Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / Life Advice | I had an affair with my boss, My friend has become a soggy lemon + More

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Life Advice | I had an affair with my boss, My friend has become a soggy lemon + More · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:11
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beings, and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
0:15
Speaker 1: So this is a Head Noise episode. We are going through,
0:18
Speaker 1: and by we, I am going through your listener questions,
0:21
Speaker 1: and I'm giving you my advice. And as usual, sometimes
0:25
Speaker 1: I won't be able to come up with the exact
0:26
Speaker 1: answer for you because I obviously have just a small
0:29
Speaker 1: insight into what it is that you're going through. But
0:31
Speaker 1: at the very least, I try and give you a
0:33
Speaker 1: different angle to look at what it is that you're
0:35
Speaker 1: going through. Maybe I ask you questions that you haven't
0:38
Speaker 1: yet asked yourself, and it helps you see your situation
0:41
Speaker 1: from a different perspective, and then you just get closer
0:44
Speaker 1: to your own solution. So if I can't give you
0:46
Speaker 1: a solution, then I hope that I can get you
0:48
Speaker 1: close to it. Life update. I'm not going to delve
0:53
Speaker 1: too much into a life update, but if you are
0:55
Speaker 1: watching the video, I have gone darker with my hair.
1:00
Speaker 1: If I ever, I was saying to Mariam, oh my God,
1:02
Speaker 1: that's a fucking life update. I've hired a new girl, woman.
1:06
Speaker 1: I've hired a new woman. Her name is Mariam. And
1:09
Speaker 1: we actually met because she used to work for my obstetrician.
1:14
Speaker 1: And so we had met beforehand. And then when she
1:16
Speaker 1: applied for the job, she was like, hey, remember me, fucking. Anyway,
1:21
Speaker 1: long story short, so many like different ways that we
1:24
Speaker 1: had aligned in our life. And then when we met
1:26
Speaker 1: up for the interview, it was just, you know, fate,
1:28
Speaker 1: you know. So I've hired Mariam. This is literally like
1:30
Speaker 1: her second or third day, so we're very excited. Anyway,
1:34
Speaker 1: so I said to Mariam, if I ever want to
1:36
Speaker 1: go lighter with my hair, slap me, unconscious, because I
1:40
Speaker 1: think I'm just destined to have my natural hair colour,
1:43
Speaker 1: which is very dark, very dark brown, and sometimes it
1:45
Speaker 1: looks black on camera, which I don't hate. Anyway, we're
1:48
Speaker 1: going to get straight into the questions. I've got three
1:50
Speaker 1: email questions that you guys have sent in, so let's
1:54
Speaker 1: not fuck around. Let's do this. Hi, Alexis. I'm writing
1:59
Speaker 1: to you because I genuinely don't know how to move
2:02
Speaker 1: on from something that has completely changed me. And I
2:05
Speaker 1: feel like I need someone to tell me what I'm
2:07
Speaker 1: supposed to do from here. A few years ago, I
2:09
Speaker 1: became involved with my boss who was married. What started
2:12
Speaker 1: as an emotional connection became something incredibly intense. And for years,
2:16
Speaker 1: I held onto the belief that eventually he would choose me.
2:19
Speaker 1: He never did. He stayed with his wife and I
2:22
Speaker 1: was left trying to somehow accept that while still having
2:24
Speaker 1: this incredibly strong attachment to him, We eventually tried to
2:27
Speaker 1: turn what we had into a friendship and there have
2:30
Speaker 1: been genuinely beautiful parts of that friendship, which I think
2:32
Speaker 1: has made letting go even harder. I have already so
2:36
Speaker 1: much to say about this. It's just not even funny.
2:38
Speaker 1: The complicated part is that this hasn't, that it hasn't
2:41
Speaker 1: always stayed a friendship. We have still been intimate with
2:43
Speaker 1: each other. even after everything that happened and despite him
2:45
Speaker 1: remaining married. I know I'm responsible for participating in that.
2:49
Speaker 1: I'm not pretending I have no agency or that I
2:50
Speaker 1: haven't made choices I need to take accountability for. But
2:53
Speaker 1: what destroys me is that I have this enormous attachment
2:56
Speaker 1: to him because of our history. He knows how deeply
2:58
Speaker 1: I have loved him, how badly the original situation hurt
3:01
Speaker 1: me and how difficult it has been for me to
3:03
Speaker 1: detach from him. So when we cross that line again,
3:05
Speaker 1: a part of me inevitably wonders what it means to
3:08
Speaker 1: him and why he continues doing it when he knows
3:10
Speaker 1: what it does to me emotionally. I'm going to get
3:12
Speaker 1: back to that point. When I ask him that, his
3:14
Speaker 1: response is essentially, you're there to hold yourself accountable. And technically,
3:18
Speaker 1: he's right. I am there too. But emotionally, the answer
3:21
Speaker 1: devastates me. Because I'm not asking him whether I participated.
3:24
Speaker 1: I know I did. I'm asking why he continues to
3:28
Speaker 1: participate too, knowing our history, knowing how attached I am,
3:31
Speaker 1: knowing he's still married, and knowing that I'm the one
3:34
Speaker 1: who has spent years trying to recover from never being chosen.
3:37
Speaker 1: I have bipolar disorder, and I know this plays a
3:39
Speaker 1: huge role in the intensity of my attachment and my
3:42
Speaker 1: fear of abandonment. intellectually I can understand the situation I
3:45
Speaker 1: can understand that someone who truly would choose me would
3:48
Speaker 1: have wouldn't have left me waiting for years I can
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Speaker 1: understand that continuing to be intimate with him and keeping
3:52
Speaker 1: him close is probably reinforcing the exact attachment I'm desperately
3:56
Speaker 1: trying to escape but understanding something and actually being able
3:59
Speaker 1: to detach from it are two completely different things he
4:01
Speaker 1: became someone I associated with safety comfort and emotional regulation
4:05
Speaker 1: while simultaneously being the person connected to some of the
4:07
Speaker 1: deepest hurt I've ever experienced The part I struggle to
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Speaker 1: explain to people is that this doesn't feel like a
4:12
Speaker 1: normal heartbreak anymore. It feels like grief that has become
4:15
Speaker 1: part of me. I don't think I'm sitting around expecting
4:18
Speaker 1: him to suddenly leave his wife and come running to me.
