Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 71: How To Be Confident With Your Own Decisions With Iryne Carrasquillo

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71: How To Be Confident With Your Own Decisions With Iryne Carrasquillo · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's the beginning of the year.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it's human nature for us to want to make all these decisions.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Even what decisions to decide on can be exhausting.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how much money do I want to make this year?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: What car should I get?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Should I put my child into daycare?
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh God, what are we having for lunch today?
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, what are we eating this whole week?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: What trip should I go to this year?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And with this laundry list of decisions, the bigger question we need to ask ourselves is how can we trust ourselves?
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're having trouble on how to trust yourself, well, this episode is for you.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm joined by Irene Gadaschillo, my own intuitive guidance coach who also coaches my clients, where we delve deep on how you can trust yourself and stop making decisions that you do because of guilt and shame.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: So before we drop the beats, don't forget to sign up for my newsletter where you'll continue to receive a real talk like this when it comes to your career in life.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Just go to elaneli.com forward slash join.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: All right, now let's drop the beat.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Elaine Lou Cartas.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a business and career coach for women of color and allies.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Elaine Weakley awarded me the number one thought leader, and Apple News named me one of the top five business coaches.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Done doing the most as a woman of color or ally, and you want to create your own definition of success and happiness?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, grab your coffee tea or boba and let's do some business and career real talk.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Legacy leaders, I am actually kind of worried that I am bringing this guest on because my guest that's coming on is my own intuitive guidance coach, Irene Gadaschillo.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Irene, you've been my coach intuitive guide for the past three years.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: The reason why I'm scared, by the way, is because I feel like once we talk about this, her calendar is going to be all booked up.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then how is she going to make space for me?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because she is that amazing.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: So let me brag about Irene.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Irene is the owner and founder of 30 Center LLC.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: You've been doing it, what, for 20 years of coaching, counseling, and intuitive guidance.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: She's a certified life coach, holds a master's level in education, in psychology, social work, business administration.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: I go to Irene, I we connect like once a month.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And she's been so helpful, not just in my business, but also in my life, that I've actually brought her onto my team where she comes in and coaches my clients every other month for about 90 minutes.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Irene is a Ukrainian immigrant, immigrated here when she was in middle school, married to a Puerto Rican, has two daughters.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just so grateful to have her in my life.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're talking about how to be confident with your own decisions.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, Irene, anything else you want to brag about yourself that I missed?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well, hi, Elaine.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think you've done a great job bragging about me already.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know what else I can say, but I, you know, I just wanted to speak to my backstory a little bit more because I think there's a lot of wealth of why we're talking about decision making today.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think I've done this type of work ever since I was about six years old.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's the first intuitive session I remember doing.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very fortunate that I came to a family that was very encouraging of this type of work.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of people ask me, well, what is intuitive work?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, intuitive work is really what you make of it.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: But how I centered in decision making is one time as I was working with a client on a group basis, I invited my husband to witness the work because he wanted to understand what I was doing.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it's he was there and he's a wonderful guy.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: He actually mentioned to me, he said, you know what?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: You really help people make decisions.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's so empowering, Irene.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: You are actually able to do something that I feel makes so much difference.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: And to me, I couldn't really praise what I was doing because, again, in this intuitive type of work, there's just so much variety.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: There's there's just so much of that interpersonal connection that I couldn't zero in in just one area that I was helping.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: So in that moment, to me, I said, bingo, this is something that I feature in every work with every client that I do.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a little bit about decision making.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was so excited, Elaine, that you picked this area in particular to speak about today.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: And in my own life, I've certainly faced a lot of indecision.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: So speaking about me being in this intuitive path, when I turned in my adolescent years, I was a spunky teenager, and I thought I knew what was best for me.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I made a rash decision, which we'll speak about rash decisions in a little bit, I'm sure.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: But I made a rash decision.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I decide to turn it all up.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna do this intuitive work, I'm gonna go to college, get my degrees in business administration and psychology, work in a corporate environment, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that was a rough decision, and I made it and I lived with it, and there's a lot of good that came from it.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: But one thing that I did not do, I did not stay true to myself because I completely tried to discount and part of myself that was just so inherently me.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that was this intuitive work.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because at that point, I did not realize how it fit within the scope of what I was doing.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: So I got burnt out in the corporate environment, got physically ill from it all, came back to this work.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: It followed me along along the way, anyhow, because people consulted with me on the side.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: And this is something that brought me joy.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: So this is about, I think 12 years now that I've been doing this full time, and I haven't looked back.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: And in that moment, I recognize how important it is to listen to yourself when you make decisions.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And even though I still struggle for it myself at times, I'm not perfect.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: I do feel like it is imperative for us in a daily life that you have in both life and business.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm very glad to speak to the subject today.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And also a surprise for everyone: this is Irene's first podcast interview.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we are popping her cherry.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And she chose our podcast.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: That is right.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Although I'd spoken in front of large audiences before, talk classes, all of that.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: I've never done a podcast before.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm so excited to do my first time with Elaine, who we have just a great connection with.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: We've been working together consistently for a while.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: And match are both by your science.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, there's definitely the spend of unspoken energy there as well.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: So what's funny, what our listeners don't know, is we actually paused in the middle of this podcast episode because intuition, right?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, wait, Irene, fix your mic.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then Irene got a call that she had to pick up.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, talk about intuition and being guided by it.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: No, I think it was incredibly intuitive.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: I think it speaks volume.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: So our work together and you listening to that inner voice that does help us make decisions, or in this case, it benefited me because it was an on-the-phone call that I otherwise wouldn't even notice on my phone, on my phone.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: So what really resonated with me as you were talking was staying true to yourself.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that goes with my first question.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Why is it so difficult for people to make a decision on their own?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Is it because it's hard for them to stay true to themselves or they don't know what it is to stay true to themselves?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I would love for you to elaborate on that.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think it's a combination factor.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: I I would I'd say the foremost reason why it's difficult to make decisions is because of society and the effect that it has on people.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Basically, we are bombarded with so much and we're told what we need to do.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: But is that really our inherent need?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Nine times out of ten, it is not.