we make meaning about them.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: That is not true, right.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: Then we go into hyperactivated or hypoactivated state and we are not in our range of regulation.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: We're outside of our own range of regulation and the things that we need access to within our own body and our own mind, they start to shut down Absolutely.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: I really love when you bring that up, because that's how energy drains and how resourceful are you when you feel like all I want to do is go lay down, all I want to do is shut off, all I want to do is zoom scroll or watch game of thrones for the third time on netflix or bed rot and just look at tiktok all day.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: I'm a 13 year old, so that's my whole like get out of bed.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I got news for you.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: It's not just them, it's not.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: It is the number one way people shut off nowadays, next to drugs and alcohol.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: And let's combine them, shall we?
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: Right, it's disconnecting is what it is.
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: We are really connecting from the stress, the overwhelm, the self-doubt, right?
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: If all I do is lay here and scroll through TikTok, nothing can hurt me.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: I can't make a, I can't make anything bad happen, I can't like.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: No, you need to go out, live your life Like this.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: This is how we make change in the world.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: This is how we bring our genius gifts into the world, and every single person has them right.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: We don't tap into them enough and we get stuck in the cycles of fear and self-doubt and procrastination.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: Now, granted, procrastination is a whole nother topic we could have a conversation on, because there are times when it's simply like that wasn't meant for you to do and you were over functioning, right.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: So there's also discernment in there is.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: Is it really procrastination because I'm resisting something, or is it procrastination because I have taken on too much, because I am over functioning, over giving, over compensating, and I need to come back to myself and presence myself?
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for bringing that up, tina and again, as overachievers, as executives, people in general, but how often do you go?
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Oh, I should be doing more.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: I should be doing more.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: What if you said I'm doing?
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: enough, but I could do a little more and I'm going to take it what?
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: would that look like in a way that makes me excited?
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, absolutely, because when you're excited and grateful, your energy is off the charts.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: Right, that is so true.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: And I love that you bring that up, because that was something I had to learn the hard way, part of what happened for me in those four years when I had all of those disruptors happen in my life and I really just had to take a step back.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: I literally had to go part-time at work for a little while, which you don't do in the federal government.
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: I mean, I had to do the research and bring it into my boss and go, hey, I don't want to quit, but I cannot keep doing this this way.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: My body is shutting down, my relationships are falling apart, I am feeling on the brink of tapping out.
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: And I talked to him about it and I said I feel like a way forward could be going part-time for a short amount of time.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: And he was like, uh, we don't do that.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: I said, well, it actually is.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: I did the research and I brought it to him and I said here's the thing I'm thinking, here's the plan, here's the research that says how we can do it.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: What do you think Right?
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: And instead of just I'm just going to barrel through because I'm afraid that I'm not going to be seen as valuable anymore, that I'm like all of these things that we tell ourselves.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: I had to take a break and I just had to.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: And so that went on for about a year.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: I did go part time and when I came back I was so much more refreshed.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: I never tapped out fully, right, I just said, look, this is a time that I'm gonna need to take for myself.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: And I did it, and had I not, I would have continued to spiral down right.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: We've talked about this before how we get ourselves in the downward spiral.
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: It's like swirling around in the toilet bowl and we know where that's going well, that was gross that's what we feel like.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: We're like don't flash.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Please don't anybody touch the flush, because I'm gonna lose it.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: You know I want to.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: I want to talk about some of that.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: First of all, the courageousness it took for you to ask for help right that's not, but I want to also point something out.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: Look how it worked out Exactly.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: Look how it worked out people, because as veterans, as humans, as veterans, family members, everybody we struggle with asking for help.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: We're conditioned, for the most part, not to.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: We are, but when you do, it's a life changer, because then you realize people around you that actually care, yeah, and how much they care and the resources that are there for you, compared to just spinning in your head I'm going to say panicking.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: Because you feel overwhelmed and there's no help and there's no possibilities, and that's when people get in trouble.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: So, by you doing that and thank you for talking about it, because by you doing that and the leader that you went to, because that's a leader that says, yeah, let's figure this out, because Tina's an asset and I know the asset she is and it's way better to figure this out, struggle for a minute, be resourceful, deal with it, and then she's going to come back the rock star or even better than she was before.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: And thank goodness that man or woman was, that man or woman that they were.
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he was my boss was a really wonderful person who always did look for possibilities, all right, was a really wonderful person who always did look for possibilities, all right.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: That that is a key point about this too is I felt massive resistance about having this conversation.
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: I was like this can go one way or another and I had no idea.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: I mean, I trusted the relationship that I had with him, I trusted what I knew about his leadership and his vision and I trusted myself to know okay, however this goes, I'm going to be okay, as long as I know that I am tuning into what I need, what I need to ask for, advocating for myself in a gracious way, right, and then moving forward, and I do want to.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: I do want to talk a little bit about some of the differences between men and women in cases like this, because, yeah, because, so you know, I'm a woman centered coach as well, certified with the Institute of Women-Centered Coaching.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: I know keep trying to get in there, but you won't let me.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: You're like can I put a wig on and just come to your thing?
