Latest / Oh And One More Thing / EP37 - Tipping: Guilt Is the New Currency

Transcript

EP37 - Tipping: Guilt Is the New Currency · Oh And One More Thing

0:35
Hey there, I'm Brian. Welcome to.
0:38
Oh, and one more thing. Hey everybody, I'm Rob and you
0:40
stumbled across the greatest podcast ever.
0:44
The greatest, greatest, I don't know, but we're trying.
0:47
Yeah. Well, hey, thanks for joining us
0:48
anyway. Happy you're here, super.
0:49
Yeah. What's going on with you?
0:51
Not a lot, yeah. I had a busy week.
0:53
Yeah, you were traveling, working hard.
0:56
All over the place. I'm a world traveler now.
0:58
You are well. OK, no.
0:59
Well. Not world.
1:00
Not. World.
1:00
But I feel like it because I was in Chicago a couple of weeks ago
1:02
for work and now this last week I was in San Antonio.
1:06
Yeah. Was it nice and warm?
1:07
It was 80° and sunny and beautiful.
1:09
Oh, so, so nice. So nice.
1:10
I've, you know, I've never been to San Antonio or Texas for that
1:13
matter. You hadn't been to either.
1:15
No, no, OK. Sorry I've been to both but well
1:18
but it's warm down there. It was, it was very cool that we
1:21
stayed downtown and hung on at the River Walk and did that
1:23
whole thing. Isn't that nice?
1:25
The river that is awesome. Like I thought, what are we
1:27
gonna do for three days down there?
1:28
We had a blast. Yeah, there's so many nice
1:30
restaurants and things, and just.
1:32
Yeah, the River Walk is truly what it is.
1:33
It's a nice leisurely walk, yeah, along this Little River.
1:36
Yeah, and the best part is it's open bottle.
1:39
Yeah, there's this bars and and there's actually our favorite
1:41
place. There's a bar under a bridge.
1:43
Oh yeah, I think I remember that.
1:44
It's just a bar. That's all it is.
1:45
It's just that. No, no walls, no nothing.
1:47
Just a bar. Just a bar and a bar.
1:49
Just stop in, Yeah, Get a drink. They sell walking tacos which
1:52
are phenomenal and a bunch of drinks and just keep on and.
1:54
You take the. The riverboat we did, we did
1:57
that at night and it was gorgeous.
1:59
Yep. It's fun to see all the little
2:00
pretty lights and we had a really funny captain.
2:03
They're great. They were great.
2:04
Yeah. It was really fun.
2:04
We had a good time. Did.
2:05
You get the history of the how the yeah, the downtown flooded
2:08
and that's why they, you know, walled it off and made a Little
2:10
River. Out of it, yeah.
2:11
It was pretty cool, yeah. Speaking of history, though, we
2:13
also went to the Alamo. Yeah.
2:15
Yeah, OK, Now I liked the Alamo. I don't know about you.
2:19
I was extremely disappointed in the Alamo.
2:21
Why? Here is my problem.
2:24
I have lots of problems. Here's my problem with the
2:26
Alamo. OK, one of the many problems.
2:28
None of the many problems. Number one, I was very surprised
2:31
on how small it is, Yeah. You walk out of it is surprising
2:34
it's. Surprising about like, walk out
2:35
of Acvs, turn left. There's the Alamo in the middle
2:37
of downtown. Yeah, right.
2:39
It's basically at the end of the river.
2:40
Yeah, there's the Alamo. Yeah, it's really weird.
2:43
And not knowing really much about it or anything, we go to
2:45
the visitor center and we pay our $14.00 to get into the
2:48
Alamo, right? We.
2:50
We're in there 5 minutes. It's that small.
2:51
There's just not a lot in there. No, I get.
2:53
It you should have got this audio tour.
2:55
I know this audio tour, there's a whole bunch of signs
2:57
explaining. And you got like a little bit of
2:59
history, you know, and, and my wife and I, we did and, and we'd
3:02
actually enjoyed it. It was very interesting it.
3:04
Wasn't bad, I was just. Here's probably the biggest
3:06
reason why I was disappointed. Why?
3:08
You see, tell me. You've seen Pee Wee's Big
3:10
Adventure, right? Yes, one of my faves.
3:12
That's why I was disappointed. Why?
3:14
Where's the bike? Where's the basement?
3:17
Right, what is going on? It's nothing was there.
3:21
It is not that I was surprised how close in town it is in the
3:26
city, yeah. So I was thinking, OK, we'll
3:28
have to drive out to the Alamo to see it, But that's not the
3:30
case. No, it's like right there, right
3:32
there. Like they built the town around
3:33
the Alamo. Well, OK, probably not, but yes.
3:37
We did see a they did a reenactment with little gum,
3:40
gunshots, gunshots with the muskets and all that kind of
3:43
thing. Yeah, that's cool.
3:44
Right in the middle of downtown. That wouldn't fly in a lot of
3:46
other states. Well, no, that's come on, it's
3:48
Texas. It's.
3:49
Texas. So I got to see a real live
3:50
gunshot in Texas. So on vacation.
3:52
Succeed. There you go.
3:53
Yeah. Awesome.
3:54
Cool. OK, so let me ask you something
3:56
Tipping. Has it gotten out of control or
3:58
what? Oh my gosh, yes.
4:00
Oh my gosh. Crazy, right?
4:01
That's all we did is eat out at restaurants down there, right?
4:03
Yeah. I mean, do you ever just sit
4:04
there staring at the tip screen and then suddenly questioning
4:07
every life choice you've ever, ever made?
4:08
Uh huh. All the time.
4:09
Right. I mean, in San Antonio, I don't
4:11
know if it's San Antonio thing or if that's I don't eat out a
4:13
lot anymore, but like the three options they give you on the
4:15
little tablet were 20%, twenty, 2% and 25.
4:18
Percent So what happened to the 15 What happened to the?
4:20
15 to the 18 and what happened, right?
4:23
I mean, right. I mean, my wife and I went to a
4:24
restaurant that was so fancy that the tipping screen didn't
4:27
even have percentages anymore. What did it have?
4:28
What just had three buttons. It said, number one, help put my
4:31
kid through college. Two, help me buy a house in this
4:34
economy. 3, pay off my student loan debt.
4:37
I mean I accidentally hit the third one and the waiter just
4:39
handed me a paper to Co and sign his student loan debt.
4:44
OK, well, that's not. True belt.
4:47
Buddy, right? It's like every time it's like I
4:51
just wanted a coffee. Not a moral dilemma, right?
4:53
Exactly. I mean, tippity is supposed to
4:55
be simple, but somehow it turns into this awkward social test.
4:58
Yeah, a test where everyone's watching and you're not even
5:00
sure what the right answer is. Feels like high school all over
5:03
again, right? Yeah.
5:05
And the credit card fees, you know those have always been
5:07
there, right? Yeah, they have always been
5:08
there. Right.
5:09
That little 3% if you use a credit card thing like.
5:11
Yeah, but we never saw them. Cool, because the business
5:13
always ate that, right? That's part of their their
5:15
pricing, their feet, that's running a business.
