Latest / Coffee and Bible Time Podcast / Navigating Love, Longing, & Relationships as a Christian | Taylor Krause

Transcript

Navigating Love, Longing, & Relationships as a Christian | Taylor Krause · Coffee and Bible Time Podcast

• 1:01
  Ellen: At the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
• 1:03
  Ellen: our goal is to help you delight in God's Word and thrive in Christian living.
• 1:07
  Ellen: Each week, we talk to subject matter experts who broaden your biblical understanding, encourage you in hard times and provide life-building tips to enhance your Christian walk.
• 1:18
  Ellen: We are so glad you have joined us,
• 1:24
  Ellen: H Hi, and welcome back to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
• 1:29
  Ellen: This is Ellen, your host, and today I have with me Taylor.
• 1:34
  Ellen: Welcome, Taylor.
• 1:36
  Ellen: In today's episode, Taylor and I are going to be getting real about relationships.
• 1:43
  Ellen: We're going to talk about sharing the biggest lessons that God has taught us through dating heartbreak and growth, from mistakes that we've made to truths in scripture that have helped shaped our hearts
• 1:58
  Ellen: .
• 1:59
  Ellen: This is Y eah going to be a conversation about love, faith and trusting God through it all.
• 2:09
  Ellen: There may be some college of you out there who are wondering about finding that special one, or wondering if your relationship is headed in the right direction.
• 2:17
  Ellen: Well then, this episode is for you.
• 2:19
  Ellen: We'll talk about navigating new relationships, spotting red flags and the things no one told us about.
• 2:27
  Ellen: In engagement, in marriage, relationships aren't easy, but they're often where we grow the most.
• 2:35
  Ellen: So, whether you're dating, engaged, married or would like to be, we are so glad that you're here.
• 2:42
  Ellen: Grab a cup of coffee and come join us.
• 2:45
  Ellen: Well, Tay, let's start out by sharing just a little bit about some of our own personal experiences.
• 2:55
  Ellen: Why don't you give us just a snapshot of what your relationship experiences have been?
• 3:01
  Taylor: We, yeah, that's a great question.
• 3:04
  Taylor: So I was single all the way up through when I went to college.
• 3:11
  Taylor: I was single my freshman year.
• 3:12
  Taylor: .
• 3:12
  Taylor: .
• 3:12
  Taylor: I think the first guy I ever dated was in my sophomore year.
• 3:15
  Taylor: I want to say.
• 3:17
  Taylor: I wasn't desperate to find somebody in high school.
• 3:20
  Taylor: I think I did always have the mentality of like you kind.
• 4:19
  Taylor: of But date for marriage and I just didn't want to mess with, you know, potentially going through heartbreak.
• 3:29
  Taylor: Also, on the flip side of that coin, I was definitely insecure and I've talked about this in some YouTube videos.
• 3:34
  Taylor: I think I was insecure of my body and you know what I had to offer a relationship.
• 3:39
  Taylor: So that also kind of kept me from really putting myself out there, if I'm being honest.
• 3:43
  Taylor: But in college the first guy I dated, just for a couple months, didn't work out and I learned a lot from that relationship.
• 3:53
  Taylor: And then the second person that I dated many of you guys know, Isaac.
• 3:58
  Taylor: we dated for a period of time.
• 4:01
  Taylor: We definitely, I think, fell in love very quickly.
• 4:05
  Taylor: We look back and we're like, wow, we maybe were a little too head over heels at first.
• 4:11
  Taylor: I know that there were times that Ashley would be like, okay, Taylor, you are yap, yap yapping away about Isaac.
• 4:18
  Taylor: You need to talk about some other things ut we totally fell in love quickly and then we had a period of time where we took a break.
• 4:26
  Taylor: We kay, had aw, a breakup and that was scary.
• 4:29
  Taylor: It definitely felt threatening to our relationship and God really used that time apart to work on us individually.
• 4:36
  Taylor: We came back together and it was like God had redeemed so many broken parts within us individually" and brought us together.
