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Do narcissists love their children? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be answering the question, can a
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  narcissist love their child? Prep for this one?
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  Y'all if you do. Here my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  episode 980 of the Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back, Welcome back. Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. So that's the question of the
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  hour, isn't it? Can a narcissist really love,
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  truly love their children? That's what we ask.
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  That's what people want to know, right?
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  So this is one of the tough questions.
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  Y'all, because I know most people first thought is going to
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  be absolutely not. Because you haven't you had
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  experience with a narcissist that doesn't care about their
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  child. You know, So is this can do some
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  narcissists not care about their children?
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  Yes. Some narcissistic people do not
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  care about their offspring. Let's just keep it real.
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  That's not me trying to lie, sugar coat or anything like
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  that. Some narcissists do not care
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  about their children whatsoever. They're just the they're just
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  the like the, the, the on the other side of the equals on the
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  other side of the equal sign. You mean this plus this, equals
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  this and equals kids. Cheeks plus clapped equals
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  children. Doesn't mean I have to have a
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  connection to those children. Doesn't mean anything.
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  It just means cheeks plus clap times 2 equals kids, you know,
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  so they don't have any connecting to kids.
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  Some narcissistic people are so selfish and so entitled and so
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  just self-serving. Then no, they cannot connect to
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  their children at all. You know, sometimes they see the
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  kids as just the extensions of themselves and they hate those
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  kids because they internally might hate themselves.
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  The kids might trigger up who they used to be.
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  The kids might remind that narcissistic person of their
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  inner child. They're damaged, scared, hurt,
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  traumatized inner child. The inner child that never got a
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  chance to grow up. The inner child that never got a
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  chance that that The inner child that didn't get a fair shake at
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  life because they had toxic, abusive, manipulative parents.
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  I'm not. This is not really.
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  Let me rewind. Remember.
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  Yeah, your. Child, I'm not making excuses
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  for talk to narcissistic people. Y'all.
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  They don't take care of the kids.
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  This is not me trying to say that.
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  This is just me. Give you perspective right here.
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  Because this is one of the main things that I've struggled with.
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  Because when I first before I got diagnosed as a narcissist,
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  when I was reading in the literature and Googling
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  narcissistic personality disorder and Googling
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  narcissistic traits and things like that, this is one of the
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  things I used to ask myself. I was just like, do I love my
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  kids? Do I care about my kids?
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  And I struggle. With that.
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  It says it online in some days. Narcissists don't care about
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  their kids. People are straightforward and
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  they say it in some videos, they will say narcissists cannot care
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  about their children. Narcissists only care about
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  themselves. Blah blah blah, Boo Boo Boo bee
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  bee bee. You know, I'm not trying to
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  demean anybody's experience because.
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  Because it can't absolutely be true that some narcissists do
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  not care about their kids at all.
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  Not not like 0%. None whatsoever.
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  Right. But you do get to some
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  narcissistic people that do care about their children.
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  I I can't throw a percentage out there.
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  I don't have a number in mind. But there is.
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  There are narcissists that care about their children.
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  But this in lies a problem. This can be problematic as well.
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  Believe. What the hell are you talking
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  about? How on earth could caring about
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  your children be a problem? It can be problematic when
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  you're in a committed relationship with somebody and
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  you're treating the other parent horrible, but you're taking care
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  of the kids like you are neglecting the other parent
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  there. You're neglecting your husband,
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  you're neglecting your wife, you're neglecting your partner,
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  right? While taking care of the kids in
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  front of them like you see how they can be problematic within
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  the household. I'm not saying there's a problem
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  with them taking care of their kids or loving their kids,
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  right? I'm saying it's problematic when
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  they're treating the other partner like crap.
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  And I believe, and one of the reasons I do believe this right
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  here is because I do think that narcissist have a, what I call,
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  what I refer to as limited emotional capacity, right?
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  Like they only have limited like we have emotions, right?
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  But we don't have a lot to go around.
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  So we if we don't have a lot to go around, we have to pick and
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  choose where the emotions go right?
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  Where the affection goes, where the little bit of empathy that
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  we might have, where it goes, right?
