Latest / The Living Waters Podcast / Ep. 293 - How to Handle Conflict With Adult Children

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Ep. 293 - How to Handle Conflict With Adult Children · The Living Waters Podcast

• 1:04
  Mark Spence: Yeah, I think you have to trust the Lord's plan and His process.
• 1:08
  Mark Spence: You know we are all growing at a slower rate than somebody else whoever that else person is and we think that we know what is best for our kids.
• 1:20
  Mark Spence: Remember, if it's not a sinful act, then you need to just let it be what it is.
• 1:26
  Mark Spence: And if it is a sinful act, well, we need to be careful on how we address that.
• 1:30
  Mark Spence: Maybe not address it like they're five years old anymore.
• 1:33
  Mark Spence: Trust the process and trust the people that are around them.
• 1:36
  Mark Spence: So I think that we just need to be careful and let people be people.
• 1:42
  Mark Spence: If we homeschooled our kids, but if my children decide to put their kids into public school or private school or charter school, it is what it is.
• 1:51
  Mark Spence: It's just going to be different on how I'm going to approach them and their situation.
• 1:56
  Mark Spence: I'm going to ask more questions, perhaps when my grandchildren are inside my life, very directed questions, and if my kids are able to listen to me, willing to listen to what I have to say, as to how to lead them and correct them in that or direct them in that situation and I think they would I think that.
• 2:12
  Mark Spence: I think it's going to work out.
• 2:15
  Mark Spence: You know it's going to be fine.
• 2:16
  Mark Spence: Especially, listen if it's not sin, it's going to work out.
• 2:19
  Mark Spence: If it is sin, you know address it.
• 2:28
  Emeal Zwayne: Welcome to the Living Waters Podcast, pick one and one only game where we pick one and only one.
• 2:37
  Oscar Navarro: How many do we pick this one?
• 2:40
  Emeal Zwayne: Not this one.
• 2:41
  Emeal Zwayne: All right guys.
• 2:42
  Emeal Zwayne: Swimming in a swimming pool full of milk and cereal.
• 2:48
  Emeal Zwayne: Swimming in a swimming pool full of milk and cereal.
• 2:49
  Emeal Zwayne: Swimming in a swimming pool full of hot chocolate and giant marshmallows?
• 2:54
  Emeal Zwayne: Ray has a dilemma now.
• 2:56
  Emeal Zwayne: Swimming in a swimming pool.
• 2:58
  Emeal Zwayne: I thought I was sick Swimming in a swimming pool full of French onion soup.
• 3:04
  Emeal Zwayne: Mark Spence.
• 3:07
  Mark Spence: I love French onion soup.
• 3:08
  Mark Spence: Whenever I find a restaurant that serves French onion soup, I just gotta try it, no matter how much.
• 3:13
  Ray Comfort: I've been there.
• 3:15
  Mark Spence: You have to understand Mark.
• 3:17
  Emeal Zwayne: I'm still trying to overcome my trauma of sitting next to you in that French restaurant Onions and water.
• 3:25
  Mark Spence: It's face.
• 3:25
  Mark Spence: Like three different types of cheeses.
• 3:28
  Mark Spence: I can't even.
• 3:29
  Emeal Zwayne: I don't even know why I brought it up, because it irks me so badly.
• 3:32
  Emeal Zwayne: Why?
• 3:32
  Oscar Navarro: What's your problem with French onion?
• 3:34
  Emeal Zwayne: soup.
• 3:34
  Emeal Zwayne: I've seen you eat it at Mimi's and stuff, but this was in.
• 3:37
  Emeal Zwayne: France, it was extra gross.
• 3:40
  Ray Comfort: I don't know what it was.
• 3:41
  Emeal Zwayne: Why do you hate the French people?
• 3:42
  Emeal Zwayne: I think it had frog legs in it or something, I don't know.
• 3:44
  Emeal Zwayne: Lance teaches how to cook it.
• 3:45
  Emeal Zwayne: Oh, I love French onion soup.
• 3:48
  Emeal Zwayne: Thank you.
• 3:48
  Ray Comfort: Ray, have you had French onion soup?
• 3:50
  Ray Comfort: It sounds quite nice.
• 3:52
  Oscar Navarro: Thank you.
• 3:53
  Oscar Navarro: It's like a thick broth with onions and cheese.
• 3:56
  Oscar Navarro: It's amazing.
• 3:56
  Ray Comfort: It's good if you dip Bread, sheep wool and Sheep wool.
• 4:02
  Emeal Zwayne: That is bad recovery.
• 4:03
  Mark Spence: It's so good, all right, so let's get away from that so okay, which would you pick?
• 4:08
  Emeal Zwayne: Number one, obviously Cereal.
• 4:09
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, of course, Milk and cereal.
• 4:11
  Ray Comfort: Yeah, swimming pool.
• 4:12
  Emeal Zwayne: It's biblical Land flowing with milk and manna from heaven, would you really jump into it and swim around and eat the cereal while you swim?
• 4:21
  Emeal Zwayne: It would be an empty pool.
• 4:22
  Emeal Zwayne: I would go with.
• 4:25
  Oscar Navarro: That sounds fun, though actually I think I'd go with the hot chocolate or the chocolate, whatever it was Ray.
• 4:30
  Emeal Zwayne: think of that hot chocolate with marshmallows.
• 4:32
  Ray Comfort: giant ones you bite, yeah, but it's a little bit sickly after a while Like 10 gallons and you probably had enough 10 gallons.
• 4:39
  Emeal Zwayne: You only get sick from 10 gallons of milk.
• 4:41
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah.
• 4:42
  Ray Comfort: Chocolate milk.
• 4:42
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah right.
• 4:44
  Mark Spence: Mark, I would pick the cereal and milk.
• 4:49
  Emeal Zwayne: Probably.
• 4:49
  Mark Spence: Captain Crunch Berries oh yeah, oh, you're going to pick your own cereal too.
• 4:51
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, look at that Oscar.
• 4:52
  Oscar Navarro: Yeah, I'd go chocolate.
• 4:53
  Oscar Navarro: You'd go with the hot chocolate.
• 4:55
  Oscar Navarro: I'd go with the hot chocolate, not because I would consume a ton of it, but it just sounds like it would be a much more relaxing experience.
• 5:07
  Ray Comfort: Yeah, ray, it wouldn't be hot chocolate, it'd be too hot to swim in.
• 5:12
  Emeal Zwayne: That would be like a hot tub.
• 5:14
  Ray Comfort: That sounds amazing, wouldn't that be cool?
• 5:15
  Ray Comfort: What a great subject.
• 5:17
  Ray Comfort: Thanks for joining us today.
• 5:19
  Emeal Zwayne: All right, Speaking of chocolates, friends, and I know that's why Oscar chose a chocolate, but actually I think was it the previous episode you talked about you guys were in Switzerland.
• 5:30
  Oscar Navarro: Yeah, I have a good friend who Just one Miracles, just one.
• 5:36
  Emeal Zwayne: There are miracles.
• 5:37
  Oscar Navarro: I have a friend who married into a family.
• 5:40
  Oscar Navarro: We jokingly call them the Swiss Mafia because everywhere we go it's like they own that restaurant, they own that chocolate factory, they own that vineyard and so when we go, whenever we're in Europe, we try to step over to Switzerland to hang out with my buddy, and every time we go we get to tour a chocolate factory and they take you from like the pod.