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: So it is really difficult for us to listen to that inner voice, to our inner truth, just because we are bombarded with that extraneous information that really tells us this is what you should be doing.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: This is what you should be thinking.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it's easy to lose yourself in that.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it comes both from media, it comes both from schooling, it comes from parents, and it comes from spouses.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And some of it is very innocuous.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's not made on purpose to be that way.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: However, it does quite our own inner voice, and thus our decision making is really not in a good place.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you share that, you know, being mindful of it's what society and culture tells us, right?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the work that we've done is I thought I need to do all the things, do what other business coaches are doing.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like I should have a videographer and photographer, I should have a makeup done all the time.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, wait, wait, wait.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's what people are saying, but do I really need that done?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm curious because as you know, society and culture has taught us as women that we need to be the supporting role for everyone else.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So do you actually find it more difficult for women to make a decision on their own versus men?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it equally the same?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just curious in your work.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I just feel like indecision is a big issue societally speaking, especially in a Western society.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: What is interesting though is that a lot of my clients, because I work with people internationally who live in more Eastern society, Eastern spirituality society, have much easier time making decisions.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I do notice that in an international way.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: But back to the question of, you know, gender, I do notice that that females do tend to have a harder time making decisions because, you know, society just gets in the way and and and allows them to be out of touch with themselves a little bit more.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know, say for instance, I'm a parent.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: So there's so many decision making that comes with having children, but on top of that, I'm I'm an entrepreneur.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so it can come as easy as stating, you know, what should I feed my children?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: And see, I'm and notice that notice I use the word should, and I'll go back to to should versus need and versus want.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's one of the biggest things in decision making.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: But uh, and and then again, the first thing that populates for most parents, I think they'll identify with it is okay, well, I should feed my kids the most healthiest, you know, food that I can find.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: However, is that really the best decision at a time?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it may not or may not be.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: Again.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not even saying that it's incorrect to feed them healthy, but what I am saying is that is the person listening to themselves in that moment, or are they listening to the conditioning, whatever they heard on TV, whatever they heard from their friend, whatever they heard in passing as they were buying chicken nuggets versus and healthy entree and Walmart?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: And thus that guilt that it brings up, right?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just a parenting message, but it is absolutely translatable to decisions that we make in our business, decisions that we make in our personal life, in our relationships, and all of that.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: So, as women, we absolutely have way more to contend to than most of my male clients, even though it is a universal issue in decision making, absolutely.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'll just share what happened this morning.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I didn't tell you, but I will keep it as broad as possible because you're my intuitive guide here.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Irene, you probably know who I'm talking about.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: But there's been someone that I've been in collaboration with, and this person doesn't do contracts, but I was like, hey, if we're gonna be in collaboration just to protect ourselves, like we need to do a contract, which we have.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then they were asking for something, but they were emailing about it over the holidays.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then the communication went from emails to WhatsApp to like this community platform.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's like there was this deadline to have it done on Black Friday, then got moved to Cyber Monday, and then it got moved to December 31st.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: It was just so confusing.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it took me out.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was about to say, okay, I'll do this one thing you're asking for.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, wait, hold on.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's what society's telling me to do because I'm a woman.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I should avoid conflict, I should just do this.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it took me like one hour to like send an email like giving feedback per contract.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is what we agreed upon.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Also, I just want to be transparent.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: It has been very confusing with all the communication going around.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Being asked during the holidays, it is like the first week back.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're recording this on January 3rd to ask for this.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't received a response back.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure I will, but it's just society and culture has taught me as an Asian American woman to just do it.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: But my what going back to staying true to yourself, I gave feedback and created those boundaries.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: So you shared earlier that you notice your Eastern countries, eastern culture, eastern philosophy, it's easier for them to stay true to themselves versus Western.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: What can we learn from the Eastern philosophy and eastern culture?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you think they have it down versus Western culture?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think there's multiple factors, but I think one universal factor is mindfulness and not rushing.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: So what I love in your example is that you sat with yourself, right?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: Even though we're told to rush to make this instantaneous decision, but again, that is a should.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: That is not a need.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Do we really need to make an instantaneous decision?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: You're an entrepreneur.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is your business.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: You can make that decision whenever you want to.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: But again, that pressure set in and that mind mindfulness in that moment really left the the building, right?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: You were not, and if you were not as self-aware as you are, and and hopefully our work together benefited you a little bit there, but yes, it did, I really.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: As self-aware as you are, and as intuitive as you are, and you know, Elaine is as biz as good as it is at these type of decisions making, right?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: This is why she does this work that she does.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: And in even you, as aware as you are, you almost made that rush decision instead of sitting with yourself for a little bit.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I think because we live in this Western society in such a rushed environment, that a lot of these decisions come from a place of reaction instead of introspection.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I think that's huge.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: And that kind of for the moment.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so exactly.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so this is exactly what we can learn.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: We can we can learn to sit with ourselves, we can learn to speak to a higher power, whatever that means to you.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: We can learn to meditate, you can learn to just take a deep breath, maybe go outside, write ground, uh, spend some time with nature.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: Those are all different exercises that I would suggest before we have to make a decision.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: And it could be a very simple decision, a very complex decision.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: I think these type of mindfulness exercises will absolutely only help.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, and mind you, I was like, I felt some way in my body.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was mindful of that.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, I should wait a day to respond.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: So whatever.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's a huge piece of that too, listening to your body, because our body does not lie.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: So back to my example of where I got physically ill as I was working and not the best alignment for myself out there in the business world.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I always felt this entrepreneurial pool.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: I did not do it.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: My body, because I was so stubborn, my body was what woke me up.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: So a lot of times in decision making, if you're not looking in the right direction for yourself in this particular decision, your body will be something that'll wake you up and something will bring attention to the to this matter and to say, okay, change your direction, make a different decision.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: This is not, you're not going in the correct place of abyss, right?
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: And it could be just that heavy feeling, something feels off, the heaviness in their chest.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes people describe that.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it could even be this, the headache, right?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times it isn't that is in the upper body, right?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: This unease, right?