5:18
So. What is it about today's world?
5:20
Obviously everything costs so much.
5:21
That knowledge to push all that on the consumer.
5:24
Right. And I think it started during
5:25
COVID when restaurants were really trying to struggle and
5:28
like, oh, you paid, do you? Think it's just COVID or was it
5:31
the I don't want to get into politics but the administration?
5:34
I I don't know. Either way, it's a crock.
5:38
I mean, I'm sorry. I run a business and my prices
5:41
are reflective of all the costs of running the business and that
5:43
includes the credit card fees, right?
5:45
I mean, I would. Prefer so you put those in you
5:47
don't make sense the customer pay them yes, I mean.
5:49
Honestly, I prefer people pay off the credit card anyway.
5:51
It's immediate, it's faster, it's secure.
5:53
Whereas they pay by check or they pay after the service is
5:55
done. Then you sometimes have to chase
5:56
people to pay you. You run into a few more
5:58
problems. Yeah, exactly.
5:59
Yeah, exactly. So to me, that fee is worth me
6:02
covering to take care of my customers.
6:04
Yeah. So anyway, I've done with my
6:06
tangent on that, but today we're going to talk about why TB makes
6:09
so many people. Anxious and how something so
6:11
small ended up carrying so much social pressure.
6:14
Right? So that's what today's episode
6:16
is all about. Tipping guilt is the new
6:18
currency. Yeah, tipping.
6:19
So, while often framed as a simple act of gratitude, can be
6:22
a surprisingly strong source of social anxiety.
6:25
Yeah, it is. In many cultures like here,
6:27
where tipping is expected rather than optional, it places
6:30
individuals in a situation where they must make a public
6:33
judgement about another person's work.
6:34
This judgement is tied not only to money, but also to social
6:37
approval, fairness and fear of being seen as rude or cheap.
6:41
And nobody wants to be rude or cheap, right?
6:43
As a result, what should be a small transaction can easily
6:46
become emotionally stressful. One major source of anxiety is
6:49
uncertainty. People often worry about how
6:51
much they're supposed to quote UN quote supposed to tip,
6:54
especially when expectations are unclear or they vary by
6:58
situation. Questions like whether to tip 15
7:01
percent, 20% or in your case 2225 right, whether tax should
7:05
be included or not, or whether tipping is expected at all, can
7:10
create unwanted social pressure. This uncertainty is intensified
7:13
in social settings, of course, where individuals may fear being
7:17
judged by the server friends or even strangers for tipping too
7:20
little or consequently, too much.
7:23
Right. You know another factor
7:24
contributing to tipping anxiety is the power dynamic involved.
7:27
Customers may feel responsible for workers income, particularly
7:31
in jobs where wages rely heavily on tips, like servers.
7:34
This can create guilt and emotional burden, make people
7:37
feel that a single decision reflects the morality or
7:39
generosity rather than just their satisfaction with the
7:42
particular service. For individuals who already
7:44
experienced social anxieties, this pressure can be
7:46
overwhelming and may even lead them to avoid certain services
7:49
altogether. So that leads me to some
7:51
questions. Yeah.
7:52
Why do you have to rely on tips? I mean, why can't the
7:56
establishments pay their employees a fair wage, Right?
8:01
You know, then that's back to the day when tipping was really
8:03
meant to be. Oh, you did a really good job
8:06
here. Right.
8:06
Thank you. So my is just my personal
8:09
opinion, not a political opinion or whatever.
8:11
I think it all goes back to a few years ago when we started
8:14
the $15 minimum wage thing. Yeah, yes, I think that's the
8:17
right thing to do for people, for workers to raise the the
8:19
minimum wage, get it up higher. But big picture is as a
8:23
business, who's gonna pay for that?
8:25
I I get the point. I understand.
8:27
Yeah, the customer's gonna pay for 'cause everything will cost
8:29
more, right? But I don't know where the where
8:31
the balance is. Right, I don't either.
8:32
I mean do everyone that happy meal or whatever used to cost
8:34
like 4 bucks at McDonald's? I don't 'cause I never go to OK,
8:38
just work with. Me now you can't get out of
8:41
there for less than 10 bucks a meal and people complain that
8:44
all the prices are too high so now they came back and.
8:45
Raised not good food. No, but Oh my God, get off of
8:49
McDonald's. But whatever, pick something
8:51
else. Whole thing.
8:53
Wendy's, I don't care. Taco Bell?
8:55
Pick something else. You know what I'm saying though,
8:57
right? I do.
8:58
I do. Yeah, I mean, just eat you.
9:00
So now we're going back to this whole value menu concept because
9:03
food's getting too expensive. Well, we forced their hand,
9:06
right, Having to raise all the wages, which is the right thing
9:08
to do, I'm not criticizing that. But it has to be paid for
9:11
somehow, right? Doesn't come out of thin air.
9:13
OK, so let's get back to this content.
9:15
The social nature of tipping, often done in public or face to
9:18
face, adds to that stress that we're just talking about handing
9:21
over money while being watched or signing a receipt with a
9:24
suggested tip displayed can feel like a performance where there
9:29
is a right answer everyone expects.
9:32
Because of this, tipping becomes less about appreciation and more
9:35
about meeting social expectations.
9:38
Understanding tipping is a social construct norm rather
9:40
than a personal test of character may help reduce the
9:43
anxiety it causes, but the discomfort many people feel
9:47
shows how deeply social pressures influence everyday
9:50
actions. And I'll be completely honest
9:52
with you, this is probably one of the biggest reasons why we
9:54
don't eat out as much as we used to.
9:57
Really, you know how to answer? That how to answer that right?
10:01
I I truly do, because I think. It's the tipping that stops me
10:04
from going. This doesn't stop me from going
10:06
out, but I'm a little more conscious about as often as we
10:08
used to go out, we don't go out as much anymore.
10:10
Well I know that's might just change with age and and
10:13
personalities, but I was always a 20% tipper.
10:17
Right, me too, across the board. 20% across the board, across the
10:20
board. And but there are situations,
10:22
you know, where if you just have a terrible server and right, you
10:25
know, you got to step back and they're just having a bad day.
10:27
Yeah. But if they're just really not
10:30
very good, good at what they're doing and or intentionally
10:33
ignore you, yes, I will dump that tip down.
10:36
Smaller. Yeah, me too, Me too.
10:37
And I think part of the of the social awkwardness that you feel
10:41
now too is I think my San Antonio example is a great
10:43
example where now the middle button is the 22%, right?
10:46
And by default, I mean, for years, I just kind of trained
10:48
myself. It's always been 20.
10:49
So I just hit the middle button. Well, first couple of places we
10:51
went to, I'm hitting the 22%. And I'm like, hang on, why am I
10:54
doing that now? Why are you doing that?
10:56
Yeah, because out of. Right.
10:57
I don't want to be the cheap band, but I don't want to be the
10:59
expensive guy, so I always go the middle.
11:01
Well, now they've raised the middle.
11:02
Sure, that's awk. That was awkward so.
11:04
And if you choose the custom tip and type in 15% or whatever, the
11:08
thought is someone's watching you, right?
