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110. Your Vantage Point · Impact Ready

• 0:02
  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
• 0:06
  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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  Hello, team. Welcome to the show.
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  Thank you for listening. I want to share a little story
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  with you today. That's kind of funny.
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  The other day I was cleaning the kitchen and I'm walking around
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  shining up all the appliances. We have stainless steel
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  appliances. So I'm, you know, spraying the
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  stuff on there and buffing them up, trying to make sure all the
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  smudges are off. And I was working on the hood
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  that's over our stovetop. And so I'm spraying it and
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  shining it up. And I have to reach up there,
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  but I can look up and on the top of it and see when it gets dusty
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  and kind of gross. And so I'm shining it up and my
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  wife's standing behind me and my wife is 5/2 and 1/2.
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  And I'm five nine. And I was working on it.
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  And I look behind me and I realized she can't see up here.
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  I said, honey, you don't ever see when this is dirty, do you?
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  And she's like, no, there's no way that I can see that.
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  She's like, you're the only person whoever notices when it's
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  dusty up there. And I was like, oh, man, that's
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  kind of funny. And she's like, what I don't
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  like is when the underneath is all covered with grease and I
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  have to clean that. It's so gross.
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  I hate it. I hate cleaning underneath there
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  and it's just disgusting. It makes me feel like the whole
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  kitchen is gross. And I realized that I have never
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  looked underneath the hood. I'm 59.
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  I can't see underneath there. I, it never occurs to me to bend
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  down and look underneath and see the grease that's underneath
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  there. And it just kind of struck me in
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  that moment how we see completely different
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  perspectives of this one simple thing, the hood over the stove
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  top. And we're having completely
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  different experiences of what a clean kitchen looks like.
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  And it's kind of funny example, but it was just this stark
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  reminder that people have different perspectives, and we
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  create stories based on those perspectives, based on our
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  vantage point. So even with the hood, my
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  perspective is that if the top and the sides are shiny and
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  clean, like, you know, I'm over here buffing up, buffing them
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  up, thinking I'm doing a great job.
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  I'm like, yeah, this kitchen looks really great.
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  But then Leanne's seeing the underside of the hood and it's
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  covered in grease from cooking. And she's like, this kitchen
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  isn't clean at all. And so it inspired me to talk
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  about this in this episode. And it's all about examining our
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  vantage point, how we see things, and then challenging
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  ourselves to expand and change that perspective that we have.
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  And this has become a little joke to myself where I asked the
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  question, is this a hood scenario?
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  And what I mean by that is, are we looking at things from
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  totally different angles right now?
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  My wife and I, are we seeing a different picture of what we
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  believe to be is the reality of things?
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  And this happened just so maybe a month ago.
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  But it's really had me thinking, how many times have we done this
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  in our life? So many.
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  I mean, it happens all the time. It happens with our spouse and
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  our kids, our teammates, our colleagues, whoever.
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  We look at things from totally different angles and see a
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  different picture of reality. And oftentimes we are never
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  considering the reality or the perspective of the other person.
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  There's an analogy that I use with my coaching clients a lot
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  about perspective, about our vantage point, and it has to do
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  with the football field. And this makes sense to me
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  because I'm a sports fan and I grew up loving football.
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  But it has to do with the multiple ways that you can look
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  at the same situation. So in this analogy, we first
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  start by looking at things through the lens of the
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  quarterback. Now the quarterback is on the
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  field, say it's a really intense game.
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  He's standing behind the center, and the center is about to hike
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  the ball to them. This is close action.
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  It's loud. It's a little bit frenetic.
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  The quarterback's in the middle of a mass of intense energy,
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  huge men all around him, about 3 seconds away from being
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  pummeled, and everything has to go right.
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  The nervous system is in high alert.
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  He's got a call to play. He's got to see the whole field,
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  and it's all close action. There's a lot of pressure in
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  that situation. So that's the first vantage
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  point. But what if we zoomed out a
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  little bit and we looked at it through the lens of being the
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  fan in the front row, maybe the 50 yard line.
