Latest / Blue Grit Podcast: The Voice of Texas Law Enforcement / #027- "I Had 6 Tourniquets On Me"

Transcript

#027- "I Had 6 Tourniquets On Me" · Blue Grit Podcast: The Voice of Texas Law Enforcement

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: When the impact happened, i actually got launched to an embankment and I knew my right limb was gone.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: I decided to start talking to our family counselor and eventually we started talking to our psychologist.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I was very respectful of my coworkers.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I didn't ask them any questions about what they saw, if anything, i was just thankful when they would come see me.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I didn't see what they saw.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: Hey, tnpa Blue Grit, It's Klemick Nier.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: We are back this week.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: We've got.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, tyler Owen, yeah me, yeah, tyler, you sure Yeah that's it.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: That's my name.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Tyler Owen.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: We'll confirm that before we get too far into this.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: That's Tyler Owen.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: It's a little early this morning.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: We've got a good, uh, we've got a great episode today with a guest We're honored, honored to have on.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Before we get started, hit like subscribe, hit the bell down below to get notifications And uh, everybody that's continued to watch and and loyal listeners, we, we cannot thank you enough.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Um, tia.
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Shout out to Nathan man.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: Uh, he's an explorer.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: He was with Travis County.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: He actually told me that he graduated last week, lives down in uh, is it up in Bastrop?
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: Is Bastrop North?
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: It's actually East West of uh, west of Austin, up in off in Off in.
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, cause I'm I'm new to the area.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: I don't live in the Republic of Austin, i live south, near my partner over here.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: I'm down in the San Marcos area.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: but shout out to that kid man.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: He's a good kid, he's about.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: He's, i think he's a junior in high school, but uh, he's a huge podcast, blue, blue grit fan.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: And uh, anyway, he just graduated the the Explorer program.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: We need more, more kids like him.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: Yep, 100%, yeah.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: So anyway, we had a uh pretty important guest on today Sam Marcus, now newly promoted promoted corporal.
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: Is it pronounced Cormier?
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Cormier.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: Cormier, corporal Cormier with the Sam Marcus place department.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: That flows good, that sounds good.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: I like that.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds French.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: Yep, hey, welcome on.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: I appreciate you coming on.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Good morning.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Thank you for having me, absolutely.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: Uh, had her come on, she's got an incident that she's going to talk about.
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: Um, that's uh pretty inspiring.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: I've been following her since 2019.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: that, uh, we wanted to kind of talk about.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: So welcome on the blue grit podcast.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate the invitation.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely Right now you're actually in CID.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Yes, Yeah.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: And you drove up from Sam Marcus, which I'm currently living in, so we're kind of, i guess, technically neighbors right now.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: She actually informed me, clint, that, uh, where I'm living at in the, in the area, i need to kind of watch my back, yeah, which is crazy.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: I got my trucks.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: That's going to say So you can get struck.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah So check this out.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: So I'm relocating Austin.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: I get my truck stolen in Cedar Park.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: I leave the keys in it, uh Fob, yeah, key fob, not keys.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: But I get my truck stolen in Cedar Park.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: I moved down to not and that was not in Sam Marcus.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: Let me be clear on that.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: I don't want you getting back and getting in trouble by your administration.
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: I was not in the city limits of Sam Marcus, uh, but anyway I was a Cedar Park get my truck stolen.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: And now I have moved to the outer C limits of Sam Marcus.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: I'm in Caldwell County So I need to kind of be aware of my surroundings.
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, lock, hide and take.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: So now I've got to contact her and her husband.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: Are both law enforcement contacts?
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: So I've got some contacts Your truck gets stolen.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely Welcome on the blue grip podcast.
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: Appreciate you.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Tell us about where you uh grew up, who you are and uh who you are as a person and uh how you got introduced to law enforcement.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, good morning to everyone.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: My name is Claudia Cormier.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I um originally from Laredo, texas.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I was born and raised there, but I actually spent a lot of my summers in Mexico.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: So that was that was great, to be able to have my family on both sides of the border, and from there I graduated high school in 2003 and I came up to go back go to college at Texas State University from 2003 to 2007.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Um, there I was like, okay, what do I do now?
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: So that's when I decided to.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: I was like I need a job right after college.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Like I need a job, uh, let me see what I can find.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I knew I wanted to do something in law enforcement.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I just didn't know where, which way to go.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: So I applied with the St Mark's Police Department and I was hired on in July of 2007 as a dispatcher.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I was there for eight and a half years and then I got hired on as an officer in 2016 and I've been an officer since 2016 with the same department.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I met my husband there in 2010 and we got married in 2012.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Moved to Kyle, we have twins from his previous marriage teenagers now and we have three dogs a tortoise, a bearded dragon, a ball python, and my husband is now a ball python breeder.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: He actually retired from law enforcement after 22 years and he has over a hundred snakes.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: And a parter in a pear tree.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, wow.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: So yeah, that's a lot to take in with pythons, twins, tortoises and a retired cop.
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: After 22 years, you are a busy woman.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Yes, very much so.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: His business keeps us a little bit busy.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Over a hundred snakes we got to clean and make sure they're fed.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: So I help him out here and there when I can.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: God bless you.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: I am scared to death.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, clients definitely snakes, Yeah bad.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: They're actually really good pets.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: They're very calm.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: You just hold them.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: That's his emotional support animal that he keeps around.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: That's what he calls it, and I was like that's fine, i'm not scared of snakes.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: An earthworm is too close to a snake for my that I can't believe.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: That scares the snot out of me.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: They're in their own building.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: So they're, they're happily ever after in their own building.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: We, i have the house for me and my dogs, and my husband has the snake shed for him and his.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: The snake shed.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: The wildlife preserve.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: Can you do any tricks like on demand?
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: No, Golly.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: That's crazy.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: You don't have any comments on that.
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: Clint, i'm a little bit scared right now.
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: Blue grit listeners, take note Clint McNeer is speechless right now for the first time of knowing and be a speechless.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: He has nothing to say on this.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: Damn little scared right now.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: Wow, alrighty.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: Well, so you became a cop, a full-time peace officer for the San Marcos Police Department, you said in 2016?
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: .
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Yes sir.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: So you started off in patrol, obviously, how was what?
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: what?
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: what was it, like you know, ftl in there in San Marcos.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: Obviously you went to San Marcos or Texas State University.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: You know, i lived in a town that I worked in.
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: What was it like you know, working in a town that you went to college in?
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I honestly loved it.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I know everybody says no, you don't want to, you don't want to work where you live, but I actually loved it.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I enjoyed San Marcos very much.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: It's where I grew up.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Um, it's expanded, It's grown so much and it continues to grow.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: So I loved it, and I that's when I also realized I didn't know my town very well.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: I was like Oh my God, i didn't know everything going on, yeah.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I lived on campus most of the most of the time there.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: So when I moved out and I finally got a real, they say on a dole job.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: It's like Oh okay, this is what it's like.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: So I loved it.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: It was, it was great And, of course, i was in a department where I'd already been there for eight and a half years, so I feel very comfortable.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I was very happy to.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, i know these people, i know these officers, i trust them and I know that they're going to do what's best for me.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: They're going to help me get to where I need to go in my so what year did you go to Texas state?
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: I went from 2003 till 2007.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: So I got to ask this question, and maybe it's just me because I'm, i think, differently the most.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: No, this is funny.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: So you went from Texas state in 2003, 2008, 2007.
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, when he were a cop on the street, did you?
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: did you run into anybody that was still attending college?
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Oh yes, absolutely.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Are you kidding me?
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: They still hadn't graduated in 10 years.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm actually also an advisor for my sorority on campus.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: uh, stigma, lambda, gamma.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: So I see I would see my sorority girls and I would see everybody from the council around.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: So they were very respectful.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: They were still very happy to see me.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: So that was good, That was a good time.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, they're behaving.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: But I mean like, like and and, and I'm not talking about people that are obtaining their doctorate.
