Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / The limit of your self worth lies in how you let others treat you (E)

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The limit of your self worth lies in how you let others treat you (E) · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the episode of today.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: So this is officially summer break for me and for
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I would imagine a lot of podcasters, and not even
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: just in the podcasting world, but so many of us.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: So for the duration of the summer break, I'm obviously
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: taking some stunning time off, but I thought I would
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: keep you guys entertained with some of the best off
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: and encore episodes, some of your all time favorites, the
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: ones that were shared the most or the ones that
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: had the highest downloads. But I also wanted to go deep,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: deep into the back catalog and kind of pull up
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: some episodes that haven't been you know, mentioned or played
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: for a very long time, and just some of the
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: all time favorites. So we're going to start with the
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: encore episodes with episode thirty and this one is the
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: limit of your self worth lies in how you let
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: others treat you. This one went off, it was a
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: huge favorite, and I think it's really important to remind
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: yourself of this topic as you enter this period of
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: time where you're likely going to be hanging around with
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: a lot of different groups of people, maybe people that
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: you don't often you know, stand up for yourself around
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: or get along with or people that just you don't
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: see that often and you feel uncomfortable around dealing with
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: their energy. So this is prime episode to listen to
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: if you are feeling any of the above things and more. Anyway,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop fucking around and I'm gonna let you
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: listen to the episode. Love you guys so much. I
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed it. Sense, let's get into brain facts.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about kind of what's happening in
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: the field of stem cell therapies on the brain. So,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: if you guys know much about stem cells, basically, a
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: stem cell is a cell that is at like the
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: early early stages of its life because often when a
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: cell starts out, it then divides and divides and divides
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: and starts to get specific on what that cell is
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: going to become. So it could become skin, it could
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: become a blood vessel, muscle tissue, a neuron. There's all
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: these different things that a cell can differentiate into. So
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: science has got a really long way with stem cell
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: therapies for the body as far as organs and joints
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: and muscles and all of that. But when it comes
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: to stem cell therapies for the brain. There's still quite
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: a lot that we need to work on as scientists
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: in order or just not just scientists, but fucking everyone.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: It's not just science, you know, you know, you need funding,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: you need you know. Yeah, as as a society, we
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: need to work on improving how these stem cells are
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: going to be delivered into the brain, Are they to
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: be safe, are they going to be effective? Because it's
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: as you can imagine, it's a lot more complicated having
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: stem cells put into the brain than it would be
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: to be put into a different part of the body.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Because keeping in mind, if you're going to do something
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: that might be detrimental to the brain, that's the house
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: of your personality. It's the house of everything. And if
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: you cause you know, infection or disease or another lesion
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: or whatever, then it's potentially game over. So when you
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: look at therapists for the brain, it's very, very tedious
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: and complicated. But something I did want to explain to
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: you is about something called and this was discovered in
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I think twenty twelve, I want to say, and it's
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: called induced pluripotent stem cells. Now, these stem cells are
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: really exciting because normally stem cells are derived from like
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: an umbilical cord. It's an embryonic stem cell. And the
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: reason why they like to get stem cells from the
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: umbilical cord. So that's like donor, it's donated. You know,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: when a baby is born, they can donate the umbilical
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: cord four stem cell therapies. It's because it is in
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: that state where the cell can differentiate into all these
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: different kinds of cells within the body. That's why they
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: like to get embryonic stem cells. Now, the exciting thing
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: about this new kind of stem cell called induced pluripotent
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: stem cells, and this was discovered by this very very
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: amazing scientist called Shinya Yamanaka. Well actually he came out
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: of his lab. He spearheaded the team. So you gotta
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: understand what scientists discover something, it's them plus a very
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: integral team. They just do it alone. So he was
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: like the head of the team at his lab, and
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: they discovered that they could through this whole process I'm
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: not going to get into, but basically, you could grab
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: a skin cell from you know, skin or blood cells
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: from a person, and you can reprogram those cells back
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: to an embryonic like state, and it's called a pluripotent state,
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  Speaker 1: So basically it's its potential is like multiple different avenues
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: that that cell could go down. So it's this idea
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: that you can reprogram a cell even if the cell
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: has gone all the way to become skin. You can
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: then take a piece of skin from that person and
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: then reprogram those cells all the way back to that
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: embryonic like state, and then you could then potentially inject
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: it into the patient's brain if they've got like cell
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: loss in the brain and things like that. So it's
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: huge for science. This introduced pluripotent stem cells. That's pretty
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: much what my presentation was about, talking about how these
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: stem cells could then be used in degenerative diseases basically
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: everything at the moment that's happening with these diseases, sorry,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: not diseases. With these studies in rat models and mouse models,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: a few other animals, but most of them are rat
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: and mouse models. But there's just a big issue with
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: translating those studies over to then human studies because obviously
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: our bodies are quite different to rats and mice. But yeah,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: it's really really exciting because when you have a degenerative disease,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: whether it's like Alzheimer's disease where you're losing all these
