Latest / The Karen Kenney Show / THE IMPORTANCE OF SHOWING UP

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THE IMPORTANCE OF SHOWING UP · The Karen Kenney Show

0:00
Karen Kenney: It's the Karen Kenney show.
0:03
Hey, you guys, welcome. Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. Excuse
0:11
me for being such a weirdo. Oh my god, I just kept hitting the
0:15
stat and stop button a couple of times. And I don't know what's
0:19
wrong with me, but and we're back here. We are welcome.
0:22
Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I think I'm a little
0:27
discombobulated because I was gonna do a show about something
0:32
else, but then I was like, it was like, Ooh, sto TJ, spiritual
0:35
team on the job. It was like, No, I know what we're gonna talk
0:39
about, so I'm going to be just riffing off the top of my head,
0:42
so forgive me, I'm really going to try to keep it short and
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concise and to the point, but this is on my hat, and I wanted
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to say this so you ever seen those videos, you guys of like
0:53
little kids? You know, they're like, four years old, five years
0:56
old, six years old, whatever, and they're at their school play
1:00
or their recital, and they're up on stage, and they're just kind
1:04
of like looking out into the audience, and you see them
1:07
looking a little nervous and anxious, and then all of a
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sudden they spot their parents or a sibling or their Auntie or
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whoever, their guardians, right? And their whole demeanor
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changes, right? Like they just light up. You see it in their
1:22
face, in their energy, their body language, and they're like,
1:26
Oh my God. Like, you're here, you're here. You know, it's The
1:30
Sweetest Thing. And sometimes you see it like, like, adult,
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you know, adult parents surprising their kids, like the
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kids didn't think they were going to make the football game
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or the basketball game or the graduation or the event, or
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whatever the thing is. And you just see this common thread
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through when they're little wee ones all the way up to when
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they're adults, right? Like I'm talking like even the parents,
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like people surprising other people by showing up. I fucking
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love these videos, like double A men hands, if you're with me and
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you love those videos too, of people being surprised in a good
2:07
way. Like, I don't like bad surprises. I don't like when
2:10
people prank each other and whatever, but I will. I can sit
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and watch like all day, like people being surprised in the
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most positive way by other people's thoughtfulness or
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kindness or love, and I had my very own experience of this. And
2:26
so when I was thinking about this, I was like, You know what
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I want to talk today about the importance of showing up. Now, I
2:34
know I talk a lot on other episodes about, like, how you're
2:37
showing up, you know, like showing up for yourself, like
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data, all these things, but this act of showing up for others,
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especially when they're doing something new or scary or
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exciting or big, or this is the first time they've ever taken a
2:55
leap of faith in this direction, or whatever the thing is,
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showing up matters so much now telling them you're going to
3:06
show up is a big deal, and if you can't show up, right, maybe
3:10
sending them a little note of a Karen encouragement, or
3:13
following up the next day after the event, or whatever, letting
3:16
them know in some way you wish you could teleport your ass
3:20
there and be there. They're just going to be times in our life
3:22
when we can't be there. But, man, if we can make it work and
3:27
we can make it happen, showing up makes such a huge difference.
3:31
So this past I have a good story for you. So this past weekend,
3:35
you know, if you listen to the show regularly, I've been
3:37
talking about how I just took a leap of faith, did my first,
3:41
created, my first ever like at piece to be put into this at
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exhibition that was called the mothership, and it was this
3:49
whole thing. It's about my mom. Think of the piece is almost
3:52
like a trailer to my book and my memoir, right? So, it's a, it's
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a pretty it's a pretty big piece. You know, it's on a
3:59
canvas, and then it comes off the wall. It's a mix I learned.
4:01
I learned that what I created was a quote, unquote, mixed
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media installation. So I also learned, I learned something new
4:08
about what I was doing. So that was really cool. But the
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highlight of this story is that you know two of my friends who,
4:17
like two of my dearest and beloved friends, JT and megs,
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okay, Jessica. Belong to Jessica. You know her. Her
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married name is blanti, but she was Jessica Todd, so I call her
4:27
JT, so and then meg, meg Haynes, Meg marinaccio, who I call megs,
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okay, so megs and JT, they're a little bit younger than me.
