Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Got the Ick with Denis Leary

Transcript

Got the Ick with Denis Leary · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, guys, I am officially on my High and Mighty tour.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: March thirteenth, Cleveland, Ohio. March fourteenth Columbus, Ohio. March fifteenth, Cincinnati, Ohio,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: and then March twentieth is Denver, Colorado. March twenty seventh, Portland, Maine.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: March twenty eighth, Providence, Rhode Island. March twenty ninth, Springfield, Massachusetts.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: April tenth is Chicago. I'll be at the Chicago Theater
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: in April eleventh. Indianapolis, Indiana. April twelfth, Louisville, Kentucky. April
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: sixteenth is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April seventeenth is Mesa, Arizona.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: April twenty third is Kansas City, Missouri. April twenty fourth
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: is Saint Louis, Missouri. April twenty fifth is Minneapolis, Minnesota.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: April thirtieth Nashville, Tennessee. May first is Charlotte, North Carolina.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: May second is Durham, North Carolina. May sixth, I'm doing
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Netflix as a joke festival. I will be in Los Angeles.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: That is a new announcement, along with Atlantic City May fifteenth, Toga, California,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: May sixteenth, Monterey California. May seventeenth Modesto, California, and then June.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: Fourth Portchester, New York.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: June fifth is Boston, mass And June twelfth is Portland, Oregon.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: And then Seattle is June thirteenth, So suck on that. Everybody.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Go to Chelsea handler dot com for tickets. Hi Catherine,
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Hi Chelsea. Where are the world are you right now?
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I'm in Helsinki. Actually, it's funny you mentioned that I'm
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: in Helsinki, and I feel like I am in Russia.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: It is a very gloomy day.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: Not to confuse the finished people with Russians because that's
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: probably not welcome. We won't be problematic today and it
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: won't be problematic, but it is a very very gloomy
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: day in Helsinki. We came here for the night on
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: our way to another place, and it is something like
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I all people do here is sauna and karaoke.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: I mean that sounds like a good time.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: I mean if they put this karaoke in the sauna,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I think that would be a better time.
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: Absolutely well, our guest today is very exciting.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I love him. He's one of my boyfriends.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: You know him from Rescue Me. His longtime stand up
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: career and his new series, now in its second season
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: on Hulu, which is called Going Dutch something that I
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: never want to happen. Please welcome, actor, producer, and comedian
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Dennis Leary.
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: How are you, Telsey? I'm good. Where are you?
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Are you in a hotel room?
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: I am in a hotel room in downtown New York.
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: I hope because I'm shooting a bunch of stuff today.
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: So this is the you're show.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: You're doing a podcast before you shoot your show.
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: No, I shot something this morning and then I'm doing
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: a round of press for my show. Okay, So for your.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: Show, which is called Going Dutch.
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: Going Dutch on Fox and season two, Season two, People Too.
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: It's a half hour comedy. It's really funny. It's a
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: great cast. The girl plays my daughter is amazing, Taylor Michiak.
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: Danny Pooty from Commune is also one of my co
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: stars and my girlfriend this year in this season is
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: played by Kristin Johnston, who's brilliant.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Yes she is.
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: So that's it. Everything about the show is out of
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: the way. Okay, whatever the fuck you want to talk about.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I just want to make mention as part of the
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: plotline in this show you are you play a colonel
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: who gets well deported. Basically, yes, so very timely, very
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: very timely.
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: It's very timely. I get deported and I get sent
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: to Amsterdam because it's the most It's actually based on
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: a real base that got shut down, based in the Netherlands,
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: that literally was built to supply to do the laundry
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: for the other thirty two NATO basses in Europe and
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: to supply cheese and wine to those other bases.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Where do I know you don't drink anymore?
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: So what do you think is more important out of
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: those two responsibilities, the cheese and the wine or the laundry.
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: Okay, here's the fucking thing. Even when I drank because
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: I'm Irish, I hated fucking listen.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: Listen. I still drink because I'm not Irish. But I
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: also hate fucking wine.
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: I am so sick. Wine is a boring drink.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: And when people drink too much wine, especially red wine,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: you look like a fucking jackass.
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: You a jackets number one number two. When you start
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: explaining to me all the things of the flavors in
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: this I don't want that's not good. I want to
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: gulp it. I'm not there for the fucking in the
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: historical information about how it was fucking bottled. Fuck you
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: you know what I mean.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I went on a date with a guy. It was
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: It wasn't a date, well, I guess it was a date.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: It was a blind date. I went to go meet
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: him at some bar in Santa Monica or hotel bar
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: in Santa Monica.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: And I walked in and he had a glass of
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: chardonnay at.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: Night, and he was also wearing a leather bomber jacket,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: and so I had to leave. And then after the
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: first I would I have. I had a gin and soda,
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: he had a chardonnay. And after he goes, should we
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: get another round? I said no, this is it. I
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: said you should. I said you should get another one
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: because I'm leaving.
• 4:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and get rid of the bomber jacket and start
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: drinking real boom.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: What was your drink of choice when you were off
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: the wagon.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: Oh, I'm so fucking irish, I'm sohi sky. I drank
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: whiskey and beer and mostly whiskey. And I drank my
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: whiskey straight and I fucking loved it. And sometimes I
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: would veer up in like in the summer, I would
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: have vodka maybe everywhere, but I was like, I was
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: so fucking irish and I had fucking two hollow legs
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: so I could drink like a fucking fish and nobody
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: ever saw me drunk because I'm fucking I'm so one
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: hundred percent of my parents are both from the same
• 5:32
  Speaker 4: village in Ireland, and you know my family, I'm from
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: Massachusetts on top of that, so it's like we still
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: drink up there, like it's nineteen fifty four, you know
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: what I mean, Like Jack Kennedy is in the Senate,
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: That's what. Like, there's no people are still drinking like
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: my family is. Beer is not alcohol. Beer is like water.
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: So you're just drinking beer all day, a lot of beer.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: It's a sense of beer.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: A lot of beer does taste like water, specifically like
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: cores light or make a little light like those light
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: beers taste like water.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: I don't even know what the appeal is.
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: But the other thing is like even with guinness, my mother,
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: God rest your soult. You just passed away this year
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: ninety eight. Wow, she was like guinness was protein. Guinness
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: was like if you were sick. The other whiskey was
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: Nikewi When I was growing up. They didn't they get
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: if you got sick, they gave you whiskey. They like
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: you go to bed when you're ange.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I still take whiskey when I have a little cough
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: because somebody told me that that works.
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: Or a fireball. I'll take a shot, a fireball, a whiskey.
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: What do you normally drink? What's your normal? Right now?
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: MIGHT have my own alcoholic drink. It's called Chelsea Handler's
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: vodka lemonade. So I drink a lot of that, and
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: those are nice and light. But when I'm out at
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: dinner and I have to order a cocktail, I get
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: a gin with a splash of soda. And in Canada,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: which is where I live in the wintertime, you have
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: to get a double. Well you don't have to, but
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I have to get a double because the shots are
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: here are like, you know, one little jigger, and I
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: like too. I want an American serving, so I get it.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Always get a double and then a splash of soda.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: So mostly gin, but it's something to cut the gin
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: a little bit.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: But not too much.
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: Well that's the you know that's hoping during the Karen
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: Reid trial when people were so shocked that she was
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: in a bar with their friends and they would order
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: drinks and then order two extra double shots of Vike
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: on the side to pour into the race because that
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: you don't put in, they're not putting enough booze it.
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: I remember that, right, you know? From drinking. Yeah, like
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: at a bar, you almost need to bring your own
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: backup bottle so that you can fill.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Right, it's called a flask basically, right, that's what we're
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: talking about.
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: I never I never carried a floor.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: You look great, dentnis, I mean you do, Yeah, you do.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: You look good. You look fresh.
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: I mean, you're crazy, You're.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Almost I don't know if you're gonna have a problem
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: with me saying this on the air, but you're you're
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: going to be seventy years old soon.
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: I know. It's unbelievable.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: And then what happens.
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: And I smoked like five packs a day until like
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: five years ago. It's crazy.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: I can't believe you were able to quit smoking on
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: top of it. That is very impressive.
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: Do you want to hear I'm going to make it
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: very angry now, and a lot of my friends are
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: already angry and I'm just telling you. It's not bragging,
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: it's just the truth. I never fucking intended to quit smoking.
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: I loved fucking smoke. I fucking loved it. And then, uh,
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: my kids asked me, my wife asked me, my mother asked.