4:21
Speaker 1: I think what I'm grieving is the fact that after
4:23
Speaker 1: everything between us, after years of emotional and physical intimacy,
4:26
Speaker 1: I still wasn't the person he chose. And I don't
4:28
Speaker 1: know how to make peace with that. Recently, our friendship
4:30
Speaker 1: has deteriorated too. We argue constantly. I feel rejected or
4:33
Speaker 1: abandoned incredibly easily. His responses trigger me and then I
4:38
Speaker 1: become overwhelmed. We have a huge argument, reconnect, promise to
4:41
Speaker 1: communicate differently and somehow end up in the exact same
4:43
Speaker 1: place again. I know it isn't healthy. I know another
4:46
Speaker 1: person cannot be responsible for regulating my emotions. I know
4:49
Speaker 1: I probably need distance from him. I never wanted to
4:51
Speaker 1: do this to another woman. I'm glad you brought that
4:55
Speaker 1: up because it took you a fucking long time to
4:56
Speaker 1: get around to that. But anyway, I was manipulated a lot,
4:58
Speaker 1: but I also don't want to make excuses for my
5:00
Speaker 1: own actions. The thought of completely losing him feels unbearable too.
5:03
Speaker 1: I've tried therapy. I've tried distracting myself, dating other people,
5:07
Speaker 1: being angry with him, forgiving him, accepting what happens and
5:10
Speaker 1: telling myself I deserve better. None of it seems to
5:13
Speaker 1: reach the part of me that is still attached to him.
5:16
Speaker 1: Some days I can barely eat. I struggle to function
5:18
Speaker 1: normally when things between us are bad. I feel physically
5:20
Speaker 1: sick from the grief and anxiety. Sometimes I feel complete
5:23
Speaker 1: dread inside, like this situation took something from me that
5:26
Speaker 1: I don't know how to get back. He still talks
5:28
Speaker 1: about us being friends sometimes when I am in the
5:30
Speaker 1: pits of despair, even after he's more or less cut
5:33
Speaker 1: me off, which is so confusing. So I think I
5:35
Speaker 1: have a few questions. I fucking have a few questions actually.
5:38
Speaker 1: But anyway, how do you grieve someone who's still alive
5:41
Speaker 1: and still accessible to you? How do I stop interpreting
5:44
Speaker 1: him not choosing me as proof that there was something
5:48
Speaker 1: about me that wasn't good enough to be chosen? And
5:50
Speaker 1: how do I actually detach from someone when losing them
5:53
Speaker 1: feels more painful than continuing a relationship that I know
5:56
Speaker 1: is hurting me? There is so much that I have
6:00
Speaker 1: to say about this. It's crazy. Okay, firstly, this person
6:05
Speaker 1: should not be accessible to you ever again. You need
6:07
Speaker 1: to cut this person out of your life completely for
6:09
Speaker 1: many reasons, for many reasons, one of them being your
6:13
Speaker 1: mental health and your healing. And then another one of
6:16
Speaker 1: those reasons being that this man is a piece of shit, okay?
6:20
Speaker 1: He's a piece of shit because number one, what he's
6:24
Speaker 1: done to his wife, number one. And then number two,
6:27
Speaker 1: what he's done to you. Because at least you are
6:30
Speaker 1: aware that he's a dog that goes behind his wife's
6:33
Speaker 1: back and he's a cheating dog. You at least know
6:35
Speaker 1: that and you're choosing to date that. His poor fucking
6:38
Speaker 1: wife probably doesn't know this. So she's being left in
6:41
Speaker 1: the dark instead of given the opportunity so she can
6:43
Speaker 1: fuck off and fuck someone else if she wants to.
6:45
Speaker 1: But no, he's building this lie around her and deceiving
6:48
Speaker 1: her every fucking day and every fucking night. So that's
6:50
Speaker 1: why I'm like, it's worse what he's done to her
6:53
Speaker 1: than what he's done to you. Because at least you
6:55
Speaker 1: see the full picture. You're choosing to stay with him
7:00
Speaker 1: despite seeing the full picture. This woman doesn't have that
7:05
Speaker 1: choice because he's not been honest and open with her
7:08
Speaker 1: and said, hey, I'm a cheating dog. Do you want
7:11
Speaker 1: to stay with me or not? Do you want to
7:12
Speaker 1: stay married or not? That's the thing that pisses me
7:14
Speaker 1: the most about affairs. If people have an open marriage,
7:17
Speaker 1: go for it. Like, how does that affect me? Love that.
7:19
Speaker 1: Love the honesty. It's the deceiving and the height of
7:25
Speaker 1: this man, the height of this cunt to be like, oh,
7:29
Speaker 1: you know, my wife still, it's like, give her the
7:31
Speaker 1: chance to leave. She probably wants, oh, anyway, I'm just
7:35
Speaker 1: firing myself up. So number one, you need to cut
7:38
Speaker 1: this man out of your life. The idea that you
7:40
Speaker 1: guys have a friendship, that's not a friendship. You need
7:43
Speaker 1: to reassess your definition of a friendship if you think
7:48
Speaker 1: that what you had with him was a friendship because
7:50
Speaker 1: it absolutely was not. You need to either find new
7:54
Speaker 1: friends to understand what a real friendship is or stop
7:57
Speaker 1: kidding yourself and saying that that was a friendship because
7:59
Speaker 1: it's one of the two. Either you don't have a
8:01
Speaker 1: good representation of real friendship or you know what a
8:04
Speaker 1: real friend is and you're lying to yourself saying that
8:07
Speaker 1: that's what he represented. He is deceiving you. He's playing you.
8:12
Speaker 1: He doesn't value you. He also doesn't value his wife.
8:15
Speaker 1: It's a consistent behavior. You expect him to treat you well,
8:20
Speaker 1: but you're okay with him treating his wife badly. It's crazy.
8:26
Speaker 1: You are seeing exactly what you need to see. His
8:29
Speaker 1: behavior is laid out on a fucking platter. And I'll
8:32
Speaker 1: give him this, he's consistent. He's fucking consistent. He treats
8:36
Speaker 1: the people that he dates like absolute shit. No one's
8:39
Speaker 1: a priority in his life. He doesn't make you a priority.