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  So you. Might be getting to that first,
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  right? But in like, the partner might
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  get the little bit of empathy, a little bit of compassion at
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  first, right? But once kids come into play,
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  that means there's more to divide up into, right?
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  There's more to split it up with.
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  There's less to go. There's less love to go around.
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  So I have to talk. I have to pick and choose where
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  my love goes. I'm going to give it to the
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  kids. And that's one of the main
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  struggles that I had in my relationship, right?
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  Right. Like, literally I was.
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  I was being a parent. I was being an active, present
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  parent, but I was neglecting my wife, which is a problem in that
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  household. You know, I'm treating the kids
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  good. I'm taking the kids out.
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  I'm partying with the kids. I'm playing with the kids.
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  I'm staying up with the kids late at night.
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  We building forts, we make, we do them, we playing Fortnite, we
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  do all this other stuff. But me and my wife don't have
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  any time together. There's zero compassion.
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  There's zero we don't. We, we, we become roommates.
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  And so she left, you see, because I was neglecting her
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  because I only. It's why.
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  It's like, it's almost like I only cared about the kids
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  because I love my kids. Well, how do you know you love
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  your kids? One thing, and this is the
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  transition where I realize that I love and care about my kids so
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  much, I will give my life for my children.
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  You know, I used to struggle with that.
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  I used to like, why do I get my life?
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  I I want to raise them to the point where they can protect
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  their own. They can defend their own lives.
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  And this sounds like a bad parent, but that's my thought
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  process right there I would be struggling with.
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  What? I die.
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  For my children right now, I will give my life for my kids
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  immediately. Immediately.
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  Those. Those?
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  No, No thoughts asked. But I love them and they deserve
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  the world. They deserve a fighting.
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  They deserve to grow better than I have.
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  They. They deserve to grow better than
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  me. So that's how I know I love my
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  children. I would give my life right now
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  if they're just like right now. You ready?
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  Me or me or my kids. All right, Y'all got to hop off
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  the video. Got to go, you know,
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  immediately. It was suck, you mean, but they
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  they they get to live. They get a.
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  Chance to survival. I'm gone.
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  You know. And that's the sacrifice I used
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  to struggle to, to even think about making.
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  But right now I looked at myself in the mirror.
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  I was like, damn, I love my kids.
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  I look at my kids and smile. I'm thankful.
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  For them, you know. I would.
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  Definitely get my life for them, but I'm.
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  Just like I'm still working. Hard, you know?
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  But that's that's the test right there.
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  That's the barometer. Do you think, Well, Lee, how can
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  we tell about if I partly loves our kids or, you know, if my
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  narcissistic ex loves our kids? Ask yourself that question right
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  there. Would they give their life up
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  for them or they make not just the life because that's that's a
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  big, that's a big git right there.
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  Would they sacrifice anything for those kids?
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  What? What are they willing to
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  sacrifice and give up for those kids?
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  Somebody who truly loves their kids will make or be or they are
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  willing to sacrifice for those kids.
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  They're willing to sacrifice. They're willing to give up a
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  little to get to be in the kids lives.
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  They're willing to, you know, man, you see what I'm saying?
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  So. Can some narcissist love their
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  kids? Yes, I said.
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  Some. Narcissists.
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  Only love their kids. Some narcissists hyper focus on
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  loving their kids so much because I think this is what
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  happens sometimes in the mind of a narcissist that has kids and
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  they're taking care of the kids or they're trying to take care
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  of the kids. Because not not all narcissists.
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  Just because they love to care about their kids does not mean
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  that they're going to make good parents.
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  Because sometimes a narcissistic parent can become overbearing
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  because they want to give their kids the life that they
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  themselves didn't have. They want to, you know what I
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  mean? They want, they want.
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  They become overbearing and kind of start to live vicariously
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  through their children. The goals and dreams and hopes
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  and dreams that that parent might have had, They bestow
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  those. They bestow those goals and
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  dreams and hopes upon the children, right.
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  And they keep and like I said, and they become tyrants.
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  They can become tyrants to the kids.
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  You know, you got to, you got to fulfill my dream, you got to,
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  you got to, you got to fulfill my legacy.
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  You got to do this, you got to do that.
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  They become tyrant and what not to the children, to the kids.