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: I'll do what I gotta do, Tina I know the value you bring.
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: I love it, but I say that because, like Dr Claire Zammett, who is the founder of the Institute of Women-Centered Coaching, she not only has coached 70,000 women around the world, but she did her entire decade of doctoral research in what are those underlying hidden patterns, hidden blocks, cultural patterns that can impact how women show up and for themselves and in the workplace.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: And the reason that I bring this up is because there are.
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: There are cultural things that happen Like there's an expectation gap that women have, where we are taught maybe not directly to our face, but through life it's imprinted on us that historically, we are only supposed to expect about 50% of what we see men get, which sounds crazy.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: It sounds crazy to say it out loud, but it is this underlying way of well, don't expect too much, Don't be too big, don't take up too much space.
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: Well, god, don't ask for too much.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Gosh, you already asked for so much.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: You better just hold that in Right.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: And so that was a block for me that I had to get beyond, because I was an over giver, probably still am in some capacities, but over giving from a sense of fear, like if I don't show up, they're not going to see me as valuable.
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: I have to give 10 times more so that I'm seen as valuable.
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: Right, that is an underlying pattern that plays out.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: That is a form of hyper-activated resistance.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: I'm resisting the fact that I do have value, I don't have to overdo, I get to take care of myself.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: And it was out of fear of not being seen as valuable, not being seen as enough, not being seen as worthy of the position I was given.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: And so that happens.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: It happens across the board, but it is.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: There's a disparate amount for women, case in point, a woman historically and generally, needs to feel 85 percent confident in her ability to do something in order to put her hat in the ring right, to put in for promotion to go start a business, whatever it is, a man only needs to feel 15%.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: They're like, I'll figure out the rest.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: I got it, no problem, you know.
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: So if we think about that, that, like even my husband, my husband and I we.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: We worked on our house and they're saying I'm like, I'm not going to redo a staircase with wrought iron balusters, like I don't know how to do that.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: He literally said oh, I'll watch a YouTube video, we'll figure it out.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: I was like what?
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: And we did.
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: I mean I would not have done that on my own Right.
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: I mean I would not have done that on my own right.
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: He did, and we did it together and it looks beautiful and it's amazing, right?
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: But but when we think about that, if, if there is so much resistance for women that we don't put our, our name in the hat like a fifth of the time that men do, men will stick their name in the hat five to six times more often than women.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: And it is through us recognizing what are these patterns that are causing some resistance in me.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: Is it actually true?
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: No, it's not Right.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: And how do I regulate myself to feel grounded and presence, grounded in my own presence, so that I can move forward and expand my capacity and grow in ways that are authentically aligned with me?
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: This is the work of our generation.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: And the beautiful thing, tina, is I'm seeing a shift.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: It's been happening for a while and I've talked to many, many strong women leaders, if you will.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: The shift is happening and it's.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: It's a beautiful thing to see, it truly is.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: And we're, we're over time and I don't care, but but I really it's, it's a, it is the shift that's happening and because of people like you standing up and saying you know what?
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we matter.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: You know it's a, it is the shift that's happening and because of people like you standing up and saying you know what?
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we matter.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: You know we, we, we have gifts, we have skills, we have and bring value more than more than the world knows.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: And look out because, because we're about to be set ablaze by the amazingness, I'm just saying yeah.
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: And the important thing, though, too, is like it's not an either or this is not a conversation of the masculine achievement linear pathway was wrong.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: No, not at all.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: It works for a lot of things.
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: But there and there is another side, which is the more feminine side.
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: It doesn't mean, I mean, it's just women that have this.
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: Men have these capacities too, right.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: But we haven't been culturally conditioned to cultivate both sides, and when we do, the possibilities are endless.
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: So much gets to be created and come forth that we wouldn't have seen otherwise.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, and men don't be resistant.
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: It's a beautiful thing.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: Can I just?
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: Can we end it on that Totally With that said, tina, do you have just a couple more minutes?
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: I do want to bring up one more thing for you to talk about.
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, if you're good, going over, I am.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: We own the place, it's fine and everybody.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: You know I should have said this earlier.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: You know, of course, my amazing wife has been putting comments in and things like that.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: If you have things you want to say or comments or you know, feel free to put things in the comments, of course.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: So you know, resistance we talked about personal resistance.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Can we talk about just for a minute outside resistance?