• 4:46
  Taylor: Not to say that we are at all perfect, but there were so many areas of our relationship that God really poured his love and his grace into and showed us how to forgive each other, showed us how to forgive ourselves and how to really move forward and take that step into commitment.
• 5:07
  Taylor: So that's where I'm at.
• 5:08
  Taylor: I'm engaged, I'm going to be getting married, I am very excited about that and that's kind of a snapshot of my dating experience.
• 5:17
  Ellen: O, Aw, and it's been so exciting to watch your journey with Isaac along the way.
• 5:23
  Ellen: I mean, I was in the room when you got that first text from him where he said "great job on your new music video that you released.
• 5:35
  Taylor: Which is so funny.
• 5:36
  Taylor: Yeah, but really swee t.
• 5:45
  Ellen: But he said that he had zero intentions at that time.
• 5:47
  Ellen: wh c y
• 5:47
  Ellen: He was just really as being part of the video team, right, h h
• 5:49
  Taylor: He was just like he was just being a nice guy, and I think that really stood out to me with him, because I feel like a lot of the guys that I've interacted with are just and I'm not saying all men are like this, but kind of snarky, sarcastic.
• 6:04
  Taylor: They were not sensitive like I was.
• 6:08
  Taylor: I felt like Isaac met me with sensitivity and was emotionally available and interested in me for who I am.
• 6:17
  Taylor: Tell us about your journey, though.
• 6:20
  Taylor: What was your dating life like?
• 6:23
  Ellen: Well, let's just say, let me start out by saying I was not a believer in high school or college, so my relationships, I would say, were a hot mess.
• 6:35
  Ellen: I was just not seeking the right things and I think I was really looking for comfort in a relationship and, honestly, it was like mostly people who had reached out to me and I think what I have learned, you know.
• 6:56
  Ellen: And then, of course, I met your dad in college and even he and I had our time together and then we had a breakup as well and then came back together.
• 7:06
  Ellen: But it was really after I became a believer, when we were married, that I began to understand that this marriage is not about a cure for loneliness, right, it's about Christ using this relationship between him and I to mold and shape each one of us to be more like him
• 7:34
  Taylor: Beautiful
• 7:35
  Ellen: .
• 7:35
  Ellen: Well, we're going to kind of dive into some of the big lessons that we've learned through our relationships.
• 7:44
  Ellen: So, Tay, let's start out with your first big lesson that you've learned.
• 7:49
  Ellen: ,
• 7:49
  Taylor: Mm-hmm.
• 7:51
  Taylor: "Trust
• 7:51
  Taylor: Yeah.
• 7:52
  Taylor: So I love this scripture.
• 7:55
  Taylor: Proverbs 3, 5 through 6 says Proverbs 3, 5 through 6 says Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
• 8:06
  Taylor: In all your ways, submit to him and he will make your path straight.
• 8:11
  Taylor: I love this verse because I think it really can teach a lot to a single person, and I'm going to speak obviously this is my personal experience.
• 8:26
  Taylor: 'God"
• 8:26
  Taylor: But I think as a single person, it's hard to believe that God's timing is better than our own and it's hard to sometimes believe that God does have timing for relationships when you're single, because it's like, uh, hello, I mean, I really have this godly desire to be in a relationship.
• 8:46
  Taylor: Not a single guy is even looking my way and I remember in high school, in college, so many of my friends that I perceived to be so beautiful, so lovable, kind of have the it factor.
• 8:59
  Taylor: We're really being pursued by guys and I was like am I invisible?
• 9:05
  Taylor: You know, nobody's even looking at me.
• 9:08
  Taylor: It's like God.
• 9:09
  Taylor: I want to feel confident about my beauty and to lean not on my own understanding.
• 9:28
  Taylor: And I'm going to really lean in to that section where it says lean not on your own understanding, because I think, when you're single, you kind of are wrestling with so many thoughts about your identity.
• 9:44
  Taylor: You're wrestling with so much I might even say unbelief, that the Lord has a plan for you and in our own limited, finite understanding we try to grasp at straws to figure out why we're single, and a lot of single women can relate to this.