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: I was like, I'm just never gonna do it. And
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: I was outside, like in the summertime, like five years ago,
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: and I went outside to smoke a cigarette. And I
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: smoked a cigarette and literally at the end of that cigarette,
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: and they went, nah, I think I'm done, And I
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: was like, ah, that's bullshit. So I got up the
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: next morning, I had a full pack. I went three
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: days and finally my wife said, Hey, what's going on.
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: Are you not smoking? And I was like, yeah, I
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: think I quit and I fucking quit.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: What you just got that?
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: No, it's so fucking step.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: You just got the egg, Like Catherine said, I like that,
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: you got the eck from cigarettes.
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: It's unbelievable. And I've never gone back. That is crazy,
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: I mean crazy. I have no explanations.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I've had similar experiences with things where I'm just like, oh,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: I'm done now.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: But for most people, what uh people.
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: Men, mostly men?
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Cigarettes?
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I like, I quit for ten years, I got hypnotized
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: and I quit. But I was never very a crazy smoker.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I smoked when I drank, but then I drank all
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: the time, So then I smoked all the time. But
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: then I just curtailed my behavior, you know, like I
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: just had a revamp. I was like, all right, listen, yeah,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: I don't want to have to quit either one of
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: these things ever, so just dial it all back and
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: just regroup and recalibrate.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: And I'm pretty good at that in my life.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: So I went through a period of like ten years
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: where I drank, but I did not smoke one cigarette.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: And I just didn't drink as much as that would
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: get me into trouble. And I didn't do any drugs
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: that would make me want to smoke, because that was
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: usually the gateway for me.
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: What was the gateway like weed?
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: No, just like you know, tripping or anything, any substance
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: makes you want to just take it up notch.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: So I quit drink.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: I quit smoking, and then I was in Europe and
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: people were smoking there like it was just you know,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: had just been invented.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, or people smoking in Europe?
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Are you?
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, well, Okay, I guess you
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: can't get cancer over here. And then I had a
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: couple of cigarettes on vacation in Europe, and I remember
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: coming back and being disgusted with myself.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: I'm like, who do you think you are? You're in
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: your forties at the time, I was in my forties.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I'm now fifty, and I was like, you just can't
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: smoke like that, like your skin everything, You're looking old like.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: It's a vanity thing more than anything.
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: Of course, it's a hell thing, but first and foremost
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: for me, it was a vanity thing. So I dabble
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: once in a while, but I don't really smoke cigarettes,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. If I'm in Vegas and
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: we're gambling and somebody has a cigarette and I'm lit enough,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I will have a cigarette, but as soon as I
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: take a puff, I'm like, why did I do that?
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: It's disgusting.
• 10:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I'm me. I fucking love them.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: But I mean I liked your I liked your your
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: hero story.
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: It's I don't think of it as a hero or
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: chamvia story because I can't. I can't. I'm not. It's
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: not that I'm I'm glad I quit smoke.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: You don't feel victorious.
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: I just felt like, I literally I'm such a fucking
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: addictive personality. Yeah that I just was like, oh my brain.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: Without even telling me, he was like, all right, so
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: that we're done. Now, this was the last one. And
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: you know Colin Quinn and all these friends of mine
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: that quit smoking over and over. I had a great
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: friend of mine, Adam Roth, was my guitar player in
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: my show band. But he was a famous guitar player.
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: He was in the Jim Carroll band, and he was
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: in the del Foy Goes. He was every at one
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: point in his life. He was everything. When he was
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: in the Jim Carroll band, they were all speedball junkies.
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: They smoked, they drank, they shot speedballs. That's what they did.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: And that's coke and heroin, right.
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So he was addicted to everything and then pills
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: and then he quit everything and he said the hardest
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: thing for me to quit was the cigarettes, and he did.
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: Throughout his life, he kept going back to the cigarettes.
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: So I just thought like, based on his experience, I'm
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: never gonna quit. It's too hard to quit. Not gonna quit,
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: And so I think I can't take any credit for it.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: Some part of my brain went, you're done.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: I wonder how common that is that people actually just
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: quit doing something because they have just reached the end
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: of their rope. And it's not even really doesn't sound
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: like a rope. It's just like I'm no longer interested
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: in doing this.
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I listen, I did a lot of it,
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: So it's not like I believe I believe you. I
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: jerk off a lot. I haven't quit that.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: I believe that too.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: You've been married for forty four years, so I'm sure
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of masturbating happening because I'm sure your
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: wife is so sick of your shit.
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: My wife was sick of my shit two years into
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: the race.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: I believe that too.
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: And here we are forty something four years.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: You've been married, Dennis Leary, forty four years.
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: That's amazing. We've only been married. We've only been married.
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: We would live together for seven years before we got married.
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: So I don't know what the math is because that's
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: not what I majored in.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Forty four minus seven.
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: Neither one of us is a math.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: Fake thirty seven?
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: How many put you that out?
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure seven plus four is eleven, so seven, I.
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: Guess that forty four seven thirty seven, seven thirty seven,
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: so I've been married for thirty seven years.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, But you know what, I want to say something
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: about your age. First of all, because being married for
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: for that long as a feet and yeah, your wife
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: is probably she's probably got a lot to say about it.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: But I also want to say about men your age.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: You know, sometimes when men get older, not sometimes a
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: lot of times, when men get older, they start to
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: transition into a woman.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: They start to look a little bit softer.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Around the edges, and they turn into sort of, you know,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: a fembot if you will. Yes, And I've seen a
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: lot of older men. I guess it's the testosterone. You
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: lose the testosterone, And I guess I don't know are
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: men taking estrogen because it looks like it, But you
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: don't look like you're turning into a full blown woman.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I just want to say that.
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: Well, listen, I just want to say this. I think
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: men do tend to start to look like aging lesbians
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: at a certain point. I was just hanging out with
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: Conan recently, and do you think.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: Conan is starting to look like an aging lesbian?
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: Conan is self proclaimed looks like an aging conan.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Has been a proclaimed lesbian for since I've met him,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: since i've yes, and I'm sure you've known.
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: Him though i've known him. Well, you know he's my cousin, right,
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: which is weird.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Maybe I did know that.
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it's like he's my fourth cousin. But listen,
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: the thing about there's nothing you can do about it
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: unless you're gonna have some kind of plastic surgery or
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: start shooting testosterone.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Have you had plastic surgery, Dennis?
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: No?
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Fuck no, okay, because you look really good for seventy years.
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: Old, and I can't. I'm not fucking doing.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: It, I know, but you never really know. Listen, you
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: never know what you have patience for his plastic surgery.
• 14:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you fucking go and get surgery and then you
• 14:33
  Speaker 4: got to recover. I don't have time for that.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, okay, Well, so I don't.
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: Like here's my thing. Almost every guy, and you know,
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: you've probably had this experience with men where you go
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: you're like, you know, you're working with an actor and
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: you go like, this is weird. This guy looks different
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: from the last time I saw right, And a lot
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: of them don't know that too. But if you know
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: the guy long enough, he said, hey, did you do
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: something to your faces? Like, oh yeah, I had a
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: little bit of it. You don't you look you start
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: to look like you you look like a lesbian. At
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: that point, you look like you know, you're not looking
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: like a man anymore. Your face is not aging. I
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: think for an actor and a comedian, like you know,
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: male comedian, get what are you doing? Right? Right?
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: And most men when I see a man, get plastic
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: surgery that you don't detect. You're like, you're supposed to
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: just look refreshed. You're not supposed to look like a woman,
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: or I mean it's some plastic surgeries. If you're transitioning,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: I can't speak for anybody except way.
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: So, but yeah, you.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: Can't speak for anyone that's transitioning, and.
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: I can't speak I can't speak for a lot of people.
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: I can't speak for anybody except Okay, great.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: Great answer, great straight male answer. Let's go.
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: But I will say this, if you're a fucking character actor, right,
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: or you're a comedian, And in my case, I consider
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: myself both like what what why would you not want
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: to look? Whatever? The way is you're looking as you age,
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: because that's part of what you're your truth that you're telling. Right,
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: So it's weird. It's fucking weird.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: And how's your hair doing? Your hair looks beautiful and bounty.
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: No, I get it's it's genetic.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, you really do have good genes.
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: Well, here's the thing.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: I don't think I've been more attracted to.
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: You nifty and it's all zoom.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: But I'm always a little attracted to you because I've
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: told you that my sister has a huge crush on you,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and by osmosis, I've always she's always pushed me in
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: your direction.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: Have Dennis Leary on talk to Dennis Leary.
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: I love sister. Your sister is so fucking smart and
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: she has such great taste in that I always said
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: that about it.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Here's my next question. Why are you I thought you
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: moved to New York. Why are you in a hotel room?