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: neurons in your hippocampus, which is where memory is formed,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: versus maybe Parkinson's disease where you're using losing a lot
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: of the cells that produce dopamine, and dopamine is crucial
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: for movement anything motor in the body. You need dopamine,
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: and if you're losing the cells that produce dopamine, then
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: that's why you see that movement, either excessive movement or
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: not enough movement in Parkinson's disease with you know, shaking
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: and all of that. So if they were able to
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: put these stem cells into the specific areas of the brain,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: then those cells would then start to grow new cells
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: and they increase. They encourage the action of neurotrophins, and
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: neurotrophins are family of proteins that promote the survival, development,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: and function of neurons. They belonging to a class it's
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: called growth factors, and these growth factors pretty much encourage
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: cell growth and synaptic growth. And synapsis is basically the
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: connection between a neuron and another neuron, like that action
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: that occurs between two cells so without going too much
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: more science into that, that's pretty much what I was
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: speaking about. But also I'm very, very into that whole
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: stem cell treatment and where it's headed. At the moment.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of clinical trials underway, but we don't
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: have any hard heard, heart evidence that something you know,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: definitely works and also is safe. So at the moment,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: they're not really rolling out any of these for the brain.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of stem cell therapists for the rest
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: of the body, but at the moment we've got nothing
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: concrete for the brain. Anyway, that's the science side of
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: things for today. I fucking love these science sections. If
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: you don't love them, then you just have to fast
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: forward because I ain't stopping anyway. Let's get into today's
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: podcast episode, which is about self worth. Now again, as usual,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do a little bit of a disclaimer.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: You know, me can't stir away from that. But for
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: everything that I say in this episode, so I want
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: you to hold that mirror back up to yourself and
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: look at your own behavior, because everything you seek to
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: understand about other people, you should be seeking to understand
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: about yourself. It's very easy to point your finger at
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: someone and say you were toxic, or what you said
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: was mean, or that was not cool, or you need
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: to grow up, or you need to do those things.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: But it's really difficult to turn it around and look
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: at your own behavior and admit that you might be
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: playing a role in that as well. So I just
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: want you and you don't have to share it with
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: anyone else. This might just be a humbling experience for yourself.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: But every time you can acknowledge this anything that I'm
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: talking about here and in any previous podcast, if you
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: can acknowledge this in other people, just quickly hold the
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: mirror back up to yourself and say, am I doing
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: this toxic behavior? Have I treated someone like that? Have
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I taken advantage of someone because they're weak and I
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: knew I could? You have to ask yourself those things
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: because you might think, oh, well, all these people have
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: treated me this way, and then try and do all
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: this groundwork to get people to treat you better. But
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, if you're an asshole,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: the only person that can cure that is yourself. There's
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: no medication, there's no magic pill. You have to look
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: back at yourself and think people being mean to me
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: because I'm a wanker, because that's a possibility. So I'm
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: hoping you're not, and that's great, but it's always good
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: to just check yourself before you wreck yourself. Essentially, always
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: make sure that you are aware that relationships are a
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: two way street. And if you're expecting more from people, great,
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: but expect more from yourself as well. Cool. Now, just
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: going to break down the episode into kind of two parts.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: The first part is kind of looking at self respect,
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: self love all of that and why things are happening
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: and how to seek it out and all of that.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: And then the next part of the podcast is going
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: to be on kind of actions you can take or
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: tools on how to start to change how you value
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: yourself and your self worth, self respect and all of that,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: because I genuinely believe that you cannot have self love
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: without self respect or self worth. It's just not possible.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: You can't truly love someone if you don't respect them
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: or if you don't value them. If you don't value
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: something in your life, how can you love it. It's
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: of no value to you, right, So that goes for you.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: So instead of thinking I just want to love myself. Pause.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: That's the goal, yes, and we're gonna get there. But
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: do you respect yourself? Do you do you have do
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: you value yourself? Do you have self worth? And a
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: really good way of looking at that is how do
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: you let other people treat you? Because there's your answer.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: If you valued yourself properly, how you should be valued.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: I can guarantee you right now you would not let
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: anybody walk all over you. You wouldn't let anyone treat
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: you like shit. It just would not happen. They did
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: it once and then never get the chance again. But
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: if you're allowing people to treat you like shit, that's
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: where the issue currently lies in your inability to love
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: yourself because you're not focusing on the step that comes
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: just before that, which is respect, which is valuing yourself
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: feeling worthy. Okay, so we're gonna take a really really
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: good look at how you are letting other people treat you.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: And when I talk about letting other people treat you,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: I understand that you can't control how someone treats you
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: from the get go, but you can to an extent,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: control how someone continues to treat you. There's certain things
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: that you can put in place. There's certain barriers that
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: you can put in between yourself and someone that's not
