Latest / Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck / Still Kicking: Talking About Children | Live Recording with Alexa Schill

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Still Kicking: Talking About Children | Live Recording with Alexa Schill · Alive & Kicking: Stories of Waking Up with Kay Eck

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, shoot.
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  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's just that meeting is now streaming live.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, let's see.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um oh, I see you.
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  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I see me.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Do you see me?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: I see you.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: Let's see if Alexandria sees us.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, we did it.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry everybody for the delay.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: We had so many problems.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um just like a change in format, and I didn't recognize it.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so um let's get back to Zoom here.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: There you are.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: The I'm here with the beautiful and patient Alexa Schill.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, Alexa.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Hi.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Hi today.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I just want to welcome everybody.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, um some people can come in now.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: If not, this broadcast will always be available where the Alive and Kicking podcast is available.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: And that is either on KEC.com or on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all the other uh places where you might view your podcast.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: So today, to this evening, Alexa and I are getting together to talk about children.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: And um welcome everybody.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: And if you um I want to say hi to Krista, who's been patiently waiting for us for almost 20 minutes now.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for waiting, Krista.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: And um, if anybody pops on and has questions, please put them in the chat, and Alexandria will make sure that we see them.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: And also, I would love for this to be a collaborative experience this evening.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: So we want to hear about your questions or your concerns or your experiences, your stories, your success stories, and you know, join in.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: So um, we've got seven watching, so let's get started.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to welcome Alexis Schill to the Still Kicking Podcast.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And um you have, you're kind of like the child whisperer in my eyes.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: You just have a, for as long as I've known you, you've had a really, really strong connection to children of all ages, young children, teens, um, adolescents.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: And my first question to you is did that come naturally to you, or was it something that you had to cultivate?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: It definitely came naturally.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: I um I just always have had a softness for children, um, more so for their honesty and their approach to life, I feel has such a wholeness.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know, it just always kind of seemed to be my thing.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, every job I've ever had has circled back to working with children, whether I intended to or not.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: And it just was always there, always part of me.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I think it's, you know, obviously everybody has the experience of being a child, but not everybody maintains that ability to connect either with the child within them, and then also with with children as they as they get old, get older.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm wondering if you think that this is something that people can work on or get better at.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, definitely.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think even what you and I were talking about last week, returning to that childlike wonder, I think that's kind of the whole point of evolving as a human, is to constantly try to find your way back to that surrender or to that level of openness and that level of humanity that children we all innately are born with.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I really believe that that's the whole point, and not just at the end of our life, not just where or when we have those moments of um desperation or feeling like our humanness is coming to the end, whether it's midlife or towards the end.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: But I feel like at every stage, kind of having the ability to cultivate the wonder, the hows, the whys, um, to let go of discrimination and just kind of have more of that purity that children have.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like that's something we can always work on and always find our way back to.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: But I don't think it ever leaves us.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's just how do we choose to come back to it, or do we choose to come back to it?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: I I think I was going to talk about this a little bit later, but um I think that we often come to our relationship with children from the wounds of our uh childhood.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: And that kind of prevents us sometimes from really letting ourselves fall into their experience.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm wondering, what does it look like to connect with a child?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you do it?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: I think you you do it, you know, everybody well, it's interesting.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: I think a lot of people do it in different ways, but I really feel like it's I don't want to say coming to their level, but it, I mean, with it with any child or any person, you want to find a way to connect.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it's it's really paying attention to that moment, to really being present.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: What's what's needed right there, right then?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: What are they saying?