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  Now, this fan in the front row is still very much in the
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  action. He can hear all the plays being
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  called. He can hear the smashing of guys
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  getting tackled. It's very intense there as well.
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  The energy's high. The nervous system's a little
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  bit hyper alert. There's a lot going on there
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  too. Not to the extreme of the
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  quarterback. This is just a fan.
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  He's not at risk. And so it's a little bit less
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  intense. Things are not as high as stakes
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  when you are sitting in the front row as when you are on the
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  field playing. We can all acknowledge that,
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  right? But there's still a pretty high
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  degree of energy here. You feel like you are in the
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  middle of the action when you're sitting that close.
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  But now let's zoom out a little further and go from the vantage
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  point of somebody sitting maybe 100 rows up.
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  They're near the top, they're in the cheap seats and they're
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  still in the stadium. They're seeing all the plays.
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  They can see all the field, but their perspectives a little bit
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  different. The intensity is not as high.
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  They can start to listen to the conversations of the people
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  around them rather than only hearing what's happening on the
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  field. There's not a lot of pressure.
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  And frankly, from that high you can see a lot more than just the
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  players and the game. You can start to see all the
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  other fans. You can see the cheerleaders,
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  you can see the announcers in their box on the other side of
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  the stadium. You can see the Jumbotron.
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  You're able to see the replays happening.
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  It's a lot less pressure. It's a lot of information.
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  It's a lot of different new perspective, a much broader
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  perspective, and you have a lot more context for what's
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  happening. Now let's zoom in, out even a
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  little bit further. Consider it from the lens of
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  somebody who might be a passenger in the Goodyear blimp.
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  You guys remember the Goodyear blimp?
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  I don't even know if they have those anymore, but imagine that
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  you are in a blimp that is floating around above the
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  stadium a couple 1000 feet in the air.
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  What does the perspective look like from that high?
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  You are just looking through a little window and you're seeing
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  down below. You can see the entire stadium.
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  You can see the parking lot. You can see the surrounding city
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  and highways. You see people who aren't even
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  aware that there's a football game going on, just driving to
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  their jobs or driving to their homes.
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  You see other businesses. You see other buildings lit up,
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  you see the world at large. Yes, you have an awareness of
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  the game. Yes, you might be invested in
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  the outcome, but you're also taking in all this information
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  about the world that is moving on outside of the game.
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  It's not the only thing happening in your life.
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  And this is the power of vantage point.
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  You go from being so zoomed in, so close to the action, so
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  involved in the energy and the intensity of something where
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  everything is high stakes and sort of do or die, to being all
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  the way zoomed out on a blimp. Just barely seeing the players
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  down there moving around like ants.
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  And then also seeing all this other activity happening in the
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  world around completely different vantage points and you
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  can imagine completely different energy.
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  And this is a really important thing to be thinking about
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  whenever you are in a situation that you're trying to
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  understand. It's so helpful to ask yourself,
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  what is my vantage point right now?
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  How close am I to this thing that is happening and how is it
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  informing what I see? Another way to look at this is
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  thinking about if you were standing in a forest and you
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  were standing one inch away from a massive tree.
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  If you were one inch away from a massive tree staring, all you
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  would see is the brown bark. You would see maybe the
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  roughness of the bark, the little intricacies of the bark.
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  You would see ants and insects crawling over the bark, but it
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  would all be brown. You wouldn't be able to see much
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  else if you were one inch away from the tree.
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  Now, what if you backed up five feet?
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  All of a sudden you're seeing the tree for what it is, a
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  massive tree. And then you're also starting to
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  see some of the surrounding area.
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  Oh, there's other trees in this forest.
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  I'm standing on some soft ground.
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  I'm there's ferns around. You're starting to see more of
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  the environment. Now back up 20 feet, all of a
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  sudden you see the forest for what it is.
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  It's multiple trees, it's lots of vegetation, it's wildlife.