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: And because that's what most people are, well, I'm not going to say that it's just as big of the equation as interior resistance.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: So you know, exterior resistance of people around you, and the funny thing is people are more conscientious of the fear of people close to them and the resistance, the fear of rejection.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: You know, oh, that's stupid.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: All this.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: That, because those people don't know any better generally is what it's set in and it kills dreams and it kills passions and it kills a lot of things that the world needs.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of things that the world needs.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I mean, I was blessed to have grown up with a mother that never said you can't do something Ever.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: I had this realization long ago that I was never told no, you can't do that Ever.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I went through some stupid times in my life.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: It is, it really is.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, how often does a parent say, no, you can't be a rock star, or you can't do this, or you can't do that?
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: You know that won't make you money.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: Go have fun doing that.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: Find something else that'll make you money.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: Well, you better have a plan B.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: So it's when you find and surround yourself with the right people talking about the resistance, it opens up the doors of your mind to dream.
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: Just connect yourself and surround yourself with people that uplift you and not bring you down to their levels.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: I just want to say that, yeah, that is so key because community is where we thrive right Now.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: Of course, if you are surrounded by naysayers and people who can't dream and people who shoot down your vision, yes, that's more difficult and that is an outside resistance, but consider that the only real resistance is the meaning that you've made about that because we don't want to let them down there.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: They might be our parents, they might be our closest loved ones, but they may not have the capacity to see the vision that you have, so they just can't connect to it.
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: They mean well, they don't want you to get hurt Most of the time.
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: Most of the time, they're not trying to be jerks.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: They're trying to keep you safe too, because they're like oh, I don't want you to get hurt.
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: This is one life.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: You got your one life.
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: Surround yourself with a community of people who raise you up, who, instead of saying, well, how do you think you're going to do that?
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: They say how can I support you?
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: It is a completely different environment and you get to choose the environment that you're going to be in.
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: It doesn't mean you have to walk away from your loved ones.
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: Just recognize they may not be the partners to walk alongside you in this expansion that you're on.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: Absolutely love that.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: Absolutely love that, and it's so.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: Absolutely love that, and it's so.
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: How do I say this?
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: Uplifting and fantastic when you are around those people that celebrate with you, that pat you on the back, that just say, hey, honestly, great job.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: Those are the people that change people's lives.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: So surround yourself with those people, because they're not going to be the people that cause resistance.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: It's okay if they bring up thoughts and throw things to think about.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: That's fantastic, but that resistance shouldn't define your life.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: Absolutely so well said.
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you very much, hey, I should have done Elvis.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you very much, hey, I should have done, elvis, thank you.
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: Thank you very much.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: Thank you very much.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: All right With that said, is there anything else you want to talk about with outside resistance before we wrap up?
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: Just that there's always going to be outside resistance.
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: There just is.
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: This is called life and not everyone's going to see it the way that you see it, and not everyone is going to have the capacity that you have, and they're all going to have their own perspectives and, as mel robbins would say, let them.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: Let them have whatever perspective they have.
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: You hold your truth and just recognize that the real resistance is the meaning that you make about their resistance.
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: It's this reframe of okay.
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: Resistance is an opportunity for me to look and go.
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: Am I aligned?
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: Am I in integrity?
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: Am I on the path for what I want to create in my life, and when that is?
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: The answers are yes.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: You just keep going.
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: Resource yourself with community, with your own ability to reframe and to be in a grounded space so that you can create whatever that vision is that you have for your life.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I absolutely love that.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: There's a reason, everybody, that you look at two people, two brothers, two sisters, siblings, whatever the case may be, and horrible living conditions, horrible parents, call it whatever you want to call it and you have one that goes down the bad road and you have one that goes and thrives and everybody's going huh.
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, wait, all of the outside circumstances seem to be equal.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely Love that.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: So, with that said, my amazing friend Tina Parker, can you give us three tips to get veterans and their families further faster?
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: Okay, three tips.
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: Ask yourself am I in alignment, am I in integrity, am I on my path?
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: Those are my three tips, those questions, those three questions.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: When you get yeses, go full steam ahead.
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: Oh, I just I got God bumps.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: I got good.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: Yes, Absolutely fantastic.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Tina Parker, how do people reach out to you?
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: Yes, I'm on LinkedIn.
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: You can find me under my name or TP sunshine Lead.
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: Outside the linescom is my website.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: We actually have a conscious leadership accelerator, curated specifically for visionary women, coming up in July and, if I know, yeah, you can put the wig on we should stop saying that.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: Or one day, I'm just going to do it, we're going to post a picture just for fun.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: Oh, man, so love to connect with all of you and, michael, just thank you.
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: I just want to say thank you again for this platform, for this community that you have created to bring people together that are on a similar path, to help out there.
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: So I'm out there doing it too.
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: Amen, thank you my friend With that said, time is the most precious resource we have as human beings.
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: My friend Tina Parker, thank you for spending so much of your time with us.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: Truly honored.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: I appreciate it All right, everybody.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: We're almost at 40 minutes.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: Whoops, we're out.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: Catch you on the next episode.