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what's what is their body language telling you?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um are you are you seeing something that's there?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: Are you seeing something that you want to be there?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_02: I think the biggest way to connect with anybody is to is really to listen more and kind of be more of the observer as a way to figure out how to connect.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: So in your in your work, you have worked with a lot of children teaching yoga and meditation, and you're the author of several children's books, and you have a lot of experience working with children.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm wondering if you can tell us what happens for the child when an adult authentically connects with them.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: I feel, and and what I mean by they feel seen is they feel comfortable in that moment, whether it's for five minutes or five hours, to just thrive in their own skin, to just feel like they can be themselves and to explore that in a safe space or to explore something new that you're offering, um, to really build upon that level of confidence rather than I'm just showing you one way to do it, and if you don't do it this way, then you're failing.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think by offering that confidence in that safe spot, there's no room to fail because you're encouraging them just to really be who they are, and that's enough.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: And to come into that space with everything that they have, because what they have to offer is so unique because there's only one them in this whole entire world.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: So, so let's really build that aspect, let's build off of that.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: To me, that's always the core.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: So, in every class I've ever taught, or a meditation, or any opportunity that I have to work with kids, I really try to facilitate from that one space of there's only one you in this whole universe, and that is the biggest gift.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_02: And then we can branch off and fill in all the other spaces with whatever your life is needing.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: But that one thing, that's the magic, and we we don't need to change that.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, one of the things that I have found so incredibly interesting is that one of the questions that I like to ask the people that I interview for the Alive and Kicking podcast is what their sense of themselves was as a child.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: And often to almost all the time, they tell me that the way that they felt on the inside was dramatically different from the self that they presented to the outside world.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I find that so shocking because one, how do they learn to do that?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: And why?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: And how do we get inside the true experience of a child in order to find out what it is that they're actually experiencing and what they might need help with?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's like a huge question.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, wait, let's break this down.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I believe for the why and divine timing, I just was with Diana today talking to her about this.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: The the why would be because we all want love and we all want acceptance and we want to be part of whatever family we're born into, you know, from a young age.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_02: We really want to be part of that experience, and we want to we want to be seen.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I think we we try to fit what we're learning often through those those grown-ups or through those families.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: And we pick on we pick up on it very quickly at a very young age through tones of voice, facial expression, um, those grown-up experiences that we're born into.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: We learn very, very quickly how to adapt as humans to fit that situation.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: And often, you know, it could be a good experience, or it also could equate self-preservation and a necessity of what we're born into that may not match how we feel on the inside.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's that's probably a lot of it, both the self-preservation, but also still wanting to be part of that family.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: You're part of that experience at a young age.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I I feel too that there's so much potential for misunderstanding, and I say that because I had four kids under the age of six, and I would love to say that I was tending to the specific needs and gifts of each child on a regular basis, but sometimes you do end up clumping them together and saying, like, everybody needs to get in the car now.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so, but but you know, one person, one child's experience could be that you know, there was something going on with them, and they really were like afraid to get in the car or something was going on, and this becomes a trauma for them, and you don't even realize it.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want to hold parents to an impossible standard of having every perfect um situation, but how do we do a better job of that?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I really think it's I don't, I think often it's more what we do with situations after.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know, when it's brought to our attention, then how do we handle that conversation?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: Do we do we give it the conversation that our child needs?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: Is our child talking to us about it?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: Are we raising people that feel like they can come back and say, hey, you know, this was my experience from that?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that she didn't feel that way or he didn't feel that way, but I did.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think that's the real gift is that you raise somebody that's coming back to you and feels safe enough to talk to you about it.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: And then what are you gonna do with that conversation?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because we're not gonna get it perfect.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I feel like there are times where I go to bed at night and I'm like, oh my gosh, you know, did I look at her today when she was talking to me?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: Or was I doing a hundred other things as I'm talking to her, you know, running around the house, or when he tried to tell me something, did I give him a full five minutes?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: I think we all we all struggle with that balance.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because it's such a big crazy job, really.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: And how do you, I mean, that that would require slowing down to such a degree that you're noticing more and more and more about what is actually happening in the life of your child, and that's really hard to do, yeah.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Especially you're working and there there are other children in the family.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what what are some things that that you do to make sure that happens?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh, to stay present.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: I think I always have it in my mind to you know try to connect in different ways with each one.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, definitely check in.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: I I really think it's also being being mindful, because what you just said about clumping the kids together, you know, I mean that's that's the real deal.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we're we're all going somewhere and where everybody needs something at the exact same moment.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think that that's that's just real life, but but then how do we individualize those moments?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it is, it's just taking the time.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's not quantity really, it's the quality of time we're spending.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: And are we being really intentional with that time and making that a priority?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I really believe in slowing down and getting to know our children.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: And again, it does not have to be quantity, it's just being really intentional with the quality time and the small moments, the moments in the car, uh, the moments on the phone for a second, especially if you have older kids.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um, all of it, all of those little moments, they all help you get to know your child where they at, where they are along the way in that moment.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think that's important.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: I I think one of the things that I find difficult about that, even though my now my children are older, um that sometimes the quantity is important because it takes a while for the warm-up.