Latest / Reality TV Cringe / 149: The Valley - The D Word (S1 E5)

Transcript

149: The Valley - The D Word (S1 E5) · Reality TV Cringe

0:09
Hello, and welcome to Reality TV Cringe. I am one of your hosts,
0:15
the Redhead Delia, and I'm here with my real tight homegirl and my
0:20
beautiful resplendent, the lovely Beatrice. Hi everybody, how are you doing tonight?
0:27
I'm good? How are you doing? Fat cat? Whoa coming right
0:31
out the gate with some of them insults, It's really not an insult.
0:37
It's the difference between a fat poo Nanni and a skinny race day po Nanni.
0:43
I'm sure it's a matter of preference, but if it were me engaging
0:48
with a box, I'd like a little bit of plumpy stuff. Yeah,
0:51
I have some fluff down there, not just like a swipey, you know
0:55
what I mean? What so you can come for me all you want.
1:00
I'm jealous you got back yet? Okay, anyway, welcome. We are
1:06
here to talk about the Valley. The Valley. Yes, this was an
1:11
interesting episode. Before we get into it, of course, we have to
1:15
give you the warning please hide your wife and Ajikia. Yeah, this is
1:19
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Every little thing you do is magic and it helps us in the algorithm,
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which means it helps us to grow. So thank you in advance.
2:14
Thank you for that. All right, we are getting into the Valley season
2:20
one, episode five entitled the D Words. The D word, which if
2:23
that meant dick me too, I went right to But apparently it's divorce,
2:30
divorce, which is in the air with a couple of these multiple couple yea,
2:35
which is pretty spicy. It is, I'm liking it. Dart us
2:38
off. Yeah, so we start off with Brittany at home packing because she's
2:43
going to go on a girl's trip to Nia's friends mansion and Malibuu something like
2:50
that. Oh well, she's like a miss Universe or something like that.
2:53
Yeah. I think this is somebody that maybe Nia is coaching and or a
2:57
mentor to, because that's what she does in her work. And I don't
3:00
know that it was her mansion. I think she was in town and she
3:02
was like renting it, but she had a little more tie. Yeah.
3:07
I don't, honey, like an Airbnb or something. I don't. It
3:10
doesn't matter anyway. All the girls are hidden down to Malibu. They're having
3:15
a girl's night girls. Of course, there's a lot of tension in the
3:20
group. We've got Kristen and Michelle and they're going to be seeing each other
3:25
again, and Janet's bitch ass, Jane's bitch ass is all worried about it.
3:30
God yeah, big Ol'd see you next Tuesday. But this opening with
3:36
Jackson, Brittany I thought was interesting because he's like doing the dishes. He's
3:39
bitching and moaning because he's the one, he says, who does all the
3:44
cleaning OCD. He's got kind of OCD like Sheena sheet. Oh my god,
3:49
And so he's the one who does the heavy lifting, is what he's
3:52
trying to say. And is this the part where they show some flashbacks of
3:57
him haranguing her about being hung olver for yes, because she's talking about the
4:02
girls' night and he's like, I think he's talking in his talking head or
4:06
something. He's like, I'm worried about her drinking a lot or whatever,
4:10
and then he shows the flashbacks or they show the flashbacks of him telling her
4:14
to be a mom and to be a grown up and to not be such
4:16
a drunk, which I'm like, I don't know how I feel about that.
4:18
I know how I feel, and so let's have a conversation right now
4:21
about it. This felt to me like Jax is campaigning and producing moments that
4:29
he can use against her in the future over the custody of Cruise, trying
4:32
to paint her out to be a drunk, somebody who's got a problem,
4:36
somebody who doesn't clean the house, having that shit on camera, having footage
4:42
of that that he might be able to refer back to in a later court
4:46
case. Because I feel like JACKX hates Brittany, like there's something about him
4:50
when he's trying to be so nice to her, Like at the end of
4:53
this episode, I'm like, Ooh, I don't think you like her at
4:56
all. No, not at all. I thought the same thing. I'm
4:59
like, you, I hate her. But I thought it was just so
5:01
hypocritical for him, because I mean, I haven't watched all the vander Punt
5:04
brus Okay, I don't know all of the lore, but I know enough
5:09
to know that Jack's is a piece of shit, and I know that he
5:12
drank a lot on VPR and was a total coke head age. So I'm
5:16
like, you're sitting there calling the mother of your child a drunk and that
5:20
she can't drink with her girlfriends to just let loose a little bit from her
5:25
miserable marriage to you, And you're saying that she's a bad mom for drinking
5:30
and getting drunk, And I'm like, what about you. He's been kind
5:32
of careful, don't you think in terms of this show is concerned, Like
5:36
they had a party at his house, he had a drink, I would
5:40
imagine, but he's not really showing himself going out to bars and drinking or
5:44
talking about having tequila. Really, it's more Brittany. I don't have any
5:47
doubt that he does it just as much, if not more, for sure
5:50
then Brittany. But it just feels very calculated to me in the way he's
5:55
trying to present this. And of course, now we know they're currently separated.
6:00
I don't know if they're going to get a divorce. Although I did
6:01
see Kristen on Watch What Happens Live. She was on with Tom Schwartz and
6:05
Andy asked whether they thought Brittany and Jack's were going to get back together,
6:11
whether this was temporary, and both of them said, no, they're not
6:13
going to get back together. Good Honestly, she deserves so much better Brittany.