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: treating you well. And there's also certain things that you
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: can do to remove yourself from a relationship. You know,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: you have to manage your expectations on people. And if
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: someone's not treating you right, but you're like, oh, but
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: they're in my friendship group, find a better friendship group.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: If you're in a friendship group where someone one person
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: is treating you like shit and the rest of them
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: are sitting around being silent, they can all get fucked
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: fuck off and be gone. You're better off sitting on
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: your bed eating Natella watching Netflix. Because I've got many
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: people that DM me, many people of you guys that
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: say to me, Oh, I've just got this friendship group
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: and there's just this one girl and she bullies me,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: you know, like she's really mean to me, and it's
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: just awkward. With the friends. No one really says anything.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: But I know my other friends like we're they're really
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: tired with me, but they just like her. That means
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: that the bully is toxic and every other silent motherfucker
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: who's not taking action to defend you. Because you might
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: not feel that you're in a position where you can
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: defend yourself. They are all toxic. I don't care what
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: you have to say. I don't care what answer or
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: reason you give me. If someone is allowing their friend
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: to bully their other friend, toxic topic, and that is
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: your cue to leave. Okay, So that's what we're going
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: to be talking about today. So the first thing I
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: want to talk about is we're talking about raising your standards.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: So when you raise your st on what is acceptable,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: people are going to mirror that. You know, And here
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: I'll give you an example yet again of my own life.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I always grew up with a very I'm very fortunate
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: that I've had a very loving, supportive family, so I
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: always had kind of always held a standard of how
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I wanted to be treated. I was kind of without
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: them specifically telling me that. You kind of, you know,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: if you grew up feeling very loved and you grow
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: up around people that aren't toxic, it's just kind of
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: happens that way. But then I dated someone that was
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: really quite awful, and I wasn't prepared for it, and
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I hadn't really and I was younger, and I hadn't
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: really prepped myself for this. So through a process of
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: you know, psychological manipulation and emotional manipulation. By the time
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I got out of that first toxic relationship, and I
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: would have been nineteen at the time, I felt the
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: most insecure I've ever felt in my life. My standards
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: had been dropped. And that's a very very very vilnerable
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: place to be in if you start letting someone treat
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: you a certain way and you stay in that relationship,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: which is what I did. And you've got to keep
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: in mind that it's very normal to stay in that
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: relationship because once your stands its have dropped, then of
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: course it makes sense to stay because in your head,
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: you think I'm not worthy of someone better. So this,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: this is, you know, a very very good manipulation tool
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: that these abuses will use because they understand that if
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: they can crack you, even by the time you turn
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: around and acknowledge that it's toxic, you've been so cut
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: down that even though you know the toxic, you still
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: think they're the best option for you. You still feel
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: like you're punching. Okay, So when I finally got out
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: of that toxic relationship, my self esteem was absolutely rocked,
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: like rocked, and I was very confident as a teenager.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: I had a lot of friends very socially, So then
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: you kind of have to go into this rebuilding phase.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: If you jump straight into a another relationship, it's literally
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: a lottery. You know, you want to hope that you've
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: jumped into a healthy relationship because if you haven't done
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: that rebuilding work where you now have experienced the bad,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: you now know what you don't want. You now understand
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: what they did and how you now need to regroup
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: and raise your standards for what you think is acceptable
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: and you're not gonna accept that anymore. If you don't
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: do that, then you're going to hope that the next
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: relationship you jump into out of pure chance, you're gonna
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: be dating a really nice, good person that treats you well,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: because you should be treated well. But if you then
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: happen to slip into a relationship with someone who's toxic
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: and they see these cracks in you that have already
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: been formed by the last toxic relationship, then boom, it's
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: easy for them, and boom, you're back into that toxic relationship.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: And are you gonna leave? Fuck no, because you've not
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: raised your standards and you're telling yourself deep down, this
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: is the limit of my self worth, how that person
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: is treating me. If I'm staying in this relationship, It's
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: how I treat myself in my head. And it's true
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: because I've never been more self critical than when I've
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: dated someone who's toxic, Never when I date someone who's
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: When I have dated someone who's toxic, I've been so
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: hard on myself about shit about my appearance, about how
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I've dressed, about I don't feel as comfortable in my
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: own skin, and when I'm out, I feel like I'm
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: walking on eggshells and all that shit. And that's because
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: I lowered my standards of my worth. And people can
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: do that, especially if you haven't built the foundations. The
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: good thing about this is that if you do all
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: the groundwork, and that I'm going to be talking about
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: on this episode, that if you do all this groundwork,
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: then people won't have the opportunity to crack you in
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: the first place, because you see them coming a mile
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: away and you can be like, aunt, stop, no, thank you, next, goodbye,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: keep walking jog on, motherfucker. Now, Another really important thing
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: that you need to do is don't allow different levels
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: of treatment for different people. This is so important, and
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: this is something that where most of us fall short off,
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: with most of us guilty of this. We allow different