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They're in there in a different phase of their life in that they
4:41
have wee ones, right? They have little kids. So first of all,
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you know, JT runs like this incredible Premier, like hair
4:48
salon in Portsmouth. You know, Meg's got her hands full. Meg's
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also a creative, you know, she's an intuitive, she's a healer,
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she's a spiritual teacher. She does human design. She's a
4:59
dancer. And a writer and actor and she can sing like, I mean,
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my friends are so creative. Many of my friends, right? Almost so
5:09
many of my friends are incredibly creative human
5:11
beings. But these two just have really busy lives, like running
5:16
business, taking care of things and their children. So I didn't
5:20
think like, I had no expectation that they were going to be able
5:23
to come to the opening reception. Right now, the show
5:27
is up for like, a whole month, so I just figured like, okay,
5:31
they're not going to be able to come. Probably I'm still going
5:33
to invite them, but no no expectations, no hard feelings,
5:37
whatever. So these two basically said to me when I first told
5:42
them about it, like they were just over the moon so happy for
5:45
me, like, oh my god, this is amazing. I'm going to do
5:48
whatever I can, you know, trying to, like, we'll try to, you
5:51
know, I'll, you know, if I have to reschedule a client at work,
5:54
I like, but, you know, I'm going to do my best. That was kind of
5:57
the message, I'm going to do my best. And I was like, Okay. And
6:01
then, like, the day before, JT, I think she wrote me a message
6:09
saying that she wasn't going to be able to make it. And she
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wrote this, like, this long thing, but I love you, and I
6:15
hope you have a great time. And then Meg left me a voice
6:18
message, just saying, I'm so sorry. You know, Mike, her
6:21
husband, has a has an event tonight, and I couldn't get, I
6:24
couldn't find a babysit, blah, blah, blah, whatever, the whole
6:27
thing. And all I know is, I'm like, okay, they're not going to
6:29
be able to come. I kind of figured this might happen,
6:32
because I understand how busy they are. But they're like,
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we'll pick another time, because the show is up for the whole
6:38
month to come up. And I'm like, perfect, great. I can't wait.
6:40
Blah, blah, okay, so and that, like, I have kind of, how do I
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say this? How do I say some of you are going to be able, I
6:52
think, to relate to this. I'm just being totally transparent
6:54
and honest. I have it's, I get my hopes up all the time, but I
7:00
also have a deal with myself, meaning like, I hope they can
7:03
come, it'll be great if they can come like data, but I do my best
7:07
to not be disappointed if my hope or call it slash
7:12
expectation. I always try. I try not to have expectations,
7:15
because, as you have heard me say many times, expectations are
7:18
premeditated resentments, right? But we'd be liars if we didn't
7:23
like, say like, but I really was hoping that people could come,
7:26
or blah, blah, blah, okay, and I'm going to tell you about the
7:30
other people who came to but I did not. I just, I was just
7:33
like, okay, they can't come. I'm not going to be sad about it. It
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is what it is, and I'll see them like when we plan another day,
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and that's what it is so you kind of convince yourself that
7:43
it doesn't matter. And I think this is a protective mechanism
7:46
that also got installed in me from when I was like a kid,
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right? A kid with a lot of trauma is, you know, I'm very
7:52
independent. Maybe I'm sometimes hyper independent. It's not that
7:56
I believe I don't need other people. I've worked on that,
7:59
right? I know I need other people, and I also don't like to
8:03
make other people feel guilty if they can't show up for me. I
8:08
never want to feel like a burden, like double A man hands,
8:10
if you know what I mean, I don't ever want to feel like a burden.