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so a lot of times you may not be able to even put a finger on it by your body speaking, and your body never lies, right?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: Our mind can lie sometimes because that's societal conditioning, but our body does not.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: So Shakira, Shakira didn't lie about it.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hips don't lie.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: So exactly.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: So our body doesn't lie.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: No, once we tap into our intuition, that that becomes even easier because we're able to catch ourselves before our body has to respond.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: But there are still times where the decision needs to be rushed to a degree where our body will get in the way and then we'll feel that happiness.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's really important to sit with yourself in that moment and be mindful and not rush for that decision making.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: And even if it takes you a day or two, you know, if people don't understand it, why decisions made for you right there and then, those are not the right people to collaborate with anyhow.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like thinking that in my head, like, do I even want to continue collaborating with this person?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: But that is a conversation for one of our sessions in the future.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not anything.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of decision making, once you tap in and make it from the right perspective, that will lead to further decisions that you're preemptively making that you, you know, you won't have to re reactively make in the future.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: I I do want to say like the importance of like picking and choosing who you're going to collaborate with, not just clients, like the people you choose in your life, right?
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Clients, collaboration.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone knows this and I've talked about it before in this podcast.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: If it's your first episode, then welcome.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I I went back to doing more Thai, which is Thai kickboxing.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the studio I go to is called Yeah, Kobe and Mua Thai.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sean Yakobian owns it.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I really respect and appreciate him.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And what's been interesting is he hasn't been teaching it in the past three months since I've come.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then this past month in January, he's he's like, I'm gonna teach every day for this month.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then he was very clear, and I love how direct he is like, I'll just be honest, like, everyone's form sucks.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: You guys need to improve.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you are not professionally fighting, it is my name on the line.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I really respected him when he said that.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Even though we are not fighting, we are representing him.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: So when we think about it in our own business and career, who you choose to work with, a company as a client or as an employer, people you collaborate with, they represent you.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's absolutely right.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it is energetically, whether anyone knows about who these people are, whatever it is.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: But again, if you are surrounding yourself with people who do not respect your time, do not respect your decision making, and you won't be able to make effective decisions for yourself, right?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: To bring it back to that.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: You won't, just because there'll be their voices in your head, because it's all about them.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: And people like that perhaps stay aligned with someone else, but guess what?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: They're definitely not the right fit for you.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: So there you go.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: There's a decision making and knowing who is a good alignment for you to work interpersonally with, to work in your business with, to have a relationship with, all of that.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe the only exception being children because you can't pick them.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't know again.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or even like, I mean, I know not children, but even like with family members, I mean, I know we will have to see them at events, but even how do you communicate with them, create those boundaries if they ask for things.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: So right.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: And with family, it is stop to make decisions.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's a whole podcast interview on its own, you know, how to sever boundaries of your family of origin.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: But you absolutely do have decision-making power there, and you can decide how much and how frequently you see these people.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: So as we're coming out of holidays, I think that's the reason why it's coming up.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I think it's just really important for our listeners to even hear stories.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: But my grandma, who passed a lot transitioned two years ago, I should say, and I had a trip planned with my boyfriend to go to Santa Barbara, and we knew she was gonna pass any time.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Mind you, she wasn't doing good health-wise for probably like five years already.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: I already said bye.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, no, I need a vacation, I need a trip.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: And mind you, a few months before that, my boyfriend's dad passed away.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: So me and him, we needed a trip.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: I need a trip.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: I need to get away.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, the shit talking in the back.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, why are you leaving?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Your grandma's about to pass.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I already said my goodbye.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: I did what I needed to do.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Man, you see a lot of responses when someone's about to transition in your family, but I held to what I wanted to.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: I could have easily, easily done what my family, society, and culture tells us like, well, I'm the I'm a woman.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: I should probably just wait.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: I shouldn't do it.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, I needed like a break.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to get away.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I was at the funeral.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I was at the viewing.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: I was there.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: And even my youngest brother, because we had our other grandma pass away, we were all saying goodbyes.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: My youngest brother didn't want to see her in her state.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I completely understood because our other grandmother passed away just recently.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I respected that.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was, and other family members like, well, why don't you want to see her?
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't you want to say bye?
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like that older sister defending him, like, because he doesn't want it to hear what he said.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: And he could even say not having to be physically in a room together.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: Right, absolutely.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's again another great example for you, Elaine, high five on that, to make the the right decision for yourself, right?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: And stay away from and stay away from family pressures and their effect on our decision making is absolutely difficult and a challenging thing to do, especially in immigrant communities.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: I will say that, where families highlighted for a good reason, right?
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, we still make that decision of how present we wish to be for each of these events, each of these, you know, necessary transitions or whatever it may be.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: And just to conclude on that, is your grandmother, do you think, do you think she really cared if you were there?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: She knew that you were there in your heart.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: So something like this, you know, and I know that was the way that you celebrated her in a particular moment, because I remember us discussing it, because you wanted to be in a joyful place instead of staying in a place that was surrounded by more of that expected grief, right?
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a whole again podcast on its own, you know.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: I know there's a lot of freedom in releasing that that fear of death and expectation that comes around it.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: Any anything from funerals all the way to to you know, transitions and things of that nature.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's it's expectations.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I mean, I was just messaging Monica, who's been in this podcast several times, where I'm like, my boundaries are on fire this week.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's the new week we're recording it.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to go go to our next question.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it might have to do with your should versus need versus want, but how can people be confident in their decisions?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: What can people do to be confident?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like just as you spoke to your moitai, right?
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: Again, practice, right?
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's a muscle.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: The more you exercise it, whether it's intuition decision making, which those two go hand in hand, the easier it becomes.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: So that's A.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: However, we need to shed a lot of expectations, a lot of those should.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so I will absolutely speak to one of my bigger life lessons that I feature in my work, and that's need versus want versus should.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I think once, once this clarity comes in in this particular area, it will be absolutely very supportive in both business and personal life.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I see this just a relatively simple subject really making huge difference in people's relationships with themselves and their in their businesses and their in their personal lives.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: So what is need, what is want, what is should.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: So there are certain things we need to we need to do.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: They are very limited.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: They are very, very limited.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: They typically start with things like, okay, I am very hungry, I need to eat a breakfast.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's a need.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't eat a breakfast, you're not gonna be at your best, you're not gonna be functioning properly, right?
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: I need to take a shower, okay.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Whoa, whoa, not smelling so good after my my workout, right?