• 6:01
  Oscar Navarro: I don't know, have you guys ever seen a chocolate pod, or the pod where the chocolate comes from.
• 6:04
  Ray Comfort: I've seen it online, yeah.
• 6:05
  Oscar Navarro: It looks like an alien thing.
• 6:07
  Oscar Navarro: They're huge.
• 6:08
  Oscar Navarro: They're huge, they're the size of a football, and you crack it open and it's gooey and white on the inside.
• 6:14
  Oscar Navarro: That's what it starts as.
• 6:16
  Oscar Navarro: So you go through the process of seeing it in its original form all the way through the roasting, the mulching, because in the gooey stuff there's seeds, right, exactly.
• 6:26
  Oscar Navarro: They get rid of the goo, they dry it out, and then they take the pod and then they crack it open and there's a seed on the inside, and then they roast the seed and then they mulch.
• 6:35
  Oscar Navarro: There's this whole process, and afterwards you get chocolate.
• 6:39
  Oscar Navarro: Who?
• 6:40
  Ray Comfort: thought of this there's got to be a statue to like Christopher Chocolate.
• 6:45
  Emeal Zwayne: Who hatched that plot?
• 6:46
  Oscar Navarro: So we got to go through the whole process and make our own chocolate, and the company is called Lotterock.
• 6:52
  Oscar Navarro: They're incredible, the Christian family and they're like the Maserati of chocolate, though you have to eat the chocolate within 45 days of production or they'll destroy it.
• 7:03
  Oscar Navarro: No preservative.
• 7:03
  Oscar Navarro: No preservative is no sugar, what it's all naturally sweetened.
• 7:08
  Oscar Navarro: So most of the chocolate we get here is all like there's sugar and a bunch of stuff added to it what?
• 7:13
  Oscar Navarro: do they use?
• 7:13
  Oscar Navarro: What kind of natural it's?
• 7:15
  Oscar Navarro: The process of making chocolate naturally creates the sugar, really, yeah.
• 7:20
  Ray Comfort: Wow Oscar.
• 7:21
  Oscar Navarro: Sir, what's that?
• 7:22
  Ray Comfort: over there.
• 7:22
  Ray Comfort: Yeah, why?
• 7:23
  Ray Comfort: This is the chocolate I made.
• 7:25
  Ray Comfort: I made this chocolate.
• 7:27
  Oscar Navarro: Oh, you actually made that there.
• 7:28
  Oscar Navarro: Yeah, do you see the smiley face I tried to put on?
• 7:31
  Emeal Zwayne: Oh, you're serious, Look at that.
• 7:33
  Ray Comfort: So, oscar, you crushed this with your feet.
• 7:35
  Emeal Zwayne: I did, yeah, I did yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, and with the grapes.
• 7:38
  Mark Spence: So why is it sitting there?
• 7:40
  Emeal Zwayne: Oh.
• 7:41
  Oscar Navarro: I just wanted to show you guys I'm driving nuts.
• 7:43
  Oscar Navarro: I'm sitting here like.
• 7:45
  Emeal Zwayne: Okay now, when you showed me the videos and pictures from that place, it's not wild it seriously looked like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
• 7:52
  Emeal Zwayne: I mean, there was this fountain right Of like rivers.
• 7:55
  Oscar Navarro: And it's all.
• 7:55
  Oscar Navarro: You can eat chocolate while you're there.
• 7:58
  Emeal Zwayne: Look at Ray.
• 7:58
  Emeal Zwayne: Get on with it, Oscar.
• 8:00
  Emeal Zwayne: Let me try to break it first.
• 8:02
  Emeal Zwayne: The swimming pool with milk has just gotten Ray all stirred up today.
• 8:05
  Oscar Navarro: That's why I chose it.
• 8:06
  Oscar Navarro: It's because the pool was amazing, oh yeah.
• 8:10
  Ray Comfort: That noise is making podcast listeners celebrate.
• 8:12
  Ray Comfort: Mark, did you eat chocolate?
• 8:12
  Mark Spence: when you were in?
• 8:13
  Mark Spence: Yeah, in fact, I brought back a whole bunch of chocolate and my dog ate most of it Are I had a bunch of chocolate and my dog ate most of it.
• 8:19
  Emeal Zwayne: Are you serious?
• 8:19
  Emeal Zwayne: I was so upset I heard dogs can die from chocolate.
• 8:21
  Mark Spence: Yeah, I was hoping at that point.
• 8:23
  Ray Comfort: All right, here goes Fran.
• 8:27
  Ray Comfort: No chocolate for him.
• 8:30
  Emeal Zwayne: No chocolate for him, ben hurt.
• 8:34
  Emeal Zwayne: Oh, oscar, isn't that good.
• 8:37
  Emeal Zwayne: Wait, that's funny, there's cereal in it.
• 8:39
  Oscar Navarro: Yeah, I chose to put cereal in it.
• 8:40
  Oscar Navarro: No way Did you get some of the cereal.
• 8:43
  Ray Comfort: I have to get another.
• 8:44
  Oscar Navarro: And then there's nuts too.
• 8:45
  Oscar Navarro: The nuts are caramelized Really good.
• 8:47
  Oscar Navarro: Oh man, this is next level.
• 8:49
  Oscar Navarro: Wow, Are they online?
• 8:51
  Oscar Navarro: They actually just opened a brick and mortar in San Diego.
• 8:56
  Emeal Zwayne: I'm going on vacation with my family next week.
• 8:58
  Oscar Navarro: Are you?
• 8:59
  Oscar Navarro: You should go to the Lotterock.
• 9:00
  Oscar Navarro: I'm going to find where it's at.
• 9:03
  Ray Comfort: I'm sure our listeners are absolutely enjoying that sound Ray what do you think you can handle the podcast?
• 9:10
  Ray Comfort: I'll just talk.
• 9:12
  Emeal Zwayne: You know what I like about it.
• 9:13
  Emeal Zwayne: The sweetness is not overwhelming.
• 9:16
  Emeal Zwayne: You know what I mean.
• 9:19
  Oscar Navarro: Yeah, oh, there's a Lotter rockin' Cerritos guys, no way.
• 9:24
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, Mark.
• 9:25
  Emeal Zwayne: Why'd you give it to Oscar?
• 9:26
  Emeal Zwayne: That's for me.
• 9:26
  Emeal Zwayne: I'm not.
• 9:28
  Ray Comfort: All right, another little bit.
• 9:33
  Emeal Zwayne: So, mark, when you were there, did you have some chocolate?
• 9:35
  Emeal Zwayne: Hmm, had a lot of chocolate.
• 9:37
  Emeal Zwayne: Ray, remember our trip to Europe?
• 9:43
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, I remember that and our chocolate in.
• 9:45
  Ray Comfort: Switzerland.
• 9:46
  Ray Comfort: Everybody we met would have chocolate for us because they knew we were chocolate fans.
• 9:51
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, that's what kept us fueled, actually, because we were starting to hit the wall.
• 9:55
  Ray Comfort: Health food- that noise is smart-breaking chocolate.
• 9:58
  Emeal Zwayne: I haven't even had lunch yet.
• 10:00
  Oscar Navarro: man, Isn't it funny my, our, my kids were like zombies from the travel.
• 10:03
  Oscar Navarro: And then we went to the chocolate factory and they were like they were good to go.
• 10:08
  Oscar Navarro: They came alive.
• 10:09
  Emeal Zwayne: It reset them uh, well, there you have it, franz.