• 10:04
  Taylor: You're blaming the way that you look.
• 10:07
  Taylor: Well, I must not be beautiful, I must just be really ugly because nobody's dating me.
• 10:12
  Taylor: Well, I must not have a good personality, I must be really awkward, I must.
• 10:16
  Taylor: You know, guys just might not like me.
• 10:19
  Taylor: I remember growing up there was a friend that I had, that you know was talking to me and she said you know, guys just might not like me.
• 10:21
  Taylor: I remember growing up there was a friend that I had, that that you know was talking to me and she said you know, taylor, you're pretty, but just not the kind of pretty that boys like.
• 10:29
  Taylor: And I know here's the thing.
• 10:32
  Taylor: I'm not saying that as a sob story, but little, little pieces like that along the way.
• 10:38
  Taylor: When you grow up, little lies you start to really grasp onto.
• 10:43
  Taylor: That becomes the way you understand the world, and the Bible's telling us to flip this on our head.
• 10:50
  Taylor: Yes, your experiences really shape the way you see things, and don't neglect that.
• 10:55
  Taylor: But you have to be willing to let your mind be renewed by God's word, and part of that renewing is believing God.
• 11:04
  Taylor: I believe that if I submit to you, if I abide in you, if I really try to love you with all my heart, you will make my path straight, in whatever way that is.
• 11:16
  Taylor: And I challenge women who are single and I challenge women who are single to trust in God's timing, to also trust that God is good, whether you're single or whether you're with somebody, because I'm just saying this.
• 11:30
  Taylor: When I was single, I had people come up to me and tell me God's going to bring you somebody one day, like they were essentially promising to me on behalf of God that God was going to bring me somebody.
• 11:39
  Taylor: This is the reality, ladies.
• 11:42
  Taylor: There is no promise in scripture that you are going to have a spouse, and I know that that is a tough pill to swallow for a lot of us that are just true diehard fans of love and rom-coms and we want that for ourselves.
• 11:56
  Taylor: But it challenges us to see God as who he is, the one in control, and to challenge ourselves, to trust the one in control and to not try to scheme and think that we know what's best for our lives when we don't Right.
• 12:16
  Ellen: So really, the big lesson here for you is God's timing.
• 12:20
  Ellen: It's better than our timing.
• 12:22
  Ellen: We need to trust in his plan and submit to his timing.
• 12:26
  Ellen: Yes, yeah, that's awesome.
• 12:28
  Ellen: Well, another big lesson for me is that our worth isn't defined by a relationship, and wow, do I wish I had known that years ago.
• 12:41
  Ellen: But you know, hindsight is 2020.
• 12:47
  Ellen: And now, looking at that and learning so much more about being a Christ follower, it's really understanding that our identity is not in our relationship status, whatever that might be, whether it's single, married, divorced, widowed.
• 13:05
  Ellen: Your identity is only through Christ, and we are reminded about that in Ephesians and Colossians, which tells us that when you're in Christ, you are chosen, you are loved, you are redeemed, you are fully known by him and you know a spouse can be a beautiful gift, but we really need to remember it's God that completes us.
• 13:34
  Ellen: Our worth is not determined by the ring on the finger, but by his nail scarred hands that redeemed you.
• 13:44
  Ellen: That is so important.
• 13:46
  Ellen: I do think that it is totally okay, it's very normal and good to desire marriage, but it becomes dangerous when it overshadows our love for Christ.
• 14:01
  Ellen: So you really need to ask yourself if God called me to singleness for a season, or even for life, would he still be enough?
• 14:10
  Ellen: And I know that that's not an easy question, but if you take time to think about it, it's one that can really help purify your heart and center your desires more on him.
• 14:27
  Ellen: And the other thing I would say is that you know, if you are in search of the one, use this season that God has for you.
• 14:40
  Ellen: Well, singleness isn't just this waiting room or where you're just mindlessly sitting and waiting.
• 14:50
  Ellen: No, it's a mission field, and Paul even calls it a gift in 1 Corinthians 7.
• 14:57
  Ellen: So, during this time when you are single, you have more energy, you have more time.
