Latest / The Rooted Family / Ep 12 | The Daily Reset Your Family Might Be Missing (Our Quiet Afternoon Rhythm with 7 Kids)

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Ep 12 | The Daily Reset Your Family Might Be Missing (Our Quiet Afternoon Rhythm with 7 Kids) · The Rooted Family

• Christian Cornish: We want to briefly talk about the science behind this because this isn't just a nice idea. Your body actually needs this. Throughout the day, your body is constantly shifting between two states. is what you would call the go mode and that's when you're alert, moving, ⁓ solving, ⁓ stress. And the other is rest mode. And that's where your body actually slows down. It repairs, heals, resets. Do you hear this? That's the sound of a quiet afternoon in our home. And I know for some of you listening, that probably feels impossible. But what if I told you that this simple rhythm, just a couple of hours in the middle of the day, has been one of the most powerful things we've ever done for the peace of our family? Yeah, if your afternoons feel loud, chaotic, like you're just running on fumes by dinnertime, there's a reason for that. The best example of that would be like sleeping, but you can also have rest mode throughout the day Well, I know something about being sleep deprived after all these kids and this year's the problem for most of us is we just stay in go mode all day From moment we wake up. We're moving Thinking respond to link handling things handling the arguing and the fighting amongst the kids In our last episode, we talked about the hidden stress that we carry as parents and how so many of us are living in a constant state of pressure without even realizing it. And one of the biggest reasons for that is we never actually calm down. Yeah, we go from one thing to the next all day long without ever giving our bodies or our minds a chance to reset. And if we never intentionally slow down, ⁓ your body ⁓ never gets the that it's safe to rest. And when that happens, ⁓ stress doesn't go away. It just stacking on top of itself. And this is why the afternoon or everything starts to feel harder. Like, I can even feel this in myself. more irritable. I And what we've realized is without a built-in rhythm of rest, stress doesn't just disappear, it just compounds. So we want to paint a picture for you. Every day in our home from 1 to 3 p.m. everything slows down. Now mind you, we have seven children ages 12 to 1. They're all like every two years in there and definitely have way less patience, especially when the kids are melting down. Somehow, someway, the house gets quiet for two hours, the littles are usually resting, and the older kids are reading, creating, playing independently, and instead of everyone unraveling by the evening, there's just this sense of calm that carries us through the rest of the day. This isn't about controlling our home. It's about creating a home that knows how to rest. ⁓ And my reaction to it's not something is wrong with me. It's not something, not because something is wrong with you. It's because body never got a chance to reset. And for kids, this is even more important. Their brains are still developing and they're taking so much stimulation. ⁓ And this has been a rhythm in our family since our very first child. And it's something we plan to carry even when the naptimes for the littles are long gone. So if this is already resonating with you, if you're listening and thinking, this is what our home needs. We just want to say this is exactly why we started this podcast. Yep. so one of the best ways that you can support what we're doing here and building the Rooted Family Podcast, and or quiet time ⁓ helps them process, ⁓ and calm down. Rest ⁓ prevents ⁓ later. So you build in something like a quiet afternoon, you're not just creating peace in your home. Yeah, you're actually helping your whole family regulate, physically, ⁓ emotionally, and helping more families and experiencing this kind of peace is by leaving a review. Yeah, we're actually doing something fun with this. Yeah, if you leave a review by the end of May 2026, you'll be entered into an Amazon giveaway. It's super simple. Just go on the Apple app, leave the review, and you're in. And we're also going to start reading one review. on every episode. I'm so excited about this. Me too. It's really blessed us seeing these reviews come in because we don't often hear from our listeners. And so when we get a new review, it really makes me feel connected to the people that are listening and tuning in. Yeah, I agree. So do you want to go ahead and read one of the reviews that we've gotten recently? Yes, this is from JM Read 4, who says, my heart has been longing for a shift and an alignment in our family values and rhythms. This is so timely for the modern, busy Christian family. We can enjoy the abundant life God promises without the overwhelm of keeping up with modern, often chaotic society. I can't wait to listen each week. Ugh, that means so much that review. ⁓ that really is exactly why we do this. Absolutely. So if this podcast has encouraged you in ⁓ way, we'd be so grateful if you took a minute to leave a review. ⁓ because it really does make