• 10:12
  Emeal Zwayne: Thanks for enduring the insanity.
• 10:14
  Emeal Zwayne: Okay, give me some more oscar like it's so good.
• 10:18
  Emeal Zwayne: What do you think, mark?
• 10:19
  Emeal Zwayne: How do you rate it?
• 10:20
  Emeal Zwayne: It's a 10.
• 10:21
  Emeal Zwayne: Oh, my goodness, this is so good.
• 10:24
  Emeal Zwayne: And what are those nuts, oscar?
• 10:26
  Oscar Navarro: they're caramelized something.
• 10:32
  Emeal Zwayne: This is definitely the worst episode ever caramelized cat toenails yeah, yeah, hmm, you make a mean chocolate, oscar.
• 10:39
  Emeal Zwayne: Thank you.
• 10:40
  Ray Comfort: All right friends.
• 10:42
  Emeal Zwayne: Sorry, friends, all right, I can't talk we should have rethought this.
• 10:51
  Emeal Zwayne: I feel like I'm in a swimming pool of chocolate right now.
• 10:53
  Emeal Zwayne: All right, friends, time for a cool, classy comment.
• 10:57
  Emeal Zwayne: This is from Jacob Brothers.
• 11:00
  Emeal Zwayne: Greetings from San Antonio.
• 11:02
  Emeal Zwayne: My name is Jacob and I wanted to thank you for your faithfulness in ministry and your love for God's people around the world.
• 11:08
  Emeal Zwayne: The Lord used Living Waters and a sermon by Votie Bauckham to save me.
• 11:13
  Emeal Zwayne: After being raised in church and even leading Bible studies at my workplace, I've shared the podcast with friends and family and it is the number one podcast I listen to.
• 11:23
  Emeal Zwayne: Lastly, I have been telling that Lot and his wife and flea joke nonstop.
• 11:29
  Emeal Zwayne: Now, when I heard Ray say it, I about crashed my car because of how hard I was laughing.
• 11:35
  Emeal Zwayne: May the Lord bless you all.
• 11:37
  Emeal Zwayne: You remember that joke, ray?
• 11:39
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, remind me.
• 11:41
  Emeal Zwayne: The Lord told Lot to take his wife and flee to Sodom.
• 11:48
  Emeal Zwayne: And the kid what was it?
• 11:52
  Emeal Zwayne: And the dad was reading the Bible to his son and then he said okay, his wife turned into a pillar of salt.
• 11:56
  Emeal Zwayne: What happened to the flea?
• 11:57
  Emeal Zwayne: Well, jacob, thank you, brother.
• 12:00
  Emeal Zwayne: All right, friends, today we are talking about how to handle conflict with adult children, and don't you guys love those of you that are watching how, so magically and quickly Oscar changed his apparel, or did he Never mind?
• 12:17
  Emeal Zwayne: All right guys.
• 12:18
  Emeal Zwayne: Adult children Rumspringer speaking of adult children.
• 12:23
  Oscar Navarro: You guys heard of Rumspringer.
• 12:24
  Oscar Navarro: I have no idea what that is.
• 12:25
  Oscar Navarro: You just made that word up.
• 12:26
  Emeal Zwayne: The Amish people do.
• 12:27
  Emeal Zwayne: We were talking about it a minute ago.
• 12:28
  Emeal Zwayne: The Amish people, they have this thing where the Amish kids.
• 12:34
  Emeal Zwayne: I don't know if, when they turn 18 or something, they actually go out and intentionally indulge in carnality.
• 12:41
  Ray Comfort: It's like a rite of passage.
• 12:42
  Ray Comfort: It's called sowing oats wild oats.
• 12:44
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, they go out and they have sex and they do drink and they party.
• 12:48
  Emeal Zwayne: You've seriously never seen it no, never, what's wrong with you?
• 12:52
  Ray Comfort: I don't know, I don't know very many other people, so it shows the depth of their so-called Christianity, doesn't it?
• 12:56
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, there's a reality show on it.
• 12:59
  Emeal Zwayne: What's the point?
• 13:00
  Emeal Zwayne: The premise is, I guess go out and see if you really want to follow God or not, after you indulge.
• 13:07
  Mark Spence: I just looked it up.
• 13:07
  Mark Spence: It says during this time, typically starting around the age of 16, young people are given more freedom to experience the outside world and make their own decisions regarding their faith and lifestyle.
• 13:16
  Mark Spence: This period can last a few years and allows them to explore life outside the strict Amish or Mennonite way of living.
• 13:23
  Emeal Zwayne: But it's like sanctioned.
• 13:25
  Emeal Zwayne: I mean it's like, hey, go do it.
• 13:26
  Emeal Zwayne: It's not like, oh, they went out and rebelled.
• 13:27
  Emeal Zwayne: It's like, oh, it's my rebellion time Now three years, why not four years?
• 13:30
  Mark Spence: See you later 40 years.
• 13:31
  Mark Spence: So here's your heroine kids.
• 13:32
  Emeal Zwayne: Seriously, you know, when you think about the folly of tradition, sometimes because this is a tradition, it's just what they do no one's willing to step out of it and say, like what are we doing here?
• 13:47
  Emeal Zwayne: You know, it's just, this is what we do.
• 13:49
  Emeal Zwayne: So there was a television program.
• 13:50
  Emeal Zwayne: The world would love that.
• 13:51
  Emeal Zwayne: Oh yeah, yeah, they go out, and I mean they're partying, they're smoking weed, they're yeah.
• 13:56
  Emeal Zwayne: Sounds like they're, yeah, sounds like mark this weekend.
• 14:09
  Emeal Zwayne: Wow, yeah, the rumor mill former mark.
• 14:10
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, bc mark um.
• 14:11
  Emeal Zwayne: So guys adult children.
• 14:11
  Oscar Navarro: Um oscar's, the only one that doesn't have them.
• 14:12
  Oscar Navarro: Yeah, well, I I reached out and they're like we haven't heard from you in 20 years.
• 14:16
  Oscar Navarro: And now, all of a sudden, you want to talk.
• 14:17
  Oscar Navarro: What's?
• 14:19
  Emeal Zwayne: up dad?
• 14:20
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, this is a very important topic because, you know, we've talked before about having children, raising children.
• 14:29
  Emeal Zwayne: We've touched on parenting uh, not just in a focused episode, but we've we've touched on it at different points and other episodes.
• 14:37
  Emeal Zwayne: But this is a unique thing, because what are you guys, classic ray comfort great 40 years and you still haven't figured out how to do your podcast look, do you want to hear this or not?
• 14:51
  Emeal Zwayne: Well, I thought you got something I did, but I think it's up the wrong way.
• 14:54
  Ray Comfort: Oh, there we are.
• 14:55
  Ray Comfort: That's probably it probably unreal here we go, we're sweet, all right.
• 15:00
  Ray Comfort: So it's conflict con with flicked With flicking.
• 15:06
  Emeal Zwayne: Yes, so, yeah.
• 15:09
  Emeal Zwayne: So the uniqueness of getting to a point in life where these children that you've poured your life into, that you've been accustomed to guiding and directing and leading and instructing and disciplining they're adults now.
• 15:20
  Emeal Zwayne: And now you know you don't lose that unique role of being their parent.
• 15:27
  Emeal Zwayne: But I put it this way once it's like they're your kids but they're no longer kids.
• 15:36
  Emeal Zwayne: And how now do you interact with them?