6:17
She well, I mean she's so fucking annoying, but anyway, she
6:19
is, but I mean she's a girl. I mean, no, she's
6:23
not. But I mean she has her problems. But nobody deserves Jax Taylor,
6:27
no way. So do you really think he's like a Robin Brown master
6:30
manipulator, He's like producing himself on all of this to make sure he looks
6:34
good. I think absolutely he's manipulative. I think he's dumb like Robin Brown
6:42
is. So he's not necessarily the best at it. But he's had years
6:45
of experience, and so I think he's trying to do things behind the scenes,
6:48
and I think he's working against his wife, and I think it's actually
6:51
really fucked up and really sad. Damn. That's my opinion. I don't
6:55
know what y'all think. I mean, I believe it. And then we
6:58
have everybody kind of well not everybody. It's Brittany and I think in Janet
7:01
heading to Malibu in the car or whatever, and they're eating Cheetos and they're
7:06
talking shit, and Janet's like, yeah, I'm really worried about how it's
7:10
gonna go between Kristin and Michelle. And I'm like, sure, j and
7:13
shit up, that's a good one, sure, Janet. Yeah, No,
7:17
like she's the one that started it all. Yeah, so I'm like,
7:19
shut the f up. And then Britt's telling Janet about how he's calling
7:26
her out for being a drunk when she's not right. And I think though
7:30
while they're in the car or like shortly after Britt leaves or right before she
7:35
leaves to go to the girl's trip, Jax does tell her to have fun,
7:40
like go ahead, have fun, drink, get your drink on,
7:43
you know, just party with your friends. I want you to enjoy yourself.
7:45
So he gives her seeming permission to just have at it. Yeah and
7:50
let loose and a drink, and then we see him later in the episode,
7:54
obviously giving her a hard time about it. Yeah, we'll talk about
7:57
that when we get there. Because Brittany didn't need to do all that.
8:01
No, she didn't. Yes, it was a little much, but yeah,
8:03
I think he texted her that and she was like, I have it
8:05
him writing. She shows it to Janet and Janet's like, we can have
8:07
fun even though she's prego. Yeah, you can't do anything, gonna be
8:13
sober the whole time, right, which sounds terrible. It is to just
8:16
be the only soap that was you at Thanksgiving. It was so crazy.
8:20
But we're fun. Yeah, and we're not like trying to be mean to
8:24
people, Like we're just drunk and having faking sex jokes, asking about grand
8:28
baby, asking about your scissoring sex life in front of all my family.
8:35
Thank god, your poor nephew. He never comes up to Thanksgiving. He's
8:39
just like cheese. Oh he should. We're fun, I know anyway.
8:43
Anyway, So then everybody arrives at Nia's friends mansion. The view is amazing.
8:48
I guess I'm from how whatever, whatever, I thought it was beautiful.
8:54
I'm like, Dan, I've been around the world and I iver seen
8:56
a lot of beaches and stuff, and nobody get me. I care.
9:01
I'm just not here for the twenty million dollar house on Pacific Coast Highway in
9:05
Malibu. Any I'm okay, But I guess it's everything to these people in
9:11
Hollywood. So I hope they have a good time. We see that they
9:15
do, but do go on. Yeah, And then Kristin, I think,
9:18
is talking about how she's like all nauseous or whatever. Her and Luke
9:20
just banged the other day when she was at the massage table while the dogs
9:26
watched. Yeah, and so she's like hoping she's going to get pregnant.
9:30
She's feeling all nauseous, and so Luke's like, is it morning sickness?
9:33
Like it doesn't happen that quick. But okay, But I mean I've been
9:37
where Kristin is like really wanting to get pregnant and trying like month after month
9:43
to conceive, and ooh, it really gets in your head and you're looking
9:48
for any kind of symptom to let you know that there's something going on.
9:50
So she was excited. She was hopeful, and I actually wonder, because
9:54
of course we do go on to learn that she does get pregnant. She
10:00
ultimately, unfortunately trigger warning, does miscarrie. I think sometime last fall twenty
10:05
twenty three, but maybe right now in Malibu she could be pregnant. Maybe
10:11
Yeah. I think she takes a pregnancy test and she's like, it's negative,
10:13
and I'm like, that'll mean nothing, because when my mom was pretty
10:16
with me, she took a bunch of pregnancy tests and they were all negative.
10:18
Yeah, you were hiding out. I was in the shadow. I
10:20
was hanging out in her uterus, like, ha, bitch. Three months
10:26
later, I'm coming for you. My mom was so shocked, nineteen years
10:30
old, she's like, God, damn it, here comes bitch. Hay
10:33
Well. So after Kristen, we pan over to Michelle in her interstitial on
10:39
the couch and she's just like, oh God, I hope she's not pregnant.
10:43
We don't need the world doesn't need another one of her. This bitch.
10:46
Ma God. When she said this, literally, when she said this,
10:52
my thought was like, but you reproduced with Jesse, I know,
10:56
and he's the worst, you brought more of that in the world. Furthermore,
11:00
you're a mom for real, and you are commenting on somebody's fertility slash
11:07
pregnancy journey another woman, and it is the most like vile comment, like
11:11
you can have your opinions about Kristin and she might be crazy Kristin basket case
11:16
Kristin, but like to say something like that is so fucking over the top.
11:20
And so immediately I went to read it. Immediately I went to Instagram.
11:26
She is being dragged good for filth in both places. I went to
11:31
her Instagram and somebody called her out directly, like what the fuck? Why
11:35
would you even say something like that's horrible? And she commented back and she's
11:37
like, you're right, Oh, I've got my issues with Kristin, but
11:41
I should have never said that period. Well that's good. So she owned
11:46
it. At least she owned it for being a beal. And we do
11:48
know that she's in a relationship with Jesse Lally at this point. Yeah,
11:52
I'm during filming. She's unhappy. Looks like to me, she's cheating,
11:56
looks like she's gonna break his heart and dump him. So she's a lot
12:00
going on. So maybe in the moment, and even in these interstitials,
12:03
like she's got a lot of stress and so she's saying this kind of stuff.
12:07
But it was just terrible. Yeah, very I'm not a good love.
12:11
No. And then they all sit down to do like a sip and
12:13
paint with wine and juice or whatever. I know, I hate that.
12:18
Can't you imagine? No, I can't. I hate crap like that.
