Latest / Mommywood / BONUS EPISODE with Audrey Moore - The Self-Tape Queen Speaks Career, Choice and Honest Conversations

Transcript

BONUS EPISODE with Audrey Moore - The Self-Tape Queen Speaks Career, Choice and Honest Conversations · Mommywood

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  This week on Mommy Wood I had the absolute pleasure of talking
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  with the amazing Audrey Moore and wow, this was such a great
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  conversation. Audrey is an actor, obviously,
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  she is the host of Audrey helps actors and the genius behind the
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  self tape May, which is starting today.
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  She's also just one of those people who always tells the
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  truth about the industry in a way that's funny and smart and
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  refreshing and it's she's just such a wealth of information.
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  We talked about everything from things like what she wished she
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  knew early in her career to how hard it is to juggle acting and
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  parenting, to her decision not to have kids and what that has
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  looked like for her. I loved hearing about how I
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  loved hearing her take on how she supports her friends that do
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  have kids and that was so it's so great for me to hear from the
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  other side of it. It's always refreshing to hear
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  people without kids and their perspective on on parents in
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  general and their friends who have parents.
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  And let's be honest, just having people in your life who get it
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  is, is just everything. And she is definitely one of
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  those people who who just gets it.
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  We also get into the messy stuff about, you know, like friendship
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  shifts after having babies and the pressure to do it all and at
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  the, the real and the real cost of, of trying to chase dreams
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  while raising a family, both emotionally and financially.
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  I love how she says that, you know, these are our career and
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  being a parent. It takes time and money and both
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  of those things are finite. So just that you have to, if
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  you're going to add something to your life, something has to be
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  subtracted or like just jigsawed around in a different way, which
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  is so true. And one of the reasons I started
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  Mommy would because I just want people to be honest and open and
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  transparent. She brings up the idea of
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  transparency so much in this episode as well about how people
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  are doing it. Like, how are you paying for
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  this house? How are you paying for this kid?
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  How are you paying for classes? Where is your time and money
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  coming from and how is it being spent?
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  Yeah. So anyway, Audrey does.
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  She keeps it so real. And I think you're gonna feel
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  super seen and supported by this episode.
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  It's, it's such a good one. I'm so, so thankful for Audrey
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  coming on and being a part of Mommy Wood.
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  And please enjoy. I know you will enjoy this
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  episode of Mommy Wood with Audrey Moore.
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  I think we should just just go for it and let's see what
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  happens. Yeah, I'm excited.
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  I was I was so bummed I couldn't go to the I teach her the
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  daughter had her ballet class like, yeah, those kids always,
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  you know, have something going on.
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  But it's so nice to finally meet you, finally chat with you.
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  I've been following you, I'm sure as most of our listeners,
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  most so many people follow, follow you and get so much great
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  information and so much from you.
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  So I'm going to start with just like you're so transparent with
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  like the business and like being honest about the business side
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  of acting and all that fun stuff.
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  So has that like always come naturally to you or like?
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  No, I, I think, I mean, I just didn't know anything forever.
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  You know, I just like, I mean, the, the theme song is I don't
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  know anything. I just truly I didn't, I didn't,
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  I didn't know anything. I just, you know, I'm horrified
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  by all the things that I didn't know.
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  And even to this day, you know, I, I will talk to people who are
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  maybe a little bit ahead of me in their careers or maybe you
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  have a different professional perspective.
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  And we talked to each other and I am always learning something
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  like that's what's happening. Is that what people are doing?
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  Like, Oh no. So it's, it's a continual
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  unfolding because also the business changes so rapidly and
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  the expectations on everyone, you know, changes so rapidly.
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  So I'm also in that loop as well.
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  Yeah, I do love that because I feel like as having such a great
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  platform that you have, I feel it could probably be hard going
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  from like or at least I'm. I'm glad that you said that you
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  like keep learning stuff because obviously people with like, if
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  they're the ones sharing the information can, can get to
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  like, I know this like especially like like not
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  related, but like mom stuff where they're like giving advice
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  as if they know like everything and have nothing to learn.
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  So I appreciate you always like sharing new things and like,
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  like you said, I that you're always learning new things as
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  well. But Speaking of like always
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  learning new things, what are what is some, some advice that
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  like you wish you had much? I mean, I'm sure there's a
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  million things but that you wish you had earlier on in your
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  career. Yeah, I guess I wish that I had
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  understood more of the other side of the business.
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  I think I spent the first eight years, 10 years, 15 years
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  thinking that things were personal and that it was about
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  how talented I was or was not. And now I see it much more as a
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  discipline as much as an art form and also storytelling and
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  being a part of someone else's story rather than an actress
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  being outstanding or being a disaster, which was mostly my
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  point of view. I was just so scared of being a
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  disaster and so desperate to be outstanding.
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  And now I have a much fuller understanding of what is
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  happening here. Yeah.
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  Has there have there ever been points in your career where you
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  where you did feel like discouraged?
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  Well, obviously discouraged, but like like enough to think of
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  like maybe I should do something else and like what kind of
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  brings you because obviously it's such a marathon and about
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  longevity. So what has pull like keeps you
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  going in times where you know the ACT I the actor spiral that
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  I'm sure we all get where we're like, what am I even doing?
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  Yeah, I think I feel very fortunate that I have lots of
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  spirals, but I never feel like maybe this isn't it.
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  I've always felt that this is it, for better, for worse.
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  And that does incur a lot of peace and structure because then
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  it's about figuring it out as opposed to figuring out if you
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  want to quit. And then once you've decided if
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  you're going to figure out whether or not you want to quit,
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  then you get to figure out how to solve it if you're staying
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  in. So for me it was just always
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  very a lot of humiliation, a lot of ego unraveling and still to
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  this day, and then a weeping probably and napping and
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  sleeping and then a decision of how this is solvable, how do I
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  solve it? How is that going to happen?
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  And does anyone have the answers and if so who are they and can I
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  get help? Yeah.
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  What? What made you want to get into
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  acting in the 1st place? Like, did you grow up with it?
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  And like all of you, just all of your, your background, you know.
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  I did not grow up with acting in my major life.
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  I would say I was in my first play when I was 7 and I always
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  say that I had my mother's attention finally, and so I was
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  going to sign up for that as long as that was being given.
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  No, she came to see me in a play called Come Out Cat.
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  I played the cat, of course, and it was written by other
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  students. And my mom came to see the the
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  play when I was in second grade. And she was like, you were the
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  only one we could hear. And from that moment on, by
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  being really loud sealed the deal.
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  And an actress was born. And really from that, from that
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  point on, and by the time I was 11, I was in drama class, I was
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  doing forensic. I don't know if you ever had
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  like speech and debate stuff in your schools, but we had like
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  forensics tournaments and I was doing, you know, dramatic
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  interpretation and comedic interpretation and duo
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  interpretation and oral interpretation, which is just
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  basically acting competitions all weekend.
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  And I started that maybe when I was 12, I want to say.
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  So I've just been doing it pretty much all day every day
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  since at least junior high and just never, never stopped.
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  But I do feel fortunate in that if anything, the opposite is to
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  the if. If I'm thinking about something
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  else in my life, I'm actually thinking about all of the things
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  that I'm not getting to share as generously with the world in
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  terms of my talents or my interests or beliefs.
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  And I am maybe a little restricted in time, energy and
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  money as an actress because there's only so much to go
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  around. And so I'm, I'm often wondering
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  like, is this the best use of Audrey?
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  Is this profession? Is this pursuit, is this art
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  form the best use of Audrey? In addition to am I getting a
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  lot of joy out of it? That's so interesting.
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  That's like, that's such a great way to look at it.
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  I haven't thought of it that way of like is this.
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  Yeah. Oh, I like it.
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  Yeah. What would your advice be Unlike
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  to other actors who feel maybe that you know, those times where
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  they're like, well, maybe it's not they're feeling like it's
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  not the best use of them or like if they're having the spiral.
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  What's kind of any advice to to those actors that?
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  I think that. We're all kind of holistic of it
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  now, right? Yeah, right.
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  I think that everyone should spend time making sure that it's
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  what they want to do as often as possible.
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  I really think of acting and particularly the profession of
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  acting, but definitely the craft.
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  It's just it's easier for people to have a relationship with the
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  craft because most people, there's a sense of expression
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  and passion that is separate, it seems, in the training realm
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  from the professional pursuit of the craft.
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  And I find that when it comes to being a professional actor, it's
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  almost always not what you thought you were signing up for.
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  Once you're can realize that almost nothing is what you
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  thought you were signing up for, literally, then I think maybe
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  there's can be some relaxation that the magical answer of
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  fulfillment and satisfaction and all of that is there.
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  And it may not be acting, but everything's going to come up
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  with a trade off if you decide not to be an actor any more than
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  there are going to be ramifications of what other
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  other job or career you pursue. And maybe you can find something
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  that you're really awesome at that you don't care too much
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  about, but you find satisfying and pays you really well.
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  And that's awesome. Most actors I find when they're
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  thinking about leaving or expanding outside of acting,
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  they think of real estate, yoga, personal training, teaching,
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  therapy, social work. Mostly it's in that realm.