• 15:40
  Emeal Zwayne: How do you allow there to be such an atmosphere in your relationship, such a tone and tenor where they welcome you in, they want your input, they want your counsel, they want your advice?
• 15:52
  Emeal Zwayne: You could still be an influence without appearing to be someone who's trying to control their life.
• 15:57
  Ray Comfort: Yeah, you push them out of the nest and watch them either fly or fall.
• 16:00
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah.
• 16:01
  Ray Comfort: Rump stringer or whatever.
• 16:03
  Emeal Zwayne: Some form of it.
• 16:04
  Mark Spence: Well, hopefully you've established a relationship with them that when you shot them out, they tend to kind of come back a little bit right and ask questions.
• 16:12
  Mark Spence: I had told my son, noah and I think I shared this before I said listen, noah, I'm not here to rule over you anymore, like you are two years old, but I want to be here to lead you and to help you.
• 16:25
  Mark Spence: And he comes by the house almost daily and I absolutely love it.
• 16:30
  Mark Spence: I wasn't expecting it and I said Christmas time, you're not expected to come, or any other holiday, you're not expected to come, but you're welcome to come.
• 16:39
  Mark Spence: And if you do come, we want to make it worth your while.
• 16:41
  Mark Spence: There'll be good food.
• 16:41
  Mark Spence: If you bring kids, the kids there'll be presents.
• 16:44
  Mark Spence: You know, if it's Christmas time, what time do you guys want me there?
• 16:48
  Oscar Navarro: Bring.
• 16:48
  Emeal Zwayne: Oscars, the kid.
• 16:51
  Mark Spence: I want to have the open communication right.
• 16:54
  Mark Spence: You're always welcome here and I have plenty of things to say and to speak into your life still, but I'm going to be somewhat hesitant because they're your kids, they're not my kids, and if you'd like me to speak into their life or your life, listen, I have a lot to say.
• 17:08
  Mark Spence: Experience has taught me a lot in scripture.
• 17:10
  Mark Spence: It's taught me even more.
• 17:11
  Emeal Zwayne: Mark, what prompted you to say that to Noah?
• 17:15
  Emeal Zwayne: I mean, was it on a whim or did you think about it?
• 17:17
  Mark Spence: No, I heard another preacher say that and I went wow, I really like it.
• 17:22
  Mark Spence: And then I just changed it up a little bit, but I liked that idea, he Markified it.
• 17:28
  Emeal Zwayne: Yes, I love that because there's something, I think, in the human heart that draws closer when you give space and that pulls away when you try to crowd, and it's just the whole get away from here from me.
• 17:47
  Emeal Zwayne: There's something about expectations and putting expectations on people, and then it becomes weird, right, because I mean, imagine and this happens a lot, especially in Arab culture like guilt trips are.
• 18:02
  Emeal Zwayne: They're like greetings, you know, it's like it's kind of like it's not like hey, how you doing.
• 18:07
  Emeal Zwayne: It's like why haven't you called?
• 18:08
  Emeal Zwayne: Right, where have you been?
• 18:09
  Emeal Zwayne: Oh yeah, oh yeah, you sure love your mother.
• 18:12
  Emeal Zwayne: You know, like guilt trips and sarcasm, and then you just don't know, like are they coming because they want to or is it now?
• 18:22
  Emeal Zwayne: And it becomes this like weird complicated thing, you know.
• 18:25
  Emeal Zwayne: So I love that, mark, that's wise and you know, that's why we didn't go to Ray and Sue's house.
• 18:33
  Emeal Zwayne: We're not going to your house, okay, yeah, so, oscar, you're headed in that direction and I'd love to hear your thoughts in terms of, maybe, what you've gleaned from some who have had adult children and what you've thought on your own Well, so yeah, my oldest is 15.
• 18:51
  Oscar Navarro: She's just started her sophomore year of high school.
• 18:53
  Oscar Navarro: I think I'm looking at it maybe from a different perspective because I don't have adult children yet, but there is a number of guys in my life that are in their early to late twenties and often, you know, when we sit down every now and then, we'll get into a conversation that they had with their parents.
• 19:11
  Oscar Navarro: And one of the things that I hear is, for those parents who are trying to counsel and provide wisdom, you know, you hear this hesitation like man, like I feel, like they just need to let me be an adult, et cetera, et cetera.
• 19:23
  Oscar Navarro: And one of the things that I often tell them is dude, like I wish I had Christian parents.
• 19:29
  Oscar Navarro: I wish I, you know, I do have.
• 19:31
  Oscar Navarro: I mean, my mom claims to be a believer now, but my relationship with her is very different because of the way I grew up.
• 19:38
  Oscar Navarro: She's kind of more like an older sister.
• 19:39
  Oscar Navarro: You know, she just never was a mom to me.
• 19:41
  Oscar Navarro: For those who are new to the podcast, my mom was struggled with drug addiction my whole life and so I just I had a different kind of relationship with them.
• 19:50
  Oscar Navarro: But I mean, you know the idea that you have parents in your 20s that are reaching out, that are asking how you're doing, that wanna make sure you have a place to go to for a meal Like to me you don't realize the blessing of what you have.
• 20:08
  Oscar Navarro: You know, the first time that I met my biological father, I was 35 years old and probably about a week after I met him, he called me and I answered the phone and I'm like, why is he calling me, you know?
• 20:21
  Oscar Navarro: And I get on the phone and he's like, hey, I'm just calling to say hi, How's your day.
• 20:26
  Oscar Navarro: And I was like, what You're calling to say hi?
• 20:29
  Oscar Navarro: Like it was so foreign to me that a parent would call just to check in, just to say hi, just because they wanted to be a part of your life.
• 20:38
  Oscar Navarro: And so for the young adult who's trying to figure out his aspect, his or her aspect, with their parents, count your blessings.
• 20:47
  Oscar Navarro: It is a gift that you have Christian parents that love you, that are praying for you, that are advocating for you, that are checking in on you.
• 20:57
  Oscar Navarro: That is a gift from the Lord Wow.
• 20:59
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, and Ray, how.
• 21:01
  Emeal Zwayne: I mean, how do we do that, Like how do we get?
• 21:05
  Ray Comfort: our kids.
• 21:05
  Ray Comfort: I'm thinking what are you going to ask me?
• 21:07
  Ray Comfort: Because my children have got children.
• 21:10
  Emeal Zwayne: Ray forgot what it's like to be a father.
• 21:13
  Oscar Navarro: I don't handle conflict with your adult grandchildren, that's right.
• 21:17
  Ray Comfort: And great-grandchildren.
• 21:19
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, with your senior citizen children.
• 21:22
  Ray Comfort: So what do you got for me so?
• 21:23
  Emeal Zwayne: no, my question to you is you know, how do we get there to a point where our kids desire to have our influence in their lives?
• 21:33
  Ray Comfort: Don't you think it starts early on like how you raise them is a big yeah, this is going to sound very strange coming from me, but you teach your children the fear of the lord and when they fear god.
• 21:43
  Ray Comfort: They put him first and they honor their father and mother, which is the only commandment, with a threat, a threat, promise, threat.
• 21:49
  Ray Comfort: No, it's a threat.
• 21:50
  Ray Comfort: It's ephesians 6, uh, verse 1 honor your father and mother that all may be well with you and your days may be long upon the earth.
• 21:58
  Ray Comfort: And saying all will not be well with you if you don't honor your parents and your days will not be long upon the earth.
• 22:03
  Ray Comfort: So I say that I see that as a not only a suggestion, but a threat.