12:22
I did go to one of those painting and wine things. I mean those
12:26
are fun like classes and stuff with some friends, and I'm just like,
12:30
I don't like crafts. I don't like going places. I don't like people.
12:33
Yeah, like painting, I don't like pottery. I like booze,
12:39
I like reality TV, and I like my bed. I do like cheese,
12:41
Yeah, I do like cheese. But and that's it. That's it.
12:45
I don't need much more. I mean, it's only fun when it's
12:46
like with real, genuine people where you having a good time. But these
12:50
are all a bunch of fake ass bitches. Yeah, and they're all talking
12:52
about like setting intentions Butterfly, and I think Michelle's like, my intention is
13:00
love, right, because she's falling in love with some director at the Chateau
13:05
Marmal, which we will get to. We've got Kristen who's an EmPATH,
13:11
like being an EmPATH, like Robin Brown. It's really hard feeling so deeply,
13:16
do you know what I mean? Feeling everything inside of myself and in
13:20
the world. It's so overwhelming the amount that I feel. And the Bravo
13:26
editors doing her so durty, showing all the VPR flashbacks of her being so
13:33
crazy to watch. Oh my god, I love the clip of her falling
13:39
with her like leg out Jesus Christ hotness. Love it, Yeah, so
13:46
funny, But her intention is peace and empathy, yeah and love. And
13:50
an Nia starts crying because she's talking about her postpartum. She calls it baby
13:58
blues and like being, which is minimizing it or trying to make it seem
14:03
less than what it really is. She seems like she's really struggling coming out
14:09
to even admit that. I know. So she starts telling the table about
14:13
what she's going through, and I think on the couch. She describes it
14:16
as like this wave of depression, this wave of darkness that kind of overcomes
14:22
her and then starts to slowly dissipate, And it sounds like it happens at
14:26
various times, which is hormones. It's really the wash of hormones totally.
14:30
And she's such a sweet, wonderful person I know. And I remember after
14:37
I gave birth, I went to the doctor and I've already talked on the
14:41
pod about the shit that I went through. I lost my hair, I
14:43
was OCD, I was crazy. But I remember going to my doctor,
14:48
and I remember this was in the nineties, so I don't know if women
14:50
were talking about it back then or not, but I was embarrassed because I
14:54
felt like I was kind of going crazy. And I told her a little
14:58
bit about what was happening to me. Doctor Napolitano, Chicago, Illinois,
15:03
and she's like, I can help you with that. I can give you
15:05
medicine for that, Like this is something that's very normal and I can take
15:09
care of that. And I said no, I'm just like, no,
15:11
no, no, I don't want any pills. I don't want to be
15:15
on any medication because back then I just felt like that meant I was weak.
15:18
Yeah, I should have tooken the medication. Yeah, And I'm wondering
15:20
if Nia's on medication or if she's not wanting to be honest. Yeah,
15:24
because she's embarrassed. Yeah. I felt really bad for her because she just
15:28
is so weepy. And I mean it's only been like what like a month
15:31
or two or something like that. Yeah, so those are little it's totally
15:35
fresh, and I just felt bad for her. She's like breaking down to
15:37
this fake ass group of friends who I don't really think care too much,
15:41
Like maybe a couple of them, maybe Kristen, a couple of them maybe
15:45
care sympathic. Yeah, so hard to be in it. But but I
15:50
think Kristin cares. I think Michelle cares. I think the mother's there probably
15:54
care. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like some of
15:58
these bitches are I care, nia care too, And so does your husband
16:02
Danny, who's a king. We'll get to that lady. Yeah. So
16:04
that's it for the sipping paint whatever, it's dumb. Then we have the
16:08
guys. Yeah, at Jacks's house while all this is happening, he's holding
16:12
a barbecue. And I think it's like Jesse and Luke that bring like a
16:18
thirty pack of cors Light or something to like get drunk during the day for
16:22
a barbecue with their kids. They're ready to party. I mean, ladies
16:26
are out of town. We have the kids, yes, but like we're
16:30
going party, We're going to drink. Yeahah. And Zach shows up,
16:33
which I'm just like, one of these things is not like the other.
16:37
One of these things just doesn't belong. I'm like, Zach, you gotta
16:41
hate this. I know, like you'd rather be with the girls, that's
16:45
for sure. There's nothing wrong with that. He shows up with a snack
16:49
back, and he's like trying to act like a bro. And so they
16:52
all start, you know, dispersing and stuff. The kids going play in
16:56
their playroom by themselves. I guess the guys go out in the pool,
17:00
and this is when they start talking some shit. Right. We are starting
17:04
with Jesse, Yeah, his bidgeons, his therapy sessions with Michelle and how
17:11
that's been going. And this is where we learn though, that about a
17:15
year ago, Michelle said that she had applied for an apartment and she was
17:21
ready to dip. She was ready to b Yeah, and I guess that
17:26
freaked him out, and he's like, I want to work on it,
17:29
you know, I want to do whatever we need to do. He says
17:30
to the guys, like I gave her some space so she can kind of
17:33
figure out what she really wants. But the vibe is that it's not really
17:40
going that well, and Jesse has the feeling of that. But then was
17:45
it. Jack's says something like, and she's spending a lot of time at
17:49
Chateau Marmont with that guy. She's texting other guys as well. And Jesse,
17:56
I don't know, I can't remember how he reacts to this. I
17:57
feel like he kind of less well, he laughs and he's like, yeah,
18:02
she was over there the other night. She stayed really late, and
18:04
I'm just like, yeah, show him your tits and you know, pull
18:07
up your skirt. Because I think he wants this director as a client as
18:12
a client, but I also think he's I don't know, I think he's
18:17
suspicious, and I think that he's just putting on a brave face because he
18:22
might be suspecting that something is going on. And this is also the scene
18:26
where we have Luke say to the camera on the couch, well, I
18:30
really want to say something because I personally know a secret, but like,
18:34
now is not the time for me to say it. In the hot tub,
18:37
and then the producer when he's on the couch. It's like, well,
18:40
what's the secret and he's like, I don't know if I should say
18:41
anything, which makes me think that this is the secret that Kristin was alluding
18:47
to with the text to Michelle being like, I know some shit about you,
18:51
but I won't say it because I care about you. Well, on
18:53
watch What Happens Live this past Tuesday night, somebody asked Kristin, like,
18:57
what is the secret that Luke was ref referring to, And she's like,
19:00
just keep watching the Valley. It comes out, And of course we see
19:03
the preview for next week, and I think that's when it starts to come
19:07
out, starts to unravel a little bit, which I'm I love. Yeah,
19:11
But Jesse makes some stupid comment about like, you know, if Michelle
19:15
decides to leave or whatever, then I get to spend the next forty years
19:21
telling our daughter that it was her mom that ruined everything. Right. I'm
19:25
like, you're such an asshole, yeah, And he laughs it off as
19:27
if it's a joke, but I feel strongly that he means that. Oh
19:30
yeah. He also says that if she ever cheated on him, it would
19:34
be over de breaker, like he would never take her back. For that,
19:37
which I mean I agree with I would do the same thing with their
19:41
daughter. But the implication is that that is exactly what she's doing totally.
