Latest / The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast / The Cost of Spinning the Block: Why You Keep Going Back to What You've Already Outgrown

Transcript

The Cost of Spinning the Block: Why You Keep Going Back to What You've Already Outgrown · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever noticed how people will tell you exactly who they are?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: They will show you exactly how they operate and give you every reason in the world to leave them alone and not deal with them anymore.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: And somehow, you still find yourself pulling back up.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Same person, same situation, same Tom foolery.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just a different day.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And the crazy part is sometimes you don't even go back because you missed what you had.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: You go back because you're hoping this time it'll be different.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: But here's something that I need you to understand.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you spin the block, you risk paying a price that you didn't even have to pay for.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that price is a whole lot higher than a broken heart.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want to welcome you back to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we unpack the moves, mindsets, and human behavior that shapes our success.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Athena Renee, and today's intel briefing is called The Cost of Spinning the Block.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Why you keep going back to what you've already outgrown.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: So let's unpack it.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when people hear the phrase spinning the block, they usually think about somebody doubting or doubling back to an old relationship.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know how it goes.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: You finally get tired, you get tired of sick and tired.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: You get tired of being sick and tired.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Then you finally leave.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: You tell yourself, you know what, I'm done.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: I ain't doing this no more.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: You block the number, you delete the pictures, you delete the text, uh, the text thread.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: You tell friends, man, I'm finished with that chick.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, I'm done, I'm finished, I'm moving on.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And this time, I'm serious.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm for real, for real.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Three leaks, three weeks later, you sitting across from the same person at Applebee's discussing how things are going to be different this time.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes you got to ask yourself, didn't we already have this meeting?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Same agenda, same commitment, same committee, but the same unresolved issues.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: See, what you must understand is that spinning the block isn't just about romance.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's returning to a friendship that has repeatedly betrayed your trust.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's going back to a family environment where disrespect has just been become the normal.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's returning to a workplace that drained your the life out of you because the paycheck feels familiar.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's not even a person, it could be a habit, a mindset, an old version of yourself that you've already outgrown.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: The question isn't simply why you left.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: The question is what has actually changed that makes going back a better decision today.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because missing something doesn't automatically mean you need it back.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Here's where human behavior gets interesting.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Our brains are built to recognize familiar patterns, and familiarity can feel comforting, even when the experience itself wasn't good for us.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Think about somebody who grew up in a household where arguing, chaos, or emotional unpredictability was normal.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Later in life, they may find themselves in relationships with similar dynamics.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they consciously want to be mistreated, but because certain patterns can become familiar enough that they don't even have to immediately register them as unusual.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And here's another piece of the puzzle.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people don't miss the relationship as much as they think they do, they miss the possibility of what they thought it could become.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: See, you're not holding on to what happened, you're holding on to what you hoped would happen.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: The apology you never received, the relationship you thought you could repair, the parent you really wanted to finally understand you and support you, the friend you hope will eventually celebrate your success.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: And hope, listen, family.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Hope can be a beautiful thing, but hope without evidence can keep you emotionally invested in a situation that hasn't changed at all.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you cannot build your future on somebody else's potential while ignoring their present behavior.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: You're ignoring all of the red flags.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, don't get me wrong, people can change.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a huge believer in that, right?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because we can't say that we've changed and then cut off the requirements of other people changing, right?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships can heal, reconciliations is possible, but genuine change requires more than somebody saying, I'm different now, I'm sorry, right?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: It requires accountability and consistent behavior and time.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And in some situations, especially those involving abuse or credible threats, or just really repeated offenders of disrespect and envy and jealous.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: You must understand that reconciliation may not be safe.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: See, a thing about it is black sheep family, a lot of us, number one, we have done a lot of people pleasing, but another thing is, family, you have dimmed your light so low that you don't even realize how vibrant you are, you don't even realize how bright you shine.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: You don't some of you, as black sheep, you don't even realize how beautiful you are, how handsome you are, how intelligent you are, and how it intimidates other people.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: See, what you must understand is when people, a lot of times as a black sheep, we might say, How you can how why you don't like me?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even how they have anything.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: You meet people and on outside, it look like they got it going on.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: They got the wife, the husband, the car, the house.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: They might have a dream job.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Here you are, a squirrel just trying to get a nut, and they hate on you to the end.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: They hate on you too.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about in the worst way.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because, family, it ain't it's not on you.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's in you, and until you, I mean, until you genuinely know your worth, you know your value.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: You may not all you may not even be all the way to a point where you just got this supreme confidence and you shutting folks down, but it's really about you understanding, you know what?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I've paid too many dues to get to where I'm at.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: I've came too far to only get this far.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: I've climbed this hill too long and clogged my way to wherever I'm at to let somebody else tear me down.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Until you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will continue to spend the block.