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: I'm talking about people who were still obtaining their bachelories, that were still living on campus.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Some of them were still living on campus.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Some of them went back and home and they would go back and back home, live with their parents, come back.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: So, that was also like well, i mean I, i knew I had to do it, and four years I was on a full scholarship.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: I got you.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: And my family was also very much of a.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: Well you left to go to college.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: You better graduate.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: So so I'm visiting like a Frank the tank kind of guy, like living on campus doing the two credits of semester or failing out everything, okay, so you're talking about people that are actually you know.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, i get a huge, huge law enforcement supporters at Texas country music artist Mark David Manners.
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: He says Texas tech is the best 11 years of his life.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: He does say that.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: I've heard that come out of his mouth.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: I have heard that.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: He was on the 11 year plan.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: I think he said he's a, now a junior.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: I think he said 11 years ago.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm sure that was kind of interesting, i guess working the streets and so forth, i guess going to Texas state, but but you, you obviously enjoyed it, i mean.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: It was great.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: It was a great experience.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: I loved college.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: I actually went back recently into in 2020.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: I was accepted into the master's public administration program, nice, and so that's where I'm at right now.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I should be graduating next May 2024.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: So someday, instead of corporal Cormier, it'll be city manager Cormier.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Maybe one day that's awesome.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I look forward to Thank you.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: That's awesome Going to Texas state and then being a police officer for the Samarkas police department is it?
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: does it give you more pride, i guess working for the department and then, you know, having a tin in college there at Texas state is there.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: Is there more pride, i guess, being being a part of that department and being more involved in that city?
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I feel very.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I feel there's a sense of commitment there.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: There's a sense of family, because you do get to know everyone.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: Um, at first I was like no, it's, it's a small, it's a.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: it's a small city, but even then it's grown so much but you still keep in contact with everybody.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Um, i, i loved it, i've always loved it, being up here, ever since I.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: I'm like I said, it was small but it's also grown so much and Samarkas continues to grow.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Um, but there's a sense of commitment, there's a sense of family there, where I know everyone, and the community has always been fantastic to our department, to me at least.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Um, even before my incident, i always felt a great sense of relief, like I can, i can connect with a lot of the community members here.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and knowing now that you did attend at Texas state, i now it, probably it makes a lot more sense of the connection that you had with that community, uh of really the impact and the commitment it had towards you and and the outreach that you know you had.
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: So if you want to, you know, talk about uh really that day and and kind of we'll dive off or delve uh of kind of the impact uh the incident to you know that took place.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Absolutely So.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Well, i actually, you know, i just live the same.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: You asked me if I ran into people that were going to college.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I actually ran into some professors after I graduated and they saw me in uniform and that was reassurance for them as well.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: That, hey, thank you for what you did for me as a student.
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: I'm really very thankful, especially my professors in writing.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: They were just fantastic.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Took the time to print out my research paper, highlighted with a red pen, like old school, not just Hey, i circled some stuff on Microsoft Word and send it back to you, and so that was.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: that was actually reassurance for them to to know Hey, i, you know this is me as as a professor, i did a great job and I told them that thank you for what you did for me while I was there and now I'm back.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: So they were, they were not, they were not shocked to see you in uniform.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: They were very proud of me and I thought that was great, right I wanted.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: I was very happy that I could actually show them.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Hey you, thank you for everything you've done for me.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: That's cool.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, cause me and Clint, when they saw our our high school or our instructors they were afterwards, they were shocked to see us and it was not.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: It was not the warm welcome, i assure you.
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: So that's, that's great.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I figured we'd always be dealing with law enforcement.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, they were like those are the problem, kids.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: But that that I mean, that is pretty cool for your professors.
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: Uh, you know, to see you in uniform and to see the impact and and to see, i guess that they're the old, you know, they're the honestly they're the legacy of what they're they're they're teaching, you know, to see the, the legacy that they did, that they're coming through Texas State University and now they're on the streets of San Marcos And I mean, i guess me as a professor, if I was one, uh that'd be pretty neat for me to watch, yeah.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Absolutely It was.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I think it was my way of telling them thank you, thank you for what you've done for me, for my family, because, of course, this degree it wasn't just me.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: My family was always there, supporting my husband, my kids.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: because it does take time away from my family.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I need to, i need to go into a room by myself to study, to read.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: So I told them thank you so much.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: Uh, we we're all very thankful for the dedication you had.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: Um, and then, of course, um, we get into the, uh, my incident from that night.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so well, here we go.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Uh, a little bit about the incident um May 18, 2019.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: It's not just significant for me, but it's also significant for my coworkers, for my family.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Um, we all have a different, it impacts us differently, but a little bit about it.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: it was about approximately 9 45 PM when I responded for a report of debris on the roadway.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Um, that's when the impact happened.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: So, um, when the impact happened, i actually got launched to an embankment and I knew I had I was.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I knew my left, my right limb was gone.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Um, i knew when I tried to get, i was going to try and get up And then, of course I picked up my legs and we have the typical law enforcement the O snap.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: And then when I saw that that's when I I just told myself, i got to say what I have left.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: So I started crawling up the embankment.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Um, i realized my radio wasn't on me.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: My radio had come lost, myself won't probably, you know with the impact.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: uh, it was somewhere on the highway so I couldn't call.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: So I just started crawling up the embankment and I started flagging down people and this is where I truly believe that God was there too, and my father, who's in heaven.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: uh, the first person that stops out to render aid is a nurse, a trauma nurse.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: So, uh, jessica Flores, who I will always be very thankful for, uh, once she got there, and of course I, um, fortunately and unfortunately, i didn't lose my earpiece, so I could hear all the radio, traffic and I heard everybody coming to my aid, including my husband, um, so, once everybody got, their tourniquets were applied total of six tourniquets.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Uh, I know, in law enforcement we train, we, we talk about these tourniquets, but, yes, they do hurt.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: We're always like no, let me see how far I can go.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: They, they hurt, they very, they're very painful.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: It's probably the most excruciating pain I've ever felt.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Um, the transport to the hospital, uh, i know a lot of people have asked you know, do you wish you would have, you know, lost consciousness?
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: and no, i don't, even though it was a lot of pain.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Had I lost consciousness, i probably wouldn't be alive today, because I remember just telling myself I have to stay in the fight, i have to stay here, i have to crawl, i have to find help.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Once the transport happened, that's when I started relaxing in the ambulance, i started saying my goodbyes to my husband and then, once we got to the operating room, i was like, okay, i'm going to die.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: So I had actually started praying a long time ago.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: But then when I told the surgeon, just let me go, it's okay, he was like no, i got you.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: And then I felt him hit me on my neck and I was like, oh my God, did he just try to knock me out?
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: Well, later on I find out he was trying to find a vein.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: I had lost so much blood that he just decided to and he had.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: It's crazy.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: We talked after this.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: He has the same philosophy Do good, do bad, but do something.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: And he said he just went for it.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: He was like I couldn't find it, so I just stabbed you in the neck and I got lucky and I remember the hit.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my God, this, this, this jerk just hit me.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: He's trying to knock me out.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to die and he knocked me out.
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: Um, but when I said go ahead and let me go, i didn't mean beat me to death, i guess so.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my God, he just knocked me out.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: And so, of course, i wake up and I'm looking around and I heard my husband's voice Hey, you lost your, your right leg.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: And I said I know I was there.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: And and and later on.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: Typical cop response Uh, i was there, and so later on.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, Oh my God, i'm such a I'm a terrible person for saying that to him.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: But then I start asking questions.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: As far as I could feel a lot of uh, i could feel my something on my face, i could feel something in my arms And, for those that don't know, i actually had, um, my right arm was had multiple lacerations.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: My face has a laceration, i actually have a ball spot And if you look closely, i have a scar that goes, uh, from my eyelid all the way to the top of my head.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: Um, so there was a lot of, um, of injury.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: There were a lot of injuries.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: So I asked my husband am I disfigured?
