Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 188. Empty Nest Blessed: Finding Faith & Joy in the Empty Nest with Author Suzy Mighell

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188. Empty Nest Blessed: Finding Faith & Joy in the Empty Nest with Author Suzy Mighell · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Christian parenting.
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Hinkelman and you're listening to the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 0:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: The show for Christian moms who want to let go with grace and actually enjoy their empty nest.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a certified empty nest coach, speaker, and mom of five grown kids.
• 0:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know the challenges this season brings from letting go to setting healthy boundaries, to rediscovering your purpose
• 0:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Each week I'll be your guide, offering heartfelt conversations, faith-filled encouragement and practical strategies to help you thrive in this next chapter.
• 0:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: My husband and I are loving the emptiness years and I have strong growing relationships with my adult kids and I want the same for you.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't miss the end of each episode.
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll share a quick coaching tip you can apply right away to improve your relationship with your kids or your spouse.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: One favor before we dive in.
• 1:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you find this episode helpful, would you leave a rating and review?
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: It helps other moms discover the show.
• 1:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's a link in the show notes with instructions.
• 1:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Make sure you're following the podcast so you don't miss a single episode.
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, let's get started.
• 1:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey mama, welcome back to the Midlife Mama podcast, The Place for Faith, Friendship and Real Talk for Empty Nest Bombs.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Today I'm thrilled to welcome my dear friend Susie Mile, the creator of Empty Nest Bless.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: The number one Google brand in the Empty Nest, and now the author of a brand new journal by the same name.
• 1:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you know Susie, you know she has such a heart of encouraging moms in the season of life with practical wisdom, and God's truth.
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: And in her book, she comes along side us with encouragement, reminding us that the emptiness doesn't have to be empty.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: It can be full of God's presence, joy, and fresh purpose.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to talk about what inspired her to write, how God is metter in this season and how you can find comfort and direction in your own journey.
• 2:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: So grab your coffee, settle in, and let's dive into this life-giving conversation.
• 2:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome, Susie.
• 2:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, my friend Pamela.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I cherish any opportunity to talk with you, and that's what we're going to have is a great conversation about something we both adore, which is empty nesters, and they are so precious to us, and we're grateful for them.
• 2:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm grateful for your ministry, and I'm so thankful to be here.
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'm so happy to have you.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know Susie, we have three things in common.
• 2:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: We are both married to bobs.
• 2:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: We speak in love with the emptiness.
• 2:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we have a passion for the color pink.
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, for sure.
• 2:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you and your pink glasses and your pink headphones are given me life.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm in yellow today, but I love your pink.
• 2:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 2:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we did find out that our birthdays are exactly one month apart to the day.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we both turned 60 this year.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: afraid.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're not afraid of YD for sure.
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: We can do a whole other episode on that.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's.
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I look, I was thinking when you were introduced in the podcast, I was like, that's our, that's our relationship, faith, be a friendship and real talk.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's it.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, and I will forever be grateful for the real talk you speak to me.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: So forever, great.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: All right, well, Susie, I want to know what inspired you to write emptiness plus.
• 3:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And was there a personal moment in your own emptiness journey?
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: That sparked the idea.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I started blogging at mtdsbless.com 10 years ago when blogging was just in its infancy.
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I felt the Lord really calling me to speak encouragement into the lives of empty nesters.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Everything out there seemed very, very hopeless.
• 3:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And although I was right there experiencing the grief
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I felt that this was not necessarily the response, really the Lord wanted from us long term as we looked at the empty nest.
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, it was tried to be very methodical about it.
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought, you know, I've got about a third of my life left.
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: How does God want to use that time?
• 4:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: How does He want to use me?
• 4:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: How does He want to use all of us empty nest or momas?
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: your life isn't over when you become an empty nest or it's just the beginning.
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that was what inspired me to start empty nest blessed.com.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I just started blogging and that has come on for 10 years.
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I felt this poll to write a book early on.
• 4:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I just felt like it was just this is going to be too hard, too much work.
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, no, I just really kept telling the Lord, no, no, no.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Finally, just circumstance is aligned, and I could not say no anymore.
• 4:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I said yes, and I'm so grateful.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I wrote this book.
• 4:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's full of daily encouragement.