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  And very few are like, I'm going to go be an engineer, my civil
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  engineering degree. So it it's usually going from
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  one kind of emotional and unstable profession to another
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  emotional and unstable profession.
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  So that's worth looking at and just really deciding what is it
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  about an acting career that if you are thinking it's not
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  satisfying to you, what are the things that you're missing that
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  is not satisfying? Is it the use of all that is
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  valuable about you? Is it a lack of money?
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  Is it a lack of feeling like you are valued?
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  Is it payment in terms of, you know, health insurance and
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  pension plans and pay vacations? There's a lot that can go into
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  having all kinds of jobs, but I think asking yourself is the
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  thing I'm looking for outside of acting, is that something, if I
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  go and search for another profession, am I going to get
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  that from the other professional choice or endeavour?
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  And instead of being an 18 year old being in an acting school,
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  I'm like, I would be an actor. Like maybe if you're having an
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  adult moment where you're thinking about choosing
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  something else, have your adult hat on and give yourself the
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  time to really investigate and examine the next options.
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  As opposed to, you know, I really like houses.
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  I'll sell real estate, which is great.
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  I have so many friends who who are amazing real estate agents
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  and have become so successful at that and have fantastic acting
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  careers and our parents like that is a that happens and
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  congratulations to them. But most of these people are
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  people who've been at all of it for a while, with the exception
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  of having a child. And so that that's its own, it's
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  its own math. Yeah, It's interesting.
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  There was like at one point while back, I'm sure it was
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  probably like during the pandemic where I'm like, I don't
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  know, real estate, and one of my friends got into it.
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  And then I was like, oh, that actually seems like just as much
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  of A hustle as this. So no thanks.
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  Good. I was like, if hustling is the
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  problem, then that's where I'm going.
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  One of the things I see is a lot of people, the thing that they
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  don't like about acting as a career is its sales.
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  And they don't like sales, They don't like being in sales.
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  And then they will go from acting as sales to another job
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  of sales and to another job of sales and then another job of
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  sales. And mostly because it's
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  something that you can do relatively cheap, fast and easy
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  to become a part of getting your real estate license.
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  It is a much cheaper, faster, easier path than going and
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  getting a degree in civil engineering.
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  So that's attractive to people because they already feel maybe
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  behind in life and they feel tired of being broke and
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  frustrated. And so there's a magic to
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  salesmanship. But if the thing you hate about
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  acting is sales, I would say don't go into sales period.
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  Which is hard because I feel like that's like so many things.
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  Right. It's so many things that don't
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  require an intensive degree. Yeah, and even many things that
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  do require an intensive degree, Do they?
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  And that's its own sort of investigation.
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  If you want to become a professional in another field
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  and then you're thinking about signing up for grad school and
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  you're thinking about another three years, and God knows how
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  much money that you're going to be putting towards that.
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  I just say, like, talk to some people who've graduated and see,
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  are they making any money? How do they have a career?
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  Did are they in a new mountain of student loan debt in addition
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  to their acting school student loan debt?
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  And are they, did they need that degree?
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  Did they decide, Oh yeah, that degree was valuable?
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  Or was it just another sort of payment to a university to make
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  you feel safe for a few more years until you were swooped
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  back into the horrors of the real world, which is very
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  expensive? That is true, but OK, so we like
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  to talk a lot about trying to balance life and acting and all
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  the things that we pretend we can balance.
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  But you've turned the whole thing it like it's all your life
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  now, like with the podcast and everything.
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  So how do you like, you know, obviously we we love acting and
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  we love the whole all of it. But how do you like turn it off
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  for yourself? Or do you?
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  No, I, I don't, I don't, I don't, you know, this is one of
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  the things that I'm really passionate about now because I
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  don't know if you saw a post that I had done a couple weeks
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  ago about the math of the pursuit of acting.
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  One of the things I love so much about you having this podcast
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  and talking about being a mom and an actor, performer or
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  artist. In addition to I don't want to
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  leave out the dads out there that are also dealing with major
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  struggles in that transition. But the math has got a math and
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  I'm pretty tired of all of us feeling guilty about feeling
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  tired and overstretched when in general people aren't getting
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  paid enough in any profession. And then on top of which there
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  isn't support for both parenthood.
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  And then we'll get into elder care and the things that just
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  need a priority, they, they become a zone of your life.
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  And I really value that you're doing this podcast and trying to
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  explore and also be a sounding board and a microphone to people
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  who are discovering the transition between being an
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  actress, having their time and going to acting class and maybe
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  getting some jobs and getting your SAG card and probably a job
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  or, or a couple things like that.
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  And then and then being a, a full time parent, that's that's
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  a huge investment in time, energy and money.
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  And if we acknowledge that our time, energy and money are in
• 20:58
  fact finite, then we really have to look at if something else is
• 21:02
  going to be added to your life, something else is going to have
• 21:05
  to be taken away. And that could be sleep.
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  That could be health, that could be friendships, that could be
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  relationships with more of your family, that could be your
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  acting career, that could be acting classes, whatever it is.
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  But those resources of time, energy and money, if they're
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  going to a living being, then that time, energy and money is
• 21:34
  going to have to be taken from someplace else.
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  And I am so passionate about actor parents.
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  And I'm so passionate about parents being able to, if they
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  can continue their work as an actor.
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  Because I believe the narrative and voice and perspective of
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  parents is so valuable to us as a society.
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  And if then the only people who can afford to continue to pursue
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  storytelling are people who can either afford to have kids and
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  pursue the career at such a massive level or don't have
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  kids, then I don't think we're getting a a very fair and
• 22:23
  equitable diverse perspective on our stories.
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  I love everything and thank you. Yeah, it is.
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  I feel like before having kids or for anybody who's like if
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  thinking of having kids, it is as an actor such a scary thing
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  because you do know you have to you're it's going to be a shift
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  and especially, you know, when it comes to money and time,
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  which are like 2 big things with kids, especially when they're
• 22:58
  younger. But I it doesn't have to be.
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  And maybe by choice it will be, but giving up your career, maybe
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  you, maybe that's your choice and you don't want to do that
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  because yeah, it's not easy, but it doesn't have to be.
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  Because I feel like when you're younger, especially looking at
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  it from the younger, I guess I can at least say for me, the
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  idea of becoming a parent and doing this seemed selfish.
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  And it's like, oh, but I wouldn't say any other any I I
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  wouldn't say that to anybody else.
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  Why am I saying it to myself type of thing?
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  So again, just because you do become a parent, yeah, maybe I'm
• 23:54
  not taking class every month or maybe I'm not getting my hair
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  done XY and like as many as as often or I'm not.
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  You know, there are different places that you can piece
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  together your money and your time if you still want to pursue
• 24:15
  their career. But Speaking of being a mom, I
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  know you're a dog mom. I'm going to rudely ask you the
• 24:22
  question since this is about have you.
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  What are you? What is your take on like your
• 24:30
  choice of becoming a mom or not becoming a mom?
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  How is? Yeah, I hoped you'd ask this
• 24:36
  question, mostly because I don't talk about parenting very much
• 24:41
  on the podcast because I'm not a mom and I think it can be an
• 24:47
  asshole move to talk about it unless I'm having, and then I
• 24:51
  want to have like a forum. I don't want to have a person
• 24:55
  come on and talk about motherhood or pay or fatherhood
• 24:58
  or parenthood and being a professional actor.
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  I want, I want several. I want, I want a huge
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  discussion. And I, I think there should be
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  lots of big discussions because I'm such a fan of transparency
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  and I'm such a fan of people knowing what they're signing up
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  for in all realms. And also then being able to be
• 25:20
  as prepared as possible and hopefully not get scammed, not
• 25:24
  get destroyed, not have your entire self esteem and identity
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  like thrown out the window because nobody was talking about
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  anything. I feel very fortunate in, again,
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  a sense of identity that I always knew I wasn't going to
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  have children and not medically just as me as a person.
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  I even asked my mom when I was, you know, in my early 30s if she
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  ever thought I was going to have kids.
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  And my mom goes, no. And I was like, oh, that's
• 25:58
  really impressive because as you know, your parents know you so
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  well. Your parents just, I mean, even
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  whatever your relationship is, there's just something weird and
• 26:08
  wonky about parents. My mom can read my mind and it
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  drives me nuts. I will be home and I'll think a
• 26:15
  thought and she will say it out loud to the room.
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  She'll like, you know, it's Audrey, blah, blah, blah, blah
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  blah, blah. And I'm like, get out of my head
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  woman, stop. So when she said that she never
• 26:29
  thought I was going to have kids, I thought that was really
• 26:32
  interesting information. And I said, what?
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  Why? What was that?
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  And she said, well, when you were younger, most little girls
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  are like my baby, my baby. I have my little baby.
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  This is my baby. And I love my baby.
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  And she were like my doll, her hair gonna get a house and paint
• 26:52
  it. And then we're going to get her
• 26:53
  lots of outfits. But it was never my baby.
• 26:57
  It was like my girl, like, hey, girl, what are we doing with
• 27:01
  your hair today? But never a maternal desire in
• 27:07
  that sense. And then I was very fortunate in
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  that my mom had children when I was 11, and then she had another
• 27:15
  child when I was 17. And I'm from New Mexico, where a
• 27:20
  solid percentage of my friends already had children by the time
• 27:24
  they were 17. And so that was a unique place
• 27:29
  because my friends had kids while my mom had a kid.
