Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / How to Love Yourself

Transcript

How to Love Yourself · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it is morning, afternoon, or evening, I want to just say thank you.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for taking time out of your day to spend here with me.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: So today we are going to be talking about ways that you can engage in self-love.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is a topic that's near and dear to my heart because it comes up a lot in terms of people really recognizing that they don't truly love themselves, but then not also understanding what self-rel what self-love really is.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of times people equate self-love with spa days or uh nail uh salon visits, which, yeah, of course, those are ways to treat yourself, but there are definitely other ways to engage in self-love.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so today I just wanted to talk about how we can find things to love about ourselves.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, most of the time, if we're gonna be honest, as humans, we're seeking love from outside sources.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: We seek it from our spouses or our partners, children, family members, friends, coworkers, even.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's a different type of love, but we we're looking for some type of acknowledgement, acceptance, and love.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And seeking love from the outside does it feel natural.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: We're relational beings, after all, as humans.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's honestly how we we received it as children.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: We relied on our caretakers to uh create a sense of safety and to show us affection.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And truth be told, that is what um really devel helps develop our attachment styles is how we received that when we were younger from our caretakers.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: However, a lot of times what happens is we don't really outgrow it.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: We don't outgrow this need for acceptance, approval, love from someone else.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so we're consistently looking outside of ourself for some type of validation, for that um affection and acceptance.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And while being a relational being, you know, as humans or relational beings, wanting that connection with others makes sense.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: When we are consistently looking outside of ourselves for that feeling of love, we are really actually outsourcing our sense of self to some outside source, which therefore, if it's not there, we actually never receive it because we have absolutely no control over it.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: So if we're just gonna get back to the absolute basics, what even is self-love?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Self-love involves feeling a deep sense of appreciation and acceptance for yourself.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: It means that you truly accept yourself completely, you think about yourself most often in a positive way.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it doesn't mean that you disregard your imperfections or your faults or your shortcomings, it's that you understand that they all of those things, all the parts of you, uh make up your true self.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And from there, you can treat yourself with kindness and respect.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: You can recognize that even with those imperfections, you can learn from them and grow through them.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it allows you to truly treat yourself with compassion and meet your own needs and also be self-forgiving.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: It is the foundation for confidence, for self-esteem, for self-leadership, and it allows you to set boundaries, which we talked about boundaries for several episodes previous to this.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: When you have a deep sense of self-love, you can also then set boundaries in order to meet your needs.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: You are able to meet criticisms of others as well as overcome your own self-criticism.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: It releases people pleasing and allows you to notice when a relationship might be toxic and release it sooner rather than staying in it.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oftentimes, when there's a lack of self-love, people will find themselves in toxic relationships that I have a really hard time exiting out of because they don't truly honor and know who they are.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: So loving yourself really means committing to personal growth and to having overall a positive view of yourself.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Again, this doesn't mean that you're always, you know, you're not Pollyanna and having a positive outlook on yourself all the time.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: It just means that overall, the majority of the time you're not putting yourself down.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: That inner critic is not running the show almost 100% of the time.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it, you know, self-love does involve how you treat yourself, but it also involves the thoughts and feelings you have about yourself.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I was referring to the inner critic.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's about recognizing how you talk to yourself, it entails you know, leaning towards a more positive outlook on the thoughts and emotions that you have from a majority of the time.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's truly impossible to think positively all the time.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it's you're never gonna feel all the quote unquote good emotions all the time.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: But self-love is really just about asking for help when you need it, being able to be vulnerable with the people that you truly feel emotionally safe with, and accepting responsibility for things maybe for mistakes or outcomes that you don't like, learning from them and growing through them, and then really being grateful for your own personal strengths and the choices that you make, being grateful for the fact that you're showing up each and every day.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: People who prioritize themselves in in terms of prioritize this concept of self-love will end up having better a higher emotional and mental health as well as physical health.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because when they are truly engaged in practices of self-love, they tend to also take care of themselves and really pay attention to all of their needs, not just emotional but physical as well.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's truly more than what you do.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: It is how you think.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: It is about how not so you're gonna be, it's about taking the self-affirming acts, right?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's about, you know, taking time to be present in this moment, it's about taking the five minutes that you need to maybe enjoy your cup of coffee or your cup of tea.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's an act of self-love.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's about um paying attention to how you're talking to yourself, but then leaning also into the thoughts that you're having, because thoughts create lead to feelings and emotions which lead to action, which then lead to a result.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: So when we have self-limiting beliefs, or we're leaning too far into our false beliefs about ourselves, like I'm not good enough, or I'm not valuable, or I'm I don't belong, or I'm not worthy, those are all examples of false beliefs.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: When we lean into those, we're not actually engaging in self-love, we're putting ourselves down, we're allowing the inner critic to take over, and what ends up happening is our emotional and physical health ends up taking a toll.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you find things to love about yourself?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, one of the very first things is letting go of the idea of perfection.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's no such thing as perfect, and I think a lot of us, and I I can attest to this as being somewhat of a perfectionist myself, is that when we hold, we can hold on to striving to be as good as we possibly can, putting our best effort forward.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: But when we hold ourselves in to unhealthy perfectionism, where it where we get actually when we actually become paralyzed by things not being perfect, that's when we are not acting in accordance with self-love.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that we really can engage in to find ways to love ourselves is to stop the comparison train.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: It is so easy to compare ourselves to the next person, but it's really important to slow it down and to recognize that each one of us is on our own chapter in our own lives.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: We're writing our own narratives and our own stories.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: There's we need to start really engaging and releasing this idea that we have to compare ourselves to somebody else if we're really gonna find ways and things that we love about ourselves and engage in self-love.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Letting go of others' expectations is a really big one.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: When we are overly concerned with what people think of us or what they expect of us, it's really hard to feel like we're ever gonna be quote unquote good enough.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's another way that if we can release that, we can start finding things that we actually love about ourselves.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we need to allow ourselves to make mistakes and recognize that we can learn from those and we can grow from them.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: They're all opportunities to keep evolving and growing, being open and vulnerable with the people that we do feel emotionally safe with.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's another great way to engage in the practice of self-love.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then, of course, gratitude.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about this often on this podcast.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Gratitude is a very important practice because what when we're crack when we are practicing gratitude, we are actually becoming more self-aware of what's happening in our current world, in the here and now.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And when we do that and we allow ourselves to recognize what is going well, we are naturally creating a more optimistic outlook.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And from that place, we are able to engage in what we actually can appreciate about ourselves and therefore grow our self-love that we have for our own individual person.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you are struggling with self-love or want to talk more about how to cultivate a strong relational self-awareness, really rekindle that relationship with yourself in order to have that solid foundation to grow into healthy relationships with others and move forward professionally.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm always available for you to book a call to talk about what one-to-one coaching could look like at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.