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: Oh it's a long story.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: But I bet I know the answer.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: Your wife doesn't want you around when you're doing press
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: because you're too annoying talking about yourself all day.
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: Probably my wife has write, she's a writer, so she's
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: working on her book. She does not want me around.
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: Even if I'm in the same place with her, she
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: doesn't want to see me until except in the morning
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: and what she's done writing in the afternoon. And that's
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: basically it. Maybe we watch something together, it's we have
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: the relationship. Pigure it out. No, I'm just I'm doing
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: such crazy amount of press these last three days that
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: I'm in. This is very convenient because it's it's between
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: two places I have to be.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: And it's also great for your sleepwalking, because if you
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: sleepwalk in a hotel room like it's only you're only
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: going to injure yourself or you know, hopefully no one else.
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: And the windows don't open up here.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: What happens with you when you sleepwalk at home?
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: What?
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: How often does this happen?
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: Did we talk about this on your on the talk
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: show one time?
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: I don't remember, do we? You're the sober one you
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: would remember.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I don't remember if we talked about this, But I
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: like it. I like the subject of sleepwalking.
• 17:28
  Speaker 4: I haven't remembered a sleepwalking experience in a few years now,
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: so that means.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: You're in the clear.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: Maybe you just got ricked out by sleepwalking too, and
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: we're like, forget it.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: I'm done with you too. Maybe the smoking was causing it.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh, that would be a fascinating medical correlation if
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: you quit smoking and that ended your sleepwalking.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: Wow, I'd have to I have to find out from
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: Mike Perbiglia if that can happen for him. Mike pf Pamiliar.
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: He wrote an entire show about it. Yeah, it's crazy, man,
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: and I haven't Oh my god, it's like I still
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: don't sleep on airplanes anymore because you know that Kardashian story, right, No, have.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: You been traveling with the Kardashians recently?
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: I did. This is years ago, now, this is like
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: almost probably it's got to be at least fifteen years ago.
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: This happened.
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: What?
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: Ok long? Okay? So I thought I sleep walk. I've
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: always left the walk. So here's my worst thing I
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: ever did when sleepwalking. I was taking a flight in
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: New York to Los Angeles to publicize Rescue Me. So
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: it was during Rescue Me, and I was doing Conan
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: was the first show I was going to do the
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: day that I land.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Because he's your first, because he's your fourth cousin removed.
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: Well, he was. This is how long ago it was.
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: It was when I think it was when he was
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: doing the Tonight Show. Okay, so that would have been
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: whenever the fuck that.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Was highlight of his career, I'm sure.
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, nine months, which is her story. Hard to remember. Anyways,
• 18:56
  Speaker 4: He's he's never gotten over that. So I'm taking this
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: flight that I always take from New York to LA
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: which leaves first thing in the morning, six o'clock in
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: the morning. So when you get to the airport like
• 19:04
  Speaker 4: four thirty or five, you know there's nobody there and
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: first class is usually empty. So I get there, it's me,
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: Dave Franco, okay, or j Which one was the one
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: that was sexually had.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: I think it was James is the one we don't
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: talk about.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Its more sexual, publicly sexual.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: I think cancelations situation.
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: One was the more publicly sexual Franco.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: There's always a very publicly sexual one on the first
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: class flight from LAX to JFK or.
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: There's usually a person on that first class flight in
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: show business who's teaching an acting class and molesting students,
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: So I think I think in this case it was
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: allegedly Anyways, so it's me, James Franco and the Kardashians
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: show up on the flight, the first in the first
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: class last right, So and again this is me, I'm
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: so and I'm like, all right, I look at the
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: Kardashians in my head, like look at them, and they again,
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: to my credit, they did start bitching about the first
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: class lounge food, which was all really fresh, like just
• 20:11
  Speaker 4: put out eggs whatever. So I'm totally judgmental about them.
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: And this is when she was still Bruce Jenner, and
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: it was Bruce Jenner, the mom and a bunch of
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: the girls except not Kim and not Chloe. Okay, and
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: there was a bunch of girls and one boy. So
• 20:28
  Speaker 4: I don't know all the Kardashians, but there was a
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: bunch of the boys.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Rob Kardashian.
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: So he's like the roy of our family. That's how
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: I know his name. He definitely is.
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: So we go, we get on the plane and again,
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: like I do have I'm aware of the fact that
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: at this point in my life that I have a
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: sleepwalking problem, but up to this point in my life,
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: I had never slept, walk or did anything on a plane.
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: Right now, here's the other side thing, because of rescue me.
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: When there's an air marshal on a flight. They always
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: kind of let me know, like, hey, you know, I'm
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: a fan of rescue me and they usually give me
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: a little pin, you know, or something connected to their
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: to their job to remind.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Our listeners who aren't familiar with rescue me. That was
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: a phenomenal show about firefighters fire yeah, that he started
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: for many years at what a lot of Emmy's. It
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: was a very very well received and a very great show.
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and it was. It was at that time still on.
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: That's what I was publicizing. I think, sayways, this guy
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: comes up to me again. I could spot him. I
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: knew he was an air marshal before he told me.
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: He's like, I'm an air marshal, blah blah, and oh great,
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: nice to meet you. I'm on your flight. Great, get
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: on the plane. Kardashians are over the on that's one side.
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: I'm on the other side. There's nobody else, the Kardashians.
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: James Franco was the only person in the middle, and
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: then me, I'm the only It's basically an empty first class.
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: So the air marshal goes, hey, you might have to
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: sit next to you and just talk to you. I
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: was like, no, not at all, do you.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Typically like that kind of activity when you're on a
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: plane talking to strangers, or did you make the exception
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: because it was an air marshal.
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: Because it's an air marshal, and you know, he's got
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: an interesting job. He's probably got some great right. So
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: now we sit down and the plane takes off and
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: we're talking for a little while, and then he kind
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: of he's he can't fall asleep, but he's you know,
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: the conversation is dying down. Before I know it, I
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: wake up because I have him trapped in the chair.
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: I'm standing over him. I have him his legs clenched
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: in between my legs, and I'm fucking hitting him in
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: the head and in the in the chest with a
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: water bomb that has exploded. It's there's just water everywhere,
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: and somebody is grabbing me from behind, and and Bruce
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: Jenner is on the floor in the on the aisle,
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: in my aisle, on the floor in a karate stance
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: like he's about to attack me, like making karate noises,
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: and he's been tire of the Kardashian family over there.
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: Everybody's going scared, and I'm like, and the air marsh
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: is going they try to grab my arms and screaming
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: like what the fuck, man, what the I immediately know
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: that I've I've been asleep in a dream like sleepwalking,
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: but nobody else knows that. So I stop and I'm like,
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: oh my god, I'm my god, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: I sleepwalk. I sleep walk, I like, I like yelling it,
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: and everybody's like, oh my god. Everybody settles down. I'm like,
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: I'm so sorry, I sleepwalk. I should have told you guys.
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: Now they take us into the little you know, pants fit, Yeah,
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: not the cockpit, but the fucking the galley, and because
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: his pants are fucking the crotch of his pants are
• 23:29
  Speaker 4: completely so he's completely so he's ripshit by the way,
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: as you can imagine, and so are the stewardesses. And
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm so sorry. So I go in the
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: galley with them, and one of them had a blow dryer,
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: so they were plug in the blow drying and try
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: to blow dry his pants and I feel so bad.
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: And he's literally like, you fucking should tell people that
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: you have that problem, yeah, And I was like, I don't.
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: I didn't plan on falling asleep. I'm so sorry. Whatever,
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: and I'm in my head, I'm like, the best part
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: about this is, I know I slept like five hours
• 23:58
  Speaker 4: of the flight. I have like an hour left in
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: this flight.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: And by the way, maybe the reason why you fell
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: into such a deep slumber was because this man was
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: talking to you.
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: Could be his own fault, you know what I mean.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, just why not repoint the finger back at him?
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: He didn't have good stories after all? I mean, why, yeah, why?
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: By the way, we react that way.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: In your sleep to punched the many, we were a
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: bottle of water unless they were super annoying.
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: Super boring. Yeah. And by the way, we were twenty
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: minutes into the flight. There's still like another four oh
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: oh god. And he and I had to sit by
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: my way. I went back out and sat by myself
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: with Bruce Jenner and the whole Jenner family like throwing
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: me looks, and even James Franco was like, what the fuck? Yeah,
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: you know, I mean this is pre sexual you know, scandals.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Right right now?
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: There were no sexual scandals before this happened, not one.