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the warm up.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then you know, you're you're with them an hour before they really get to what's really on their mind, you know.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's true.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's hard, you know.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, that's true.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I think especially as our kids get older, we often only know them as much as they want us to.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think we go through this period where they're just they're also trying to figure out their life and separate and yeah, kind of figure out who they are.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: So it does, it takes a minute for that energy to adjust.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I remember because for my entire life, I'd always been an early riser.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: So with infants, that's like perfect, you know.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's but as my children became teenagers, they have their schedule, of course, shifted and they were up really late at night.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so in order to, and that's when they wanted to talk.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's when they sit around the kitchen and you know, snack and talk.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I had to like shift my schedule so that I could be there for those moments, but it was hard on me.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: I it was like it was not my preference, but it was my my purpose, you know.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's kind of why I why I had children was so that I could be there for those moments.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_02: But well, and maybe that goes back to the question of how do you connect?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's figuring out how does each child choose to connect with you.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I had the same thing.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: My oldest, he would tell me everything right when he was going to bed.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: Always, all always, and it would turn into the best conversations, but it was always at that time of day.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: And then my youngest, she's first thing in the morning.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then my middle, you know, you just have to get her alone in the car and she'll just spill it.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: So everybody has a different, a different way.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe it's that, maybe it's paying attention to when your children feel most comfortable to open up.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: You kind of didn't plan that very well because you have such a difference now in your kids.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: You had to and wake up early.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, but I'm learning so much.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I feel like I am learning so much through each of their experiences, and because of that, um that huge age gap, it's pretty amazing because I can see in real time maybe some of the things I can do better.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_02: Big time, you know, or some of the things I may have missed or um did too much of or not enough of.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's different for everybody, but definitely always learning.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: I want to just welcome Amanda and B.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for throwing up the hearts, B.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_01: Hope to get you on the podcast soon.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um so I I want to um ask you about what your feeling is about how children uh in general have changed over the years.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm wondering if you could start that perhaps by talking a little bit about how you viewed children in the era when you were growing up.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow, that's a good question.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, well, I think children in my era, we well, I think we were we were raised with a different sense of maybe following following the line that was kind of given within our family, whatever that looks like for your family.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um and really maybe trying to fit into that that space.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, five family dynamics when I was growing up.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I remember probably third or fourth grade, I was one of two or three people in the class whose mom was divorced.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, I I remember, and I I mean that just stands out to me.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: And that was in that was in the 80s, 90s.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: So it's interesting how much the family dynamic has changed.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think when I was growing up, you know, there was just kind of a different set of expectations that that maybe I didn't think to choose for myself, or if I did, at least for me personally, um I had to kind of fight my way for that individuality.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: And not that my parents weren't great parents, but um I think parenting now is is shifting because our children are shifting, and that individuality now in 2020 is is more open and more on the table, and those conversations are thankfully happening at a much younger age of what that looks like and what that feels like.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: And instead of, like you like you said before, kind of clumping everybody together, there is definitely a different sense of um individual support that we are now recognizing that there's not one way for six kids in the family, there's probably six to twenty different ways for each kid in the family to get to where they need to go.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's definitely evolved.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm really glad that that's evolved.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think that because of that growing and that evolution, the the kids that are growing into this space now, I know those conversations are happening much younger, but the support, hopefully, that they're able to obtain, whether at home or at school or or out there in their community, um, it's it's more of the majority instead of you know the minority.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: Instead of still trying to kind of fit into that one space, there's so many different opportunities to explore.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's wonderful.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: I think about the difference between myself growing up and my kids at the same ages, they are so much more self aware.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Not just self aware, but they're also much more aware of the they have a more worldly perspective on other people's experiences.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Experiences.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to, it's not that they're more compassionate, but they they know more about what other people go through.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, I grew up in the 60s and the 70s, and we were in a bubble because there was no communication with other people.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: And we we were compassionate about the people in our group, but of course, you know, we didn't have that larger sense of compassion.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: And it it's absolutely, I think it's such a beautiful thing that these children, they're just naturally compassionate.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, obviously, not everybody, because you know, we went through the whole bullying thing.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: And um, it's not universal, but in on on the whole, I feel like it's moving in that direction.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I think so too.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: And and it's not as isolating, you know, now because of whatever it is, whether it's social media or those conversations are happening more at school, in the communities, in the families, that self-reflection is being encouraged at a much younger age.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they're learning that even those self-care habits.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_02: So when you do have a big life experience at a younger age, I really feel that it's it feels less isolating, you know, than it did when we were growing up.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think there was, you know, there was a lot of, and because of the bubble, you know, you're in this bubble.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and now we we get a broader sense of the world and of our community, and we're able to hold space in a different way because of that.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: I guess that's also sort of a double-edged sword because it can be overwhelming for young children to know so much and um feel the weight of the differences between people.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's a lot to carry for young people.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: How do you help your children with that?