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: Again, that's a need because without a doubt, it's something that needs to happen.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: Something else that's a need could be getting dressed in the morning, right?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: You can't exactly go naked out in society if this aren't gonna end well, right?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's a need.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: So basically needs are baseline.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: Baseline, of course, they'll vary from culture to culture and society to society.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: By by and large, these are things we don't even think about because we we don't need to because we know inherently that is a need for us, okay?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: Now, then there's once.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: Now, once is my favorite area to help people discover because we get in our way, society gets in our way for us to know exactly what that is.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, but want is something that give brings us joy, that allows us to feel that peace and alignment and mindfulness that I already discussed.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: Something that allows you to really tap in into the best version of yourself and feel confident, okay?
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: So something like, and and then there's a should.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: Should already comes out of darker energy.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: What is should?
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: Shoulds are motivated by guilt and shame.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing ever good comes out of making decisions from the should place.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: So this is where, again, let's go back to this funeral thing.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so Elaine sat with herself in that moment, and then she said, okay, is this a need to go to the funeral?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because she's very self-aware.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: She said, Well, why would that be a need?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: My grandma knows that I love her.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a need, okay?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: But then she went right into should.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: However, there's all these family expectations.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I should go.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I did go to the funeral, but you're talking about Santa Barbara, right?
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: If I should go to the funeral, Santa Barbara.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Santa Barbara.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: I did go to the funeral.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: It could be present for the family.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: Not the funeral itself, but the family kind of environment, right?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly around that time.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it should be present because there's that expectation.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it helped, it helped with the work that you've done on yourself and also that self-awareness that you've cultivated to say, okay, I'm not making this decision because I want to.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not making this decision because I need to.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm making a decision because there's this family expectation.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: And even though you have this wealth of information and and and and the way that you connect to your culture, that it is that expectation, you also are so self-aware that you do know you want no no no place to be making decisions out of out of really this shame and guilt of place.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so and then you went to Santa Barbara, right?
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: And you had a wonderful time.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: Correct?
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: And your grandmother watched from the bob and probably was cheering you on.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, when I found out my grandma transitioned, I was on the cliff by the ocean.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: I can't think of any better way to find out when my grandma transitioned.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that didn't happen.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it didn't happen.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: And the irony of it, even though family members wanted me to be in the hometown, nobody wanted to sit with her like the whole time waiting until she had her lost breath.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, they are all there out of guilt, I'm shame, right?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe not all, but I would venture to say 80% of them were there because it was that expectation.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: Did they want to be there?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: I highly doubt that.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I believe that if they did not make that decision, right, out of this guilt and shame, they would be able to connect to your grandmother and grieve her and find joy and all this gamut of mosaic of emotions in a lot more personal way, as well as memories and connections that they had with your grandmother versus kind of just mindlessly sitting there.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: So again, this is not, I'm sure there are some people who actually wanted to be there and it brought them good feelings within themselves, but this is actually a great example of how need and want and should work.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because nine times out of ten, people make decisions such as you referenced out of that place of guilt.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, how can people be more confident in making a decision of a want?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: What do people need to do?
• 27:05
  unknown: Right?
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: So to be now that we're clear need, want, and should, I think there's it's it's almost when I settled myself when I meditated on on how to put this into words, I came to three components, how to do that, how to be in the want.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: First is to trust yourself.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: Next one is ask yourself questions.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then the third one is to confirm with others to find that objectivity.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now, for different decisions, different pieces will come in different order, different potency, and all of that.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: But the first one is trusting yourself.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: And we talked a little bit to them when we said your body lets you know.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: So anytime a decision comes, and I don't even care if it's a very minute, very inconsequential decision of what to have for dinner or something like that, or a very deep decision, like uh your example Elaine, where you wanted to see how to say proper goodbye with your grandmother and how to honor her in a way that felt correct to you, right?
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: From that one perspective.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's it's to really take that deep breath, close your eyes and tap in into whatever it is.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_01: Do you believe in higher power?
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: Tap into that.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: Do you believe in in prayer?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: Say that.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: Do you just want to say almond chant?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: Do that.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to go outside and ground and and be connected to Mother Nature?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: Do that.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: If it's just a simple, simple way of you know sitting on sitting on your bed and closing your eyes for a minute, see what it brings up in your body in that moment in time.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel anxious?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel fearful?
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: Do you feel good about that decision?
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: If you feel good about a decision, it's 100% coming out of one.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: So that's trusting yourself.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: Then if you're still not clear, and a lot of times here would be because of societal influences, you can ask yourself questions.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: And how can that work?
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: Some of the questions you can ask is does this bring me joy?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: Is this something that that aligns with who I am as a person?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: Does it help this particular situation?
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: Does it bring me satisfaction?
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: Does it does it bring me value and ease?
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: And again, the ease piece really speaks volumes to me because most effective decisions are made from that place.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's not made from a difficult, anxious, or fearful place.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: It is made out of place of ease.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not able to make that decision in that moment of time, guess what?
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: We need to revisit it later.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: And this is where that mindfulness aspect comes in where you don't rush with it.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: You don't rush with it.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's not a need to rush with it.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: It is not.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's a should to rush with it.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: And what do we do with shoulds?
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: Anytime that word comes up in vocabulary, especially in a comes of decision making, we abandon ship.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: And we need to start the process again of listening to ourselves again.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: Legacy leader.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: I know what you're thinking.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: Elaine, you have such good stuff here.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: I want more.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want more tips and advice for your business career in life, sign up for my gifts and gifts newsletter at elenelew.com forward slash join.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's J-O-I-N.
• 30:00
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• 30:04
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• 30:05
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• 30:07
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• 30:12
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• 30:14
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• 30:17
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• 30:24
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• 30:28
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• 30:32
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• 30:44
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• 30:46
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• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's J-O-I-N.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's get back to the episode.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, one of the things that you and I have even talked about, and I've even talked about with the rest of my team, and even getting feedback from my clients is looking at my own pricing and packaging.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then making the hard decision from even in our last call, like where okay, I had a three-month option for clients to work with me because I knew just inflation one, two, it's an easy buy.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: People are gonna want to try me first and then commit later.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to be really honest with myself and honest with what my clients needed.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, it can't be three months, it has to be six months, because six months creates long-term results and sustainability for my clients.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to create that decision overnight.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be like, okay, I'm good with it.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I was like in this indecision for the past month.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then as I've talked not just to you, but even my own bookkeeper, my own cash flow management coach, and just even looked at my numbers.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, this makes complete sense to do six months.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: And even looking more importantly at my client results, who are getting the most results?