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: So anyways, I got to La and I told I
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: told Brian Kylie is one of Conan's guys, is one
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: of his writers. It still is. And so I told Kylie,
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: you know what happened. He's like, you got to tell
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: that story on the show one. I'm like, I'm not
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: fucking telling this story. And then when I got there,
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: because it's the same day, Conan's like, if you don't
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: tell the story, I'm going to tell the story. So
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: I was like, so I told it on the air
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: back whenever it was twenty ten, but now I do
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: not sleep on planes. I'll take a very brief, like
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: five minute nap, holding like an iPad or something that
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: could fall, but I will not fall asleep.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: You know, they have those like straight jackets you can
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: get for yourself so that you can put your arms
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: around your own body, and it's kind of like it
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: works is two things. One to protect you from other
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: people if you're a sleepwalker, and two you can kind
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: of hold yourself like a baby.
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: I'm really I'm not interested in holding myself.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: But maybe that's like the kind of soothing you need.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: What if this goes all the way back to your
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: childhood and you find out you were never held as
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: a baby and that's why you have these outbursts. First
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: of all, the chances of you doing that to anyone
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: other like the fact that you did it to an
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: air marshal, someone who's trained to actually deal.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: With this kind of beha of the odds.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, exactly, because if that would have been a
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: real person, you would have been in a lot of trouble.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: They would have probably pressed charges for assault.
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: Well, on top of which he could have killed me,
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: like with one like just with his like thumb and
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: forefinger if he wanted.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: He's like, I'm going up here.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: He's like, I'm coming on this flight to find terrorists,
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: and what I'm dealing with is just an arrant.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Baby.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: Dennis Miller, Dennis Dennis Leary, Miller, Dennis Miller, Leary, I
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: was on.
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: A flight, That's what I told people.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: By the way, I was like, I'm Dennis Miller for
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: this episode.
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: I like to say I would have said I would
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: have said, like, if he didn't know I was Dennis Lear,
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: I could have said I'm Willem Dafoe and passed off
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: Vin Baby.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kevin.
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: Jane Lynch.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, Jane, Anybodyellen is a good comp for you.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: Jane Lynch, what about Yeah, you get confused with Willem
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Dafoe A lot.
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: Don't you all the all the time?
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Who do you think I get confused with a lot?
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: I don't. I would think you're so original that you.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Elizabeth Banks. I get confused with Elizabeth Yes, okay.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Interesting And in my earlier years Jenny McCarthy and Pam Anderson,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: when I was really young and I was just boobies out,
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: then it was really all about that.
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, like like, you're
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: not boobies out now, No, they're out.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: But they're not free. I don't have my nipples exposed.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: I don't do that kind of stuff anymore.
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Really. I have nephews and they were picked out by it,
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: and I'm fine.
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I thank god there's no video of you like
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: naked scheme.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. Thank god that that's not out there.
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: Thank god that's not out there for those kids.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: I have a sports question for you, Dennis.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: I've recently got into betting on sports just so that
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: I can remain interested in professional basketball football games. And
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: then I learned that these guys are throwing games, Like
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: there's all this stuff happening, right, Yeah, but they can throw,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: they can throw points and stuff and I'm like, wait,
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: why are we betting on things when we don't even
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: know who's getting bribed. But as somebody who is such
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: a hardcore, know, massive Boston person, Okay, you were Inde
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: and now you're living in New York, how does that
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: impact your your loyalty to your sports teams?
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: Because ronal gamble at all.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure you don't.
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: You can't, You're not, No, I just can't. You know,
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: when I was a kid, my brother, my older brother
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: was he ran a football ticket at one point when
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: we were in high school, and I was like, I
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: tried it, and I was like, I gave him like
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: twenty five bucks, which was a lot of fucking money
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: at that time, and he was like, yeah, you know,
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: with this parlay, you could do this and this and nothing.
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: I lost everything, and I was like, I'm not fucking
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: doing this. I'd rather set my money on fire. So
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to gamble. I have enough invested emotionally
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: in the fucking game.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: So who is your team now?
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: Well, I'm all teams.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't have any affinity towards the Knicks.
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: I have a soft spot for the Knicks because I
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: have so many friends in New York, and I think
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: when the Knicks are good, it's good for the entire
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: for all of basketball, right, But all the New York teams,
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: I have so many friends here in LA now I
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: have a sympathy for, Like, those teams need to be
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: good for all the difference sports those it's important to
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: have good teams in LA and New York. New York
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: doesn't make any sense to me. You have so much
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: fucking money. How can you have a bad team. How
• 29:09
  Speaker 4: can the Knicks be bad for now? They're good? They
• 29:13
  Speaker 4: need to win now, right, because they're actually set up
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: for that. I love Brunts and I think he's great,
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: So I don't know. I have a soft spot for
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: the news.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: I went to the Knicks game a few weeks ago.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: I bet some money on it. I was with a
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: new guy that I'm dating, and we won, and I
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: believe like the energy was in the right spot.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: I was like, we're going to go to the game.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: It's a home game, let's bet.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I mean, I wasn't my idea, let's be honest, But
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: I'm really into betting because that's the only way I
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: could pay attention to sports.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: I'm just not interested otherwise.
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: But also, you're not a Knicks fan.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: No, But I'm a New Yorker, like you know. At heart,
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: I'm from New Jersey and Knicks is my team. If
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: I had to choose a team, it would be the
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: New York Knicks. But I wouldn't say yes, I'm not
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: like some avid Knicks fan watching their you know, watching
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: their games all the time.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: I don't want to falsely represent myself.
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: You're not waking up in the morning and look at
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: the highlights of the game if you I.
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: Don't even know what site that was, you know what
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: I mean?
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah? Okay, so I mean that's I do that, not
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: only with my teams if I miss the games, but
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: like I'm sports, I get up in the morning, I
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: watch Get Up, I watch stephen A you know time. Yeah. Yeah,
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: so you're I'm a fanatic.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Europe and are your kids too?
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: My son is my daughter got into football. My daughter
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: is a writer. But she got into football because when
• 30:27
  Speaker 4: they started doing the documentaries about the receivers and the quarterbacks,
• 30:32
  Speaker 4: and she got to see behind the scenes, like hard knocks,
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: like what she got emotionally invested in football. So now
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: she cares about football because of the stories behind you know,
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: behind the athletes.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to get into the next portion of
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: this show, which is where we give advice to real
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: life callers. I'm sure you're going to be terrible at this,
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: but I want to ask you a question first.
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: Do you remember I'm really good at this? Yeah?
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: No, I bet you are.
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: You have too much.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: Like if you have this much life experience and you're
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: not good at giving people feedback objectively, then there's bigger problems.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: And since you got rid of all the main obstacles
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: in your life that were preventing you from really I
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: guess sitting still and growing up, then I guess you're Yeah,
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: you're prime.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: But can you remember a.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Piece of either really good or really bad advice that
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: you've received.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: Over the years?
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: Oh? Yeah, fuck yeah, what's a piece.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: Of really bad advice that someone has given you?
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: Sid This nun sister Judith Kapanman was her name. She
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: was the fucking Spanish nun. I flunked. I fled a
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: lot of things when I was in high school because
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: I only I could only care about the things I
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: was good at, which was smoking, drinking girls, that was
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: it so and being funny. So uh. She I'd flaunt
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: Spanish twice and the second time she said to me
• 31:47
  Speaker 4: I could still remember it. She was like, Leary, I'm
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: gonna pass you just so I can get you out
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: of this building, right And I was like, hold, okay, great,
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: Like is that a compliment? Yeah, that's what I thought,
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: And she goes, what are you going to do with yourself?
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: Nothing's going to you can't learn Spanish. You can't. You
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: don't apply yourself. You're never going to go anywhere. And
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: I was like, okay, She's like, you need to learn Spanish,
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: and I was like, man, not really.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: You don't need to learn Spanish for what you're gonna do.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: That's space, that's for sure.
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I just want you to know that I've been learning
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Spanish for about ten years and it's been a slow, role,
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: very slow, but it does feel good to.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: Be able to communicate in a different language.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: It makes me I felt like, for my life, I
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: don't want to go through this life not knowing another language.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: I feel like America is already too stupid, you know
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, out of respect for others, I
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: need to learn another language.
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: So how far along are you? About?
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Ten years in of light Spanish.
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you can have a conversation.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can have a light conversation.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I can't have like a political conversation, and I can't.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: You know, it's it's not going to be sophisticated. But
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: I can get I can get it from point A
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: to point B. If you and I were dropped somewhere
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: and in the Canary Islands and I had to navigate
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: our way back to the port and get us on
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: a place lane without you talking to anyone, we would
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: get it done.