11:10
And then, you know, it's just whatever you got to take that.
11:13
Yeah. It's weird.
11:13
But I think that one of the worst things is, I think the
11:16
feeling of entitlement. Yeah.
11:18
That you should tip me because here, I turned this tablet
11:22
around for you, right? Or I, I got you that beer and I
11:26
opened the can, you know? Right.
11:28
Regardless if you went and had whatever.
11:30
Yeah. But but the entitlement of
11:32
feeling that they have, they believe they should get a tip
11:34
for that. Yeah.
11:35
We didn't do anything to help me, right?
11:37
So how do you feel about places where they're asking for a tip
11:39
where they really don't do anything for you?
11:41
They don't do anything. So I, I, I struggle.
11:43
I struggle with that. And sometimes I'll choose or
11:45
make a, a smaller tip just because I feel that social
11:49
pressure to tip, you know, the same with like coffee this
11:52
morning. Yeah.
11:53
It's like I pay, you know, I paid in cash and I always dump
11:56
whatever change I have in the jar because that's my tip.
12:00
And my coffee is only, you know, under $4.00.
12:02
Yeah. So I might tip 50-60 cents,
12:05
which is, you know, right, actually quite a bit on $4.00,
12:08
Right. But I always do that.
12:10
Well, oddly enough, today I did not.
12:13
I put the money back in my pocket, OK?
12:15
And I was like, OK, you're kind of a jerk for doing that, right?
12:18
But I do it every single time I have the coffee.
12:20
So I figured like it could evens itself out.
12:22
Yeah, but in your case, too, you're literally just getting a
12:24
drip coffee. Yeah, like they bring your cup
12:26
over there and they pour the little thing.
12:27
They don't have to make anything.
12:28
They have to. My cup, they walk to their side,
12:30
they pour it and they give it back to.
12:31
Me right, they're making an espresso or cappuccino or
12:33
America I get an Americano takes a little bit longer to make
12:35
right you're literally just getting a drip coffee right So I
12:38
mean right so as far as service goes, yes, they went over and
12:41
grabbed your coffee for you and gave it to you but was there
12:44
really service about? Did they really prepare anything
12:47
for you if you put it on the side of the counter?
12:48
I would have got my own coffee, right?
12:49
Exactly right. Yeah, Yeah.
12:52
And I think another thing too is do you pay the tip on the total
12:55
bill or do you do it for the sales?
12:56
Tax. So that's a tough one because if
12:58
we're at a restaurant, I will look at what the subtotal is and
13:01
I'll pay my tip on the subtotal because I'm tipping on tax, OK.
13:04
And that's a big deal, yeah. Have you ever ran the math on
13:07
when they give you the little tablet and the percentages are
13:09
on there is? Percentage.
13:10
It's on the tax. I figured it out.
13:12
It is on the tax, isn't it? Tax too?
13:13
It's on the total. They take the total bill.
13:16
And if that includes any service charges, then you're tipping on
13:18
the service charge as well. And so that that stuff drives
13:21
me. So they're adding sales tax,
13:22
which depending where you're at, like if you're in the city of
13:24
Minneapolis, it's about 10%. Yeah.
13:25
And then they're adding the credit card fee of a 13%.
13:28
Yep. Or sorry, 3% to make it 13%.
13:30
Sure, sure, sure. So now they've added 13%, you're
13:32
totally rebuild. Now you're adding an additional.
13:34
Tipping on that, it's the. Middle button, which is 22%,
13:37
yeah, you're basically you're well over a third of the build
13:40
at this point. Right.
13:41
Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. That's.
13:42
Insane. Hey Brian, I was just outside
13:49
trying to enjoy the yard and the mosquitoes are driving me nuts.
13:52
Oh, you got to call Spring Green for that.
13:53
Rob Spring Green I thought they just did my fertilizer and weed
13:56
control. Oh, they do that, and our lawn
13:58
looks amazing because of it. But their mosquito control is a
14:01
game changer. We can actually use our patio.
14:04
You know how bad the state bird gets in Minnesota?
14:07
Pretty sure that's the loon, but point taken.
14:09
So they do lawns and mosquitoes. And total home pest control.
14:13
My house is completely mouse free.
14:15
They even do liquid aerations and lawn insect control.
14:18
Wow, I'm only using them for half of what I could be.
14:20
You should fix that. Go to springdashgreen.com and
14:23
get a personalized quote today. That's spring dashgreen.com.
14:26
And tell them. Oh, and one more thing, Sanchez.
14:31
OK, so as we were saying and building on this anxiety,
14:33
tipping itself has grown more complicated over time.
14:36
What was once a voluntary reward for genuinely good service has
14:39
increasingly become an expected contribution, even for standard
14:43
or minimal effort. This shift, often called tip
14:46
creep, is fueled by digital payment systems, stupid little
14:49
tablets that automatically prompt customers a tip for small
14:52
or routine tasks, such as ordering coffee or picking up
14:55
take out. Yeah.
14:56
And of course, technology plays a major role in this change.
14:59
Touch screens and point of sale systems now ask for gratuity in
15:02
places where tipping was not traditionally expected,
15:05
extending social pressure beyond sit down restaurants.
15:08
It's everywhere. In some cases, customers are
15:10
even asked to tip before receiving service.
15:13
Oh, that. How does that work?
15:15
Yeah, yeah. Which blurs the lines between
15:17
tipping and as a reward and tipping as an obligation.
15:21
When appreciation is requested in advance, it feels less like
15:25
gratitude and more like a mandatory fee.
15:27
Right. I always approach tipping as as
15:29
a service like yeah exceptional service and not.
15:32
That it's it to me, it's gratitude.
15:34
It's like you did a really good job and I'll reward you for
15:37
that. You know, and I think you, if
15:38
you're in the in, in the service industry, right, you know, you
15:42
want, I think you should be in that job because you want to
15:44
give good service and you like people and you want to do that
15:47
right now, I don't think everyone is in that job for
15:49
those reasons, but but I mean, you should be able to tip based
15:53
on the experience you receive, right?
15:55
And our, our daughters have worked in service before and,
15:58
and you can make pretty good tips.
15:59
If you give great service and you're good at your job, you can
16:01
make you can make a really, really good one.
16:03
You can, yeah. And you should be able to.
16:05
Right. And to me, where the
16:06
expectations of all flipped around where, you know, 10 to
16:08
15% was once common in 20% or 22% or 25% is now more from the
16:12
default, right, regardless of the level of service.
16:15
I mean, at the same time, inflation has made everyday
16:17
purchases more expensive. So repeated tipping requests,
16:20
Yeah, repeated tipping can make people feel financially burdism,
16:24
and as a result, some consumers respond by tipping less for
16:26
services like take out or delivery.
16:28
Well, others tip out of discomfort rather than
16:31
satisfaction. Oh, that makes me think about.
16:33
I had a, a, a tipping experience on a delivery.
16:36
OK, You want to hear it? Yeah.
16:37
Absolutely. So this is quite a while back
16:40
and we don't ever order delivery food.
16:44
We did. We ordered Domino's.