• 22:07
  Ray Comfort: This is what's going to happen.
• 22:08
  Ray Comfort: I meet so many young people that that have an absolute mess, depression and suicidal thoughts.
• 22:14
  Ray Comfort: You love your mom and dad, hate them.
• 22:16
  Ray Comfort: Well, there you are.
• 22:17
  Emeal Zwayne: That's what's happening well you know um my dad, as you guys know, lived to 113.
• 22:24
  Emeal Zwayne: I can't count how many you know you better say 113 113 yeah, let it sink in.
• 22:30
  Ray Comfort: Yeah, 113 is like.
• 22:31
  Ray Comfort: Oh, whatever, I lived until it's 13 minutes past one.
• 22:34
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, but and and keeping with what you, keeping with what you just said, right, I've had so many people say to me boy, he must have really honored his parents.
• 22:43
  Emeal Zwayne: You know it's like, but it's so true that Scripture singles that out and says, hey, it's a commandment with promise or a threat.
• 22:55
  Emeal Zwayne: The Amplified Bible would probably say that, yeah, it would, but that God delights in that.
• 23:01
  Emeal Zwayne: Yes, god delights in children honoring their parents.
• 23:05
  Emeal Zwayne: Now, for us, as parents, our aim in getting them to honor us is not because we crave honor, but it's because we know that that's God's best for them.
• 23:13
  Emeal Zwayne: I crave honor, but you know what I'm saying.
• 23:15
  Emeal Zwayne: It's, it's, it's, it's all a part of it.
• 23:19
  Emeal Zwayne: Um Speaking, of that.
• 23:22
  Ray Comfort: Quite often people say to me what do you mean?
• 23:24
  Ray Comfort: Honor my mom.
• 23:24
  Ray Comfort: My mom was a prostitute.
• 23:25
  Ray Comfort: You're telling me to honor her.
• 23:27
  Ray Comfort: It's a good question, and it is a good question.
• 23:29
  Ray Comfort: But I tell my kids don't honor me, because I deserve honor.
• 23:32
  Ray Comfort: I'm a wretched sinner.
• 23:33
  Ray Comfort: Honor me because God says to.
• 23:35
  Oscar Navarro: Yeah, honor the office of parenting.
• 23:37
  Ray Comfort: Yeah.
• 23:37
  Oscar Navarro: Right, the office of parenting.
• 23:39
  Oscar Navarro: So in that situation that's how I look at it right, I have to honor the office of a parent.
• 23:48
  Oscar Navarro: When your parent is falling short of the glory of God, when you have a parent that's not a believer, that is causing so much conflict in your life, how do I honor that person?
• 23:54
  Oscar Navarro: Honor the office of parenting, because when you honor the office of a parent, when you honor the office of a father, what you're actually doing is honoring the fatherliness of your father in heaven.
• 24:06
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah and Mark, this is again becoming like less and less common, like kids seeing their parents as a huge and valuable asset in their lives, like Oscar was talking about.
• 24:21
  Emeal Zwayne: You know, it's when we become adults and have our own kids that we really start realizing it.
• 24:25
  Emeal Zwayne: Do you have any thoughts on, like, how do we, how do we get our kids to value honoring parents, like at an early age?
• 24:33
  Mark Spence: Well, I don't know.
• 24:33
  Mark Spence: Nothing comes to my head with that.
• 24:35
  Mark Spence: I'm still thinking back on the scripture that we just read with Ephesians 6, you know it doesn't say to honor your mom and dad unless your mom is a prostitute and your dad's in prison.
• 24:43
  Mark Spence: It's just an emphatic statement.
• 24:46
  Mark Spence: We just do it Unless they're calling us to sin.
• 24:48
  Mark Spence: Yeah Right, we want you to go and steal these sort of things.
• 24:55
  Mark Spence: I look back on my kids and the raising of my kids and, by God's grace, all five of my kids are walking with the Lord.
• 24:58
  Mark Spence: I think it would do us well to listen to our kids, to make sure that they feel like they're being heard and as they speak, we can now regurgitate.
• 25:10
  Mark Spence: If you would talk back to them, say, hey, this is what I'm hearing you say, but here's the takeaway.
• 25:17
  Mark Spence: This is what Scripture has to say.
• 25:19
  Mark Spence: I think that there's a value in attaching a validity to their struggles, what they're going through and everything in between, to nip it right away if they begin to disrespect and dishonor, right.
• 25:34
  Mark Spence: So I think maybe just start with that.
• 25:38
  Mark Spence: Nothing else really comes to my head Easy.
• 25:40
  Ray Comfort: Why don't you address that for a minute?
• 25:41
  Ray Comfort: Rebellion and a two-year-old what would you do with that?
• 25:45
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah.
• 25:45
  Emeal Zwayne: Well, I do think that what you do in terms of investing in your kids and sewing into them early on can have an effect, but that comes with a big caveat, right.
• 25:57
  Emeal Zwayne: But that comes with a big caveat right Because, as we've mentioned before, the last thing we want is for parents who are listening now, who have adult children who have rebelled, to think that it's necessarily all their fault or responsibility.
• 26:11
  Emeal Zwayne: Of course we can look and say, hey, yeah, you could look back and say, maybe there are things you did, you could have done differently.
• 26:16
  Emeal Zwayne: But there are parents who have poured their hearts into their kids.
• 26:20
  Emeal Zwayne: And again, we've talked about the proverb that's a truism, not a promise.
• 26:26
  Emeal Zwayne: Bring up a child in the way he shall go, and when he's old he won't depart from it.
• 26:28
  Emeal Zwayne: People think, oh well, I must have not done that then.
• 26:29
  Emeal Zwayne: But that's a truism.
• 26:30
  Emeal Zwayne: That's typical of how things can go.
• 26:33
  Emeal Zwayne: But it's not a promise.
• 26:34
  Emeal Zwayne: But there's that condemnation of oh man, I must have man.
• 26:43
  Emeal Zwayne: That's not the case.
• 26:43
  Emeal Zwayne: There is what I've mentioned before.
• 26:44
  Emeal Zwayne: Ted Tripp talks about shaping influences.
• 26:45
  Emeal Zwayne: And then there's Godward orientation.
• 26:46
  Emeal Zwayne: Where, at the end of the day, where's their heart at, and have they repented and surrendered to the Lord?
• 26:51
  Emeal Zwayne: But, having said all that, I believe we can have impact and influence.
• 26:55
  Emeal Zwayne: And it begins early on, and sometimes parents do.
• 26:58
  Emeal Zwayne: It begins early on, and sometimes parents do see kids who are rebellious and they're shocked and surprised.
• 27:04
  Emeal Zwayne: And yet they, at the same time, didn't do what Ephesians 6 mentions.
• 27:08
  Emeal Zwayne: And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
• 27:15
  Emeal Zwayne: And what is the training and admonition of the Lord for children?
• 27:18
  Emeal Zwayne: It's to honor their father and mother, and it's the parents' responsibility to train them up in that.
• 27:23
  Emeal Zwayne: And so we have to remember that.
• 27:25
  Emeal Zwayne: So a two-year-old who's rebelling needs to be corrected and disciplined, and here's the key in that.
• 27:33
  Emeal Zwayne: This is what oftentimes I think is a problem in raising children.
• 27:36
  Emeal Zwayne: It's that parents are doing it without focus.
• 27:40
  Emeal Zwayne: They're flying by the seat of their pants.