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: Okay, I got it. My wife speaks a little bit
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: of Spanish, so you probably speak it like her. Perhaps
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: perhaps listen, I know some Spanish.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, calm down. It's not a competition. So I
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: asked you what the worst piece of advice is. That
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: wasn't the worst piece of advice. That was just someone
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: for rating you your teacher for being terrible at Spanish.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: So that wasn't advice. That was kind of a reaction.
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: Okay, Well, here's a great piece of advice that Andrew
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: Dice Clay gave me. When I first got famous. I
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: was doing a photo shoot for some fucking magazine. I
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: had just gotten famous. He's already famous, he's the Dice.
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: He's already he's been famous long enough that he had
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: the big thing where he hit and then he did
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: that movie and the movie bombed right Fort Fairlane The
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: Adventures of fo And by the way, I like Dice.
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: He's in a very nice guy. But I hadn't met
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: Dice at this point. So I was coming into the
• 33:55
  Speaker 4: photo shoot and he was just leaving, I guess from
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: having done it this lucky photographer YouTube back to back,
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: I know, back to back. Jesus, what a fucking a
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: couple of really fucking like Harvard graduates. Anyways, he goes
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: to me. I go, hey, man, it's really nice to
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: meet you. Bo. We had some mutual friends. And he's like, hey,
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: it's nice to meet you. Let me give you this
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: piece of advice. And I literally was like, okay, because
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: he's he's been. He goes forget the fucking movies. It's
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: no good, the acting is a dead end. Stick with
• 34:25
  Speaker 4: the comedy. And he goes walking down the stairs and
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: I'm like, that's not What the fuck is that? What
• 34:30
  Speaker 4: kind of advice is that to give to a young
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: guy starting out. Yeah, So it was just reflective of
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: his experience at the time. That was terrible fucking advice.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that sounds like he was pissed about what happened
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: to him and had no Okay, well, let's forget about
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: the bad advice then, and your mother just passed away.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: What was something that she told you or that advice
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: that she gave you, or something that she had said
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: throughout her life that you listened to.
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: She was an amazing woman. She came My parents came
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: here by boat, right, and they came here in nineteen
• 35:01
  Speaker 4: fifty from that woman. Yeah, from Ireland with very little education,
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: big huge families, the whole nine yeards, right, And my
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: mother was like on the cutting. First of all, she
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: was the boss, like she really ran the house. My
• 35:15
  Speaker 4: dad was always working, but this woman literally was on
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: the cutting as like civil rights, women's rights, gay rights
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: right down the line. She hated fucking Trump, She fucking
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: hated them. She felt like she had lived in this
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: country long enough to see everything happen in terms of
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: equal rights for people and women and everything. So she
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: thought saw what was happening with they were pulling the
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: country back to the way it was before she had
• 35:41
  Speaker 4: even come here. But her whole thing was like the
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: reason that we came to America is that you kids
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: could be whatever you want, you know what I mean,
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: which is an amazing thing for an immigrant parent to
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: say to kids, which is just go, like, you want
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: to go to college, Let's find a way to get
• 35:56
  Speaker 4: you to college. What do you want to be? Be
• 35:59
  Speaker 4: what you want to be because we didn't come here,
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: so you had to work, enslave and not enjoy what
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: you did for a living. And that's like that like
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: for me to go go like her and my dad
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: when I was like seventeen, and go like, yeah, I
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: think I want to be an actor.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: The easiest thing would be to say what are you nuts?
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: But instead they were like, okay, well let's figure out
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: how we could make that happen, which is crazy because
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: they didn't have money to send me to college. So
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: that's I always remembered that, which is it's such a
• 36:28
  Speaker 4: very stark, pure message, Like I say that to my
• 36:31
  Speaker 4: kids when they were growing up. I said, your grandparents
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: didn't come here so that you could end up not
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: doing something that you love.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: It's interesting you say that because my mom was an
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: immigrant also. She was from Germany and she married my dad,
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: who was not an immigrant, and when she came over
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: here like when I grew up, and I kind of
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: saw their dynamic and like how beholden she was to
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: him financially, and like, you know, all the responsibilities and
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: the finances were all taken care of by my father,
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: and my mom was for the cooking and the cleaning
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: and the caretaking and everything. I just remember thinking, I
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: don't want to be dependent on a man, and my
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: mom goes, You're so lucky that you have the option
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: to not have to deal with that, Like, you're so
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: lucky that you're growing up in a country where you're
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: able to pursue whatever dream that is imaginable.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: And my dream was I didn't even know what my
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: dream was.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to be heard and seen, and you know,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: it was pretty shallow to start with.
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to get out and to bloom.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: Like but what I've realized now after so many years,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: is that I've made a living by being myself, Like
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: bye bye, by just being myself. Nobody ever said that
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: was even an option growing up, right, And what many
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: of us do as comedians is to make money at
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: being ourselves. We're telling our stories, we're doing our thing
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: we're not putting on any acts or playing a character,
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: and that is really like unreal to think about.
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: It really is like for my mom or your mom
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: to see you and how you operate through the world,
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: and then my mom the same thing. Watching us come
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: up and actually realize our dreams and pursue our dreams
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: must have been like, wow, you are you know, this
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: is a different generation. We get to watch them now
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: pursue the things that they care about instead of just surviving.
• 38:12
  Speaker 4: But here's the thing, Chelsea, and it's again. You can
• 38:16
  Speaker 4: tell us to people, young comedians or young actors, whatever,
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: and they probably think it sounds empty because they've heard
• 38:23
  Speaker 4: cliched versions of it, But it's really true, which is
• 38:26
  Speaker 4: I learned that when I was very young, as I
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: think I was in acting school, when I saw an
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: interview with Richard Pryor, who was one of my I
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: think is the greatest comedian who ever lived, but he
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: was one of my heroes as a comedy hero. He said.
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: When he made the transition from being on the Ed
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: Sullivan Show, a clean cut version of him so to
• 38:45
  Speaker 4: being the real Richard Pryor, he said, I wanted to
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: become the guy that was in the living room with
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: my friends that Richard pryor the real Richard Pride. I
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: wanted to get that on stage and you couldn't do
• 38:58
  Speaker 4: that in the sixties and get on television and so anyways,
• 39:01
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh, that's what I want to do,
• 39:03
  Speaker 4: Like if I do stand up, I want to just
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: be the guy that I am in the living room
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: with my friends. Well, once you if you just operate
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: that way, if that's the truth you want to have,
• 39:13
  Speaker 4: that's what you did, you just get on stage and
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: you eventually work your way toward It's like you're it's
• 39:18
  Speaker 4: like having a conversation with Chelsea when you're in the audience, right,
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: because you can feel it's real. So so many people,
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: I mean you probably knew people like this too. I
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: knew so many comedians who were so fucking funny off stage,
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: but then their act was like this middle yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 39:34
  Speaker 4: So what are you doing?
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: I don't know what that is. I don't know what
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: that I don't know what.
• 39:38
  Speaker 4: The fuck it's like. It's like, you know, you're I know,
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: I don't get it. I don't I don't get it.
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: So I think being authentic is the key. And again,
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: like our parents said, why would you do it any different?
• 39:49
  Speaker 5: You know?
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I guess because we have the freedom,
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: or we had the freedom. Hopefully the next generation will
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: also have the same freedom.
• 39:56
  Speaker 4: Hey, is your mom still a lot?
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she died with your mom. She died years ago.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: My dad, my mom died. I have no sense of time,
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: so she's been gone a long time, probably almost twenty years.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: My mom has been dead.
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: How old was she when she died?
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: Young? She was like sixty three, sixty seven, sixty three,
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: I can't remember.
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: Damn, man, that's young.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she had cancer.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: And then my dad hung out forever and he was
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: a real well you couldn't wait for him to die.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: We were like, all right, let's wrap it up, wrap
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: it up.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: We had to get he had so many issues with
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: all these old age homes that he was staying in.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: He was sexually harassing the staff. He would grab people's butts.
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: We had to move him from one facility to the next,
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: and then we had to move him to a facility
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: that only had men working, which is very hard to find,
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: you know, and aftercare in those kinds of facilities. Yeah,
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: so he was a hot mess. But my mom told
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: us when she was dying. She's like, listen, watch out
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: for your father because there's a lot of shit you
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: guys don't know. And as soon as I'm gone, he
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: will reveal himself. And it was two weeks, two weeks
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: after my mother died that my brother sent us a
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: family thread. There are five of us on our red
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: brothers and sisters, saying, I just walked into our old
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: house thirty five morning side Drive, living studient Jersey, and
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: I found Dad and his housekeeper, Lousette. Losette was completely
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: nude cleaning the kitchen counter and Dad had his pants
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: around his ankles and was sitting on the couch masturbating.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: That was two weeks after my mom passed away. So
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: you know, on that note, we're going to take a
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: break and.