• 15:05
  Ellen: You can focus now on doing things that you might not be able to do or have time for when you are in marriage.
• 15:12
  Ellen: You have great opportunities that you can serve others, you can grow, you can deepen your walk with the Lord.
• 15:19
  Ellen: You can even travel and do things that you might not be able to do.
• 15:23
  Ellen: So I would just encourage people to deepen their walk with Jesus and just let him use this season of your life that you're in to form you into the person that he's calling you to be, and sort of let go and let God.
• 15:42
  Ellen: Yeah, mm-hmm.
• 15:43
  Ellen: Simple, but profound Mm-hmm.
• 15:47
  Ellen: Okay, taylor, how about you?
• 15:49
  Ellen: What's your next big lesson?
• 15:52
  Taylor: So I would say my next lesson is that red flags are real and the Holy Spirit is going to work in you to see those.
• 16:06
  Taylor: Now I'm going to be honest I don't love the term red flags, and I say that because I think a lot of and maybe I'm viewing this not in the way that most people do, but I think in our cancel culture, that canceling of people when you see the broken side of them can kind of creep into relationships and we use the term red flag to kind of ostracize somebody for being human.
• 16:38
  Taylor: Granted, there are issues that should not be ignored, but I don't think that we should label somebody as a red flag, which I think a lot of Christian women do.
• 16:47
  Taylor: It's just like, oh, they as a red flag, which I think a lot of Christian women do, it's just like, oh, they're a red flag, this red flag.
• 16:52
  Taylor: You know what.
• 16:53
  Taylor: We're all broken and we all need to be redeemed and saved by Christ.
• 16:56
  Taylor: But, with that being said, the Holy Spirit will still convict you about areas in your relationship and areas about your partner, future partner, whoever you're wanting to be with.
• 17:10
  Taylor: That needs to be addressed.
• 17:12
  Taylor: And, from my experiences, I'll give a couple in my dating life, and the first one is when you idolize your partner.
• 17:22
  Taylor: It can go either way.
• 17:24
  Taylor: This needs to be quote unquote a red flag that you need to see within yourself, probably your partner too.
• 17:32
  Taylor: But when you've been really looking forward to being in a relationship and then you're finally in one man, is it the easiest thing in the world to idolize your partner?
• 17:42
  Taylor: You see them through the rosiest rose colored glasses there ever was.
• 17:47
  Taylor: See them through the rosiest rose colored glasses there ever was.
• 17:52
  Taylor: Let's just say your walk with the Lord is going to be taken the back burner.
• 17:54
  Taylor: Your relationships with your community back burner.
• 17:58
  Taylor: Your time for your work, your schoolwork back burner.
• 18:02
  Taylor: All these other things get replaced by your love or obsession of your partner, and I struggled with that with Isaac.
• 18:10
  Taylor: That was one of the red flags I found within myself.
• 18:13
  Taylor: Once we took time to break up, I was like okay, taylor, you were expecting to find a lot of your love, value, attention, security, significance in Isaac and that pressure, I'm telling you your partner can feel that pressure if you are putting it on them to really fulfill all of those needs that you expected a partner would.
• 18:36
  Taylor: It's a red flag you have to look out for in yourself and also, potentially, your partner.
• 18:44
  Taylor: And then the other red flag that I have is if you struggle to connect spiritually with your partner.
• 18:50
  Taylor: Now I'm going to give myself grace on this one, because when I was first starting my relationship with Isaac, we struggled to connect in in a lot of areas, basically because I had never really connected on a deeper level with a guy before, and so when I was starting to share all these deep feelings with Isaac I mean, this is new territory, I'm not used to talking to a guy and my faith being the most important thing about me it was hard to communicate that in a way where it resonated with him and we kind of had our own different ways of relating and connecting to God, that when we came together, it was difficult to fully understand each other.
• 19:31
  Taylor: And the red flag that comes with that is if you, if you're struggling to connect spiritually and so you're constantly pushing spiritual conversations aside, you're not wanting to bring the Lord into the troubled areas of your relationship, you're not wanting God to be be Lord over your relationship, you're not wanting God to be Lord over your relationship, you're not spending time with each other in prayer.