• 27:34
  And if I helped my sister, it was very much like this is, is
• 27:38
  this my baby? Because that was a normal thing
• 27:42
  growing up. And she said when you are older
• 27:48
  and there are babies born in the household, it either pushes the
• 27:54
  older child into parenthood or out.
• 27:58
  And it was very clear that you were like, I'm out.
• 28:01
  Like if there was any chance, you know, I was like, and again,
• 28:07
  not in a negative way, my friends will too.
• 28:09
  I love kids. I love them.
• 28:14
  I love hanging out with them. I have a blast with them.
• 28:16
  I genuinely think kids are incredible.
• 28:20
  And I love the kids in my life. One of the best parts about
• 28:23
  growing up has been my friends who've had kids and I love my
• 28:30
  friends so much. And now they have these
• 28:33
  extensions of themselves and I love them because of course I
• 28:37
  do, because they're so similar to my friends.
• 28:39
  And it's so great to have little mini versions of them walking
• 28:45
  around in a different experience in a, in a different
• 28:49
  perspective. And so I, I have nothing but
• 28:52
  love for both, both children and also parenthood.
• 28:56
  I think it is an incredible experience and a beautiful
• 29:04
  possibility. And it's sort of like, well,
• 29:08
  yeah, I really love, I love Hawaii.
• 29:11
  I don't, I don't want to. I don't want to live in Hawaii
• 29:14
  for 18 years. I don't.
• 29:16
  I can really appreciate it and I can think it's magical and
• 29:19
  beautiful. And yet I love Los Angeles.
• 29:22
  Los Angeles feels like home. I love this city, I love this
• 29:26
  town. And it's nothing against Hawaii.
• 29:29
  It's just personal preference. You can always visit.
• 29:33
  I can always visit, you know, and that's The thing is I just
• 29:37
  forever have had a very grounded clarity on that.
• 29:42
  And I think I'm quite unique in that.
• 29:44
  I did always say that I, if I'm, if I fell very much in love with
• 29:50
  somebody who wanted children, then if that person meant a lot
• 29:55
  to me, I would do that for the person that I was with.
• 30:00
  And upon meeting my husband at the time, he did want children,
• 30:05
  but he he kind of wanted them in an abstract way of like it's,
• 30:10
  it's probably an important experience.
• 30:12
  It's what you do, I guess. Yeah, even more than what you
• 30:15
  do. Like he it looked, it looked
• 30:18
  valuable. It looked valuable and it looked
• 30:21
  like it was probably something that was that was good for you
• 30:25
  know, parenting is a is something that's good for people
• 30:29
  in growth and maturity and experience.
• 30:32
  And he very much felt that way, but had no concept of being
• 30:36
  around children, knowing what children were.
• 30:39
  And because I grew up raising my brother and sister to a degree.
• 30:47
  And also when you become the newborn adult sibling at 11, you
• 30:55
  become sort of the newborn babysitter and nanny of the
• 30:59
  block. So I spent so much time with
• 31:04
  kids and with little, little bitty babies who couldn't move
• 31:07
  their head yet. And so I I knew what I knew what
• 31:11
  the ticket was. And I said to him, you know,
• 31:14
  that was fine, but I wasn't, but that having children wasn't
• 31:18
  important to me. And so I wasn't going to have
• 31:21
  children so that then he could be a successful blah, blah, blah
• 31:24
  in his own right while I was then a mom.
• 31:28
  I was like, I'm not doing that. So if you want children, and
• 31:30
  we're signing up for children, you're signing up to be a dad.
• 31:34
  I think that's a very important conversation that a lot of
• 31:36
  people, the whole thing is a very important conversation that
• 31:40
  I think a lot of people don't have.
• 31:44
  They don't know. Yeah.
• 31:46
  Well, and and knowing I, I feel like you like knowing that you,
• 31:54
  that you don't want kids is probably the same like knowing
• 31:58
  that you want to be an actor. There's such a freedom in that.
• 32:00
  And you don't have to exactly because that can be such such a
• 32:05
  pull. Like do I want kids?
• 32:08
  Don't like that's such a hard decision to make and so many
• 32:14
  questions. So I feel like knowing that like
• 32:17
  it's not for me and I feel like more people need to talk about
• 32:21
  like women, well, parents, all parents, like all people that
• 32:28
  it's that it is OK not to be a parent and you don't have to be
• 32:31
  like, oh, I don't want kids because of XYZ or because it's
• 32:36
  not possible. It's like I don't, I don't care.
• 32:40
  I don't because I don't want them.
• 32:42
  I mean, I like, I appreciate it because I'm nosy and just
• 32:49
  curious. But like for other people, I
• 32:54
  realize I just asked you the question, but for other people,
• 32:59
  I wonder if like at a certain age that people will just like
• 33:04
  ask you if you want to have kids and that is such like a rude
• 33:08
  question to ask. I guess it's a rude question.
• 33:12
  I mean, I understand everyone is curious and I don't exactly
• 33:15
  present myself as somebody who's not willing to talk about
• 33:17
  themselves. I have many episodes of a
• 33:20
  podcast, so I I feel very comfortable about it.
• 33:22
  But I think it gets it gets you have to be mindful because for a
• 33:28
  lot of people they cannot have children and it is an
• 33:31
  extraordinarily devastating topic for them at any point in
• 33:35
  their life. And in addition to not your
• 33:38
  business. But for me, I feel that there
• 33:44
  are enough people out there that don't desire children and plenty
• 33:52
  of people change their minds. I mean, the, the age range where
• 33:56
  people start asking you was to me in my early 30s.
• 34:01
  And it didn't stop. I didn't stop getting that
• 34:04
  question until my friends kid, my friends had kids that were
• 34:09
  old enough that they were so grateful to have a friend who
• 34:12
  didn't have kids because that then I could, I could be
• 34:17
  available to them in a way that their other friends who had kids
• 34:21
  could not because they had their own kids that they had to, you
• 34:24
  know, work out and and handle. And Los Angeles is weird in that
• 34:29
  everyone lives like 3 hours away or something.
• 34:32
  So you might have really close relationships with people who
• 34:36
  have kids, but getting your kids to hang out with their kids is a
• 34:39
  whole nother 2 hour car ride. And that's just not going to
• 34:43
  happen for a lot of people. And so I worked very hard and
• 34:47
  still do when my friends are in the parenting age range of
• 34:54
  newborn until really I don't know, the kids are 10.
• 35:00
  I've worked very diligently to be available upon their schedule
• 35:06
  and their needs and not my schedule and my needs because I
• 35:11
  understand that they have children and many of them don't
• 35:15
  have their families nearby and their parental support.
• 35:18
  And I'm a huge believer in community and community for the
• 35:22
  artist. And if I don't want my friends
• 35:23
  to go move back home and have their family support, then
• 35:28
  they're going to need the family support of their chosen family
• 35:30
  here in Los Angeles. And so I've made an intentional
• 35:34
  decision to show up as often as possible and as much as possible
• 35:39
  to whatever is needed in whatever way that is.
• 35:44
  And I feel it's been an absolute pleasure watching, watching both
• 35:51
  my friends become the parents they're becoming.
• 35:55
  And because it's always evolving and watching the kids continue
• 35:58
  to grow and, and change and, you know, really distress their
• 36:03
  parents out. It's just a real, it's a
• 36:06
  blasphemy. Yeah.
• 36:07
  It's a real treat. It's a treat, Casey.
• 36:11
  Well, your friends are very lucky to have you.
• 36:16
  What do you see as as I don't want to say the word outsider,
• 36:22
  but as an outsider viewing your the the parents that are that
• 36:28
  are acting as well. What do you view as like the
• 36:33
  things that you're just like? How does this how does this
• 36:37
  work? Or just like things that that
• 36:40
  you feel maybe aren't talked about for parents that you view
• 36:46
  that maybe you would be like, well, how do you do this?
• 36:49
  Or how do you XY? I think the thing that makes me
• 36:56
  the most frustrated is just the absolute lack of transparency
• 37:02
  about time, energy and money because there is a real fear on
• 37:08
  the part of the person who is thinking of family planning.
• 37:12
  And then what I see for that stage when you are are like, do
• 37:16
  I don't I do I don't, I do I don't I.
• 37:19
  And you've had a passionate pursuit as an actor, and you
• 37:22
  know how hard that already is and how time consuming and
• 37:26
  financially consuming, and it just takes all of your energy,
• 37:29
  right? And so it's this sort of break
• 37:33
  gas, break gas, break gas, break gas, break gas that happens.
• 37:38
  I find in a lot of actors first, maybe 10 years, somewhere
• 37:44
  between college and having their first child because they have
• 37:52
  enough awareness to know that there's going to be a real
• 37:55
  change in availability once they have children.
• 38:00
  And I think the people it surprises the most is, is the
• 38:03
  actor. Dad's out there, but definitely
• 38:07
  the actor because it just seems like the ACT, like men in
• 38:10
  general have been so poorly in in enmeshed and educated and
• 38:17
  welcomed into the parenthood sphere.
• 38:21
  And I think it's a real disservice to everyone,
• 38:25
  including and especially them. And so there is this lack of
• 38:31
  lack of preparation in terms of just the math of time.