• 27:42
  Emeal Zwayne: So the child does something.
• 27:43
  Emeal Zwayne: They rebel, no, they say something rude to their parent, even at a very young age, like two, and the parent is like, oh, don't do that, Don't do that.
• 27:52
  Emeal Zwayne: And they're looking here, there, they're doing things.
• 27:53
  Emeal Zwayne: When a child rebels, everything stops.
• 27:58
  Emeal Zwayne: I mean, it's like pause everything.
• 28:02
  Ray Comfort: Whatever you do, you stop.
• 28:03
  Emeal Zwayne: He's got a stick of dynamite in his hand.
• 28:04
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, you, you, you crouch to their level, you give them full focus and you and you lead and guide them through that with with tenderness, love and and courageous boldness.
• 28:17
  Emeal Zwayne: You know you don't yell and scream, but but that child needs to.
• 28:21
  Emeal Zwayne: That doesn't happen, because if you're just running around and your kids are doing stuff, they're getting, they're getting trained by you, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and often unintentionally, that this isn't a big deal.
• 28:32
  Emeal Zwayne: So of course it'll keep doing it.
• 28:35
  Emeal Zwayne: And not only will they keep doing it, it'll become habit, it'll become rooted and grounded, you know, in their character.
• 28:40
  Emeal Zwayne: And so, yeah, being, you know, being quick to engage them in those things and to discipline them, but to combine that with explanation and tenderness and prayer and all that, you know there's a lot of fruit.
• 28:55
  Emeal Zwayne: So, but then you know, we get to that place where and I know that those listening now are thinking through that okay, my kids are adults, but they're starting to do things that I don't really like.
• 29:06
  Emeal Zwayne: We're not talking about sin, but things that that not necessarily my preference, such as, such as you know they are now maybe.
• 29:18
  Oscar Navarro: Drinking black coffee.
• 29:20
  Emeal Zwayne: Ah, that is unacceptable.
• 29:21
  Emeal Zwayne: That black coffee, that is unacceptable.
• 29:23
  Oscar Navarro: That's where easy draws the line.
• 29:25
  Emeal Zwayne: I am fully involved in that.
• 29:27
  Mark Spence: Like just the way they're raising their kids or their convictions.
• 29:30
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, the way they're dressing the music they're listening to, the shows they're watching or the movies they're watching.
• 29:38
  Oscar Navarro: The face tattoos, again.
• 29:39
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, so not sinful actions we're not talking about.
• 29:43
  Emeal Zwayne: We're not talking about sinful things, but things that are that are different than than maybe what we preferred or how we raise them.
• 29:49
  Emeal Zwayne: That's the big rub how we raise them and we.
• 29:51
  Emeal Zwayne: Why did we raise them that way?
• 29:53
  Emeal Zwayne: Because we were convinced this was best and healthy, right, and those are our convictions, and obviously they're raising our home.
• 29:58
  Emeal Zwayne: So, mark, what do you do with that?
• 30:01
  Emeal Zwayne: How do you grapple with?
• 30:02
  Emeal Zwayne: Obviously we've all seen it with our adult kids.
• 30:05
  Mark Spence: Yeah, I think you have to trust the Lord's plan and his process.
• 30:09
  Mark Spence: We are all growing at a slower rate than somebody else whoever that else person is and we think that we know what is best for our kids.
• 30:21
  Mark Spence: Remember, if it's not a sinful act, then you need to just let it be what it is.
• 30:27
  Mark Spence: And if it is a sinful act, well, we need to be careful on how we address that.
• 30:31
  Mark Spence: Maybe not address it in like they're five years old anymore.
• 30:33
  Mark Spence: Trust the process and trust the people that are around them.
• 30:37
  Mark Spence: So I think that we just need to be careful and let people be people.
• 30:42
  Mark Spence: If we homeschooled our kids, but if my children decide to put their kids into public school or private school or charter school, it is what it is.
• 30:51
  Mark Spence: It's just going to be different on how I'm going to approach them and their situation.
• 30:57
  Mark Spence: I'm going to ask more questions, perhaps when my grandchildren are inside my life, very directed questions, and if my kids are able to listen to me, willing to listen to what I have to say, as to how to lead them and correct them in that or direct them in that situation and I think they would I think that.
• 31:12
  Mark Spence: I think it's going to work out.
• 31:15
  Ray Comfort: Yeah.
• 31:15
  Oscar Navarro: You know it's going to be fine.
• 31:17
  Mark Spence: Especially, listen.
• 31:18
  Mark Spence: If it's not sin, it's going to work out.
• 31:20
  Mark Spence: If it is sin, you know address it.
• 31:22
  Oscar Navarro: It's also a reminder.
• 31:23
  Oscar Navarro: I think I'm starting to get a glimpse of this with two teenagers.
• 31:27
  Oscar Navarro: It's a reminder that ultimately, these kids are not yours.
• 31:31
  Oscar Navarro: Right, the Lord has entrusted you with them, but the Lord is at work, sanctifying them, and I think so often, as parents, we can turn our kids into trophies for our own sanctification.
• 31:44
  Oscar Navarro: They need to be the example of my righteousness, of my walk with the Lord, and therefore they need to look this particular way.
• 31:51
  Oscar Navarro: But ultimately, they're not being sanctified in the image of Oscar.
• 31:55
  Oscar Navarro: They're being sanctified in the image of Christ, and he is shaping them and creating them and molding them into a person that doesn't look like me, that doesn't maybe dress like me, listen to the music that I listen to or into the same things, just have a different impression of the world.
• 32:12
  Oscar Navarro: Yet walking with the Lord, and that is something rather than to be afraid of, to be uncertain of, that's something to embrace.
• 32:19
  Oscar Navarro: Oh, this is your child, god, and you've saved them and you're sanctifying them and you're shaping them into something totally different, and that is good and beautiful.
• 32:32
  Emeal Zwayne: Man, it's so much easier to do that with people that aren't your kids, like you know what I mean.
• 32:39
  Emeal Zwayne: Like, oh, cool, okay, that's our convention, it's my child, you know, and.
• 32:44
  Emeal Zwayne: But what you're saying is so true, oscar, like we have to remember yeah, they are really God's child and we're just all different.
• 32:53
  Emeal Zwayne: But, ray, you know, one of the things that stuck out to me immediately when I first met Rachel, when you were there present, was her relationship with you and her respect towards you, but also the play had when I saw you guys talking.
• 33:17
  Emeal Zwayne: But it, it stood out to me and what are some of the things you did early on with the kids to where they felt you're approachable as a dad?
• 33:28
  Ray Comfort: I let them be adults.
• 33:29
  Ray Comfort: Um, I know, when I was a kid, especially in my early teens, I hated it being in school being told what to do.
• 33:35
  Ray Comfort: I wanted to be an adult where people didn't tell me what to do, and when I became an adult, I really appreciated my own parents letting me do my own thing.
• 33:44
  Ray Comfort: At the age of 20, I wanted to buy a house and they were very nervous and I said let us do this, we want our own house.
• 33:52
  Ray Comfort: And they let us do it, and so it was $200.
• 33:54
  Mark Spence: Yeah.
• 33:54
  Emeal Zwayne: Well, it was $5,300.
• 33:56
  Emeal Zwayne: Not far off, martin actually it was $5,300.
• 34:01
  Ray Comfort: Wow, we wanted to buy a house for $9,000 on a hill overlooking the beach and we couldn't afford it $9,000,.