• 19:51
  Taylor: And this is one of the big lessons that Isaac and I learned when we came back together, after we had broken up, we told each other man, an area that we really needed to work on and address in our relationship was connecting spiritually, and so when we came back together, we were like we need to prioritize this.
• 20:13
  Taylor: This can't be something that's you know that we're just going to get to later.
• 20:18
  Taylor: We're going to get to later.
• 20:19
  Taylor: No, we've found ways to pray with each other every single day, to have those spiritual conversations with each other in a natural way.
• 20:26
  Taylor: Have those spiritual conversations with each other in a natural way, and I'm just so thankful that I waited for God to water the seeds that was there in our relationship.
• 20:34
  Taylor: I don't think you need to put pressure on your relationship to, you know, be the most spiritually deep as soon as you start dating, like, give yourself time to open up, give yourself time to share how God has worked in your lives, but make sure that over time, you are letting God be the center of your relationship.
• 20:54
  Taylor: What do you think about what I just said, mom?
• 20:56
  Taylor: I'm curious.
• 20:56
  Taylor: Did that make sense?
• 20:59
  Ellen: Oh, it completely makes sense and I think even for your dad and I, I mean, that's something that has taken many years to grow, develop, and I love you know we've had different things at our church, like marriage events, being in a small group together.
• 21:19
  Ellen: I think it's really a lifelong journey.
• 21:24
  Ellen: It is You're each growing separately, but you're also growing together.
• 21:30
  Taylor: Right.
• 21:30
  Taylor: You're each running your own race and I like that.
• 21:33
  Taylor: Somebody told me once when you go before the Lord, when your life is done and passed and you're meeting the Lord for the first time, you are meeting him alone.
• 21:43
  Taylor: You have to nurture and pour into your own spiritual relationship with the Lord.
• 21:48
  Taylor: You don't want to neglect that.
• 21:50
  Taylor: But with that being said, you can't make your spiritual life just revolve around you and your partner.
• 22:01
  Taylor: You need to have that solid foundation on your own, and coming together is going to take some work to bring that together and to have that deep, close relationship with God.
• 22:13
  Taylor: And I will say that isn't the case for everybody Some people that that clicks right away.
• 22:17
  Taylor: Like you said with you mom, you guys weren't believers when you first got married, so that took time to develop and with Isaac and I, by the time we get married it'll be three years and throughout those three years we really had to work at figuring out how we can beautifully marry our personal relationships with the Lord together.
• 23:04
  Ellen: Well, let's move on to sort of our last big lesson here, and that is understanding that relationships between man and wife are meant you to really think about this verse as I read it, to better put yourself in a position to understand how God uses these characteristics to grow us so and in fact when I read it to myself I was like, oh okay, I'm not that good at that.
• 23:29
  Ellen: I'm not that good at that, but here we go.
• 23:31
  Ellen: Love is patient and kind.
• 23:36
  Ellen: Love does not envy or boast.
• 23:40
  Ellen: It is not arrogant or rude.
• 23:44
  Ellen: It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful.
• 23:53
  Ellen: It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
• 23:59
  Ellen: Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
• 24:07
  Ellen: Love never ends.
• 24:11
  Ellen: This passage is one that when dad and I got married again not being a believer but I was raised in a Christian home, so I had like all of that background and understanding this is something that I actually I'm embroidered the scripture verse had it framed and gave it to him as a gift, and now I look back at it and it has profoundly more meaning now than it did then and I think for me, really, it shows me how much that I need to self-sacrifice, how much I need to think of the other person, how I need to model Jesus in forgiveness, and that has at times been very hard for me to do.
• 24:59
  Ellen: I know a person about who I am and being real about who I am, understanding my own faults and recognizing and allowing God to grow me in those areas, because if I don't admit them, if I don't allow my spouse to call me out on them, then I'm not going to grow Right.
• 25:33
  Ellen: So in order for me to grow and reflect Christ's love, I need to be willing to submit in those areas.