• 38:36
  And so then I think that has a truly impactful, it has a, it
• 38:40
  has a impact on the way that then they pursuit their their
• 38:45
  pursue their career for those first ten years, because the
• 38:48
  whole time they're a little bit afraid that they'll do all this.
• 38:54
  And then that'll do something about their other dream, which
• 38:58
  is to be a parent, their other dream, which is to have a
• 39:01
  family. Then once it becomes having
• 39:06
  children, then it's really letting go of the ideas of the
• 39:10
  career you thought you were going to have, what it might
• 39:13
  look like. Tons of people having major
• 39:19
  complications with pregnancy or their birth experience or the
• 39:24
  postpartum experience for all people involved.
• 39:28
  I have lots of friends who've had some very dangerous
• 39:32
  realities happening in all of those areas because it's a giant
• 39:38
  medical procedure. Like you were undergoing a huge
• 39:43
  medical endeavor and it's just sort of like, oh, you're going
• 39:46
  to have a kid. It's like, no, you are growing
• 39:49
  a, you're growing a stake inside of you and then you get that
• 39:56
  stick out and the stick's going to move around and, and then it
• 40:01
  turns out building a stick in your body and then getting it
• 40:06
  out is really hard on the body. And so I think turns out that's
• 40:12
  some very medical experience that people that people go
• 40:17
  through and. It's weird to me that other
• 40:20
  medical experiences, other kinds of major surgeries maybe, or, I
• 40:26
  don't know, even just getting older, maybe whatever that shift
• 40:30
  is, that those are taken very seriously in terms of how they
• 40:33
  impact or the idea of how it might impact your acting career.
• 40:37
  And yet with parenthood, it's like, yeah.
• 40:39
  And then just like, yeah, you'll, you'll figure it out.
• 40:42
  Yeah, maybe you'll figure it out.
• 40:43
  And I'm like, figure it out. What?
• 40:44
  Tell them. Yeah.
• 40:46
  Tell them what they're going to figure out.
• 40:48
  Tell them and then. Because I was like, well,
• 40:53
  somebody's doing this. I'm not the only one who's had a
• 40:56
  kid in this situation. I was like, I don't know what
• 41:01
  I'm doing. Like I'm fine taking care of the
• 41:04
  actual baby because we need as well.
• 41:08
  But I'm like, but this all the whole rest of it.
• 41:12
  What is how are you paying your bills?
• 41:15
  Is what I'm. Saying this is the thing.
• 41:18
  It's like I, I, I couldn't be more passionate about it.
• 41:21
  I listen to podcasts all the time and I'm upset that people
• 41:26
  aren't asking the next question. I remember listening to a
• 41:29
  podcast where they had like this panel of women creatives on and
• 41:34
  I was like, oh, awesome. And a lot of them were talking
• 41:36
  about having children. And one of them was like, yeah.
• 41:40
  And then I had a child. And then I produced 3 movies and
• 41:44
  went to this festival blah blah blah.
• 41:47
  And the fact that nobody said I have a question, where is your
• 41:52
  baby? Where is your baby?
• 41:55
  Where is the baby? And who is watching the baby?
• 41:59
  And if it's not you, who who's watching it?
• 42:03
  Are they watching that baby for free?
• 42:05
  And if not, who's paying for somebody to watch the baby?
• 42:09
  What and what does that cost? And if you're watching the baby,
• 42:14
  what are the actual realities of holding a baby and producing
• 42:21
  movies? Because that seems like a very
• 42:25
  specific special skill in my opinion.
• 42:28
  And I am devastated that those questions and investigations
• 42:35
  aren't being had. So that then people who become
• 42:41
  parents as artists and parents in general, it's a terrible
• 42:45
  thing that's happening in terms of that, but just parents as
• 42:48
  artists for sure, where everyone just feels isolated and, and a
• 42:55
  little scared and, and afraid of like what, like what, what, what
• 43:00
  am I doing? And also feels like a failure
• 43:02
  for not doing it all because they're listening to somebody
• 43:06
  talk about how they produced 3 movies.
• 43:12
  Yeah, yeah. And so I just.
• 43:13
  Did go ahead. I would be saying you have the
• 43:16
  social media of it all too where you're seeing everyone's
• 43:20
  highlight reels and being like, this is what I do from 5:00 to
• 43:25
  7:00 in the morning before my kid wakes up and I'm like, but
• 43:28
  how are you waking up? What time are you going to?
• 43:31
  Really. I mean, really, did you sleep?
• 43:33
  Train your kid. How many kids do you have?
• 43:36
  Where are they sleeping in your or how?
• 43:40
  Like all of the logistic, like you said, that is like, I do.
• 43:47
  Yeah. Like you said, it feels very
• 43:49
  isolating before you get into it.
• 43:53
  Even when you're in it, you're like, am I doing what they're
• 43:55
  doing? Are they doing it right?
• 43:57
  Am I doing, I'm always doing it wrong.
• 43:59
  I know. But it's like, what?
• 44:03
  And how can I be better? And then I'm like, my kid is
• 44:07
  laughing. My kid is smiling.
• 44:09
  I had an audition today. OK, something.
• 44:11
  I'm doing something, right? Like something is doing
• 44:16
  something. What is doing it right?
• 44:18
  Exactly like. Because I always think about
• 44:20
  that too. You know, with anything, it's
• 44:22
  like with an acting career, you can feel like an absolute
• 44:26
  failure and then tomorrow you book a great job and you're
• 44:29
  like, I'm amazing. Everything I do is the winner.
• 44:33
  Or you could have booked a job and it was like life changing
• 44:36
  but three months ago and so now you're wallowing around feeling
• 44:40
  like a failure. I just remind myself, well,
• 44:42
  tomorrow you feel like a failure because of some circumstances
• 44:46
  that are happening to you right now.
• 44:48
  Truly tomorrow you could book a great job and then feel on top
• 44:52
  of the world. And so is it, is it real?
• 44:55
  Are you really a failure or are you just comparing and
• 44:58
  despairing? And I think the same thing with
• 45:01
  parenthood, right? You.
• 45:02
  I have this weird experience because of how much younger my
• 45:07
  younger siblings are, where I got to watch them grow up in a
• 45:14
  way that is usually reserved for the parent.
• 45:17
  But I got to see what kind of baby my brother was and then
• 45:20
  what kind of toddler he was, and then what kind of kid he was and
• 45:24
  then what kind of a disaster teenager he was, and then what
• 45:28
  kind of young adult he is and then now what kind of adult and
• 45:32
  dad he is. And that's just crazy.
• 45:35
  Like nobody gets to have that kind of progression usually,
• 45:39
  unless it's your children. And same thing for my sister.
• 45:44
  And so I have seen so clearly that so much of what my, my kid,
• 45:52
  my younger siblings as kids and their parenting experience, when
• 46:00
  and how they were parented, that has just only affected such a a
• 46:05
  small fraction of who they are and who they've become.
• 46:09
  And the rest are things that are environmental and hormonal.
• 46:15
  All of those things, just the, the brain making chemicals.
• 46:20
  And she got to figure that out. And really going to the journey
• 46:24
  of it. So you can think that you're a
• 46:26
  failure, but what would have to happen tomorrow as a parent for
• 46:31
  you to feel like a like a success?
• 46:34
  And also what would have to happen to confirm that you're a
• 46:37
  failure? And would that be temporary as
• 46:40
  well? So I'm just sort of tired of
• 46:43
  everyone being sold on the idea that they are failures in order
• 46:52
  to be told that they need to buy shit so that they can be better
• 47:00
  parents, better actors, better people, better any of it.
• 47:04
  Because I think it's just a a really unfortunate marketing
• 47:07
  ploy. Yeah.
• 47:09
  Yeah. There is so much for both.
• 47:11
  I feel like as a both an actor and a parent, there are so many.
• 47:18
  So they're both just preyed upon so.
• 47:22
  Far. Because yes, yeah, actors are
• 47:25
  like, oh, well, hopefully at some point you become like it
• 47:31
  comes becomes clear to you that if somebody's saying, oh, I can
• 47:34
  teach you how to book XY and Z, Hopefully we all realize that.
• 47:39
  That's the thing. Right, right, right.
• 47:41
  That's the scam. But then it's like, that's the
• 47:44
  same for parents. If anyone's like, let me teach
• 47:46
  you how to be a better parent. And it's like, well.
• 47:50
  What does that mean? Well, it's like, yeah, don't.
• 47:53
  It's just, I mean, there's some obvious things with acting and
• 47:57
  parenting. It's like, I do your best work
• 48:01
  and also and then as a parent, don't be an asshole.
• 48:04
  Like, I don't know. Like don't, don't beat your
• 48:07
  child. Try that.
• 48:08
  It's like, well, that's a low bar.
• 48:11
  Feed them, house them, don't beat them.
• 48:14
  I was like, is that is that a little bar?
• 48:15
  But you're right. There's so much room for
• 48:20
  insecurity and competition. And then that leaves us wide
• 48:24
  open to be sold to for solutions and just really evaluating like,
• 48:31
  do I need to be sold a solution or like we we doing OK.
