Latest / Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce / 85. Alleviate Your Divorce Grief, Trauma, and Negative Thoughts Using EFT Tapping; Accessing Your Body's Natural Ability to Heal

Transcript

85. Alleviate Your Divorce Grief, Trauma, and Negative Thoughts Using EFT Tapping; Accessing Your Body's Natural Ability to Heal · Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce

• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Hi love.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: So during holiday week you obviously need more tools than you might start during some other times of life.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: So producer joy and I handpicked this tool for you to really help yourself move through the difficult moments when you're celebrating the holidays.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: This episode about EFT tapping is one that is must have, because if you're not using EFT tapping as part of your healing journey, you are guaranteed to struggle longer and to stay stuck in spots that you could actually be feeling better much faster.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Hi love, this is Dawn and you're listening to Dear Divorce Diary with my coach, dawn, where we explore the post-divorce life and you, the woman who lives it.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: We cover everything from trauma during an after divorce to feeling like a stranger in your own life and the new frontier of life as a single woman.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Cozy in for the conversations you've been longing to have about this new life.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: In this episode we're going to cover what EFT tapping is and how it works.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: We're also going to talk about how it's a somatic tool, because we're learning so much that healing, even mentally and emotionally, happens especially through the body.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: We're going to talk about how EFT tapping is a body oriented or somatic healing tool and finally, you're going to hear why I love creating very specific custom EFT tapping videos for my clients.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: And if you would like your very own, for free, custom EFT tapping video, you can DM me.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: The link is in the show notes for the DM.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: The first three people to DM me and give me a handful of details about where you're stuck and why I will make you your very own, for free, custom EFT tapping video.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Let's dig in.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Hi love, can you hear the bird chirping outside my window?
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I have the happiest birds that live at my house and it's such a pleasing day the sun is shining and the birds are chirping and I am so excited to be with you.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Today.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: We're going to talk about EFT tapping, such a great conversation about a tool that if you use it regularly, you kind of know and you already love it, and we're just going to like geek out about all the things and we're going to talk about what the differences between EFT and EMDR, and so you know we'll just maybe dig in a little deeper.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: If you don't use EFT tapping, oh, this is a game changer for you.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: So and like in a way that by the end of today you could feel differently than you do right now If you use this tool today like it's one of those tools that immediately, like 10 minutes after using it, you feel different or better or whatever right, and.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: And so it's just such a game changer in your healing journey.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: So I cannot wait for us to get in there, all right.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: So what is EFT tapping?
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Well, eft stands for Emotional Freedom Technique.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: So EFT tapping is Emotional Freedom Technique tapping, and what it is is a series of tapping using your fingers in a series of spaces and places on your body that allows your mind, body to balance the emotional energy in your body.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: And there are a lot of different ways to adapt the tapping, like there is a specific set group of places to tap that are associated with acupressure points in Chinese medicine.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: So we know that these points that you tap on are very specific in order to get a wonderful release and emotional release, emotional freedom, right.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: But also when we're in spaces and places where we can't necessarily do the full tapping thing, like, let's say, you're sitting at a meeting with your boss at the table, there are abbreviated versions of tapping, like, for instance, the karate chop, where you're just you just have one hand out like a, like a fin, and your other fingers, just tapping at the heel of your hand I wish you could see me right now and so, like that karate chop, for instance, just doing that under the table can already help provide you some emotional freedom.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: There's also just tapping each of your fingers on the side of your thumb and just working through your fingers provides a little baby emotional freedom release.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: If you do it long enough, it just helps regulate and take a little bit of the muscle out of the teapot if you're using it in a tense situation.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: So EFT tapping is a series of acupressure points on your body that are associated with our understanding of the body according to Chinese medicine, and when you do it it helps balance your mind and your body, the energies that are always traveling through your body in order to be in a more relaxed state.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: So the moments where we would use EFT, when we're really triggered or dysregulated, we know.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: So now I'm gonna get into what happens in the brain when we use EFT.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: So when we're triggered or our central nervous system is dysregulated.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: If we look at the brain in four quadrants top, bottom, left, right when we're triggered, our brain is bottom right.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: The bottom half of our brain is like our kind of neanderthal right.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: It's like the most basic human emotions, like our, our Fight, flight, freeze response is in our bottom brain rage, fear, desire, right.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: All that is like very basic bottom brain Survival.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Stuff goes on in that brain stem space and our right brain is the more emotional of our brain, the left brain is our more logic and our top brain is what is called the smart brain.