• 41:24
  Speaker 4: We're going to be right back. So often we're going
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: to be.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: Right back with Dennis Leary. And we're back with Dennis
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: Leary's here to perform.
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: Why God, that is so fun.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: His second season of Going Dutch, which is yeah, a
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: show where he plays a colonel and he it's a comedy.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: It's on Fox. It's in its seconds. You can also
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: watch it on Hulu. By the way, Okay, so Dennis,
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: this it's am I saying Hulu wrong?
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: Is it Ulu.
• 41:53
  Speaker 6: Ulu?
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: You could watch it on Ulu?
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, Dennis, we're taking calls from real life people, so
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: you need to ask.
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: You need to pay time.
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, I fucking pay attention. Read Catherine, what's up?
• 42:04
  Speaker 6: All right?
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: We're gonna start with just an email. This is our
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: one drink question and Dennis, I like, I was gonna
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: start with an easier question, but I think you can
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: handle this one.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: Dennis, you can have an OJ for this question.
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: Yes, So this listener, Elsie says, Hey, Chelsea, ancestry tests
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: really know how to spice up a family tree. I
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: recently found out that my half sister, who's in her fifties,
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: isn't actually related to me, meaning the dad we thought
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: we shared isn't. Her mom passed, and my dad, now
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: in his late seventies, has no clue. They've had a
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: rocky relationship in the past, but have been solid for
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: the last decade. She doesn't want to tell him because
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: she thinks it would break his heart.
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: I get it.
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: This was fifty plus years ago, his first of three marriages,
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: so clearly not his last surprise in life. But keeping
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: a secret like this until his death feels icky. Do
• 42:53
  Speaker 3: I respect her wishes or spilled the DNA T help me?
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: Wise one? Elsie Dennis.
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: Hmm, listen, I'm all. I'm one of those people who's like, listen,
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: you gotta fucking unbury the truth and get it out
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: in the open, because that's ultimately the best for everybody.
• 43:09
  Speaker 4: But I would I have questions. He's in his late seventies,
• 43:14
  Speaker 4: she said, yeah, she just.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, seventies. Yeah, so we don't know later, Oh yeah,
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: late seventies.
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: She did say late seventies. I mean, if he was
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: late eighties, I'd be like, I leave Malone late seventies
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: could probably handle it. That's my feeling. It is like,
• 43:26
  Speaker 4: get it out in the open. Also, does he hate her,
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: hate this person or like this person?
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: He likes her? They have a good relationship now, Yeah,
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, I.
• 43:35
  Speaker 4: Don't think it's going to take, you know, alter their relationship.
• 43:37
  Speaker 4: But it's not like it's going to kill her. He's young, Listen.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: I I disagree.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's there's any reason to bring all
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: that nonsense to the four.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: In the time he knew her, he thought that his father.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: It's upsetting news, it's not really relevant because at this
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: stage in the game, he is her fucking father, So
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: just to find out that his dead wife cheated on him,
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: is what's the point of that information. I mean, it's
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: important for the daughter to know because if she wants
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: to find her real father, then maybe she can. But
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's important for your dad, who thinks
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: she's her father, to know at this stage in the game.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: So I'm all about honesty and making sure you kind
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: of like air your dirty laundry. But in these cases,
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: the world is about to end anyway, Like, let's just
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: let's not blow up our families on our way out
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: the window.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: That's my story.
• 44:22
  Speaker 4: Listen. Can I just say this, of the two opinions
• 44:25
  Speaker 4: that were just offered, I would probably listen to I
• 44:28
  Speaker 4: would definitely listen to shelseas she's smarter than I am.
• 44:32
  Speaker 4: And she's a woman, Yeah, so listen to her.
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, woman to a woman.
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: Just I'm turning into a woman, but I'm not a
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: woman yet.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: Letlse it's a slow it's a slow roll, all right.
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: Well.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: Our first caller today is Alison.
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: She's located in DC and her subject line is help,
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: I'm trapped in the gym with RFK Junior, Oh.
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: And Dennis.
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: I pull this for you specifically because I know you're
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: like a Jack Kennedy de or. That's what you've always had,
• 45:01
  Speaker 3: and you even had a song about the Kennedy, So
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: this is for you, she says.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea.
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: I'm writing because I've been angrier than i'd like to
• 45:08
  Speaker 3: admit this past year, and I'm struggling to keep that
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: anger from bleeding into.
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: My everyday life.
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: Since the new administration took office, I've felt this constant,
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: simmering frustration, not explosive, just ever present. I try to
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: be functional, I try to channel it productively, and then
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: it shows up in the least therapeutic place possible, my gym.
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: Robert F.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: Kennedy Junior works out at my gym, which means several
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: times a week, I am expected to peacefully coexist with
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: the physical embodiment of my political rage while I'm just
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: trying to lift weights and associate. He's quiet, he's confident,
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: maybe too confident. He works out in blue jeans and
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: those unsettling.
• 45:45
  Speaker 4: Fucking guy bead eyes. Fucking guy they're working out with
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: the fucking jeans on go ahead.
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: Sorry, Yeah, that's a good and those unsettling beadiyes are
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: always present.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: It's mind boggling.
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: This is the cheapest gym in the area, so cheap
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: that at one point the air conditioner broke for five
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: weeks and we were all just expected to work out
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: in a semi dark sauna and accept it. Meanwhile, there's
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: a fully functioning equinox right next door. I don't say anything,
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: I don't do anything, but inside I'm seething. So my
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: question is this, how do you contain your anger when
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: it's justified, chronic and keeps popping up in places you're
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: just trying.
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: To live your life?
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: Is the answer maturity detachment switching gyms? Or is this
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: just the emotional cost of being alive and paying attention?
• 46:28
  Speaker 6: Right now?
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: Love?
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: Alison?
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: Hi, Allison?
• 46:32
  Speaker 6: Hey, how are you guys?
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: Hey Alison, that's Dennis Leary, our special guest today.
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: I think I'm very qualified to discuss this because I'm
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: an Irish person from Massachusetts, which is where he's from.
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: Obviously they were rich, we were poor, but we voted
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: for them. So first of all, I can't fucking this
• 46:52
  Speaker 4: guy fucking going to the fucking cheapest gym proves that
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: he's cheap. Number one number two working out in fucking Genes.
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: Fucking thing just trives.
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: Me too, So I can stand it. I cannot stand that.
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, fuck you you want to like, first of all,
• 47:08
  Speaker 4: why are you in the cheapest gym? Number one? Number two?
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: Is he there with his like security detail? Are they
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: there too? Are they outside? Oh?
• 47:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah, like full perimeter. I'd say there's like upwards of
• 47:18
  Speaker 5: like twenty secret service within this tiny little gym.
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: So there's no other way to look at this except
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: he's cheap and he likes showing off. And the other
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: thing is, you know, he fucking goes in and gets
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: that's a tan that he gets from Tanning Bets.
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, yeah, he tans this guy.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the health administrator of our country tans.
• 47:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I just I don't here's my here's my thing.
• 47:42
  Speaker 4: I don't know you at all. Obviously, my thing would
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: be I would just walk up, especially the mental state
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: that you're in, I would walk up and fucking have
• 47:52
  Speaker 4: a conversation, a real conversation about how you feel about things.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: I don't think that.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: Listen, He's been confronted so many times about his fa
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: and his views and his I mean, he doesn't give
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: a shit what anyone thinks anyway, so it's not going
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: to make an impact on him. First of all, I would,
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: but I would like to I would just to get
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: my rocks off. I would like to have a go
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: at him, first of all. Just some background information. I
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: bought RFK Junior's house in Los Angeles five years ago.
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: I did not know I was.
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: Buying it from him. It was anonymous. It was an
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: anonymous but his is in a trust. Mine was in
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: a trust. It was all private. I bought his house
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: from him and Cheryl Hines. I still have not lived
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: in this house. That's how fucked up this house was
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: the idea that this guy is in charge of the
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: health of our country when he didn't even have a
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: proper foundation at his house. When they unearthed, when they
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: opened up the house, they were like, this house is
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: the most toxic environment.
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: You cannot live here for at least two years. I'm
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: not exaggerating any of this. It is.
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: It was a disaster, and I didn't know it going
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: in because everything was, you know, under wraps.
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: So anyway, I have my own issues.