16:46
We don't normally do that. I mean, I feel, I have the
16:48
feeling of it might be personally I'll go get it
16:50
because I don't need someone to drive and pay the extra fees, I
16:53
don't need it. But in this situation, we had it
16:55
delivered and I can't explain why.
16:58
I had no reason. I didn't tip, you know, paid for
17:02
the the pizza and I didn't tip. OK.
17:05
Well, the delivery person was verbally abusive.
17:09
Seriously to me in my face because I didn't tip.
17:13
OK, you know, and I felt horrible.
17:14
Yeah, Right. And I had no reason not to tip.
17:18
I just didn't. It's just one of those things,
17:20
you know, I didn't do it. And it wasn't really probably
17:22
thinking clearly at the time, right.
17:24
You know, it's like, oh, because they're living on these tips.
17:26
I'd, you know, yeah. Two and two didn't add up,
17:28
right? But it was so demeaning and the
17:32
way that I felt them like, Oh my gosh, I couldn't believe it,
17:35
right, You know? And it was, yeah, I called the
17:37
store, called the manager and right there was issues.
17:39
But yeah, it was, it was terrible.
17:41
And you've never ordered take out from them again, have you?
17:43
I have not. Right, well, let's see that one
17:46
experience. One experience changed it
17:48
forever. And you know, it's definitely a
17:50
generational thing because all of our kids live off DoorDash
17:54
and Uber Eats, right? Like all the.
17:56
Time. Pay major fees for that.
17:58
You before the tip? Yeah, yeah, we were coming home
18:01
where we come. We were coming home from a trip.
18:03
Where was it? We were coming from a trip or
18:05
something that but our our son was stopping by afterwards and
18:09
instead of driving past the Taco Bell coming to our house he door
18:12
dashed Taco Bell on the way to our house.
18:13
But you drove past we little restaurant.
18:15
Past the actual restaurant 'cause he was this hungry.
18:17
One of some tacos. And could have said just go
18:19
through, drive through. Right and say DoorDash.
18:21
I'm. Like I was like, you've got to
18:23
be kidding me. What?
18:24
Did you just do like? I don't.
18:25
Care what you're getting the fool, but it's like you DoorDash
18:27
that. Yeah.
18:28
It's just, yeah, it's, it's a different mindset.
18:31
It is. It is different.
18:33
Yeah. So all of this has shifted to
18:34
how people view tipping. Instead of seeing it purely as a
18:38
bonus for excellent service, many now view it as a way to
18:41
supplement low wages. Yep.
18:43
This creates frustration, especially when the service does
18:46
not meet the expectation, and adds the social anxiety
18:49
surrounding the decision. Ultimately, the tipping system
18:52
appears caught in between its original purpose, encouraging
18:55
good service, and the modern economic and technological
18:58
pressure that have made it feel almost mandatory and, in my
19:02
opinion, completely changes its meaning.
19:05
Right now, weren't you when you went to Italy?
19:08
Yes. You didn't tip over there,
19:10
correct? Did not tip and why is that on?
19:13
On a really rare occasion, we did tip a very little bit of
19:17
money, but it's not encouraged, right, Because they are there in
19:21
that that position or, or service and that's their job.
19:26
They get paid well for it. You know, tipping is not
19:28
encouraged. And they, and we did ask, we
19:30
asked a waiter actually, what is the philosophy on tipping?
19:34
And you can do it, but it's really just as a gesture of good
19:39
service And you, you how much you appreciated them, OK.
19:42
Let me ask you an odd question. So when you go, let's just say
19:44
you're on vacation for five days.
19:46
You're staying at a hotel, They're staying wherever all
19:48
inclusive. You've done that before.
19:49
Yeah, once. Do you tip the cleaning staff?
19:52
It did. You did?
19:53
I did. Tip every single day.
19:55
Let's say you're staying two or three nights for a work
19:56
conference in a hotel. Do you tip the cleaning staff
19:58
when they come in and give you towels and wash off?
20:00
Your bed every. I think that's no OK.
20:02
Why? I didn't?
20:04
Because I don't. I didn't.
20:06
It's hard to answer that. Right.
20:07
See, we're going to draw the line.
20:09
All inclusive, you know, we are told ahead of time tipping is
20:13
expected, correct on all the service, correct.
20:16
You know, where you to a regular hotel, right?
20:19
I mean, I don't think that's built into the American culture
20:22
and our psyche here to tip this. The service staff in a hotel
20:27
unless they carried my bags up for me, right then I would tip
20:29
them right? That's not weird.
20:31
It's not weird. I know.
20:32
So it's that's weird. Yeah, because that's a service.
20:34
They're providing a service. You're there for a couple
20:36
nights, they're providing a service.
20:37
Oh, now you're making me rethink this all along.
20:39
So if I go to a hotel, I might leave a couple dollars for this
20:41
service. Yeah, So it's it's it's just an
20:43
odd place to be. Yeah.
20:45
Like, where do you and don't you tip?
20:46
It's very confusing. It is.
20:48
Yeah. So clearly, the tipping culture
20:50
bothers both of us. We've spent quite a time ranting
20:54
about it, but tipping is really just one example of a social
20:57
norm that society has created. There are plenty of other
21:00
everyday social norms we follow almost automatically, and it's
21:02
worth taking a closer look at a few of the ones that we subject
21:05
ourselves to on a daily basis. OK, so first of all, what is a
21:09
social norm? So social norms are defined as
21:11
the unspoken rules that help us to get along with others in a
21:14
polite and respectful manner. It's important to follow them so
21:17
that we can maintain a positive social environment for everyone
21:20
involved. Social norm examples include not
21:22
spitting indoors. What girls, Why can't I?
21:26
Cover your mouth when you sneeze.
21:28
No girls. And shaking hands with everyone
21:30
you meet. You should always shake hands
21:32
with everybody. I know you really should.
21:33
But in Europe, you should kiss them on the cheeks.
21:36
And. Right.
21:37
Yeah. You're also seeing that
21:38
everybody washes their hands after leaves the bathroom when
21:40
you're shaking their hands. Of course they do.
21:43
Just like I believe everything I read.
21:47
Cultural norms are the custom and traditions that are passed
21:50
down from one generation to the next.
21:53
They're connected to the traditions, values, and
21:55
practices of a particular culture.
21:57
Right and societal norms, on the other hand, reflect the current
22:00
social standard for appropriate behavior within the society.
22:03
In modern multicultural societies, there are different
22:06
groups with different cultural norms, but they must all agree
22:09
on a common set of social norms for public spaces.
22:12
There's also a concept called group norms, which define how
22:15
smaller groups, like in the workplace or sports teams, how
22:19
they operate. These might differ from group to
22:21
group and are highly dependent on the expectations and
22:24
standards of the group or team themselves.
22:26
Got it? But for now, let's talk about a
22:28
few more social norms. Kind of like holding the door
22:32
open for others. Do you do that?
22:33
I do. Yeah, it's trying.
22:35
To hold it open. There's somebody right behind
22:37
me. I'll absolutely always, yeah.
22:39
That would be a social norm, I suppose.