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: So when we're triggered is just regulated and we approach EFT tapping, we're gonna move from where the major.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: If we were hooked up to an MRI, for instance, we would see that the most activation in our brain would be, for instance, bottom right.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: We're everything in the bottom right of our brain where it's like survival based, heavy emotional goings on would be really lit up, and After we tap for a bit, we would see afterwards a much more balanced Brain use where our top brain, our prefrontal cortex, the parts of our brain that are capable of higher reasoning, of delayed gratification, of Making difficult decisions, of having kind of a Balanced approach to things, would be far more available to us.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Because when we're Disregulated or we're triggered and the brain perceives that its top priority is survival, when you are scared, when you are in Despair, when you are in rage, the brain is like got it survival top priority and you know this just from living your life lately that when you feel that intensely you are not in an open-minded space, you are not going to be able to Reason through things in the way that you would.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: You are not going to be able to change your negative beliefs right, like it's just kind of a very locked and loaded spot when you're triggered and dysregulated.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: So after doing EFT, an EFT session, either for a number of minutes, or after doing a series of EFT sessions for a number of days, you are going to notice way more balanced brain function, way more balanced Emotional reasoning.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: You're going to notice your negative beliefs shifting into positive beliefs.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: You are going to notice a lot more insight and awareness, a lot less anxiety.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: You know you hear in trauma speak a lot of talk about the amygdala, the almond shaped part of the brain that's in the limbic system, in the emotional reasoning Section of the brain, how, when you've experienced a lot of trauma or a lot of hard emotional stuff PS, divorce that the amygdala gets literally inflamed and if you've been doing EFT tapping for a, a number of sessions, that amygdala can Literally shrink back to its appropriate non-inflamed size.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: So EFT tapping not only does it work, but it can pre can create such powerful results.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: It really is a game changer.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Now the thing that I see people struggle with is how awkward it is.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Right and and and I think that's you know because you start you're tapping on your face right.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: You start by tapping first the karate chop, then in your inner eyebrow, your outer eyebrow, under your eye, top lip cleft of your chin, your clavicle on your chest, and then your sides, like under your armpits, top of your head, and then it starts all over again.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: So when you're doing an EFT tapping session and don't worry, there's lots of resources, I'm gonna link in the show notes.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: So if you haven't seen this, I'm gonna link my favorite app and my favorite YouTube channel For you to like see how it works.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: But but when you're doing it, it feels at First like kind of awkward, a little silly, like where do I tap next?
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: And it just kind of looks like what, what is going on now?
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: For me, I've been doing it so long, it just kind of has become normal.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: But when people are not familiar and they see it for the first time, they don't Do it right, they look at it and they're like what does?
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: How does?
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: A?
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Does this work, or is this just ridiculous?
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: B like what's it gonna do?
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: For see, like it's not worth it.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I, that's confusing.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I look ridiculous, right?
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: You could just kind of imagine this is how people respond and then they don't do it.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Now I Often don't do it as much as I wish I would do it also.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: So let's just acknowledge that when there feels like there's friction on a thing, right, and the friction is either I don't understand if this works, I don't know if it benefits me and I feel dumb doing it that's friction, right, I'm less likely to follow through because we're not great follow-throughers, as it is right.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: I've been doing some EFT.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Last week to do with a negative belief.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: I kind of sussed out in my own consciousness more about that later, and then I kind of fell off through the weekend why I got distracted.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I got distracted with life, I forgot, I didn't follow through.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: And now here I am and it's Monday and I'm well for you, it's Tuesday, but I'm recording this on a Monday and I'm like, oh yeah, why did I stop doing that?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: So so I hope that this episode helps remove some of the friction that you might have About trying this new thing, that you're gonna feel kind of awkward doing it first, right?
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about the science behind EFT tapping, because In the world of science, let's just fully acknowledge that there are clubs, there are clubs and, just like any good club with a bunch of good clicks, clubs think they're better than the other, right, this club thinks it's better than that club, and so on and so forth.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: So there are science clubs that think, or that would call EFT a pseudo science, that it's got kind of this history being regarded as Science-adjacent, like well, we haven't really studied it enough to know it's, you know, based on kind of this Chinese energy principle and not necessarily these other structural ways of viewing the body and Anatomy.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: But loves, you and I both know that just because one club says something about the other club does not make it true.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: And Before Instagram influencers were a thing, there were a lot of other influencers out there in the world that really wanted to advocate for their own club and they didn't necessarily put the energy or the influence or the you know their resources into exploring these other things, because you might not Use the you know the old way anymore, right?