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: Clients working with me at least six months, not three months.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that took a while.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I also want to share that took a while.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it's better that it takes a while and you're able to sit with yourself and make the right decision than if you're rash and just say, okay, I need to make this decision right now.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now, there are some decisions that need to come very quickly, but it's way less than what society will make you believe, okay?
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_01: Especially if you're an entrepreneur.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: You have the power to manifest the best working environment, the best clients for you.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_01: And decision making comes very much imperative in that process.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it goes hand in hand that you know yourself, you sit with yourself, and you and you feel within your body, your intuition, as well as within your bottom line and finances and with within the needs of your clients what works best for you.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: Now, in situations like that, sometimes you may need to discard the way things worked in the past or even some clients.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: But guess what?
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: You say truth to yourself, your business will grow.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: That is absolutely the truth.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Can you, because we also have people who work full-time for companies, can you also speak to that for people that work nine to five?
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because I will say I've been seeing a lot more people who want to work with me in career coaching, want to change careers or industries.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: And a reminder that we have this huge great resignation, people leaving their job that you also have a choice.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're an unhappy job with a shitty boss or shitty company, like you also have a choice to leave and start looking.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: Not saying you have to leave right away, because I understand you have bills to pay, but start doing that work and process.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: Work with a coach like me or whatever coach that you need supported.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: But can you also speak to that?
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so having worked in a corporate environment for just short of a decade, I'm definitely aware of that.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a lot of good in corporate environment for provides a lot of stability.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: But the unfortunate aspect to that type of environment, you have a little less power in decision making because you have your boss, you have your corporate entity, you have your HR, you can't just say F it and walk away, right?
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you probably could, but is that going to reflect well in your future job getting ability, right?
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: Again, so there's a lot more pieces to contend to.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: And this is where I will go to number three here.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: As I said, first is trust yourself, two is ask yourself questions and three, confirm with others for objectivity.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: So something like this, if you're looking to leave, your position in a corporate environment will absolutely warrant confirming with someone else.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: So this is a big, again, consulting with someone like Elaine, consulting with someone like me, right, in different ways, consulting with someone who you really trust, perhaps your husband who can be very objective, or your friend who knows who's known for good advice, right?
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: We don't want to consult with super anxious people, okay, who are in a lack mentality, right?
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: We don't, we don't want that.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: But you already know who those people are in your life.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: I can guarantee you that.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: I think, though, the good thing of those who work in corporate environments, you will have at that point created such a weld of connections that you know who to go to to get that objective opinion.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of times that objective opinion will come from a coach.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's imperative then to listen to it and compare it to your own inner guidance.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because as I say, I help people make decisions.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: Not once have I said I make decisions for people.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because not only is it toxic, it is also goes against all these principles of trusting yourself.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: If I make decisions to someone else, number one, I don't even trust myself to be able to guide them properly to their own truth.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so that it's that the process is a little more comes a little, a little more complex.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: However, it is still guided by need, want, and should.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: If you are unhappy in your job, at least you know one decision is very clear.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: You need to leave, okay?
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_01: And it is a need.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: How are you gonna do it?
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: This is where you have to sit with yourself a little bit, make a plan, confirm with others, and ask yourself those harder questions, right?
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: But the bottom line is you are leaving because there's nothing good comes out of staying someplace just because you feel like you should.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: And being mindful that if you stay, how is it affecting your relationship with your partner?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: How is it affecting you if you're a parent, affecting you with your loved ones, your friends, your family, that you have a choice?
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm curious if you've seen this, Irene, but I feel like because of COVID technology that people are not talking to their friends for advice.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I mean, great, if you could hire a coach, and if you don't have the means to, you can also talk to your friends.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like if there's an if you want to leave a job, for example, or you want to ask for a raise, but you know a friend that's successfully been able to do it, change jobs, ask for a raise, or maybe you're going through a breakup or going through a divorce, and you know a friend that has, go out to them and ask.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm curious if you've seen more people not doing that, Irene.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think it's really important to even reach out to our social network.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're social human beings.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, I think the pandemic had some necessary effects on society that allowed us to be more mindful, but it also had some negative effects, of course, where it removed us from the prior social circles.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: However, as someone who firmly believes things happen for a reason, I think it allowed us to really reframe the people we surrounded ourselves with and be a little more mindful.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps less more in your circle of friends, or perhaps you need to start from scratch.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, that creates its own different difficulties that come with it.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_01: But I also think it allowed people to go inward a little bit more.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now, as we are fully out of pandemic, I am seeing the opposite of fact with that, where people are trying to reach out and build those circles all over again.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I think this is where connectors such as Elaine are really important, right?
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because you have the circle of your clients, right?
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_01: And you're able to connect them in the way that they know these are high-performing people.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: They know they've been there, and at least several of them have been there in the same place that you have been there yourself.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_01: So absolutely those are the right people to ping pong back and forth and allow you to confirm that your decision is correct, whatever it may be.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: In the case of personal life, you know, again, it would if you have a friend who has been going through a divorce for 10 years, so has not really confirmed that's the right path for her, keeps on going back and forth and dilly-dallying her decision making.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: Perhaps that's not the friend that can assist you in your personal life questions.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_01: But someone who's mastered that.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I know, I and I know you guys know exactly what these people are.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_01: These are the people that lead very real lives.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_01: They fight with their spouse, but yet they're able to maximize their relationship, stay true to themselves, and still make it work.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: And they're very real type of people.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_01: We're not talking about people who wear those rose-colored glasses and are too good to be true.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_01: Now, there's some real kind of people who talk frankly that their their husband, by partner, annoyed them, but yet they they they learn how to cope with that, right?
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: Again, yeah, I'm sure that's for a different, that's for a different episode.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, how would that assist you?
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: That person obviously knows what they're doing in their personal relationships.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: So that could be that objective force for you.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_01: So pandemic has allowed us to be a little more mindful.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_01: And now we're still going through this, building up our social circles that allow us to choose that want versus those social circles that lead us fully into the show.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: And again, this is this is how to merge those concepts together.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_01: Look at the societal stuff that's been going on.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, an important question to ask yourself when you're going out to friends or family members that you want advice from that may have gone through a similar situation as you is to ask yourself this question, going back to trusting yourself is do I feel safe with this person?
