Latest / The You Project / #2035 It's Been A Sh*t Week - Harps

Transcript

#2035 It's Been A Sh*t Week - Harps · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I get a term, it's harps. Who else would it be?
0:02
Speaker 1: Welcome to another installing the new project. There's going to
0:04
Speaker 1: be a little bit different, going to be honest, I
0:07
Speaker 1: don't know how it's going to go. I don't know
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Speaker 1: how most are going to go. I guess that's true.
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Speaker 1: It's just me. It's just me today and I debated
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Speaker 1: with myself. Myself and I had a good lengthy discussion
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Speaker 1: about whether or not I should share with you what
0:24
Speaker 1: I'm about to share with you, because I didn't know.
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Speaker 1: I didn't want it to be self indulgent. I didn't
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Speaker 1: want it to be on any level sympathy seeking or
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Speaker 1: attention seeking. But I thought, maybe just me talking about
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Speaker 1: the week that I've had that hasn't been very fun,
0:43
Speaker 1: hasn't been very fun. It's been kind of shit. It's
0:47
Speaker 1: been kind of shit, but it's been interesting. And in
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Speaker 1: the darkness, there's been moments of light. There've been peaks
0:51
Speaker 1: and troughs. And you know what I find interesting is
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Speaker 1: that for me, all the stuff that I talk about,
1:02
Speaker 1: which is being able to perform under pressure and human
1:04
Speaker 1: optimization and being solution focused and controlling my energy and investing,
1:10
Speaker 1: you know what I have to work with in the
1:12
Speaker 1: most intelligent, sensible way possible given the context of the situation,
1:17
Speaker 1: to produce the best outcomes and the best emotional state.
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Speaker 1: And all those things are true. They're true. But it's
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Speaker 1: really interesting when it's happening to me, when the shit
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Speaker 1: is happening to me, when it's tough, when it's messy,
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Speaker 1: when it's uncomfortable, when bad things are happening to good people.
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Speaker 1: Let's hope I'm the good people, and more importantly, good
1:37
Speaker 1: people that I love and care about. And so I
1:42
Speaker 1: kind of I waxed and mined about whether or not
1:45
Speaker 1: I would share this. I don't know whether or not
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Speaker 1: it's going to be good or great, or bad or shit.
1:50
Speaker 1: I'll let you be the judge. You might want to
1:52
Speaker 1: pull out in twenty seconds from now and go nah,
1:54
Speaker 1: too deep, too heavy. I'm going to try and make
1:58
Speaker 1: it as insightful and helpful and relevant while honest and
2:02
Speaker 1: authentic and vulnerable as I can. I think it's also
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Speaker 1: good sometimes from the people that we listen to, or
2:09
Speaker 1: the people that hopefully, hopefully you respect me a little bit.
2:13
Speaker 1: I guess you might because you listen to my stuff,
2:15
Speaker 1: But to hear from those people that also sometimes just
2:19
Speaker 1: have a shit day. And I think when you know,
2:22
Speaker 1: when people that I looked up to or respect or
2:25
Speaker 1: learn from have a shit day, I like to kind
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Speaker 1: of hear about that in the sense of what's going on,
2:31
Speaker 1: what did you do about that? How are you now?
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Speaker 1: And so that's kind of where I'm at now. So
2:38
Speaker 1: let me start from the start. So it's Sunday one
2:40
Speaker 1: point fifteen as I record this, and it's over the
2:45
Speaker 1: last not just weak, but probably it's been a shit fortnight.
2:49
Speaker 1: But I can't share all of the things that have happened,
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Speaker 1: just for confidentiality reasons and respect for some people. I can.
2:59
Speaker 1: I can talk about what's happened generally, some of it
3:02
Speaker 1: I can talk about specifically, but I just need to
3:06
Speaker 1: be careful and thoughtful about certain people. But it's fair
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Speaker 1: to say that people that I love and people that
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Speaker 1: I care about and people that I'm connected to have
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Speaker 1: had and are having some real challenges. And you know,
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Speaker 1: it's sometimes when somebody's going through something that's somewhere between
3:26
Speaker 1: you know, a bit tricky and fucking horrendous. Let's be honest,
3:31
Speaker 1: some things are fucking horrendous. Let's just be Let's not
3:36
Speaker 1: disney it up. Let's not disney it up. Let's just
3:39
Speaker 1: be real and raw and go. Some things that happen
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Speaker 1: to us or around us are to people that we
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Speaker 1: care about, are really really horrible. And in the middle
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Speaker 1: of the horrible, in the middle of the horrendous and
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Speaker 1: the unfair and the unwanted and the uncomfortable, you know,
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Speaker 1: there we are, There we are, And so for me,
3:55
Speaker 1: it's always interesting in the middle of tough thing for
4:00
Speaker 1: me personally as a notither as a coach or not
4:03
Speaker 1: as a podcast or an author or a research or anything,
4:06
Speaker 1: but just me in terms of me and my own bullshit,
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Speaker 1: me in my life, me and my mind, me and
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Speaker 1: my body, me and my energy, me and my choices
4:15
Speaker 1: and behaviors and actions and reactions and outcomes. I'm interested
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Speaker 1: in me. That sounds weird, but I am interested in
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Speaker 1: how I am when things are going bad, because I
4:29
Speaker 1: think how I am when things are going bad is
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Speaker 1: an indicator of how I'm going as a person. Am
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Speaker 1: I only good? Am I only positive? Am I only
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Speaker 1: proactive and kind of the rah rah dude when everything's great?