• 25:43
  Taylor: Yeah, and I was actually going to say just to kind of tie in my last point with this connecting spiritually with your partner requires humility.
• 25:52
  Taylor: It requires, like what you said, mom, to take the plank out of your own eye, see the ways that God wants to work on you and then come together with your partner, you know, wanting to be like Jesus for them, believing the best and wanting to be open about what God is teaching them in their lives, instead of coming in with this prideful arrogance of well, I know so much about the Bible.
• 26:19
  Taylor: You know God has done so much in my life.
• 26:22
  Taylor: God really speaks to me, but does he?
• 26:25
  Taylor: Is God really working in your life?
• 26:26
  Taylor: Because I see all these faults.
• 26:28
  Taylor: You know which is really easy to do in a relationship to be like.
• 26:31
  Taylor: I see all these areas that you're having to work on and there's a lot of sin in your life.
• 26:36
  Taylor: You know I must be a better Christian.
• 26:40
  Taylor: It's just it's so easy to get a warped idea that you don't have a plank in your eye when you do.
• 26:47
  Taylor: Something that Isaac calls me out a lot for in our relationship is be like Taylor.
• 26:53
  Taylor: You have some hypocrisy.
• 26:56
  Taylor: You can be a little bit of a hypocrite because I'll call him out left and right this and that and he'll be like Taylor, you do the same thing and he slows me down.
• 27:07
  Taylor: He gives me time to reflect and I'm like, okay, I do have a plank in my own eye.
• 27:14
  Taylor: I have a hard time saying sorry, that's pride, right in a relationship, I do too.
• 27:24
  Taylor: Pride.
• 27:26
  Taylor: Arrogance, not believing the best about your partner those can all keep you from really connecting on a deeper spiritual level and that has to be nurtured.
• 27:38
  Taylor: And the way you kind of nurture that spiritual connection is by what you said, mom, in 1 Corinthians 13, 4, 8, meditating on what God says love is and trying to model what Christ has done.
• 27:59
  Ellen: Yeah, I have a silly example of this from last night.
• 28:01
  Ellen: It's kind of funny because maybe like a week or so ago, we signed up for this event with our church and all church events serve at Feed my Starving Children and so I asked dad if he wanted to do it and he's like, okay, yeah, so I signed us both up.
• 28:14
  Ellen: Well, little did we know at the time we signed up for the time slot that was during the NCAA final basketball game.
• 28:26
  Ellen: So dad texted me in the morning.
• 28:28
  Ellen: It was like I really want to watch the game instead of going to this thing we signed up for.
• 28:37
  Ellen: So in my mind I was like, oh, you know, it can go one of two ways.
• 28:45
  Ellen: I can either just let it go and just go myself, yeah, or I can get angry.
• 28:53
  Ellen: I can recognize that this is important to him, all these things.
• 28:59
  Ellen: And so I really intentionally was like, okay, you know what, I'm just going to let him make that decision.
• 29:07
  Ellen: I'm not going to, so anyway.
• 29:10
  Taylor: Try to control your partner.
• 29:12
  Ellen: Yes, yes, yes.
• 29:13
  Ellen: So he gets home and he's like sweetie, it's fine, I do want to go to this with you.
• 29:21
  Ellen: He goes, I can catch up on the game after.
• 29:25
  Ellen: And, sure enough, we both went to the event.
• 29:27
  Ellen: It ended by halftime and we got to see the whole rest of the game, which was crazy good you want to see, yeah, yeah.
• 29:37
  Taylor: So it was like a win, win Right, autonomy to make his own decision, and your guys' spiritual connection and growth was fostered by not coming at him with condemnation or with pride or with judgment.
• 29:57
  Taylor: And I think that that is I'm saying from my perspective.
• 29:59
  Taylor: That is hard to do.
• 30:01
  Taylor: Women we try to control, men do too, but I'm speaking as a woman.
• 30:06
  Taylor: We can try to control, okay, especially in relationships.
• 30:10
  Taylor: It's tough.