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: levels of treatment from different people in our lives. If
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: you allow one person to treat you like shit, but
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: everyone else has to treat you well, you are as
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: good as your weakest link. So that one shitty asshole
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: that you're letting treat you like that is determining how
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: you are treating yourself. Because if you accept it even once,
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: and you accept it and you continue to accept that
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: one shitty person in your life, you're telling yourself that
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: is my standard. All these other people that are treating
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: me well, that's just a bonus. But that person, if
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I'm allowing it, that is my standard. And because I'm
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: allowing it, it means that I'm also going to allow
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: toxic thoughts about myself. I'm going to allow negative, negative
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: beliefs about myself, negative narratives, limiting beliefs. All of that
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: starts to creep in if you are letting someone treat
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: you badly. So if you take a look at all
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: the thoughts that you have about yourself or these limiting beliefs,
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: anything that you think, well, I wish I felt this
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: about myself. I wish I felt that. Before you do
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: anything about your thoughts, start to do a bit of
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: a inventory on the people in your life and who's
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: treating you like shit. Because if there is anyone who's
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: treating you like shit, that's where you need to make
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: the cull first. When you cull that, When you cull
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: all those people, then it's a lot easier to start
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: to change how you feel about yourself. It's logical. Think
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: about it. If I'm sitting at home with all these
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: positive affirmations and I'm like, I'm gonna think this, I'm
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: gonna think that, I'm gonna be this, I'm gonna be that,
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: and then I walk out and go on a date
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: with my toxic partner and then they're like saying all
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: these awful things to me, and I'm not standing up
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: for myself. What is that saying? What am I telling myself?
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Forget about what you're telling your partner fuck them? What
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: are you telling yourself? You're telling yourself that that's acceptable
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: because you're not walking away. If you're staying there, you're
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: saying I accept this treatment. So you have to teach
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: people how to treat you, and if those people don't
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: want to be taught, then they don't have a place
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: in your life. And you've got to be very clear
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: about that. If you don't want to be clear about that,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: then it's a lottery of who's going to treat you
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: well and who's going to treat you poorly, who's going
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: to manipulate you, etc. Etc. Etc. So keep that in
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: mind when you're looking at people in your life. You
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: have to have a standard across the board. You don't
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: dip your standard for one person, you don't dip your
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: standard for two people. No, it's across the board. And
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I understand that there are people that you might work
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: with that there are people that you know in your
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: life that you absolutely cannot help. But you if someone
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: treats you poorly, you can still determine how much you
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: are letting them enter your life. There's a difference between
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: your siblings, partner who's really rude to you, where you
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: don't have to respond to them, you don't have to
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: resist much to what they have to say because you're
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: not actively choosing to have them in your life. There
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: is a difference. I'm talking about people that you are
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: actively choosing to have in your life. For people that
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: you don't choose to have in your life that are toxic,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: go back and listen to my Dealing with Narciss's podcast
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: because I cover it there and I'm not going to
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: repeat myself, but I'm talking about people that you have
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: chosen to be in your life. Partners and friends, Okay,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: that's mainly what I'm talking about, and even acquaintances because
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: you don't have to deal with these people in your life.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about you letting someone in to who you are,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: dropping that wall, letting them see a side of you,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: and letting them manipulate you. For other people that you
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: can't control, that's covered in another podcast. So let's talk
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: about warning signs now. So let's say you're dating someone
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: or it's a friend. One of the biggest warning signs
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: to know because sometimes it's hard to pick it. Sometimes
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: you're like, but this person's so nice to me most
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: of the time, but then there's sometimes times where they're like, oh,
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: they'll say something really catty or say something really mean,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: or undermine me or you know, so, and if we're
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: not feeling that great about ourselves or if our self
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: worth isn't great, then sometimes you might struggle to figure
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: out who is that person and who's not. So let's
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: talk about a few warning signs here on you know,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: people that don't value you, so then you can start to,
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: you know, get a little ping every time someone treats
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: you like that. Number one is if you feel that
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: you have to walk on eggshells by being yourself, you
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: need to run away from that situation. And what I
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: mean by that is if you feel that, oh, I
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: can't voice my opinion on this. We're having a debate,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: but I can't tell them what I really think, or
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: I can't you know, I'm normally like a fun, wild
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: person who's you know, talks to everyone. But now that
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I'm dating this possessive person, I'll just talk to you know,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: to my friends. But I'm not gonna go out there
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: and talk to other guys because he might get all jealous.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna, you know, talk about my male friends
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: as much because he's gonna get jealous. If you feel
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: that you are walking on eggshells, you are censoring certain
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: aspects of your personality to appease this person, then that's
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: you not valuing yourself. You are valuing that person's opinion,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: and this perceived you're thinking, I have to be someone else,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: or have to be less of myself or a tone down,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: sensored version of myself for them to like me. That's
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: not valuing yourself. That's not self worth. And then of
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: course you're going to struggle to love yourself if you're saying, oh,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: I can't really be me right now? Why why not?