19:44
And as Luke is in the hot tub kind of with this weird smile on
19:48
his face like that's exactly what he wants to say, yea, but he's
19:52
not saying it. I wonder if more than just Luke and Kristen know,
19:55
like Jax probably has to know. I mean, he's suspected. Well,
19:57
Jack's on the couch talking about the director, right, And then of course
20:00
online you go up on x slash, Twitter, you go up on Reddit,
20:04
and people are trying to figure out who this director is. Somebody said
20:08
Tarantino, But it's not Tarantino, we don't think, because he lives most
20:11
of the time in Tel Aviv, Israel. Okay, Then people kind of
20:15
landed on Michael Bay. I don't know why, nor do I care to
20:21
live near Chateau Morbole. I don't know, but he was there around the
20:23
same time, and people are like fact checking time lines, looking at accounts
20:29
social media. I love the Internet, so it might be Michael Bay that
20:32
she was spending some time with. Yeah, wow, amazing, Yeah,
20:36
I love this juicy shit. Yeah. And then back at Nia's friend's mansion,
20:41
we have Brittany and Michelle talking, and this is where Michelle's kind of
20:45
opening up to Brittany about how she's not happy with Jesse, which I mean
20:51
is plainly obvious, like we know you've been saying it since episode one,
20:55
but you hate this guy and you're not attracted him at all. And she
20:57
says she's been up, she's been on how since the birth of Isabella and
21:02
she feels really alone. And then she kind of talks about their relationship during
21:06
COVID, right. So I guess during COVID, right when Isabelle was born,
21:11
they were together because they kind of had to be, and so he
21:15
was helping, he was hands on. But then as soon as everything opened
21:18
back up from COVID, he like was right back out in his business,
21:22
doing things, staying out, and she felt like deeply alone, very lonely.
21:27
So it sounded like Jesse was neglecting her because she couldn't leave her child
21:32
behind and he had to work. I guess, yeah, that's how things
21:36
happened. But she's been sad and lonely and now she's cheating on him.
21:41
And in this scene as they're talking, doesn't Brittany also kind of commiserate and
21:45
say, yeah, like things aren't so great between Jackson and I kind of
21:48
yeah, she kind of alludes to it, but then I think she gets
21:51
more into during the truth or dare right, But yeah, she kind of
21:55
does say like, I know how you feel, right, because I you
21:57
know, it's kind of how Jacks is. He's not really like around much
22:00
and I feel bad for both of them. And then Michelle, I think,
22:06
says, you know, I'm kind of going back and forth between leaving
22:10
and staying because if I stay, like we're just fighting all the time,
22:14
right, And I don't want Isabelle to see that. So maybe it'll be
22:18
better if she just sees two friends that are happy. But I'm like,
22:21
I don't think Jesse wants to be friends with you though. Yeah, Jesse
22:23
strikes me as the kind of person who would be extremely punitive if you dumped
22:26
him. He would make your life a living hell if he could, totally.
22:30
But if she got a man like Michael Bay bringing in all those coins,
22:34
yeah, and she'll be she don't care, but yeah, she will
22:37
not care. And I mean she's gorgeous, so she can get any man.
22:41
Yeah, but she's kind of got a black heart but anyway a little
22:42
bit, but maybe that's because of Jesse. She can't have a black heart
22:45
though, because she's part Persian, part Mexican. I'm sorry. She's a
22:52
good person, right, Yeah. And then we have everybody playing truth or
22:56
Dare and getting drunk except Janet of course. And I think this is where,
22:59
like Nia leaves, she gets a text from Danny like the ac is
23:03
out. It is eighty nine degrees. I'm like, we're in't that's cool?
23:08
I know you're in Texas, but like it's eighty nine degrees. Yeah,
23:11
kids are screaming can you please come home? Yeah, and she's like,
23:14
oh, guys, I gotta go. I'm really sorry. I'm just
23:15
gonna go get myself and leave. Kind of like break wow. And there's
23:19
an interstitial with Jasmine who's like he should not have called or texted and asked
23:25
her to come home because she really needs this. She's going through a lot.
23:29
She needs to be with her girls. And I kind of felt the
23:33
same way. But then when I mentioned it to you, you said,
23:36
yeah, before recording this, I was like, I don't know, maybe
23:37
it was planned, Like maybe she texted Danny on the slide, was like,
23:41
get me the fuck out of here. Yeah, I don't want to
23:42
be here anymore with these losers. And or I miss my baby. I
23:47
missed my babies. I want to be I'm sad, and so send me
23:49
a text and say I've got to come home right away. And I can
23:52
actually see that totally done before. Yeah, I've done many times. I've
23:56
texted your daughter, please get me out of here. I wouldn't want to
24:00
hang out with all those chicks. No way, tell you that right now.