22:40
Yeah, about waiting in line politely.
22:42
What most of us can do that there's always that one person
22:44
who doesn't understand that, who never went to kindergarten and
22:47
never learned that on day one. It's always that person.
22:51
Everybody get in a line right? How about respecting other
22:54
people's personal space? OK, I believe I do that.
22:58
Yeah, I I think it's been hard. To know if you're in someone's
23:00
personal space, because it could be bigger, right?
23:03
Yeah. But I think it's a lot more, I'm
23:05
at least more conscious about it since COVID.
23:07
OK, sure. So not that I wasn't stand.
23:09
Not that I wasn't. Before, but I probably purposely
23:11
give myself even a little couple more inches than I used to just
23:14
to. I don't need to be this close to
23:15
you. We're about 6 feet apart.
23:17
That's about close. Enough, enough.
23:20
Plus in big groups I hate people.
23:23
Oh, come on. Just just large groups.
23:26
You do sometimes look a little nervous or nervous just.
23:28
Don't stop breathing on me. Stop talking, right?
23:32
How about waiting to start eating until everyone is served?
23:34
Yeah, I struggle with that one. It's.
23:36
Hard, right? Because your food's there, it's
23:38
getting cold, but you don't want to be rude, you know.
23:41
So it's, it's really hard. And usually, I don't know.
23:43
For whatever reason, I'm always the last one to get served.
23:47
And that's funny, 'cause we are in San Antonio, we are a table
23:49
of 13 of us. All of our after a meeting, we
23:50
all went out to dinner and I was in the front corner and I got
23:53
served 1st and I grabbed my fork, my knife right away.
23:56
And my wife sit next to me and she kicks me and she's like,
23:58
hey, like hold back, wait, Okay, okay.
24:02
I struggled that one. Yeah, don't talk with your
24:05
mouthful. OK, so you learned that when
24:07
you're a child, but I have a tendency to do it a lot.
24:09
I kind of did it on this podcast on the candy one a few episodes
24:12
ago, the Sugar 1, so. You did.
24:13
And I think if you if you do listen closely, I got to know it
24:16
at the end. You got to know it right away.
24:19
You just you just came more prevalent at the end.
24:21
You know, how about keep your elbows off the table?
24:24
Yeah, I struggle with that one too.
24:25
I do too. It's such a comfortable position
24:27
to be in. And I always feel like if you're
24:30
trying to listen to somebody that you engage and get a little
24:33
closer to them. And my elbows go on the table.
24:35
So I'm, I'm like actively engaging and listening, but it's
24:38
impolite to put your elbows on the table.
24:40
And I think that's a that's an old.
24:42
Yes, it is I. Don't know what you call it.
24:44
Yeah, etiquette. Yes, it is old etiquette.
24:46
Yes, it is. Absolutely don't use your phone
24:48
in a movie theater. I won't do that, yeah.
24:50
Turn the damping off for the two hours you're in there.
24:52
No I'm not. I put it on vibrate.
24:54
Fine whatever, just don't take it out because when it's a nice
24:57
dark scene you got your bright ass light phone right in your
24:59
face replying to a text. OK.
25:01
Stop. So do you have to have your
25:03
phone on the brightest setting? It can be?
25:05
No. OK, then you are much younger
25:07
than me, no? No, but I'm getting to the point
25:09
where I really need to. But that's not the point.
25:12
Like, and again, another reason why I hate people.
25:15
If I'm going to go to a movie, I want to watch the damn movie.
25:17
I don't want to be here you talking, hear you crinkling your
25:19
candy paper or looking at your damn phone in the middle of a
25:22
dark scene in a movie. Can I slurp my pop?
25:26
As long as you don't do it the whole time, yes you can.
25:29
OK, how about this one nodding and smiling and looking at
25:31
people in their eyes to show that you're listening to them?
25:34
I try and do that. I try.
25:36
I think that's a self esteem issue more than it is.
25:39
It's probably a social norm as well.
25:41
But more than this, it's more self esteem on the person.
25:45
And I've been working on that to make sure that I am engaging and
25:49
you can engage with your eyes and then listen.
25:51
But my problem with that is I'm always thinking of how to
25:54
respond. Yes.
25:55
Otherwise there's going to be a long pause while like hold,
25:58
please let me process that. And when I'm thinking, you can
26:02
clearly tell thinking because my eyes tend to roll up and around
26:05
as I I'm thinking like. That's what I'm talking.
26:07
When I'm talking, I'm looking at all around.
26:09
Yes, because I'm my in my head, I'm grabbing the next message
26:12
and I'm doing it right now as as we're seeing you're talking, I'm
26:15
looking looking at the painting behind you as I'm trying to
26:18
think of my next thing I'm going to say.
26:19
But see, I don't think that is disengaging.
26:22
No, because I think that you're still engaged because your eyes
26:25
come back. Yes.
26:27
Yeah. Interesting.
26:28
That's fascinating to me, Right? Did you know there are four
26:31
types of norms? No.
26:32
What are they? They're folkways, Moors, taboos,
26:35
and laws. What?
26:37
And I've never heard of Moors, so let's get to that one.
26:39
So First off folkways though. So those are unwritten social
26:42
rules or conventions. While not strictly enforced,
26:45
they are generally accepted as appropriate or polite behaviors,
26:47
such as cover in your mouth when you sneeze.
26:49
So that's a folkway. OK, that's interesting.
26:53
I don't know how you come up with these words.
26:54
I don't know. So Moors are social conventions
26:57
deeply rooted in morality, making them more significant
27:01
than simple folkways. Because of this moral weight,
27:04
violating Moores can lead to social sanctions and often
27:07
result in them being formalized into laws.
27:11
A clear example of a Moore is not drinking and driving.
27:15
Oh, OK, I get it then. That makes sense.
27:16
OK OK, so taboos are essentially negative norms, actions to be
27:20
avoided because engaging in them will be perceived as rude.
27:24
Some examples of a taboo include using a phone during a movie.
27:28
I think you just said that. I think I did too.
27:30
Or spitting indoors. That's gross.
27:32
Now who The Who would spit indoors?
27:34
I I. I don't know where. 1st where
27:36
are you spitting it? Hopefully in the sink.
27:38
Right. I'm sure it's like a they can
27:40
high school kind of a thing like just, you know, anyway.
27:42
Or this hokaloogie. I know it's gross, remember that
27:44
I do anyway. Laws are the the more formal and
27:49
serious types of norms. They're usually enforced by the
27:52
government and can result in criminal penalties if violated.
27:56
Example of laws include not stealing from others and not
28:00
assaulting others. Right, just being generally
28:02
nice. Right.
28:02
So that makes sense with laws. I mean, we all get that, right.
28:05
But the other ones I was kind of surprised by.
28:06
Yeah, I never. Heard of them more but so then
28:09
lastly, let's talk about some of the social dilemmas similar to
28:12
the tipping issue. OK, what are they?
28:13
So splitting the. Bill at.
28:16
Group dinners. OK.
28:18
Generally, I agree with this, yeah.
28:20
It depends on what you've had though.