• 34:08
  Ray Comfort: I look back now, but the wages were totally different back then.
• 34:11
  Ray Comfort: It was $5,300.
• 34:12
  Ray Comfort: Sue had money in the bank, so we used that.
• 34:17
  Emeal Zwayne: Where was your?
• 34:17
  Ray Comfort: money.
• 34:17
  Ray Comfort: Yeah, my money was invested in leather jackets.
• 34:20
  Ray Comfort: I'm not kidding.
• 34:21
  Ray Comfort: All the, all the savings I had I put into making leather jackets for people and it was tied up.
• 34:25
  Ray Comfort: But we got the house and we don't regret it.
• 34:32
  Ray Comfort: So I I stand back and look objectively at my kids I did and say they are, they are adults.
• 34:34
  Ray Comfort: They're like what I wanted to be totally independent, standing on my own two feet, and we let them and uh, it's, it's a blessing to be totally independent standing on my own two feet and we let them, and it's a blessing to be able to do that.
• 34:43
  Oscar Navarro: Ray, there must have been nothing more trying for you when your daughter brought home a Lebanese man.
• 34:46
  Oscar Navarro: What was it like?
• 34:48
  Ray Comfort: Well, it was like when I said, look, sometimes my dog will bring things inside, and I just said, well, this is the way it is.
• 34:57
  Emeal Zwayne: This is the way it is.
• 34:58
  Emeal Zwayne: This is the way it is.
• 34:59
  Emeal Zwayne: Look what the doc dragged in.
• 35:01
  Mark Spence: Was there ever a moment where you wanted to move back to Lebanon?
• 35:05
  Emeal Zwayne: Bring back that memory.
• 35:07
  Ray Comfort: We've talked about that.
• 35:07
  Ray Comfort: What was the movie that was out?
• 35:08
  Emeal Zwayne: Not Without my Daughter.
• 35:09
  Emeal Zwayne: That was the name of the movie yeah, where some woman married a crazy Arab and they went to the Middle East and then he wouldn't let her leave.
• 35:16
  Emeal Zwayne: I mean, they abused her.
• 35:18
  Ray Comfort: But that was seriously a wrestle for me.
• 35:20
  Ray Comfort: Am I prepared to just let her go and let her be an adult overseas with a loving husband?
• 35:29
  Oscar Navarro: And I thought no, so I gave him a job.
• 35:31
  Emeal Zwayne: That was something and I was really serious.
• 35:34
  Emeal Zwayne: I thought it's what the Lord had.
• 35:35
  Emeal Zwayne: And, yeah, I talked to her too and you know it was hard for Rachel, but that's what blew my mind is her willingness to follow me, and then God shot it down.
• 35:43
  Emeal Zwayne: Let me share a quote so that we didn't get literally shot down.
• 35:47
  Mark Spence: That's right.
• 35:48
  Mark Spence: Nowadays you would, though.
• 35:49
  Mark Spence: Oh yes, the turmoil there, paul Tripp.
• 35:51
  Mark Spence: He said the goal of parenting is always to work yourself out of a job.
• 36:01
  Mark Spence: The goal of parenting is to send young adults out into the world who are prepared to live as God's children in a salt and light in a corrupt and broken world.
• 36:06
  Mark Spence: Wow, I like that.
• 36:07
  Mark Spence: The goal of parenting is to work yourself out of a job.
• 36:09
  Mark Spence: And now they take over the job.
• 36:11
  Mark Spence: The goal is to pass off the baton to them and then to not necessarily enjoy it from the sides, as they do all the work, but to uh.
• 36:20
  Mark Spence: It just plays a different role.
• 36:21
  Mark Spence: There's a new chapter as a parent when your kids begin to get older.
• 36:25
  Ray Comfort: I was going to say that we just had the Olympics, and I can't stand the passing off the baton to the guy in front of always frustrating anxiety.
• 36:33
  Ray Comfort: You know, exactly what's involved.
• 36:35
  Ray Comfort: They drop that thing.
• 36:36
  Ray Comfort: That's years and years of sweat and pain and suffering and training, and I'd be freaking out Butterfingers.
• 36:43
  Emeal Zwayne: You would drop it.
• 36:43
  Emeal Zwayne: You would drop it, well, I would throw it to the person.
• 36:47
  Ray Comfort: Ray would kill someone with it.
• 36:48
  Emeal Zwayne: Somehow I'm sure, yeah, and you know, I think the big key too is like when it comes to convictions as an example, because that's often the biggest thing, convictions and is like when it comes to convictions as an example, because that's often the biggest thing convictions and decisions, right, decisions we wouldn't make, whether it's financial or it's locational we're moving or career or whatever or convictions, things they do that are in that sphere.
• 37:10
  Emeal Zwayne: But I think it's so important that our actions back up what we should say, because with our kids, we've told them look, you're going to make your own decisions in life and we're going to honor that.
• 37:23
  Emeal Zwayne: We're going to step away.
• 37:24
  Emeal Zwayne: As long as it's not sinful, right, because we still have a job to speak in each other's lives and, of course, we should still be able to share concern.
• 37:33
  Emeal Zwayne: It may not be sin, but we might see it heading there or maybe it doesn't seem wise.
• 37:37
  Emeal Zwayne: We have to be careful with how we do that.
• 37:39
  Emeal Zwayne: It's preferable that we're invited to do that.
• 37:42
  Emeal Zwayne: But I think we have to also look and say we're not just their parents, we're their brothers and sisters in Christ and we should do what we all should do in that regard.
• 37:48
  Emeal Zwayne: But go ahead All right.
• 37:51
  Mark Spence: So I imagine that back.
• 37:52
  Mark Spence: How do I get back into a relationship with my adult children, who maybe there's different scenarios, Maybe they've completely written off their parents or maybe they're just mom dad, I don't want any input from me whatsoever.
• 38:11
  Mark Spence: We'll see you occasionally.
• 38:13
  Mark Spence: How do I get my kids back?
• 38:15
  Emeal Zwayne: Well, it's the four letter Christian filth word humility.
• 38:19
  Emeal Zwayne: It's not four letters literally, but humility and I say filth word because in our flesh it's just despised to humble ourselves if we've done something in error with our children, so to be able to go back and to be willing to admit mistakes we've made and if we really honestly don't know what we might have done, to just seek them out, like hey, can you tell me, is there something I've done?
• 38:46
  Emeal Zwayne: I want to make it right.
• 38:47
  Emeal Zwayne: I love you To go and to really seek to do that is huge.
• 38:54
  Ray Comfort: Yeah, a gift basket would be great.
• 38:58
  Oscar Navarro: We're handing out gift cards.
• 38:58
  Oscar Navarro: Gift baskets yeah, a gift basket would be great.
• 38:58
  Oscar Navarro: We're handing out gift cards.
• 39:02
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, but I was making a point earlier on in that our actions need to back up what we should say to our kids and that is hey, we're going to respect you and let you be your own person.
• 39:11
  Emeal Zwayne: But then we back that up, because sometimes we may say that, but then our kids do make a different decision and then we act differently.
• 39:18
  Emeal Zwayne: Kids do make a different decision and then we, we, we act differently, we give them a guilt trip, we, we get you know, kind of man, that is wrong.
• 39:24
  Emeal Zwayne: You know.
• 39:24
  Emeal Zwayne: We need to just be able to say, hey, yeah, great, that's your decision and we, we've told you that's fine and and and just to to give them that respect because at the end of the day, they have decisions to make.