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I want you to think about this for a second.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you may not even identify as a black sheep, right?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: But this applies to anybody who's ever been counted out.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've been underestimated, they made jokes about your ambitions, you know, laughed at your plan, what they say, oh, that little plan you got, that little job you got, that little business you got, you know, they'll little you to death.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you were a family member that nobody expected to accomplish much.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you were simply the one who refused to follow the path that everybody else had chosen.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: But somewhere along the way, you made a decision that you was going to level up no matter what.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: You started changing how you think, changing how you spend your time, you started learning new skills, building something, becoming more intentional.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what makes that interesting: you don't even have to reach your full potential for growth to change how people respond to you.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because, family, people can see it.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: See, let me tell you something.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: People are so slow to change that you can just start making small changes, and people instantly will know it.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you barely even get started, you're not even in your prime yet.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: You still trying to figure things out, you just know you're not where you were yesterday because you're no longer playing the role that made people become comfortable with you, right?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Some people just put you in a role and they get comfortable with you being there.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And what you must understand is anytime you start changing, that relationship can change.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: For some people, your growth is inspiring, right?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: They like, man, they did it, they give you that motivation and inspiration, but for other people, it brings up insecurity, comparison, resentment, or envy.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing, family.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna continue to drill this in your mind.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: It does not have anything to do with what you have.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I used to, I'm talking about I used to scratch my head and try to find every encyclopedia britannica about how in the hell you hating on somebody that got less than you.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: I I just never got how can you even hate on a black sheep, an underdog?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what it is, family?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, it's in you, not on you, and the fact that you didn't give up, it pisses people off.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why, family.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: This is how I know that you're meant and built and created for something groundbreaking.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because when people will hate on you, and you just trying to you just trying to get along to be along, and you just trying to get out of the place where you came from, and you just refuse to listen.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: When you refuse to lose, oh my goodness, family, listen, it aggravates the crap out of people.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now, not everybody who knew the old you will immediately know how to relate to the person you're becoming.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's another thing, right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to be careful here because everybody who doesn't clap for you isn't jealous, and everybody who questions your decision, they're not an enemy, okay?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people disagree with you, and sometimes they have legitimate concerns, sometimes they're dealing with their own lives, some people are, and that's why they don't they you know, maybe they don't clap for you or whatever, and that's why you don't make decisions based on imagined motives, family.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, in this hour, in this season of life, we're not making decisions on imagined motives.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: What you do is you pay attention to the patterns, the behavior, and the actions.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: The patterns, the behavior, and the actions, and this is your evidence, right?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: And you start to ask yourself Does this person respect your boundaries?
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Can they celebrate your progress without constantly trying to minimize it?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Do they repeatedly try to undermine your decisions?
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Do they constantly try to make you feel small and humble you?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Have they ever threatened you or intimidated you or tried to control your movements?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: See, family, some people are so jealous.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now you will find this in corporate settings where they know you're coming for the crown and you doing everything and you should listen, family.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Everything on planet earth was created to grow.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was created to grow.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Some people they just decide that hey, they're comfortable where they at, and that's fine.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing about it is, family, it's something about when the black sheep say, Well, I'm not done growing, it gets people, they start to noticing, right?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: They start to tripping out.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Those are more so that's why I say, family, when you start looking at or start asking yourself these questions, they continue to try to humble me, threaten me, or control my movements and gatekeep, right?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, they see you coming for the crown, they'll try to get in your way.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if they got anything to do with um you getting that role, that position, you know, they'll try to send you on a wild goose chase, they'll bring somebody else in from the street, they'll hire a family member before they let you get it, right?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to understand that because those are more useful questions than trying to figure out who's secretly mad.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: You start to think about certain things that they have done, you know.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Especially like I said, regardless if it's in a corporate or a personal, you pay attention to the patterns, behavior, and evidence and family.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is another reason why we always talk about you moving in silence.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: See, they can't attack what they don't see, they can't attack what they don't know, okay.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: And what you do is you try to get yourself in a position.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is black sheep, black ops, okay.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: What you do is you tell none until it's done.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: You work on that thing in your private in the dark, you don't tell nobody nothing.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: And what you do is when it's time for you to apply or get your footing in, you prepare so long that it's undeniable.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: And even if you don't get it, you so far ahead of the game that let's say, for instance, if it's a company that you continue to apply for, you steady preparing, you so far ahead in the game, you can apply for seven to ten more companies.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: You can apply to all other some whole other companies and get the role you're looking for, and they're gonna lose somebody good, okay?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: But this is why you have to move in silence.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, nothing is a sure shot and guaranteed win when it's when it's time to move out here in the world because there's always more variables.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: But what you must understand is we can always decrease the risk of somebody trying to come in and mess up our game plan and our goals, and not spinning the block is one of them.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so this is the part of the conversation that I don't want anybody to overlook because sometimes the cost of spinning the block is much bigger than losing your peace or position or people in your life.