8:40
Speaker 1: He's also not making his wife a priority. You're saying
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Speaker 1: that he chose her? How? He's cheating on her. How? Also,
8:47
Speaker 1: are you the first affair that he's ever had? Are
8:50
Speaker 1: you the only affair that he's having? Like there's so
8:53
Speaker 1: many unanswered questions. So if I were you, the number
8:56
Speaker 1: one thing you need to do is eradicate this man
8:58
Speaker 1: out of your life. Whether it hurts, whether it doesn't hurt,
9:00
Speaker 1: you'll be way more in pain being in this man's
9:03
Speaker 1: life or having this man in your life than not.
9:05
Speaker 1: And I don't want you to come up with excuses,
9:07
Speaker 1: but my job, my employment are too bad, so sad.
9:09
Speaker 1: Nothing comes before your mental health. Nothing. Nothing. So if
9:12
Speaker 1: you're in a position where not only are you working
9:14
Speaker 1: with him but working for him because he's your boss,
9:17
Speaker 1: there's always going to be this power imbalance, this inappropriate dynamic,
9:21
Speaker 1: and you need to get the fuck out of there, okay?
9:23
Speaker 1: There is no excuses. You need to get out of
9:26
Speaker 1: there and start over elsewhere. There is literally not one
9:30
Speaker 1: excuse that you could tell me that I think is
9:31
Speaker 1: acceptable because even if you're like, oh, but financially and
9:34
Speaker 1: the money and the this and the that, so it's
9:36
Speaker 1: all well and good but your mental health is in
9:39
Speaker 1: the fucking dumps. So that's not a reason. Get the
9:43
Speaker 1: fuck out. This man is done. He's as good as
9:47
Speaker 1: dead as far as you're aware, okay? That's number one.
9:50
Speaker 1: Number two, how do you stop interpreting him not choosing
9:54
Speaker 1: me as proof that there was something about me that
9:58
Speaker 1: wasn't good enough to be chosen? Because like I said,
10:02
Speaker 1: look at his track record of behavior. At what point
10:05
Speaker 1: does he actually choose someone as a way of showing respect?
10:10
Speaker 1: Being romantically involved with someone and them being romantically involved
10:16
Speaker 1: with you versus them respecting you are two completely different categories.
10:20
Speaker 1: You can date, shag, marry as many people as you like,
10:26
Speaker 1: but respecting them is something completely different. At no point
10:29
Speaker 1: has he actually respected you, nor has he respected his wife.
10:34
Speaker 1: You've got to look at how this man operates. and
10:38
Speaker 1: what his motivators are. I feel like this guy loves
10:42
Speaker 1: to be in power. He loves to push his power around.
10:45
Speaker 1: You made him feel big. The fact that he was
10:47
Speaker 1: able to keep a wife and also keep a mistress
10:49
Speaker 1: and be your boss, so beyond inappropriate, I can't even
10:52
Speaker 1: put it into words. He likes power. That's what he likes.
10:56
Speaker 1: Sorry to say it, but he didn't, he wasn't in
10:58
Speaker 1: love with you in the right way. He might've cared
11:00
Speaker 1: for you in a sense that made him feel good
11:02
Speaker 1: about himself, but it was for selfish purposes, okay? When
11:06
Speaker 1: you truly love someone, You have to be selfless. Otherwise,
11:09
Speaker 1: it's not true love. Real love means that you have
11:14
Speaker 1: to put yourself out somewhat for the other person. You've
11:19
Speaker 1: got to do things for the other person. Some people
11:22
Speaker 1: might call it sacrifice. You might not see it as
11:23
Speaker 1: a sacrifice, but you've got to factor the other person in,
11:27
Speaker 1: not just physically, but emotionally. He doesn't even do that
11:31
Speaker 1: with his wife. So why do you think he would
11:32
Speaker 1: do that with you? So instead of looking at it
11:35
Speaker 1: as a reflection of am I good enough, am I not,
11:37
Speaker 1: am I this, am I that, it's not about the
11:39
Speaker 1: labels that it means about you. It's who is this
11:42
Speaker 1: character and why am I choosing to associate myself with
11:45
Speaker 1: this person? If I decided, you know what? I'm just
11:49
Speaker 1: going to start hanging around with absolute flops of individuals,
11:53
Speaker 1: people that talk to me like shit, treat me like shit,
11:57
Speaker 1: never respond to my calls, never want to do anything,
12:00
Speaker 1: never invite me anywhere. They're going to be my new friends.
12:03
Speaker 1: How do you think I'm going to feel? Within a
12:04
Speaker 1: few months, I'm going to be like, wow, I feel
12:07
Speaker 1: like a piece of shit. I feel like no one
12:08
Speaker 1: loves me. Look at the circles that you're hanging around with.
12:10
Speaker 1: You need to start eliminating left, right, and center. Okay.
12:14
Speaker 1: The relationship has to be reciprocal, not just with people
12:16
Speaker 1: you're having an affair with, but also with people that
12:19
Speaker 1: you are friends with, people that you associate yourself with,
12:22
Speaker 1: even your family members. Okay. So you need to look
12:26
Speaker 1: at this as coldly as possible and say, as much
12:29
Speaker 1: as I can sit here and feel like the victim
12:30
Speaker 1: in this situation and say that it feels like I'm
12:32
Speaker 1: not good enough, but that feeling of not good enough
12:34
Speaker 1: is more rooted than this affair. I can tell you
12:37
Speaker 1: that that's coming from something deeper as well. Because if
12:41
Speaker 1: you genuinely don't feel good enough and that you weren't chosen, whatever,
12:44
Speaker 1: we need to work on that relationship that you have
12:46
Speaker 1: with yourself. And that likely, maybe not, I could be wrong,
12:50
Speaker 1: but likely stemmed prior to this affair. Maybe not, but
12:54
Speaker 1: very likely. Now you say, lastly, how do I detach
12:58
Speaker 1: from someone when losing them feels more painful than continuing
13:01
Speaker 1: a relationship that I know is hurting me? Because that's
13:04
Speaker 1: a lie you're telling yourself. You think it feels more painful.
13:07
Speaker 1: Right now what you're doing is you're sitting in a
13:09
Speaker 1: situation where you're imagining the worst case scenario. When we
13:13
Speaker 1: sit and imagine how bad something's going to be, when
13:17
Speaker 1: I get dumped, when I lose my job, if this
13:20
Speaker 1: was to happen, if I was to try this and
13:22
Speaker 1: it failed, like every time we imagine a bad scenario
13:25
Speaker 1: happening for anything in our life, it always feels so
13:28
Speaker 1: much worse than the actual reality of living through it.