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: If you knew that EFT tapping could relieve you from having to do as much therapy or is take as many Prescription meds would you, would you still go to therapy and use prescription meds?
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: That's why it's called the emotional freedom technique tapping.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: So you may read some research out there that says that, that it's a pseudo science and that there's no definitive benefits.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: But that would be one club or a couple of clubs saying, mmm, we want you to stay in our club, don't go join the other clubs.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Because we do know that, looking at the energy body and the way that our body stores energetic data, that has been demonstrated in science over and over and over again.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: And what we know is that the body there's this great book by Bessel Vander Kolk, I'm sure you've heard me talk about it before the body keeps the score.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: There's another great book by Oprah and another MD what happened to you?
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: This has become commonplace, understanding that our level of Illness in our body is directly proportionate, whether it's mental or physical.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Illness is directly proportionate to, yes, our genetics, but also the amount of trauma or emotional pain we've experienced and not recovered from, and that the body Really is the key to unlocking our mental and emotional suffering that we cannot think our way through trauma.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: We can only feel our way through it.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: We cannot think ourselves out of mental illness, no matter how much cognitive behavioral therapy you do.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: And that is not a knock against CBT.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Cbt is good and great and wonderful.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: It is a tool.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: But we know that to really unlock Inbalance energy, trauma, conflict, shock, whatever you want to call it in the mind, body, you have to involve the body in the healing process.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: And so EFT is Brilliant because you're tapping on the acupressure points in the body which engages that energetic, physical component while Moving through us.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna call it a script.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: It's not necessarily a script, but it's moving through a storyline In the process that takes you from a low vibration, painful place up through higher Vibrational spaces, more positive spaces, right.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about how that works.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: In the beginning, we would start by acknowledging how much pain you're in.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: So let's, for instance, talk about it in the context of divorce.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: We would start by saying something like even though I'm in so much pain right now, even though this hurts so badly, even though I feel lost, even though, right, we would start by really Acknowledging and we would be queuing in on those words that you really relate to feeling right this moment, and then, as we move through the storyline, we would acknowledge that it's actually not just the grief that you're feeling, that there's Actually also a negative belief under there that is driving your suffering, something to do with fear or shame usually, because we all can acknowledge that crying isn't what hurts so bad.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: It's the fear and the shame underneath that hurts so bad.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: When we grip on to that fear and shame, when we hold that resistance that this can't get better or that there's something wrong with me or I don't deserve more, that I'm gonna be stuck like this forever, that fear and shame is really what keeps us prisoner.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: So EFT would start with acknowledging the pain you're in.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: It would start exploring what it is that you believe about that pain, the belief, the negative belief that has you stuck there, and then it would start exploring in the storyline how your life would change if there was a neg, a different belief.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Right, but I do.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: But I do see some people getting better from divorce, so maybe there is a solution.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I do see some people transforming their lives.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I wonder what they know that I don't know.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I do see some people healing and Going on to have full and rich lives.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: So maybe that's possible for me.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Right in the storyline you would, after purging and balancing all that Painful energy out of the mind, body, we would start moving through that storyline where there's a there's at least an opening for a positive thought or emotion.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: And then, as we continued through that narrative, through that narrative, and then as we continued through that narrative, through that story, we would look at well, what kind of positive belief would I need to have about myself?
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Well, maybe this is possible for me.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: Well, maybe there isn't something wrong with me.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Maybe I am worth it.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Maybe I am good enough, maybe I can learn from this.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Maybe I did do enough, maybe I am worthy of forgiveness.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: And and each EFT tapping session would have a very specific Focus, right, whether it's that you want to find peace or joy or happiness or abundance, or new love or sleep better, or To deal with chronic pain or any number of things.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: And so in each EFT tapping session, we would find a very specific storyline that helps you release your specific pain point.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Now there are so many amazing resources out there for EFT.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: One of my favorite apps is called the tapping solution.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: One of my favorite EFT tappers is Brad Yates, and it's gaining such popularity.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: There are EFT tapping coaches out there that really have fused EFT tapping with therapy.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: It's an incredibly effective tool and there are.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: There is a lot of value to working with someone who knows EFT inside and out and can help you deliver it in a very specialized way for you.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: What do I mean by that?