• 48:56
  Speaker 4: With our Oh my god, the money I would pay
• 48:58
  Speaker 4: to see you walking through the gym where he is
• 49:00
  Speaker 4: and have the conversation about the house that should be
• 49:02
  Speaker 4: a fucking He's one of the.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: Worst people that he really is.
• 49:06
  Speaker 5: I have really thought about it, Chelsea, because I've listened
• 49:08
  Speaker 5: to your podcast for a while now and I know
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: this story and I see him all the time, and
• 49:12
  Speaker 5: I'm like, what did you do to Chelsea's house?
• 49:14
  Speaker 4: What have you done?
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: I mean, three people just coming in and said this
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: house is cursed.
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: Hey, you know what we should do, guys. We should
• 49:22
  Speaker 4: start an army. Beginning with the three of us. We
• 49:25
  Speaker 4: should start an army of people, famous and non famous,
• 49:28
  Speaker 4: people who at various points in the country will come
• 49:31
  Speaker 4: up to him and go, what the fuck did you
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: do to Chelsea's fucking house?
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: How could you sell us this house?
• 49:39
  Speaker 4: How could you sell Chelsea handle that?
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: In the last week of inspection, they came in. I
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: finally like, everything's been redone reade read. They're like, oh,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: there's an a there's a unit he has, like a
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: little outdoor storage unit that's been there since I bought
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: the property.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: And they're like this is illegal, and I'm like, oh my.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: God, so now we have to remove his illegal bullshit
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: from my property, and I'm like, how did they not
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: find this upon the first inspection.
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: But anyway, I would move gyms.
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to even be exposed to that kind
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: of negative at Like he's so negative that whole vibe
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: being in DC is probably really negative. But I would
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: totally move jyms, go to Equinox. Why are you at
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: the cheapest gym? Is it a money issue?
• 50:18
  Speaker 5: I mean I could swing it. I just prefer like,
• 50:21
  Speaker 5: that's where I want to go. It's right next to
• 50:23
  Speaker 5: my house, Like, I just have convenience there. I like
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: it there, I can swing, I can swing to Ox.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's better.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: I think you should leave him a message, or you
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: should let him know that you're leaving the gym because
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: of him, and that you're not the only person and
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: be like, I'm so so I can't believe that I
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: joined a gym, and then I had to see you here,
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: like you are the embodiment of everything that is wrong
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: with this administration and you are sickening. And also, what
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: the fuck is wrong with Chelsea Handler's house?
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's right, ps, motherfucker, what the fuck did you
• 50:55
  Speaker 4: do the Chelsea Handler's fucking house?
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and they had the audacity to leave me a note.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: Cheryl Hines left me notes saying let us know if
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: there's anything we can do for you.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: Chelsea.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, how about a fucking foundation. That's something
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: you could do for me.
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: Anyway. I'm not angry about it or anything. I'm totally
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: over it.
• 51:14
  Speaker 6: Five years of your life.
• 51:15
  Speaker 5: I'm going to get you some answers. That'll be my
• 51:17
  Speaker 5: swan song.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: But change, James.
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: Always take yourself out of a situation that's gonna make
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: you angry.
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: Yes, better for your blood.
• 51:25
  Speaker 4: Pressure, doctor, Chelsea Handler, there you go.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: All right, thank you, Allison, thanks for calling so much.
• 51:32
  Speaker 6: Bye bye.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to take a break and come back
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: with another caller, and we're back with Dennis Leary.
• 51:42
  Speaker 4: I love your breaks. Your breaks are so fast.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: Well yeah, they're so fast because I mean I need
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: you to continue to pay attention, you know what I mean.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: We're already struggling, Catherine. What do we have to close
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: out today's episode.
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: Well, we have Jennifer who is writing in and she's
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: getting into comedy. So Jennifer says, dear Chelsea, two years ago,
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: I started doing stand up open mics, whenever I could.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: I absolutely love it.
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: I love making people laugh, and I also love telling
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: stories about my family. My partner of twenty years and
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: my boys are supportive. It's hard for them because I'm
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: away from home on some weeknights trying to get stage time.
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: I haven't headlined anything yet, but I'm still working on
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: a solid fifteen minute set. I write jokes every day,
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: and I work on delivery, timing and stage presents.
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: So here are my questions.
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: How do I handle the clicks and egos of other
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: comics so I can get on stage. I'm running up
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: against venues that have their favorites, and no matter how
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: talented you are, you aren't getting stage time. I want
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: to be polite, but assertive, and not burn a bridge
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: at a club either. Do I set up a YouTube
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: channel with sets from my open mics. I would have
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: to have my twelve year old help me do that,
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: since I don't have a clue how to do it.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: How do I balance the need for laughs every few
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: seconds within storytelling? Most of the literature estates that you
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: need to find something original and do that. It's twenty
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: twenty six. Comedy's been around since before the written word.
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: The only thing original I bring to the table is
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: my interpretation of things. I am completely unhinged. How do
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: I exploit that in comedy and still be relatable to
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: the mainstream? Or should I just not care what the
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: mainstream is and just.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: Do my thing?
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: And am I too old to even start down this road?
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: You're amazing, and I'm trying to get everything arranged so
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: I can see you on tour. My kids have a
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: negative review with most sitters, so it's a struggle. Thanks, Jennifer.
• 53:19
  Speaker 4: I like that.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: Hi Jennifer.
• 53:22
  Speaker 7: Hi, God, guys, God, it's Dennis Leriat Jilsea.
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: At the same time, it's like a three second it's
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: just kind of against the law. They don't let us
• 53:33
  Speaker 4: do it very often. How old are you?
• 53:35
  Speaker 6: I just turned fifty one.
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: Oh listen, fuck, anybody could do it. Zarna garg is
• 53:41
  Speaker 4: a great example of somebody later in life who raised
• 53:43
  Speaker 4: her kids and then started doing stand up comedy. I
• 53:45
  Speaker 4: think when they were teenagers or something. Oh yeah, forget
• 53:49
  Speaker 4: about that. That doesn't matter anymore. Number one. Number two,
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: it sounds like you're actually mentally you're already on the
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: right page, which is, you know what, fuck the mainstream?
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: You just got to do what you have. Like we
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: were just talking about this a few minutes ago, me
• 54:01
  Speaker 4: and Chelsea about just be yourself. That's I mean, that's
• 54:05
  Speaker 4: the best comedy wise, that's always the best thing writing
• 54:08
  Speaker 4: wise as well. So fuck the mainstream who gives a
• 54:10
  Speaker 4: shit about that? You should just do what you want.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say intentionally, like you said, you're unhinged,
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: that's great.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: People like that.
• 54:17
  Speaker 4: People like unhinged.
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: I would exploit whatever the most outlandish part of your
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: personality is.
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: I would take that and just put that. You know
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: what I mean. That's what separates you from other people,
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: is I mean?
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: And listen, Yes, comedy has been around since forever, but
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: your take on it hasn't been around forever. So while
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: while subject matters may overlap and people may discuss the
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: same things, like people are always talking about dating and
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: fucking and people who are cheap, or they're talking about politics,
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: or girls are talking about guys who are terrible.
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: In bed and terrible at paying and blah blah blah.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: While all those things can, like you know, overlap and
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: be kind of ongoing sagas your take on it hasn't
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: been out there, you know, and if you're if you're
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: unhinged and you want to really like be something original,
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: focus on that. Don't focus on getting as many people
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: the mainstream aspect of it. That's just kind of a
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: fool's Errand you have to find people that are going
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: to respond to you, and you be as much of
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: yourself as you can, And I think that's where the
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: rewards will come in and you'll start to see some
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: gains from your work, like an original when somebody when
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: I see someone original on stage, I'm like, wow, I've
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: never seen that angle before, you know what I mean.
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: So there's always a new angle to be had.
• 55:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's very true.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: And being fifty one like exploit that talk about the
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: fact that you couldn't you didn't have time to get
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: around to this until you've fucking had your kids, because
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: you're a woman and you've been put under too much
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: pressure your entire life to be the perfect woman. And
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: now you're here, you're a little late to the game,
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: and you're fucking pissed about it because you should have
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: been doing this all along, you know what I mean.
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: There's a whole storyline. Just keep adding on to that
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: aspect of things, you know. I like disgruntled. I like comics.
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: You get up there and are angry and pissed and
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: just want to go off. I always find that very amusing.
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: Regarding the internet question, I would go TikTok not you YouTube,
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: and unhinged plays very well on TikTok, like kind of
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: the more unhinged you are, the more attention you get.
• 56:06
  Speaker 6: That's a good point.
