Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #401 I'll Do Better Tomorrow - The Family Meeting

Transcript

#401 I'll Do Better Tomorrow - The Family Meeting · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, can we do like a pyramid or do we
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: need toimny out us? Family photos are generally quite hard
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: work to get them to smile, and in the past
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: or the photos we've got up our whole way probably
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: a result of Tony dropping his pants behind camera to
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: try and get a genuine smile.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Out of them.
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: Just the bottom, just the Butcher. I love Fridays. It
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: always feels so good. Hello. This is doctor Justin Coilson,
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: the fount of Happy Families dot Common. Today you and
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: it's so good to have you as part of the
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: Happy Families Podcast. Today, I'll do Better Tomorrow. Every Friday,
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: we reflect on what's gone well for the week that
• 0:44
  Speaker 4: was and try to work out how we can be
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: better parents moving forward. Kylie and I sat down with
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: our kids at the end of parental Guidance and had
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: a bit of a family conversation, a family meeting about
• 0:53
  Speaker 4: how we can make our family happier based on the
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: things that we learned from the TV show, and we
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: thought we would share some of that convers with you
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: with our children's permission. Of course, they knew that we
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: were recording it, and we wanted to share bits and
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: pieces of that conversation as we reflected on what the
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: TV show meant for us as a family and how
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: it can help us to be happier. So normally when
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: we have our family meetings, we talk about three things,
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: what went well, what didn't, what we're going to improve on.
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: We're not going to follow that exactly for this meeting,
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: but we're going to play around with those ideas and
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: see how we go. So what I would love to
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: have happen right now is for everyone really quickly to
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: introduce themselves, one after the other, from oldest to youngest.
• 1:33
  Speaker 5: Go Aba, I'm Annie, I'm.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: So.
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: We've got Abby who's now an adult, Ello who will
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: be one in the next couple of months, Annie, who
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: is in about to go to grade nine. Lily starts
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: high school next year. In Emily, what great are you
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: going into next year? Well, okay, I had pass. Yeah,
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: we gave you prep twice because we wanted you to
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: be a bit bigger and have more time to play,
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: didn't we.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: All right, Kylie, First question.
• 2:03
  Speaker 6: For the girls, Well, now that you've watched the show Girls,
• 2:07
  Speaker 6: what style of parents.
• 2:09
  Speaker 7: Do you think mummy and daddy are no idea mix
• 2:12
  Speaker 7: of everything.
• 2:13
  Speaker 5: Mix of everything, free range French.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: Oh you think we're friend oh, monsieur mademoiselle.
• 2:25
  Speaker 8: I don't think that you guys stick to one specific
• 2:32
  Speaker 8: parents in style, Like I've never seen parents that's set
• 2:36
  Speaker 8: in a style before, because my friends all take bits
• 2:41
  Speaker 8: and pieces from different styles, and that's kind of how
• 2:45
  Speaker 8: I feel like you guys do it sometimes.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: Okay, so we've got French, so we treat you like
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: you're actually adults who are capable of figuring things out.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: We've got free range. We can't let you work out
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: your own limits.
• 2:57
  Speaker 5: Sometimes. Yeah, it's just different because there's some.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Days where like there's certain activities like you know that
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: we can do it by ourselves, so you let us
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: go free range. And then there's other activities where you're like, okay,
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: we need to do this. There's definitely limits, and so
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: that kind of makes it difficult to pick.
• 3:23
  Speaker 9: Which one you are, because I'd say that the type
• 3:25
  Speaker 9: that you're definitely not is the helicopter.
• 3:28
  Speaker 5: You're definitely not wondering over us all the time. You
• 3:31
  Speaker 5: love it to do our own little thing, have our
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: own little privacy and I'm alwast tanying eight.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: And we're not homeschool later, No, I think that was
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: what you wanted to do.
• 3:43
  Speaker 9: Yeah, we wanted to do some of the principles of homeschool,
• 3:46
  Speaker 9: Like without being a homeschool parent, you have some of
• 3:48
  Speaker 9: the principles that she puts into her own kids, Like
• 3:52
  Speaker 9: you are constantly teaching us when we are at home,
• 3:55
  Speaker 9: and we have the same sort of relationship as siblings
• 4:00
  Speaker 9: as they do because of the way that they were raised.
• 4:03
  Speaker 6: I think I have to know who were your favorite
• 4:06
  Speaker 6: parents this one?
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: Who are they?
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: Lily?
• 4:10
  Speaker 5: So, I really like our free range parents Penny and Daniel.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: I Actually she sounds like she should be on the sounds.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: It sounds like, why do you like them?
• 4:24
  Speaker 5: Biggus?
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: I see like I just love like she literally just
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: walked outside and he was at the very top of
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: a lamp post, and she just went, do you want
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: some grk and Molly?