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: And he's like no, you're not.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: I said, please don't lie to me, just give me a mirror, i'm fine with it.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: And he goes you're not disfigured.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: And of course, i could feel I didn't even know they could stitch up an eyelid.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: So that's where I was.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Just I was like, oh my God, i'm.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: How, how bad is it?
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Uh.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: But then, after that, then came the column.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: They said, okay, let's, let's talk about this.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Um, and the the best thing that happened was that the community responds.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: That's what I was talking about being friends, uh, living in San Marcos for so long be 20 years this year that I, i started living in San Marcos.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: Uh, the community, the university, everybody coming to us, not just for me but for my family, that was fantastic.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: That was probably the best blessing I could.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I could have gotten out of this.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: Um, not in the law enforcement community, everyone for all.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: First responders, not just you know, i know we we have our typical disagreements with fire, ems, but they were all there for my family And I think that was the best thing for me, because I knew that they probably didn't know what to do, what to say.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: And same thing for me.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: I was like well, i'm here on cloud nine, you know, in a coma, but what about my family?
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Who's talking to them about this?
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Well, i'll eventually talk about it.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: But my family was probably the most, the most concerned for me, not just because they were unfamiliar with first responders.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Um, i come from a background I have.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: I have two other siblings.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: My brother was in the military, of course.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: He was deployed a couple of times, but he came back.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Um, my sister's in the military as well, but she is um, she's right now she's stationed in Georgia.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: But me, i was one of the first traumatic incidents for my, for my family, so that was very important for me to talk, to have support there for them, and that's where I'm very thankful with Texas state, my professors, my all, my, um, my classmates that I knew, uh, my sorority, our law enforcement community, fires, EMS, everyone came together for this And that's probably, like I said, that's been the best thing about this whole incident.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: When, when you got knocked to the embankment and you're kind of down it sounds like down a hill You you realized your right leg was gone.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: You visibly, i guess, saw it or just could feel, or you were fully aware What caused you to, not what caused you to climb back up.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Pick yourself up, climb up the hill.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Was there some training?
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Was there something in your background, or is that just who Claudia was and how you were raised?
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: pick yourself up and let's, let's move.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Cause me trying to put myself in that predicament and looking down and seeing my right legs gone.
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, i'd probably laid there like a baby and hope somebody come along, or I mean that's, that's freaking badass stuff.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: Is that?
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: was there a piece of training?
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: that?
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Is that just who Claudia was?
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Or is that your background or your family Is there?
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Well, it actually comes back to training.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: It really does.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: So it comes from two people Our, my former.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: He was our, he was one of our commanders at my department and then he was my uh, my instructor at the police academy, randy Holmes.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: He had this exercise where he had a half a gallon of milk and he poured red paint in there and he was telling us when you get shot, this is you bleeding out.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: And you started pouring the gallon.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I remember we were at firearms training in the academy and he's just pouring it out.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: And he would stop.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: And then he'd be like you still got, you still got to, you're still in the fight.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: And then he would once again start pouring out.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Take a pause, you still have time to fight.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: So all that he's like you see, all this time you have to fight.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: And he had his time.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: And I wish I could remember how long it was for him to finally pour out the gallon, but the half a gallon of milk.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: But that stayed in my mind.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: And then we also have, um, sergeant Cluel, who he teaches us the let's check ourselves, make sure what's going on.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: And so I I don't know why, but I was looking for bullet holes, maybe because we trained, hey, let me check myself.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: So I started checking my neck, my body, and then that's when I was like, okay, body camera's gone, cell phone's gone, radio's gone, and oh, no, the leg is gone.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: Uh, but right there.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: And then I said I got to get help, i got to get back.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Something told me I got to save what I have left.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: I have my arms.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I hadn't even seen the laceration of my arms, so I think that also helped me not see anything of the trauma that, unfortunately, my coworkers had to see, um, including my husband.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: So that actually helped me to where, okay, i'm not seeing anything, leg's missing, but I'm alive, i can, i can function, so and I could hear the radio traffic.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: So I actually I was like, okay, i got to climb this and I did pretty much a military crawl.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Well, i was crawling with my arms, pushing with my other leg, my left leg, which was actually in five pieces, so it was probably adrenaline keeping me alive to where I didn't feel anything.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: Um, the only thing I felt, honestly, when the impact happened was like a carpet burn.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: That's why I thought, all right, i'm solid, i got this.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: And then, oh, no, there's, there's no leg there.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Uh, so maybe the fact that I didn't see anything, i just I, i I didn't see what I mean, but I didn't see anything.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: I didn't see any blood.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: I saw my pant leg and that was it.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, where's my other boot?
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, it's not there.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: All right, we got to move And the lights on the highway that was my only goal Get to the lights.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Get to the lights.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I actually crawl under my, my, my patrol car because I didn't want to get hit again.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: And that's when I started screaming and trying to wave people down And fortunately, uh, the trauma nurse, uh, jessica Flores, was the one that she said something didn't feel right, just same thing.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: She said she had instincts and she said something didn't feel right And I just knew I had to get out.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: And let me tell you this she was coming back from a wedding.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: She was dressed in a very nice dress and high heels, and I heard her screaming.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: I got you, i'm a nurse, and she's just running in high heels And I'm like, am I, am, i, am I seeing this right?
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Is she running in heels?
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: That was my concern, i guess, being a female.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh she's running in heels.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: It's wrong, they're just going to have blisters for weeks.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: But she ran up to me in a very nice dress And I mean that's probably the first time I may have seen some blood, because unfortunately her dress got covered And she started making um tourniquets out of t-shirts.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: When she got there, she, her kids and her brother actually gave her t-shirts and she started making the tourniquets.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: So that's where I was like, okay, well, let's see.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: You know how much, let's see what happens.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: And I just that's when I started praying.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like, if I die, i at least want to say my prayers.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Um, and that's when everybody got there And I was like, all right, everybody's here.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Once the tourniquets came on, i can honestly tell you that's when I, okay, this hurts, stop it, this hurts Well it sounds like you got sent an angel in heels.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: I mean that's, that's, that's amazing.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: A trauma nurse is the first person to show up.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: She she is, and she was actually one of my care nurses at the hospital, at uh, cedan hospital, uh, so I got to see her plenty of times.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: She got to meet my family, so we got to see her again.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Um, we've gone to see her again and the, the surgeon that saved my life that night.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: I've kept in contact with them Cedan, uh, sentient Cedan hospital.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: It's just fantastic.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I mean, they've become a second family to my family as well.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I always I try to visit them as often as I can during nurses week, try to text them Hey, i'm fine, and I'll, of course, i think it's important for them to see, um, just like my professors, the reassurance of how they held.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: It's also important for them to know how important they are and the impact that they've had, not just in my life, but a lot of first responders, um in general.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: But so I always try to send them videos when I achieve a new milestone.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: The first time I got up, i got a.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I unfortunately I was in a wheelchair for a long time, but the first time I stood up on my on my one leg that was in five pieces, i sent them that video.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: When I started walking on my prosthetic, i sent them that video.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: When I, now that I have a running prosthetic, i've sent them those videos, just so they know.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is because of you, it's, it's a huge part because of you, that's amazing.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: That's absolutely amazing.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: Freaking badass.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: She's a badass.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, i mean I can't.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: uh, i go back to laying down the embankment.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: I I hope I would have done half of what you did or had half the testinal fortitude to plow through and push through, because that's a bad situation to be in.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: How long did you spend in the hospital?
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: total?
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: So I was in hospitals for three months one month at a sentient seat and then two months at a transitional care facility.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: So three months total.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: I was away from home.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: And that's where I can honestly tell you.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: That's where a lot of things started sinking in like Oh God, life has changed.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: At first I was like, okay, i'm alive.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: And then that height kind of started not um, not decreasing.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: But it was like all right, we have a new reality here.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Now I'm an amputee.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: What are we going to do with this?