8:13
I don't like to ask for help too much, like I'll ask for help
8:16
now, which is huge steps in my journey, right on this path of
8:20
not being a totally traumatized, hyper, hyper, hyper, like,
8:26
independent person, right? So I but I was like, I had made peace
8:31
with it. They weren't going to come. So you got so I'm at the
8:35
event. I'm at the opening reception, and I'm seeing like
8:41
this 14 artists total. So there's a bunch of people, like
8:45
50 some odd people in this, in the in the writing Gallery, and
8:49
they're all moving around and looking at stuff. But I kind of
8:51
was at my spot, because my piece has a lot of pictures and
8:56
different things, and so I was like, you know, people were
8:59
asking me a lot of questions, so I didn't really ever turn
9:02
around, meaning I wasn't like, standing there and getting to,
9:05
like, look around the room and seeing who's coming in the front
9:08
door. I basically had my back to the front door, in the in the
9:12
crowd, the rest of the people, most of the night, because I was
9:15
pointing out things to people. So all of a sudden, as I'm
9:19
breaking down, like, what's happening up on my my art piece,
9:24
I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I turn around and standing
9:29
there, right with like, JTS, get a box of vegan donuts from love
9:38
bird donuts. Shout out to love bird donuts in Portsmouth. My my
9:43
delivery system of, like, vegan donuts. I only get them when I
9:47
go to Portsmouth, and JT brings them into the salon, the hair
9:50
salon for me, so I can enjoy them. But so she's standing
9:54
there with this bright pink box of like, six vegan donuts. Meg's
9:58
there, you know, she's like, they've got a cup. Had for me
10:00
and flowers and just like, but when I see their faces, like
10:05
they JT was filming it, so it was perfect, so I could see my
10:08
own like, wicked honest in real time, True Blue, right reaction
10:14
to them showing up. And when I tell you first, I whip around, I
10:19
jerk my head back, like, Oh, my God. And like, what am I seeing?
10:24
It's like an apparition. It's an illusion. It's like a dream.
10:27
It's magic, baby, right? I was like, what is happening right
10:31
now, you know? And I so, I whip around my eyes, go big, I jerk
10:36
my head back, I go, Oh. And then my whole nervous, you see, my
10:39
whole face go like, Oh. And I just, I'm so overwhelmed with
10:45
emotion, like I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I
10:48
had to bend over, like, literally, like, hinged at the
10:52
waist, like bent over. And that's when JT, I'll never
10:56
forget this as long as I live, because JT is a fellow little
10:59
mass hole like me, right? And JT leans over, and she goes, we got
11:03
you motherfucker. So I'm bent over. I had to take my glasses
11:14
off because I had started crying. And then she says this
11:17
in my ear, we got you motherfucker. And I just stopped
11:19
laughing. The whole thing was so fantastic, you guys. It just
11:24
made my whole night that my friends, with their wicked busy
11:30
lives and their children and the the moving, I just know I'm
11:33
like, they probably had to move a little bit of heaven and earth
11:36
to, like, get there, to be there for me. And it made such a huge
11:41
difference. The little kid in me was just like it, I got to tell
11:46
you, on some level, as I don't know, sentimental or weird, or
11:53
however this might sound, I really felt like a little
11:58
something, like clicked into place. There was a little bit of
12:01
healing that happened in that moment, that whole night. It's
12:05
like my nephew, Stevie and his wife, Brittany and Minnie.
12:08
Stevie, their son, like my great nephew, they showed up. And my
12:12
old dentist, who's one of my yoga students, Dr Bruce, he
12:15
showed up. And Tony socco T, who was like my I guy, all my people
12:20
are retiring. Oh my god. So T showed up, and like some of my
12:24
yoga students, like Victoria, brought her family, and they
12:27
showed up. And Terry, who is in the nest, and I've never met
12:31
Terry in person, we only see each other online. Terry drove
12:34
and brought a friend and literally brought me this
12:37
beautiful gift of a nest, a Robin's nest, that was from her
12:41
Yad. It was like I and like I could go on, like I could just,
12:45
I'm not leaving anybody out on purpose. But it was just like
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all these people from different walks of my life, you know,
12:52
like, showed up for me, and I was just like, wow. I could feel
12:57
it like my body was buzzing. I just feel like I always talk
13:02
about the Little Librarian up in a little librarians, like, up in
13:05
my head, right in my, in my in my subconscious, in my brain.