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Speaker 1: Or am either guy that can still maintain you know,
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Speaker 1: those kind of values and that thinking, and for the
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Speaker 1: most part, those behaviors and that kind of mindset ten
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Speaker 1: personality in the middle of the shit, And I think
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Speaker 1: these are the real challenges. And I think, you know,
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Speaker 1: when we talk about personal development, when we talk about
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Speaker 1: self help, when we talk about human behavior, when we
5:12
Speaker 1: talk about human optimization, when I talk to you about
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Speaker 1: you getting the most out of you, I'm talking mostly.
5:22
Speaker 1: I'm talking about when things are hard, when things aren't
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Speaker 1: going well, when we don't feel inspired, when we aren't
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Speaker 1: getting good results, when bad things are happening, or unwanted
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Speaker 1: or uncomfortable or uncertainty is embracing us, and we find
5:39
Speaker 1: ourselves in the middle of stuff that we didn't choose
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Speaker 1: or want. Like I believe that this is the time
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Speaker 1: where I don't like the term personal development, but this
5:50
Speaker 1: awareness of self and this intended development and improvement of self.
5:55
Speaker 1: So you know what I'm talking about. I guess we'll
5:58
Speaker 1: call it personal development and growth for the moment, but
6:01
Speaker 1: one I'm just thinking, why don't I like that? The
6:04
Speaker 1: reason I don't love those terms is because I think
6:07
Speaker 1: they've been productized, commercialized, And so when I talk about
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Speaker 1: personal growth and development, I'm literally talking about a process
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Speaker 1: I'm literally talking about a psychological and emotional and physiological
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Speaker 1: and sociological and maybe spiritual journey. I'm not talking about
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Speaker 1: a podcast. I'm not talking about a lecture by Craig Harper.
6:29
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about a program or a pill or
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Speaker 1: a fucking even a PhD. I'm not talking about that.
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Speaker 1: I'm just talking about you becoming the better version of you.
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Speaker 1: That's personal growth, that's personal transformation. That's self help. I mean,
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Speaker 1: for me, self help is literally our ability to be
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Speaker 1: able to consistently and diligently and courageously help ourselves to
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Speaker 1: not only survive, but to thrive in the middle of
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Speaker 1: what can be shit, what can be fucking mayhem and
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Speaker 1: pain and so friends, this week has been an opportunity
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Speaker 1: for that. It's been an opportunity for me to grow.
7:16
Speaker 1: So a friend of mine who I won't talk about,
7:21
Speaker 1: he knows who he is. He had He's spoken about
7:26
Speaker 1: this publicly, but I won't just because I don't want to.
7:34
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just don't feel that's appropriate. But
7:37
Speaker 1: you know, he had his son pass away, his twenty
7:42
Speaker 1: four year old son pass away, you know, and in
7:48
Speaker 1: which which very recently and which just to me is unthinkable.
7:55
Speaker 1: It's it's and I can't even begin to imagine what
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Speaker 1: that is like. You know, I'm not a dad. I'm
8:01
Speaker 1: not a dad, but you know, dealing with that and
8:05
Speaker 1: navigating that on a whole range of levels. And his
8:09
Speaker 1: son passed away in another country and now he's got
8:12
Speaker 1: to I think the words repatriate the body, bring it
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Speaker 1: back here and all of that, and so you know
8:18
Speaker 1: that that kind of and that that was kind of
8:21
Speaker 1: the first thing that kicked off. And I can't do
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Speaker 1: anything about that. I can't really help him other than
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Speaker 1: chat to him, which I've done, and and you know,
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Speaker 1: he knows who he is. Shout outs him and love
8:32
Speaker 1: to him and his beautiful wife and the family and
8:37
Speaker 1: all of that. But that kind of like I I
8:40
Speaker 1: think one of the things for me too, is when
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Speaker 1: there's somebody that I care about that's in pain and
8:45
Speaker 1: I can't do anything. I know that I'm not anyone's savior.