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Because that person doesn't like it? Fine, no one hasn't
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: you know, not everyone has to like you. It's not
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: I don't take it as an insight. If someone doesn't
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: like me. Everyone's entitled to their opinion. Go have your opinion,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: but have your opinion away from me, and I'll just
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: be myself chilling here. You know. That's that's how you
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: got to look at it. But if you're censoring yourself,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: then you're not valuing yourself. The next one, number two
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: is if someone tries to blame you for something that
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: happened to you, so they're try and make it like
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: it was your fault that that happened, or it was
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: your fault that this relationship broke down the way it did,
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: or it was your fault. And if you allow it
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: in the sense of like yeah, true, or if you
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: don't stand up for yourself in that moment, being like,
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: hold up, wait, it's not my fault. It was just
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: a situation that occurred that I was involved in, or
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: it was something that someone actively did to me. If
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: someone's trying to blame you for something that happened in
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: your past, they're trying to make you feel shame, and
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: if you fall for it, or if you don't defend yourself,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: a part of you is going to accept that as
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: the truth. A part of you is going to say, yeah,
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: maybe I should feel a little bit shame about it.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: And the problem with that is that the next time
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: you're going to talk about that situation that might have
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: happened to you, you then feel shameful and you don't
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: want to talk about it. So they've won. They've manipulated
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: you to now consider a situation as shame. Shame is
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: one of the worst feelings we can feel, and if
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: someone's able to conjure up feelings of shame in you,
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: you don't want them in your life. That's a terrible
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: thing for someone to do to someone else. And if
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: you kind of fall to that, then that's that's you again.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Valuing their opinion over yourself. That also goes for if
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: someone tries to make you feel guilty or embarrassed for
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: a decision that you made in the past. So one
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: thing is something that you had no control over that
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: they're trying to make you feel shameful, off, I could
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: go into a million examples whatever, and the other thing
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: is trying to make you feel guilty or embarrassed for
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: a decision that you made in the past. A really
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: common one with this is when if you're dating normally,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: if you're dating a jealous person, they'll try and make
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: you feel embarrassed for the last person you dated. You know,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: the most recent person you dated. That is so inappropriate
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: and toxic it's not even funny. If I was dating
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: someone who was laughing at my exes, that's a red
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: flag because at the end of the day, and this
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: is the perfect answer for them. So if someone says,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: if someone starts making comments about your ex or laughing
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: about your ex or trying to make you feel embarrassed
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: for having dated your ex, you need to the first
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: time ever nip it in the butt, and you need
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: to say I'm not gonna let you talk about my
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: ex like that we're not together now for a reason,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: but I was with them for a reason and I
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: made that decision. So you're now insulting my decision, and
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: you're insulting my past. The person that I dated is
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: now in the past. You don't need to worry about that,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: so let it go. But you're also not gonna be
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: insulting them and trying to make me feel embarrassed for
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: dating that person. The conversation is done. That's it. But
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: also having said that, I hope that you pay attention
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: to the fact that you can't be insulting their ex.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Obviously it's insulting people's exes can go down a very,
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: very very toxic spiral because if you think that it's
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: okay for someone to be insulting your ex unless that
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: person was I don't know, unless you're the one bringing
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: it up and they were like some cooked lemon or whatever.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: But in general, if you think it's okay for someone
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: to be insulting your ex and being like how embarrassing
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: that you dated, how embarrassing, that's actually not cool. It's
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: actually not okay, and they are insulting you. They're insulting
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: your judgment, and they're insulting your past. So you need
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: to make that clear. You need to say, listen, you
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: might have done this with previous relationships and there's nothing
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: I can do about that, but I'm drawing the line
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: here and you're not going to speak about my exes
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: like that. And if they turn around and say, oh,
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: you're still into them, say that's a manipulation tactic. Be
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: aware if they try and say why do you still
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: like them? Do this? Do you that? Keep it civil,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: don't argue with them. All you're going to say is
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: it's ended for a reason. So that's finished. But at
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: the same time, everything that's occurred in my life has
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: had to occur for me to be the person I
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: am today. So you are not going to insult my past.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: End of story. Don't engage with them trying to argue
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: back and forth, back and forth. Petty people will argue
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: about petty things. Don't fall into the trap. So if
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: you're dating someone that then wants to turn it around
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: and manipulate what you just said. If you just try
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: to defend your ex and they're trying to manipulate it
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: into us of being in love with your ex, that's
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: a petty argument. That's pathetic, it's ridiculous. Are they a
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: child or are they an adult? Do you want to
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: date a child or do you want to date an adult?