13:32
Speaker 1: Probably the only exception of that might be the death
13:35
Speaker 1: of a loved one. So put aside grieving the death
13:38
Speaker 1: of a loved one. Experiences that you go through where
13:42
Speaker 1: you actually have some sort of control, whether it feels
13:44
Speaker 1: like it or not, to remedy that or to change
13:47
Speaker 1: your path in life. You might think not having him
13:51
Speaker 1: in my life will be the worst thing ever, but
13:53
Speaker 1: I'm telling you right now, it is the single best
13:56
Speaker 1: thing you could do for yourself, your self-esteem, your self-love,
13:58
Speaker 1: your overall confidence, your happiness, your peace of mind. There
14:03
Speaker 1: is not one action you could take in your life
14:05
Speaker 1: to improve all those things in one than getting rid
14:08
Speaker 1: of this man. Not one. So you're here thinking, who
14:13
Speaker 1: am I without him? I'm unlovable. I am just not
14:18
Speaker 1: good enough. The love I had with this man surpasses
14:22
Speaker 1: any love I could ever imagine in my future. None
14:25
Speaker 1: of those are true. It's just what you're telling yourself
14:28
Speaker 1: because he set it up that way. He benefits from
14:33
Speaker 1: you being insecure. If you were secure and you knew
14:36
Speaker 1: your shit and you knew your worth, you wouldn't have
14:39
Speaker 1: given this cunt the time of fucking day from day one.
14:43
Speaker 1: You'd have been like, you're a snake and a dog
14:45
Speaker 1: and a slimy cunt and I'm not going to date
14:47
Speaker 1: you because you are literally cheating on your wife with
14:51
Speaker 1: an employee, you fucking piece of shit. Okay, so I just,
14:54
Speaker 1: this guy's such an ick. I don't know how you're
14:57
Speaker 1: not grossed out just by talking about him. So sorry
15:00
Speaker 1: that I've offended the man you love, but you need
15:02
Speaker 1: to cut him out of your life. Number one. Number two,
15:05
Speaker 1: you need to quit that job immediately. And you need
15:07
Speaker 1: to reassess what a friendship is. And you also need
15:10
Speaker 1: to reassess what a healthy, loving relationship is. This man
15:14
Speaker 1: didn't love you in the real parameters of what actual
15:17
Speaker 1: love is. He enjoyed your company. He maybe really liked you.
15:22
Speaker 1: And maybe he thought he loved you from a possessive
15:25
Speaker 1: ego point of view, but not from a true love
15:27
Speaker 1: point of view, because real love, means factoring in the
15:30
Speaker 1: other person and doing what's in their best interest in
15:33
Speaker 1: order to maintain a healthy relationship. So that would require
15:36
Speaker 1: him being loyal to you and letting his wife go,
15:41
Speaker 1: which he did none of. Okay. So that is my answer.
15:44
Speaker 1: I have many answers. Yeah. And this poor fucking wife,
15:49
Speaker 1: someone needs to tell her so she can run for
15:50
Speaker 1: the hills, run for the hills. Hopefully that helped. I
15:54
Speaker 1: know it's probably a bit tougher than what you wanted
15:57
Speaker 1: to hear, But sometimes you need to be shaken in
16:00
Speaker 1: order to see the light because you also deserve a
16:03
Speaker 1: lot more. As much as it sucks that you're the
16:05
Speaker 1: other woman and that I hate that this other woman
16:07
Speaker 1: is being cheated on, you also do deserve a better
16:11
Speaker 1: chance at like a healthy, loving relationship. And this is
16:13
Speaker 1: not it. Okay, next question. Next question, is my friend
16:27
Speaker 1: a soggy lemon or am I being dramatic? I love
16:31
Speaker 1: this already. Okay. Hi, Alexis. Long time listener here. Thank
16:36
Speaker 1: you for being the absolute queen you are. You're welcome.
16:39
Speaker 1: I could go on and on about how you help
16:41
Speaker 1: me navigate many things in life, but what we're about
16:44
Speaker 1: to get into is sort of a long story. So
16:46
Speaker 1: let's get into it. I became friends with someone a
16:48
Speaker 1: few years ago. I would say we got really close
16:50
Speaker 1: pretty fast, which is great considering we're in our late
16:53
Speaker 1: 20s and I feel like it's hard to make friends
16:55
Speaker 1: later on in life, quote unquote. Our husbands became friends
16:58
Speaker 1: not long after. For about a year, everything was going
17:01
Speaker 1: smoothly and I had no complaints. Then I got pregnant.
17:03
Speaker 1: Love that for you. Well, I hope, I don't know.
17:06
Speaker 1: I'm still only a few months postpartum to give some
17:10
Speaker 1: frame of time. When I announced I was pregnant with
17:13
Speaker 1: a much wanted pregnancy, I'll add, okay, good. Love that
17:15
Speaker 1: for you. I'll add I felt like things instantly changed
17:19
Speaker 1: between our friendship dynamic, her and I, our husbands, and
17:21
Speaker 1: the dynamic between us four. They didn't speak to us for,
17:24
Speaker 1: I shit you not, a whole month, and it was
17:26
Speaker 1: sparse for a while after that. Her and I would
17:29
Speaker 1: talk just about every day before that. So obviously something
17:32
Speaker 1: was up. Months had passed with little talking here and there,
17:34
Speaker 1: and I eventually let her know my truth, that I
17:38
Speaker 1: was feeling hurt and confused, and it seems like she
17:40
Speaker 1: and her husband were upset I was pregnant. She then
17:43
Speaker 1: told me it was hard for her to keep talking
17:44
Speaker 1: to me because I was so negative, when she would
17:47
Speaker 1: check in, which is rare. Mind you, pregnancy was really
17:49
Speaker 1: hard for me. I was so sick, it was so
17:51
Speaker 1: hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
17:53
Speaker 1: When she would ask how I was doing, I'll admit
17:55
Speaker 1: my answers were the same for the first 20 weeks.
17:57
Speaker 1: Really tired, really sick, unwell. This was always met with
18:00
Speaker 1: some bullshit response like, just stay positive, I'll pray for you.