• 48:35
  I have a question about being transitioning into parenthood as
• 48:40
  an actress. What sort of experiences have
• 48:46
  you had in terms of your friendships and do you feel that
• 48:55
  they have had some casualties in terms of the bonding of those
• 49:00
  friendships? Did you feel that you got the
• 49:06
  support that you wanted? And if not, I would love for
• 49:11
  actors to know also how to both communicate as they're becoming
• 49:16
  parents on what they might need from their friends.
• 49:18
  Slash also for their friends to maybe understand how the best
• 49:24
  communicate to their new actor parent friends about what they
• 49:28
  need and and how to be helpful but not intrusive and how to be
• 49:36
  generous but not become a full time free nanny right?
• 49:43
  Yeah, I there were definitely some some casualties as I don't
• 49:47
  think anyone like I won't say it's not like I'm like I'm not
• 49:53
  friends with. These well, it's your podcast,
• 49:55
  you edit whatever you want to out, right?
• 49:57
  Like I'm not going to be like, I'm not friends with these
• 50:01
  people or that they were specifically like, oh, she had a
• 50:05
  baby. I'm not gonna hang out with her.
• 50:06
  But yeah, there are somewhere. It's like, OK, you now live on
• 50:12
  the other side of town. Like if you're not gonna come
• 50:18
  see me and my baby, I'm I'm not going to you like I'm not, I'm
• 50:24
  not going to you like. I know, I know, right?
• 50:28
  Exactly. And I think so, yeah, there are
• 50:32
  if you that it's like you just. I think it's the same with
• 50:38
  anything. You just kind of like lose touch
• 50:41
  or it's like you notice those friends that you're like, I
• 50:44
  thought we were friends, but you actually didn't even say
• 50:48
  anything when I got pregnant. So let's and I'm fine with that.
• 50:54
  I'm like, you don't for anybody it's.
• 50:57
  Like you don't. Need those you don't need those
• 51:00
  people like it's just but I I've have found a group of moms and a
• 51:08
  lot of them are actor moms. Honestly, this group that I'm
• 51:14
  that I feel like I've become a part of since I put myself out
• 51:17
  there and I met one of my friends while we were on a we
• 51:21
  were on a walk and both of us, my husband and her husband,
• 51:25
  we're all just pushing our strollers.
• 51:27
  And I was like, Hey, you're in our neighborhood, you have a
• 51:30
  baby, let's be friends. And I was like, I'm going to be
• 51:33
  the one to ask for your friends because you live.
• 51:36
  I think that is hard, but like if you connect with another mom
• 51:44
  at like a class or a literally anything at the park, whatever,
• 51:51
  just ask for their number because they're in the same boat
• 51:56
  as you. Like they're isolated too, like
• 51:59
  they don't like maybe they have more friends than you that then
• 52:04
  you can become a bad. But it's definitely a lot of
• 52:08
  putting your self out there, which I feel like I've done for.
• 52:16
  I have a really, I have my best friend who I've known since
• 52:21
  first grade. She moved out here a few years
• 52:25
  after me and we hadn't seen each other since 8th grade.
• 52:29
  Oh wow, and. She's doubt my best friend and
• 52:33
  she has no, she doesn't have children and she has been, she's
• 52:39
  been so amazing to have out here.
• 52:42
  And I feel like she's the same as you.
• 52:45
  And you were saying like I understand like that.
• 52:49
  Like I will work around their schedule.
• 52:51
  And she's very much like that. And I feel like, so maybe I
• 52:56
  should ask her these questions because like, she's done a very
• 53:00
  good job at like, yeah, she's babysat for us for free
• 53:06
  sometimes. But a lot of the times, mostly
• 53:09
  we'll pay her. Like if I'm asking, sometimes
• 53:12
  she'll be like, hey, do you want to go out for your birthday or
• 53:15
  want to do this with Preston, my husband, and I'll watch May like
• 53:22
  so she will for her son. But if I'm asking, I will pay
• 53:29
  her. And do I pay her enough?
• 53:31
  No, like I think we pay, I think we pay her like 20 an hour,
• 53:38
  which is fine, but like for but like.
• 53:42
  I understand. Yeah.
• 53:43
  You want to pay your friends $100.00 an hour.
• 53:46
  I get it. And if you have the resources,
• 53:48
  you would, yes. Yeah.
• 53:50
  But it's like, yeah, so I whatever she's been doing, she's
• 53:54
  found a good balance of like, hey, do you need me?
• 53:58
  Let me know. And just kind of always checking
• 54:03
  in. I think a lot of moms have
• 54:06
  trouble when it comes to the question of just like, what do
• 54:11
  you need 'cause I'm like. Yeah.
• 54:13
  Know what I need? So maybe like when you go over,
• 54:18
  and I'm not saying oh, moms are different, but like when you go
• 54:21
  over, depending on how close you are, it's like maybe you noticed
• 54:25
  there's like a lot of dishes or like, I don't know, like these
• 54:31
  are very like early stages of like if you have a newborn, but
• 54:36
  like just like while you're talking, like maybe help them
• 54:40
  out with just bring over something to eat or just happen
• 54:48
  to do something while you're visiting.
• 54:53
  I don't because all moms are different.
• 54:55
  I don't want to say that, like, because I would feel weird if my
• 54:59
  friend came over and started washing the dishes while I had a
• 55:03
  newborn. Like, yeah, that seems weird now
• 55:05
  that I'm saying it out loud. But like, my mom, she could do
• 55:09
  that. Like, I feel fine asking her.
• 55:12
  And that was something we had in one of our like hospital baby
• 55:17
  classes that they were like, before this kid comes, you need
• 55:21
  to set your boundaries. And.
• 55:25
  Communicate them to people. It's so hard for any human to
• 55:32
  set boundaries in any circumstances.
• 55:35
  So to be like, hey, we're having our baby, like come visit.
• 55:42
  You can't stay with us or whatever your boundaries are.
• 55:48
  Because if you have them in your head and you don't tell anyone,
• 55:51
  then they're not boundaries, then you're just going to get
• 55:54
  bitter. But I don't know if that
• 55:58
  answered any of your questions. Yeah, I guess it reminds me of
• 56:02
  in caretaking in general, whether it's of somebody who's
• 56:05
  sick or or or child, anything, anytime you're or somebody
• 56:09
  that's elderly, one of the suggestions is never to say let
• 56:16
  me know if you need anything, but instead to say I was going
• 56:22
  to drop off groceries. I can either just go to the
• 56:26
  store and bring you groceries if there's anything specific that
• 56:30
  you want, or if you already have a grocery list, just send it to
• 56:34
  me. But essentially, you don't want
• 56:35
  to overwhelm the person who's already overwhelmed with more
• 56:38
  choices and decisions. So you make the decisions for
• 56:42
  them and they can either like it or not.
• 56:44
  And it's not your business, it's not your problem.
• 56:46
  But going to the store and saying, I've got I've got this
• 56:49
  stuff here, have groceries or I'm hiring you a cleaner to come
• 56:54
  in this month and clean your house.
• 56:58
  Is there a time that's works for you?
• 57:00
  Do you prefer to be home or not? Would you like me to be home?
• 57:06
  Like what sort of what parameters?
• 57:08
  But you don't go, do you need a cleaner?
• 57:10
  Do you want somebody to clean your house?
• 57:12
  You just sort of go, I'm getting you somebody to clean.
• 57:15
  Now the person can say, no, now's not a good time.
• 57:18
  But instead of instead of being like, is that that Because
• 57:23
  people are already like, no, I don't, I'm fine.
• 57:25
  It's just everything's OK 'cause you're you, you're overwhelmed.
• 57:29
  And then also, yeah, the dishes thing, I can't tell you how many
• 57:32
  times they've showed up and done dishes at my friend's house.
• 57:34
  And they will be like, you don't have to.
• 57:35
  I'm like, it's fine, you have a baby on your boob.
• 57:39
  Let me do the dishes. Let me please.
• 57:43
  I'm not going to leave here and be like, I mean, she had a baby,
• 57:46
  but you should have seen the dishes in the sink.
• 57:49
  I mean, come on, girl, get a tail.
• 57:52
  Like what are we talking about? So those sorts of things.
• 57:56
  Also walking dogs, things like that, because often in a
• 58:01
  caretaking position, those things get neglected.
• 58:05
  Loving an animal, having them feel loved and valued, and
• 58:09
  that's something that caretakers can start to feel guilty about.
• 58:13
  Yeah, always ordering food is great.
• 58:16
  Asking this is a big one for my friends who have kids is making
• 58:20
  sure if they have any allergies for breastfeeding because maybe
• 58:23
  the baby is sensitive to certain foods.
• 58:26
  And so I don't want to get them something with like a bunch of
• 58:29
  milk in it if then the baby's going to be calling.
• 58:31
  It's exactly onions and cabbage for the baby, you know.
• 58:37
  And so it's like those sorts of things, maybe not great.
• 58:40
  And and also just yeah, offering anything going and seeing a
• 58:48
  movie and watching this dude. Anything is better than nothing.
• 58:53
  Well, true, true. Story but I would also say that
• 58:57
  like don't just assume that they don't that a mom doesn't want to
• 59:04
  do something because they are like, oh, I'm not going to
• 59:07
  invite her to her because she has because she has the baby.