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's full of biblical wisdom, practical, actionable tips, and things that you can do to really find joy in the empty nest.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: So tell me a little bit about this book.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: What makes it different from every other book?
• 5:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's out there about emptiness.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's a great question.
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I wrote in journal style.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I find, and I'm wonder if you find in your coaching business, that often empty nesters can be very overwhelmed in new ones.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then if you've been an empty nester for a long time, goodbye, Bob.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was a long time.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I forgot something.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Good, sorry.
• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, when you've got me, you've been in NEMT yesterday for a long time, I hear over and over from my peers, say, I hadn't weighed easier than I ever thought.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think I was equating NEMT with like some kind of retirement or whatever.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am really engaged in busy and so I feel like none of us has like lots of extra time.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: There are some great chapter books out there on the empty nest and I wanted to do it in more of a journal form so it's not exactly a devotional, it's sort of like a hybrid between a devotional, a chapter book and a journal, it will not be defined.
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: So every section, there are six sections in the book.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: It starts with who are you?
• 6:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who are you now that you're not primarily identified with your roles among?
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who does God say that you are?
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then it goes into sort of a take, that's where it all has to start.
• 6:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's the foundation.
• 6:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then we take a step back and really something that would appeal to say a high school junior senior mama.
• 6:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you prepare for the emptiness?
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: What can you do to prepare?
• 6:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that transition is easier for you.
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then, the next section moves into how to adjust when the nest empties, the initial days of grief, just the shock of it being so different.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then, what's life in the empty nest lack?
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you have time to focus on your marriage.
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: your relationships.
• 6:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you go from cooking for two to, I mean, cooking for five to cook you for two and send some recipes in there.
• 7:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then beyond that, how do you find your purpose in the emptiness?
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Want to just cut ahead and have for you in the next phase of your life?
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then, finally, the biggest chapter, which is on parenting adult kids, and that is a huge focus, and is a big adjustment that has to be done very intentionally.
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, within all of those sections, there are 60 smaller sections.
• 7:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: They start out with a quote.
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a narrative of about 450 words, and then there's a section at the end that's called live it out with a prompt.
• 7:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: where you journal, or you complete a little assignment, or something like that, short, sweet.
• 7:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it can be done in room bite size pieces, which is a nice thing about it.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Love that.
• 7:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I want to know, in your own emptiness journey, which part was the most difficult?
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think ongoing-wise, parody.cids is ongoing, always a challenge.
• 8:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because that's the thing.
• 8:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think people forget as the empty nest is not a journey.
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not like, Hi, I'm going to Chicago on my vacation.
• 8:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I've arrived in Chicago.
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not a destination.
• 8:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's ever changing.
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it would be more like you're on a cruise than, you know, going to a destination and so your kids are changing, they're growing.
• 8:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: You welcome someone new in the nest as someone gets married.
• 8:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then you have grandchildren and you have whole new dynamic that are popping up.
• 8:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's different with different kids as each individual is different and birth order.
• 8:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: All those things that God has called them to their sweet personalities, everything.
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: everyone is an individual.
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so you dealing with parenting each of them.
• 8:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: They only different things.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: When they're not married, they need a little more of you.
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: When they are married, they need to really love on that spouse and be very positive.
• 8:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's just different.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I think parenting adult kids and the reason I wanted this book to work for empty nesters of any age and stage.
• 9:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I want it to be for even if you're just preparing for the empty nest all the way up through people that have been empty nesters for a long time for me.
• 9:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's been 10 years.
• 9:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: How long has it been for you?
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's only been six.
• 9:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god.
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's been.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's been 10 per me, but I had an early reader of the book.
• 9:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I sent the book out to some people that know me well to read it.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I had a 90-year-old reader who's this sweet lady.
• 9:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she said, wow, I really learned a lot from that parent into her kids thing.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hi, I made some mistakes.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: I see some things I need to be doing better.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm working on all of these.
• 9:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's 90.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's like, I'm working on this.
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need to do better at these things.
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: So my hope and prayer is that it is a book for empty nesters at any age and stage.
• 9:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you were thinking, I'm going to skip some of that.
• 9:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, in the middle, you still need that adult parenting session.
• 10:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that you said that emptiness isn't a destination.
• 10:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's because not only are our children changing, but so are we.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: We are not the same women we were 10 years ago.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're just not.