13:09
You know, it's like they put out the alert. They put out the
13:12
alert to the to the other little worker bees in the system, right
13:15
in my body. Like, like, let's do a little repairing. Because I
13:18
could just feel like it was the most wonderful feeling. And I
13:24
was like, oh my god, this is what I see in those videos when
13:29
the little kid is searching the crowd or the stands, you know,
13:33
for their people, for their balcony people. And if you guys
13:38
have never listened to that episode, it's like, one of the
13:41
first, I mean, it's way in the beginning. It's like, I think I
13:44
called it balcony and basement people. I think it's way in the
13:47
beginning. It's been a long time. But when you're balcony
13:50
people, so when, if you've ever read, let me describe balcony
13:53
people to you. For me, you know the Where the Wild Things Are,
13:57
you know that book where the wild things are and the wild
14:00
things are kind of making a rumpus and a ruckus, right? Like
14:03
they're walking around and they're like Duncan and like
14:05
they're matching and whatever. So when I think of, when I think
14:09
of your balcony people, I think of the people who, if you were
14:12
doing, like a book reading or a book signing, or you had a gig,
14:17
or you were acting, or you were graduating, or you're up on
14:20
stage, or you're doing whatever it is, right, a fashion,
14:24
whatever your thing is, a creative endeavor, right? Or
14:27
you're celebrating something. They're the people that would be
14:31
up in the stands or up in the balcony making a rumpus. They
14:34
would be like, stomping their feet and swinging their jacket
14:37
over their head, like, going, yeah, like, that's my kid, or
14:41
That's my cousin, or those, that's my person and we love
14:44
you, or like, Yeah, whatever they're yelling. These are the
14:47
people who see you, get you, celebrate you don't feel
14:51
diminished by your success, by your creative endeavor, like
14:55
they are cheering you on and seeing you succeed and seeing
14:59
you. Happy makes them more happy, not like jealous and
15:03
weird and whatever you know what I mean. So when you're balcony
15:07
people, and even if you only have one balcony person, it is
15:11
something like, invest in that relationship. But when those
15:15
people showed up for me, right? Like Kelly, who I'm renting
15:19
space for, like, for my yoga class, right? It's like, I mean,
15:24
to just see these different people in the community, in your
15:26
walks of life, show up for you. I'm telling you, it does
15:31
something. It does something, and if you can, because back in
15:36
the day, I really think me many, many years ago, it's not that I
15:41
wouldn't have been able to see them there and appreciate that
15:46
they came and clock like my gratitude, like all of that
15:51
would have been the same. But there was something different at
15:55
this age, at this time in my life, where now I could actually
15:59
really receive, really receive the love like really let it in.
16:06
Really feel worthy of it. Really feel like the power and the
16:11
importance of their showing up and what it did for me, what it
16:16
did to me inside my heart, it was a beautiful thing. I will
16:22
not forget this light, this night for as long as I live,
16:25
everything from the other artists work that the new
16:29
artists that I met, the music that I heard, the pieces that I
16:32
saw, the collective positive energy, the celebration of art
16:38
and creativity. And if you are a mother, if you are local, if you
16:43
are local, and can get to conquer and you are a mother of
16:45
any kind, I am telling you to see this exhibition, I mean my
16:51
friend so Meg's and JT were like reading the different things.
16:53
Because the thing about this gallery is everything on the
16:56
wall, even though it's an art gallery, because it's a writing
16:59
gallery, everything on the wall that has to have text or prose
17:02
or written word or copy in it in some way, right? So they were
17:07
going around and reading all the pieces, and they were like,
17:09
crying. They were like, oh my god, I needed to see this. I
17:12
needed to hear this. And I think one of them said, I wish every
17:15
mother I knew could come in and see this and see themselves in
17:19
it. So I highly encourage you, you guys, if you're local to New
17:22
Hampshire, and you can get there the it's called the 11th. It's
17:26
spelled out the 11th letter writing gallery. You can just
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Google it. They're at 146 North Main Street in Concord, New
17:34
Hampshire. It's such a fabulous thing. But the other reason why
17:37
I'm saying this is this is just a reminder to all of us, to
17:41
myself included, that we may not think it's a big deal whether we
17:46
show up or not, but showing up does matter. And look, there are
17:51
just going to be times, right? Like a lot of times, I might get
17:53
invited to something, but if I get invited last minute, I can't
17:57
usually make it happen. My life is I know I do have freedom in
18:01
my life, but it's also very structured. Like, there's a lot
18:03
of weekends where I'm doing a workshop, or I'm working on my
18:07
book, or I have something going on, or I gotta record my
18:09
podcast, or whatever the clients, whatever it is, you
18:12
know, so sometimes it's a timing thing. Sometimes it's a
18:17
financial thing. You can't afford a ticket to go. You can't
18:20
afford what or whatever the thing is to an event, you can't
18:23
travel whatever that you know there's something, you're ill,
18:27
there's something going on. I know life happens and life gets
18:29
in the way, but when we can really be there, man, does it
18:34
make a difference? And this was such a powerful lesson for me.