8:49
Speaker 1: I get that, but when I can't do something to
8:52
Speaker 1: help or to make some kind of a difference, it's it's, yeah,
9:00
Speaker 1: I feel somewhat redundant. But anyway, that's just me, that's
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Speaker 1: just me and my feeling. I'm going to jump around
9:05
Speaker 1: a little bit. So it's now as I said to you,
9:08
Speaker 1: I think I said this, it's Sunday one twenty one
9:10
Speaker 1: now as I'm recording. And I went to Queensland this week.
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Speaker 1: I went Monday night to do a gig, corporate gig
9:18
Speaker 1: on Tuesday, so I stayed overnight and when I got
9:23
Speaker 1: off the when I got off the plane, there was
9:27
Speaker 1: a phone call from me from my mum letting me know.
9:34
Speaker 1: Actually that is not true that there was my mum
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Speaker 1: had called and missed me. But there was a phone
9:40
Speaker 1: call from Melissa, who runs my life, who informed me
9:46
Speaker 1: that my dad had been rushed to hospital. And so
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Speaker 1: this was Monday. And again with all of this, my
9:53
Speaker 1: dad's a really private person and not that for some
10:00
Speaker 1: reasons that I for that and also another couple of
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Speaker 1: kind of reasons, I think I can't share it all.
10:06
Speaker 1: But let's just say that it is a significant challenge
10:10
Speaker 1: that he is going through. So that was Monday, he
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Speaker 1: was in hospital. Tuesday, I was presenting, and so I
10:18
Speaker 1: find out that my dad's been rushed to hospital with
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Speaker 1: this significant medical issue, medical challenge which is life threatening.
10:28
Speaker 1: So he didn't break his ankle or break his leg
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Speaker 1: like it's life threatening. And so then I'm in Queensland
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Speaker 1: and do I fly home tonight? Do I Is there
10:38
Speaker 1: anything I can do? And I'm like, well, no, he's okay.
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Speaker 1: At the moment, he's in hospital. He's in the best place.
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Speaker 1: I can't do anything medically. So then I had about
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Speaker 1: as you would imagine, Monday night, I had about seven
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Speaker 1: minutes sleep. If I'm being self indulgent, now, I'm sorry.
10:52
Speaker 1: I don't mean to be. Just talking about navigating a
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Speaker 1: messy week. I had not a lot of sleep, as
10:58
Speaker 1: you would imagine. I got up and then I went
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Speaker 1: to go and present for an hour to an awesome group.
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Speaker 1: I won't name them, they know who they are. In fact,
11:10
Speaker 1: a room full of lawyers, I can say that. And
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Speaker 1: I thought, oh, this is going to be a hard gig.
11:15
Speaker 1: This I just thought it would be hard because I
11:17
Speaker 1: thought I don't know that you know. But that was
11:20
Speaker 1: my bad, my mistake. They were amazing. They were very
11:23
Speaker 1: receptive and towards the end of my presentation gave them
11:26
Speaker 1: even gave them a little bit of an insight into
11:29
Speaker 1: what was happening in my life at that point in time.
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Speaker 1: And they were nothing but fucking gorgeous and compassionate. And
11:36
Speaker 1: so that was a really nice little bit of love
11:39
Speaker 1: and joy in the middle of a pretty hard week.
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Speaker 1: And then I, you know, I spent I did some
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Speaker 1: more work, I flew home that night, I got up
11:51
Speaker 1: early early early Wednesday morning, went straight up, spent the
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Speaker 1: day in hospital with my dad. And since then it's
11:58
Speaker 1: just been an ongoing kind of roller coaster of things.
12:03
Speaker 1: And you know where he is right now. He's at
12:05
Speaker 1: home right now and waiting for some more tests and
12:10
Speaker 1: some surgery, and and that's where we are right He's
12:13
Speaker 1: not he's not in dire straits right now, but it's not.
12:17
Speaker 1: It's not great like there is. There are some challenges ahead.