24:03
No way. I'd rather be at home, in my comfort zone with
24:06
my handsome man who loves me. Yeah, I mean she so anyway,
24:11
she leaves. Then they start playing truth or dare Yes they do, And
24:15
this was kind of crazy because Brittany, yeah, just literally we learn the
24:22
story of her letting it all out with a bunch of stingrays. She's talking
24:25
about whether she poops in front of her partner and Michelle's like, abba,
24:30
absolutely not. I mean it's not like he knows I'm going into the bathroom,
24:37
but he has no idea like what's happening in there. And Brittany tells
24:41
the story of being out in a boat and swimming with stingrays and having to
24:45
poop and having no bathroom, so she just shit in the ocean and the
24:48
stingrays probably ate it. And I'm like, wow, you're saying this on
24:52
camera. Brittany embarrassed, but also she's like, yeah, Jack said,
24:57
I shit in front of each other all the time, and they do a
25:00
flashback to Jack sitting on the toilet shitting with a door open. You know,
25:04
I'm like, that's not good. If you ask me as an old
25:08
head, as a OG, I mean, you've got to preserve some of
25:11
the romance. Of course, even Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live,
25:15
He's like, you can't be doing that in front of your part But I
25:19
mean maybe there's a lot of people out there that do that and it works.
25:23
But for me and my house, we don't shoot in front of each
25:27
other. I will not fart for smile, don't fart no second of all.
25:30
If I did fart, which I wouldn't even know what that's like,
25:33
I would never do that in front of my partner. I mean, I
25:37
don't want to even hear him using the bathroom. No, and you can't
25:41
hear you really can. Oh, my god well, and he announces it,
25:48
I got well in our last platform, did you listen to you Patreon?
25:52
Yeah, our last platform. We had caught him on recordings. I
25:56
got boop. We put it at the top. But anyway, so apparently
26:00
britt stays pooping in front of Jack's yikes. Okay. Then and then she
26:07
talks about their sex life, because everybody goes around talking about their sex life.
26:10
And Brittany's like, yeah, it's been like a month and a half.
26:12
But in like last episode, you were talking about once or twice a
26:15
year, So are you lying? Has it really been a month and a
26:18
half, Like, I don't know, that could have been one of the
26:22
times out of the twice a year. Oh go. In any event,
26:26
it's not looking so great for Brittany and Jack's Yeah, they're not having a
26:30
lot of boom boom. She's pooping in front of them, right, But
26:33
what is the most I think important thing to discuss is why. And this
26:38
is where she starts to get emotional because she admits to the group and confirms
26:44
what you said, which I didn't know if it were true, because it
26:47
couldn't conceive of a world where somebody would be so mean to their partner and
26:52
put them down. But she says jacks puts her down. Does she say
26:56
specifically about her body? Yeah, she's like he does beautiful, he doesn't
27:00
make me feel sexy. He makes comments and then she starts puts me down.
27:04
Yeah, And I felt really fucking bad for her. And that's just
27:08
what she's saying. And she sang it on cameras, so you can only
27:12
imagine how much worse it is. Oh yeah, behind closed doors, when
27:17
there are no cameras. He's probably really cruel to her. I mean I
27:19
could just see it. Oh yeah, I could see him being very mean
27:22
one hundred percent and saying just really snid shit to her. And that's why
27:26
she's got this plastic surgery, you know what I mean. Like she probably
27:30
feels really fucking insecure about herself because she's like, man, my husband doesn't
27:33
think I'm hot anymore. Yeah, and what can I do? And that's
27:37
fucked up? Yes, it is when Jackson's no prize himself. Indeed,
27:41
let's be real. Yeah, I felt really bad for her, and I
27:44
think everybody was a little shocked at just how bad it is in their marriage.
27:48
Yeah, because Brittany kind of acts like it's fine, like she's always
27:52
smiling whatever. She doesn't like get I mean, I haven't seen her so
27:56
far get super emotional on the show until this moment, so I'm sure everybody
28:00
was kind of surprised, like, geez, what's going on there? Yeah,
28:04
it's not good. Nope. And so then they get drunk. They
28:08
go on to have a party. Yeah, we see some pictures and some
28:14
footed would you see a picture of I think Janet and somebody else, and
28:17
then Brittany's in the background, like passed out, kind of sleeping. So
28:21
Brittany's drinking a lot. They're having tequila, they're having a lot of liquor.
28:25
And so this is where we have a conversation about that because even though
28:30
I think Jack's is a hypocrite and he's probably drinking as much, if not
28:37
more, plus allegedly doing cocaine, uh huh, like he's probably doing drugs
28:41
as well, allegedly in my opinion, even though all of that is true,
28:47
I feel like, how much she's drinking and having the footage of like
28:52
two or three times of her being hungover and or drunk, I'm like,
28:55
oh, you might actually have an issue here. And even though Jack's might
29:00
be weaponizing. It doesn't mean it's not an issue. Yeah, And I
29:03
think she's coping. I think it's really just because she's depressed and she's in
29:07
a miserable marriage. Not saying that that's right, because you have to be
29:11
responsible. You're an adult and you have a child, like maybe don't drink
29:15
all the time like that. But I think it's really just a coping.
29:18
That's my fake psychic prediction with that. And I feel bad for her for
29:22
well. But I mean back in the day when she was on VPR,
29:25
I think she was also really into drinking, like really into tequila younger though
29:30
she was younger and they were partying, they were all kind of doing that.
29:33
I don't know. I just feel like if I were her, especially
29:37
if I'm hearing it from my piece of shit husband, who would it would
29:41
not surprise me if he tried to use it against me. I would clean
29:44
my shit up. Yeah, I would do. But I mean, at
29:47
the same time, I'm married to jack'son get me the fuck out of here.