a difference. so let's get really practical with this episode. We're gonna jump right in and we wanna share with you what we actually do ⁓ our quiet afternoon rhythm ⁓ like we said earlier, we do this rhythm ⁓ every day from a very specific time, from around one o'clock to three o'clock. And we have some ⁓ boundaries, have some, I guess, around this rhythm. that we stick to so that everyone's on the same page. And so we don't do any screens. That means there are no devices ⁓ on, no ⁓ Nintendo ⁓ no ⁓ TV There's literally screen time. everyone So this rhythm is not just for the littles who are napping. ⁓ This is for all of our kids ⁓ and for ourselves. like on the weekends, we get to enjoy quiet time together as a family. ⁓ Obviously during the week, is working a full-time job and he is not able to ⁓ participate ⁓ with our quiet But I do know when you work from home, you do appreciate the quiet house in the afternoons. ⁓ I can't tell you enough how much I do. Yeah, and so what that like is for our littles, they of course nap and we keep our kids napping until they're about kindergarten age. And so we just have placed that expectation since our first kid was a baby and we've stuck with it all the way through. So right now our kids ages are 12, 10, eight, seven, five, three, and one. Wow, you got them all right. Good job. Oh man. blasted through that. You didn't even to pause. This At least we didn't say their birthdays because I go to the pharmacy and I tell them the wrong birthday every time. They look at me like, I can't find them in the system. You're a terrible dad. Yeah, pretty much. Don't even ask me my kid's birth weights. Like, nope. That was not something I have locked into my memory. Do people try to memorize that? Oh yeah, that's like a thing. so getting back to it, we have right now, we have a one-year-old napping at this very moment, actually, as we're recording. We have a one-year-old napping, we have a three-year-old napping, and a five-year-old. And our five-year-old, we will have him transition into not napping unless he needs it, starting in the fall when he goes to kindergarten. And so that has worked out really well for us, but it definitely has not come with this like beautiful, easy road Like there are definitely moments where it feels really hard. ⁓ As the ⁓ older they also and they usually not napping. I would say that you and I kind of sense if some kids need a nap still. Like sometimes our seven-year-old and eight-year-old, if they're having a rough week, might lay down for a nap on the weekends. But for the most part, our older kids, our four older kids, ⁓ 12, the 10, the eight, and the seven-year-old. And ⁓ intentionally make the quiet time of the afternoon, something that they look forward to and that they enjoy. Today was not a great example of that. I mean, it went well after they got situated. Yeah, it's funny because it's like the day that we're recording about quiet afternoons, the first half hour was not quiet. was like ⁓ of the kids were bickering and fighting about not doing quiet time And had, I felt like I was repeating myself like a broken record, like go ⁓ read, go find something quiet to do. Please. go take a nap if you need to, and it was just constant. ⁓ they ⁓ into high gear and they're like, okay, she's not budging, so we better go find something to do. Yeah, there's always a moment where they push boundaries, because that's what kids do. They push the boundary, And days just fall right into that rhythm. ⁓ and other days they want to push the boundary. true. Yeah. And I think that on days where I see them pushing the boundary more are days that they don't have a good idea of what to do during quiet time. Like if they have ⁓ to look forward to or they, or if I've coached them a little bit on, Hey, would you like to do this activity or this activity? Or maybe if I pull out something that we haven't done in a long time. ⁓ like a hidden craft or like some sort of hidden, you know, drawing book, you know, they'll get excited about it. But I do think that we get more pushback when they don't have an idea on what to do. So we have found actually that when the kids know what to expect, they begin enjoying it. So here are some of the different quiet time activities that our older kids like to do. And you can chime in too as you think of some ideas. So I'm home mostly with the kids during the week. So I'm facilitating this quiet afternoon rhythm for our family. And I have really enjoyed watching the kids pick up new hobbies ⁓ example, whittling ⁓ is ⁓ one that Ella picked up ⁓ a couple of years ago that's just these like wood knives wood carving. ⁓ little creatures and animals and spoons out of wood blocks. Yeah. I think there's this. really opportunity, to give our kids some space to try new things, to do new things, or do something they're interested in. I'll tell you, any money you spend on this area is completely worth it because ⁓ They see that you're not just like trying to them be quiet and sit in the corner for two hours. Like you're giving them the opportunities to, ⁓ know, try a whittling kit or watercolor. calligraphy. Legos. ⁓ Legos. boys love doing Legos. It's ⁓ amazing how much