• 10:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And yeah, that is such a great point.
• 10:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you're absolutely right.
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we are changing.
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not the person that I was even when I was
• 10:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I cannot believe I did that.
• 10:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not as hard on that for the call of remaining apology.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just thought it was weird.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think that is one of the most powerful things we can do for our adult kids is to actually own our stuff and go, so slippery.
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Forgive me for telling you what to do.
• 10:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: You are fully grown.
• 10:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have just said to my mother, who's 80, was telling me how to wash some fruit.
• 10:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I said, Mom, I'm 60 years old.
• 10:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Please don't tell me to watch the first that's hilarious, but that does that does happen and you can, you know, it's you have to be that's why that part of the book is so important because it takes attention out, it takes a tremendous amount of self control and prayer and I think so much of learning to parent adult kids well.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: comes from really setting your mind on Christ and knowing that He loves them even more than you do, even more than you can imagine.
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it really does stem from a trust in Him and trusting your children to Him.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then you can go hands off.
• 11:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can close your mouth.
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can
• 11:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just understand that your role has changed.
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not a vice-giver.
• 11:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not all those things that we were so concerned about training these children and godly character and godliness and knowing Christ in all of these things.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your role has changed.
• 11:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your counselor went and bite it.
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: When and why?
• 11:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And encourage your joy giver.
• 11:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are a joy booster.
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are there to edify and encourage your dog kids, and it does not matter how old they are.
• 12:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: It does not matter if they're married.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter if their parents of zero children or five children, they need encouragement.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: My parents were elderly, older than yours.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I still crave their encouragement.
• 12:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted them to like my book.
• 12:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, what's dealing like it, you know, and that never stops it never stops.
• 12:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I love that.
• 12:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hello October, where are my early Christmas gifts shoppers?
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Finding the perfect gift for the people you love most should feel joyful, not stressful.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: But between busy scandals and crowded stores, it's easy to lose the joy of giving.
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's why Christian parenting created a 2025 Christmas gift guide, a one-stop collection of thoughtful, faithful gifts for every agent stage.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Inside, you'll find meaningful ideas for kids, parents, grandparents, and friends.
• 13:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: All designed to point hearts back to the true reason for the season.
• 13:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Plus, we've included some of our very favorite Advent resources from family activities to devotionals just for grandkids, so you can keep Jesus at the center of Christmas.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Best of all, it's completely free.
• 13:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Check out the guide today at christuneparenting.org forward slash Christmas and make this Christmas your most meaningful and less stressful yet.
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 13:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was a, in your book, you weave together scripture and encouragement.
• 13:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: How has God met you personally in this transition?
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And how do you hope readers will meet him through these pages?
• 13:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
• 13:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, to me, the Lord is the foundation of everything I do.
• 13:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Everything I think, everything I say, hopefully he's in control of all of it.
• 13:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And for me, it really does start with that mindset.
• 13:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: the verse that's meant so much, maybe there are so many verses that he's used to speak to me as an empty Naster, but the verse that I think has meant so much to me is Isaiah 263.
• 14:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: He will keep you in perfect peace whose mind is set on you.
• 14:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so my job, I think we take on more than we should.
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: our job and relation, the Lord has got it all.
• 14:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's the son in the sky.
• 14:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's keeping the heart beating.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's he's ordaining steps.
• 14:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Our job is to walk in the way that he's laid out before us.
• 14:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: So our really our job is very narrow.
• 14:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: How easy is it to walk in that way?
• 14:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: How easy is it just?
• 14:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Our job is set your mind.
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what I find so often is my mind goes,
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And, and then I just go grab that and my job is one job that my mind.
• 14:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think that's the way he spoke to me personally is to remind me again and again, how not easy, but simple, our life is as believers, it's simple and get rid of all the noise and what is it boiled down to and so often
• 15:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: even the issues in the empty nest that you and I see as we talk to Mama's of it's a strange meant from adult children or adult children leaving the faith or trying to figure out what your purpose is as a woman in the empty nest apart from mothering all of those things.
• 15:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: they stem from that foundation of knowing who you are in Christ.
• 15:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: One thing I did in the book was I have four different sections of 50 things.
• 15:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the first one is we talk about who are you aside from being a mother and then we go to
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: 50 things God says about you.