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: So I love the tapping solution, I love Brad Yates, but Brad Yates creates individualized tapping videos for people.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: Eft tapping coaches create individualized tapping experiences.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Because nuance matters.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Nuance and context matter.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: So, just like when you come into session with me, and my use of my intuition and my use of being really attuned to you and understanding the very tiniest fibers of the experience that you're walking allows me to say the thing that perfectly unlocks your awareness, or, just by feeling that secure in the session, allows you to access something that was previously in your unconscious mind and brings it to your conscious mind.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: And so when you're working with someone who can get at that nuance, it really just 10 X's the breakthroughs that come as a result of EFT.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: So EFT via an app or YouTube can get you so so, so, so far so far in your own healing, like you can very much heal yourself using EFT in many, many ways.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: And then where you see spaces where there's still some stuff in there that I can't quite get to, is where you might, you know, reach out to somebody who's really well versed in EFT and say, like I'm having trouble breaking through this next thing, right and, and I can't quite put my finger on what that is so.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Good example last week I started to figure out that there's this negative belief that I'm holding on to that has something to do with pleasure and it definitely came from very early childhood programming to do with religion and good girl syndrome, right?
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Ps, the majority of the beliefs that we subconsciously run our life from we're installed from ages zero to seven, before our top brain that I was referencing earlier, or smart brain, is developed.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: So from zero to seven, we rely so much on internalizing the things that were just taught and the things that are mirrored for us, and we do that without kind of consciously choosing oh, this is a great belief, I'm going to believe this because I've really sorted it out and sifted through it and I believe it.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: No, we just believe it because it's handed to us and we say, okay, yes, thank you, and then we go on and live our life according to those unconscious negative beliefs until we become aware of them.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: So last week it's not new information to me that I have suffered from kind of good girl syndrome and some really early childhood religious programming, but it suddenly became clear to me that there was some languaging in there around how I deserve pleasure, that when I eat certain foods, that guilt that comes up right.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Or if I this is like multiple weeks in a row where, when, the, when my dear cleaning crew is here, I feel guilty if I'm not working as hard as them.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Right, guilty for feeling pleasure while somebody else is working that I could just start to see last week.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: This, these ideas about when sex can and can't happen and when delicious food can and can't happen, and whether or not I've worked hard enough for a thing to really enjoy it or to be deserving of it.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: And right.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: So I started working on using EFT tapping, making up my own script, but understanding that first thing was to validate.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm tapping on the back of my hand right now, you can't see it.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling pleasure.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling pleasure, that I didn't deserve it, that I'm not worthy enough, that I didn't you know, whatever.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: And then moved on from there that it is good and right for me to feel pleasure, that I don't have to do penance or I don't have to repent for feeling pleasure, that I don't have to feel pleasure according to somebody else's schedule, right, could.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Just kind of went into this whole idea around unlocking my own internal permission to feel good often, all the time, as much as possible, right, as much as possible.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: We're not going to feel good all the time, that's bullshit, don't, don't listen to that.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: But like as much as possible that too often I hide my own light, I snuff out my own flame because I feel like for some reason I didn't deserve it, or, yeah, that I didn't deserve it.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: So that's how I stumbled across this fancy new way to use EFT in my life last week.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: So when we're first starting out though these kind of broad strokes around fear and around shame and worthiness, and so you know, if you're on the Brad Yates YouTube channel looking for the right video, you might be Googling releasing emotional pain or for anxiety, or for panic or for loneliness, or you might be searching by symptom, but then the better we get, we start searching by benefit.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: Right Like, I want to feel joy, I want to feel free, I want to feel abundance, I want to attract love, I want to.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: And so part of the reason that this works so effectively is what I referenced earlier, that it allows your brain to function in a balanced way so that it does not perceive that it is threatened.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: Because when we are actively experiencing a trauma, or we our brain thinks we're experiencing a trauma, even though it's actually over, the brain feels threatened.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: It's going to be absolutely zeroed in on survival and nothing else, and it is not going to be open to adaptive information.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: But when you've used EFT for a series of time and you and your brain becomes open to adaptive information, there's where we start to transform our internalized negative beliefs that we probably picked up before we were seven years old and really embrace new beliefs about worth and about what's possible.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: And so I hope that you're starting to connect the dots that all the things we talk about on this podcast whether it's manifesting or it's EFT, or it's EMDR, or it's homeopathy, or it's attracting new love, or it's understanding how to get unstuck emotionally, or it's grieving our losses, that all of these things are interconnected.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Love that, that changing our underlying negative beliefs, is how we grieve our losses, it's how we generate self love, it's how we manifest with intention all of your desires.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: That EFT and EMDR and journaling are tools we use to transform those negative beliefs.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about the difference between EFT and EMDR.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: They are both fantastic tools that can create very similar, if not identical, outcomes depending on how they're used right.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: So I think that the key difference between EFT and EMDR let's say there are two One is EFT and EMDR just activate the mind body slightly differently.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Right, eft relies on acupressure points in the body to balance the energy in the mind body.