our girls have. really loved building Legos. Yeah. And different kids do different things. Some kids are going to want to read. Some kids like to do puzzles. Some kids want to listen to stories. we have our our Yoto device where we have things like the Chronicles of Narnia or ⁓ some other book series that they can listen to. Yeah, the Yoto We'll put the link to it in the show notes. This is such a cool device and one that we have discovered within those last year. It's similar to the Tony. So if you've ever heard of the Tony box, our three year old loves her Tonys, but it's essentially a independent learning device where They have these little cards, you buy the audio books or you can buy music. inside of the Yoto device. They listen to it their own. They can plug in their headphones. ⁓ And so yeah, during the afternoon, I would say the biggest thing is encouraging them to each an activity that they really love to do individually. ⁓ I really do try to keep them individual for at least half the quiet time because I know that if they are playing together, eventually someone's gonna come to me crying and whining that someone hurt their feelings or, you know, was upset about a game that they lost or something. So for me, it's really critical to keep all the older kids separate for a while. The other piece of that too is I think that we... underestimate how much our introverted kids need when it comes to quiet time because we live in such an overstimulated world and our kids if they're going to school they're surrounded by people all day or if they are you know I just think that introverts in particular really value this time alone whereas if I just said hey you guys can all go play outside together ⁓ It really doesn't give our introverted kids boundary of like, now this time is just for you. Like you can go to your bed and read. ⁓ can go outside on the swing and, read a book or something. It just kind of sets this boundary. So it almost protects the time for the introverted kids. Do you feel like you see that with some of those kids of ours? Yeah, because when kids are young, they don't really understand. the concepts so much of introverted versus extroverted, or you can talk to them, but I think it's as they age, they really begin to have the self-recognition around it. And so it's a gift to them that they don't even probably always fully recognize to have that time and space and have it kind of built into our day. And overall, it's important to give our kids a break, to let them rest. And the thing about a new rhythm, is that it takes time and we talk about this a lot. And rest is one of those rhythms that really becomes enjoyable when it becomes familiar. you have to ⁓ in the effort to make it familiar. Yeah, the consistency totally drives the rest when it comes to Sabbath, when it comes to any kind of rest moment. ⁓ think I've enjoyed it more the more it's a consistent part of our life. if you ⁓ are constantly living in stress state throughout the day, going from one thing to the next and not giving your body these windows of restorative time, ⁓ over time, ⁓ your is going compound that stress. It's going to be to the point where it's compounded that it leads to mental breakdown. And this is where we can even lead to burnout. So that's kind of the science behind some of that, but I would be curious for you, Christian, to share from just an adult standpoint, how does this impact you? Like you are working all day during the week. ⁓ don't get these quiet afternoons, ⁓ you do get them on the weekend. ⁓ The difference for me really comes in with my level of patience my ability to handle next stressful moment or interruption to what I'm trying to do. Like you try to address each kid or person in your family when they're kind of heightened emotions. You don't want to just like yell and heighten the emotion. ⁓ so yeah, stress throughout the day just adding up doesn't allow someone to deal with stress later in the day. It's kind of like when I think about last episode, when we talked about the can, the soda can. and you're shaking up, shaking up. Like usually a lot of people's mornings are really stressful. Tons of emails are coming through conversations at work or the kids are having meltdowns if you're home with the kids and you're trying to get through lunch, get to nap time. And then it's like, if you don't take a moment to just calm down, your cortisol levels can be super high. And then all of sudden the can explodes. So yeah, I think that we just want to show that there is real science to back up this type of rhythm, that it is so important for children and adults alike to have moments in your day that are restorative. And you may not take one to three o'clock every day or two hours every day to do this, but I think everyone has the opportunity to create windows of time in their day that are rhythmic. where they can slow down and bring their body back to a more regulated state. And so like as a working person, you you're working a normal, you 40 to 45 hours a week. What are some ways that you include, cause you can't get two hours in in the middle of the day to do this, but what are some ideas for the working person to have these