• 15:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're straight from his word.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: He says you're locked.
• 15:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: He says you're danced over and hungover with joy.
• 16:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: All the thing, who what does God say about who you are?
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then the second section is in that pair of dings, not the parenting section.
• 16:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: the perception on life and empty nest.
• 16:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's 50 fun, date, night ideas for empty nesters.
• 16:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You think you're together all the time in the empty nest, but still you need fun things to do together and keep everything fresh.
• 16:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're great to do with friends too if you're not married.
• 16:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that and then
• 16:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: The last section parent you don't kids I have two specialists at 50 one is 50 traits you can encourage in your dark kids if encouragement doesn't come naturally to you if you think I don't want to say this will sound weird.
• 16:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's actually words in terms you can say to them to encourage them.
• 16:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And finally, 50 conversation starters with adult kids.
• 16:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you know where to begin?
• 16:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you say?
• 16:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you get into a conversation that builds that in a messy and those strong relationships?
• 16:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: So those lists of 50, I hope are very, very practical for people in a blessing.
• 17:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that.
• 17:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that.
• 17:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Getting back to this idea of it all boils back to our relationship with God.
• 17:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And surprisingly,
• 17:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is a huge time of faith growing, faith stretching for moms.
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Simply because we need to be hands-off, we need to surrender and say, God, they are yours.
• 17:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: These are your kids.
• 17:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And they stand before you for their choices now.
• 17:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like we did our part.
• 17:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's okay to remind yourself, I did my part.
• 17:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 17:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now I have to let go because the mom who holds on is going to be quite miserable.
• 17:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's going to be disappointed.
• 17:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's not going to have, she's going to have unrealistic expectations that make her bad, right?
• 17:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sure.
• 17:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Especially surrounding the holidays, hello, I feel like that is a hot button.
• 17:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's a huge one.
• 17:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 17:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a huge one.
• 18:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And and I think to setting that heart and that mind on Christ lets you see the holidays for what they are, which is, let's be real.
• 18:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is a real talk.
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: He says to another day of the year.
• 18:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not actually what was Jesus born on that exact day.
• 18:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: We do not know.
• 18:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not like you're birthday or mine.
• 18:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, where it's like done.
• 18:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so it is just another day of the year.
• 18:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so really to understand, they still love me.
• 18:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I see that a lot with friends with expectations of mothers.
• 18:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's all right, gosh.
• 18:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 18:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if they're disappointed because, you know, they last year, our president, this year, they got a car or they didn't, you know, and they were remembering those years when the kid was five and drawing, he's bigger.
• 18:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love you.
• 18:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, but that's not the way it is anymore.
• 18:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like any other season of life, Pamela, the Lord gives us seasons and into each season he speaks and works in our lives.
• 18:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And
• 18:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: The empty nest season comes with its own joys and challenges.
• 19:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 19:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think what you're doing and hopefully what I'm doing through empty nest blasts and through this book is really helping women rediscover their purpose for this time.
• 19:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Find that fresh purpose, rediscover who they are now that the kids are gone, learn to navigate adult relationships with their adult children.
• 19:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think finding
• 19:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: in whatever season God has that man, dealing with disappointment, a lot of what I see as mama's who are have expectations, expectations are thieves of joy.
• 19:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: They will drop your joy and are scary.
• 19:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is one big thing that I see empty nester moms struggling with.
• 19:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I know you do too.
• 19:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely.
• 19:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm okay.
• 19:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want to end this with let's talk about the joy of the the nest.
• 19:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my gosh.
• 19:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about the benefits of the joys.
• 20:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Give us a few.
• 20:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think first of all, the greatest thing is that when you put something where you put it, it stays there until you move it.
• 20:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It may be a bad, it stays made until you get it.
• 20:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the freedom, not just the freedom, but the biggest thing for me.
• 20:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to know if you agree.
• 20:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: The biggest thing for me and emptiness that shocked me.
• 20:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, I got all that.
• 20:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, the house is going to stay clean.
• 20:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: We'll be coming up after everybody can get it.
• 20:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the biggest thing that shocked me was realizing that in the silence, I could hear myself think.
• 20:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're the Lord in the quiet.
• 20:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, when we're talking, we're not listening.
• 20:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 20:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so we have to be quiet.