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I'd be interested if anybody watching wants to, you know, kind of chat in um what their experiences are or their children's experiences are with that.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I know for my kids, I can get a sense when we're talking about something, whether it's in the news or something in our community.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I often wait to see what questions they ask and kind of gauge the conversation around that.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I I also then ask them, you know, how do you think we could help?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: And it and even if it's a story that's across the world, there's often a story that will mirror that in your community in some way.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: So I I really try to kind of make it a full circle and I encourage them to think of well, what would you do in that situation?
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_02: Or why do you why do you feel sad?
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_02: What is that bringing up for you?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_02: And we explore it because I do want them to identify with that natural empathetic side, and I also want them to identify with the sense of community and and how to connect with that, and that it is possible to make a difference and to to learn from somebody else's story and and give back at the same time.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: And also I think it opens opportunity for them to identify maybe they had a similar experience and they didn't talk about it, or or maybe they can say, Oh, yeah, this happened and this is what I did.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: So it really does open up a good conversation.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: I think it it is heavy.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of different dynamics that our kids are experiencing right now, but I I do I do believe that even though it's heavy, again, it goes back to well, what can we what can we do with it?
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: I love that because it gives them agency, you know, but they can actually affect change in the world.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: And even and also I think it's just as important that they know that it's not their responsibility to fix everything in the world, but they do have a responsibility to do what they can, you know, within their own lives for sure, you know.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, definitely.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: And it gives that sense of empowerment and connection, and I think that's really important that that we encourage them to keep that.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, definitely.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: What are some of the challenges that you feel that today's children face that children in the past have not?
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_02: I think what first comes to mind, um you know, I often am like, well, the grown-ups, but I think it's so bad, but it's so true.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_02: And it and it probably has always been like this.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_02: I I mean, right?
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: There's always, you know, the generation that says, oh, well, your generation doesn't understand, and vice versa.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_02: But I really feel right now, um, I mean, kids are really accepting and they're really growing and learning at a different rate about social acceptance and um just acceptance all around.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I often think that it's the mentors, the teachers, um, the parents, the caregivers, whoever, who are maybe having a hard time with that and really are uncomfortable with that.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and sometimes there's a lack of willingness to open up and allow maybe the kids to lead and you know to kind of show the way, but I really think that's the whole point most of the time.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: We're really supposed to kind of pay attention to what they have to offer to learn by their actions and their thoughts.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: Circle back.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: This is this leads perfectly into Amanda's question.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she says that she's asking for advice on ways to let go of conditioned expectations of children.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: She so wants them to live their own truths, and yet she finds herself bumping up against layers of resistance and expectation based in her own story.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_01: And um, she says she's actively working on self-compassion, which I suspect is at the heart of this, but I'd love to hear your thoughts.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I just I just want to start out because um I feel that this is exactly what you're saying is to let them lead you through it, because that is the single hardest thing to do, I believe, because we're heading into completely uncharted territory.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: We've never been through what these children are going through right now, where they're gaining their authenticity and their sovereignty at a younger age, and we did not have the opportunity to do that, and so they have to be the ones to teach us because that's you know how it's set up.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, like, yes, of course, self-compassion because we're we know, you know, to to know that you're going against the expectations is that's the hardest thing, you know.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: What do you what do you think?