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: And the first thing that my husband and I had to do was forgive each other.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, we weren't there.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: We got to move forward with this.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: We can't stay stuck here.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: So that's when we decided to start talking to our family counselor.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: And eventually we started talking to our psychologist, because we knew it was going to be very traumatic for us to even function after this, for him to go back to work, and then our coworkers as well.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: What I did do I was very respectful of my coworkers.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: I didn't ask them any questions about what they saw.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: I didn't even read reports, if anything.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: I just I was just thankful when they would come see me.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: I knew it was hard for them, but I didn't know how hard it was for them because I didn't see what they saw.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: So I was, i was very mindful of that.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: So the three months that was actually in even though I wanted to go home, I knew I wasn't ready to go home There was a.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: There were a lot of things that I needed to learn being on one leg, and even then I still couldn't walk or step on that one leg because it was still in five pieces.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: So there was a lot of rehabilitation, there was a lot going on to where, okay, these three months, let's make the best of it, let's heal mentally, even let's let's heal mentally and physically.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: So that's it was.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: It was three months away from home.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, so I guess we can pick up on the the mental side, the mental health aspect of it.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: So obviously, the physical aspect, your, your rehabbing at the hospital, and that takes time.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: The body does amazing things, but I don't think, i think law enforcement is finally catching up to the mental health aspect.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: We're trying to navigate through the mental health in the last probably 10, 15 years more, or the last five, but let's touch on the mental health side of this.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: What did that look like for you, your husband, for the department?
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: I can only imagine for you, i mean just for you, mentally.
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: Again, this story is inspiring.
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: I followed it, clint's followed it.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: Give us kind of a timeline of kind of what it looked like for you, uh, emotionally, mentally and so forth.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: Well, the first thing we did after probably a week in the hospital, that's when we decided to contact our family counselor and say can you come help us?
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: And that's when and she was actually the most helpful person because once she heard what happened, what we were going through, she talked to both my husband and said guys, this isn't a marriage problem, This is a trauma problem, and I will be here, but you all need to find a trauma psychologist.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: And that's probably the most helpful hint that we even had, because we were like, wait a minute, she's right, This isn't something we're just going to, you know, we're talking to each other.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: She said you are, and that's great, but this is something out of my, my realm.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: She's like I think y'all should seek a PTSD trauma counselor.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: So we were like, wow, thank you so much.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: And so that's what we talked to our coworkers about, very briefly, because, like I said, we also want her to be respectful and it takes time.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: My husband I'm not going to say we heal at the same time.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: We were going through counseling at the same time, but I know we were healing differently, different angles, same thing with my family.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Like I said earlier, I actually come from a very culture, um, uh, a family that's very how can I say this?
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: Um, based on a lot of cultural, you know, barriers, a generation barrier.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: So we had to attack that a two by being respectful also and just telling them Hey, let's talk about this whenever you're ready.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: So that's the first thing we did in the hospital when we moved to the transitional care facility.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: We would try, we would welcome anybody They wanted to come see us for as long as they wanted to come.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: You just want to come for five minutes?
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: If you don't want to come at all, that's fine.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: If you just want to text, because that was also very different for them to come see me, the changes And I was still healing, Unfortunately, I still had a lot of bandages, a lot of stitches And for me I was like, well, that's, it's still me, but it's very different for somebody that saw you And I guess the best word is mangled, That's what I was described, that that I was mangled And I wanted to be very respectful, Like, okay, if you don't want to come see me, that's fine.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to say I understand, but I see why you don't want to come see me, Um, so that was that was.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: that was my time on there.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: You know what let them heal, let them go, let them be whenever they're ready to come talk to me about this.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: And the reassurance was when they did start coming to have lunch with me.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: It was not just one or two people, It was groups of people at the hospital, The same thing, The hospital, the same thing.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Groups of people would come see me, would come talk to me, Um, and when they eventually said so what's next?
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, great, They're.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: You know, we're moving along.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: It's a slow pace, but we're moving along.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: When I got home, that's when my husband, I, started looking for a PTC trauma counselor, because we knew being at home is like okay, now we're not in a controlled environment anymore, We're back in our home, where we're going to have to make a lot of adjustments.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Uh, so that's where we, that's what we proceeded to let's find a trauma counselor and work this, work our way through this.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: Prior to the incident, where you, you know we all have that the officer, uh as bubbly and outgoing, and the and the life of the party, where you kind of describe yourself prior to the incident to kind of give the listener or the watcher viewer, uh, just kind of outline you as your, your personality prior to the incident.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: That way they kind of understand who you were, because if you were an introvert or a quiet person then maybe people really wouldn't come around as much as it makes sense when I'm trying to I've always been an extrovert, an introverted.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: I guess I'll have my moments where I need some time for something, but other than that, i've always been an extrovert.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Um and like I said, i think moving away from my hometown uh, to you know, just okay, let's do this, i got to know if I'm going to fail or not That probably was is a lot.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: What really helped me and my father uh, you know, resting piece, my father, a fantastic man, but he was.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: He was actually raised in the streets and he had a lot of good points.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: When I would tell him about something that I wanted to complain about, my my father would right away put me in my place.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: He's like look, you have no idea what the word need is.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: My father was raised single parent in Mexico, uh, with six siblings, and so he said you have no idea what the word need is.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Number one you're American.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Number two, he goes uh, you're educated, so you're fine.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: And I I actually I don't remember this, but I would like to share this.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: When I woke up from my coma that day, uh, my husband says that I told him I saw my dad.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: My dad came to, actually, i went to my dad And my husband's like what, And I don't remember saying this to him, but apparently my dad was playing soccer and I went up to him and he said you're going to be fine.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: And then my dream.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: And then that's when I woke up from the coma and talk to them.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: So you know somewhere there.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: But no, i've always been an extrovert.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: I like to have fun, i like to talk to people, i love I'm, i love listening to music, i love going out.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: But um so that's also for people not coming to see.
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: Seeing you at the hospital was uh, it was bloating, i guess, is what I'm trying to say.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: Okay, it was not, that that's.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: That's how.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: That's really out of the norm.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: It was.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: It was a little bit disappointing, but then I said to myself well, they probably need time.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I can't make everyone travel at my pace, especially with trauma.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: I know we I think we've all we all can agree that it takes time.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Everybody heals at their own pace And I had to be respectful of that.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Our department as well had been through a lot of trauma.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: We had, we had, our first line of duty um, uh, lot of duty death in 2017.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: And I know we were still navigating through all that Like, how are we going to heal?
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Have we talked about this?
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: And then mine happened in 2019.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: Um, and then, unfortunately, almost a year, uh, almost a year, uh, my incident.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: We had our second line of duty, a dear friend of ours.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: So all of these events, you know it, it piles on.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: So we had to find a way to navigate through this, talking about it or just ourselves.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, let me go talk to someone about this And then, when I'm ready to talk about it with people, which is what my husband and I did We need to talk about this amongst ourselves first, see where we need help, and then we can talk to other people about it.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: That was very important for us and especially we did not want to cost any of my carers trauma to anyone else.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: They didn't need to know the details, they didn't need to know the gore.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: They just needed to know what we did to, you know, to achieve resiliency, which is very important in our family now.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: You bring up a great point that it's taken me a lot of years to figure out Is understanding and respecting that everybody grieves differently And just cause your spouse or a friend doesn't grieve.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: The way you grieve doesn't make it right or wrong.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: Everybody grieves some of sadness, some is anger, some is you know, go go hit a punching bag or go to the gym or you know some it it comes out as mad or or sad or whatever.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: But everybody grieves differently And there's not a right, right way or wrong way or the proper way.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: Everybody does it different.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: And for the listeners, i guess, to clarify, your husband at the time was in law enforcement, heard it all.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: Did he make it to the scene?