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Speaker 1: And if the three people that listen to this who
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Speaker 1: know my parents maybe I don't know how many people
12:30
Speaker 1: that listen to this actually know my mum and dad,
12:32
Speaker 1: but but maybe don't ring them panic stricken. If you
12:36
Speaker 1: hear this and you don't already know this news, that'd
12:38
Speaker 1: be great. So let's let's not turn up the volume
12:42
Speaker 1: on the anxiety. And of course, in the middle of
12:45
Speaker 1: all of this, my mum, God bless my mum. My
12:50
Speaker 1: mum is a I love my dad, my Dad's a
12:55
Speaker 1: great guy. My mum is a spectacular human who is
12:58
Speaker 1: the world's best support system for my dad. And in
13:02
Speaker 1: the middle of you know that, and you remember, my
13:05
Speaker 1: dad is eighty six, by the way, my mom is
13:07
Speaker 1: eighty six in one month and one day from now
13:11
Speaker 1: December three, recording this November two, And you know, just
13:16
Speaker 1: of course the compassion for my dad that I have,
13:19
Speaker 1: and the care and concern, and me trying to be
13:23
Speaker 1: everything that I can be practically and emotionally and you know,
13:28
Speaker 1: medically and you know, psychologically, just to support him and
13:33
Speaker 1: them and then do what I can do and talk
13:36
Speaker 1: with doctors and organize things, but also you know, trying
13:41
Speaker 1: not to, like I said, turn up the volume on
13:45
Speaker 1: any anxiety or fear or stress or trauma in the
13:51
Speaker 1: middle of a traumatic situation. That is a challenge, isn't it.
13:55
Speaker 1: And so that whole kind of being the calm and
13:57
Speaker 1: the chaos. How do I how do I be this
14:01
Speaker 1: state of equanimity, How do I be that or how
14:04
Speaker 1: do I enter that state of equanimity? How do I
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Speaker 1: deal with hardshit and not fall apart? How do I
14:10
Speaker 1: manage me? So for me, you know, I'm very cognizant
14:14
Speaker 1: in those moments of what I need to be for now,
14:20
Speaker 1: and I've been in over my life. Whether or not
14:22
Speaker 1: it's good or bad, I think it's good or bad.
14:26
Speaker 1: I think it's definitely been super integral in shaping who
14:34
Speaker 1: I am and informing the person that I've become. In
14:38
Speaker 1: terms of me being able to deal with hard things,
14:40
Speaker 1: which is not say I can deal with anything. It's
14:42
Speaker 1: not say I always respond amazingly. I don't. But you know,
14:48
Speaker 1: being around people who have been in you know, really
14:52
Speaker 1: really dire straits, including my training partner who died in
14:55
Speaker 1: front of me in the gym, as all of you know,
14:57
Speaker 1: and many other things. And if you haven't heard that story,
15:01
Speaker 1: he ended up undying seventeen minutes later, just in case
15:05
Speaker 1: anyone just panicked. But that was an interesting day, and
15:08
Speaker 1: there's been a lot of interesting days like that, and
15:10
Speaker 1: so for me, it's been an interesting week. So let
15:14
Speaker 1: me just wrap up the Dad thing. So he's at
15:16
Speaker 1: home at the moment, he's with mum, he's medicated. There's
15:19
Speaker 1: a few things that need to be done and addressed,
15:23
Speaker 1: and you know, it's a really challenging and interesting time,
15:31
Speaker 1: but it is what it is. And so how do
15:36
Speaker 1: I and I just share this because maybe this is
15:39
Speaker 1: of interest to some of you. So what's my thinking
15:42
Speaker 1: and what's my strategy in the middle of all of that.
15:48
Speaker 1: So I try not to invest any energy in the
15:54
Speaker 1: things that I can't control. I try very hard. I'm
15:58
Speaker 1: pretty good at it. I try not to. You know,
16:04
Speaker 1: the other day I sat in the hospital for eight
16:06
Speaker 1: hours waiting to see a doctor, and then eight hours
16:09
Speaker 1: I didn't see a doctor. And the lovely nurse that
16:12
Speaker 1: was with us was who was with a million people
16:16
Speaker 1: and chiming in every now and then, but every time
16:18
Speaker 1: she was nothing but gracious and apologetic and helpful. But
16:23
Speaker 1: it's an overloaded system and it is what it is.
16:25
Speaker 1: And you know, for me, part of me was getting frustrated.
16:34
Speaker 1: I guess we could say, not really angry, a little
16:37
Speaker 1: bit angry, but not that anyone would know that, but
16:40
Speaker 1: being in the middle of you know, where there's somebody
16:43
Speaker 1: that you love that's suffering and we're trying to you know,
16:49
Speaker 1: and he's one of many people in that environment suffering
16:53
Speaker 1: and being able to try to be the best version
16:56
Speaker 1: of me for him, for Mum, for the people in
16:59
Speaker 1: that so that I'm not creating another problem, either for
17:04
Speaker 1: myself or for anyone in my vicinity. But I am
17:08
Speaker 1: hopefully the voice of reason and the emotional state of
17:13
Speaker 1: calm for people to be around. So I think these
17:17
Speaker 1: moments where it's like, for me, that was a real
17:21
Speaker 1: good test of self awareness and situational awareness and self
17:29
Speaker 1: control and self regulation. You know, as I said, it's
17:34
Speaker 1: like it's easy to be a superstar when everything's going good.