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's the hardest thing because then enters self-doubt and and fear.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: When I'm when I'm hearing from Amanda's question, I'm I'm thinking both the self-compassion, but also fear, you know, and and I'm wondering if if she would explore writing that down or or whatever tool she's using.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_02: But I find writing really helpful to kind of understand where my thoughts are coming from.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_02: But I really think a lot of it stems from fear, fear of letting go of that control, which which really is a false sense of self because we don't have control of over other people's lives.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we really don't have control often over our own.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: So, but it's hard with our children to look at them as a separate space from ourselves, but they are, I mean, they are not ours, they are they are theirs.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that unconditioning is very, very scary.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_02: But then comes that strength of all these these people are here for a reason as individual people, not as my son, not as my daughters, but as their own self on their own mission.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: And and maybe Amanda wasn't given that opportunity growing up, or maybe there is something along the way.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, and I think we all navigate sometimes from a place of fear because in the moment it makes us feel better because I think we feel like we're in control, but that's probably what she's feeling, is you know, it's it's not it's not gonna work, and she knows that.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that um to answer her question to help let go of that would really be to accept it and to know that she's doing the job she was supposed to do as a mom.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and maybe get get to writing.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_02: I I find even writing letters to my younger self helps pull back those layers because often what we bring to the table of parenting is what we were conditioned to learn or or how we were taught, um, and also what we did not receive.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: So I think we have fear coming from two different places, what we didn't receive, and also what we were conditioned to be the norm as part of having that type of relationship, which is hard to let go of.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I can I can speak to that a little bit because my children are a little bit older and I've had to let go of a lot of desire to advise them based on my knowledge of having been through things.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: And quite frankly, um that's I can't, I'm I am conditioned, so I have had to uh let go, and the but the thing is, is that the you can like I'll the for the example, I'm gonna give the example of school.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, we're we're going through this process where schooling is changing dramatically, and you may be realizing that for the benefit of your child's mental health, that you're advising them to skip assignments because there's too much, or you are realizing that perhaps your child is not interested in going to college and you've been conditioned to go to college, and there's no way that you're going to be able to know what's on the other side of that decision unless you let go and just let them live their lives.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's awful.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's terrible, yeah.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so Sage is um asking, let's see, I don't know if this is a question or a statement, but my daughter has to block stuff out as she knows a lot for her age, and some of her peers cannot go there in conversation.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, as parents, we walk, we talk to them and nurture that wisdom.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_01: We don't question the wisdom or make them feel crazy.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately, there are plenty of people out there who cannot nurture this.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow, what do you think?
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's amazing that they are intentionally creating a space for their daughter to feel heard and to feel seen because eventually that will level up as she gets older through her life experiences and as her bubble becomes bigger.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I think, I mean, I think that's very common.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know, our kids come to us at different spaces in their in their souls, I believe.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know, the coin phrase, oh, you're an old soul, I mean, that definitely comes from somewhere.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I I really think that's that's wonderful that they are holding space for her and giving her that at home because it it will it will shift as she gets older and she'll find the right people.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I I mean, I get that it's tricky when our kids are younger and they have that wisdom and they have that knowledge, or their life experiences are completely different than than their surroundings or their town.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_02: But if you can give them that space at home, I mean that's their base, that's all they need, I feel like.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: I I wonder if I could just go back to Amanda's point for one second, because I have found I'm right now in the position of learning a lot about codependency from my children.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that if you can join into a collaboration with your children where they're they know that part of their function is teaching you how to be a better parent.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_01: That and if you can come to that space without feeling wounded about it, that you've done something wrong or you're being called out, um, I it becomes a really beautiful space where they're not afraid to tell you that their expectations of you are different than the expectations that you might have for yourself.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're not triggered by that, it's like, oh, that's really interesting.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: Can you tell me more about that?
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure that this is this hasn't been my experience, so I'm not quite sure, you know, where we want to go with this, but I really want to know what you know how we can work on this.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: And it's it's been um then nothing, nothing's off the table.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: They're not worried about your feelings, they're not worried about um making you feel bad, you know, all that stuff that we that that is codependency.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_01: We if you want to have that mature, connected, intimate relationship with your children, you have to be willing to heal your wounds and let's let that that parent-child dynamic go.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, definitely.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_02: I I agree completely, because then you you are you are cultivating an honest relationship, which is is what we all want.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's really the the end goal.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_02: I I mean, and to thrive in that and to be able to know our our children at every age and and to see the adults that they become, and they really are a mere reflection.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, they really are.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I feel like we're growing up with them as much as they're growing up with us, sometimes more if you have that conversation with oh my gosh, I have found myself in a few of those conversations lately with my oldest, and it's it's amazing.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, yeah, I did not know that or I didn't think of it that way.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and how could I?
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_02: Because that's his perception of us and of our relationship, so it's it's pretty awesome when you can do that, yeah, yeah.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_01: I I think too that we're heading into a world where there are going to be so many more opportunities for each of us to carve our own path, yeah, and that we don't have to follow the dictates of a previous generation anymore, and so it's gonna become easier for parents to let go and to see their children become successful in the ways that feel appropriate to them, right?