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, he did.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: He was there.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: He was actually trying to keep me Like.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: He kept talking to me the whole time And I remember I kept telling him no, it's okay, you're going to be fine, just let me go to sleep.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I wanted I said I was sleepy, but of course obviously you know the blood loss was causing me to become tired.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: But he was the one that kept trying to talk to me and the ambulance the same thing.
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: He kept trying to talk to me And my concern was Oh God, i'm like turn your body camera off.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: I don't want people to see me like this.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: I was still like I don't want people to see me like this.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Of course everybody had seen me, but he was there the whole time.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: The hospital.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: He actually lived with me at the transitional care, which the staff was actually very happy that he stayed with me.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: They're like we don't mind, he can stay here.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: I was like okay, great.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: So he lived with me the all three months in the hospital and the transitional care facility And then, of course, at home.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: He took off about six months to be at home with me Just to help me in the initial recovery, because then I started physical therapy, but it was still very different navigating in a wheelchair.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Then COVID hit.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Of course, it delayed more things, but it actually gave us a lot of time to heal mentally, to make sure that we were ready, even amongst each other.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: He actually told me one time he had a flashback where I looked at him and he saw blood on my face And I didn't know about this until he told me about it way later And I said, okay, are you okay now?
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: He said yes, but I think I still need to.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: We still need to talk about a lot of things.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: So that's when we continued our sessions with our, with our psychologists, to make sure, okay, i don't want to have be having these dreams, these flashbacks, some things.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Obviously something's wrong And of course, there were triggers, but we wanted to make sure we were navigating through these things through the appropriate channel, not becoming, not adopting like the same bad habits, like any kind of addictions or anything.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: Anything that was not going to be productive to us, healing mentally and physically and for our coworker's sake, like, what are the core needs doing?
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Are they're now alcoholics?
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: Is like that would not have been good for them either.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: I wanted to reassure them as well that the work they did that night is the reason that I'm here today.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Well, and we roll up to hundreds of traumatic scenes all the time.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: Not often you roll up to a traumatic scene and it's your spouse lying there.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: That's, that's a that's tough.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: That's the first that's tough, Yeah, it's a.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: It's a different level of trauma And that's one thing my husband and I I I didn't pressure him to talk to me about it because I knew I didn't know how he felt.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: I knew he felt helpless.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: That's one thing he did talk to me about.
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: But I also wanted to make sure that I gave him his space.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: Just like you know, marriage, typical, wife, husband Okay, i know you need a different time.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: I know you need.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: You need the TV on mute, or you just have the TV and you're just flipping through the channels, but your mind is somewhere else.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: You're not, your body's in the living room, your body's not watching the Astros, but your mind is somewhere else.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: And for me it was more of okay, well, let me go to the, let me go to my office, read cards, read notes, letters that I had received from so many people across the nation.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: So that's where we did We were very much a team to where, okay, you need your space.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, i get it And I need my space.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: This is what I will do.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: But, yes, i can, i can.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: Like I said, i can't even imagine what that was for him.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: Well, two things.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: You said team, but we needed space, And I think that's important, because every spouse, every relationship, just because somebody may need space to process or do something different, doesn't mean we're not still a team.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: I may just need to go figure out how to navigate this, but I respect that you guys consciously thought through how do we work through this together, How do we not affect anyone else or our coworkers, And that you wanted to do it the right way, because the easy thing to do is go to the liquor store and grab a handle of whiskey or, you know, just run across the border and go gamble for three days and be stupid.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: And tons and tons of respect And I hope a lot of people listen to this episode about the conscious effort decision y'all made to work as a team, respect each other's space, respect each other's different way of grieving, respect that other coworkers may, because you hear all the time like somebody's passing away.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't want to go see them like that because I want to remember them as this image.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: Or I don't want to go see her because it's going to freak me out to see that she's damaged and rather than you being like, Oh okay, well, screw them if they don't want to come, Even in the predicament you're in going Hey, I understand, understand it.
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: I admire incredibly the way you and your husband have handled this Well.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: Like I said it was, it was a lot of also support from our family and our coworkers And I will say the reassurance was that they never stopped checking in on us just to know how, see what we were doing, what we were up to.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: And you know, you've, you know, you've hit the jackpot.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: When they start sending you MPT videos, it's like, oh, they're okay with me being this way, this is the new me, and then eventually you know our humor and law enforcement eventually it moves to funny MPT videos which I'm like.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is this what I'm going to look forward to.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: They're going to do this, they're going to they're going to steal my prosthetic while it's.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: You know, it's somewhere behind, and so that's where I was like okay, how soon, was that.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Probably within you know, within a year.
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: Okay, I was going to say like weeks Sit sit, cop humor, oh yeah.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: Well, the cop humor, that's what it comes you know, with the tourniquets, where we're all like we will never play again with those things.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: Those things hurt.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: It's like that's when I was like I, you know, i have a different respect for them because they they they haven't heard, you know.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that's that's when I knew, okay, we're, we're going the right direction.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: It's just taking us different time and everybody's in their own path, because we don't.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: We also, like I said, we don't know what everybody's going through personally, not just because of a long fortune and career, but personally there's things that affect them And, like I said, we had our line of duty death in 2017, our first one, and we were still trying to heal from that.
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: So that was, that was like I said.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: That was very important for me.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: And when I started receiving those videos and my husband when he went back to work, when they started asking them and I'm going to say this very, not to offend, but very personal questions, and even though it's a predominantly male environment, i like the fact that they approached them just said how are you doing?
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: When do you ever hear men checking on men?
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, very rarely.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: So I was like, okay, we've hit the jackpot.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: They're, they're ready to talk, they're giving him that space to just breathe, um, especially at work.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: When he went back, um, he was like I don't know what to do, i don't know if I can do this, And I'm like, well, i'm at home, i'll text you, i would check in with them, i would.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I would cause I learned how to drive with my left foot Funny story that we'll talk about later but I would go, i would go up there in my wheelchair and check in on him, checking on everyone.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: And that's what they also liked, uh, because I was also known as the cook, not just as an extrovert, but as the cook of the department, so I would take food up there, like, okay, claudia's still her, she's missing a leg, but it's still her.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: Um, and even then, like the conversations when they started getting a little bit better, is when they were asking so what does Claudia look like?
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: What does her limb look, like Her residual limb?
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: And I know a lot of people were less too personal.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: But the fact that they want to know and how are y'all doing?
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: How are you healing?
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: It's like, even though I know a lot of people were like, well, isn't that offensive?
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: They're asking very personal questions.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: I said we work together every day.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: You know there there's a lot.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: There's a lot that goes into working with these people every day.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: You get there's.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: It's a family, you you are brothers and sisters And the fact that they were comfortable with asking these questions.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: Not just that.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: I know a lot of people say what's morbid curiosity?
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: I didn't, i didn't see it that way.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: I saw it as okay.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: They want to know, they want to make sure they're respectful And if it is curiosity, i mean we're all cops, we're, we're very curious.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of curiosity in all of this.
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: Well, in going through traumatic events, i've seen where people don't know what to say And so they disappear or pull back because they're like well, i didn't know what to say and I didn't want to ask her, you know, or you know, i don't want to walk up to somebody that's missing Like me, like Hey, what's up, how you doing?
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: And and so you have people disappear from your life because they're like well, it was just easier not to have to have awkward silence, or I didn't know what to ask.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: Well, i, i, i, like what you just said.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: I'd rather you come up and ask an awkward question At least I know you care or you're interested then disappear because you're afraid of what you might see, or you don't know what to ask, or you don't know what's appropriate to ask.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: I'd rather you be involved than disappear.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: Yes, And, like I said, it was very I think it helped my family as well know that a lot of people they were still very interested in what was going on and what.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: What's therapy like?