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: Eft relies on the kind of the simplicity, if you will, in EMDR of bilateral stimulation Left, it's just left, right, right and both tools allow your brain to access adaptive information.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: Meaning I used to see it one way and now, after applying this type of sensory stimulation, I can now consider a different way.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: That's what adaptive information is.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: It's new information that helps me function differently, given that I now can take in new ideas, new thoughts, new beliefs about this old experience.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: So I think some things to consider about this are that EFT is known to be something you can use on your own at home with yourself, that you don't need a facilitator to do it.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: Ps.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I feel the same way about EMDR, but most therapists will not say that to you.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: You're not going to get very many mental health providers to say to you absolutely, emdr yourself.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: However I have, I do and I teach my clients to do it as well.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: They don't.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Very often, because we get scared about a thing right, we tend to defer to the people who we see as experts, rather than saying I can become an expert in this right, but you can become an expert in this love and I'm happy to teach you how to become an expert in it, because I want you to be in charge of your own wellness and I don't want you to feel like you have to be dependent on healers to do it.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Yes, we all need healers.
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: I need healers, you need healers.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: We all need healers because we need that me too, babe experience, because we need somebody to hold a mirror up for us so we can see that that we kind of that was hidden inside, that we couldn't see.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: But you don't need a healer because you can't do it right, it's just because we are we.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: We are meant to be in, in cooperation with each other.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: We are meant to be together.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: We are meant to commune and collaborate and love and connect.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: That's how we're biologically wired for love and belonging, as Bernay Brown would say, right.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: So I don't want you to be dependent on a healer, to fear that you can't heal without a healer.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: We can all show up as healers for each other, right?
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: I want you to start claiming this for yourself.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: So EFT is known to be like a take home DIY tool.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Emdr could be as well, and both also can be used in a therapy session in a way that helps you move from subconscious kind of functioning without realizing the underlying beliefs that are driving all of those thoughts, feelings and beliefs, to a conscious awareness, to an insight, rich.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, I understand now.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: This is the new belief I need to embody, and both EFT and EMDR can help me internalize that new positive belief.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: So EFT uses acupressure points throughout the upper body and the head.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Emdr uses bilateral, just left, right, simplified kind of metronomy stimulation, a butterfly tap, it's also been called right.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: There's two different ways of stimulating the mind body.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Well, we're using a mind, a thought based technique, a physical sensory stimulation that allows us to process and reprocess emotion, memory, old beliefs and to transmute those into positive beliefs.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: So yes, they function differently in the, they may light up different parts of the brain, but they're both really powerful tools.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: They're both really powerful tools for trauma, for anxiety, for depression, for all of those painful things where we're stuck and we can't seem to mmm release whatever the suffering is.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: Eft is something you could absolutely get started with right away Now.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: It has a cumulative effect.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: So EFT is something I love to use on a very consistent basis when I'm working to shift a very specific negative belief.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: If I do it once a day, I'm gonna get great results.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: If I do it once a week, I'm gonna get mediocre results, probably.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: So keep that in mind.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: If you could do it twice a day, even better.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: If you're like me, you're probably not gonna remember, but if I just like anything right, if I set a reminder on my phone, and if I have the willingness to do it, then I'm gonna get the results, which is just so worth it.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: So what would keep somebody from using a tool like this?
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: Like, if it's so good, don, if you're telling me that this is so good.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Why don't more people do it?
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: Why isn't it more popular?
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Why are people still suffering?
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: Great questions, great, great questions, and I think that there are two things about that.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Number one the mind likes the path of least resistance.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: So we like what is familiar and we like what we know works now.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: So if I'm feeling anxious and I know that I can go have a glass of wine, take a pill and scroll Instagram and shut that shit down, and I know that that's gonna work and I know what I'm gonna get as a result of it, then that is what I'm most likely going to do.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: If you tell me to tap all over my body and not use those tools that I just told you, I'm not gonna take the pill, not gonna drink the wine, not gonna scroll the Instagram.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: I'm going to feel bigger feelings first, before they get better.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Right, the stuff is all going to bubble up and then I'm gonna feel afraid and I'm gonna feel uncertain and I'm not gonna know exactly what's happening at first, and that is going to feel dysregulating.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Then the brain gets hooked into that whole survival thing that I was mentioning earlier.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: Right when you start to access your traumas.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: When you start to access your pains, your brain says, oh no, survival is an issue, shut it down, right.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: So why don't people do it more often?