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_01: And at the pace that feels right to them.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_02: No, definitely, and and to know that maybe that's the whole point, you know, that's the whole point, is is to get them to that point and then and then see what happens and to not have that timeline that is ingrained in all of us.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_02: I think and I hope that that timeline starts to really break down because it is so different for everybody.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: It is so different.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: I actually think that that has been, I mean, one of the most damaging things is that timeline we as humans have that we've all seem to follow.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: Because when and how do we get to that point where we decide, okay, you're 18 now, and you should you should know everything and go do this and go do that, and now you're 24.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, we have all these bullet points in that timeline that's so false.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_02: It is so false, and it stops us from getting to know ourselves along the way, and it stops us from getting to know our children along the way.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it doesn't make sense, yeah.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: Putting them on a treadmill or in a like a maze, you know, like here's your maze, like yeah, find your maze.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, or you didn't do it my way.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, that was wrong.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I always flip-flop in conversations like that.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_02: I find myself in them all the time.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so what do you think that children are coping well with?
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_01: And what do you think they need they still they need help with right now?
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_02: I think children are for the most part at a younger age coping very well with knowing well, maybe always.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think children really, really do know how they feel about whatever, whatever the topic is.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I really believe because of this time, more of those conversations are on the table, or we have more of maybe uh definitions for certain feelings or certain ways that we feel we are, I feel like children are able to express that more openly at a younger age.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_02: And because of those expanded conversations or being able to not always be in your bubble and to be able to experience other people outside of your community in your world, children are are doing really, really well with that and that acceptance.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they they really they really are, and and also doing well with maybe not feeling like they have to fit in to a certain bucket or a certain square, um, just because their family or school or whatever their environment is is telling them that they should.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_02: I think they're doing really, really well with saying, no, I'm not supposed to, or that that really doesn't feel right at a younger age.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_02: And they're they're holding on to that more.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that's really important because I think that that's where a lot of the damage comes in for most people along the way is trying to fit into something or somewhere that really is not who they are on the inside.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_02: So then I think that's where they need the most help now.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: They need us, whoever the us is mentors, teachers, parents, grandparents, um to meet them where they are and to ask, how can I help you?
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what do you feel about that?
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and to ask those questions instead of dismissing, well, you don't know how you feel because you're this age, or you know, you you don't know how you feel because you haven't had that life experience yet.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we really need to let go of those assumptions and ask those questions.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think about it?
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_02: How do you feel about it?
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_02: Do you need my help?
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I think a lot of times, um, by just asking those questions, we we help them figure it out by letting them figure it out.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's that's the biggest thing.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, even if even if it turns out to be um not the right thing in the moment, or they feel at the end result, maybe it was a mistake, whatever that is, at least.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: It was theirs instead of us self-imposing.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's a big one.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's what they need.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_02: They need that mentorship.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_02: They need that mentorship more than they do somebody to do it for them or to make them do it that conditioned way.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of feel like a child's success on that route is in direct proportion to the parents' ability to let go of the expectations.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_02: Definitely.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_02: Which the expectations, I mean, I don't think often as parents we know what those expectations are.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_02: I feel I feel like they come to us at certain moments or we have a certain response that maybe we don't even expect to have, good or bad.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, often we learn more from probably the bad, and we're like, oh, I can't believe I did that.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_02: Why did I respond that way?
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_02: But then there's that opportunity to heal, and like you were saying, you know, to really look at the codependency and that relationship and really do a lot of self-reflection.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think that that's where that opportunity to really learn and grow together, that's where it's cultivated.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's not an easy thing either.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of trickiness to it.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you think about the example of treat or teaching your child to be kind, um there's there's some area in there where it would be very easy to overstep and to require your child's response in a given situation to be one that you want them to have because of how it reflects on you as a part.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, of course, right?
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, how can you let your children be in the world in a way that maybe you're not so excited about?
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's hard.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think it comes back to that that surrendering and knowing that they are their own people.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_02: Above all, above everything else, they really are their own people.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I and I know that there's a lot of attachment to our children being a reflection of how good we are as parents and people.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I understand that, but I also think that it's always it's always adjusting, it's always tweaking those moments.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_02: And if there, if there's a moment that you're not comfortable with, I think it's again having having those conversations, you know, asking those questions, why do you think that way, or why did you act that way, or why was it why was that your response?