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  It's a whole complex system that you weren't aware of when you
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  were standing one inch away from the tree.
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  And again, this is all about vantage point.
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  And I'm not saying that one vantage point is better than
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  another. I'm just saying it matters.
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  It makes a difference and it informs our perspectives about
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  what is in our life. It's very similar to the idea
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  that I'm walking around our kitchen thinking that everything
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  is spotless because I've cleaned the top of the hood and my wife
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  is looking at the underneath of it, saying this kitchen is gross
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  and greasy because that hasn't been cleaned in months.
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  And I had no awareness of that because I'm not looking
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  underneath there. Our vantage point is something
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  that gives us information. It gives us context about the
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  world at large. It gives us information about
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  the environment around us and depending on where we're
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  standing, that can influence how we feel about a situation.
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  It can influence whether or not we're angry or frustrated with
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  somebody. It can influence the level of
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  empathy we have for somebody else or compassion.
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  It can influence our ability to stay in solution energy and see
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  the problem for what it is. There's so many things that are
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  dependent on the place in which we stand and look at something.
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  One of my coaching clients recently was trying to go to bat
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  for an employee of hers. There was a scenario in which
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  she felt she had to stand up for this employee and as a result of
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  that, communicate with the owner of her company.
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  And my client was very upset after this initial phone call
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  with the owner because she felt like she wasn't getting the
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  understanding or the response that she felt was merited with
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  the situation with the employee. She felt like the owner was
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  being kind of aloof or disengaged or maybe he didn't
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  care too much about this incident that was happening
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  within the company and that was causing her to spiral a little
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  bit. She was starting to ask herself,
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  is this company good for me? Is this a good fit?
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  Am I aligned with the right people here?
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  Just like, does my vision for what I want for my career make
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  sense with this culture within this company?
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  It just really like sent her wheels spinning and she sort of
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  went down a spiral of, Oh my God, am I in the right place?
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  Am I, am I doing the right thing for my life?
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  And as we were going through this, I reminded her of the
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  football field analogy. And we talked about the vantage
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  point of the quarterback versus the vantage point of somebody
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  who is sitting maybe in the cheap seats or even in the
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  blimp. And that because of this idea of
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  vantage point, she was very likely missing some key context
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  that this owner probably had 17 other things that he was
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  considering on this initial phone call with her that she
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  didn't even think of or have knowledge of or had the context
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  for. And it's so often happens that
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  that's true. We have incomplete information
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  in so many situations because we can only see what we can see.
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  And so I challenged her. I said, could you get curious
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  about this? Could you be patient and wait
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  for a follow up from this owner? Assume the best and assume that
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  there's context that is missing and start to try to find
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  resolution around that. And the resolution actually came
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  pretty shortly after our conversation.
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  The owner sent her a follow up e-mail outlined all the reasons
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  that he couldn't say more on the call.
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  Most of it had to do with exactly what you would expect.
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  He was gathering all the information before making
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  comments, he was following HR guidelines, he was trying to get
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  more clarity, and overall, this e-mail exchange between them was
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  overwhelmingly positive. It was engaged, it was
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  empathetic, and it directly led to the solutions that she was
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  hoping for. She was so relieved and happy
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  with the whole outcome and it was a great reminder for her and
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  for me again, that we can't always see the whole picture.
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  We can't always see the whole picture.
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  We have to zoom out. Sometimes we have to change our
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  vantage point so that we can see things that are out of view.
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  Otherwise, get ourselves out of the drama of the action and the
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  play on the field and get into that Goodyear blimp so that we
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  can see from a couple 1000 feet up.
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  And if I'm thinking about the next logical question that most
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  of my clients would be asking me, it would be the question,
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  OK, how do we do that? And I think that's important
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  because I never want to be saying, oh, you should do all
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  these things and not offer any strategies on how to actually
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  execute. So thinking about how do we
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  change our vantage point? And there's three things that
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  come to mind. The first thing is to ask
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  questions. Of course, it is to get curious.