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you do know someone that is going through a similar challenge or situation from you.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: But if you do not feel safe with them, then do not go to them for advice or feedback.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: But if there is someone that has gone through something and you do feel safe with them, then go to them.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's a really good point.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because if there's not that safety net, the way I look at it, that is that grounding, then that person will absolutely not assist you in any decision making.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_01: So the safety needs to be there, the comfort level needs to be there.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, you're choosing these people.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: There's no need for you to surround yourself with them.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_01: There is a want.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: So these people need to be the ones who empower you, who who don't just complain and speak about themselves, who ask you questions, right?
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: Who who share with you as much as they give and take.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I think less is more with that.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's I'm much rather see my clients have one to two true friends, like that, uh, who they can maybe not talk to for two months and then never miss a beat when they reconnect again, than have 10 people who are just there to be a complaining springboard, right?
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_01: Which nothing good ever comes out of that.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_01: That's where the shoulds rise out to the surface.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: Also, I I just want to share.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, yes, I know that we want to talk to some people about advice.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then, fortunate thing, living in this Western culture, people think like, oh, this person's coming to me for advice and we need to give them a solution.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are seeking out for advice and you just want to complain, just even share that.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hey, I want to talk to you about a challenge I have, but I am not seeking for a solution or advice.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to rant.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: I just want you to hold space.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: So having that bravery being direct with someone, hey, I want to talk to you about this.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not looking for a solution.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: I just want you to hold space for me.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, huge.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_01: So expectations are huge with that.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_01: And also on the other end of that, if someone comes to you for advice and you can't help them, then you can direct to them right back and say, Yes, I don't have experience in this.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know much about this, but I'm here for you.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll do what I can to make you feel more comfortable and to to help you feel less anxious or less fearful about this.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I want to share, because as a coach, and I'm sure you get it a lot too, Irene, as a coach yourself, is that a lot of people will ask me for advice if they're going through trauma and triggers, and I am not a licensed therapist.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I always want to be careful of that.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I even have friends that share with me pretty traumatic things.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: So a script that I've used is like, hey, I know you're going through all this stuff.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for feeling safe to share this with me.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_00: I care about you.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want the best support for you.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you should consider seeing a therapist to help you with that stuff.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'll share with you what a therapist has helped me with.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because I have I've hired a therapist to help me with.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: And Irene knows this is I have let go of clients who I knew I wasn't the best one to serve them because they really need to see a therapist.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_00: Does this mean I think they were crazy?
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: No, it doesn't.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's just they were looking for support.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: They thought it was with a coach, and I had to redirect them to a therapist.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to provide that script with anyone that's listening, whether you are a coach or someone that holds space or just a friend, and someone's going to you for things.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: So you have no idea.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because I remember I was 16.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_00: One of my close friends shared with me that she was raped by her uncle.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was 16.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea how to respond to that.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't give her a solution.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and I just, when I was 16, I was like, is there anything you need from me?
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_00: And all she really needed was for her to share and cry and talk about it.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that's you showed up the best way for her because if you tried to find a solution in that moment, I think she would not have felt as comfortable with you.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: But also that would have traumatized you.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's the only thing to hear.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that is another thing too.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like when someone's sharing a very traumatic experience, be careful because you could re-trigger them or re-traumatize them.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm or you trigger yourself.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've had many clients who something got triggered in them, and you know, then they fell fell fully into depression or anxiety, just something like over like this.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to be mindful about yourself and how you react.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_01: Give people space, but at the same time, it's okay to retreat and say, uh, you know, I'm here for you, but this is heavy for me.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: And this is okay.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: Again, in Western society, we're called to rush to something like this and Just find a solution.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times there's so much power just to sit with it for a moment, be mindful, and be there for one another.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_01: I remember in college, you know, one of my roommates, he lost his grand grandma.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember that he came and he was very kind of a more introverted person, right?
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_01: Different than you and I, Elaine.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: A very introverted person.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_01: He was very quiet.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: And when he shared it with others, I just remembered he was bar barraged by questions and offers of support and food and all of that.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: And people meant really well.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_01: But but I think they were reacting because they didn't really know what to say.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: They're all color students.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_01: They really have not experienced, for the most part, much loss, right?
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember something took me, came out of me.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_01: And all I did, I came up to him and I just gave him a hug, right?
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember holding him and I remember feeling that energy exchange.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then I said, you know, I'm here for you.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: And this is like a decade later.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_01: He comes to me, he said, Irene, and it brings tears to my eyes because I said it.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_01: This is really meaningful to me that you did that.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_01: I said, What a hug?
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: He said, absolutely, because you went from your heart versus just, you know, telling me these words that were actually not helping, but bringing me more into my grief.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_01: So that was a big lesson for me as someone who talks for a living, really to have that focus on nonverbal communication, to have that focus on heart-to-heart communication, to have that focus and compassion and feeling things and being mindful versus reacting to our own anxieties and what society tells us we should be doing.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's another thing is when we don't know, we could just simply ask, right?
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: And we can't have expectations that someone's gonna respond to an event in their life very similar to us.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_00: So, like I was sharing earlier, a few months before my grandma passed away, my boyfriend's dad passed away.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: And both of us deal with grief differently.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: Correct.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I was expecting him, like wanting me to like hold him and just talk to him and be there.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, he's an introvert.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_00: He wanted time alone.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I wasn't used to that.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I was very mindful of like, wait, my ego's here.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I think that that's what he wants.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let me just ask.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I asked him, like, hey, what do you need from me?
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: Do you just need time alone?
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to talk about it?
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_00: He was like, No, I just need time alone.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: And to respect that, and just a reminder, each individual, and Irene, you are a mother of two daughters.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like if you're a parent, each child has different needs and communications.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: They're so different.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_00: My girls are so different.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: Even though they they lived in the same environment, same parents, right?
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_00: But correct.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_00: But talk about nurture though, still.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: They're both different ages, they experience life differently, too.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, exactly.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, one of my daughters is very sensitive, and I am not, and I need to be very mindful of that.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_01: And the other one just shocks stuff up, and you know, and then she's a Capricorn, typical Capricorn wage, she's strong, and it doesn't bother her as much.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: She just needs to say two sentences and she's done.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a different approach, exactly.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_01: And these are genetically connected kids of mine, right?