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_02: And not in a patronizing way, but in in a way that you understand, because often maybe the response is going to be totally different than your emotional response to that moment, which I find fascinating because that's a false story in your head that you're responding with.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but it's also it's also allowing that space for them to be their own people and trying to separate from that reflection.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's really hard because there are people, there are children.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so how what do you what do you think to uh today's children need in terms of, you know, we've talked a lot about what they need in terms of parenting, you know, you're talking about mentoring, but taking that a step further, what do they need from the systems, education, health, government?
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_01: What do they need there?
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh, attention.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_02: Attention in like an attention.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_02: When I say attention, I don't mean attention of, well, this is how we do it, this is this is the only way.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_02: They need attention in regards to opportunity because we are changing as a world, and these children, I mean, they are just brilliant.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_02: They really truly are so aware and really trying to maintain that comfortability in their own skin.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: And because everything is on the table and those conversations are happening in regards to um whatever, if it's sexuality, uh, race, different types of education, different ways of learning, different types of opportunity in education.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's really that's really what they need.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_02: They need that attention and that opportunity to have those experiences in in those different ways, because it it's not one size fits all.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_02: And it's just it's not it's not working.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's just definitely not working.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_02: It really and I don't I don't expect it.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_02: I I think there's a huge push for that change and that shift.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_02: And and I think they they just really need that attention and and that self-care.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_02: They need to be taught, you know, how to do that at a much younger age, and and to kind of drive those passions, not not just in in one regard as well, you go to school to learn XYZ.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you're in life, you are learning every single day from life.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_02: What is your experience around you?
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_02: What is your community?
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_02: What do you feel pulled to?
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then back to the self-care.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_02: What makes you feel anxious?
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I really think we need to level up with that in our system, especially in school, with a lot of the mental health that the kids are expressing, they are talking about, and they do want that help, you know.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that there are a lot of resources out there, but with that said, I think it's it's often hard to have those resources, but also have to still maintain those expectations that don't that don't match maybe who that person is.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_02: So we that's why I say attention and opportunity.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_02: We need to have other opportunities for these kids to learn in ways that are that they're gonna be most successful.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's just it can't be one way.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I kind of feel like Sage is commenting here that she feels the systems are not built for our kids' generation, the systems need to change to be able to nurture their inner wisdom.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_01: Right now, they the systems are very patriarchal in nature, and um I I do feel that we are on the brink of an explosively positive era for our children.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_01: But what we're going through now, it there's so many growing pains.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's kind of um, you know, it's quite messy and we're we make a lot of mistakes and people's people are hurt in the in the process, but I I generally feel like we're on the brink of something absolutely amazing.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I want with that, I want to shift um just slightly to talk about special needs children because you have quite a bit of experience working with um with those populations.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I just want to ask you how well we're doing as a society recognizing, celebrating, and supporting the individual gifts and needs of children.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's a great question.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think the pendulum tends to swing at any given moment.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think that the opportunities are opening up more, kind of like you said, we're kind of at this breaking point because you know, even um even across the board, I feel like there's a normalcy that is being pushed to the surface of we are talking more and we are talking about everything.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_02: And and I've always had an open door policy in my classroom, meaning, you know, everybody could join.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_02: And and I I I didn't even, I mean, it was kind of one of those things that I started more of like, well, of course, why wouldn't it be that way?
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_02: Because to me, that's reflective of our community, that's reflective of the world, and it shouldn't be, you know, us over here and them over here, because that's that's not who we are as humans.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that oh, my hope is that that becomes more of the norm.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_02: I I think often um we tend to talk about it and maybe be a little behind in that inclusiveness and in that action.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I I think that I see that shifting a little bit for the positive.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_02: I think that that that is definitely, and again, it goes back to the kids.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_02: Kids are so aware of that of being inclusive.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_02: Kids do not see that separation as a necessity, they're also not uncomfortable, you know.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_02: I think I I see a lot of these adults in these situations that they don't know how to navigate, so they don't.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_02: And really, all you have to do is ask the question what are you most comfortable with?
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_02: How can I help you?
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_02: How would you feel most comfortable being here?
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but kids don't have the same hangups.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_02: So I really think that that's the biggest thing as adults, if we can drive that open classroom um environment in our everyday world, and then again kind of follow, follow the kids' lead.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's really just that simple.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's kind of a perfect way for us to um segue and also maybe conclude our conversation tonight is for you to talk a little bit about the books that you've written because they are really intended to help adults uh more than the children to navigate these conversations and to, you know, kind of help the adults in the so can you talk a little bit about your books?