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: And then she just walked back inside. She was like,
• 4:38
  Speaker 5: oh my gosh, she gets blunt down. She was just
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: really calm.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: She sure was What about you, Annie, I would.
• 4:46
  Speaker 10: Have to say either homeschooling or free range, free range,
• 4:52
  Speaker 10: because they're just so relaxed and they're constantly having fun
• 4:54
  Speaker 10: and they really don't care.
• 4:56
  Speaker 5: They're happy to do whatever.
• 4:58
  Speaker 10: And then homeschooling was just really interesting because she's a
• 5:01
  Speaker 10: single mom who's raising six kids, and it was just
• 5:05
  Speaker 10: crazy because she's doing homeschooling and I was just like,
• 5:10
  Speaker 10: I could never see my.
• 5:11
  Speaker 5: Parents doing that, Like that was so cool that she's
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: doing that.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: Thanks Annie, What.
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: About your girls?
• 5:18
  Speaker 9: I think for me it's the Routine Parents and the
• 5:24
  Speaker 9: homeschooling mum, because I think one of the things I
• 5:27
  Speaker 9: loved about the Routine Parents was the way that when
• 5:31
  Speaker 9: they did the Opposite Day challenge, their kids chose to
• 5:35
  Speaker 9: go on a date night, because I thought that that
• 5:38
  Speaker 9: was like, it shows that they see their parents and
• 5:42
  Speaker 9: how much love they have for each other, and their
• 5:44
  Speaker 9: parents prioritize their relationship as well as the way that
• 5:48
  Speaker 9: they take care of their kids, which I think is
• 5:50
  Speaker 9: really awesome because a lot of parents these days, at
• 5:54
  Speaker 9: least the ones that I see, they don't prioritize date
• 5:57
  Speaker 9: nights because they've got so much other stuff going on.
• 6:00
  Speaker 6: So I'm wondering, after watching the show, what parenting style
• 6:05
  Speaker 6: you think you will take into your family.
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: Free range French or routine.
• 6:16
  Speaker 8: Yeah, I don't know.
• 6:17
  Speaker 9: I don't want to be set in one way. I
• 6:21
  Speaker 9: want to like because I like the ideas of French
• 6:26
  Speaker 9: and being able to treat my child like an adult.
• 6:29
  Speaker 8: But I also.
• 6:32
  Speaker 9: Of having a kid be a kid and letting them
• 6:35
  Speaker 9: have their free range style. But I also like a routine,
• 6:40
  Speaker 9: and I like to stick to a routine. So I
• 6:44
  Speaker 9: think that the three of those all together would.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: Make an interesting combination.
• 6:49
  Speaker 9: What about you, Ella, I like the free range because
• 6:53
  Speaker 9: that means that no one has to show up on
• 6:55
  Speaker 9: time for anything and we can.
• 6:56
  Speaker 5: Just got our own pace.
• 6:57
  Speaker 9: I love that.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: I don't think I've gone to school like on time.
• 7:09
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I like the free range.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: I keep saying on time is late.
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: I get to work half an hour early every day.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: That's that's just over ten minutes.
• 7:22
  Speaker 11: Sorry.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: I like that with the free range.
• 7:23
  Speaker 9: But then I think that all of them have their
• 7:27
  Speaker 9: pros and cons, and I want to take all of
• 7:29
  Speaker 9: the pros into that.
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: What about your assembly, Well, I like the free range
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: because in.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: The because but what sort of parent do you want
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: to be?
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: I want to be.
• 7:40
  Speaker 11: Free range because I just want to pretend like children
• 7:44
  Speaker 11: can do whatever they want.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: She wants to pretend she doesn't want them to.
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: Actually they actually can.
• 7:50
  Speaker 11: I mean they can do whatever they want, they can
• 7:53
  Speaker 11: have some fun, they can do whatever they want.
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: Basically, that's what.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: I want to be.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: None of you said that you just want to be
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: like Mum and dad because you're.
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: Not a parenting style on the show.
• 8:05
  Speaker 9: About parents and style on the shows style, I thought
• 8:10
  Speaker 9: you were going to see, he's not a parenting expert.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: What I love about what you've realized girls, as you've.
• 8:17
  Speaker 7: Watched the show is the fact that each of the
• 8:19
  Speaker 7: parenting styles have really good qualities within them, and that
• 8:23
  Speaker 7: we don't have to be stuck into one parenting style,
• 8:27
  Speaker 7: that we can be a little bit of everything, and
• 8:29
  Speaker 7: that you recognize and see the things that Mum and
• 8:32
  Speaker 7: Dad do from each of the styles that add to
• 8:35
  Speaker 7: the qualities that we have in our home and the.
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: Field that we have. But what you're really saying is
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: that we are authoritative parents with parents who give you
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: lots of love, lots of limits, but also the opportunity
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: to develop.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: Your own way for later limits. Yeah, and autonomy support.