• 59:10
  It's like they half of the time or most of the time, whatever,
• 59:14
  there's another partner that can also watch the like.
• 59:18
  Maybe I'm about and like because my husband, God bless him, does
• 59:23
  50 if not more percent of the parenting is great and as it
• 59:28
  should because he's of. The of the parent exactly right.
• 59:34
  So for me to be able to like, yeah, go to a movie with a
• 59:39
  friend or if somebody asks, yeah, and have those friend, the
• 59:44
  friendships that you can be like, no, I'm just tired.
• 59:49
  Like the friendships where you can be honest and be like, like,
• 59:54
  no, I just don't want to, but please keep inviting me.
• 1:00:01
  Yeah, no, I don't want to leave my house.
• 1:00:03
  Or yes, I do, like I always wanted to.
• 1:00:06
  How to support you as an actor? Because that to me is the
• 1:00:09
  biggest thing. That's the thing that I am most
• 1:00:12
  miffed by is the lack of transparency around auditions,
• 1:00:17
  auditions, schedules, audition availability, competitive
• 1:00:21
  execution. I had a lot of friends who had
• 1:00:23
  children during the pandemic and many of them haven't worked
• 1:00:27
  since. And it's just because the shift
• 1:00:31
  to self tapes has not been good for their parenthood afterlife.
• 1:00:37
  And I don't know how, but I, but I look at it and I think of the
• 1:00:41
  auditions that I get and I'm being asked, you know, less now
• 1:00:45
  because of thank God for sagging their new contract.
• 1:00:48
  But you know, I'm getting three scenes and I get it at 4-7 and
• 1:00:55
  it's due at 11:00 in the next morning.
• 1:00:58
  And it's sobbing. And it's, I mean, how are you
• 1:01:02
  going to put, how are you going to put your baby down and then
• 1:01:06
  scream and then go scream? Yeah, we've had that a couple
• 1:01:11
  times. So again, I'm very lucky that my
• 1:01:14
  husband's an actor too. So I have a just an in house
• 1:01:18
  reader. We have recently had the
• 1:01:20
  discussion because I have been, I believe using your code for we
• 1:01:26
  auditioned and I've I have not used it.
• 1:01:32
  I'm not like I was a I've been a reader on it and I was like, oh,
• 1:01:34
  this could be a great anyway, But we've recently had the
• 1:01:37
  discussion where I'm like, I think I think we should use
• 1:01:41
  readers because I'm like, I'm this, this is not my favorite
• 1:01:49
  thing to do with you. But that being said, yes, we
• 1:01:55
  audition having a partner who is available.
• 1:01:58
  If you are an actor that doesn't have kids, maybe you could be a
• 1:02:05
  reader. I'm sure that would be helpful,
• 1:02:07
  but we. Do you, as a parent who's asking
• 1:02:13
  a friend to be a reader, do you feel like you can't do that
• 1:02:18
  because then you're not able to be the reader for them when they
• 1:02:22
  need it? I'm going to be honest with you,
• 1:02:24
  I've never asked a friend to read for me.
• 1:02:26
  Well, that is very telling to me.
• 1:02:28
  Do you see what I'm saying? Because that to me is one of the
• 1:02:30
  other things that becomes a little gnarly when having kids
• 1:02:34
  is your mutual availability changes.
• 1:02:38
  If your friends are a bunch of actors that don't have children.
• 1:02:41
  Because if they, if your friend who doesn't have children is
• 1:02:46
  able to help you with an audition for three hours, but
• 1:02:50
  then that cannot be reciprocated because you don't have 3 hours
• 1:02:54
  to go, you know, helping your friend with an audition, then I
• 1:02:59
  find that's part of the isolation and additional
• 1:03:02
  financial burden is that then the acting becomes something you
• 1:03:07
  really only do in your house. And the, you're very fortunate
• 1:03:10
  that your partner is also an actor.
• 1:03:13
  And that's part of what I see is so many of the parents that are
• 1:03:19
  working actors and had parents and continued being working
• 1:03:24
  actors, both part, both parents are heavily involved in the
• 1:03:29
  industry. Maybe not actor, actor, but
• 1:03:32
  often, but definitely actor, director, actor, writer, actor,
• 1:03:37
  producer, actor, casting director is a big one, but so
• 1:03:41
  that there is this mutual giving in to what the industry needs
• 1:03:48
  that I see less of if one of the partners is not in the industry.
• 1:03:53
  Yeah, it would definitely be hard if I didn't have Preston to
• 1:03:58
  do because he like set me up today for like, but I'm but like
• 1:04:04
  today he I, I, I didn't have, I did a coaching.
• 1:04:08
  But again, that's a financial thing where it's like.
• 1:04:10
  A financial thing? Or it's like I paid and then or
• 1:04:13
  if you want to go or if you don't have the space, if you
• 1:04:16
  don't have a self tape set up in your house, like or your
• 1:04:20
  apartment, whatever to go in and self tape can be is even more
• 1:04:27
  money. But but I have I I'll fork it
• 1:04:34
  out sometimes. Most of the times I'll have
• 1:04:38
  Preston and I will read with each other.
• 1:04:40
  There are times where so we used to do our tapes more when our
• 1:04:47
  daughter would go to bed, but again, but our self tape or you
• 1:04:53
  can kind of see that here's a wall on my one side and it faces
• 1:04:58
  her bedroom. So we're speaking towards her
• 1:05:01
  bedroom. She has like the loudest sell
• 1:05:03
  machine and she's usually fine, but like, but now she's going to
• 1:05:09
  bed and this girl not falling asleep until like 9:00.
• 1:05:12
  Do I want to do a self tape at 9:00?
• 1:05:14
  I'm not that person. No, I'm, I'm done.
• 1:05:18
  So now she's in school. That's a whole other.
• 1:05:24
  So now I'm like 9 to 4. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:05:28
  Yeah. But I mean, but you know, so so
• 1:05:33
  getting the self tape done definitely is easier now that
• 1:05:37
  she's in school. I will say we have that
• 1:05:39
  financial burden now. It's $1100 a month.
• 1:05:43
  So you're paying for her to be in school for $1100 so that you
• 1:05:47
  have that time and she gets to be in school instead of you
• 1:05:50
  paying a coach $1100 a month for you to go in person and just go
• 1:05:56
  work with a coach in person. Now the trade off is she's going
• 1:05:59
  to be in school, but you're taking an $1100 budget and
• 1:06:04
  putting it towards somebody else watching her instead of $1100
• 1:06:08
  budget and you getting audition help.
• 1:06:11
  Yeah, Yeah. So I mean, and that was a choice
• 1:06:14
  for us because because Preston also does audio books mostly
• 1:06:18
  from home, that was going to be kind of how to balance it out
• 1:06:24
  where it's like, oh, he'll be able to make more because he'll
• 1:06:27
  be able to work more when she's not.
• 1:06:31
  So that's kind of how we how we were able to do it.
• 1:06:34
  We hadn't started her in school until she was like to chew in
• 1:06:42
  some change. And I will say though LAUSD the
• 1:06:49
  LA public school system. Now not every school has it but
• 1:06:55
  TK which starts at 4 is now included in LAUSD.
• 1:07:01
  So we'll only be paying paying for her to go to school until
• 1:07:10
  then. 2026 sure. That's kind of like it's like
• 1:07:15
  it's a. Lot of money though.
• 1:07:17
  Yeah, it is. It's a.
• 1:07:19
  Lot of money. And that's like the cheapest.
• 1:07:23
  I know, yeah. I mean usually.
• 1:07:25
  They're by far. Yeah.
• 1:07:27
  I mean, they're, I think like 3 to 5 grand is a normal price
• 1:07:31
  range in Los Angeles. Yeah, I think the ones that
• 1:07:35
  we've looked at, yeah, we're like 1500.
• 1:07:43
  But then they would be like 1/2 day or not like a full, full
• 1:07:47
  day. I did it.
• 1:07:50
  I I recently did an episode about like all the.
• 1:07:52
  Yeah, I saw that so. That's, you know, nice and you
• 1:07:57
  just, yeah, once they go to school, it's kind of it's
• 1:08:00
  definitely, definitely a game changer.
• 1:08:02
  What I've experienced, though, with my friends who've had whose
• 1:08:06
  kids are like had now have gone through like later elementary
• 1:08:09
  years, right? Is this shift happened where
• 1:08:12
  there was like, OK, I don't have the baby full time now they're
• 1:08:15
  in school. So I have those hours.
• 1:08:17
  But then once the kids start making are like 6:00-ish, then I
• 1:08:23
  thought I was, I thought like at six or seven and they did too.
• 1:08:26
  They were like, Hey, I'm back. And instead it's, it's now their
• 1:08:31
  kids friends activities are so it's just so many.
• 1:08:41
  And and so now it feels like there's less time because now
• 1:08:47
  they're getting their kids to do all these, they're doing all
• 1:08:50
  these things at night. And then the weekends are just
• 1:08:54
  like Saturday boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, Sunday, boom, boom,
• 1:08:58
  boom, boom, drop them off on Monday morning, get life done
• 1:09:03
  because you can't get it done on the weekends.