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: If you can pull them up and they come to
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: the table and then they're like, oh, you're right, sorry,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: didn't think about it that way, they're an adult. If
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: they then get all petty and you know, try and
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: manipulate you, then you just got to think they're not
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: going to fucking change. They're not going to change. So
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: now it's my decision. Do I want to continue deading
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: this person who's not going to change, Because the only
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: way you can change is if you want to change yourself.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: And if someone, when they get pulled up, gets really defensive,
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: that's not promising. So now you've got to make that call.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: I'm now aware that this person is going to be
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: like this in not just this situation, but in all
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: these other situations in the future. Is this okay? Am
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I okay with this? Am I telling myself that that's
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: the limit of my self worth? How this person is
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: treading me right now? How this person is talking about
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: my past right now? When people insult your part, they
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: are insulting you all right now. We're gonna go into
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: what you can do to start feeling more self worth
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: or what you can do to start to raise your
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: standards so other people treat you in a certain way.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: You might be in a situation right now where you're thinking, oh,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: but like, I'm in too deep. I've got all these
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: people that treat me like shit. If I was to
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: cut them all out of my life, I would literally
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: have nobody. So if you're feeling this way, the good
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: thing about this you might feel right now being like, ah,
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: I'm fucked. You know, I've like it. It's never too late,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: never too late. The beauty of it is when you
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: start to level up, people become attracted to you, attracted
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: to your energy, and they want to be around you.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: As as the duds fall by the wayside, you start
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: to draw in people of value into your life, who
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: value you. And there might be some moments in your
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: life where you are lonely. I can almost guarantee you
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: that there are going to be moments in your life
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: where you're lonely. But nothing builds character and resilience like
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: loneliness does. And I'm not saying you should seek to
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: be lonely, but I'm saying, if you find yourself in
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: a situation where you've had to cut all this dead
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: weight and it's caused you to be lonely, then you're
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: in the place where you're supposed to be because that's
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: where growth happens, and that's where you're going to start
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: to attract real, good kind people into your life. But
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: sometimes you might need to have that moment where you've
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: had to get rid of for a particular group of friends,
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: or you've had to get rid of a partner because
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: of the fact that they're not growing with you, they're
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: not leveling up with you, and as you start to
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: respect yourself more, they're going to try and change that
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: and cut you down. So you've got to make the call.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Am I going to allow them to bring me back
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: down and the change never happens for me? Or am
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: I going to allow them to just drop off because
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: they're not really you know, they're not meeting me in
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: the middle, and they're not going to go on this
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: journey with me. So that's a call that you need
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: to make. So let's talk about how to do that. Firstly,
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: understand that someone who is taking advantage of your weakness
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: will continue to do it. You can try to start
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: to you know, let them know how you now want
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: to be treated. But it's doable. It's definitely doable. But
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: their response might be they might hit back with a
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: lot of resistance. And when you're in a situation where
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: the dynamic has been for such a long time where
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: you've put them above you and you've always put their
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: opinion above you, it's very easy when you try and
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: grow and you know, have some self worth and self
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: confidence and say I'm not going to stand for that
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: that they're going to be little you like crazy, and
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: then you feel embarrassed and then you shrink back down
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: being like, oh that was embarrassing, I'm never going to
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: do that again. Or fuck they shut me down, I'm
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: not going to do that again. That's the problem. So
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: it's possible, and there are times where you can start
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: to level the fuck up and that person thinks, Wow,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: if I don't clean up my act, I'm going to
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: lose this person. That's a possibility, but just be a
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: way that you need to manage your expectations. And in
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: most cases, if someone's got it in them to manipulate
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: someone who's weaker than them, then there's a big chance
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: that they're also too proud to see their flaws and
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: to change for the better. So just manage your expectations
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: and be aware that that behavior might continue to occur
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: with that person. The next thing you need to do
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: is you need to take people off the pedestal. Take
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: people off the pedestal, good people, bad people, everyone, because
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: this is a big problem. If you start putting people
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: above you, then you're telling yourself then they are better
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: than you. So if any relationship is going to succeed,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: it's because you see them as an equal. You see
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: eye to eye with that person. If in your eyes
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: they are above you. Let's say it's a good person, right,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: If that person you've put them above you because you
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: think they're so awesome and so amazing, and you could
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: be whether it's a celebrity, whether it's a mentor, or
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: whether it's a crush that you're so in love with,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: and you put them above you, then you're never going
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: to truly act yourself for them because you're nervous. You
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: think they're better than you. You feel that you have
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: to behave a certain way for them to accept you,
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: because you want to present yourself in the best light
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: possible that you end up editing who you are so
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: they really like you, so that what's now happened, you've
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: cut off the potential for any real connection there. So
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: take them off the fucking pedestal and see them as
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: human and not this you know, amazing, amazing, Oh my god,
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: they're so much better than me. Person. They can be amazing,
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: but they're not better than you. Okay, So number one,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: if they're bad in the sense of they intimidate you,