• 30:11
  Taylor: Ashley talks about it too.
• 30:13
  Taylor: If Ashley was here, I know she would unmute herself and be like let me just talk about my experience.
• 30:21
  Ellen: Is there anything?
• 30:22
  Ellen: You know, looking back now, that you earlier.
• 30:29
  Taylor: Well, one of those is don't try to control who you're dating, because, first of all, you shouldn't try to control anybody.
• 30:39
  Taylor: I don't know where we get in our minds that we have that right to do that.
• 30:44
  Taylor: Kind of gently encouraging somebody or sharpening them is different than trying to control, and I think sometimes we can conflate the two and you really want to encourage somebody, sharpen them, but it's not the same thing as controlling.
• 31:02
  Taylor: You can't control your partner.
• 31:04
  Taylor: You also can't play the role of the Holy Spirit in their lives.
• 31:07
  Taylor: Play the role of the Holy Spirit in their lives, which is tough.
• 31:10
  Taylor: If you are somebody who you know really has a strong moral compass, that's kind of tough to let people make their own decisions and to let God convict them and to let Jesus take the wheel and not control what your partner wants to do in their life.
• 31:32
  Taylor: Control will not help a situation.
• 31:33
  Taylor: Let me just tell you that I wish I could tell myself that Let go, let God.
• 31:38
  Taylor: Like you said, mom.
• 31:39
  Taylor: So simple, slightly cheesy but true.
• 31:43
  Taylor: And then I would also say don't run away when hardship comes.
• 31:47
  Taylor: I think that when you're first starting to date, it can be easy to get really scared.
• 31:54
  Taylor: When you're starting to argue and these differences are coming up and it can be really easy to be like, oh, I want to throw it in the towel now because this relationship isn't fun anymore.
• 32:08
  Taylor: It's not.
• 32:09
  Taylor: You know, all these rainbows, cupcakes, butterflies, rose colored glasses.
• 32:14
  Taylor: When you start seeing the broken parts of people, that's when the real relationship begins.
• 32:22
  Taylor: That's when you really have the opportunity to see if you want to love them like Christ would, and you're not bound to be with somebody you're dating forever.
• 32:34
  Taylor: Like, don't mistake me on that.
• 32:37
  Taylor: If you're dating somebody and it's a bad relationship, be honest about that.
• 32:41
  Taylor: Don't feel the need to marry the first person you date.
• 32:44
  Taylor: But I would challenge those of you that have found somebody that you would consider you love to not throw in the towel when the going gets tough and to ask the Lord to give you strength to push through some of those difficult times and see the beauty of how love can redeem broken parts of your relationship, and forgiveness is key to that.
• 33:08
  Taylor: What would you say, mom?
• 33:10
  Taylor: What did you wish you knew earlier?
• 33:14
  Ellen: Well, I think one of the biggest mistakes that I made early in our marriage was the control one and this sort of clinginess, this I want him all to myself.
• 33:32
  Ellen: I find that I was just.
• 33:36
  Ellen: This was going to be my companion, that was going to be with me every minute of every day and um, I struggled with that too.
• 33:59
  Ellen: Yeah, so I think learning from that is just recognizing.
• 34:06
  Ellen: You know that, that God has called them to be the provider, Mm-hmm.
• 34:10
  Ellen: Um and that has called them to be the provider.
• 34:12
  Taylor: And that marriage isn't your cure for loneliness.
• 34:15
  Ellen: Yes, yes, yeah, that one was was really big.
• 34:21
  Taylor: Yeah.
• 34:21
  Taylor: So I also wanted to say before we close out because I realized that I missed this point earlier we were going to touch a little bit on boundaries and I know that some of you who are listening to this are probably curious about boundaries in relationships or, you know, struggling with that aspect.
• 34:40
  Taylor: If you're dating, or wanting to be dating, or in a season leading up to marriage, leading up to marriage, and I wanted to just say that if you are in a relationship, you can probably I would say this as honestly as a piece of advice to expect to struggle with boundaries sexually with your partner.