afternoon restorative moments? There are definitely a few things you can do in pretty much every place I've been. You could go for a walk. You could for a lunch break, even just getting out of the space. The cubicle to create some separation and get yourself out of the environment. ⁓ think immediately lower stress levels. And you could that time wisely. You could read some scripture or could have a rhythm of reading a psalm every day. maybe listening to some worship music you enjoy listening to the rooted family podcast, to the rooted family podcast. It's a good one. And these are all some small examples. Maybe, you know, there's a gym where you work or a gym really close where you can get in and get out. And I that's what the power of the rhythm is. Like I think people hear rhythm and they're like, ⁓ that's a nice concept. And you and I are so for real about this that we're like, no, have so much, you can have so much over your life that if you want to have sunshine, vitamin D, ⁓ and a walk by the river every day from noon to 1230, you could literally choose that for yourself. Like if you can, yeah, we have the opportunity to say, you know what, this is just who I'm going to be and this is what I'm going to do. And we're going to let the discipline take over and just go do it. Because think of how much of our lives could be better if we just stuck with the desire of the rhythm we really wanted in the first place. It's so true. And so I want you all to hear this because what we're really saying is your body heals in stillness, in hustle. And you're going to have to choose ⁓ incorporate some stillness. If want this moment of healing ⁓ and don't want things to build up like shaking the soda can, the soda pop can and exploding some point. And for kids, this is really huge. NAPs support their brain development. It helps with their memory and their learning and all these things we've been talking about of improving emotional regulation. Cause we all know without that rest, you see the meltdowns happen, right? It always happens between four and six o'clock. Yeah, witching hour. If you have babies, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, and the fighting gets insane and the disrespect jumps. They just can't regulate their emotions at that part of the day. And we think that it's just kids being kids or like, ugh, like kids just, you know, breaking down, melting down, and now they need a ton of discipline. ⁓ But what if their meltdowns and their breakdowns were our fault in the first place? Because we didn't actually give them as parents the space to fully rest. Yeah. And so we're expecting our kids to go from pre-K the morning ⁓ through lunch. ⁓ But what if their meltdowns and their breakdowns were our fault in the first place? Because we didn't actually give them as parents the space to fully rest. Yeah. And so we're expecting our kids to go from pre-K in morning ⁓ through lunch. then they get a bunch of screen time in the afternoon or their go go go and then by dinner they're melting down and we're yelling at them because they're melting down ⁓ but really they're melting down because they're just so overstimulated they're tired so exhausted and I just think about how many kids would be more peaceful maybe even have better behavior ⁓ then they get a bunch of screen time in the afternoon or their go go go in the afternoon and then by dinner they're melting down and we're yelling at them because they're melting down ⁓ but really they're melting down because they're just overstimulated they're so tired so exhausted and I just think about how many more kids would be more peaceful maybe even have better behavior ⁓ not saying it's a it's a fix for because we definitely you know still have opportunities but I just think, you know, I think we could see maybe more peaceful kids, kids with less anxiety. think it's honestly shocking how many kids today have problems with anxiety. In a way it's shocking because it's so unusual. a child should not be living with anxiety, right? We should think kids are carefree and whimsical and fun and But yet it isn't shocking with how much screen time our kids get these days, the things they see on those screens, the way we put our kids in a million activities. It is no wonder that our kids are struggling with managing their emotions. And so, yeah, I think before we blame the kid for the meltdown, we almost need to take a look at ourselves and say, what could we have done to have helped our kid? ⁓ And so, I think before we blame kid for the meltdown, we almost need to take a look at ourselves and say, what could we have done to ⁓ have helped kid? have better emotional regulation or better nervous system regulation. And we can do that as parents by giving them rhythms like an afternoon rhythm. It's like a tool we get to give our kids that they can take with them forever. have better emotional regulation or better nervous system regulation. And we can do that as parents by giving them rhythms like an afternoon rhythm. It's like a tool we get to give our kids that they can take with them forever. They can keep the concept of this and implement in their adulthood, which will bless them forever. Absolutely