• 20:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Listen.
• 20:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: And people like you and I who are big talker and have a lot to say.
• 20:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have to quiet ourselves to hear from God.
• 20:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have to quiet ourselves to hear wisdom, to be convicted of sin, for him to speak to us, just to even think well.
• 21:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think thinking better about everything, communicating with him, better speaking to him.
• 21:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: The quietness of the emptiness, I think, is the greatest joy.
• 21:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Beyond the obvious of, you know, at three in the afternoon, I can go take a bubble bath if I want to be fine.
• 21:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And or I can go the movies, you know, midnight, if I'm all whatever, I'm fast asleep in midnight.
• 21:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: But whatever, there's that wonderful freedom.
• 21:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And, but to me, it is the quiet.
• 21:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's the quiet.
• 21:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 21:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: For me, it's getting the chance to do what you've always wanted to do.
• 21:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 21:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're so busy serving my family of seven.
• 21:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: for so many years that I'd put my things aside.
• 21:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I put them on hold.
• 21:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now it's like, what how?
• 21:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know.
• 21:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Isn't it wonderful?
• 21:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know I tell new empty nesters.
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: They need to do three things.
• 21:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll be fast.
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number one, they need to
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Take care of what they put aside as they were really paying attention to that sacred calling of being all in raising those kids, whether it's their health and wellness, relationships that need attention, they don't have to dress anymore, they don't understand what's going on with their skin, menopause, whatever it is, take care of the things you need to take care of.
• 22:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then secondly take care of what you want to take care of.
• 22:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Does the house need to make over?
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you need to call the painters and the, you know, repair the damage of the kids, you know, what do you, what do you want to do though?
• 22:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to go back to school?
• 22:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to pursue a career?
• 22:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to go?
• 22:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: into a new avenue like you did like I did, and then thirdly playing to get away, sometime within the first two months of the empty nest, think of some place fun to go, get away, pull back, and really go with your spouse, think or girlfriend, dream, and think about what you want this next phase of life to be.
• 22:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
• 22:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love to ask my clients.
• 22:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: What do you want more of?
• 22:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's a great question.
• 22:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sit with that empty nester and think about it.
• 23:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Journal about it.
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: See what the Lord reveals.
• 23:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: You may not even realize what you've tucked aside all these years.
• 23:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'd love that question.
• 23:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you want more of?
• 23:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to write that down.
• 23:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Still that.
• 23:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to steal it.
• 23:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do it.
• 23:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: You steal that.
• 23:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: I steal as much as I can for you.
• 23:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 23:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I want to know what encouragement would you offer to the mom listening today who feels like she's drowning in this transition missing her kids questioning her identity or struggling to find her footing let's leave a parting message for her yes I would say just a number one know that what you're going through is normal it is a form of grief grief so accepted as a form of grief.
• 23:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then what we all know to be true about grief, embrace that.
• 23:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that is grief looks different for everyone.
• 23:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is why when parents lose a child, the divorce rates very high, because the two parents grief differently.
• 23:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's just a fact that social just bears out, sociologically.
• 24:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: So grief looks different from everyone.
• 24:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I think people get thrown off because their friend Janus over there's like,
• 24:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and, and they're balled up crying in the fetal position and their child's rim on the bed, and it looks different for everyone, his hook, it is a form of grief, what you're feeling is normal lean into those feelings.
• 24:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: and then find a support system.
• 24:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And people always say, like, how normal is it just still be like, I'm still off my game.
• 24:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I still don't have my footing.
• 24:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's this many months in.
• 24:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is that normal?
• 24:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I would think, I don't know what you say.
• 24:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to hear what you tell people, but what I tell Mama is if it's been two months and
• 24:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: you aren't on an upward trajectory in terms of really seeing the joys and getting kind of excited about the possibilities of this season and embracing what you want more of if you aren't trajectorying up that's not a word but if you are moving upwards in terms of your feelings it's time to really get help.
• 25:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, from someone like you, Pamela, but you know, I've sent plenty of people your way.
• 25:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 25:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, our pastor, a trusted friend, your spouse, counselor, just, you've got to getting help to get back on track before you get too far on.
• 25:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you, if you keep thinking it's going to get better,
• 25:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: you could be really far gone by the time you'd be at help and in trouble.