18:37
It was, it was, it was, I want to say it's not even so much
18:46
that it was eye opening is so much it was. It was confirming.
18:50
It was confirming to me that when we do show up, and whether
18:55
it's to the funeral or the wedding or the school play or
18:58
the show or the gig or whatever it is. And here's another little
19:03
piece for me. If you can't show up physically in human form,
19:10
right, you can still call you can still send a message, you
19:13
can still send a card. You can still even some days, right,
19:16
send flowers, whatever the thing is. But if you're going to send
19:19
flowers, send a note. Don't just send the flowers. Is whatever
19:23
that sounds, right, however that sounds, but like, let people
19:27
know that you're thinking of them. And if you can't be there
19:29
night of write to them the next day. Actually show some like
19:33
curiosity. Put a little effort into it, you know, follow up.
19:38
How's it going? Like, what happened? Tell me a story. Tell
19:41
me more. Your curiosity is also incredibly powerful if you
19:46
cannot be there in physical form. And there was a woman at
19:50
the show who who is a psychic. Her name is Sarah Moore, and she
19:54
did a great piece, but she came over and I hadn't made the
19:57
connection who she was at first, till she started to. Talking to
20:00
me, and what I wanted to say is, apparently my mother was also
20:03
showing up at my Of course she was. I am 0% surprised. My mom
20:10
is always with me, but apparently she had something to
20:13
say. So my mother is really, really happy for me, and just
20:19
telling me to run like, run with this book, and run with my art
20:22
and to do these things. So it was pretty cool, but that's
20:24
whole story for another day. But you guys, I just wanted to share
20:27
that with you, that your presence matters. You being
20:30
there matters. It makes such a difference to the people in your
20:33
life. Now maybe there's a few people who would be like, I
20:36
don't give a shit. Come, don't come, whatever, but it doesn't
20:39
matter. I always say to my sweetie, I don't live my life
20:43
based on like, what other people are gonna How do I say this? I'm
20:48
like, just because they wouldn't show up for me doesn't mean that
20:51
I'm not still gonna show up for them, whether they appreciate it
20:54
or can have gratitude for it or whatever. Now, granted, there
20:57
does come a time where if it feels way too imbalanced. I
21:02
totally get why people are like, I'm not going to keep trying.
21:05
I'm not going to keep feeding a relationship that is one sided
21:09
or basically feels dead, like there's no pulse, like I often
21:12
say I'm not doing CPR on this relationship anymore. You know
21:15
what I mean. But so you get to choose for yourself. But all I
21:18
know is that every single person that showed up, and some of them
21:22
I got to see and hug really quick, and then I didn't get to,
21:25
like, spend a lot of time talking with them, because
21:27
people were asking me, you know, about the show and questions my
21:32
also Jenny car. Jenny car showed up as well, another one of my
21:35
yoga students. And all these people are were so lovely and so
21:39
thoughtful. And I hope I'm just doing this off the top of my
21:42
head, so I'm hope, I hope I'm not missing anybody. But it was
21:45
just a beautiful night, the the the love that I felt, the
21:50
support that I felt, and even if I didn't get to talk to and talk
21:54
to each person at Deep length, I clocked who was there, unless
21:59
somebody snuck in and didn't even say anything to me. I
22:02
clocked every face that what I personally knew who was there,
22:06
and it left. Like, I always talk about how, you know, we say in
22:10
Massachusetts, or we said growing up, when somebody said
22:13
something that did something, whatever hash or whatever, we'd
22:15
be like, Oh, that's gonna leave a mark, you know, like, that's
22:18
gonna leave, well, I will say this all the all these
22:23
interactions, like totally left a mark on me in the best way, in
22:27
the best way. So you guys, I keep doing my best to show up
22:30
for you week after week after week. We've been at this for
22:33
like seven years. Thank you to those of you who show up for me
22:36
here you listen to the show you like, once in a while, right?