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: Because it involves getting in there and feeling all the things, and when you're doing that in a therapist's office or in your pastor's office or in your girlfriend's house, it's like, oh, there's somebody here to ground me, there's somebody here to keep me from feeling like I'm gonna float away and like combust, right.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Versus using a tool like this at home and it getting all messy, whether it's you know, any of these things.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: There's a certain fear in there that you can't trust yourself, that you can't trust that you're gonna be okay, that you're not gonna have a panic attack, that you're not gonna panic about having a panic attack, right.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: So so just notice that a lot of times we don't do the things because we're scared, because we don't trust ourselves, because we don't know what to expect, because culturally, that is not what's popular.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: What is popular culturally is to numb it down.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: So that's the first thing.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: The second thing is EFT, emdr, any of these tools.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: They are the ladder to your success.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: They are not your success.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: So so what do I mean by that?
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: These tools like EFT, emdr, journaling, you name it.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: They are the rungs of the ladder as I climb up towards having a really positive, internalized belief about myself.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: They are the.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: They are the thing that helped me climb towards peace, towards freedom, towards feeling that really delicious, gooey sense of self-love and self acceptance and connection with people around me and attracting and manifesting all the things that I desire turning my thoughts into things, whether it be a relationship or a dream job or really great relationship with my kids, and feeling really proud of myself.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: These tools are the ladder on which I climb.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: So I'm not going to do EFT tapping once or even a dozen times and suddenly I don't struggle or I don't feel pain.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: That's not how it works.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: We use the tools so that we can have awareness, so that we can make more insightful choices, so that we can start to live in a different way.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: But just because we're living from a place of awareness and consciousness and not as traumatized people, doesn't mean we don't feel pain.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: Right, I still stub my toe, I still have bad days, I still get all up in my feelings, I still react to something my husband says or does, or a family member says or does, or you know, like life is still life, love, just because we heal right.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: So sometimes I think we look at people who are really at least I can say this sometimes people look at me and they say, dawn, you still feel pain or you still struggle sometimes.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: Does this stuff really work?
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Is it really worth it?
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: Because we just struggle to trust, and I think that so much of this work that we talk about healing from our traumas, finding self-love, finding self-acceptance, moving on from divorce, it, trusting ourselves it is the thing that we're reaching for.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Because what is peace other than feeling like I can trust myself and I can trust my higher power, my God, and that is the ease from which everything else comes from.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: I don't have to worry about trusting you.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: If I trust myself and I trust my God, I don't even have to worry about trusting you.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna know if it's aligned or it's not.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna capital K and OW, I'm just gonna know.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: So EFT tapping is absolutely a ladder that can help you climb to everything that you want.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: However, it's not going to keep you from never feeling pain again.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: In fact, it's gonna feel worse before it feels better, and you have to be consistent with it.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: But I would love nothing more than for you to say, oh my gosh, I started tapping and my life completely changed, because that is absolutely what's available to you with this tool.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: So definitely, when we're done, check out the show notes, check out the app and the YouTube channel so you can get a feeling for their different right.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: There are different, just like one therapist would appeal to one person and one therapist would appeal to another, or this podcast appeals to you and that podcast appeals to someone else, like it's the same thing with tapping right.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: So don't watch one tapping video from one person say like oh, that didn't resonate, like I'm tapping is not for me.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: Just know that there are a lot of different personalities or people out there that can teach you how to tap.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: And ultimately, I want you to learn the pattern so that when you're sitting in carline or wherever, you can just kind of break it out and do the thing right, because that's true emotional freedom.
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, I am so, so excited for you to do this.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear which tapping video you do first and exactly how silly you feel doing it.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: But just do it anyway because it doesn't matter.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: Like your healing and you climbing that ladder is way more important than what that lady over there and carline thinks of you.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, so just do the thing.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: I love you so much.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: I'm so, so excited and I believe in you talk soon.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: Dear divorce diary is a podcast by my coach John.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: You can find more at my coach Johncom.