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: What do you do there?
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: The X-rays a lot of people are actually curious about the X-rays of how my limb looked like.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: I said it was in five pieces, the left leg And so I didn't mind showing that because there was nothing to worry about it.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: That's where I also did draw the line.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: I will be honest with you.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: I did not want to give them any kind of like.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: They don't need to see blood And I and I completely said you know what, if you want to see that, you know where those pictures are, but I don't recommend seeing them because I myself I've seen a few pictures.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: Just it was for me to heal.
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: But I will say this I had already been through counseling for three and a half years before I decided I want to see pictures of the scene And of course I wasn't there anymore.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: They didn't take pictures while I was there.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: I have never seen my body cam video and I don't think I need to.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: I had been interested in it for a long time And eventually, when I went through my counseling sessions, i lost interest.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: I said, why do I need to see that, why do I need to hear it?
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: And so that's one thing.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: I don't look, i really I've kind of just put that in the like no, i don't think I need that I've seen.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: I've only seen pictures of what the scene looked like, the measurements, and I was like, oh, this is this, is it?
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: but unfortunately in this they didn't find out till way later.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: Is that where the measure, the measurements, were taking our collision investigation team.
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: I actually didn't land there.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: So I was like, well, they actually didn't know.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: I landed in an embankment and crawled back up.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: So I was like, well, i don't need this, you know they're going to be.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: This is, this is just where I crawled up.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: So I, i, i only browsed through them one time.
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: I read reports, and even then I was like, well, i don't need to read these, this is what they went through.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: I need to be respectful of what they've been through.
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: They want to talk to me about it.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: I'll wait.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: If they don't ever want to talk to me about it, that's fine too.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: They've.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: They still come around.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: They still show me funny videos, they're happy to see me And that that's all that matters at this point.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: Um, i still go through my sessions with my psychologists just to make sure, or anything.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: if anything that comes up, any triggers, i want to make sure I address them.
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: Um, so that's one thing that I've I've been very conscious about, and my husband too.
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: I'm glad you just mentioned triggers.
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: Uh, because some we have a lot of younger watchers or listeners.
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: Um, can you, can you kind of touch on what a trigger might look like or what, what, what, what a trigger experience is?
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: uh, because a lot of listeners or younger law enforcement people may not understand kind of what that looks like or what that feels like, especially with PTSD.
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: Uh, because we're starting to notice that Clint just went through an experience, john Serega is a VP with cop on our excuse me, he's on the board with cop line And so there's kind of an experience going on with a, some mental health going on with, uh, the experiment going on with cop line, with the mental wellness, with the.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, um, concussions and repeated concussions and seeing what TBI does to cause or exacerbate um post traumatic stress and you know, just repeated concussions add to contribute or one of the causes of it is that what causes or manifest a lot of the suicides and cause CTE that we see in the NFL and things like that.
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: And so, as we're, as we're starting to see younger law enforcement guys be exposed to PTSD, and so what?
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: what would a trigger, i guess you know, look like to a to a younger officer?
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: if you can kind of touch on that, or maybe if you don't want to, that's fine.
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, it was so it could be anything.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: I mean my example for my, my incident was, um.
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: so when I was in the ambulance, of course, all I could see was a ceiling and the lights in there.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: But for some reason, one day in my kitchen, when I looked up at the lights, they resemble the ones in the ambulance and I just completely like, oh my God, i'm back in the, i'm back in the ambulance.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: And it took me a few seconds and my husband noticed it and I said I just looked at our lights and it looks like the ambulance.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: And he said you want me to change him?
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: I said no, let's, let's pause, let's breathe.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: And I, i informed my psychologist of this and that we were actually going through EMDR therapy.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: So and if, if anybody wants to know what that is, look it up, it's I.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not very well versed in it, but I, it worked for me and it might not work for somebody, but uh, we went through a session of EMDR and it helped a lot.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: So now, now my husband's changing because he replaced my.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: He actually um, this whole thing for our anniversary, where I have my pots hanging off the ceiling, but those lights are gone now.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: But when it first happened, it just reminded me of the ambulance right When I'm just um riding there laying, laying in the in the stretcher.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: He'd say my goodbyes.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: And I told my husband don't change him, hold on, let me.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: Let me, let me see why.
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: And it's just when they came on, something about them flickering, because in the ambulance the ride was kind of um, of course bumpy and I'm like, okay, that's what happened.
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: So he actually just changed the bulb but did not change the lights completely.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: Um, so that's one thing.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: Another thing was, um, there's a there's actually a musical video that it.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: This happened about a year ago.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say which I have, which I hadn't had a major trigger in a while, but um, a year ago, uh, there's a song and I can't, i believe it's called to step by Ed Sheeran.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: There's a video in a musical video where there's a bus or a bus coming at him and the lights and it looks like it's going, he's going to get run over.
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: That sent me back to the scene of the accident And so I I saw the video ones and I was like I can't see this again And that one really did.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: And I'm going to say this because I didn't know this.
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: My husband actually has anxiety.
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: I had never felt what it was like.
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: I didn't know what it was until my, my critical incident where there's a tightness in the chest, you can't breathe, you want to go And of course I couldn't go anywhere.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: I'm there on the ground with six turning gets on.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: So that caused me major anxiety and my husband same thing, as like what's going on?
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: I said that video I can't watch it.
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: So I'm formed my psychologist.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: We did an EMDR session, we talked about this And then, probably about two days later, i went back and I watched the video and I said, okay, now I know what.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: What it did to me.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: Just the lights took me back to where the scene of the incident happened.
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: So something like that.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: I know it can happen with smells.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: I haven't had that with with touch in.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: Anything can happen, but to me it happened with those.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: I can that.
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: I can recall probably those two times.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: What did happen that was very interesting was when I was going through one of my EMDR sessions, i actually felt the turnic gets camp come back on my body and that I started coughing.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: I started choking on my own saliva doing one of my sessions and my psychologist is like, are you okay?
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: And I said the turnic is came back on and she's like, well, you don't have them on.
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: Just, you know, look at yourself.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: So things like that that can happen And it takes me back to the accident, but it doesn't take me there for a long time, which that's when I knew, okay, i'm getting better.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: And now when I drive by the, the area where it happened.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: I don't go back to it, i just like, oh, it's just, it's just that, my own marker, but I don't focus on it, i don't think about it, it doesn't take me back there anymore.
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: I know when my husband he said it still did probably a year ago, but most recently.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: Since he doesn't have to drive by it there anymore since he retired, he doesn't think about it as much.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: You seem extremely well adjusted, like if somebody didn't know they would think this was 12 or 15 years ago.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: You seem extremely comfortable in your skin, who you are, where you're at, what you've been through, what life looks like now.
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: Incredibly comfortable with that.
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: What was that?
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: a?
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: was that a multiple months deal?
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: Was that a couple of years deal?
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: Or are you still a work in progress?
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: And it just looks like a, a perfect, beautiful package on the outside, or cause?
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: I mean literally, if I watched this and didn't know I would think this was 15 years ago.
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: cause you seem, really you seem, to have navigated it very, very well.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: Well, no, i'm still a work in progress.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: I can honestly say that I we actually just went through our to my fourth a live anniversary and I can tell you for me it's I'm alive.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: But I don't celebrate it so outgoingly because I know for other people it's very different.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: Just like we were talking about, people heal differently.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: For my husband it's still a bad memory.
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: For my family it's still very hard because they remember what happened at every specific hour of that day.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: For me it's just like I'm alive, and for my coworkers I can't even imagine what it's like for them.
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: I know we hear sometimes no, i don't want to be a hero And I try to be very mindful of that to where I just say hi to them.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: I just check in on them, but I don't go to their face and celebrate Yes, look at what you did.
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: You put on tourniquets and I'm alive.
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: What if they don't want to remember that?