will. ⁓ Rest now will prevent the chaos later. So let's talk about where where most parents go wrong. to be honest, we have learned the hard way. We have learned through these pitfalls that we're about to share with you. And that's why we're so passionate about sharing them is because- We want to fast track you. We absolutely do. Because we already know the struggles, like the thoughts you're having in your head about how you can't do this or this would be impossible. So here are the five areas parents go wrong with the afternoon rhythm of quiet time. first is inconsistency. Because trying it occasionally, instead of really building it into a rhythm of your home, doesn't communicate that this is something we take seriously and that it's something we're going to stick with. And kids ⁓ that. They won't buy in if they feel like we're just trying it they know how to push a boundary. And so if they push the boundary and then you just give up and choose not to stick with it, they immediately know that they can do that again later and it's going to become inconsistent and eventually it falls apart. And that's not what anybody wants. Yeah. The next one is giving in too early. when moms are talking about time, often hear ⁓ that their kid is like two or years old ⁓ and they just don't nap anymore. They want to nap anymore, ⁓ that they fight their naps. And so moms just say, well, they just don't nap anymore. And my mind just kind of goes bonkers when hear that because I can't imagine giving up on my kids nap time when they're two years old. Like kids need nap time at two years old. we just, ⁓ we spent a whole time talking about how kids need it for their brain development, ⁓ for emotional regulation. And so of ⁓ a or three year old is going to tell you they don't want to nap anymore. That is a ⁓ but that is ⁓ a sign for to just give up on your kids nap time. Nap resistance does not mean to quit on it. we almost need to get in the mindset of training our kids to nap. So babies nap so easily because that's just what babies do. Babies nap like 18 hours a day. And when you get into the toddler stage, they're resistant about literally everything. And so you have to think of ways to be able to train your child to nap. And although this episode is not about all the ways we train our kids to naps, few ways we do that is we will turn on white noise or some sort of peaceful music. Sometimes we even lay with them or sit in the room with them and I'll just read a good book while I'm sitting with them because I'm trying to show that child that we are not going to give up on this boundary because just because he or she is throwing a tantrum or he or she doesn't want to nap. I am the mom. I'm the one setting the rule, the boundary and it And oftentimes it does take like 30 to 45 minutes for the child to fall asleep, but in the end they nap like one and a half to two hours. And that is a blessing for everybody. And so it's almost like pushing through the resistance really is the key with this particular rhythm. Resistance doesn't mean it's not working. It often means you're right at the breakthrough. So just remember that when your three year old decides they don't want to nap anymore. Don't let that resistance keep you from this peaceful, restful rhythm. Yes. The third mistake is replacing rest with screens. So screens kind of feel like rest, even for us as adults at times, but really deep down it overstimulates. just, it feels easier, but it doesn't actually give our brains rest. And we need to lead the way with this. When we have free moments, we also... need to learn to not just sit there on our phones. But you can't require your kids to not have screens in the afternoon, but then you sit on your phone and do it as well, because it becomes confusing to them. But all know, like we've had those moments where you sit down to watch a show at night, you're kind of tired, but then you go to bed and your brain, like you think you should just be passing out, but your brain keeps churning. ⁓ I had this happen like, Two weeks ago, I listened to something right before bed and I had been exhausted. Like I couldn't keep my eyes open. I thought, great, I'm going to pass out right now. And then I laid into bed and I could not turn my brain off. And I just kept sitting there thinking the whole time. I can't turn my brain off. This is absolutely ridiculous. It just compounded for like another 15, 20 minutes. And it's true. Your brain just becomes stimulated and moves and moves and moves and it needs time to shut down. And screens do the same thing. Your brain does not actually rest. It's still churning. And it doesn't actually move into a restorative state with a screen in front of you. In fact, it can move you higher and higher toward a stress state depending on what you're choosing to consume at the time. And so it is really important to give our kids the skill of learning to do things without a screen. And of course, they will resist that. Yep. Yeah, I think that some parents might even give their kids a screen in the afternoon because it quiets them so that the mom or the dad can take a break. And oftentimes I find that in parenting, it's the hard thing, the