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: they're a bully, they're mean to you, they manipulate you,
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: and you put them on that pedestal of like, I
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: need to fear this person, then then that person is
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: going to see that you're doing that. They're going to
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: acknowledge that you've now put them on a pedestal, and
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: that gives them the green light to manipulate you, to
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: put you down when they see you start to grow,
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: to cut you back down, when they see you start
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: to succeed, to like, you know, pull you back. So
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: regardless whether the person is good or whether the person
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: is bad, you need to take them off the pedestal.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: You need to find ways to see that person as
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: you're equal. You see eye to eye, we're all humans here.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: We all shit, we all piss, we all have twenty
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: four hours in a day. We all are the same.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: We're humans. Okay, you might respect someone a lot, but
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: it doesn't make them better than you as a person.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: It's okay to in like to professionally put them on
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: a pedestal, being like, wow, that's an incredible achievement. Whatever,
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: But as a person, we are equals. You have to
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: start learning how to look at everyone as an equal.
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: Remind yourself that time and time again. Every time someone
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: intimidates you. You've got to remind yourself we are both
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: just people. The achievements that that person has made, I
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: can do. The fact that that person is a bully,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: I could also be an ashole and start bullying people.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: Do I want to know? But I could also do that,
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: So don't make them, you know, this superhuman force to
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: be reckoned with, because and you're never going to be
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: able to truly be comfortable in your own skin when
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: you are around that person. So that's like the death
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: of any potential relationship occurs when you put someone on
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: a pedestal. Now you're also going to have to the
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: next point. You need to always you need to make
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: a promise to yourself that you're going to start having
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: your back. When you have your back, you don't have
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: to do it in an obvious way. You can have
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: your back internally in the sense. And what I mean
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: by that is, let's say you're having a conversation with
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: someone and they insult you, and then you go and
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: defend yourself. That's having your back. But also, let's say
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: you're not very social or confident or confident in a
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: social setting, and you're out one day and you're with
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: people that are just awful to you. You know, they're
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: really mean, they're not really friends, you don't really know
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: why you're there, you feel extremely uncomfortable. You getting up
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: walking the fuck out and getting in an uber and
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: going home and removing yourself from a toxic situation where
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: you were feeling really shit about yourself because how being treated.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: That's having your back. You don't always have to verbly
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: stand up for yourself because you might feel where you
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: are right now if you've never done that, you might
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: feel that that's way too big a leap for you
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: that you end up never never doing anything. Removing yourself
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: from mean people or a bad situation is having your back.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: You don't owe anyone shit, and if someone's not treating
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: you well, turn around and leave. You don't have to
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: stay there. You're not handcuffed to the table. You're not
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: handcuffed to that person. They You know, a lot of
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: people genuinely feel that they have this control and this
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: ability to manipulate you, and you can sever that in
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: an instant if you just turn around and leave. What
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: you are risking though, you're risking the future of this,
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: you know, relationship with that person, or the future of
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: hanging out with that person again. But do you even
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: want that. You've got to be willing to have your
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: back in these situations and willing to risk losing a
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: toxic person in your life. But the more you keep
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: these people in your life, the more you say to yourself, no, no,
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: sit here while they treat you like shit, Sit here
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: and just cop it. What are you telling yourself? And
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: then you get home and wonder why you can't love
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: yourself because you didn't stand up for yourself. You didn't
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: have your back, You didn't say I'm gonna leave these motherfuckers.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: I'd rather be alone. You know, there's much better things
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: you can be doing than surrounding yourself with assholes. Infinite
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: amount of things you can be doing alone that are
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: better than hanging around with assholes. But we fall into
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: this trap where we feel we need these people, and
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: that's normal. Don't think it's not normal, it's fucking normal.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: If you've been in that position, you've not done anything wrong,
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: but you've conditioned yourself to feel that you need these people.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: And now you just have to condition yourself to realize
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: that you don't need these people. You just really need
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: yourself to have your back. And the moment you have
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: your back, people see that shit. And you know, when
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: you meet someone who's you know, confident, comfortable in their
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: own skin, you see them that they don't have to
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: be around people that aren't nice. They don't have to
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: put themselves in these situations. They decide, now, I'm not
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: going to go out tonight. No, I don't want to
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: hang around with that person. Yes I do want to
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: be alone, and no, I don't have to explain myself.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Those people have the most attractive energy because there's no need.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: They don't need, you know, validation, because they validate themselves.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: They don't need people to make them feel worthy because
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: no one's going to make them feel more worthy than themselves.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: Their self worth is high, and it's not in a
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: cocky way. They just feel comfortable in their own skin
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: and there's nothing more valuable than that. Because it's almost
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: it sounds like it's counterintuitive, but the more you are
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: comfortable within your own skin, the more you are comfortable
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: being alone and having your back and standing up for
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: yourself and removing yourself from these situations, even if it
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: means the dissolving of certain relationships in your life. The
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: more you do that, and it looks like your eye yourself,
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: it looks like you're pulling away, but it's the opposite.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: You make space for real connections, for real relationships, for
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: some really amazing relationships to be born out of that.