18:04
Speaker 1: I always felt so invalidated. No shit, I'm not being
18:08
Speaker 1: positive when I feel like I'm fighting for my life
18:10
Speaker 1: every day. I feel like I couldn't be honest with
18:12
Speaker 1: her if my answers weren't positive and happy that's still
18:15
Speaker 1: true today. I feel like and feel still today that
18:19
Speaker 1: she doesn't like being a friend during the hard times,
18:22
Speaker 1: only when things are peachy, when nothing inconveniences her or
18:25
Speaker 1: her husband. She also made me feel pretty guilty for
18:28
Speaker 1: having a really bad pet aversion during my pregnancy and
18:30
Speaker 1: was always just like your poor dog. She would validate
18:34
Speaker 1: my dog more than me. FYI, my dog is very
18:37
Speaker 1: well loved and taken care of. She eats expensive food
18:40
Speaker 1: and sleeps on a Tempur-Pedic bed. I love this. Those
18:45
Speaker 1: that have pet aversion during pregnancy will get it. Actually,
18:48
Speaker 1: can you find studies about this and do it on
18:49
Speaker 1: your podcast? Why is it not talked about enough? Moving on.
18:53
Speaker 1: I felt like I'm the opposite type of friend. I
18:55
Speaker 1: show up when things are hard and messy as I
18:58
Speaker 1: would want my friends to do so for me. Long
19:01
Speaker 1: story short, she was also going through some medical issues
19:03
Speaker 1: during the time. And let me say, she was very
19:05
Speaker 1: negative and depressed. I never once left her on read
19:08
Speaker 1: and I was always there for her even while struggling
19:10
Speaker 1: with pregnancy. I even sat in the ER with her
19:13
Speaker 1: so she wasn't alone. I was near the end of
19:16
Speaker 1: my pregnancy at this time. At this point, I really
19:18
Speaker 1: started to feel like if things aren't about her, then
19:21
Speaker 1: she can't be bothered. There are so many other details
19:25
Speaker 1: that I could spend forever filling you in on. Don't
19:27
Speaker 1: even get me started on trying to make plans with
19:29
Speaker 1: them either. Only happens when it aligns perfectly with their schedules. Again,
19:33
Speaker 1: they can never be inconvenienced and they wonder why my
19:36
Speaker 1: husband and I are their only friends. The final straw
19:40
Speaker 1: was when her husband pulled mine aside and basically told
19:43
Speaker 1: him they were upset we got pregnant and didn't wait
19:46
Speaker 1: for them. That when they hang out with us, they
19:49
Speaker 1: don't want to be around the baby all the time
19:51
Speaker 1: and they felt completely blindsided. Um, what the fuck? Anywho,
19:55
Speaker 1: after that, things have gone back to normal and I'm
19:58
Speaker 1: not sure, sorry, things have not gone back to normal
20:02
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure I can put this stuff behind me.
20:04
Speaker 1: All of this happened during the pregnancy. Since having the baby,
20:07
Speaker 1: I feel like things are semi-normal. but they still throw
20:09
Speaker 1: up comments like, I thought our friendship was just going
20:11
Speaker 1: to end when you had the baby. Yes, the friendship
20:13
Speaker 1: will naturally change because now I have a brand new
20:15
Speaker 1: baby and different priorities, but I still feel like I
20:18
Speaker 1: make time for them and let them know whenever we're available.
20:21
Speaker 1: I'm not even sure I have a specific question. I'm
20:23
Speaker 1: just feeling very annoyed about this friendship and not sure
20:25
Speaker 1: how to move forward at all after these things have
20:27
Speaker 1: been said or done. How would you keep going with
20:30
Speaker 1: the friendship? Is it worth keeping? Do I start to
20:32
Speaker 1: pull away? Do I lay everything out on the table
20:35
Speaker 1: and hash it out? Sorry, this is so long. Thanks
20:37
Speaker 1: for the opportunity to get this off my chest and
20:39
Speaker 1: OG bean. Okay. I look, it depends how much you
20:44
Speaker 1: value the friendship. I feel like it was really, really good.
20:47
Speaker 1: And there was some great times prior. So if this
20:49
Speaker 1: is how I look at it, if you look at
20:50
Speaker 1: the friendship as potentially being something that you can carry
20:53
Speaker 1: on into your life, even though you've had hurdles, then
20:55
Speaker 1: I always think it's worth hashing it out personally, unless
20:58
Speaker 1: there's been abuse or something that you just can't come
21:01
Speaker 1: back from. If you still see value, why not hash
21:05
Speaker 1: it out? Why not give it a go? It's very easy. Well,
21:09
Speaker 1: I don't know about easy, but it's a simple solution
21:14
Speaker 1: to be like, you know what, fuck it, let it go,
21:15
Speaker 1: fuck it. But then you run the risk of regretting, thinking, wow,
21:19
Speaker 1: could this have been salvaged years down the line? The
21:23
Speaker 1: good thing about hashing it out is that you also
21:26
Speaker 1: open up the conversation to hear stuff from them that
21:29
Speaker 1: maybe you haven't heard. Or you open up the ability
21:32
Speaker 1: for you to say something that will really seal the
21:34
Speaker 1: deal for you and then there will be no regrets.
21:36
Speaker 1: That's the beauty of hashing it out. You get the answers.
21:40
Speaker 1: You really understand if it's worth pursuing any further or not.
21:44
Speaker 1: So if I were you, I would actually hash it out,
21:47
Speaker 1: but I would prep them with it. Don't ambush people
21:50
Speaker 1: when you're going to have a really big talk. I
21:52
Speaker 1: would say, listen, I would love to sit down and
21:55
Speaker 1: have a talk with you. I know the dynamic has
21:57
Speaker 1: changed between us and I want this to be a
21:59
Speaker 1: really real like productive talk for the sake of our friendship.
22:03
Speaker 1: I love you. I respect you. Is there a time
22:05
Speaker 1: we can sit down and just hash everything out? Because
22:07
Speaker 1: I feel like things have changed. Now, out of that,
22:10
Speaker 1: two things can happen. They brush you off and act
22:12
Speaker 1: like it's nothing. And then that's the answer that you need.