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, people have been seriously injured and even killed in situations involving abuse of partners, stalking threats, and escalating conflict, as well as professional promotions and just really ascending to your next level.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it happens to men and women.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: It can happen when someone is trying to leave a relationship, uh, it can happen after they've left, it can happen when someone tries to get a new job.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I've seen scenarios where people have spent the block after they enrolled in college, they decide to go back to school in front of their education, and maybe their partners then you know decided they weren't doing anything with their lives and they got angry.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I've also seen scenarios where students they bully each other as well when they see one student trying to do better for themselves.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Family, I need you to understand that sometimes you have to look at your scenario, but sometimes you must understand that people have been seriously injured and even killed in these different situations.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I don't want us treating every situation like it's just another lesson in setting boundaries.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, family, you're dealing with somebody who doesn't respect the word.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: No, they don't respect nothing.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you have you can be dealing with somebody who believes access to you is something they're entitled to.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you could be dealing with somebody who responds to rejection with intimidation tactics.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, family, you can level up so good, and and and you can level up, and no matter what you do, you got somebody that can come and make threats to you just because you leveled up, or just I'm gonna tell you another one, just because you moved away.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure you've heard about how some celebrities they'll move away and and still will show love to their hometown.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, going to their hometown and going around people who saw them in a different light, it got them in situations they are no longer here with us right now.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when those warning signs are present, family, when you pick up on any of these things, because you can feel it.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is why we talk a lot about psychology, because family, we can disagree on a lot of different things, but energy don't lie, and you can pick up on stuff when people don't like you, when people are jealous.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: I know as a black sheep, you don't even like saying a word.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of feel cringy even saying it because it's like, what?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a black sheep, I'm an underdog.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you jealous of me?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you trying to stop me?
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Family, it's your inner light, and I'm telling you, for whatever reason, when they know, especially when people know you from the bottom, or you a black sheep, or you an underdog, and they know you was against all odds and you still climb.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it just does something too.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know why, family?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because they know they can't stop you, they know they can't stop you.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, number two, they start thinking about their own life and how they're not doing nothing.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And when they think about the fact that they know they had more support than you, they had more resources than you, it's just they just can't take it.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: They can't take it, and that and when those warning signs are present, there is no longer, this is no longer about winning an argument or trying to prove how much you've grown or trying to prove that you still that same person, family.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's about protecting your life and what you built.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I also want to say something important leaving an abusive situation can be complicated, and separation itself can be a dangerous period.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: People may be dealing with financial dependence, children, housing, threats, or fear.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not gonna sit here and tell everybody just leave, as though it may be that simple, right?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you can, sometimes you cannot.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: So you must understand your scenario and how you need to move.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing I will say is this if you find yourself in a scenario like that, where you're in a relationship or even a friendship family, think about the young lady from North Carolina that went to Mexico with friends.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: She's the only one that didn't make it back alive.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was two women and a gay guy, and not one person had enough empathy to say, wait a minute, y'all, let's not do this.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let's not do this.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: They went down there and killed the young lady and made up some stupid explanation and/or excuse.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I'm telling you, family, is this if you're in a scenario like this, where you can feel something is not right because energy don't lie, or if you got physical evidence, right?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Where they have done these different things, don't treat this as a casual situation, family.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Number one.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, when you decide to leave or get qualified support, family, don't feel obligated to tell them.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you what you gonna tell them for?
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't care anyway, why you was there.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why would you tell them if you're leaving?
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: See, a lot of times, too, family, when you tell somebody you leave it, not just in a relationship, sometimes friendship, you be like, you know what, I'm done with you.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or you know what I'm saying, or you try to tell them these one little things and you know get them together or tell them off.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what, family?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: You ain't do nothing but make them mad.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: You ain't did nothing but piss them off.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know why, family?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because they continue.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, they already mad because you're leveling up.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, now they're super pissed because who do you think you are leaving me?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you to cut me off?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: See, family, it's all about trying to put you in your place, it's all about trying to humble you and tamper and contaminate your confidence so you won't feel as powerful and confident that you're feeling.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want that, and it pisses people off.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've just seen it in so many different realms of how and in different dynamics.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is not all about being in a romantic relationship, too, family.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is co-worker.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times, family, it be friends, it be friends, and it be family members, too.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Don't ever forget that, family.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I want you to do is listen, when you're deciding that you're done with that, make a safety plan.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Don't feel obligated to meet them nowhere, don't be trying to get closure.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: The dis the last time they disrespected you was a piece of closure that you need.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's all the closure that you need.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because getting some type of verbal validation of closure or apology is not worth your life and your time.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that brings us back to the bigger lesson.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: You have to understand the environment you're returning to.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Put a new destination in your GPS, okay?