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_02: Definitely, definitely.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_02: The first one uh came out in 2018, Harriet the Hippie Yogamas.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_02: And that was um the character Harriet is based on bedtime stories that I used to tell our oldest child when he was younger.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_02: And the reason I started telling them stories at night instead of always reading them a book was at the time I couldn't find a book that reflected our community and our world of all these really colorful, amazing people that he was growing up with and growing around.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and also I started practicing yoga when I was pregnant with him, and for me, that was always a life changer and a lifesaver with meditation and coming back to that center and that sense of self, even when I felt pretty chaotic on the outside.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_02: So that that book was a reflection then of those stories and then of the classes that I would teach to these kids.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_02: And for me, I really see my books in a classroom setting at a young age or or in homes with people to have kind of a roadmap on how to start those conversations with their kids, or or even how do I meditate?
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_02: How do I get back into my body in that moment and know that I can always do that?
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_02: I can always go there, and and I have that that power and I have that that choice to always go there.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_02: So the first book is more of kind of a a roadmap for that, and then the second book, Harriet's Rainbow Black Purdy, that came out this year during Pride Week in our world of COVID.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_02: But it's you know, I I love that book because for me, that book was reflective of the kids that I have gotten to work with over the last four or five years, and I've learned so, so much from this generation.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_02: And some of them I started working with when they were 12, 11, 10, and now they're 15, 16, 17, 18, and to see their journey.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_02: And Harriet's Rainbow Block Party again was reflective of my childhood, a little bit growing up in the city with my mom.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_02: We always had black parties and the most colorful people everywhere, you know.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it just I never thought that the world wasn't colorful until we moved to the suburbs, but it's yeah, until we moved.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_02: But um, you know, so that was my experience.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_02: But then then these kids.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_02: So in Harriet's Rainbow Block Party, I do offer a lot of different definitions that our kids are growing up with now in regards to who they identify with themselves to be.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_02: And it's not even it is for them because often you may not know, you know, oh, I feel like I I'm this way or I'm that way.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_02: And it does offer a definition, maybe, but also it's more for again the adults, the teachers, the mentors to have those conversations at a younger age because I mean, our kids already know how they feel, they already know who they are, you know, at that age, or they're they're learning and trying to navigate.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_02: So if if we can catch up to them and have that conversation at a younger age, there's that different level of inclusion that is so incredibly important that we really need to teach at a younger age because our world is moving in that direction, and we want it to be safe and supportive for everybody.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, don't you feel like that's the nature of children is to be open and accepting and like judgment is the furthest thing from their mind, like it that it doesn't even occur to them, it's just like, oh, you know, I know this is life.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly, yes, and that's how to judge, and definitely.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I think as we get older and we're we're navigating through through life, we lose that.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_02: We either we either lose it through fear of being judged ourselves or through what we're being taught, even though it doesn't feel right inside.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, kids, kids are furthest thing from the truth.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_02: So my main intention with that book was I wanted, I really want it in part of an early elementary, even um part of their education throughout, you know, K, first, second, third, and up to to have it just be normal, just have it be, because it is normal, you know.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_02: The way we we are reacting to it, it hasn't really quite been normal.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I mean, it's just it seems so silly to me, but again, it's such a necessity because we we want to create that safe environment.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I would much rather have everybody feel safe in that space to be who they need to be than not have them be here at all.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, um, Krista's saying that she's always wondered what it would be like to teach our children the fundamental fundamentals of how to be responsible, self-respecting, and self-soothing to explore our humanity through love, compassion, and inspiring as normal.
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's hard, I think.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's a lot of letting go and circling back, you know, circling back within yourself in order to be able to know what you're feeling and to know what you're teaching.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's a beautiful place to end our conversation today.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to encourage you to um put your information in the chat and um let people know where they can find your books and how they can find you on social media because you have some um beautiful and inspiring things to say.
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to thank you so much for your time this evening and for sharing your beautiful wisdom with us.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_01: I really appreciate it.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, everybody, who joined us for the live today.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_01: And don't forget that you can also watch the replay where you listen to your podcasts and um let us know if there's anything that you want to hear about from any of the alive and kicking guests.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_01: All right, thank you.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, everybody.
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_01: Have a good evening, bye Alexa.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_01: Bye, King.