22:14
Speaker 1: And then I would pull away. Number two, they accept
22:17
Speaker 1: the conversation. Then next step, if they accept the conversation,
22:21
Speaker 1: that's when you sit down and you say, listen, I
22:25
Speaker 1: want to tell you everything I want to tell you
22:26
Speaker 1: and how I'm feeling. And I've got questions, but I
22:29
Speaker 1: also would love the same from you. If there's anything
22:31
Speaker 1: you want asked from me, if there's anything that you
22:33
Speaker 1: think that I did that maybe I've not seen, I
22:36
Speaker 1: want this to be a two-way conversation. Okay. Because your
22:39
Speaker 1: friends are probably sitting there with frustrations about stuff that
22:41
Speaker 1: maybe you've done that you're not even aware of. Maybe,
22:44
Speaker 1: maybe not. But there's a chance that the fact that
22:49
Speaker 1: you guys had the kids when they say, oh, you
22:51
Speaker 1: didn't wait for us. Maybe they were going through an
22:55
Speaker 1: infertility journey. Maybe they weren't. Maybe they, like there's all
22:58
Speaker 1: these things that people maybe don't share that are a
23:01
Speaker 1: massive pain point that they then feel like they can't
23:05
Speaker 1: share after the fact and they feel like they don't,
23:07
Speaker 1: but then they lash out in other ways. Sometimes it's valid.
23:11
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's absolutely not valid. So this is something that
23:14
Speaker 1: that conversation will help unveil if they're willing to talk
23:17
Speaker 1: about certain things. You might just find out that for them,
23:21
Speaker 1: they're just one of those people that are like, we
23:23
Speaker 1: just don't like hanging out with people that have kids.
23:25
Speaker 1: End of story. It's literally that simple. And if that's
23:27
Speaker 1: the case, then the friendship can't go any further. But
23:29
Speaker 1: if they say, you know what, to be honest, it was,
23:32
Speaker 1: a big shock to the system because what seemed so
23:35
Speaker 1: easy for you has now been a massive issue for us.
23:38
Speaker 1: And it's just kind of highlighted the fact and while
23:40
Speaker 1: we shouldn't have like put it on you, it kind
23:42
Speaker 1: of was a pain point for us and we probably
23:44
Speaker 1: didn't react in the best way and whatever. Like there's
23:46
Speaker 1: many different things. Another thing that I would raise independently
23:49
Speaker 1: from that is the whole, you know, when times are
23:52
Speaker 1: hard for you, she's not there and vice versa. You know,
23:55
Speaker 1: like you're there for her when the times are tough,
23:57
Speaker 1: but it doesn't go the other way. And that's something
23:59
Speaker 1: that I think for a friendship to go from a friend,
24:02
Speaker 1: to a close friend, a close friend has to be
24:05
Speaker 1: able to be there with you during the tough times.
24:07
Speaker 1: You cannot be considered a close friend if you don't
24:10
Speaker 1: see them perform well when you are going through adversity.
24:14
Speaker 1: That's not a close friend. Sorry. Sorry. It's not. It's
24:16
Speaker 1: just a friend. It's an acquaintance. It's a good time friend.
24:18
Speaker 1: It's a fun times friend. It's an old times friend.
24:20
Speaker 1: It's not an inner circle friend if they cannot be
24:23
Speaker 1: there for you. Now, having said that, If you are
24:26
Speaker 1: beyond the scope of a Debbie Downer and you are
24:28
Speaker 1: just painful to listen to day in, day out, day in,
24:31
Speaker 1: day out, day in, day out, and it's not like
24:33
Speaker 1: a major catastrophic event, but literally all you talk about
24:35
Speaker 1: is negative things, then eventually someone's going to pull away.
24:38
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that's who you were, but I'm
24:40
Speaker 1: saying just be aware that you could say, babe, I
24:45
Speaker 1: feel absolutely shit. You still can say how you feel,
24:50
Speaker 1: but then, of course, make sure you're still checking in
24:52
Speaker 1: with them. when appropriate and making sure that you're still,
24:56
Speaker 1: you know, have aspects of that friendship if possible. You
24:58
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Because, yeah, like even when I
25:03
Speaker 1: was pregnant, like it was a slog, obviously, but I
25:07
Speaker 1: was always mindful being like, do they need to hear
25:10
Speaker 1: that I'm exhausted for the 54,000th time when they're obviously
25:15
Speaker 1: aware that I'm tired? Like I also didn't want to
25:16
Speaker 1: be bringing that energy when they clearly knew that I
25:19
Speaker 1: looked like a fucking, like I had a, you know
25:22
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like I was exhausted. about to explode
25:26
Speaker 1: and I'm like do I need to be talking about
25:27
Speaker 1: how exhausted I am every fucking day maybe I do
25:30
Speaker 1: maybe I don't but I was like I just want
25:31
Speaker 1: to be mindful of that because I didn't want to
25:33
Speaker 1: always bring that energy every time especially if we were
25:35
Speaker 1: like catching up with someone we hadn't seen this that
25:37
Speaker 1: like you you also want to be mindful that yes
25:40
Speaker 1: you can always vent about what it is that you're
25:42
Speaker 1: going through but at the same time is that all
25:46
Speaker 1: we're allowed to talk about now You know, we have
25:48
Speaker 1: to give, like, we have to open the floor for
25:50
Speaker 1: other people to have their time to talk and have
25:52
Speaker 1: their space and whatever. Just because someone's pregnant, it's not
25:55
Speaker 1: all about the pregnant person. It's about the friendship group. Okay.
25:59
Speaker 1: So that's what I would do. It's frustrating, but I
26:01
Speaker 1: would always give it a chance. The reason why it's
26:04
Speaker 1: good to hash it out is because then you're left
26:05
Speaker 1: with no regrets. I just don't like regretting things if possible.
26:08
Speaker 1: And normally the things we regret are the things we
26:10
Speaker 1: didn't do. They're not the things we did. When we
26:13
Speaker 1: did something and then it didn't work out, it's not
26:15
Speaker 1: really a regret. It's like, oh, well, I learnt my
26:18
Speaker 1: lesson and then I moved on. But when we leave something,
26:21
Speaker 1: just leave it there and we continue on with our lives,
26:23
Speaker 1: that's when regret comes in. I should have apologised. I
26:26
Speaker 1: should have told them I loved them. I should have
26:28
Speaker 1: had that final conversation or I should have gone on
26:30
Speaker 1: that trip. I should have applied for that job. It's
26:32
Speaker 1: all the things we never did. So that's why I
26:34
Speaker 1: say put it all out on the table and see
26:36
Speaker 1: what comes of it. You'll get your answer either way.
26:40
Speaker 1: But then at least you feel... Like you've done everything
26:44
Speaker 1: you can do. Amazing. Last question. I have moved away
26:58
Speaker 1: now temporarily and left very abruptly for a few reasons.