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is how I want you to think about your life.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: The first part of your journey is largely shaped by the circumstances that you didn't choose.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't choose your family you were born into, your childhood neighborhood, you didn't choose the environment you were raised in.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't choose every person who influenced your early life.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Some of those experiences gave you beautiful memories, some gave you valuable lessons, and some gave you wounds that you had to learn how to heal, right?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: But as you gain more independence and ability to make choices, you have an opportunity to become more intentional about the direction of your life.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where your GPS comes in.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine you're driving somewhere in your destination, and you enter your destination and you follow the directions, and eventually you realize you're heading somewhere you don't want to go.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: What does the GPS do?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: It recalculates.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: It recalculates, it doesn't just sit there arguing with you about the road you took three X's ago.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: No, it doesn't tell you to keep driving in circles because you've already invested so much gas, it gives you another route.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that's exactly what you need to do in life.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Recalculate.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: You learn what you needed to learn, you saw what you needed to see, you experienced what you need to experience.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's time to decide where you're going next.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the thing: you can't keep putting a new destination in your GPS while deliberately driving back to the same old address.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that address doesn't always mean a physical location, sometimes is an emotional address.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: The same argument, the same toxic dynamic, the same need for approval, the same environment that keeps pulling you into a version you're trying to leave behind.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to remember something for your best, you can't keep messing around with your past mess.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: You got to leave it right there, okay?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now let me add something else.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with going back to your hometown, okay?
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing wrong with visiting family and connecting with somebody from your past, right?
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with being proud of where you're from.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Some people go back and do extraordinary things for the communities that raise them, right?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: They do food drives, school clothes, school supplies, drives, things like that.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a difference between honoring roots and repeating a harmful pattern.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Your roots explain where you came from.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have to dictate where you're going.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can love people without giving them unlimited access.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: You can appreciate your upbringing without recreating every part of it.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can forgive somebody without immediately restoring the relationship, and you can remember the past without moving back into it.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's growth, not ignorance, not arrogance.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not thinking you're better than somebody else.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: Just understanding that the next chapter of your life may require different decisions.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the assignment, family.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Before you spend a block on anything you've already walked away from, ask yourself three questions.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, why did I leave in the first place?
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: Don't rewrite history because you're lonely, nostalgic, or having a difficult week.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the actual circumstances.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, what has genuinely changed?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not what somebody promised, not what you wish would happen.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: What consistent evidence do you have that, what consistent evidence do you have that the situation is different?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: The evidence, family, the evidence is going to tell you everything.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: And number three, what could returning cost you?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Would it cost you your time, your peace, your progress, your financial stability, your safety?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if there's a history of violence or threats or anything like that, family, don't try to answer the question alone.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Get appropriate help before making contact or returning.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you something too, family.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, if you do want to return, family, you got to just lay low.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be trying to go see everybody.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: See, family, that time of going to show love to everybody, that's over with.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's over with.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: When I go to my hometown now, family, I'm I stick, I keep it strictly to family.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: And there might be one to two people that I might go outside of that.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: But when I think about everybody that I've invested time in and doing all these different things, and there's evidence of disrespect, not appreciating my time and my efforts.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: They don't see me no more.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: You don't see me.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not pulling up on nothing.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can hit me on the gram, hit me on Facebook if you see me.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Other than that, you will not be blessed with my presence anymore.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the wisest move family is not another conversation, it's simply a new direction.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now, listen to me, family.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: Your past can teach you, your past can shape you, your past can even remind you of how far you've come, but your past doesn't automatically deserve another opportunity to control your future.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: And just because somebody had access to an earlier version of you doesn't mean they're entitled to every version that comes after that.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: So stop driving in circles trying to make an old destination, fit a new direction.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Recalculate, choose your route and keep it moving, family.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because the goal isn't to prove you've outgrown anybody, the goal is to stop outgrowing yourself and then volunteering to shrink back down to people just to make them comfortable.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: All right?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, guys, once you stop spinning the block, you got another decision to make who gets access now.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where our next episode, where we're going to be talking about gatekeeping your energy.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Don't just hear today's lesson, family.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Run the play.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to run this play, family, because for the success that you are due, we got to stop spinning the block.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because information is everywhere and execution is rare.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you at the next briefing.