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: I can't, i can't push that memory on them.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: I know it's there, but I don't want to also make things worse for them.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: So I'm very respectful when it comes to that.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: I've also, in my time in grad school, i've dedicated my entire research on mental wellness for law enforcement And I would like to focus now on first responders, because a lot of I will say this a lot of what happened, a lot of good that happened there was because of our fire department firefighters.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: They went in there and they just started doing things because they are obviously they have more medical training than we learn, so they were there just.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: They took over, they helped, they stayed with my husband And that's one thing I focus on all these these couple years in grad school and my project, this is where I've really wanted to make sure that I help and I give back to my community, to the law enforcement community, to the first responder community and the families.
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: That's where I've dedicated my time to create a return to duty program.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: San Antonio Police Spartan has one and I've actually looked into theirs to where in my research we can expand it to first responders that have been through a traumatic incident and how to come back from that.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: And not just first responders but our civilian staff.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: They are very, i believe, i honestly think we forget about them.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: All our civilian staff dispatch had to hear me on that radio and I don't think it was easy for them because I've worked with so many of them for a long time.
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: So that's probably been my focus and that's probably what has helped me and what has motivated me to not I'm not going to say rush the healing process but okay, if this isn't working, what can I try?
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: Kind of navigating, not just becoming stagnant.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: Like I said, some of the triggers okay, they don't happen, but something's going to come up.
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: So I've tried to be very kind of preventative before it gets into something more.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: So that's probably what has helped me a lot more focusing in that return to creating that return to duty program for law enforcement Eventually in the future, when I go back to apply for my doctoral degree, to expand it to the first responder community and our civilian staff, that they as well, they endure a lot of trauma.
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: I think the first person I can think of, the first people I can think of, is also our evidence staff.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: They have to process my clothes and that's not easy for them.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: I can't even imagine, like, just like you said, rolling up on your spouse and seeing what happened.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: But your evidence staff, they work with you every day.
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: So that's one thing that I want to say that has motivated me, has empowered me also to heal, not as quickly as possible, but as quickly as I can manage and my family can manage, to finish this return duty program and hopefully we can expand it to everyone.
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: Well, the strength in the outlook is amazing because it's easy to sit and have a pity party and woes me and look what I've like I'm just sitting around and I mean it's like you've doubled down on.
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: I'm inspired to figure out how to do this better.
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: And what can we?
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: how can I broaden and assist?
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: and I mean it's it's the friggin polar opposite of pity party is let's strap on and let's go figure out how to help more people and Duff to boost off.
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: We got, we got work to do.
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: Let's roll.
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: We admire that, because we all have pity parties at time and sometimes you can get stuck in that loop and it's hard to get out of once you get in it.
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: It's.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: it can be hard to get out of that dark spot sometimes and I think that's the best way to do it is let's put our gloves on and get to work.
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: Let's go, let's go.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: What helped also is the like I said, just the support from the nation, but you all, i also had a lot of amputees reach out and not just amputee officers.
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: But I had a gentleman, mark I can't pronounce his last name for Kyle from a survivor from the Boston marathon bombing.
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: I mean I was like no, this is what happened to you.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: I mean I was doing my job but you were just there to participate.
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: And of course, we start, and that's the thing that I learned from my psychologist Don't compare your trauma to anybody else.
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: Trauma is trauma.
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: And meeting other officers, of course, matias Ferreira on New York, double amputee great time meeting him.
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: My other friend, jason in Louisiana, above the knee amputee.
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: So it's just been fantastic meeting them and learning, okay, how are we healing, how are we doing, how are we pushing through this to go back to full duty?
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: So that's been.
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: And, of course, the latest double amputee in Fort Worth, zach.
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: So that's that's probably what also has helped to where, okay, where are we in our in our journey and what has helped?
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: And we actually exchanged like, okay, this helped me.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: This didn't end same thing, like I said earlier, drawing that line to where we're not causing each other vicarious trauma.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: I think the community, even probably a lot of cops I was would be shocked to learn how many police officers or amputees We had a member reach out several years ago.
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: Young, young officer had lost his leg in an incident and kind of thought, man, i had the whole world whipped and I've lost my leg and, and you know, life as I know it's over in my life's over and I'm done.
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: We found another officer that was an amputee, quite a bit older in his fifties but was a PT stud, crossfit stud, scratch golfer, and the other officer was in a pretty dark spot and some of us were like, well, i can't tell him.
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: I can tell him incidents I've been through, but I haven't lost my leg, i don't, and I don't want to be the guy that's been like.
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: You know I'm, i understand what you're going through.
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: Well, no, you don't, you haven't lost.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: And so we hooked those two up together and it started out with the older guy sent him some video of him doing CrossFit, some video of his golfing.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: He was literally a scratch golfer, was a PT stud.
• 55:34
  Speaker 2: And then they ended up getting together, um, and spending some time together and getting letting him see, man, this guy's twice my age and kicked my ass in the gym.
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: This is, you know, let me pull myself together and move forward, and I think that's a great outreach that you mentioned Matias and all of those um cause you've been through very similar stories And I mean it's like going up to my lost their parent Go, why?
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: no, it's like I lost a cat one time.
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: Well, no, it's not exactly the same.
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: I think it's important, Um, and I think it's a great testimony You have Yeah, it's a night.
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: I I I gotta get credit to my, my physical therapist, dr Taylor Kurtz.
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: He's been amazing, he has just.
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: He was fresh out of PT school and he got me as a patient and he's like I guess we're doing this together And I'm like, okay.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: So we just started looking up videos, instagram, and of course, he told me, do not compare yourself to this amputee.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: They were born like that.
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: They've been an amputee longer than you, so let's work on that.
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: Let's work on two let's find the technique to work to get to how they learned, to get where they're at right now.
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's that the adaptive um the.
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: There's a, the adaptive cross fit Um, amy Breen fantastic, she's the number two fitters woman in the world and she's she was born without a leg, so that's why I followed to learn my techniques from see what.
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, how can I adjust to this?
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: And most recently, i started learning how to use my running prosthetic.
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: So that's my.
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: I used to run all the time.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: I used to do CrossFit, actually, and my physical therapist thankfully, he was very much of a CrossFit or he used to do wrestling and he's like you know what?
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: we got this, and so there's a lot of things that I, we, we decided, okay, let's, if we're going to do this, we got to find different avenues and, of course, um, my department, our defensive tactics team.
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: We learned from Diaz martial arts.
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: So I actually went to him the owner, eddie Diaz, and I said can, can I be your student?
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: He goes, yeah, he goes.
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: I had a student without an arm, why not one without a leg?
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: I was like, all right.
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: So, as long as I think, i know, i think the fear was rejection.
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: They're going to tell me, no, we can't have you here.
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: But it's like, well, if they can, because they're afraid, that's fine, then move on, let's, let's find somewhere else.
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: And thankfully, my, my old cross with place.
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: I haven't gone back yet, but I did talk to him like can I come back?
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: Like absolutely, maybe you can teach us how to have students, because it could open the door to so many people that are out there.
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: Like I don't know where to go, i don't know if I should go here or not.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: I'm in a wheelchair, i don't have this, i don't have that.
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: So I was like you know, they tell me no, they tell me no.
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: Oh well, i can move on, and that's one thing I learned from my doctor with um, my, my surgeon, that saved me, saved my life.
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: Then I Dr Oscar Rios.
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: He's the one that said you know what He goes.
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, you can, cause I asked him.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: I was like, can I go back to work?
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: And I was waiting for the.
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: No, he goes, yes, but you got a lot of work to do.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: I can't tell you what to do, though.
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: That's exactly what he said He goes.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: But I can tell you, with the injuries that you had, that way, you know what could have other than death this is what could have happened.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: This is where you are And this is where you're going to have to go to go to work.
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: But he said I can't tell you what to do.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: And that was probably the best advice, cause he said I'm not going to tell you how to get there.