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: So don't think that by doing this you're becoming a loner.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: It's actually the opposite, and it's pretty fucking amazing what
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: can happen when you truly have your back because the
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: right people are going to resonate with that and they're
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: going to connect with you. So that's what I want
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: you guys to be doing. I want you to be
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: paying attention to how you feel and how you behave
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: around certain people. If you are censoring yourself, then you
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: are valuing that person's opinion over yourself, over your personality.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: If you are allowing someone to talk shitty about you,
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: about your friends, about your past, then you're allowing that
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: person's opinion to be placed above who you are or
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: these aspects of your life. Start to really pay attention
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: how you feel around these people, and do you feel
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: that you can't say something, or you feel that you
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: have to bite your tongue, or you feel that you
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: have to pretend to be someone else, then it means
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: that that's as far as your self worth is going
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: to go. Your self worth is never going to get
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: better until you action something in this situation. And that's
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: what you're going to be focusing on. Where every time
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: you feel that let's friend, colleague, acquaintance, or partner, it
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: doesn't matter who. But you've got to be selective with
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: the people that you're allowing into your life. Yeah, you know,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: like holding your own you know, standing in your truth,
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: knowing what you stand for. Really pay attention to what
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: you stand for. What are your morals? What do you
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: stand for? And are you allowed to voice that when
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: you're you know, with these certain people. Are you allowed
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: to be the most uncensored, crazy version of yourself when
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: you're around these people? You know, I've dated people in
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: my past that I've really censored myself with and to
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: the extent that my friends have noticed, and that's really sad.
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: And I got sad. One day. My cousin you know,
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: told me, oh, like, you just become such a timid
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: person and you were dating him, And that made me
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: so sad because you know, I was always like this loud, crazy,
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: I fu'n ah haha person, and then here I am
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: being this way because when I would act crazy and fun,
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: he'd be like, what are you doing? I should have
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: turned around and said not you can't and left him,
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: but I'd be like, oh, nothing, No, I'm not doing it.
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: Oh like what the fuck? So because of that, you know,
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: if I was to act a certain way and they're
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: like what are you doing? But you're being yourself, that's
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: such a good way to cut someone down. And if
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: you fall for it, then you're like, can't do that again,
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: can't do that again, can't do that again, even though
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: that's what makes up who you are. So always pay
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: attention to when you've stopped being yourself for someone else,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: because that then is what's going to play into how
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: much you can truly love yourself and truly feel comfortable
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: within yourself. I hope all of that either made sense
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: or resonated with you, guys. That is the podcast for today,
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: So thank you so much for listening to the end. Yeah,
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: any questions, jump on the Facebook group do you Fucking Mind?
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: With Alexis Fernandez and yeah, write it down there, keep
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: the conversation flowing there. It's been awesome, guys. The ratings
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: on the podcast have been incredible. Thank you so much
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: for the amazing reviews and ratings that you've given me.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for it. I go on there and
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: read them sometimes and they're just amazing. So I'm very
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: very grateful. You guys are beautiful beans. Um and yeah,
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: what else? Yeah, just keep sharing it on Instagram. I
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: really appreciate it. Big love to everyone. I always just
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: just want you guys to know how much I adore
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: this little community that we're building. I love it, love it,
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: love it, So keep sharing it on Instagram. If you
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: think that this resonated with you or for a friend
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: off yours, please send it to them as well, so, guys,
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: as always been kind to yourselves, be kind to other
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: people as well, and be kind to your brains. Don't
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: take ship from anyone, guys, don't fucking take shit from anyone.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: Just don't and don't take shit from yourself and that
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: is all. Yeah, I have an amazing week, don't he