29:48
I want to see my girls. I want to go out, I
29:51
want to party, want to have fun. I want to live my life
29:52
because when I'm home it's such a bummer exactly, and you gave me permission
29:59
on a tap you said it was okay, right, So I'm gonna get
30:02
drunk a pass out. Yeah. So the next day they're all getting ready
30:06
to leave the rental, there being being mansion and they all had fun party.
30:11
I guess Kristen left early, right, And so then I think Janet
30:17
has to take Brittany home, right, And this is where she's starting to
30:18
talk about, like how she doesn't want to deal with her pukin in the
30:22
back of the car, right because she's looking like she wants to vomit,
30:26
And Janet doesn't want to have to deal with this all the way home.
30:29
But she takes Britney home and then she lets Jackson know, like you got
30:33
to drive me home because Britney was supposed to do it. But like she's
30:36
still so drunk from the night before that she can't drive a car. Y,
30:38
Like I don't know, and I don't want to judge, because I
30:41
have certainly had my share of cocktail with my deer, Yeah, but like
30:44
I have you ever seen me fucking drunk except for Thanksgiving? And I was
30:48
like just having some wine. I was not like so fucked up that I
30:52
was out of control or like blacking out. No, I've never seen either
30:56
of you your husband know how to like even get to that point or like
31:00
I would know if I'm approaching getting so drunk, and I would stop.
31:04
And so it just makes me wonder about her because she's getting so fucked up
31:10
that she's blacking out, and like she can't drive next day and she's vomiting,
31:12
I know, on the Pacific clost Highway. Gross, Which have you
31:15
ever driven that? Yes? They have? Oh my I've gotten drive.
31:18
I wasn't driving it, but I've been on it. Yes, dude.
31:21
No, wonder she was puking because it's like literally like this the whole way
31:23
there, but like, yike's pretty not a good look. And then I
31:29
think when she gets home it's found that she was barfing into a bag.
31:33
Yeah, the whole way home. I'm like, girl, yeah, embarrassing.
31:37
If you're barfing into a bag, you might want to just evaluate your
31:41
life choices a little bit. Like you can go out and have some cocktails
31:45
and like have a great time, but like you don't have to get to
31:47
the point where like you're showing up in pictures blacked out. That's my sleeping.
31:51
I think maybe she's depressed or something, because you only get really like
31:55
that unless you're like mentally struggling or in your twenties. Oh yeah, I
32:00
guess not me though, I'm not you at all. I never I don't
32:02
drink. No, you do not, but you do smoke, So don't
32:05
come at me with that energy. But like I never drink. It's like
32:07
a literal poison. I'm like, yeah, but you smoke, you stay
32:10
smoked. I pukan, I can hold a conversation sort of, I can,
32:15
okay, fuck you all right, it's the next scene. Yeah,
32:22
we have Danny and niaka house. Yeah, very good scene. Yes,
32:27
she's crying. She's talking about her baby blues aka postpartum like she's trying to
32:31
keep depression. Yeah, that's what she's calling it. She's like, I
32:36
don't even want to admit that that's what I'm feeling because I feel like I
32:39
can just be okay, like I can just deal with it. But she's
32:42
like crying and Danny, being the king that he is, is being super
32:46
comforting, being very supportive, validating her feelings. I just love him.
32:52
I love them every scene I seen them in and just very expressly telling her
32:54
like there is nothing to be ashamed of, like that you have these issues,
32:59
are the these feelings, and like we'll just get your help and we'll
33:02
have you see a therapist too specializes in postpartum and like we'll get you what
33:07
you need and it's going to be okay. Just the best possible presence and
33:12
answers for her in the moment, like just really an example for these other
33:15
terrible men on this show of how to be a good partner to a woman,
33:19
to anybody. And I know this might be an inappropriate comment, but
33:22
while she was crying, I'm like, dang, you're so beautiful, Like
33:24
she's beautiful in every scene, so graceful, such a good person, I
33:30
feel like, and I just I felt bad that she was so heartbroken.
33:32
She's dealing with all of this. Me too. I wonder if they're going
33:36
to be on the next season because they're so normal. I know, they're
33:38
so pleasant, they're so grounded and chill, like I love them, Yeah,
33:43
me too. Yeah, So they'll probably get rid of them, probably
33:46
probably. And then we have Jackson Brittany at their house. It's after the
33:51
girls' night, she's home whatever, she's sobered up, kind of kind of
33:55
right, and they have a conversation about their Schmeck's life. Right, so
34:00
what do you think about it? Well, we start the conversation before we
34:02
even get to the schmecks. He's hitting her up about being so hungover about
34:08
there being a bag of vomit in his front driveway, like why do you
34:12
have to take it to this limit? He's like, I went out last
34:14
night. You know, I went to the bar. I had a few
34:15
drinks, but I was home by ten thirty. Yeah, you know,
34:19
I stayed up with Cruise until midnight, and that was perfectly fine. I
34:22
was not drunk. Af Like, why are you going out and doing all
34:25
of this? And she says, well, you told me this text that
34:29
I could go out and party and have fun, so that's exactly what I
34:31
did. But here you are giving me a hard time about it. And
34:35
so they kind of go back and forth about that, and they both have
34:39
valid points, but only one has an ulterior motive, and I think that's
34:44
Jack's for sure. Yeah, because I mean Jack's was saying like, you
34:46
know, I don't care if you drink and have fun or whatever, but
34:49
like you are a mom, and I was like, yeah, yeah,
34:51
but you're a dad. You're a dad. It's just give a mom.
34:53
I hate him, I know. Yeah, he's such a misogynist. It's
34:57
a critical Yes, what are you doing? You're doing lines in the bathroom.