28:22
Yeah, and technology. As we were kind of complaining
28:24
about, the little tablet thing has made it much, much easier,
28:27
right? So one of the restaurants we
28:28
were at this week in San Antonio, so the tablet was
28:31
actually at the table and we're ready to pay the bill.
28:33
We're talking to the server. He's like, yeah, just here,
28:34
here's a little tablet thing and one of the options on the bottom
28:36
was split the bill. Sure.
28:38
And there were three of us three parties at the table at the
28:41
time. And you can pull up your entire
28:43
everything you ordered, just check the ones you are going to
28:45
pay for. Oh, so it was a check box?
28:47
System that works out really well.
28:49
It was awesome then. So I hit total.
28:50
Then I paid my part, give it to the next person.
28:52
They did their sex selections. OK, that was slickest.
28:55
Now, but now that brings up an issue too.
28:57
OK, OK, so here's this electronic device, your bill is
29:00
on it. You do all the work, you take
29:02
care of all of this bill. No, no, it wasn't like that.
29:05
It gave you the option to split the bill.
29:07
The first option was to pay your.
29:08
Bill no. But still you had the, the
29:10
digital device in front of you to pay the bill versus getting
29:13
the bill from the server, having interaction, facial recognition,
29:16
whatever, and then paying it, them coming back and writing a
29:20
thank you on their receipt, all those things that you can do.
29:23
And now you're stuck on digital and you you have to do all the
29:27
work. Well, they're still manually
29:27
bringing you the receipt after you pay.
29:29
Doesn't it print out from the little tablet?
29:31
No, no, that's where I was going with, yeah.
29:33
No, no, they had to get it from the printer and bring it.
29:35
OK, so, but I, I just thought that was really cool as far as
29:37
split, because, you know, just let's just split it down the
29:38
middle. Then you're like, OK, you had
29:40
three, so it was a tonic. It depends.
29:42
Yeah. Are you, are you getting really
29:44
picky? Then at that point, if you split
29:46
down the middle, well, you had these expensive drinks or you
29:48
had filet mignon and I had a salad, right?
29:51
You know, it's like, then I'm going to get you like, no, I
29:53
want to pay for mine, right? Versus your $100 dinner you just
29:57
ate. I had a Diet Coke.
29:58
You had three bourbons on the rocks.
30:00
Thank you. I feel like bourbon.
30:02
I'm not splitting that OK. So the question there is, you
30:07
know, obviously we talked about do you split it evenly or not?
30:11
But do you speak up? At what point do you speak up
30:13
and say I just want to pay for my own I?
30:14
Think it depends on who you're with.
30:16
I mean, that has a lot, yeah. I think it's a ballpark.
30:18
We're all about the same area. I don't care to split the damn
30:19
thing. It's easy.
30:20
Yeah, exactly. But if?
30:21
I literally watched you get a flame mignon and I had a
30:23
hamburger. Then I'm going to talk.
30:24
Sure. I think if I ordered the filet
30:28
mignon I would want to pay for it myself because I took that
30:31
order. Yes, but I've been well with
30:32
people. Right, other people are
30:33
different. Or that has not happened, right?
30:35
That's when I will speak up. OK, There's usually the person
30:37
that says, hey, let's split it down the middle, like wait,
30:39
raise my hand. Nope.
30:40
Wait. This guy this guy over here, I
30:42
have an. Issue.
30:43
Shocker, I have an issue. All right, next one deciding
30:46
whether to chip in for Co workers get.
30:49
Those the worst. What?
30:51
Again, it depends on do I know the coworker?
30:55
Do I know them well? It's just someone who you know,
30:57
you just like, just start your job and there's a birthday or
31:00
wedding and baby showers. Yeah, I have never worked with
31:02
these people before, but now I feel obligated.
31:05
Yeah, you've seen Office Space the movie, right?
31:07
Yeah, like one of the best office movies ever.
31:09
It's just hilarious. And poor Milton, it would.
31:12
They're they're heading up the cake and is where they're
31:15
celebrating somebody's birthday. And they all stand around and
31:17
think the happy birthday, which you know what he's saying.
31:19
They start cutting the cake and they're passing on and Milton
31:21
gets the first cake and the person cutting goes, no, Milton
31:23
pass it along. So it keeps passing, keeps
31:25
passing, keep passing. At the end, he doesn't get a
31:27
piece of cake because he passed. Passed tomorrow, Right
31:32
coworkers? How about being asked to donate
31:35
at the checkout? So yeah, I get that.
31:37
And I think it depends on really on my mood that day.
31:39
I hate that one. But, you know, I've gotten to
31:42
the point where, you know, I feel self confident enough that
31:45
no thank you. Yeah.
31:46
Yeah. I, I and they don't care.
31:47
I know they don't care, the cashier, they don't care, but
31:49
they're. Just asked to promote this
31:51
whatever event it is and the. Company's just promoting them,
31:53
whatever they're raising money for whatever charity they're
31:55
doing and do you want to round up to the next blah, blah, blah.
31:57
And I just, I know I meet people may think I'm a douche, but I'm
32:00
like, no, I mean, I've, I, I donate to charities, I donate
32:03
money, I donate right items. I've decided when I get to do
32:06
that, not when I go shopping and you tell me, right?
32:08
I also avoid the Salvation Army bell ringers like the plague.
32:11
I don't, I do. I will walk right up to them and
32:13
give me some money. I don't.
32:15
Hate 'cause I don't carry cash. Anymore.
32:17
Well, that's the thing. I try to carry cash now.
32:19
Yeah. And especially at the holiday
32:20
season, I try to carry cash because, yeah, I'm going to give
32:23
at the salvation. Sure.
32:24
I don't want to walk by them. Yeah, I do.
32:28
I'm OK with that. I part of it though, 'cause I,
32:30
I'm scarred. Cause back in the day when I
32:31
worked at Target stores, we used to as manager on duty, I would
32:34
get complaints all the time. Like the bell ringer was just
32:36
being inappropriate or trying. They would try to stop people
32:39
or, you know, force the somebody to donate.
32:41
Yeah. Then they would come to the
32:43
manager and ask me to deal with it.
32:44
I'm like, OK, they're just volunteers.
32:46
I can only so much I can do right.
32:48
So I think I'm a little scarred because of.
32:50
How well that do you buy Girl Scout cookies then?
32:52
Or did you buy? Yeah.
32:54
How can you not there? Scout popcorn or something I.
32:56
Don't the we bought the popcorn once.
32:57
It's not that good. Come on, it's not.
33:00
It's not what you're supporting. I know, but the Girl Scout
33:02
cookies 'cause they're awesome. Yes, they are.
33:05
Yes. And we do buy the boys called
33:07
wreaths. We have.
33:07
We have bought those. I have two and now because
33:10
because my kids used to sell this stuff all the time and and
33:12
go to door to door. So when my neighbor boys come
33:14
over to buy something I'm like Yep, I don't care what.
33:16
You sell? I do too.
33:17
I mean, they buy it. Yeah.
33:18
There's some neighbor kids come. I'll usually buy something.
33:20
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
33:21
That you. Want to be the nice guy?
