Latest / Scotty and Abby UNFILTERED / A Bucs LEGEND humiliated Scotty at our Tailgate!!!!!

Transcript

A Bucs LEGEND humiliated Scotty at our Tailgate!!!!! · Scotty and Abby UNFILTERED

0:00
Speaker 1: Hi, everyone. I have zero idea. Oh, wait. I'm not
0:03
Speaker 1: able to access mic. No, my mic is still here.
0:06
Speaker 1: You guys, I don't know what's going on with my camera.
0:09
Speaker 1: So I hate that you can't see my face as
0:11
Speaker 1: I'm talking to you. But I guess this is just
0:13
Speaker 1: sort of what you do anyway when you hear me
0:15
Speaker 1: on the radio or on the podcast. You just hear
0:16
Speaker 1: me gab. So I feel like I'm constantly having technical
0:20
Speaker 1: issues with my freaking laptop or Riverside or whatever. So
0:23
Speaker 1: I apologize. But anyway, welcome to the paid episode of
0:25
Speaker 1: Trampa Bay Monday. I... you know, it's funny when you
0:29
Speaker 1: have long conversations with friends, I feel like you're sort
0:32
Speaker 1: of excavating parts of yourself, whether it's in therapy or
0:36
Speaker 1: just having, again, a long conversation with a friend, there
0:38
Speaker 1: are parts of yourself that you dig up that you
0:40
Speaker 1: didn't realize were there. And, I was having this long,
0:44
Speaker 1: like three hour walk with my friend Tori. And we
0:48
Speaker 1: were talking about our past histories with Christianity and how
0:53
Speaker 1: we view it now as adults. And I've had conversations
0:56
Speaker 1: about this a lot on my sub stack. And I
0:58
Speaker 1: think it's been a minute since I've given you an
1:00
Speaker 1: update or just talked about it in general. But I
1:02
Speaker 1: guess this is a new development or a new feeling
1:05
Speaker 1: that I'm having that I'm a little bit nervous to
1:07
Speaker 1: talk about because I think this is the subject that
1:10
Speaker 1: I get the most, not pushback on, but I get
1:12
Speaker 1: the most like interesting DMs when I start talking about
1:15
Speaker 1: religion or Christianity. And I think it's because religion and
1:19
Speaker 1: Christianity is so deeply personal to people. And that sometimes
1:21
Speaker 1: like when somebody's struggling with it, it feels like a,
1:25
Speaker 1: not a personal attack, but it definitely feels like, I
1:29
Speaker 1: think it's a very uncomfortable feeling for other people to
1:32
Speaker 1: sit and listen to. And so by all means, like
1:34
Speaker 1: me talking about my faith or former faith or not
1:37
Speaker 1: really sharing, not, really being sure where I stand with
1:39
Speaker 1: it now. It's just me kind of processing things out
1:43
Speaker 1: loud and documenting this as just a part of what
1:46
Speaker 1: I do as a creator. I just am sort of
1:48
Speaker 1: diaristic in what I'm up to and talking about. And
1:51
Speaker 1: this is the newest feeling in this chapter or this
1:56
Speaker 1: section of and this storyline in my life. And the
1:59
Speaker 1: feeling that came up, and it came up kind of
2:01
Speaker 1: during this conversation I was having with Tori, but it's
2:03
Speaker 1: also kind of been simmering beneath the surface for maybe
2:06
Speaker 1: the last week or two, just because I'm in a
2:08
Speaker 1: really difficult phase of my life that I've talked about
2:11
Speaker 1: ad nauseum. So I'm not going to like, you know,
2:13
Speaker 1: repeat everything I've already said on my sub stack, but
2:15
Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm not where I wanted to
2:18
Speaker 1: be at this age. And I really felt like I'd
2:20
Speaker 1: worked hard to get to a place where I didn't
2:22
Speaker 1: have to be the person that said that, like, I
2:24
Speaker 1: really thought like, okay, I did the thing and now
2:26
Speaker 1: I'm going to get to like live in that, um,
2:29
Speaker 1: in that dream and success for a while. And I
2:31
Speaker 1: think just kind of getting knocked on my ass this
2:34
Speaker 1: year in so many different ways, not even really just
2:36
Speaker 1: career wise, but like, I just really feel not that
2:40
Speaker 1: I'm at rock bottom. Cause I think that I think
2:42
Speaker 1: rock bottom would look very, very, very different than how
2:44
Speaker 1: my life is. So I don't, there's gotta be like
2:46
Speaker 1: a rock middle. Like, can I say that I'm in
2:48
Speaker 1: rock middle? Um, Like I feel like I'm somewhere, I'm
2:52
Speaker 1: just in a really, really difficult spot in so many
2:56
Speaker 1: different areas of my life. So let's put the job
2:59
Speaker 1: thing aside. Like of course, losing my job last year
3:03
Speaker 1: uprooted my life. But as a result, like so many
3:06
Speaker 1: other things have really bubbled up to the surface because
3:08
Speaker 1: of just where I'm at. Because I had to move,
3:11
Speaker 1: I had to choose a place that made sense just life-wise.