17:37
Speaker 1: Like what we kind of find out a lot about ourselves.
17:41
Speaker 1: I think when things are going shit, and you know,
17:46
Speaker 1: not that life is an ongoing personal development process, but
17:52
Speaker 1: I think all of us, well, I can't assume, but
17:57
Speaker 1: I might guess that a lot of you would like
18:02
Speaker 1: to be more resilient, or a lot of you would
18:04
Speaker 1: like to be able to manage fear and or anxiety
18:08
Speaker 1: more effectively, or to be able to be calm in
18:12
Speaker 1: a crisis, to be the person with the energy that
18:16
Speaker 1: people want to be around. You know, I've always loved
18:20
Speaker 1: the idea of people enjoying being around me, not for
18:25
Speaker 1: my ego, but just that like, oh I feel calm,
18:29
Speaker 1: or I feel good energy, or I feel safe or
18:33
Speaker 1: whatever it is when I'm with Craig. For me, that
18:36
Speaker 1: is like a massive compliment. And I think if we can,
18:40
Speaker 1: if we can be a person that people feel safe around,
18:43
Speaker 1: or comfortable around, or empowered to be around, that's a
18:47
Speaker 1: great thing. And so yeah, it's it's been an interesting
18:53
Speaker 1: it's been an interesting time. And in other news, my
19:00
Speaker 1: training partner, Christian again I can't can I say I
19:09
Speaker 1: think it? Yeah, I probably can't go too deep either,
19:13
Speaker 1: but shout out to him, love him. He's had some
19:16
Speaker 1: really big medical issues. So I trained with consistently with
19:22
Speaker 1: a few people, but the Crab Markers, my training partner
19:26
Speaker 1: that I've been training with forever, and Christian also trains
19:29
Speaker 1: with me a couple of times or a few times
19:32
Speaker 1: a week, along with Johnny, who I'll talk about Johnny
19:34
Speaker 1: in the moment. So Christian has had some really big
19:38
Speaker 1: challenges and has been hospitalized numerous times in the last
19:46
Speaker 1: actually that's not true twice once which was really really
19:52
Speaker 1: quite quite serious, very very very serious, and came out
19:58
Speaker 1: of hospital, had another, let's just say it, evental episode
20:02
Speaker 1: and was back in hospital, and even now things are
20:06
Speaker 1: still you know, he's improved, but you know, so there
20:10
Speaker 1: was that, and that's been going on, and I've been
20:12
Speaker 1: trying to be supportive to him. Johnny, who most of
20:15
Speaker 1: you know with Johnny is a really great friend of
20:19
Speaker 1: mine who had a massive accident seven or eight years
20:22
Speaker 1: ago now I think, and had a brain a brain injury,
20:26
Speaker 1: traumatic brain injury. He had a spinal cord injury. And
20:30
Speaker 1: I started working with him seven years ago, eight years ago.
20:33
Speaker 1: Sorry post all of that. He wasn't meant to in
20:37
Speaker 1: inverted commas, meant to live. He was meant, in inverted
20:41
Speaker 1: commas to be a quadriplegic. I started training him in
20:44
Speaker 1: a wheelchair, like I said, eight years ago, and he's
20:48
Speaker 1: been training with me ever since. And generally not right now,
20:52
Speaker 1: but generally he walks and he drives and he's walking
20:57
Speaker 1: is with sticks and it's not great. But for the
20:59
Speaker 1: guy who's going to be a quadriplegic, it's literally a miracle,
21:04
Speaker 1: if not a very very very big achievement. And Johnny,
21:11
Speaker 1: and this also happened in the last two weeks. For
21:14
Speaker 1: I'll give you a snapshot. He got to burn a
21:16
Speaker 1: bad burn on his leg, bad burn and because he
21:20
Speaker 1: has basically can't feel anything from the waist down because
21:23
Speaker 1: of his injury, he didn't know he was burned. They
21:27
Speaker 1: ended up doing a procedure on that to to move
21:33
Speaker 1: some of anyway, bottom line is he ended up needing
21:39
Speaker 1: multiple surgeries and a skin graft. He's now recovering from that.
21:43
Speaker 1: And this is on top of a million other issues
21:46
Speaker 1: that he has and limitations and restrictions and in constant pain.