33:22
Yeah. How about RSVP pressure for
33:24
events? Like what do you mean?
33:28
Well, let's say there's a social event coming up.
33:31
Do you feel like you have to RSVP to it or can you ignore it?
33:35
You know, does it fall into? That one sucks.
33:37
I think it depends on what the event is.
33:38
I think totally. Depends on that.
33:39
Who? Who you're RSVP ING to?
33:41
What you're RSVP ING for? Would you notice if I'm there or
33:45
not? Yeah.
33:46
OK. Yeah.
33:47
How about saying yes to helping someone move?
33:49
OK, so that I have a problem with that.
33:51
OK, because I will say yes, yeah, because I think and I feel
33:55
like then in return, they're going to help me sometime when I
33:59
need them, right? And so I'll always say yes,
34:01
sorry, anyone listening, right? Knocks on my door.
34:05
Good to know. Damn it.
34:09
I usually will too if it's if it's not like an all day project
34:11
just hey, can you help me with your truck and just move
34:13
something? Yeah, fine.
34:14
Not a problem. Yeah, absolutely.
34:16
I'm giving money to St. performers.
34:18
And pan OK St. St. performers, yes.
34:20
Pan handlers no. I wish I would know their story
34:23
because it would pull up my heartstrings and I'd want want
34:25
to help them out. But if you're just standing on a
34:28
corner and I don't know, you might be going through hard
34:31
times. Yeah, we might be making a great
34:33
living at it, right? So we don't know anymore.
34:35
Yeah, so here is I have two examples on the pan handler
34:38
thing, which is why I don't don't need to pan handlers.
34:39
Okay, One, there was a news story a few years ago about this
34:44
woman who stands in the corner in downtown Minneapolis with her
34:46
kid. And for basically two months in
34:48
the summer, they have the sign, you know, please donate, we need
34:51
money to help, blah, blah, blah. Right, Right.
34:53
They take that money and take a Disney vacation.
34:55
Because they and she got money at home.
34:57
She was proud of it and admitted it like on the news.
34:59
Like, yeah, do we do we do this every year Done like the last
35:01
five years. How can you as a person do that
35:04
right? And it doesn't say they're sign
35:05
to say they're homeless or they said, Hey, help, help us out,
35:08
give us some money, right? That's all it was.
35:10
And so I'm so that scarred me. Second one is I'm kind of close
35:13
to where I work on the way home that one summer, there's this
35:15
woman on the same corner every day.
35:19
And people would stop and give her stuff and they give her,
35:21
they give her, they give them, give her like a bottle of water
35:23
and she would just throw it in the curb.
35:25
And he was and next day I drive by there, there's that bottle of
35:27
water sitting there just in the in the, in the gutter, middle of
35:30
the street. And then one day I watched her
35:33
leave because I was at the stop light.
35:35
I watched her walk and she went over the parking garage and got
35:38
into her Audi. Really.
35:39
Yep, no way. I'm like.
35:41
You have got to be kidding me. So I those two examples are like
35:44
no pan handlers? Nope.
35:45
There's plenty of resources out there to help people, right?
35:47
I'm not those. I will not do so, I'm scared.
35:50
Yeah, Yep, you are. How we talked about this, the
35:54
buying from kids, selling things.
35:56
And I will usually buy that. I do too, you know.
35:59
How about the lemonade stand? Do you ever stop?
36:01
So when I was out personally doing yards, doing lawns, I
36:05
would stop all the time. Yeah.
36:07
But now that I'm no, not anymore.
36:09
Usually we drive by, but there's a occasion that they're on the
36:12
corner and there's just cute little kids.
36:14
They're trying to, you know, make a buck and we'll stop and
36:17
buy it and, and it's it's just cute.
36:20
It's cute it. You know, but the problem now is
36:21
it's not $0.25 or $0.50 or a dollar.
36:23
Now it's like $5. No, I'm not buying for $5.
36:27
That's true. How about deciding whether to
36:29
leave a review? Okay, so personal experience,
36:32
you try to get me to leave a review all the time on Spring
36:34
Green and I have yes, you have. But which I appreciate.
36:37
I don't always want to leave a review and me as my age, it's
36:42
just I don't necessarily know how.
36:44
Yeah, yeah, you know, it's just harder for me to leave a review
36:46
because I'm like, OK, what if I click on that?
36:48
Where? Do I go?
36:48
What do I do? What do I do next?
36:50
Yeah. Here's the problem in our and.
36:51
That's my own issue. Yeah.
36:52
In our technological society, Google reviews drive rankings on
36:59
websites and on search sites. So it's so important.
37:02
Like if you have a good experience with a business, you
37:04
need to rate them high as a business owner before you don't
37:06
rate US low. If you have a problem, please
37:09
call see if we can resolve it first.
37:11
That one drives me nuts. And somebody.
37:12
Giving you like a 2 star. Yes, like like somebody has a
37:15
complaint and they just go right to social media and say this
37:17
suck, can you talk to us first? Because maybe we could fix it,
37:20
make it better for you, right? But some people's reactions that
37:23
reactions will just go review them first, give them a
37:25
negative. Review well, and that's the
37:26
interaction part that. People are afraid of yeah.
37:28
You know, they don't want to go and say something bad because
37:31
that's that's intimidating. Yeah, keyboard parties or
37:33
keyboard warriors, I mean. Yeah, right.
37:35
How about attending friends multi level marketing parties?
37:37
God, no. If I know, if I know that's what
37:39
they're doing. What?
37:41
If you didn't know. Then you're kind of Sol.
37:45
Then you just choose to buy the cheapest thing you could find I.
37:47
Think a lot with I think then you're holding a grudge, aren't?
37:50
You What about wedding gift value stress?
37:53
Oh, that's big. That's tough.
37:55
I think that's big. I do too because, you know, we
37:59
go to a fair amount of weddings. Yeah.
38:01
And now different from when we were younger and probably
38:05
couldn't afford it as much, but we believe that we should give a
38:08
very nice gift. Yeah.
38:09
And it has to be, you know, something of value.
38:13
Yeah. And so it's hard if you don't
38:15
buy that gift early on in thinking about it ahead of time,
38:18
right? Because left with, what do they
38:19
have on their registry? Right very much.
38:21
But thank God for the registry is make it simple, right?
38:23
But but you're you gotta be quick.
38:25
You wait till the end. You're kind of left the
38:26
leftovers and it's either really expensive or really stupid,
38:29
right? Yeah.
38:30
And then, you know, we don't just always like to want to give
38:32
money. You know, it's like, which is
38:33
what they probably need the most.
38:35
Yeah, but we always want to give.
38:37
Of valued gift, right? Yeah.
38:39
And so the stress is finding something that is a good value
38:42
and then we keep, sadly, I don't want to say this too loud, we
38:45
keep the mental notes a little bit.
38:48
So the last three weddings we gave that dollar amount.
38:50
We need to match that again. Right, I think this goes the
38:53
same holds true for graduation gifts.
38:55
Yeah, because my daughter's my daughter's a graduated from high
38:59
school, Yes. And my Co worker Ryan, who's
39:01
listening to this podcast right now, was very generous in his
39:04
gifts. OK, his kids have yet to
39:06
graduate, so now his first one graduates this year.
