Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Manage a Direct Report Who Wants Their Job
Transcript
- Lucas: So, Luna, I want to talk about the moment you realize one of your direct reports is gunning for your seat. Not in a malicious way, necessarily, but they've made it clear they want your job. Luna: That's a specific and slightly terrifying scenario. I've heard it described as the 'ambitious report' problem. Do you have a real example in mind? Lucas: I do. There's a story from a few years back at a mid-sized tech company I covered. A new manager, let's call her Priya, was promoted to lead a team of five. One of her reports, Marcus, had been with the company longer and had actually been a candidate for the same role. So from day one, there's this unspoken tension. Marcus was helpful, but he'd also subtly undermine Priya in meetings, offer 'alternative' ideas that contradicted hers, and once, he went over her head to the VP with a proposal that was basically Priya's project with his name on it. Luna: Yikes. That's a classic 'managing former peers' situation, but with an added layer of ambition. We did an episode on managing former peers, but this feels different. This is about ambition, not just history. Lucas: Exactly. And it's a really common scenario that doesn't get talked about enough. A lot of advice focuses on the 'threat' aspect, but there's a more productive way to look at it. Marcus wasn't just a problem; he was also potentially the most engaged person on the team if channeled correctly. Luna: That's a generous framing. So how did Priya handle it? Did she confront him directly? Lucas: At first, she didn't. She did what many of us do: she avoided it. She focused on the work, hoping the tension would fade. But it didn't. It got worse. The team started to notice the friction, and productivity dipped. So she had to change her approach. Luna: What did she do differently? Lucas: She scheduled a one-on-one with Marcus and, without being accusatory, said something like, 'I've noticed you have a lot of ideas and you're clearly ambitious. I want to understand your career goals better.' That open-ended question led to an honest conversation where Marcus admitted he felt he was more qualified for the manager role and thought he could do it better. Luna: That takes guts. To sit there and hear that someone thinks they're better than you at your job. But I bet it was a relief to get it on the table. Lucas: It was, actually. Once it was out in the open, Priya could address it head-on. She didn't get defensive. She acknowledged his ambition and then asked a key question: 'What would you need to see in the next 12 to 18 months to feel like you're making progress toward that goal?' Luna: So she turned it into a development conversation instead of a power struggle. Smart. Lucas: Right. And that's the first step in what I think is a really effective framework: acknowledge the ambition, don't fight it. The worst thing you can do is try to suppress a direct report's ambition. It will come out sideways, like it did with Marcus going over her head. Luna: So you're saying you should actively encourage it? Even if it's aimed at your job? Lucas: Yes, but with guardrails. You can't promise them your job, because that's not your call. But you can help them build the skills and visibility they need to be a candidate when a role opens up. That's a win-win. If they get promoted, you've helped develop a leader, and you look good. If they don't, they're still more engaged and valuable on your team. Luna: That's a great point. But what if the ambition is more toxic, like they're actively sabotaging your projects or spreading negativity? At what point do you draw a line? Lucas: That's the second step: set clear boundaries around behavior. Ambition is fine; undermining is not. You need to be explicit about what's acceptable. For Priya, that meant having a conversation about collaboration and respect, and making it clear that going over her head without discussing it first was not okay. She also started involving Marcus in high-level discussions, giving him a taste of what leadership involves, which actually reduced his need to go around her. Luna: So you're giving them more exposure, not less. That feels counterintuitive, but I can see how it works. If they feel included, they're less likely to act out. Lucas: Exactly. And the third step is to create a development plan that's real. Not just 'you're doing great.' Sit down and map out what skills they need to get to the next level, whether that's managing people, strategic thinking, or something else. And then help them get those opportunities, even if it's within your team. For example, you could let them lead a small project or mentor a new hire. Luna: That's really actionable. And I love that it's not just about managing a threat, it's about actually developing talent. It's a leadership basic, but under pressure, it's easy to forget. Lucas: Right. And remember, the goal isn't to keep them in your shadow forever. That's a recipe for them leaving or becoming bitter. The goal is to help them become so good that they're ready for the next opportunity, and when they leave, you have a reputation as a manager who develops people. Luna: That's a great long-term view. But let's talk about the immediate challenges. How do you handle the day-to-day dynamics, like when they challenge your decisions in front of the team? Lucas: That's a great question. My advice is to address it privately first. Something like, 'I noticed you had some strong opinions in the meeting. I appreciate your input, but in the future, let's discuss it in our one-on-one first.' That maintains their dignity and doesn't create a public showdown. And it sets a clear norm for how disagreements are handled. Luna: What about if they have a genuinely better idea? You don't want to dismiss it just because it's coming from someone who's ambitious. Lucas: No, you have to evaluate the idea on its merits. And actually, if it's good, you should champion it. Give them credit. That builds trust and shows that you're not threatened by good ideas. It also takes away their motivation to go around you if they know you'll listen. Luna: That's a subtle but important point. It's about separating the ambition from the substance. Lucas: Exactly. And that's a skill that will serve you well beyond this specific situation. It's about managing talent, not just managing tasks. Luna: So, what would you say to a new manager who's in that situation right now and feeling overwhelmed? What's the first thing they should do? Lucas: The first thing is to take a breath and understand that this is actually a positive signal. You have someone on your team who cares deeply about the work and wants to grow. That's much better than someone who's checked out. So, reframe it as an opportunity, not a threat. Then, schedule that one-on-one conversation. Don't wait. Luna: That's the hardest part, I think. Just having the courage to start that conversation. But it's like ripping off a band-aid. Lucas: Totally. And once you've had it, you'll feel a huge sense of relief, because you'll have a clear picture of what's going on, and you can start working together instead of against each other. Luna: I love that. It's so much more productive than the alternative of just hoping it goes away. Lucas: And you know, this is exactly the kind of thing we're trying to do here. We're not running ads on this show because we think this advice should be freely available to anyone who needs it. If you find these conversations useful and want to support that mission, you can do that at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small way to keep this going. Luna: Yeah, and we really appreciate the listeners who do that. It helps us keep the lights on, so to speak. Lucas: Alright, back to the framework. We've talked about acknowledging ambition, setting boundaries, and creating a development plan. Let's talk about what happens if, despite all that, the behavior doesn't improve. What if the direct report continues to be toxic? Luna: Good follow-up. Because there are cases where the ambition is really just a cover for a personality clash, or they're just not a good fit for the team. Lucas: Right. And in that case, you have to escalate. You document the behavior, you follow your company's HR processes, and you have more serious conversations about consequences. But that's a last resort. I'd say 80 percent of the time, the first three steps work. Luna: That's reassuring. So for most new managers, this is a manageable challenge, not a career-ending crisis. Lucas: Exactly. And it's actually an opportunity to grow as a leader. You're learning how to handle one of the most complex dynamics in management: ambition. And that's a skill that will serve you your whole career. Luna: So, to sum up, acknowledge the ambition, set clear boundaries, and create a development plan. And if that doesn't work, escalate with documentation. Lucas: Perfect summary. And remember, the goal isn't to keep them in your shadow forever. It's to help them become the best version of themselves, even if that means they eventually leave your team for bigger things. That's a sign of a great manager, not a failure. Luna: I think that's a great note to end on. Thanks for diving into this, Lucas. Lucas: Anytime, Luna. And to our listeners, if you're facing this, you're not alone. It's a common challenge, and with the right approach, you can turn it into a win for everyone. Until next time.