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Bonus IMPROV - Yeah, It Implies Cost · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  welcome to very fine friends hey y'all friends you sound a little down you down no i'm up i'm up
• 0:23
  Here I'll go.
• 0:24
  I'll say, ready?
• 0:26
  Welcome to Very Fine Friends.
• 0:28
  Oh, that's the sound of a man who's up.
• 0:32
  I say I'm so up, we should probably do a little bonus improv.
• 0:37
  What do you say?
• 0:38
  Oh, you mean it?
• 0:40
  Oh, I mean it.
• 0:41
  Today's your lucky day.
• 0:42
  Bonus improv.
• 0:44
  Mm-hmm.
• 0:45
  Hit me with it, Joe.
• 0:46
  What's your suggestion, Joe?
• 0:49
  My suggestion is...
• 0:51
  Very big.
• 0:53
  awards awards
• 0:58
  you ever get an award francis yeah you know i've gotten an award i do the first award i ever got
• 1:08
  was champion chubby what they like put babies in like you know i don't think i knew this
• 1:16
  yeah you said i have a picture of me holding the trophy i was a little baby you know babies have
• 1:20
  rolls. Yeah. So they like put all these like
• 1:22
  rolly babies in a contest and whoever had like
• 1:24
  the most rolls won the contest.
• 1:27
  Wow. Yeah, it was me.
• 1:29
  Thanks for immortalizing
• 1:30
  that camera.
• 1:32
  But that's cute.
• 1:34
  Yeah, I was kind of cute. Yeah.
• 1:36
  So this picture I was like smiling and like my
• 1:38
  mouth is open and you can see my little baby tongue.
• 1:42
  Surprise
• 1:42
  I didn't eat the trophy.
• 1:45
  Or did I?
• 1:47
  Did you?
• 1:48
  Yeah.
• 1:49
  You were young.
• 1:50
  Guess who was in the picture with me?
• 1:52
  My little chihuahua, Kokomo.
• 1:56
  That's cute.
• 1:57
  Yeah, I have a video of me going.
• 1:58
  We're like getting ready to leave the house.
• 1:59
  And you know that they have like the big Magnavox?
• 2:03
  Like over the shoulder camera?
• 2:04
  Yeah, yeah.
• 2:05
  And we're getting ready and I was like,
• 2:07
  did you feed Kokomo?
• 2:09
  It was so cute.
• 2:11
  Adorable baby.
• 2:12
  Did they feed Kokomo?
• 2:14
  Yeah, she said, yes, I fed Kokomo.
• 2:16
  I'll bring the video sometime.
• 2:17
  All right, cool.
• 2:18
  I look forward to it.
• 2:20
  Thanks.
• 2:20
  Have you ever won anything?
• 2:22
  Um, I think probably the biggest award or like the, the one, the biggest is I not, not
• 2:31
  really is the answer to this question.
• 2:33
  The closest I ever came, I think was, uh, when I was at basketball camp when I was probably
• 2:41
  like 10, 11, 12, somewhere in there.
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  and they had us in like different groups
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  and like each group had their own like awards
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  but there was like one,
• 2:54
  like there was like an overall award
• 2:56
  that was most improved camper that I won That was like the biggest award they had But it was funny
• 3:09
  I remember we're all sitting on the court in our lines
• 3:13
  as they're doing their award ceremony or whatever.
• 3:15
  And they're like, Most Improved.
• 3:16
  And they're like, Jenna.
• 3:17
  And it took me a second to realize they called my name.
• 3:20
  And so I didn't get up right away.
• 3:23
  It just didn't occur to me that it would be me.
• 3:26
  So then I jumped up and then I ran to the front.
• 3:28
  And they're like, look at her hustling even now to get her award.
• 3:32
  But it was one of those things.
• 3:33
  It's like, I knew, like, I know exactly why they gave it to me.
• 3:38
  And it was one of these moments.
• 3:40
  It was like, so I, it was like, like a recess type moment.
• 3:44
  And there was a bunch of like camp counselors standing around.
• 3:48
  And I went up to him and I was like, hey, can I ask you about my shot?
• 3:51
  And like, can you help me?
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  Like, I'm not sure if I'm doing this right.
• 3:54
  So like, it was like, I took my time that was like technically my free time.
• 3:58
  and I asked the counselors for help
• 4:00
  because I wanted to get better.
• 4:02
  And I'm pretty sure that that one moment,
• 4:04
  and I remember at the time when it was happening,
• 4:06
  like I did actually want to,
• 4:07
  like I wasn't trying to game the system,
• 4:09
  but I remember at the time like being like,
• 4:10
  they love this.