39:09
So do you kind of remember that and think you need to
39:11
reciprocate? Absolutely, and I absolutely
39:14
will. So we started a thing with
39:15
graduation gifts long, long time ago.
39:18
We would give the amount of money the year they graduate.
39:21
Yeah, I know. That's the thing.
39:22
If they would graduate 2020, they got $20.20 O1, they got
39:25
$20.01, right? You know, so we just kept going
39:28
up with the year and that's what they got.
39:30
But now with inflation, 20 bucks isn't enough.
39:31
Well, I'm sorry. Based on my daughter's
39:33
graduation a couple years ago, 20 bucks.
39:35
It's the same thing with the tipping thing.
39:36
Yeah, 20 bucks is not enough anymore.
39:39
I know, right? It's I don't like, how do you
39:41
know? You don't?
39:42
Yeah. What house warming and holiday
39:44
gift exchanges? I don't do we do still do house.
39:46
I don't do house warming, no, no.
39:48
And holiday gift exchange, like at work or something?
39:51
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, honestly, for me, the
39:53
holiday gift exchange. Is family.
39:54
Family and very close friends. We'll do an exchange with you
39:56
guys, Yeah, But honestly, that's about it.
39:59
I mean, we really, really don't do much.
40:01
Yeah, we don't really do a lot either.
40:03
But when it comes to like holiday gifts that we're very
40:05
specific on making sure the same amount dollar amounts shared,
40:10
Yeah. How about giving family or
40:12
friends a ride to the airport? So used to do this a lot and
40:16
we'd also ask a lot because, you know, we travel a little bit
40:19
more now. We're at the point where we just
40:20
park at the airport. Well, I would for myself
40:22
personally, yeah, I want to park at the airport only because of
40:26
easy and easy out. And there's so much
40:27
inconsistency with flights that there's so many that aren't on
40:30
time anymore that I feel bad. So, oh, sorry, our flight's late
40:33
now. Or just, you know, I just, I
40:35
just again, social obligation. I feel guilty, right, Making
40:38
them wait, but it's not our fault.
40:40
But I know that, you know, if someone asks me, absolutely,
40:43
yeah, I will change my schedule around to.
40:44
Help. Yeah.
40:45
If I can, I will. Yeah.
40:46
If I can, I absolutely will. Yeah.
40:47
About returning the shopping carts.
40:49
OK, we talked about this, it's a long time ago and I had a big
40:52
old rant about this one. Return the damn cart.
40:56
Some people judge, you know, I don't know.
41:00
I would be the judger, you would be the Some people don't care.
41:02
Category no if I'm taking the cart out to my vehicle.
41:06
Well, yes, I will. Always put it in a cart.
41:08
In the car corral, yes, I get that always.
41:10
The one that drives me nuts is when people are in the store and
41:13
they just leave the cart right the end of the checkout lane
41:15
when you're walking past the cart corral in the store.
41:17
No. OK, so in the store I'll not
41:19
leave it at the end of the checkout, but the two doorways
41:22
between the yes end of the and outside, I'll leave.
41:24
Leave it in there. Yes, that's fine all the time.
41:27
No, wait, wait, wait. In the best of you all, yes.
41:29
Oh, that's a that you are a douche.
41:32
That is a horrible because guess what?
41:34
Then five other people do it. No, you can't walk out the damn
41:35
door because there's so many carts in there.
41:37
We put them in the lights. Why it's?
41:38
5 feet walk to the damn cart corral or just at that point
41:42
just bring the cart outside and put it in the outside cart
41:44
corral. I can do that.
41:46
I'm probably not going to. We need to move on.
41:49
I'm getting all hopped up again. How about borrowing or lending
41:52
money to? Family or friends, That that one
41:55
is the worst. I mean, it's hard.
41:57
It's really hard. I mean, I won't ask that.
42:01
Yeah, if someone asks me, I'm in a major dilemma.
42:03
Yeah. So hopefully we all feel the
42:06
same emotional pressure and the unclear boundaries about that.
42:09
That we don't, do we? Just don't do it.
42:10
Yeah, the fear of awkward toughs.
42:12
I think if you, especially if you're doing to friends or
42:14
family, you would if you're going to give them any sort of
42:16
money, you would just need to set the expectation upfront.
42:19
You're never going to see it again.
42:20
That's not. True.
42:21
No, no, I'm not. I'm not saying that you're not.
42:23
I'm just saying in your mind you need to say that I'm basically,
42:26
I'm basically giving you this. If you pay me back, awesome.
42:28
If not, then I'm not going to. I'm not going to lose my mind.
42:31
You're gifting the money. You're gifting your mind.
42:33
And yes, if I get it back, that's awesome.
42:35
I mean, many, many years ago we borrowed money for family, but
42:38
then we made a payment plan and made sure it got paid.
42:40
Back. Yeah, we'll see you do the right
42:41
thing. We'll try, yeah.
42:43
So in the end, the tipping dilemma is something deeper than
42:46
money. It's the discomfort of unclear
42:48
and constantly changing expectations, the pressure of
42:51
being watched and the fear of being seen as cheap, rude or
42:55
ungrateful. As businesses increasingly shift
42:57
responsibility on to customers, tipping starts to feel less like
43:00
a choice and more like a test we didn't sign up for.
43:03
When social norms evolve faster than we can keep up with, there
43:07
is no clear right quote UN quote right answer, only the anxiety
43:11
of trying to meet expectations that are never fully explained
43:15
right. And that uncertainty is what
43:17
makes the tipping dilemma feel so familiar, frustrating, and
43:21
hard to. Escape, and we're not getting
43:23
away from it anytime soon. No, I don't think so, no.
43:25
Hey everyone, as always, I appreciate it when you follow us
43:28
on the solo shows at 011 More Thing Pod on Facebook and
43:30
Instagram for highlights and news of our upcoming shows.
43:32
And please tell all your friends.
43:34
And if you have any show ideas for us or just want to give us
43:36
some great feedback, send us an e-mail at 011 More Thing
43:39
pod@gmail.com. We would love to hear from you.
43:42
I'd love to get emails. Do you get a lot of emails, Rob?
43:46
I love. Emails send us emails.
43:49
Plus, go somewhere today's T-shirt, T-shirts and caps if
43:51
you're interested. They are very stylish.
43:53
Shoot us an e-mail. Yep.
43:55
Oh, and one more thing. Tipping was never meant to be
43:57
stressful. What started as a simple way to
44:00
show appreciation has turned into a moment of pressure,
44:03
judgment and confusion. Until expectations change and
44:07
responsibility shifts away from the consumer alone, tipping will
44:11
continue to feel less like gratitude and more like an
44:14
obligation, one that says as much about the social norms as
44:17
it does about the service itself.
44:19
You made it all the way through that on one take.
44:21
I'm amazing you are. Amazing.
44:23
All right, Thanks, everyone. Bye, bye.
44:25
Hey, So I wonder how listeners can tip us on this podcast?
44:27
Send us an e-mail.