• 39:36
  Emeal Zwayne: They can choose to pull away.
• 39:38
  Emeal Zwayne: Do you want to be a person who played a part in that because of your lack of graciousness?
• 39:46
  Oscar Navarro: and humility you know I was talking to.
• 39:48
  Oscar Navarro: Kind of your kind of question reminded me of the other side of that coin.
• 39:51
  Oscar Navarro: And I was talking to a friend recently, young 20s, and this person was kind of lamenting how their parents like all of a sudden are wanting to involve themselves in this new area of life.
• 40:05
  Oscar Navarro: For this this guy you know like oh he's, he's into this thing and now all of a sudden they want to be involved and it just feels so awkward and weird, and lamenting on how his parents aren't cool or whatever.
• 40:16
  Oscar Navarro: And um, I encouraged him to look at it differently.
• 40:19
  Oscar Navarro: I told him man, honestly, it reminds me of incarnational love, because when you were a baby, your parents got on their bellies and played blocks with you.
• 40:31
  Oscar Navarro: They met you where you were.
• 40:33
  Oscar Navarro: When you were five years old, your parents played hide and go seek with you.
• 40:38
  Oscar Navarro: When you were 15, they were driving you to your games and teaching you how to drive.
• 40:43
  Oscar Navarro: And now that you're in your twenties, your parents aren't all of a sudden trying to be cool.
• 40:49
  Oscar Navarro: They're doing what they're always have been doing.
• 40:52
  Oscar Navarro: They're meeting you where they're at.
• 40:53
  Oscar Navarro: They're representing incarnational love.
• 40:56
  Oscar Navarro: So don't see it as weird.
• 40:58
  Oscar Navarro: See it as a beautiful reminder of how God has loved you and embrace that.
• 41:04
  Oscar Navarro: That's the way parents have always loved their children, and it's not something to be awkward about.
• 41:10
  Oscar Navarro: It's not something to turn your shoulder on.
• 41:12
  Oscar Navarro: It's something to be viewed as you are being loved by your parents in the same way God has loved you, yeah.
• 41:22
  Ray Comfort: I once heard a preacher say something I'll never forget.
• 41:24
  Ray Comfort: He was talking about honoring your mom and dad and he says you dishonor your mother when she gave up her figure to bear you.
• 41:30
  Ray Comfort: I thought wow you don't realize nine months of suffering so you could have life, yeah.
• 41:36
  Emeal Zwayne: I've shared the Arab saying before.
• 41:38
  Emeal Zwayne: I think that says that the heart of the parent is on the child, the heart of the child is on the rock, like a worthless thing, and you start realizing that as you get older.
• 41:47
  Emeal Zwayne: My son, Luke, is getting married soon and he just moved out to secure the place that they're gonna have.
• 41:53
  Emeal Zwayne: He's roommateing with a good friend of ours and he was just so excited and I remember walking down the hallway and looking into his bedroom and Rachel was sitting on his bed bawling her eyes out his last day at home, you know, and and that's why you have a dog, yeah, well, I'll tell you.
• 42:12
  Emeal Zwayne: It hit me because I thought, you know, luke is so excited and we're excited, but it's easy to look and say, well, isn't, isn't he like sad, isn't he?
• 42:21
  Emeal Zwayne: And he was actually.
• 42:23
  Emeal Zwayne: Luke did shed some tears to just when it hit him like whoa, this is like permanent.
• 42:27
  Emeal Zwayne: Now I'm never coming back home.
• 42:29
  Emeal Zwayne: Um, in a sense, but um, but you know it's um.
• 42:35
  Emeal Zwayne: It's where we were when we were kids, right, we weren't thinking what are my parents feeling?
• 42:41
  Emeal Zwayne: What are my parents going through?
• 42:42
  Ray Comfort: That's exactly right.
• 42:43
  Emeal Zwayne: yeah Right, you're just like, yeah, I'm getting married, getting my own house, whoopee, and so we just have to remember that and be patient.
• 42:49
  Emeal Zwayne: But you know, I wanna close real quick on a note with those who have adult kids, those still living at home.
• 42:56
  Emeal Zwayne: That's when it's a dilemma, because you know there are other things outside of convictions per se and decisions that are just like behavior.
• 43:06
  Emeal Zwayne: And how do you not do a disservice to your children who are living at home by enabling them to do things that aren't good for them?
• 43:14
  Emeal Zwayne: And so I came up with this thing years ago for our kids, and I've told our kids look, this is your home for life If these three things are maintained.
• 43:24
  Emeal Zwayne: Number one respect.
• 43:25
  Emeal Zwayne: We're not going to enable you to dishonor God by living at home now, even though you're an adult, and to treat us in a disparaging and disrespectful way.
• 43:34
  Emeal Zwayne: So respect.
• 43:36
  Emeal Zwayne: Secondly, responsibility.
• 43:37
  Emeal Zwayne: So if you're living at home right, and especially if we're not charging you rent, we're doing that so that we can help you get set up for the future.
• 43:45
  Emeal Zwayne: You have to be pursuing a career, you have to be in school, you have to be saving money, you've got to be pulling your weight around the house.
• 43:54
  Emeal Zwayne: And then, lastly, righteousness.
• 43:56
  Emeal Zwayne: You live at home.
• 43:57
  Emeal Zwayne: You claim to be a Christian.
• 43:58
  Emeal Zwayne: You can't be living in sin, and so my saying is respect, responsibility, righteousness and this is your homestead.
• 44:07
  Emeal Zwayne: Until you're wed, you're dead or you're raptured by the church's head.
• 44:10
  Emeal Zwayne: Yeah, so I think I've shared that before, but it's been a healthy sort of a guide for our kids at home and we're grateful that they've all maintained that.
• 44:15
  Emeal Zwayne: But it's been a healthy sort of a guide for our kids at home and we're grateful that they've all maintained that and it's been a joy to see.
• 44:23
  Emeal Zwayne: But at the end of the day, again, we remember they're God's kids, we entrust them into His care, we maintain humility and we maintain respect.
• 44:35
  Emeal Zwayne: I'll often say that to my kids when we're talking or in a text.
• 44:39
  Emeal Zwayne: I'll say I really respect you.
• 44:41
  Emeal Zwayne: That's huge to have respect from someone, but we as parents think, oh, I need to be respected.
• 44:47
  Emeal Zwayne: No, we also need to be respectful toward our kids, to treat them in a manner that honors the Lord and walk in true biblical love.
• 44:55
  Emeal Zwayne: Take all of the truths of Scripture that apply to one another as believers and apply them to your children, and I think the Lord will guide you in wisdom and direct you in that way.
• 45:06
  Emeal Zwayne: Very good, very good.
• 45:08
  Ray Comfort: Very good All right, friends.
• 45:10
  Emeal Zwayne: That's the end here.
• 45:11
  Emeal Zwayne: Don't forget why?
• 45:12
  Emeal Zwayne: Christianity Solving Life's Most Important Questions.
• 45:15
  Emeal Zwayne: Living Waters Mug, the Evidence Study Bible all at livingwaterscom Podcasts, at livingwaterscom podcast.
• 45:20
  Emeal Zwayne: At livingwaterscom, with all your thoughts and questions and all that other good stuff.
• 45:23
  Emeal Zwayne: Thank you for joining us, friends.
• 45:30
  Emeal Zwayne: We'll see you here next time on the Living Waters podcast, where we have no idea what we're doing.