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_01: So this is where absolutely everybody comes here with different energy and they react in different situations.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_01: So as we are effective in our own decision making, we listen to our own intuition, then we also become more effective and just create that environment for others who we care and love in our in our lives without that that place of should or guilt or not not knowing what to do, but still blazing forward with an approach that perhaps is toxic to that other person.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you've heard the phrase Irene.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's not mine, but people have said, like, stop shitting all over yourself.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, that's part of what I tell people.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_01: I said, when you should, when you say should, you literally shit yourself.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I literally say that to people.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_01: I I I've had clients that one of the biggest exercises, I said, you need to take this word out of your vocabulary, to the point it's this, this, this is actually someone who's a male.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_01: He was struggling with it.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_01: He was struggling with it because of the patriarchal society and what's been embedded in in his in in his mindset and how he communicated.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_01: And uh this this just a small little exercise of take being aware of shoulds and taking them out of his vocabulary really made big shifts in his life.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, absolutely.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_01: But you what you set yourself is something that I say.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse my language, but a fifth.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_00: So another question, how do you help people be more confident in their decisions?
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually two part.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_00: How do you help people be confident in their decisions?
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_00: And how can we, like me included, other people, not they don't necessarily have to be a coach or a therapist or a service provider, but even as a friend, how can we even be helpful for others, loved ones, to make their own decisions?
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it's go back to again being an effective family member, but also in your workplace, speaking to those who work in corporate environments, right?
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_01: Some people manage others, others have co-workers, right?
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not just exclusive to therapists, which I also worked as a therapist in the past.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm exclusive to therapists or or to coaches or whatever it is.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_01: I think the best, the best thing is to first and foremost listen.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_01: Listen and get a good understanding of who the person is.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_01: Now, this is where I kind of veer away from what is taught to be an effective counselor.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: Again, if it works for you and you're a therapist, this is wonderful.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, again, it's different strokes for different folks.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_01: However, I find if you listen too much and don't give enough direction, and perhaps I'm speaking as a fire sign, it's not as supportive.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I've had people come to me as I'm I'm no longer licensed, I don't work under that umbrella, and I highly encourage encouraged therapy.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_01: But because I'm not licensed, what I can do, I can speak.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_01: I don't just have to rephrase.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: So, and they said, okay, my therapist extremely helpful to me.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_01: She listens, but she says two words each session, and it has not been supportive.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_01: What I like about you, Irene, is that you listen, but you actually give me solutions, and we go back and forth and create those solutions together.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so in that example, a couple of things that I feel we can all take away.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: One is to listen.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_01: Another is to tap in intuitively into yourself and that person and start surmising together with some solution.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_01: It may not be a perfect solution, but at least stepping out of this rot of anxiety and indecision that absolutely leads into a dark place for a lot of people.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the third piece is to assist the person in their own way.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_01: Again, listen to them, but actively listen with some guidance.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I think for each person it'll be different.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: Back to my introverted friend's example.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_01: Some people need a little more listening, a little more compassion, and a little more patience.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_01: And others, like you relate, right?
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_01: You need just to tell you right opposite what I think I need to tell you.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_01: So knowing yourself and knowing the other person is the first step.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_01: Listening to yourself again, trusting yourself and your intuition, what you feel in the moment is another piece.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_01: Listening to what the person has to say, both verbal and non-verbal.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_01: And then just saying the first thing that comes to your mind.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times, as long as you're aware of your energy and your person's energy, it will come from that intuitive guidance place, right?
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_01: Again, the more you practice it, the more true will ring to you.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_01: I do this for a living, and it's sometimes still challenging for me.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_01: But again, that what I found in my work to be the most powerful and creates the most powerful change for myself and my clients.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean I am getting my certification right.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_00: And even for the certification, we're not allowed to like provide feedback, if anything, just asking questions.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: But how I do my coaching is a mix of coaching consulting.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so this might be scripts that might be helpful, not necessarily for the coach listening, but just as a human who has friends, which I am hoping all of you have friends listening.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_00: But here's some scripts I do.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, first, when I hear a client or a friend ranting, right?
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_00: They're just talking, complaining about whatever is happening in their life.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_00: I ask, hey, um, what do you need from me right now?
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_00: Is it just helpful for me to hold space?
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_00: Do you need feedback?
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: Do you need a solution?
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: What do you need?
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_00: So giving them three options to choose from.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_00: A majority of the time, it's just like, I just need you to hold space.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that's great.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say they do, they do say, I want feedback.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_00: So what I tend to do, I'm like, okay, well, I'm hearing that you're going through this.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_00: My feedback is for you to do A, B, C.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_00: What are your thoughts?
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_00: So whenever I give feedback, I actually ask the question at the end, what are your thoughts?
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or I even ask, does this align with you?
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because you want to make sure that someone has agency and choice if they want to do it or not.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_01: Back to my point, you know, I assist people in making decisions, right?
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't make decisions for them.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_01: And part of it is to say, does this bring true to you?
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_01: And some people have said, well, you know, sometimes it does feel like it's excuses that I hear on the other end.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_01: However, in that moment, I know they need to go through that process.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that process of really getting to their truth, right?
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_01: So then you hold space for them and you let and you meet them as they are, right?
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_01: As they teach you in any good coaching program, you meet them as they are.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_01: And with those, and then you cultivate that trust in yourself and in them by asking themselves those questions, right?
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, there is that ability to offer guidance.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_01: And none of us are perfect in offering guidance, but if we meet people where they are, I guarantee you what will come out is exactly what they need to hear.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that's how it usually works with this type of work of connecting to people and assisting in decision making because you're making a decision right in that moment.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_01: How do I help this person, right?
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so for people who are in therapeutic industries, coaching industries, right, talk therapy industries, you do need to think when you've seen a lot of time.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_01: So that's okay to sit with yourself and say, you know what, I don't know.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_01: I can get back to you.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_01: Or just to say, I'm just holding space for you now because we need to process it instead of just diving right into solution.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_01: If that's that's not something that's coming up for you in the moment.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, Irene, I love that you pitched pitched like, oh, like four possible podcast episodes in the future.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully that means we have you on again in the future.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to have you as a regular, but that's a different conversation from the podcast.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_00: But just putting that seat in.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_00: I have fun.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_00: It was this is a really fun first experience, I shall say.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm so glad I popped her cherry.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_00: But what is one reflective question or action item our listeners can have from this episode?