hard choice that leads to the most fruit, like the best fruit. so I just want to encourage you as a parent, if you have young children at home. really resist that urge to put a screen in front of them in the afternoon, at least have definite ⁓ pockets of the day where you don't, just to soothe the kids and to get peace for yourself, because in the end, it's actually gonna do the opposite for your family. It's gonna create more tantrums, more meltdowns, ⁓ the very peace that you had hoped for, ⁓ it works against you. It doesn't lead to more peace. It just trains your kids that every time that you're relaxing, you're gonna be in front of a screen. Wow, I love what you said there about making the choice that will produce the most fruit. that is ⁓ in the moment. It is. It's hard to the big picture in the ⁓ Yeah, because it can be easy. Just throw a screen in front of them and now I can ⁓ on my phone or now I can just rest and do my own thing. ⁓ in the end, we're like setting our kids up for failure by doing that. And so it's important to keep the big picture in mind. love number four because ⁓ think this is something you've done really, well and worked really hard on over the years. So you share number four with us. Yeah. another pitfall of this particular quiet time is having no clear structure for the rhythm, almost like no plan. Like you might say to your kids, okay, go play quietly. But that isn't actually a plan. Go play quietly in our home just leads to chaos. And I know that probably better than everyone, because I probably say that way too often and then deal with the consequences of this. Yeah, it's like kids, unless they have some sort of, you know, supernatural gift of ideation and they can just come up with fun ideas. ⁓ Most kids do need a little direction, which is why we spent the first part of this episode giving you some ideas. so I think for one, you have to have boundaries around the time. So kids know when are we entering into our quiet time and when is it done? For us, it's one o'clock to three o'clock. And you must make ⁓ sort of rule around the volume in the home. So for us, it's silence. We actually expect this of our kids. that if we even give them an inch it becomes pure chaos. I mean, you have whispers that turn into a little louder voices that turn into straight up just like yelling across the house. And so now you have the baby awake, the toddler's awake, it's only 1.30 and everyone's awake and quiet time has just gone down the drain. So, you know, not speaking from experience or anything. So I do think it's important that we have clear boundaries around the start and the end time So for us we end at three o'clock with a snack and a treat ⁓ and usually give treats to the kids who did a good job job ⁓ and there might be like you know the people that are pro against you know rewarding certain behaviors but ⁓ I just find treats to fun and we treats So we're like, we like an afternoon treat, our kids like an afternoon treat, and no, we're not gonna give an afternoon treat to kids who disrupted our peaceful afternoon. I call it leverage. ⁓ Leverage, ⁓ yes. treat leverage. Just try it. You be surprised at ⁓ how well it works, especially with that three-year-old. three-year-old, she does real good. ⁓ and she knows she's going to get a special treat after nap time. It's transformative to watch her go from laying on the floor, throwing a temper tantrum to suddenly in her bed with her blanket covered and ready to go. And like by treat, we mean like, you know, a little Hershey kiss. Like this is not some like king size candy bar, you know, or maybe it's dessert because we're big fans of dessert. But it's something that like they know if they lost it, they would be really sad. Yeah, that's where the leverage comes from. They would be sad. So maybe it's not a treat for you. Maybe it could be screen time. Maybe it could be some sort of fun activity after nap time that you're going to take away. But you do have to have something that they care about that you can then say, if you are disrupting the peace of this home, you will not be able to have this thing. Absolutely agree with you. And What's the last pitfall that parents usually fall into? The fifth and final pitfall are just parents not modeling it. And you and I have both been guilty of this in the past of, as we mentioned before, being on our phones or really not taking the to be quiet, to ⁓ what it like. And the kids just will feel that disconnect. And if we don't learn to rest and show them what it looks like to be happy and enjoying that moment, they're not gonna fully understand or care themselves. can you tell us about a time, Kayla? Because I know it's happened to both of us, just ⁓ sharing this really out. ⁓ Yeah, I in the last episode, I shared how recently, My body was living in like a high stress and my aura ring that I wear, it's like a Fitbit, I wear 24 seven. It was revealing that I wasn't getting ⁓ much time throughout the day. ⁓ And it was like my stress was And I remember even just like year when Darla was in the NICU for ⁓ five months, I was so intentional about taking my afternoon walks, taking time to paint, to read a book. And so ⁓ even I was