• 25:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: So two months is kind of, we'll say, what do you say?
• 25:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think I think it's hard to give a time if yeah, it is hard.
• 25:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're so different.
• 25:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: But if it's debilitating to you and you can't come out of it, yes.
• 25:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: But
• 25:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, the first year is like really up and down.
• 25:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I remember even I would say four years into the emptiness because our children were so far away from us when they would all come home.
• 25:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was only a couple times a year.
• 26:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so when they would leave, we, why has been an accurate every time?
• 26:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Every time, same.
• 26:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Even though we knew this was good, this was God's plan.
• 26:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it, it pops up, but it's okay.
• 26:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're we a basket case, not at all.
• 26:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: But we're humans who love our human.
• 26:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And really, that is a characteristic of grief, is that it flows?
• 26:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, absolutely.
• 26:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 26:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're absolutely right.
• 26:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're absolutely right.
• 26:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I think to look at that trajectory.
• 26:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you're recovering if you've ever been injured or had serious surgery.
• 26:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't say, how do I feel today compared to yesterday?
• 26:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Change is so incremental.
• 26:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Say, I want to feel compared to a week ago, about two weeks ago.
• 26:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 26:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that gives you the hope.
• 26:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 26:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am getting better, but I am getting better.
• 26:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 26:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 26:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: So let's normalize it.
• 26:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's normalize the transitional grief.
• 26:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just part of the story and we're all going to go through it as we don't not learn our kids in the basement when they're 35 we do That's a whole metal conversation
• 26:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: public hours.
• 26:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not hungry.
• 27:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey.
• 27:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yes.
• 27:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, well, excuse me, I just want to thank you for being here today.
• 27:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Could you please tell our listeners where we can find you online?
• 27:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
• 27:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am embarrassingly easy to find at empty nest blessed.
• 27:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mtnesblast.com is my website.
• 27:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's my home.
• 27:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Come visit me at my
• 27:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
• 27:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Also, like to know at M.D.
• 27:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nestblast.
• 27:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Wonderful.
• 27:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: So yes, and to order my book, you just go to M.D.
• 27:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Nestblast.com backslash and book.
• 27:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's available on Amazon and you can also buy it from my website.
• 27:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: sounds wonderful.
• 27:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Friends go buy the book.
• 27:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to love it.
• 27:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, wasn't that such a rich and encouraging conversation with Susie?
• 27:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love how she points us back to God's word as the steady anchor in the middle of change.
• 28:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: The emptiness can feel overwhelming at times, but Susie reminds us that it's also a season filled with possibility, joy in God's faithfulness.
• 28:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Here's your coaching tip for the week.
• 28:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: In each episode, I'll give you one actionable step to improve your life.
• 28:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Remember, you can change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 28:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want you to take a little time today and pause as your thoughts turn to God.
• 28:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Ask him what he wants you to know about this season.
• 28:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Listen for his voice and write down what he says.
• 28:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And let it be in an anchor for your soul.
• 28:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Be sure to check out Susie's new book, Emptiness Bless.
• 28:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a beautiful companion for your heart as you walk through this transition.
• 28:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can pre-order it now and I'll link it in the show notes so you can grab your copy.
• 28:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And Mama, remember this.
• 28:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're a not alone in the Emptiness Journey.
• 28:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: God is with you every step of the way and you're part of a community of moms who are walking it right alongside you.
• 29:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Until next time, peace and grace.
• 29:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: You've got this and God's got you.
• 29:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 29:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hope you leave each episode feeling a little more encouraged, equipped, and seen, because that's what this space is all about.
• 29:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Through the stories, insights, and conversations we share here, I'm coaching you through the ups and downs of the empty nest.
• 29:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Helping you rediscover purpose, deepen faith, and enjoy this new season of life.
• 29:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're ready for an even more personalized support, I'd love to invite you to book a free connection call.
• 29:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: The link is in the show notes and we'll talk about how I can walk along side you as your coach.
• 29:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And let's stay connected.
• 29:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Follow me on Instagram at P-Hankelman.
• 29:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's P-H-E-N-K-E-L-M-A-N, or come find me on Facebook at Pamela Hankelman, M-D-Nest Coach.
• 29:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to figure this all out on your own mama.
• 29:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm here for you when you're ready.