• 35:03
  Taylor: Don't assume, don't go in with naivety, that you know nothing could ever happen if you aren't.
• 35:11
  Taylor: You know weary of that, but also don't go into it with this feeling of if you mess up then you're too far gone.
• 35:23
  Taylor: Obviously you want to, with honesty, integrity and to honor your body as a temple.
• 35:31
  Taylor: It's the Lord's.
• 35:32
  Taylor: Until you get married, god calls us to honor our bodies and to not give yourself away sexually by having sex I'm just being blunt until you're married, and I think that there's a lot of women that struggle with a lot of shame because you feel broken sexually before you're married and maybe you feel like God sees you as too far gone and that's a lie from the enemy.
• 36:00
  Taylor: Nobody is perfectly pure before the Lord, and you just have to hear that and see that and believe that it is only Christ and his grace and his mercy that makes anybody pure.
• 36:12
  Taylor: Whether you've struggled, whether you haven't, whether you're on a journey, it's Christ that makes us holy, it's not of ourselves, and so know that Christ wants to walk with you and your partner in figuring out boundaries and working through mistakes, and know that you aren't a big giant failure for going through mistakes.
• 36:39
  Taylor: Okay, most people have gone through it and probably just aren't speaking up about it because there's a lot of shame around the topic.
• 36:45
  Taylor: But I will say, with boundaries, that it's hard, and my encouragement would be to find somebody that you can talk to about it, maybe a wise, trusted mentor.
• 36:58
  Taylor: If you're going through a relationship and if you are planning on getting married, premarital counseling is a great way to find somebody to open up and talk to about that.
• 37:08
  Taylor: But it's hard and I wanted to give space for those of you who have been waiting for maybe somebody to speak into that.
• 37:17
  Taylor: There is a lot of brokenness that comes with our sexual identity as human beings, and Christ wants to redeem that.
• 37:26
  Taylor: He wants you to see that nothing should keep you from accepting and experiencing his love that he has for you.
• 37:37
  Ellen: Absolutely.
• 37:37
  Ellen: Oh, I'm so glad you remembered to add that in, tay.
• 37:39
  Ellen: Thank you so much.
• 37:40
  Ellen: Well, we just want to recap here for you these lessons that we've learned Remember that God's timing is better than ours could ever be.
• 37:52
  Ellen: Remember that your worth isn't defined by a relationship.
• 37:58
  Ellen: Embrace the season that you're in.
• 38:01
  Ellen: Remember that red flags are real, and so is the Holy Spirit's conviction, and so is the Holy Spirit's conviction.
• 38:10
  Ellen: And, lastly, relationships are meant to reflect Christ's love, and we just want to encourage you in that regard.
• 38:17
  Ellen: Thank you so much, tay, for being here, for being vulnerable.
• 38:21
  Ellen: We appreciate you.
• 38:23
  Ellen: And thank you to our listeners for joining us at Coffee and Bible Time, our podcast here.
• 38:29
  Ellen: We also have a YouTube channel.
• 38:32
  Ellen: We hope this conversation has given you some encouragement and practical advice for navigating today's relationships.
• 38:40
  Ellen: So, tay, would you mind closing us out in prayer?
• 38:43
  Ellen: Absolutely.
• 38:46
  Taylor: Thank you, god, for this time that we have to come together and to seek to honor and love you, even in our struggles of singleness, our struggles in relationships, our crying out to you to heal us and to show us that you see us and that you love us and care for us.
• 39:14
  Taylor: God, would you just give us an extra measure of your grace and love and your presence this week as we go about navigating this in our everyday lives.
• 39:23
  Taylor: Lord, we know that you see us and we just pray that you would speak to us in your word this week.
• 39:31
  Taylor: Really show us what you want us to know and the truth that you want to embed into our hearts, and you know we pray Amen.
• 39:41
  Ellen: Amen, all right.
• 39:42
  Ellen: Well, we would love to hear from you.
• 39:44
  Ellen: If you found this episode helpful, be sure and share it with a friend, leave a comment and follow us for more faith-filled conversations.
• 39:54
  Ellen: Have a blessed day.