3:14
Speaker 1: And for me, that was moving to Tampa, moving to
3:16
Speaker 1: a place where I was gonna be able to have
3:18
Speaker 1: stable housing or so I thought. and, you know, have
3:22
Speaker 1: a little bit more affordability, living in an estate with
3:24
Speaker 1: no income tax, all the things, just trying to like
3:26
Speaker 1: make my life as stable as it could be during
3:28
Speaker 1: a very turbulent time. And as a result, I've just
3:31
Speaker 1: been like very, depressed and bitter about a lot of
3:36
Speaker 1: things in my life. And I think having really gotten
3:39
Speaker 1: knocked on my ass, you're kind of wondering for so
3:42
Speaker 1: many years, I believed in a creator and having hope.
3:47
Speaker 1: And I think for the first time I understand like
3:48
Speaker 1: what adults would mean by you have hope when you
3:50
Speaker 1: have faith or religion, because when you get to a
3:54
Speaker 1: place where you're like, I don't know how I'm going
3:56
Speaker 1: to rebuild or get this thing that I want or,
3:59
Speaker 1: you I don't even know what I want anymore. When
4:02
Speaker 1: you're at a place where you like don't even really
4:04
Speaker 1: know what to do or what to say or what
4:07
Speaker 1: to pursue and you're just kind of like I'm so
4:10
Speaker 1: helpless and feeling like you're crying out to the universe
4:13
Speaker 1: or God or whatever and it just being silent is
4:16
Speaker 1: like the most deafening, heart-wrenching feeling ever. And I just
4:21
Speaker 1: am like, how did I get here? And I've been
4:24
Speaker 1: looking at choices I've made over the course of my
4:27
Speaker 1: life and maybe not resenting the fact that I grew
4:31
Speaker 1: up super Christian, but feeling a little bit like, have
4:35
Speaker 1: I been robbed of just a very normal human existence?
4:40
Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is I think hard
4:42
Speaker 1: work and doing the right thing and just this pursuit
4:46
Speaker 1: of I don't want to say perfection, but I do
4:49
Speaker 1: think there is a level of perfectionism that is intertwined
4:53
Speaker 1: in Christianity because there's so much about like, you know,
4:57
Speaker 1: when you do wrong, repent, or you don't want to
4:59
Speaker 1: sin and all these things about like, don't do that,
5:02
Speaker 1: be good, all the things that I feel like because
5:05
Speaker 1: I take life so literally and so seriously that I
5:10
Speaker 1: just tried to do all the right things and to
5:13
Speaker 1: be as good as possible in so many areas of
5:15
Speaker 1: my life. Mostly because I enjoy doing good works and
5:19
Speaker 1: I enjoy working hard for the most part. But I
5:21
Speaker 1: also wonder if a lot of the parts of my
5:24
Speaker 1: life that I pursued perfectionism or goodness or whatever, like
5:28
Speaker 1: I wonder if that was driven by my faith and
5:32
Speaker 1: if hypothetically that thing isn't actually real. And I'm just
5:36
Speaker 1: saying hypothetically because that's where I'm at, where I'm just
5:39
Speaker 1: questioning my faith and religion in general. You know, it
5:42
Speaker 1: feels like I've built my entire life on something that
5:46
Speaker 1: really had no payoff. Do you know what I mean?