35:00
Yes, sure's cocaine around the nostril as we speak. So don't be
35:02
lecturing Britney. Thank you seriously. Yeah, we can talk about it,
35:07
like we can talk about Brittany and opine about how she should act and what
35:09
she should do, but like Jack, shut the fuck up, in no
35:12
position to lecture your wife. And he's also saying, like in his talking
35:15
head, he's like we're in California. Just smoke a joint, Like,
35:19
okay, So the double standard like get high as a mom instead of getting
35:23
drunk, which I mean, I know there's a lot of moms that smoke
35:27
weed and whatever. That's fine, do you do you? But I just
35:30
think it's like, yeah, apples oranges, yes. And then they get
35:35
into the sex life yes stuff, because she's like it's been a month and
35:37
a half and he's like it's been that long. Geez, Well maybe he's
35:40
surprised because he's having sex with somebody else. That's when they get too Yeah,
35:45
he looks so like not interested in any of this, Like he looks
35:50
like he fucking hates her. Yeah, he's not attracted to he's performing for
35:53
the cameras as a good husband or trying to approximate it to the best of
35:57
his ability, which he cannot do because he's a bad person. And totally.
36:01
Kristen did say on Watch What Happens Live because Andy asked whether he thought
36:07
whether she thought Kristin and or Tom thought that they were breaking up Brittany and
36:13
Jax because he cheated, and Kristen said unequivocally, unequivocally, absolutely not.
36:19
And Tom Schwartz said he did not cheat. So and I think if Jack
36:22
had cheated, Kristen would have come for his neck for sure. Really yes,
36:27
so she would have called him up. Hasn't cheated, That's what Kristen
36:30
thinks. And she's like, absolutely, has not done that. Wow.
36:35
And she's like, and if you want to know why they're separated, well
36:37
watch the show because Brittany is actually telling us that he treats her badly and
36:43
they don't have sex, and he doesn't take care of her. He makes
36:45
her feel bad about herself. So that's why they're separated. Does not concern
36:49
another woman. Wow. That's very interesting because in this conversation I was kind
36:53
of going back and forth with them, like maybe he is cheating, but
36:57
he doesn't seem like he is. It just seems like he's not interested in
37:00
having sex with her at all. He just doesn't want a banger. I
37:04
don't think he's attracted her anymore. He's over it, but she knows she
37:07
does, and she brings it up. She's like, I feel like you
37:09
are attracted to me. He's like, of course I am. She brings
37:12
up her body in specific. She's like, my body has changed since I've
37:15
had cruise, and like I'm feeling insecure about that. I need you to
37:19
like tell me I'm beautiful. Yeah. Like she gives him the roadmap on
37:22
how to make her feel better, but we all know he's not going to
37:27
use the map and he's not going to do it because he's really not interested
37:30
in working on this relationship. In fact, I think he cannot wait until
37:32
he's actually divorced so he can put himself back on that market. Oh for
37:37
sure. Even though I'm like, who would sleep with Jazz? I think
37:38
there's a lot of women who would sleep with Jacks, I think. I
37:42
mean, if I can take my feeling about it out of it, I
37:45
think he's a handsome man. I mean, I can see how somebody would
37:49
think that he's handsome. I mean I can see it. And it's Hollywood
37:52
and there's clout goblins. There's gonna be a woman that will be happy to
37:57
step in her place. And I think Brittany knows that. Yeah, but
38:00
she even tells him like, I need you to step it up and basically
38:04
beg me more. And his answer to that is I want to do butt
38:07
stuff. Yeah, he makes a joke because he doesn't want to do it
38:09
and he's not going to. No, he's going to force himself to do
38:12
it. And I think in his I don't think he's gonna do it.
38:15
I think he'll force himself to out a pity. He's like, I'll do
38:17
it just to appease you, but then it'll go back to bullshit again.
38:22
You know, it'll go back to not being fucked at all. But in
38:24
his talking head, he's like, yeah, it's just hard to like get
38:29
hard because things have been crazy lately and I'm just doing a lot man,
38:34
right, say something like when things are going down up here, then things
38:37
go down down here, Yes, saying that he can't get it up.
38:40
I guess, I guess. I mean he's in his forties, right,
38:44
Yeah, don't men kind of start to I mean, I don't know,
38:49
like women peek, yeah, and men fall down. My husband is like
38:52
a teenage boy. And I'm not just saying that trying to big up my
38:54
husband like he's like a teenage boy, even though I should uncensored. All
39:01
right, we are back from un censored. Where were we? We were
39:06
talking about the dick game. Yeah, so not necessarily, just because he's
39:08
in his early forties or mid forties doesn't mean he can't get it up.
39:13
Okay, certainly not. But maybe it's all the cocaine and all this stuff
39:15
that's true that could be breaking his dick. Yep. But they start talking
39:20
about their sex life. They want to get better with it, and Jackson's
39:22
like, yeah, you know, like we just need to spice things up,
39:27
you know, maybe and then it'll get better. He doesn't believe anymore,
39:30
and he doesn't want to do it, and he's not going to.
39:31
So I don't think he's going to start fucking her, not even for a
39:34
period of time. No, But he doesn't want to divorce her though,
39:37
because he says the D word doesn't exist to my family. She said that,
39:39
No, I thought he said that. She said that, so she
39:43
thought we're a team. We don't we don't say the word divorce or the
39:47
D word or whatever. I thought it was her. Maybe I'm him.
39:50
I don't know one of them said it. Okay. I felt like she
39:52
was driving that message and he was just agreeing with it. That's I can't
39:58
understand mentalities like that. I'm like, Okay, you'd rather be in a
40:00
miserable, awful marriage forever because you just don't want to get divorced out of
40:06
the principle Like yes, I mean she comes from an evangelical background, Christian
40:10
background, which is there's some stuff around that too. But I'm losing steam.