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_00: If there's one thing someone could do.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, reflective would be definitely to be mindful with yourself, to not rush, and to absolutely be very rooted into that mindfulness of not doing things out of guilt or shame.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I think actually that's my word of the year is mindfulness.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_01: So I encourage all of the listeners to really tap in into that mindfulness of what it means for them and how it can help them to find their truth, to find what motivates them and to ultimately lead to most effective decision making.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_00: And also for everyone listening, I'm excited because I've had Irene on board as one of my coaches in my team.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_00: So Irene comes in every other month for about 90 minutes to coach my clients.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_00: And Irene, can you share a little bit of that experience?
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because you've got to be a good idea.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's a very dynamic experience.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's so fun.
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_01: I number one, I just love the kind of people that Elaine work attracts.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_01: They're very dynamic, they're self-aware.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, they they want to create that lasting change for themselves.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that really shows in our work together.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_01: I I love the questions ahead of time that people submit, could be in anything as a picture of saying, you know, what do you get with this person who's in my life?
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_01: How is our relationship going?
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_01: To something a little more concrete and asking about timelines and more business coaching scenarios.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_01: I I think it's just fun.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think we come together as a group and it's not a dull moment.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_01: We laugh together, we get poignant topics discussed, and we come together in a confidential manner in a way where I can help people on their journey of life.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I'm grateful for that because I really do feel not only are the clients and the people ready, but they're also willing and able to connect to me in that moment in time.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so that makes my job more joyful.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, my mission, our company's mission is to help our clients, women of color and allies, to create a sustainable business and career outside of their life.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_00: So with that, I have coaches like Irene, who does intuitive guidance, office hours, Monica who does marketing and mental health.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then we have systems and project management.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then my clients at least get a minimum of monthly one-to-one.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to work with both Irene and I, if you love this podcast, go to ElaineLew.com forward slash call, schedule a call with me because we could see if it's a good fit.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll have some conversations.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_00: Cause if we're not a good fit, I'll let you know.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_00: But you'll at least get some action items from me.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, Elaine is very real about that.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_01: So no, if she works with you, you are a good fit.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that's quite a compliment.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, actually, and to be transparent and vulnerable, there are parts of our sessions that I have with Irene where we go over some people who who I'm considering working with.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_00: And there are times we're like, nope, not a good fit.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's no alignment, it's absolutely not a reflection off Elaine or that person.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, I think we can all agree if there's no alignment, it's kind of a waste of time and money.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_01: If not, yeah, for both sides.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, not just for both parties.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_00: For both sides.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's like dating, right?
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we're not meant for everybody.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_00: That'll be a podcast episode around Valentine's Day.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_00: Irene pitching herself.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_00: Dang, all of like my rec like Monica pitches herself all the time.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness, that's buddy.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_00: Also, if you do not want to be in an open relationship with me and Irene, working with both of us, you could work with Irene directly.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, Irene, how can people find you and how do you work with your clients?
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, well, open relationships are fun.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_01: If you want not speaking from experience necessarily, although I had some wild college years for sure.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_01: But you know.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_01: However, if you if you'd like to dive a little deeper, you know, not just about decision making, really anything.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_01: I work in all areas of life and business.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_01: We can absolutely connect together.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_01: I I offer one-hour individual sessions.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_01: Right now, I'm actually I don't have a wait list going on.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually my wait list is open.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_01: So if you are a new client, you are able to get in with me relatively soon within a couple of weeks.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_01: You can find me on my booking site, which is just my name, I-R-Y-N-Nancy E.org.
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_01: And you can just go through it, book a session if you feel so aligned.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_01: My assistant will be in touch with you shortly thereafter with further instructions, nothing too complex.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_01: And then we can dive deeper and whatever really speaks speaks to you in that moment in time.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I really do hope some of you do that because I love the people who Elaine's energy brings forward.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I look forward to connecting with you.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_00: I know it was selfishly though, Irene.
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, dang it, am I gonna be able to still book my sessions with you with this podcast coming out?
• 58:56
  SPEAKER_00: But like, you know, you know what?
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_00: I need to take my ego side and be okay that I am in an open relationship with you, Irene.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and that's just this is I do segment, you know, new clients versus existing clients because I want to provide as much value as possible, and I'm just one person.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, once you start a work together, there's no more wait lists, and you're pretty much uh guaranteed a time with me.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_01: Most people consult with me on a monthly basis, but it's absolutely up to you.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's whatever feels right for you intuitively.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so you got two options being an open relationship with both me and Irene, schedule calldayladenlou.com forward slash call.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_00: Or yeah.
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_00: And or go to iren.org, which is irn-e.org.
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_00: Irene, thank you so much for your time.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for choosing our podcast to be the first podcast to be recorded.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_00: And apparently you're doing multiple episodes of this.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_01: But I've been very selective, and this felt right in the new year, but decision making and with Elaine, couldn't have been uh a better fit.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you guys for uh for listening today.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_01: And Elaine, thank you so much for having me on.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_01: It was so fun.
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, Irene.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_01: We'll see you soon, yeah?
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, of course.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_01: I put you too many podcasts to not do it again.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_00: So don't forget to listen to your body.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_00: Don't make a decision right away, and be okay if people are upset that your decision disappoints them.
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve to stop shooting all over yourself.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_00: And if you found this episode helpful, here are four things you can do if you feel called to do them.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, share this with a friend who will benefit from learning how to be confident in their decisions so they can trust themselves.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_00: And send them a personal message on why you think it would help help them at all.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, don't forget to hit that follow or subscribe button.
• 1:00:53
  SPEAKER_00: When you hit that button, it lets the interwebs do its thing and let other women of color and allies like you know about this beautiful free resource.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, if you feel called to, leave a five-star rating and review for WC and Allies Business and Career Real Talk.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_00: So more women of color and allies can create a sustainable life outside of their work.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_00: I created this Real Talk podcast as a free resource for women of color and allies because contribution is one of my top values.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_00: And fourth, if you would like to see how to work with both me and Irene to create a more sustainable business career and life, and learn to trust yourself and to find your own definition of success and no one else's, then schedule a complimentary legacy business career and review call at elenele.com forward slash call.