27:01
Speaker 1: Some because of what is included in the email, but
27:03
Speaker 1: many for other reasons too that are not included. But
27:06
Speaker 1: when I was back home, I had the absolute... best
27:10
Speaker 1: group of friends and had somebody who I was dating
27:13
Speaker 1: on and off. When we were off, I know it
27:14
Speaker 1: was always my fault, who was so kind. And I
27:17
Speaker 1: know I treated them like shit. We shared the same
27:20
Speaker 1: friend group and we were all very close. However, I
27:23
Speaker 1: know I was also not kind and am so different
27:26
Speaker 1: from the person I used to be. Since having moved away,
27:28
Speaker 1: I have done lots of self-reflecting and journaling and have
27:31
Speaker 1: listened to your podcast on self-awareness multiple times. And I've
27:34
Speaker 1: had my eyes open to all the bullshit of my actions.
27:37
Speaker 1: I've apologized to multiple people, And I've messaged my friends
27:40
Speaker 1: telling them how much I appreciate them, which they really
27:43
Speaker 1: appreciated and has been well-received by some. However, I know
27:47
Speaker 1: this does not change how I acted. Everybody who I
27:49
Speaker 1: have messaged and who I was close to have said
27:52
Speaker 1: how much I missed and how they look forward to
27:54
Speaker 1: my return. However, I know for a fact... things have
27:58
Speaker 1: been said by others I was not as close with
28:00
Speaker 1: while I've been away and because I did leave abruptly,
28:02
Speaker 1: rumours have been spread and I feel like my apologies
28:05
Speaker 1: in a way backfired. I guess I deserved it. Whether
28:08
Speaker 1: or not they see what I see, only I know
28:10
Speaker 1: the person I used to be and how far away
28:11
Speaker 1: from that person I became. I still talk to the
28:14
Speaker 1: friends I was closest with and the person I was
28:15
Speaker 1: dating almost daily. I know we had something very special.
28:19
Speaker 1: I plan on travelling and I know I'll meet many
28:21
Speaker 1: new people. However, I feel like they were always going
28:24
Speaker 1: to be my main friend group that I will always
28:26
Speaker 1: return to when I'm back home between travels. But I'm
28:29
Speaker 1: worried when I go back, I'll return to the same
28:31
Speaker 1: selfish person. And if not, I worry how I'll be
28:34
Speaker 1: accepted back into the friendship group. I know the friend
28:37
Speaker 1: group is so genuine and absolutely worth staying in if possible.
28:40
Speaker 1: They felt like family. Maybe this is more like a
28:42
Speaker 1: personal realization than what the group actually thinks of me.
28:46
Speaker 1: Maybe not. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but
28:48
Speaker 1: how do I get back to the old me? I
28:50
Speaker 1: feel like I'm slowly returning to the person I was
28:52
Speaker 1: a few years ago, but I'm still very lost. How
28:54
Speaker 1: do I go back to my old friendship group knowing
28:57
Speaker 1: that they only know and think of me as this
29:00
Speaker 1: not nice version of myself and knowing that things have
29:02
Speaker 1: been said about me when I have not been there?
29:05
Speaker 1: Or do I just leave the group completely? I've taken
29:08
Speaker 1: accountability for things I've said and done, but I know
29:10
Speaker 1: people are in your life for a season, reason or lifetime.
29:13
Speaker 1: How to distinguish who is in which category? Thank you
29:17
Speaker 1: in advance. All right. Given that I don't have much
29:21
Speaker 1: detail with this, I'm just going to read between the
29:24
Speaker 1: lines and give you what I think based on what
29:26
Speaker 1: you've told me. You're saying, how do I distinguish which
29:29
Speaker 1: category of people it sees in reason or lifetime? You're
29:33
Speaker 1: the mean one in this. Aren't you the one that
29:34
Speaker 1: was being mean? Like, why are you deciding should these
29:36
Speaker 1: people be in my life or not? It should be
29:37
Speaker 1: the other way around. Aren't they the ones that are
29:39
Speaker 1: going to decide? if you're going to be in their
29:40
Speaker 1: life or not? You said that your apologies were well received.
29:43
Speaker 1: So I don't really know why you're thinking about cutting
29:45
Speaker 1: these people out unless the thing that you've done is
29:48
Speaker 1: so unfathomable that there's still stuff that you haven't told them.
29:53
Speaker 1: Is there stuff that you've done that's so mean that
29:56
Speaker 1: they don't know about that you're worried is then going
29:59
Speaker 1: to come out in the air. I'm not sure. This
30:00
Speaker 1: is what's confusing me because you were bad. You then
30:03
Speaker 1: apologized and it was well-received and they said they missed you.
30:06
Speaker 1: So something's not adding up here and you're not being
30:08
Speaker 1: completely honest, even without going into details. There's a big
30:12
Speaker 1: detail that you're leaving out of this that you're not sharing.
30:15
Speaker 1: So it's hard for me to give you good advice
30:17
Speaker 1: because One plus one equals two. I hurt you. I apologised.
30:23
Speaker 1: You received the apology. You said it's fine and I
30:26
Speaker 1: miss you and we're excited for you to come back
30:28
Speaker 1: and you're like, do I cut them out? Something's not
30:31
Speaker 1: adding up. Are you an online troll and you've gone
30:34
Speaker 1: and bullied people behind their back? Like I don't understand
30:36
Speaker 1: what you've done that you feel like you need to
30:38
Speaker 1: cut them out of your life because you've got so
30:39
Speaker 1: much remorse. That's the weird thing. So if I'm just
30:42
Speaker 1: reading way too into it and you haven't done those things,
30:46
Speaker 1: then I think you need to snap out of it
30:48
Speaker 1: and be like, appreciate a good thing when you've got it,
30:51
Speaker 1: if people are willing to accept a heartfelt apology and
30:53
Speaker 1: want to be your friends, these are lifetime friends, sorry,
30:56
Speaker 1: but that's people that, and then how do you not
30:58
Speaker 1: go back to your old ways? I don't understand how
31:01
Speaker 1: that's a question in the sense that if you have
31:04
Speaker 1: seen what you used to do and you don't like
31:06
Speaker 1: it and you've owned up to it and admitted it
31:09
Speaker 1: and apologised, where is the pull to go back to
31:13
Speaker 1: being the not nice version of yourself? Why would you
31:17
Speaker 1: want to is my question. What's the need? Attention? Because
31:22
Speaker 1: you seem to have a healthy friendship group. Is it validation? Insecurity? Fear?