• 1:09:05
  And then pick them up from school and then homework
• 1:09:11
  activities, boom, boom, boom, boom, put them down at around
• 1:09:16
  8:00. And then you're just inundated
• 1:09:19
  with like 80 text messages from all the other moms of the of the
• 1:09:24
  schools of the programs of the activities, because everyone's
• 1:09:27
  putting their kid down at 8. And so it's just like everyone's
• 1:09:30
  like, hey, what about this and do we have an and what it is so
• 1:09:32
  we can find this? And so I have not seen in them a
• 1:09:37
  ton of parental responsibility relief as they get older.
• 1:09:44
  Oh, from yeah, yeah. I mean that does make me it's
• 1:09:50
  helping me talk myself into I think 1 and done because because
• 1:09:56
  it's like the struggle that I'm having right now that I I'm sure
• 1:10:02
  any listeners are like please shut up and either have one or
• 1:10:05
  don't. But but yeah, I'm like one other
• 1:10:11
  humans schedule. I can it's a lot feel like I can
• 1:10:15
  handle again. She's not even 3 yet but it's
• 1:10:20
  like but I'm like how are there only 30 kids in the school yet
• 1:10:25
  there's 8000 birthday parties? I don't. 8000 birthday parties
• 1:10:31
  and then you're getting into like their siblings like once
• 1:10:35
  because then it's like it's not just Amanda's birthday party
• 1:10:40
  that your daughter wants to go to, it's also her sister Carla.
• 1:10:45
  So now it's like. You're not invited.
• 1:10:48
  She's not in your class. So because I'm because Amanda
• 1:10:51
  feels lonely and needs a friend to be with her at Carla's
• 1:10:54
  birthday and so they want you to bring your daughter to hang out
• 1:11:00
  with Amanda during Carla's birthday so that Amanda doesn't
• 1:11:03
  feel lonely. I guess it's easier to bring 2
• 1:11:07
  than one. I don't know.
• 1:11:09
  Honestly, I don't know. I don't know.
• 1:11:11
  The kids schedule is mind boggling to me It is.
• 1:11:13
  I it's mind boggling. It is.
• 1:11:15
  Yeah, I do think parents, I mean, do what you want to do,
• 1:11:19
  but I feel like there's you don't have to do, your kid
• 1:11:25
  doesn't have to do 50 sports at a time.
• 1:11:30
  Yeah, but what if they want to? If they want to, maybe that's a
• 1:11:33
  different story, but like maybe try one at a time because also
• 1:11:38
  those getting those get expensive too.
• 1:11:41
  It's. So expensive.
• 1:11:43
  That's the thing with like talking to people, like talking
• 1:11:46
  to other parents at the park where you're like, oh, did your
• 1:11:49
  kid play XY and Z? How much do you pay?
• 1:11:51
  What are you doing? Like I feel like we think it is
• 1:11:54
  rude to be like, how much are you paying?
• 1:11:58
  Because I'm not going to look into it if it's I'm.
• 1:12:01
  Not going to get my kid excited if you can't afford that sport
• 1:12:05
  as well, right? Exactly.
• 1:12:08
  People don't understand in LA, your kid isn't just doing
• 1:12:12
  soccer. Your kid is doing soccer with
• 1:12:17
  the children of professional soccer players.
• 1:12:22
  It's not a, it's not a casual thing here.
• 1:12:24
  Like your kid isn't in a school play with other kids doing a
• 1:12:29
  school play. Your kid is in a school play
• 1:12:33
  with Adele's children. And, and they're not just going
• 1:12:39
  to birthday parties, they're going to birthday extravaganzas
• 1:12:45
  that cost as much as your wedding cost.
• 1:12:49
  I feel like that is a hard thing.
• 1:12:51
  I'm in. I'm interested in how how that's
• 1:12:56
  going to play out and where it's like, yeah, if she you know,
• 1:13:03
  she's she's going to go to this public school that we like that
• 1:13:08
  we've are like that seems great. But like, yeah, if she already,
• 1:13:12
  she has friends, a lot of my friends, they're in homes and
• 1:13:17
  like, you know, we've kind of gotten over mostly the fact that
• 1:13:24
  it's like, oh, they have houses and like we're not having all of
• 1:13:30
  the play dates over at our apartment.
• 1:13:35
  Like, but I'm not going to, like, vocalize that because I
• 1:13:39
  don't want my daughter to think like her home is her home.
• 1:13:43
  And like the time that she did have a friend over who, like
• 1:13:47
  when we go to her house, it's like, wow, this is crap.
• 1:13:52
  But like, her friend came over here and my daughter was like,
• 1:13:56
  do you want to see my house? It's so beautiful.
• 1:13:59
  And I was like, I'm dead on the floor sobbing.
• 1:14:03
  Yeah. It's like, but in LA you do have
• 1:14:07
  that like juxtaposition of like, you know, that's all of LA where
• 1:14:12
  it's either like top or bottom. Like there's, it's, there's
• 1:14:19
  really no like I feel like no like middle class here.
• 1:14:25
  I mean, Jesse and I talk about it all the time.
• 1:14:27
  My husband and I talk about all the time and how parenthood
• 1:14:30
  relates to that because, you know, we are middle class in Los
• 1:14:36
  Angeles. We're one of like 3 people that
• 1:14:39
  we know that are. And you know, we don't have
• 1:14:43
  children and so that expense is not put upon us.
• 1:14:47
  We don't have student loan debts.
• 1:14:51
  We're just got very lucky in that.
• 1:14:54
  And we don't own a home, so we don't have house debt and we
• 1:15:01
  don't have a carpet. We own our cars, so we don't
• 1:15:04
  have that. But so that's what we're always
• 1:15:07
  like. What, what is everyone doing?
• 1:15:09
  Like where, where, where is your money?
• 1:15:11
  Who is paying for your things? Where, what is happening?
• 1:15:14
  Because it does feel it feels insurmountable to even just
• 1:15:22
  maintain middle class. And that's not just Los Angeles.
• 1:15:27
  I mean, the the whole country is expensive now with very few
• 1:15:33
  exceptions, and so I don't I don't know how how people are
• 1:15:40
  are juggling all of it. But more than anything, I just
• 1:15:43
  want people to understand and feel a lot of empathy for
• 1:15:47
  themselves and compassion for each other that whatever
• 1:15:51
  anyone's math is is, you know, likely not your business.
• 1:15:55
  And also, you're probably not being a jerk.
• 1:16:00
  You know, it's like you're not earning more because there's
• 1:16:02
  something wrong with you. It's like, well, that person has
• 1:16:04
  a house, mostly likely because their parents put the down
• 1:16:08
  payment on the House and now they're due, they're paying rent
• 1:16:13
  essentially for the house. And what?
• 1:16:16
  But you don't have 100 and dollars to throw in to the down
• 1:16:22
  payment on a house, which is what it costs in Los Angeles,
• 1:16:24
  which is different than other markets.
• 1:16:27
  Yeah, We'll have friends that are like, you just have to get
• 1:16:29
  in the market. And I'm like with what?
• 1:16:33
  Girl I know. And I'm like what?
• 1:16:36
  Pay $12.00 in the bag. I know exactly like exactly I
• 1:16:41
  don't. Think we're living in the same
• 1:16:44
  reality but not to say yeah it you know yeah, but before we run
• 1:16:53
  out of time, I've already well, let's talk about self tape me.
• 1:16:58
  Let's do How did you even? Where did that come from?
• 1:17:04
  I had started my own self tape practice long before self tapes
• 1:17:09
  really were even a permanent thing.
• 1:17:11
  I started self tape practice in 2014 and I did it for two years
• 1:17:16
  and I did my own self tapes on during the daytime.
• 1:17:21
  So I would learn sides for an hour in the evening and then
• 1:17:24
  Monday through Thursday I would learn sides for an hour in the
• 1:17:27
  evening. And then the next day I would
• 1:17:30
  give myself one or two takes to perform on Tuesday through
• 1:17:35
  Friday so that I was doing it four days a week.
• 1:17:38
  And I did that for two years and I started working a lot.
• 1:17:43
  So that was nice. And I just sort of realized that
• 1:17:47
  we're all going around paying people to teach us how to do
• 1:17:51
  self tapes. And at that time, I had quit my
• 1:17:55
  serving job and was just pursuing acting full time.
• 1:18:00
  And I didn't. And I had, you know, I've been,
• 1:18:02
  like I said, I've been acting forever.
• 1:18:04
  So I didn't feel that I necessarily needed to go to
• 1:18:07
  somebody to teach me how to do audition practice.
• 1:18:11
  I was like, I think I could do it by myself, by myself and I
• 1:18:15
  needed my husband to read with me in the morning.
• 1:18:17
  But we literally had a rule of 2 takes at Max.
• 1:18:21
  So he could just say another just try it another way.
• 1:18:25
  Or he'd give me a specific direction because it was all
• 1:18:28
  about being flexible with the idea of getting one or two
• 1:18:31
  takes. Because in the time some it was
• 1:18:33
  like 5050 in the room and self tapes.
• 1:18:35
  And so the ones that were in the room felt like ha and and so I
• 1:18:40
  just needed to get comfortable with will you going to get one
• 1:18:43
  to two chances? Good luck.
• 1:18:45
  And so I did that for two years and it wasn't that hard and I
• 1:18:52
  got a lot better and I got a lot more comfortable.