• 4:12
  They love that I asked them for help like this.
• 4:15
  And then it was like, it was proven correct.
• 4:18
  Wow.
• 4:18
  I didn't do it to be manipulative.
• 4:20
  No, no, I would never think that about you.
• 4:22
  Well, I mean, I am capable of that.
• 4:24
  But in that particular instance,
• 4:25
  I was legitimately asking for their help, but I could tell that they were.
• 4:31
  See, that's why I would love to be able to read minds, because that would be so funny.
• 4:35
  I was like watching all this happen, and then I just like reading your mind, and you're
• 4:38
  like, they love this.
• 4:39
  Laughing in the corner.
• 4:41
  You'll never know.
• 4:43
  Yeah.
• 4:44
  Well, that's great.
• 4:45
  Congratulations.
• 4:45
  Yeah, thanks.
• 4:46
  I was like when I was 10.
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  You earned it.
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  I peaked with most improved, which also implies needing a lot of improvement.
• 4:55
  It implies not starting out so great.
• 4:58
  It's okay.
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  Still an award.
• 4:59
  Yeah.
• 5:00
  Thanks.
• 5:01
  I appreciate it.
• 5:02
  Anytime.
• 5:04
  And now, improv.
• 5:13
  Mildred, I have something for you.
• 5:16
  Oh, thank you.
• 5:18
  What is it?
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  Well, I had it made at the Trophy Store.
• 5:22
  Has your name on it.
• 5:23
  Oh.
• 5:24
  Oh, is it best friend?
• 5:28
  Close.
• 5:29
  Oh.
• 5:30
  Let me open it for you.
• 5:31
  It says...
• 5:32
  Best pies?
• 5:33
  I make the best pies.
• 5:34
  No, no, no.
• 5:35
  It says, to Mildred, award, last week, you were not annoying.
• 5:42
  Oh.
• 5:44
  It's heavy.
• 5:45
  Yeah, it implies cost.
• 5:48
  Oh, it's...
• 5:49
  Oh, the top of it is a bust of my head that my mouth is open and I look real naggy.
• 5:58
  They got it pretty close, huh?
• 6:01
  Yeah.
• 6:02
  Ooh Wait so wait I sorry Last week I was not annoyed No it was great It was really good I even got to cancel my therapy appointment this week Wait wait
• 6:13
  Thank you.
• 6:14
  Wait, no, I'm sorry.
• 6:15
  If I'm getting an award specifically for not being annoying last week,
• 6:20
  Agnes, does this mean I'm annoying all the other weeks?
• 6:27
  Oh my God.
• 6:28
  I have an award just for this moment.
• 6:31
  To Mildred, award.
• 6:32
  for reading between the lines.
• 6:35
  Oh, no.
• 6:37
  Wait, no, no, no.
• 6:38
  Have you been trying, am I not good at that?
• 6:40
  Have you been trying to drop hints and I haven't been getting them?
• 6:43
  A third award.
• 6:45
  What?
• 6:46
  Mildred.
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  She gets it.
• 6:48
  Well, that one I like.
• 6:50
  Oh, there's a little part at the bottom.
• 6:53
  Other times she doesn't.
• 6:54
  Oh.
• 6:55
  What?
• 6:55
  It's cute.
• 6:56
  All of these awards are implying that most of my life I'm pretty stupid.
• 7:00
  and there's only fleeting moments
• 7:04
  where I'm actually a human being
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  that you want to be around
• 7:06
  I gotta write that down, that's so poetic
• 7:08
  there's only fleeting moments
• 7:09
  where I'm a human being, where you want to be around
• 7:11
  that was good
• 7:13
  I might have a trophy for you next week for that
• 7:15
  look, I appreciate the trophies
• 7:20
  but you know what, I feel like I'd rather not have them
• 7:23
  if they're going to make me feel like this
• 7:24
  if they're going to make me feel
• 7:25
  like I have to rethink my whole life
• 7:29
  and everything I've ever said and done
• 7:31
  and every cat I've ever bought.
• 7:36
  You don't have a problem with my cats, do you?
• 7:40
  Well, I certainly wasn't going to waste money on them.
• 7:42
  It's a handwritten award.
• 7:44
  Oh.
• 7:44
  To Mildred.
• 7:47
  Last week, I didn't hate your cats.
• 7:50
  But next week I will.
• 7:53
  Oh.
• 7:54
  No, next week your cat's hitting for me.
• 7:57
  You can't hate them if your cat's...