31:29
Speaker 1: Like why? Why? Why? I think there's many, many questions
31:34
Speaker 1: you have to ask yourself before you even... kind of
31:37
Speaker 1: bring this hot and heavy energy into your friendship group
31:39
Speaker 1: without understanding why it is that you can't just be
31:41
Speaker 1: the good person that you were originally and then who
31:44
Speaker 1: you've become again now. There was a period of time
31:46
Speaker 1: where you were a bad person, quote unquote, by your standards,
31:49
Speaker 1: and you did things that weren't very nice, but you've
31:52
Speaker 1: since apologized. As far as what people have said behind
31:55
Speaker 1: your back, that's called a consequence, okay? So people will
32:01
Speaker 1: say shit about you when you do shit. Like you
32:04
Speaker 1: can say whatever you want. You can do whatever you want.
32:06
Speaker 1: It's a free country, all that shit, but it doesn't
32:08
Speaker 1: come without consequence, you know. It's kind of like when
32:11
Speaker 1: people say, oh, you know, like I thought Australia was
32:14
Speaker 1: a free country and then you get like fired from
32:17
Speaker 1: whatever because of hate speech. It's like, yeah, you can
32:19
Speaker 1: say whatever you want, but there are consequences and there
32:23
Speaker 1: are parameters and boundaries put in place so you can't
32:26
Speaker 1: act like an absolute cunt and get away with it.
32:28
Speaker 1: So technically you could do what you want, but it
32:30
Speaker 1: doesn't absolve you of what happens after. So when you
32:34
Speaker 1: are worried about what people said, that is a direct
32:37
Speaker 1: consequence of what you did in this scenario. Not always.
32:40
Speaker 1: Sometimes people talk shit about behind your back and it's unfounded.
32:44
Speaker 1: But in this case, it's founded. So I would be
32:48
Speaker 1: grateful for that. I would be grateful for the fact
32:50
Speaker 1: that there are actual consequences to my behavior and I
32:53
Speaker 1: know what it looks like and I know I don't
32:55
Speaker 1: like it and I know I don't want to experience
32:57
Speaker 1: it again. If I behaved like an absolute piece of shit,
33:00
Speaker 1: And then there were consequences that hurt me, like people
33:03
Speaker 1: talking behind my back. As much as I'd hate to
33:05
Speaker 1: admit it, part of me would be grateful for going
33:07
Speaker 1: through that experience because I'm like, now I know what
33:09
Speaker 1: I never want to experience again. I really don't like
33:11
Speaker 1: that feeling. But it's valid and it stands. Like what
33:17
Speaker 1: they're saying is the truth and it's just guiding you
33:20
Speaker 1: to be a better person. So that is something that
33:24
Speaker 1: you accept. Part of your apology is is also accepting
33:28
Speaker 1: the fact that there are repercussions to your actions. Part
33:31
Speaker 1: of you taking ownership of what you did and admitting
33:34
Speaker 1: that you were not a great friend and then saying
33:36
Speaker 1: it to these people, all of that is all encompassing
33:40
Speaker 1: as lessons and, you know, ways to make you a better,
33:44
Speaker 1: more well-rounded person based on your, like, your past behaviour,
33:48
Speaker 1: based on a pattern of behaviour and a way of, like,
33:51
Speaker 1: you going through life and learning from your behaviour. Otherwise,
33:53
Speaker 1: the alternative is you being someone who's completely not accountable
33:56
Speaker 1: and you keep switching friendship groups every time you feel
33:59
Speaker 1: like you have to face the consequences of your own actions,
34:03
Speaker 1: which is also not going to be a pleasant life.
34:05
Speaker 1: So when you're asking, are these people, you know, you said...
34:11
Speaker 1: people in your life for a season, a reason or
34:13
Speaker 1: a lifetime, how do you distinguish which is in this category? Respectfully,
34:19
Speaker 1: I think it's up to your friends to distinguish if
34:21
Speaker 1: you're in one of those categories for them, right? Because
34:24
Speaker 1: I just feel like why are you deciding if you
34:28
Speaker 1: should cut someone out or not if they are good people?
34:35
Speaker 1: I just think that maybe you've done something that they
34:37
Speaker 1: still don't know about and then you're worried that it's
34:39
Speaker 1: going to come out later. And they're going to find
34:41
Speaker 1: out more. If that's the case, you need to come
34:43
Speaker 1: clean and be honest and say, hey, I did apologize,
34:46
Speaker 1: but this is actually the big picture. And if it's
34:48
Speaker 1: not the case and I'm reading way too far into this,
34:50
Speaker 1: then definitely don't cut these people out of your life
34:52
Speaker 1: because they seem like very good friends that can really
34:56
Speaker 1: acknowledge a heartfelt apology and still accept you, love you
35:01
Speaker 1: and miss you. Okay. So that is my response. I
35:06
Speaker 1: do appreciate you writing in. I'm not trying to come
35:08
Speaker 1: down on you like a ton of bricks, but I
35:09
Speaker 1: want you to be as self-aware as possible. And you've got,
35:12
Speaker 1: you're halfway there. You are halfway there. You just want
35:15
Speaker 1: to like really be that best version of yourself as
35:17
Speaker 1: you return to this friendship group. There's no need for
35:19
Speaker 1: you to turn back to your old mean ways as
35:21
Speaker 1: long as you understand why you did it in the
35:23
Speaker 1: first place. What was the trigger? And when you can
35:25
Speaker 1: identify the trigger, then you're able to kind of nip
35:28
Speaker 1: it in the bud next time that same trigger pops up,
35:31
Speaker 1: you behave differently. You don't go back into your old patterns. Guys,
35:34
Speaker 1: thank you so much for sending in your questions. That
35:38
Speaker 1: is all for today. And if you do want to
35:40
Speaker 1: send in your listener question, you can email info at
35:42
Speaker 1: dyfmpod.com or you can send in your voice note question
35:46
Speaker 1: at the website. You can like, there's a little dropdown
35:49
Speaker 1: menu and you can submit your voice note question. And
35:51
Speaker 1: that is www.dyfmpod.com. That is all. Thank you guys so much.
35:57
Speaker 1: As always, remember, be kind to yourself, be kind to
35:59
Speaker 1: your brain. Don't take shit from anyone and especially don't
36:01
Speaker 1: take shit from yourself. Danke.