21:51
Speaker 1: And you know, it's just like, I sometimes feel guilty
21:57
Speaker 1: that my life is so easy. But I think, you know,
22:05
Speaker 1: being around being around this stuff in the last week
22:10
Speaker 1: or two, and I'm always around people who are struggling,
22:13
Speaker 1: by the way, not always, but regularly, you know, being
22:18
Speaker 1: around people who have real adversity makes me realize I
22:22
Speaker 1: don't have adversity. It makes me realize I am I
22:26
Speaker 1: am fortunate, and I am blessed, and it gives me
22:31
Speaker 1: And this might sound cliche and some people might go, yeah, whatever,
22:34
Speaker 1: don't believe that's cool, but it genuinely gives me an
22:39
Speaker 1: ever present sense of gratitude and that my life is
22:44
Speaker 1: so comfortable, it is so easy that I don't have
22:50
Speaker 1: challenges like most or many people have challenges. And even
22:54
Speaker 1: the things that I would call problems or the things
22:56
Speaker 1: that I would call, you know, issues, are really in
23:00
Speaker 1: the context of what goes on in the world and
23:04
Speaker 1: in the context of what goes on for other people
23:07
Speaker 1: really really minimal. So, you know, being around all of
23:13
Speaker 1: the people that I've been around and intersecting, whether it
23:16
Speaker 1: was physically insecting or on the phone or online with
23:20
Speaker 1: people in the last week who are struggling, has given me.
23:24
Speaker 1: It gives me gratitude not only for who I am,
23:30
Speaker 1: or for how my life is and how comfortable and
23:33
Speaker 1: how blessed I am or fortunate I am pick your
23:37
Speaker 1: own word, but also to be able to support people
23:42
Speaker 1: who need support. A truly I think part of the
23:47
Speaker 1: part of the key to happiness is and this sounds cliche,
23:54
Speaker 1: but it's just I don't know a better term, right,
23:57
Speaker 1: so I'm going to say it, and I apologize for
23:59
Speaker 1: the cheese, but is to have a purpose bigger than me.
24:02
Speaker 1: And when I have that purpose bigger than me, when
24:07
Speaker 1: and yes, of course I have a business and I
24:09
Speaker 1: run workshops, and I write books, and I do podcasts,
24:12
Speaker 1: and I make money through sponsors and through charging. Yes,
24:16
Speaker 1: there's all of that, and there's so there's a of course,
24:19
Speaker 1: I do not deny there's a commercial reality to what
24:22
Speaker 1: I do. But away from that there's also stuff that
24:27
Speaker 1: I do that I don't talk about much or often
24:30
Speaker 1: or need to, that you know, has got nothing has
24:35
Speaker 1: got nothing to do with business, and nothing to do
24:37
Speaker 1: with money, and nothing to do with any commercial component
24:41
Speaker 1: of my existence on any level. And it's you know,
24:44
Speaker 1: this week, I've had also to two people who think about, okay,
24:53
Speaker 1: I'll just cut through the fucking smoke and mirrors. Two
24:55
Speaker 1: people who wanted to kill themselves. You don't know who
24:58
Speaker 1: they are, so I can talk about that too, who
25:01
Speaker 1: or at the very least, were talking about that out
25:06
Speaker 1: loud with me, and how that seemed to them to
25:12
Speaker 1: be potentially the best option moving forward. And obviously one
25:18
Speaker 1: of these was face to face one of these conversations.
25:21
Speaker 1: One of them has been back and forth on the phone.
25:28
Speaker 1: And you know, there's been times this week where I've
25:32
Speaker 1: been feeling or almost feeling a bit sorry for me,
25:37
Speaker 1: and then I would get a message or I would
25:39
Speaker 1: get a phone call, and you know, while feeling sorry
25:45
Speaker 1: for me in the context of what's going on to
25:47
Speaker 1: family and friends, you might go, well, Craig, don't be
25:50
Speaker 1: hard on yourself. It's okay to feel that way, And
25:53
Speaker 1: you're right, it is okay to feel that way. And
25:56
Speaker 1: I don't beat myself up for being sad or being worried,
25:59
Speaker 1: or being con or being a bit anxious about my
26:02
Speaker 1: I don't beat myself up at all about that. I'm
26:05
Speaker 1: not in denial. I'm not pretending that things are good
26:09
Speaker 1: when they're not good. But I'm very much and I
26:15
Speaker 1: don't know. This is not a suggestion or a strategy.