• 56:07
  Speaker 4: True, all true.
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: How are you getting stage time if you can't find
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: a sitter for your kids.
• 56:13
  Speaker 7: I have a partner that will stay with them. The
• 56:16
  Speaker 7: youngest is eight, the oldest is twelve, So they're almost
• 56:20
  Speaker 7: to the point where they won't set the house on fire.
• 56:23
  Speaker 6: So it's close. We're getting almost there.
• 56:25
  Speaker 4: We're almost there right here.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, he can help you, and we can put
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: him on speed dial, and if anything happens to your house,
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: Dennis will be right over.
• 56:33
  Speaker 4: That is I'm really better in a fake fire than
• 56:36
  Speaker 4: I am in a real fire.
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's very good at house calls, do but not
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: with regard to fires.
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: Do you talk about the kids on stage? I do.
• 56:45
  Speaker 6: I do.
• 56:45
  Speaker 7: They're they're a little crazy as well. They're both adopted
• 56:48
  Speaker 7: to so it's a completely different story.
• 56:51
  Speaker 4: That oat having your kids that's an endless supply of material.
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, adopted, you could return them? Is that an option?
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 56:58
  Speaker 6: They'd asked if they can and.
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: Be well, that's that's good too. That's all material. Everything
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: is material.
• 57:06
  Speaker 4: It's all material.
• 57:08
  Speaker 6: Okay, I thank you so much. I appreciate that.
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and don't think about age as the number. Think
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: about it as like an avenue, you know what I mean.
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: This is my in I'm fifty one. This is how
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: pissed I am that I have to do stand up
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: comedy to get my rocks off, you know, like I
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: you know, I could have a nice, quiet life, but no,
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: I want to disrupt.
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: The other question that I wanted to bump back up
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: is like handling the clicks and the egos of the
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: other comics and getting stage time.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: Do you guys have advice on that?
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: Listen man, getting stage Yeah, you just have to really
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: be persistent and consistent to get the stage time. And
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: obviously there will be people that are on your side
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: or people that are not on your side, and those
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: are easy to suss out right away. But as far
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: as other comics go, like, it's important to kind of
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: form a little you know, get some groups going, or
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: make some friends because people are always doing small shows
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: and smaller shows that you can get stage time in,
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So you want to be
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: friends with comics, but if you're feeling like people aren't
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: welcoming of you, I really just like cut out that noise.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: I used to go into the comedy store when I
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: was really young and would get and I would just
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: walk in, do my set, and walk out.
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: Like no socializing everything.
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: It's a different story now, but when I didn't feel
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: like I was welcome, or I felt like I was
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: being judged, or people were jealous or whatever the feelings were,
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: I just didn't expose myself to that. All I cared
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: about was doing my set and leaving.
• 58:26
  Speaker 4: And by the way, the funnier you get, just it's
• 58:29
  Speaker 4: human nature, especially comedy human nature. The funnier you get,
• 58:34
  Speaker 4: the more fucking people are gonna get jealous comedians of you.
• 58:38
  Speaker 4: So don't even fucking worry about that shit. Find like
• 58:41
  Speaker 4: Chelsea's right, find your the friends you find that you
• 58:44
  Speaker 4: get along with in that scene, fuck everybody else.
• 58:48
  Speaker 6: You know, that's a good point.
• 58:50
  Speaker 7: I was told by one male comic that said, as
• 58:53
  Speaker 7: soon as you get on stage. Because you're a female,
• 58:56
  Speaker 7: everybody tunes you out and I was like, for you're
• 58:59
  Speaker 7: it actual?
• 59:00
  Speaker 4: What what fucking year is he living it? Are you
• 59:03
  Speaker 4: fucking kidding me? Oh my god?
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, welcome to the future. Yeah, yeah, I would. And
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: what did you say.
• 59:10
  Speaker 4: Back to him?
• 59:12
  Speaker 6: I just said, you're an asshole? Yeah, you know.
• 59:16
  Speaker 7: Basically, it was like, I do have a group of
• 59:19
  Speaker 7: guys that I do things with. It's just you know,
• 59:22
  Speaker 7: finding the time to get out with them as they do.
• 59:25
  Speaker 6: They do small shows and stuff like that.
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: So so just do as much as you possibly can
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: with the time.
• 59:29
  Speaker 4: That you have.
• 59:30
  Speaker 6: Sweet. Thanks guys, I appreciate it.
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: Awesome, Thank you, Jennifer. All right, thanks for calling in.
• 59:36
  Speaker 4: Nice to meet you.
• 59:37
  Speaker 6: Nice to meet you too. Bye bye.
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: I If she plays her cards right, she too, will
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: be recording a podcast from Whistler, Canada.
• 59:46
  Speaker 4: Can I ask a question? Can I ask a question? Yes?
• 59:49
  Speaker 4: So do you live in Whistler like part of the year.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, in the in the wintertime, I base myself out
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: of Canada and in the winter time because I like
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: to ski.
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: I know, you love I know, you know, I love
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: to ski.
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So basically you're up there, what from Christmas until.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: Probably like April. But I'm about to go on I'm
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: about to go on tour.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: So but I'll be coming in and out of Vancouver
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: rather than in and out of la which isn't that
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: big of a difference.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I like my little life up here. It's
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: a nice trend.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: It's nice juxtaposition from my life in Los Angeles.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 4: So, you know, in order for Whistler's beautiful.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's beautiful. The snow isn't really cooperating right now,
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: but that's okay.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: I can get by. It's a very homey, you know.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: I work out a lot in my house here. I
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: read a lot of books. I've got my dog here,
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: I have friends come and visit. I have a lot
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: of sex here. Everything's fine, you.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 4: Know what I mean.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: So well, I am so excited about you becoming a woman.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: I am so excited about the second season of your show.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: I love you, Dennis. You know that I love you.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: I have strong affection for you.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 4: I love you and your sister.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: And my sister. We both love you as a family.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: And it shows on Hulu or Fox.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: Guys Going Dutch, It's all the episodes are available on Hulu.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, season two. Okay, Dennis, I'll see you. I'll see
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: you on the flip side. Hopefully I'll run into you
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: somewhere very soon. I hope I catch you smoking a
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: fucking cigarette.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 4: Can you imagine?
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: No, I never know. After this conversation, you better never
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: smoke again.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 4: I hope I never smoke again. I don't think I'm
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 4: gonna No, you're not going to, but you never know.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: No, you're not going to. You're not going to.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 4: You never know if my brain can click off of
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 4: cigarettes like that, I'm afraid like tomorrow, I'm walking down
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 4: the street and my brain goes, guess what, we're gonna
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 4: start smoking again?
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 2: Or yeah, well, maybe it'll click off something else.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: Maybe maybe just think about things you're gonna keep getting
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: rid of instead of thinking going in the reverse direction.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 4: Well, kind of what's left to get rid?
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 6: And drinking are gone?
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: Drinking?
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 4: Are sure?
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: You have some other bad habits? Maybe you can stop
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: going to the bathroom. Also, goodbye Dennis.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 4: Leary, Bye Chelsea.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: Bye, Okay, guys, I am officially on my high and
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: Mighty tour. March thirteenth, Cleveland, Ohio, fourteenth, Columbus, Ohio, March fifteenth, Cincinnati, Ohio,
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: and then March twentieth is Denver, Colorado. March twenty seventh Portland, Maine.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: March twenty eighth, Providence.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: Rhode Island.
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: March twenty ninth, Springfield, Massachusetts. April tenth is Chicago. I'll
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: be at the Chicago Theater in April eleventh. Indianapolis, Indiana.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: April twelfth Louisville, Kentucky. April sixteenth is Albuquerque, New Mexico.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: April seventeenth is Masa, Arizona. April twenty third is Kansas City, Missouri.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: April twenty fourth is Saint Louis, Missouri. April twenty fifth
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: is Minneapolis, Minnesota. April thirtieth Nashville, Tennessee. May first is Charlotte,
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: North Carolina. May second is Durham, North Carolina. May sixth,
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: I'm doing Netflix as a joke festival. I will be
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement, along with
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: Atlantic City May fifteenth, Saratoga, California.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: May sixteenth, Monterey, California.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: May seventeenth, Modesto, California, and then June fourth.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: Portchester, New York.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: June fifth is Boston, mass And June twelfth is Portland, Oregon,
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: and then Seattle is June thirteenth, So suck on that, everybody.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: Go to Chelseahandler dot com for tickets. If you want
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 3: Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 3: Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 3: Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find full video episodes and
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 3: minisodes now on Netflix, and get tickets to see Chelsea
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 3: live at Chelseahandler dot com