22:41
Once in a while, I get a little tip in my tip jaw. Thank you. It
22:46
means so much to me. Shannon, you know who you are, my
22:48
childhood friend, and once in a while, you guys will send me a
22:52
little email or a shout out, letting me know that this
22:54
episode, or you'll leave a comment on YouTube or whatever
22:57
it is. So it means a lot to me. So thank you for showing up. I
22:59
never take it for granted. I'm always surprised when I bump
23:02
into people on the street and they tell me they listen to the
23:05
show. I'm like, you do? You just sit there? Listen to me be a
23:08
little weirdo up in my office. It's awesome. But you guys,
23:12
another way that we can show up for ourselves is by telling the
23:16
stories that matter, like so much of what this show is about,
23:19
besides spreading more love in the world, or whatever it's
23:22
about getting to, you know, communicate what's on my mind
23:24
and what's on my hat. But one of the other ways I do that is
23:26
through writing. And I'm a gateless writing instructor,
23:29
maybe I'll do a whole show about this. But if you are also this,
23:34
first workshop is so I'm starting something called the
23:37
right club, or it's just right club is what it is, but what it
23:41
is is it's going to be a monthly workshop that I'm doing. It's a
23:45
generative writing workshop. It's called write club. We have
23:48
the first one coming up on Saturday, May 30, from one to
23:52
4pm and it's at the writing gallery. I'm holding up the
23:55
card. It's the writing gallery 146 North Main Street. And the
24:01
link for that is going to be live shortly, probably tomorrow.
24:06
So maybe I'll put it in the show notes. I don't know. I'll figure
24:09
out a way to get it to you, but if you're not on my email list
24:12
yet, that is one of the best ways. It's one of the best ways
24:16
to to get on the like find out everything that I'm doing and
24:22
stuff. So I'm gonna look it up really quick, because I would
24:25
feel really bad if I gave you the wrong link. And I sometimes
24:28
don't. I'm like, Oh, I better make sure that I that I'm giving
24:34
you the right friggin link before I do this. There it is,
24:41
yeah, so just go to Karen kenney.com so it's k, e, n, n,
24:46
e, y, make sure you spell my last name right, Karen
24:49
kenney.com backslash. Sign up one word, and that's how you can
24:54
get on my email list. Wicked easy, and you'll find out all
24:57
about the events, the exhibits, like things that I have going
24:59
on. You'll get this podcast right into your inbox. Easy
25:02
peasy. Thank you for your patience. Just then, while I was
25:05
looking it up and double checking because I don't want to
25:07
send you on a wild goose chase. So that's kind of what's going
25:11
on over here. You guys, my hat was really moved. A little part
25:14
of me was healed. A little part of the little kid in me who
25:16
didn't always have people showing up to her games and her
25:19
events and her stuff. It just meant the world to me. So it was
25:24
amazing. And Jocelyn, who owns the gallery, is fantastic. And
25:28
if you're local and you want to see the piece, and you kind of
25:31
want to meet me there, and I can kind of talk to you about it,
25:34
and whatever, if I'm around, I always say I'm happy to do it. I
25:38
have a bunch of people who couldn't come to the event, who
25:41
let me know that they still want to see it. So we're making plans
25:44
to because the show is up until, like may 30. It's going to come
25:48
down after my after my first write club over there at the
25:53
writing gallery. So you guys, thank you so much. Wherever you
25:56
go, may you leave the animals and yourself and the people and
26:01
the environment and the planet better than how you found it
26:04
wherever you go. May you and your presence and your love and
26:09
your compassion, your energy and your showing upness, your your
26:15
effort of showing up, right? May it be a blessing. Bye. Hey,
26:22
thanks so much for listening to the show. I really love spending
26:25
some time together. Now, if you dig the show or know someone
26:28
that could benefit from this episode, please share it with
26:32
them and help me to spread the good word and the love. And if
26:35
you want to be in the know about all of my upcoming shenanigans,
26:39
head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign, up and join my
26:44
list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch. Bye. You.