40:15
I can't talk anymore. Tired. Is this the last thing we have
40:17
to talk about? Oh? We do Jesse and Michelle's talk. Oh yeah,
40:22
which was pretty good. That was pretty good. We got to cover
40:24
that. Yes, we've had that talk before with somebody, with a couple
40:29
of people. Really, Yes, we're that other person that man is so
40:32
in love with you but you already know you're gone. Do you think he's
40:37
actually in love with her, yes, or I think that he is in
40:40
love with her. I think he wants to stay together. When he teared
40:45
up when she was saying she doesn't know what she wants, and he's like,
40:47
I know what I want. I want to be with you. I
40:51
felt that it felt real to me, which surprises me from him. But
40:54
I think that he really wants to keep his family together, and I think
40:57
he really wants to stay with Michelle. But she's so fucking checked out in
41:00
the eyes. She's already got a man, Honey, she got a man.
41:05
And it's not Jesse, and she's not saying it in the moment,
41:07
but I could feel that from it. It's Michael Bay. Yeah, she's
41:10
already gone. She's saying like, I don't know, I don't know if
41:15
I want to work it out, but I'll try, yeah, Which I'm
41:17
just like, geez, what kind of thing to say to somebody that you're
41:22
supposed to be like in a marriage with, Like normally if you have problems
41:24
in tears too, yeah, Like normally, if you're having problems, you're
41:27
like, Okay, let's go to a couple's therapy. If you're in a
41:30
healthy relationship. Let's go to couple's therapy. Let's figure this out because we
41:32
both want to be together. No, No, she's over it, which
41:36
I can't blame her because he's awful. And that's where I'm like, does
41:38
he actually care about her because he treats her like shit? Well, but
41:42
that's just who he is, that's his nature. He's a misogynistic prick.
41:46
He's egotistical and conceited. But she married him like that. Ye, she
41:52
got him like that and he's stayed like that. That doesn't negate the fact
41:54
that I think that he wants to keep his marriage together and he probably is
41:59
in love with her and wants to rekindle their relationship and wants her to be
42:04
sexually attracted to him, which she's not because he was so terrible to her
42:08
in the past and she has moved on. Yeah, I can't blame her.
42:12
And the thing about a woman, honeys. Let me tell you.
42:15
They will tell you what they need, they will tell you what they want.
42:17
They will tell you and tell you and tell you when they stop telling
42:21
you, and when they're actually checked out and gone, they're gone for good
42:25
and cannot get them. Bay, believe me, so many may have tried
42:29
to get this back. Bit you don't even know. So many men have
42:34
come back trying to get this back. But no, once what, I'm
42:37
gone, it's over. You've never been dumped. We've talked about this before.
42:42
You've never been dumped. You're the one that's always leaving your life,
42:45
bay bitch, that's right. So I mean, I'm just saying, if
42:49
Jesse could act more like Danny yoh, yes, oh my god, Michelle
42:52
would be sucking his dick all day every day. Maybe she's really far gone.
42:57
Well, but I mean if he had done that, because yes,
43:00
when she still wanted it, he could have saved that relationship totally by taking
43:05
a lesson or two from Danny. Yep. But he'll be single and forty,
43:07
just like Tom Schwartz too, proud yep, yep. And then we
43:10
have the preview for the next few episodes. I think Jacks is talking about
43:17
Michelle texting other men, which we love. Yes, And then there's the
43:22
hallway scene too. We've got Luke and Kristen and we've got Jesse and Michelle,
43:28
and Jesse's telling Luke like, if you're intending to share some of my
43:31
skeletons, that I don't even know about. I am going to bury you.
43:36
And I think Luke is saying something like, go take care of your
43:38
wife, like your problem in with me, honey, your problem is with
43:42
your wife and the shit this she's doing. Yes, so I think it's
43:46
about to go down. Yes, I'm kind of liking Luke just like popping
43:50
off on this group of people that he doesn't even care about. He doesn't
43:52
give a shit. Ye can't do it. Yeah, he does not care
43:55
about them. He's the tallest one there too. Yeah, and what are
43:58
you gonna do? Jesse acting like you're gonna fight? Luke looks like,
44:00
okay, all right, I guess we're gonna fight then. Yeah, she's
44:05
not scared at all. I'm kind of liking the valley as he seems scared
44:09
to learn the truth about his wife. I know, isn't that interesting because
44:13
he said in the hot tep scene, in the pool scene that he would
44:16
not forgive that that's the one thing he cannot come back from. So as
44:21
soon as that comes from Luke's mouth or Kristen's mouth, he's gonna have to
44:24
do something about it. Oh. I think it will destroy Jesse's ego because
44:30
I think he thinks he got the queen like the prize. I mean,
44:35
Michelle is beautiful, yeah, like objectively out of his league. So to
44:39
find out that she's cheating on his ass, Oh my god, it's gonna
44:43
destroy him. Yep. I can't wait to see Delicia delicious food in the
44:47
Darpster. So good. Well, any final thoughts about The Valley. Well,
44:54
at first when the season started, I was like, what's going on?
44:59
But now I'm I'm like, Okay, there's a lot going on.
45:00
There's a lot going on, and we have two divorces coming up. I'm
45:05
like, yes, not like I'm wishing for it to happen, but I'm
45:07
just like, give me the tea. We got staying raised Eden, pooh,
45:13
we got Michelle banging an unknown director. We've got so much happening.
45:20
I'm in a bag, everybody. Yes, we will be back next week
45:22
to continue our conversation about VPRM The Valley, and indeed we'll be back on
45:28
Tuesday and or Wednesday to discuss seeking Sister Wife. Yeah, Beatrice, is
45:32
there anything else that we need to say to these beautiful raccoons? Well,
45:36
if you love our podcast, I sure hope you go to your favorite podcast
45:38
platform and leave us a glowing five star review. Really helps us Girl the
45:44
Pod. And also, if you're watching on YouTube, make sure you like
45:45
these videos, comment, subscribe to our freaking channel. Oh god, please
45:51
please and thank you. Please. Also, never forget that we have nothing
45:55
but love for you. We hope you have a great day and a great
45:59
weekend and until next time, please bye bye guys. Mm hmm