• 7:59
  Yeah.
• 8:00
  I know how negligent you get when you don't like things.
• 8:04
  Yeah.
• 8:05
  I throw cats.
• 8:08
  You throw cats?
• 8:09
  Yeah, they land on their feet.
• 8:10
  You're getting so hysterical.
• 8:13
  Let's just go back to five minutes ago before you were upset.
• 8:16
  Okay.
• 8:17
  Let me just take all these back.
• 8:18
  Okay.
• 8:19
  Thank you.
• 8:19
  They're gone.
• 8:20
  They're off the table, literally.
• 8:21
  Thank you.
• 8:23
  How you doing, Mildred?
• 8:26
  I'm pretty.
• 8:27
  I don't know.
• 8:31
  Let me tell you about,
• 8:33
  did I tell you about my leg thing?
• 8:38
  No.
• 8:39
  It's nothing.
• 8:40
  It's fine.
• 8:40
  Oh, good, good.
• 8:41
  We can probably move on then.
• 8:42
  So here's the deal.
• 8:44
  Okay.
• 8:45
  I went to the doctor
• 8:47
  and I was telling him
• 8:49
  I'm having these,
• 8:50
  skip, skip, skip, skip, skip.
• 8:51
  These pains up and down my leg.
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  Skip forward, skip forward.
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  And he's like,
• 8:55
  Mildred we've talked about this before
• 8:58
  It's on your head I'm like doctor
• 9:00
  I think you told me this story already
• 9:01
  Oh did I? Yeah
• 9:02
  Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to repeat my story
• 9:05
  No that's okay
• 9:06
  Anyway I sure What is that face This face Yeah that face What is that gun Put that gun
• 9:16
  This gun?
• 9:17
  Yeah, remove it from your temple, please.
• 9:19
  No, okay.
• 9:20
  Well, I had an itch to leave this fucking world.
• 9:25
  Mildred.
• 9:26
  Agnes.
• 9:26
  We've been friends a long time.
• 9:27
  Yeah.
• 9:28
  I just have to be honest.
• 9:29
  We were both chubby babies next to each other in bassinets.
• 9:33
  I know, and I won.
• 9:35
  I know.
• 9:35
  Listen, there's a lot of great things about you.
• 9:39
  I'm just going to...
• 9:41
  You're here.
• 9:43
  Existing?
• 9:44
  Yeah.
• 9:44
  Existing is the best thing about me?
• 9:46
  Existing is so rare.
• 9:48
  Most people don't exist.
• 9:49
  Everyone does exist.
• 9:51
  Not the people who aren't here yet or who have died.
• 9:54
  The people that died existed.
• 9:56
  Okay.
• 9:57
  Well, you're either going to love this or you're going to hate this.
• 10:00
  I have an award.
• 10:02
  It says,
• 10:03
  Dear Mildred,
• 10:04
  yeah you're alive yeah dot dot dot and then the smiley face that looks like this
• 10:13
  the like the woman's kind of sticking his tongue out yeah it's uh yeah but wait but the dot dot
• 10:21
  dot does that imply that implies something yeah it implies there's more on the backside
• 10:27
  I'm turning around okay
• 10:30
  and I wish I was dead
• 10:32
  so my
• 10:35
  award is for
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  being
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  alive but you wish
• 10:41
  you were dead
• 10:41
  do I really need to look in my bag for the one that says you get it
• 10:45
  yeah
• 10:48
  you know what
• 10:49
  you know what
• 10:50
  I have an award for you
• 10:53
  too
• 10:53
  I actually did have one made for you
• 10:57
  this is very odd that you started doing this.
• 10:58
  Oh my God.
• 10:59
  Awards.
• 11:00
  Yeah.
• 11:01
  Give it to me.
• 11:02
  Yeah.
• 11:04
  Here.
• 11:05
  Here it is.
• 11:07
  It says to Agnes.
• 11:10
  Good.
• 11:11
  So far so good.
• 11:14
  The best friend in the whole world
• 11:18
  who makes me happy to be alive
• 11:24
  and who is the meaning of my existence.
• 11:30
  And I got you one other one.
• 11:33
  Oh, so sweet.
• 11:36
  To Agnes, best at not throwing cats.
• 11:40
  Oh, here I got one for myself too.
• 11:42
  It says to Agnes.
• 11:44
  So I guess I'm the asshole.
• 11:45
  Thanks.
• 11:47
  Yeah.
• 11:47
  I guess you are.
• 11:51
  Well, I'm trophy rich.
• 11:54
  And I'm friend poor.
• 11:58
  That's it.