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  And these are open-ended questions. open-ended questions
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  are the best. They're usually questions that
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  start with the word what, and they allow for the person to
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  think. It keeps people from putting
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  their defenses up. What questions are the gold?
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  We call them powerful questions in coaching and the ability to
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  get curious will serve you over and over and over again and help
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  you change your vantage point. The second thing to do is to be
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  the observer. So ask yourself, what are you
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  missing in this situation? What context could you be
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  missing? What can't you see?
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  What else could be happening? Not only can you be the observer
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  in that way, but you can also observe what's happening within
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  you. How do you feel in this
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  situation? What are you thinking?
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  Can you be the observer of your thoughts?
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  When you are the observer, you're not just the experiencer,
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  so you're not simply in the drama of the action, but you're
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  somebody who's a little bit more removed, like the little guy in
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  the Goodyear blimp, looking down on what is happening in your
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  life. And that gives you the ability
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  to look at things from a different vantage point.
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  Change your view. And then finally, the third
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  thing is to broaden the mind. And broadening the mind can look
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  so many different ways, but it can be as simple as having new
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  experiences. So it could be traveling, going
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  out of the country, traveling different cities, talking to
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  different people, having conversations with others that
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  you wouldn't normally have. It could be doing things
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  differently, just as simple as taking a different route to work
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  or creating a different recipe, or breaking out of some of the
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  automatic patterns and habits that you have in your day, as
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  simple as brushing your teeth with the other hand.
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  I'm serious. This is all about getting out of
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  your comfort zone so that you can create some new neural
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  pathways in your brain and broaden your mind.
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  Overall. We have to remember that
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  everyone sees things through their specific lens and from
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  their specific vantage point. And if you're struggling and
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  stuck, if you're feeling frustrated, one of the best
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  things that you can do is to work to change that vantage
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  point, change your perspective. It might open up views of the
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  world that you've never seen before.
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  You might see paths that have been hidden in plain sight for
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  you for years. I am not kidding you.
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  Changing your vantage point opens up a whole new world of
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  possibility. And it allows you to be a more
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  impactful person because this is a skill that allows you to be
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  nimble in so many different situations, whether in peace or
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  in conflict, in relationships, in negotiations, in closing
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  deals, in forecasting outcomes or roadblocks.
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  To be able to think from this perspective critically, from
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  different vantage points is one of the best skills that you
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  could ever develop. And it allows you to be a person
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  of extreme impact in your life. So my challenge to you this week
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  is to become aware of the things that you see and the lens
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  through which you're looking at stuff and then see if you can
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  switch it up a little bit. See where you might be really
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  zoomed in, staring one inch away from the tree at that brown bark
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  or being that quarterback down on the field in the intensity of
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  the play and the action in the drama.
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  See where you are in your life playing those roles, and then
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  where can you back up? Where can you zoom out and get a
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  broader perspective and change your vantage point?
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  I love thinking about this stuff.
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  I love testing it out in my own life and it's really challenged
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  a lot of the things that I believe to be true even within
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  my own day-to-day. So I hope this helps that it
• 16:45
  spurred on some insights for you I wanted to share with you.
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  I just recently launched my newsletter.
• 16:51
  It's bimonthly twice a month and it's called The Impact Effect.
• 16:55
  It's a little bit more coaching, a little bit more inspiration on
• 16:58
  some of these topics that we dig into.
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  If you want to be on the list and you want to keep in touch
• 17:03
  with me, go to my website, steph@stephsaffer.com and sign
• 17:07
  up for that newsletter. I'd love to connect with you.
• 17:10
  Thank you for being here and for listening.
• 17:11
  And as always, thank you for being ready to Impact.
• 17:15
  Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
• 17:17
  I hope today's episode inspired you to own your impact and
• 17:20
  recognize that you are powerful. By elevating our energy and
• 17:24
  awareness, we can create exponential change in this life.
• 17:27
  If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with a friend and
• 17:30
  subscribe to the show for more. I truly appreciate you.
• 17:33
  Thanks again for being here.