5:48
Speaker 1: Like you do all the right things and you still
5:49
Speaker 1: end up in a difficult place or you do all
5:51
Speaker 1: the right things and it just doesn't feel fulfilling anymore.
5:56
Speaker 1: I mean that from a place of like doing all
5:58
Speaker 1: the right things and still feeling like it wasn't enough
6:01
Speaker 1: or life didn't work out or whatever. And I've been
6:04
Speaker 1: talking a lot in therapy about how I live this
6:07
Speaker 1: very controlled, disciplined life because that's just kind of to
6:09
Speaker 1: an extent who I am. And then I think maybe
6:12
Speaker 1: the religion kind of inflates that a little bit. I
6:14
Speaker 1: live this very controlled life to where I don't really
6:17
Speaker 1: make intentional mistakes. I don't really do stupid things for
6:20
Speaker 1: the sake of doing stupid things. Mostly because again, like
6:22
Speaker 1: I just don't enjoy fucking up, but, um, living a
6:26
Speaker 1: fun life isn't what hasn't necessarily been a priority. Like
6:29
Speaker 1: I want the things that are a part of my
6:31
Speaker 1: life to be fun, but I don't really pursue fun.
6:34
Speaker 1: If that makes sense. Like, for example, I chose a
6:36
Speaker 1: career path. That's very fun. But at the same time,
6:39
Speaker 1: like every day I'm doing my job, I'm not like
6:43
Speaker 1: necessarily pursuing fun. I'm just doing the job because it's
6:46
Speaker 1: like the most fun job out of all the options,
6:48
Speaker 1: if that makes sense. Whereas I kind of feel like
6:51
Speaker 1: I've gotten to a place where I am in this
6:54
Speaker 1: weird rock middle to where I'm kind of just like,
6:56
Speaker 1: fuck it. I just want to do whatever I want,
6:58
Speaker 1: whatever feels good. And I'm kind of wondering, is that
7:03
Speaker 1: going to backfire? Or have I really been like holding
7:07
Speaker 1: myself back from just living kind of just like a
7:09
Speaker 1: normal existence of just being crazy and 29 and stupid.
7:14
Speaker 1: And so I'm looking back on my younger years and going,
7:18
Speaker 1: did I make a mistake not being more dumb when
7:21
Speaker 1: I was younger? Cause now I'm, you know, approaching 30
7:24
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I feel like it's not cute to
7:25
Speaker 1: be young and dumb anymore. And I'm not saying 29
7:27
Speaker 1: and 30 is old. I'm just saying, did I miss
7:30
Speaker 1: out on years of just getting to be a kid essentially?
7:33
Speaker 1: Like have I parentified myself so much through religion that
7:38
Speaker 1: I've gotten to the age where I'm like, fuck, we'll
7:40
Speaker 1: be Parentifying myself didn't really get me anywhere. Should I
7:43
Speaker 1: just be stupid now? I don't know. So I think
7:47
Speaker 1: I'm really sitting with that and I'm looking back on
7:49
Speaker 1: choices that I've made where I didn't do the young,
7:52
Speaker 1: dumb thing because at the time I really just felt
7:55
Speaker 1: more aligned with not doing that. And I'm feeling a
7:59
Speaker 1: little bit like I lost out on experiences or years
8:04
Speaker 1: that most of my peers have, if that makes sense.