in such a high stress environment all the time, you my baby was hospitalized for 140 days. I felt peaceful and I felt emotionally regulated because I had these pockets of restorative time. ⁓ And so think when I ditch, those moments in the afternoon I noticed that the rest of my day is really, really hard. And so I felt myself slipping into the bad habit of like kids go to nap, older kids are calming down, but I'm still working like crazy. Like I'm cleaning the house like crazy or I'm... I'm not letting my brain even stop. Like I'm thinking about work all the time. And I know for myself that it is so beneficial for me to just take some of that quiet afternoon rhythm while the kids are quiet. It's like the concept of like when the baby is napping, you should be napping as a mom. I think I need to just take that more seriously. Like you as a parent, you don't have to use that quiet afternoon to be productive. all the time. Of course, it's great to throw in a lot of laundry, but I do think it's important that especially for the moms that are staying home with their kids and they are there while their kids are sleeping, take a nap while your kids are sleeping. That is so okay. You do not need to earn that. it will help you to be a better mom. It will help you to be a better wife. And your husband expects you to just work that whole afternoon, one it could be an expectation you think he has of you, or two I think that calls for a really honest conversation with your partner and to really talk about like, hey you know ⁓ I need for myself to be my best self to take 30 minutes or an hour and husbands for you listening, your wives they are going a million miles a second when they're home with their littles. Like they are jumping from one thing to the next thing, throwing dishes in the dishwasher, laundry in the laundry, handling one fight over here, 10 minutes later, another fight, know, wiping up, you know, messes everywhere. And she time to not be doing all the things all day long. And so if you expect that of your wife, I... really think you need a reality check to think to yourself, okay, is my wife cranky when I get home because is just cranky or maybe she's been going a million miles a second and hasn't taken a moment to herself? And how, as a husband, how can you encourage your wife to slow down in the afternoons? That would be such a blessing to your marriage. It would be a blessing to your children. And I can say firsthand, like, Christian, you are so amazing at how you encourage me to rest. mean, he always asks if I need to take a break and when you notice I'm stressed, like really asking like, what can you take off my plate? And I know that really does bless And so I just say all that, know, none of this is in our notes, actually. This is just something that just came to my mind is like, I can hear. ⁓ in my mind, women saying, I don't have capacity to rest or take time in the afternoon to calm down because either my husband expects me to work and do stuff all afternoon or two, I just have way too much to do. As a husband, like what would you say to all of that? What I hear you saying is need to give yourself permission to rest. And sometimes don't have the capacity as ⁓ who want to ⁓ and take care of our homes and our families. Sometimes you need your husband to come alongside and give you that permission because you're not able or not willing to give it to yourself. And so I agree that there's a lot of power in just that freedom ⁓ to other. And I think that's really great because you really can't build a peaceful home if you never enter peace yourself. You can't give to someone what you don't have. would you say to the husband who ⁓ I find this this mindset probably already is not a healthy mindset, but I'm sure there are husbands out there that believe if their wife is home all day while they're working that ⁓ should be also ⁓ you know, working all day long and that if she took an hour or two in the afternoon to rest that that would be like lazy. What would you say to those husbands? I would encourage that husband to really stop for a minute because if you were to ⁓ stay home and I have to with homeschooling chores and all those things, you really do experience so much being thrown at and it is really overwhelming. I helped out today so could leave. and go work at a coffee shop for a while. So I had homeschooling and Darlas therapy and I had to get a kid to a cello lesson and somehow figure out how to do that all before lunch and come up with a plan to make lunch. And it's incredibly stressful. It makes the rest of the day very difficult because I'm already spent by noon. So I would say, yeah, wives go through so much. and need to take a break because when we come home from work, things don't stop. There's still dinner to be made and there's evening activities or showers and homework, the things that still happen. And then we have to get them to bed. And, you know, it feels like you just worked a 15 hour day because you were done with work, but you still have more to do when you get home. And so, yeah, life doesn't stop. You can't just do all that and go to bed at 10 and get up at six the next day and expect to keep going and