26:17
Speaker 1: By the way, don't do what I do. But what
26:20
Speaker 1: I do is who works for me? Is? I kind
26:24
Speaker 1: of ask myself, if not literally, then subconsciously, I ask
26:28
Speaker 1: myself this question, and it is, how do I need
26:31
Speaker 1: to be now for these people? How do I need
26:36
Speaker 1: to be this week? How do I need to be
26:37
Speaker 1: in this moment, this situation, this conversation, this phone call,
26:40
Speaker 1: this dialogue, this interaction at the cafe? How do I
26:45
Speaker 1: need to be to best help this person? What is
26:51
Speaker 1: the best use of me for them? What's in my control?
26:57
Speaker 1: What is not in my control? So I can't you know,
27:01
Speaker 1: it's Sunday, this all started a week, or I can't
27:04
Speaker 1: go back three weeks and kind of change the future,
27:08
Speaker 1: like I can't undo anything that's happened to me or
27:12
Speaker 1: around me in the last week or two. I can't
27:16
Speaker 1: change any of it. I can't click my fingers and
27:19
Speaker 1: my dad's not sick. I can't do that. I can't.
27:22
Speaker 1: I can't say three words and all of a sudden,
27:24
Speaker 1: these people are not suicidal. I can't make Johnny walk great.
27:28
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't bring Brat back, my friend's kid.
27:32
Speaker 1: I can't do any of that. I can't make Christian
27:35
Speaker 1: my training buddy. I can't. I can't fix his medical issues.
27:42
Speaker 1: And so what I do is I go, well, what
27:43
Speaker 1: can I do? How can I love them? How can
27:45
Speaker 1: I support them? And you know, do I ever get
27:51
Speaker 1: Do I ever find a bit of space and stillness
27:54
Speaker 1: and have have a moment? Of course I do, of
27:57
Speaker 1: course I do. Am I trying to, you know, bury
28:02
Speaker 1: it all under, bury all of my feelings and emotions
28:06
Speaker 1: and reactions under a fucking pile of manliness. No, I'm
28:09
Speaker 1: definitely not. I'm acknowledging what I feel. I'm feeling what
28:13
Speaker 1: I feel. But in the moment, I'm not letting those
28:17
Speaker 1: feelings or those emotions hijack the moment. I'm not letting
28:22
Speaker 1: them hijack what needs to be done and how I
28:25
Speaker 1: need to practically navigate certain situations and conversations and interactions
28:32
Speaker 1: with people. Is this a suggestion from me to you? No,
28:35
Speaker 1: it's not. And so, like I said this at the start, this,
28:40
Speaker 1: I don't know whether or not there's any value in
28:42
Speaker 1: this for you, but maybe this is a little bit therapeutic,
28:46
Speaker 1: as I said, But for me, this is really just
28:50
Speaker 1: me thinking out loud about what's been going on this week.
28:56
Speaker 1: And I think, you know, through the middle of or
29:00
Speaker 1: in the middle of all of this, just trying to
29:08
Speaker 1: find moments where I am hitting the pause button, getting
29:13
Speaker 1: away from all of the stuff, all of the conversations
29:16
Speaker 1: and all of the interactions, all the people, just for
29:18
Speaker 1: a moment and going all right, am I looking after me?
29:23
Speaker 1: Am I looking after me? In the middle of all
29:24
Speaker 1: of this? Am I sleeping? Okay? Am I doing whatever
29:27
Speaker 1: I can physically, mentally, emotionally, you know? Am I doing
29:31
Speaker 1: what I need to do? The other day, I was
29:34
Speaker 1: sitting with my dad in hospital, and I'd been sitting
29:39
Speaker 1: there for hours and hours and hours, and in the
29:46
Speaker 1: upcoming hour there was nothing, to my knowledge and awareness,
29:51
Speaker 1: there was nothing that was going to happen. Particularly, there
29:54
Speaker 1: was nothing I could do. He was sitting there with Mum,
29:57
Speaker 1: and so I just nicked off and there was a
30:01
Speaker 1: gym about eight minutes away from where I was. I
30:03
Speaker 1: went to the gym, I lifted some heavy shit for
30:09
Speaker 1: forty five minutes. I may or may not have had
30:13
Speaker 1: a little sniffle or a little fucking moment. I may
30:15
Speaker 1: or may not have, you know. And I just got
30:19
Speaker 1: by myself and I got in my happy place, and
30:22
Speaker 1: I took a breath, and I took a moment, and
30:26
Speaker 1: I controlled my controllables, and I did something which is
30:31
Speaker 1: good for my body, which is good for my brain,
30:33
Speaker 1: which is good for my mind, which is good for
30:35
Speaker 1: my emotions, which is good for my nervous system. I
30:39
Speaker 1: had little forty five minute pattern interrupted in the middle
30:42
Speaker 1: of the mayhem, and I went back and I literally,
30:46
Speaker 1: although nothing had changed, I had changed, situation hadn't changed.