8:06
Speaker 1: And I saw somebody articulate this really beautifully from this
8:10
Speaker 1: perspective after watching the show sterling point if you've never
8:14
Speaker 1: seen it it's basically a coming of age young teen
8:17
Speaker 1: drama show and it is funny because i remember watching
8:20
Speaker 1: this and going these people like this needs to be
8:22
Speaker 1: set in college like it feels like a lot of
8:23
Speaker 1: this source material is just like way too mature for
8:26
Speaker 1: a 7 16 17 year old like i'm like i
8:29
Speaker 1: don't think 16 year olds were doing this and but
8:31
Speaker 1: then at the same time i was like maybe they
8:33
Speaker 1: were like maybe all the 16 year olds were doing
8:35
Speaker 1: drugs and drinking and partying and having crazy random hookup
8:39
Speaker 1: sex in clubs. And I wasn't aware of it because
8:42
Speaker 1: I was somewhere in a youth group basement. You know
8:44
Speaker 1: what I mean? But somebody was articulating it, that there
8:47
Speaker 1: was a sort of mourning process that this person felt
8:50
Speaker 1: after watching Sterling Point of never getting to have those
8:54
Speaker 1: young formative years where you have the crazy coming of
8:57
Speaker 1: age experiences. And I definitely had like my crazy party
9:01
Speaker 1: girl years. Like There are definitely years where I deliberately
9:05
Speaker 1: chose to fuck up because I finally relaxed a little
9:08
Speaker 1: bit because I got to college. Those are my sophomore, junior,
9:12
Speaker 1: senior years. I definitely didn't live a squeaky clean life.
9:15
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to paint it as that. But I
9:18
Speaker 1: definitely feel aligned with that person who said that they
9:22
Speaker 1: felt like they had some mourning to do after seeing just...
9:26
Speaker 1: a carefree young existence with no parameters or rules other than,
9:33
Speaker 1: you know, don't go to jail. You know what I mean?
9:36
Speaker 1: Like be young, dumb and stupid and be crazy and
9:40
Speaker 1: let that develop you as a person rather than running
9:43
Speaker 1: from it. If that makes sense. Like I feel like
9:45
Speaker 1: so much of my personal development as a kid was
9:48
Speaker 1: just avoiding doing anything wrong and trying to be as
9:51
Speaker 1: perfect as possible because I A, I'm an eldest daughter,
9:55
Speaker 1: but I was just super, super involved in the church
9:58
Speaker 1: and just felt like, well, the more perfect and good
10:01
Speaker 1: I am. And I'm not saying I am perfect or
10:03
Speaker 1: was perfect by any means, but like just the thought
10:05
Speaker 1: process of trying to be as perfect as possible. I
10:07
Speaker 1: feel like it's just gotten me to this point of like,
10:09
Speaker 1: what was it all for? And did I rob myself
10:12
Speaker 1: of just getting to be a kid? So anyway, that's
10:16
Speaker 1: where I'm at. Just for the first time, feeling like
10:19
Speaker 1: maybe growing up in a very strict religious environment wasn't
10:23
Speaker 1: the best thing for me. Like I think for years
10:25
Speaker 1: I've actually, I've always been okay with it because I'm like,
10:28
Speaker 1: you know what? I think I made a lot of
10:29
Speaker 1: really good choices and look where I got to. I
10:32
Speaker 1: got to where I'm at now. I can breathe a
10:33
Speaker 1: little bit more as an adult because I was so
10:35
Speaker 1: parentified as a kid. But now I look back and
10:37
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck, like at 16, I should have just
10:39
Speaker 1: been like, and not that it's even in my personality
10:42
Speaker 1: to just be crazy, but I'm like, I should have
10:44
Speaker 1: been crazier. Like maybe I would have been happier had
10:47
Speaker 1: I just relaxed a little bit more instead of constantly
10:50
Speaker 1: trying to be perfect and not mess up and not
10:53
Speaker 1: do something that's going to send me to hell. So
10:56
Speaker 1: that's where I'm at. Appreciate you tuning in if you
10:58
Speaker 1: made it to the end of this. I hope any
11:00
Speaker 1: of this made sense.