• 8:49
  Speaker 6: All right, Lucky, last question, now that you've watched the show,
• 8:53
  Speaker 6: what's one thing you would.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: Like to see our family do more.
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: Of well, I like to see us go swimming more.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: Jumping.
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: Of winter, and we're about to go swimming more. There's
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: this thing I want to say. One week go if
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: we do do the do do you just say do do?
• 9:18
  Speaker 11: If we do the car challenge where you have to
• 9:21
  Speaker 11: go around under the map, I'm going to say to you, guys,
• 9:25
  Speaker 11: aren't taken you to.
• 9:31
  Speaker 10: What at you?
• 9:33
  Speaker 9: I don't know, because I think we should bring sweep
• 9:36
  Speaker 9: Saturdays back, but I don't.
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: Want to wake up at Hey, we've been doing super Saturdays.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: You just haven't been awake for them exactly. I took
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: everyone out.
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: We bought milkshakes together that I can't believe I spent
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: as much on the milkshake for the family. I could
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: have bought ice cream and milk and topping and we
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: could have had milkshakes for a month at home for
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: what it cost for milkshakes.
• 9:55
  Speaker 9: Yeah, but we've got to do, he got, and then
• 9:59
  Speaker 9: he went back and asked them if it was the
• 10:01
  Speaker 9: right price for the Croisso had a three minute talk.
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: To the ladies saying it cost it cost eighteen dollars
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: for a croissant and a cupcake eighteen dollars.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: I said that that doesn't make sense.
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: Like another price list, it said that the cupcake was
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: six dollars, which was just horrendous anyway, and then the
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: Croissan all like, so you charged me twelve dollars for
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: a croissant, but it said eight dollars on the price list,
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: And she said, I know the croissant that I gave
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: you has got the ham and the.
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: Tomato's and tomato for the vegetarian and the family.
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: Well, I never thought it was it was an almond croissant,
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: but she didn't hear me say arm, and she just
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: heard me say Croissan.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: So she charged me twelve bucks for.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: A ham, cheese and tomato, said twenty and eat because
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: it had what's going.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: On in the world. So I gave the hand to
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: the dog that was sitting at the table next to us.
• 10:46
  Speaker 7: George, the five minute meeting that's taken twenty.
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: That's because your girls keep them interrupting.
• 10:51
  Speaker 10: Hey, honestly, I feel like more routine. I feel like
• 10:57
  Speaker 10: we could add more routine into our lives because.
• 10:59
  Speaker 5: We don't really have rig and we say that we're
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: going to.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: Do a routine every Sunday meeting. What we decide on
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: we're going to get our routine happening, and guess who.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Doesn't do it?
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: You make up each morning and you go for a
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: bike ride and then.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: We I've got my routine.
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: I have my routine, I said to Lily, And he
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: said that the one thing that we can improve on
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: and learn from the show is that we can have
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: more routine.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: Can't believe that she said that, what about you?
• 11:24
  Speaker 5: Really?
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Well, I don't know if this is the parenting style,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: but the homeschooling and the helicopter parents, both kids on
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: each one were really nice and loving to each other,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: like else was upset, and Gracia was like, let's just
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: rewind this whole thing and you can go find the keys.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: And then Fletcher or Fletch, I can't remember, he jumped
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: over the diving order to show Lulu it was okay.
• 11:55
  Speaker 5: And they were just really nice and loving towards each other.
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: So I think we could adopt some of that into
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: our family.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: We can always be nicer, can't we?
• 12:05
  Speaker 7: And that's a great.
• 12:08
  Speaker 5: The doctor justin Paul's podcast all the time, I think
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: great one.
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: Well, we hope that that was an interesting and helpful
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: conversation for you We're all about reflecting on family life
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: and being better, being more intentional about how we do
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: family life. Thank you so much for joining us for
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: the conversation. Enjoy your weekend. On Monday, we talk with
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: Kevin and Debbie, the Tiger Parents, about what they learned
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: from the show. We're also going to catch up with
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: Brett and Tony our routine parents, and Andrew and Miriam
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: our Strict Parents. They were the final three families that
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: made it through to that crowded house and participated in
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: those super challenges. Can't wait to have you join us
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: for those three conversations and a whole lot more next
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: week with the Happy Families Podcast. As always, the podcast
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: is produced by Justin Ruhlan from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: is our executive producer and oh, I've just got to
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: mention this one more week till Black Friday. One week
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: until the big big Happy Families sales. Make sure that
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: you've subscribed to the Happy Families newsletter at happy families
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: dot com dot you to get all the information about
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: how you can get more resources for less money than
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: ever with the Black Friday sales next week. Until then,
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: please join us at our website because a happy family
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: doesn't just happen. You find everything you need at happy
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: families dot com dot au