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  So that happens as well. Y'all.
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  So that's what I'm just saying. Like, if you are dealing with a
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  narcissistic person, we're not saying that narcissists don't
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  care about the kids because y'all again, some of them don't.
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  Some narcissists absolutely do not give a damn about their
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  children. And they will.
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  They will show you by neglecting the kids.
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  They will show you by abusing the kids.
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  They will show you by only using the kids as leverage to get back
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  into your life. They will show you, you know
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  what I mean? They will show you.
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  Seriously, That's what happens. That's the spot that a lot of
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  people get, that a lot of people fall into, that they will
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  absolutely show you that they don't care.
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  Like their behaviors will show you that they don't care about
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  the kids. And that's the space that so
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  many of us fall into. Y'all.
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  So I was just, I was just telling you, watch their
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  behaviors, you know, watch their behaviors, watch how they act,
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  watch how they react. There's a different dynamic.
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  There's a different mindset in play when you're dealing with
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  this toxic, narcissistic behaviors.
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  You mean it just it's baby steps in the right direction.
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  You know you can't like say I would say this to y'all as well.
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  You can't. If they don't care about the
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  kids, you can't force them into the kids lives.
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  You can't, you can't under like my son needs his father, my
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  daughter needs his father, my daughter needs their mother, The
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  kids need their mother in their life.
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  Yeah, you can't force it to be parents because if you force it
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  upon them they will become even more neglectful and resentful
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  towards you. You know that.
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  So it it that will beg the question right there.
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  Is it better to have an absent parent or a present parent that
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  is toxic as hell? That that is toxic and abusive?
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  Toxic, abusive, neglectful, All the other stuff you know?
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  Ask yourself that question right there.
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  Because some narcissists can care about their kids.
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  I'd say some of them can, but like, there's a lot of them that
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  don't. Y'all, you know, and their
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  behaviors and their examples. I don't care what they say.
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  This is let me, let me say words, Y'all words are typically
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  meaningless to me. Wordy actions to back up these
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  words. Words lie.
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  I love my kids. I don't care about my kids.
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  I miss my family. Where are your actions at?
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  Why are you not? If you miss this family, If you.
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  Miss If you miss these kids, why your behavior is not becoming
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  less abusive, why are you not trying to change your behaviors?
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  Why are you not working on yourself?
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  You can say that all you want to, but what are your?
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  Behaviors. Saying back up your words, you
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  see what I'm saying. If actions, you know if actions.
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  And like I said, words. And actions, right?
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  If words are the dollar, then actions are the gold that back
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  it up. Oh, what is that?
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  Where did that? Come from.
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  Oh, yo, where did that analogy come from?
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  Oh, I just dug that one up right there.
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  I just dug it up because, you know, the dollar, the US dollar
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  is backed by gold, the gold reserves.
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  If words are the dollar, then gold is the action that backs it
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  up. Oh my God.
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  That's how. That's the currency of
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  communication. Oh, what is the currency?
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  What? The currency of communication?
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  Oh my God. Oh yeah.
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  I'm putting that on Twitter right now.
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  Y'all. Can't take that from me.
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  You will not take this from me. That was fire.
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  Oh, my goodness. What was that?
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  What was that? Oh my goodness.
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  OK, y'all. So here is my kids book.
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  It is available on Amazon. It's called Remember, it's Not
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  Your fault, right? This is to help kids in toxic
• 12:07
  households learn about the truth.
• 12:09
  Learn about boundaries, learn about loving themselves, caring
• 12:12
  about themselves, not blaming themselves for their parents.
• 12:15
  Relationship going sour. It's called Remember, it's not
• 12:18
  Your fault. It's on Amazon.
• 12:19
  If you already have the book, hit that five stars for me on
• 12:21
  Amazon. Please, please, please I beg of
• 12:23
  you. Seriously, Thank you all so much
• 12:25
  for being here. Like and subscribe for more and
• 12:28
  it's always y'all nothing. This is out peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 12:35
  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 12:37
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 12:39
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 12:42
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 12:45
  kids. But remember it's not your fault
• 12:48
  on Amazon so check that out. Thank you.
• 12:50
  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.