be a emotionally regulated person. Yeah, so I would say if as a husband, you don't see giving your wife permission to rest. Like if that feels hard for you, that would be a definite sign where conversation is really needed to be had because we we're not sharing this rhythm today to be idealistic and say ⁓ well this is only for the rare few of us that have husbands that support us to settle down or kids who can peacefully go to nap like we believe the quiet afternoon rhythm can be attainable for any home I do think that it is critical that the husband and wife support each other with this rhythm ⁓ that like you said, the husband gives the wife, not that she needs permission to rest, but sometimes she just needs the encouragement. And she needs to know that her husband supports her to take a break, that she's not expected to just go a million miles a minute all day long, that she's not sitting on the couch eating bonbons. like, you know, I think sometimes people get an image of stay at home moms of ⁓ this just must be so grand. You get to be in your jammies all day and just, you know. watch TV and as you just said like it's really not like that it is so there's so many interruptions distractions ⁓ ⁓ and all the things that I think as a husband and wife team we just have to both be supportive of each other's rest restorative moments and so how we win at this I think that's where we come to our conclusion here of How do we actually make this happen for our families to have a quiet afternoon rhythm? if you want to build this into your home, here are a few places to start. One, we would encourage you just to decide right now or decide with your spouse that this is going to be a non-negotiable rhythm. Meaning this is just what we do for our family every single day. Because once you commit to it, then you can actually figure out how to make it happen. But first you need to commit. Yeah, and you need to communicate to your family that it's a non-negotiable. I love what you said there, that this is just what we do. ⁓ strong of a statement really doesn't create room for boundaries to get pushed, and it doesn't create room for children who don't run the home. That's right. They think they do, but they do not. is a good, healthy reminder that they don't. Yeah. This is what we do and this is who we are and what we're going to be about. That's good. And I say that because number two is that expect the pushback. That's just part of the process. It's not a sign to quit. Kids will push back on everything. Adults, I cannot tell you as adults in the workplace. ⁓ how much they still push back. It's just a part of the process. Nobody likes change. it was funny, I was listening to a Jaco leadership podcast the other day and they were talking about change and they were saying the only people who like change are the ones who come up with the idea for the change. It's just a part of the process. It's not a sign to quit. Yeah. I would say three on how to win with this rhythm is to support your kids through it. ⁓ So ⁓ like we said earlier, give them activities that they look forward to, whether it's new or to library and getting books, ⁓ sitting with them, scratching their backs, giving them music. Think of ways that you can make it fun, make it interesting, make it relaxing and enjoyable. Create special quiet time only activities. Think of some new hobbies you could introduce to your kids, whether it's ⁓ letting your kids bake, calligraphy, knitting, embroidery, whittling. There are so many things like these that we've introduced to our kids and you will be surprised at how much your kids can actually do. then the last one is stay consistent. ⁓ is so important that if you choose to have this rhythm or any rhythm that you don't just start one day going strong with it, maybe for a couple of days ⁓ then give it up and then a month later try to do it again. Like that's going to take you nowhere. Absolutely. Consistency, not perfection is what creates Peace. Oh, that's so good. consistency, not perfection is what creates peace. Yes, because it's not going to be perfect. Yeah. But sticking with it and doing it over and over and over again is what trains our kids to be present to their nervous system and to give them this gift of slowing down. Yes. So if your home feels loud, rushed or overwhelming. this might be the rhythm you've been missing. And you don't need more time. You just need better rhythms. here's what we want you to do. For this week, we want you to pick a time that you want to hold a quiet time in your home. And you're going to set the expectation with your kids. So talk about it with your spouse, set the expectations of what that quiet time looks like. It doesn't have to be two hours. It could be ⁓ 45 minutes starting out. ⁓ then you're going to hold that boundary. So pick a time, set the expectation, and then hold the boundary. And don't quit when it gets hard, because we know that it does. it does. And the peace you want in your home isn't found in doing more. It's built in the moments you choose to down. Thanks so much for joining us with this episode of The Rooted Family Podcast. We can't wait to have you back again soon. See you next time.