30:52
Speaker 1: It was status quo. I felt I felt better. I
30:58
Speaker 1: was going to say I felt huntbsent better. That's probably lie,
31:00
Speaker 1: but I don't know. But I felt a lot better.
31:04
Speaker 1: And what that meant was that just gave me more
31:07
Speaker 1: capacity to be better for them. I think in the
31:11
Speaker 1: middle of adversity, in the middle of the the crap
31:15
Speaker 1: that comes, the shit week, the shit day, the shit whatever.
31:19
Speaker 1: It's important that you and I still look after ourselves,
31:26
Speaker 1: not because we're selfish, not because we don't care about others,
31:31
Speaker 1: but because the better that you look after you in
31:34
Speaker 1: the middle of the mess and the mayhem and the
31:36
Speaker 1: sadness and the uncertainty, The better that you look after you,
31:40
Speaker 1: The better that you manage your brain and your mind
31:43
Speaker 1: and your emotions and your body and your energy. The
31:46
Speaker 1: better that you do that. You know what I'm going
31:47
Speaker 1: to say, because you know me, you know me, you
31:50
Speaker 1: know I'm going to say, the better you're going to
31:52
Speaker 1: be for everyone else. And that's that's not theory, that's
31:56
Speaker 1: fucking reality. Just if if if you go into any
32:00
Speaker 1: stressful situation and before you even get in the situation
32:05
Speaker 1: you're a two out of ten, well, how helpful can
32:08
Speaker 1: you be to those people? If you're physically, mentally, emotionally
32:13
Speaker 1: operating in a two. It's very hard for you to
32:15
Speaker 1: pull a seven out of your ars and be fucking
32:17
Speaker 1: Captain fantastic. If I get too scientific at any stage,
32:21
Speaker 1: let me know, but you know what I'm saying, and
32:25
Speaker 1: sometimes you know, looking after ourselves, if you're a good person,
32:32
Speaker 1: if you're a compassionate person. If you're a I love
32:36
Speaker 1: people lots and want to help people person, and you
32:40
Speaker 1: have empathy and you have awareness, and you have compassion,
32:44
Speaker 1: and you are one of the people who has a
32:48
Speaker 1: purpose of serving, and then you're going to feel guilty
32:51
Speaker 1: because you're a good person. You're going to feel guilty
32:54
Speaker 1: looking after you. And I'm going to say to you
32:59
Speaker 1: that guilt is admirable in a way because it means
33:04
Speaker 1: you care. It's kind of noble because it means you care.
33:08
Speaker 1: It means you're a decent human. But it's completely fucking ineffective.
33:13
Speaker 1: So fuck that guilty. Feel what you feel, but do
33:17
Speaker 1: the thing that's going to look after you. Do the
33:19
Speaker 1: things that are going to help you be the best
33:21
Speaker 1: version of you, so you can be the best version
33:24
Speaker 1: of you for them. I might go and have a
33:32
Speaker 1: BEX and I lie down, as Mary says, I don't
33:34
Speaker 1: know what a bes is? What is a bex? Does
33:37
Speaker 1: anyone know? Anyway? Everybody, let's hope that this week. This
33:44
Speaker 1: is coming out on Monday, November three. For those of
33:50
Speaker 1: you who listen to this down the track as I
33:54
Speaker 1: record it Sunday November two, It's coming out tomorrow. Monday.
33:58
Speaker 1: I hope for those of you who hear this early
34:00
Speaker 1: in the week that this is a good week for you.
34:02
Speaker 1: And if I hope also that if it's not such
34:04
Speaker 1: a good week or you're not having such a good day,
34:07
Speaker 1: I hope that you got some value from this. Yeah,
34:13
Speaker 1: I think this is you know, this is the deal,
34:15
Speaker 1: isn't it. It's not getting on here every day just
34:17
Speaker 1: go on. Life's amazing, You're amazing. But it's part of that.
34:20
Speaker 1: But it's also like, yeah, guess what, Sometimes it sucks,
34:23
Speaker 1: sometimes things aren't great, but it's it's important that we
34:28
Speaker 1: try to, you know, be the best we can in
34:32
Speaker 1: the middle of all of the ship that that isn't great.
34:35
Speaker 1: And if we have a day where we're we're off,
34:38
Speaker 1: or we're flat, or we're not producing good outcomes or
34:42
Speaker 1: we're not being the person that we want to be,
34:44
Speaker 1: then that's okay as well. That's called being human. See
34:49
Speaker 1: next time.