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: You can't you can't get there.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: You just got to find people that are willing to work.
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: And, like I said, best physical therapist, i got even my occupational therapists, great ones, now working with a running specialist, and then everybody else has been there along the way.
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: Everybody has told me what they did.
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: How do I just adapt and know, or come like they say you got to just adapt.
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: That's what the word is adaptive, it's not well, we got to, we got to modify this.
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: It's we got to adapt, um.
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: Of course, there are things that I'm still learning how to do.
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: I've been an MPT for four years.
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, i was in a wheelchair for a year and a half due to, due to being delayed, due to COVID, but after that I said, well, that gave me time to heal mentally.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: Now let's start with the physical work.
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: Where am I going to struggle?
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: Where am I going to have to work harder at Um?
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: and that's one thing that my physical therapist is always very cognizant about.
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: It's like okay, you've already improved here, let's move on to the next thing, let's move on here, um.
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: So that's, that's.
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: That's part of it.
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: I think that has also helped me in my physical journey to where let's?
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: let's keep learning.
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: There's always something that can change, um, especially with prosthetics.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: And then my limb, um, my body's always going to change.
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: There's something with the pressure change with, you know, pain There's, there's always pain.
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: They're like we talked about earlier.
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: Um, i'm not.
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: I'm not, you know, i'm not finally comfortable.
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: I'm not fixed.
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: This is a work in progress.
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: Um, i'm comfortable, but there are still still some things that I, like I said before, i need to work on.
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: I'm going back to I promote it recently, so I'm going back to work the streets and there's there's some anxiety there, my family, my husband and even in me, and I'm sure my co-founder, i'm sure my coworkers.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: But it's one of those things where it will let's, let's see what, where the work needs to be done.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: My therapist already told me all right, you tell me, well, we got to make changes.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: Uh, you tell me what I got to do, what times I need to come see you, and we'll work from there.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: So that's one thing, that's, that's probably the newest, the newest challenge I have coming up, going back and my, my project I'm almost done with my project, my return to duty program, i'll be graduating next year, and so those two things are on my mind right now.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: That's that's probably my biggest focus right now.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: It's not not that I don't care about the, the mental uh issue, but it's one of those where, okay, i'm okay right now.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: Something comes up.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: I have my psychologist, i can go talk to her.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: Um, if not, then you know, it's just like I I tell my husband, let's just move forward.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: You know, we can't be stagnant.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: We can't be waiting for for something bad to happen.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: I can't be stuck at home, um with a hundred snakes can't be stuck at home with a hundred snakes, I promise you they're in their own building.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: They don't come out.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: They love being there.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: Uh, they, they love it's temperature controlled, so I'm glad they have their own building, cause I can't imagine a home at 80 degrees all the time.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: You're, you're, you have a freaking incredible testimony.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: Yep, um, amazing testimony.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: You're, you're, you're passionate, strength and drive, and I love the busy body.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: I mean, i don't have time for this.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: I'm friggin yeah, finished my master's, going to start on my doctorate and and the programs you're looking to implement, oh, i mean, that is what an incredible testimony.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 3: Bad ass, i'm telling you, corporal Yep.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah Well, whatever we can do to help you out, to get this program, uh, spread out of there, or the information out there, uh, you got my number, clint.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 3: You, you can definitely get his and uh, you know we're here for you.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, really really really appreciate you coming on.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate your time too And the you know.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: Let me share my story and, above all, letting me share the journey and the aftermath.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: We always hear about the trauma, but Yeah.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: What happens afterwards?
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 3: What do we do?
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: Where do we go from here?
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: What's your husband's name?
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: Jason Cormier.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 3: Jason.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: Shout out to Jason uh because he walked through this.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 3: You know this.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: This uh experience with you.
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 3: I could not imagine uh going through an incident like that with my wife uh, and he deserves some, you know shout out to.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 3: So shout out to Jason uh for going through this with you.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 3: Yep, absolutely.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 3: Well, we actually end these episodes with some rapid fire.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: I'm going to like Clinton do it, because I always screw them up and there's an ongoing uh battle with one of the questions and he always he thinks that I tank the uh.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: it's going to be skewed because she's young.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: She's not going to know.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: Bullshit, she will watch, okay.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: Last for June.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: She's young, she won't know.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 3: Well, she's been a law enforcement since 2010.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: 2016.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 3: No, no, but you were 2000, 2007.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, oh, she, oh, i mean, she's got this watch rapid fire.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: We always ask three questions, same three questions.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: I got faith in you.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: Don't let me down.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: Best cop movie or your favorite line from a cop movie?
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, God, I have to go with the other guys.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: Oh yes.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: The other guys, i'm a peacock, you gotta let me fly Number one answer.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 2: Yep, it isn't a.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: I bet it's been given five times six times probably.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: Yep.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: Where's it?
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: There's, there's there.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: Argument was so convincing.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 3: So convincing Best movie ever.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: My husband had never seen it.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 3: Are you serious?
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: I was like this is like I said you can't, you can't do this to me.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, this is where I consider divorce.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: I mean I know we've been through a lot, but you have to watch it.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: So we actually watched it during COVID.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 3: Oh, that's awesome.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 3: My wife had ever seen boys in the hood the other day.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 3: I was like this is like gangster shit.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 3: This is awesome.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 2: Anyway, I had to educate my kids and we watched the colors.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 3: Really It's a good rubber deval.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: They had seen that one.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: He's stalling right now.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 3: Show hit and rubber deval.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: Go ahead.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: Oh, best police vehicle ever made.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, i don't know that.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know cars, i just know your favorite, oh, your favorite police vehicle.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: My favorite police vehicle ever.
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: Your favorite.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: My favorite I'm going to have to go with.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: I'm going to have to go with my explorer because I shared it with Justin Putnam, our second line of duty, death 1702.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: It was a Ford Explorer.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: I can't remember what year, but 17, obviously 17,.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: It had number 1702.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 3: We shared it.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: My incident happened.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: He said I want to drive it for Claudia.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: That's a perfect answer.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: That's good, perfect answer.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: Last one, your favorite adult beverage.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: And if you don't do adult beverages, your drink of choice when you relax and unwind, what puts you in your happy place.
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: I love red wine.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: I love rosé.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: We drink rosé because my husband doesn't like reds, he likes white wine.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: So probably a rosé, sparkling rosé.
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, come on guys.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he likes wine.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: He loved.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: he collects whiskey, but he I got him into wine just because I cook with.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: I cook a lot And so rosé He'll enjoy rosé with me.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: What's his favorite whiskey?
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: Oh God is it?
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: it's a bourbon, It's the can't remember, right now, oh, angels in me.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: It's an along with an orange label that he's going to get some Weller orange label.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: Weller orange label He's going to get so mad at me because you, you did not.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: You know all this whiskey and you couldn't say the name.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 2: It's not angels in me.
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 2: See, like it, neat on a rock, neat, neat.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: All right, my man, i don't even know what that means.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: My man, that means just porting a glass and let's sip it, because it's good, that's like that's some man's shit.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 2: Yep, i mean, okay, my man, as Denzel would say.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Corporal Courmier, cannot thank you enough for coming on and sharing your story with everybody, because it's important and it matters.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 2: And what a freaking inspiration.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: I hope that I would manage half as well as you have.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: If I went through that, I still think I would be laying in the ditch hoping somebody come in and rescue me.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for your time, and I really appreciate it.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 3: Hey, greatly appreciate you.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 3: Clear your eyes full heart.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: You can't lose, Really, really, really greatly appreciate you.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 3: You guys stay safe.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 3: Hit that like button, subscribe button.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: You got anything else.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 2: Nope, everybody.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: Please be safe.
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: Summer's heating up Calls are probably getting hot.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: People are getting hot and mad.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: Please stay safe.
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: Take care of each other, look out for one another.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: God bless each of you.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 3: And, as always, may God bless Texas.