• 1:18:57
  And I am always looking for actors to stop spending money on
• 1:19:02
  shit that they don't need to spend money on because as we
• 1:19:04
  said, it's a real thing in our community.
• 1:19:09
  And so I just one year in the podcast, I said you guys wanted
• 1:19:13
  to like subsite May. I don't know.
• 1:19:15
  I was literally like this. Like, I don't know, sure, why
• 1:19:18
  not, let's just do it. And people did because May is a
• 1:19:22
  notoriously slow month in the industry.
• 1:19:25
  Nothing happens in May, which is exciting for anyone looking to
• 1:19:30
  have some time to really work on the work, and it's just about
• 1:19:35
  doing the tapes. Make it as easy for you as
• 1:19:38
  possible to just start getting some practice in.
• 1:19:41
  I encourage people to do whatever is best.
• 1:19:45
  If you're already in class, do stuff you're already doing in
• 1:19:47
  class. Just tape it again.
• 1:19:50
  If you're if you're doing a workshop, do that material.
• 1:19:54
  If you have old auditions, redo your old auditions.
• 1:19:58
  See about progress. And now that there's not
• 1:20:00
  pressure on you and, and it's free, it's it's a free movement.
• 1:20:06
  And I just encourage people to join.
• 1:20:11
  Join hands with each other virtually or in person.
• 1:20:15
  Grab your husband slash reader. You grab your upstairs neighbor,
• 1:20:20
  you grab your friends in class, go on the Internet and grab a
• 1:20:26
  reader and just just get in the practice of having as many
• 1:20:32
  auditions as you wish that you had.
• 1:20:35
  Yeah, yeah. Which is more than we're
• 1:20:40
  probably having right now. What's really most people want 4
• 1:20:44
  auditions a week and then they have absolutely no capacity for
• 1:20:47
  four auditions a week. And so it's just like training
• 1:20:50
  for anything. If you want to have the capacity
• 1:20:53
  to run a 20 mile marathon, then you probably should practice
• 1:20:59
  running a lot. Yeah, because.
• 1:21:02
  Yeah, I think it's it. It makes me nervous because I
• 1:21:06
  want to be like, you know, of course as a parent, I want to be
• 1:21:09
  like, I have a kid, I'm too busy.
• 1:21:12
  But it's like you're a. Kid great.
• 1:21:14
  You know how many people put their kid on them?
• 1:21:17
  Yeah, well, this you it's like this is the good time to
• 1:21:22
  practice that where it's like OK, there aren't steaks really.
• 1:21:28
  So like, OK, great, I can practice OK if I have, if she
• 1:21:33
  has school when like this is a good time for parents to
• 1:21:38
  practice that scheduling part of it 'cause I the scheduling part
• 1:21:43
  of it is. Murder.
• 1:21:45
  What is the worst 'cause I get an audition and I'm my first
• 1:21:49
  thing, when is it due? And I'm like, yeah, OK.
• 1:21:53
  It's never convenient. It's never convenient.
• 1:21:56
  Auditions are never like, oh amazing, I had nothing planned
• 1:22:00
  today, Nothing to do, nowhere to be.
• 1:22:04
  Luckily I have this audition that I get to spend the next 36
• 1:22:08
  hours indulging in. Yeah, so it works.
• 1:22:13
  I, you know, I feel like, yeah, it's more it's probably better
• 1:22:19
  as a a parent to use the self tape may to your advantage to
• 1:22:25
  practice that like be like, oh, OK, if if I have these due this
• 1:22:31
  week, this is like make make your yourself tape, do times and
• 1:22:40
  pretend that that's when they're due.
• 1:22:42
  And again, there's no steaks, but you got to make steaks, fish
• 1:22:50
  for yourself where it's like, yeah.
• 1:22:54
  So you have to practice at the volume in which you want to
• 1:22:58
  receive. Yeah.
• 1:22:59
  That just makes sense. And part of the hard thing about
• 1:23:03
  practicing the volume is like if you're going to practice running
• 1:23:07
  to 20 miles for a marathon, there are real things that are
• 1:23:11
  just schedule and body and Wellness.
• 1:23:14
  How often can you do that? How does your body recover?
• 1:23:18
  What sort of support do you need from people?
• 1:23:21
  It's going to take you more than 3 minutes to run a 20 mile
• 1:23:25
  marathon. So making sure that you have the
• 1:23:28
  actual time to do that. But essentially it's for free
• 1:23:33
  without having to pay a bunch of people to do something you can
• 1:23:37
  do for yourself. Just show up for yourself and
• 1:23:43
  use that time to figure out what's not working, whether it's
• 1:23:48
  in your schedule, whether it's your support system, whether
• 1:23:52
  it's the self tape is facing your daughter's room and so she
• 1:23:58
  can't sleep, whatever it is. Just like solve that in, in a,
• 1:24:03
  in a self tape practice rather than when you get the audition
• 1:24:07
  so that you're panicked about it so that then it doesn't work
• 1:24:10
  out. And so then you finish the
• 1:24:11
  audition and then you submit it and you hit send and then you
• 1:24:14
  SOB for four hours because like, you don't have your, I don't
• 1:24:18
  have what I need. I don't have.
• 1:24:19
  And I'm so mad at myself. It's like, well, learn.
• 1:24:21
  I'd rather you SOB and practice. So that way you're taking the
• 1:24:25
  pressure off when it happens. You have systems in place
• 1:24:28
  already to handle it. Yeah.
• 1:24:32
  I think it's, yeah, I think it scares me as a parent, but I
• 1:24:37
  hate, I hate. And like, you know, sometimes
• 1:24:40
  I'll do it to myself, but maybe it's different coming from my
• 1:24:42
  husband where he's like, well, we have kids or whatever.
• 1:24:45
  Or whenever somebody says that and I'm like, so does everyone.
• 1:24:50
  So not, but you still have to compete anyway.
• 1:24:52
  But right, that's the truth. Like it I can't.
• 1:24:57
  Like yeah, you can use your kid for an excuse to not go to a
• 1:25:01
  party you don't want to go to, but like, we can't use them as
• 1:25:05
  an excuse for your career 'cause then.
• 1:25:10
  You can, but then it's going to have an effect on your career,
• 1:25:13
  right? Like if you and I are
• 1:25:15
  auditioning for the same role and I don't have children, I get
• 1:25:19
  48 hours and you have children and you get 48 hours, my 48
• 1:25:25
  hours are going to be different than yours.
• 1:25:27
  Just like if I had a parent with Alzheimer's and you didn't have
• 1:25:34
  a parent with Alzheimer's and I was the full time caregiver to
• 1:25:38
  my parent, then being ready for the audition.
• 1:25:42
  It's just, it's just going to look different on me than it is
• 1:25:46
  on you, even though you're a caretaker and I'm a caretaker.
• 1:25:50
  They're, they're just different equations.
• 1:25:52
  But at the end of the day, if you are expected to execute at a
• 1:25:56
  level that is the same as someone else who has different
• 1:26:00
  circumstances than you, well, you're all expected to execute.
• 1:26:03
  And once you start getting competitive, everyone's good.
• 1:26:08
  Everyone is good, everyone's good, everyone has
• 1:26:11
  relationships, everyone, everyone has a shot.
• 1:26:15
  And so are you going to be able to show up in the way that you
• 1:26:23
  are capable of showing up given your circumstances?
• 1:26:28
  Yeah, yeah. Well, I just tried four.
• 1:26:31
  I just tell people, just try to do 4.
• 1:26:33
  Don't try to do 16, just try to do 4.
• 1:26:36
  Thank you. Yeah, you have a toddler.
• 1:26:39
  Try 4 because your toddler's not going to be a toddler forever.
• 1:26:42
  And so if this year you do 4 and next year you do 8 and next year
• 1:26:46
  you do 12, you know you'll be happy you did 4.
• 1:26:52
  Right. Yeah.
• 1:26:53
  It's like you're going to be once you once you do it, you're
• 1:26:57
  never. Yeah.
• 1:27:01
  Well, I will ask you one final question which will be
• 1:27:05
  interesting from another perspective of what has been,
• 1:27:10
  what is currently your lifesaver at the moment it's.
• 1:27:15
  Getting oh God, so many things. I mean, probably usually
• 1:27:22
  therapy, you know, mostly therapy.
• 1:27:28
  I've been doing therapy off and on since I was like 6 and I, I'm
• 1:27:37
  always grateful for the perspective of people who have
• 1:27:41
  no stake in my life and the perspective that they can bring
• 1:27:48
  to my experience of my life and the choices of my life.
• 1:27:52
  And always my husband. I mean, he is such a grounded,
• 1:27:58
  kind, talented, supportive person.
• 1:28:03
  And, you know, he's the person that if I'm, you know, sitting
• 1:28:06
  at night and I'm like, I'm just not trying hard enough.
• 1:28:09
  And he's like, you're crazy. Literally not a single person on
• 1:28:13
  earth thinks Audrey Moore's not trying hard enough.
• 1:28:15
  So you need to go to sleep. And, and I, I think that's
• 1:28:21
  extremely valuable. I feel very fortunate to not
• 1:28:24
  only live with somebody who is so lovely, but also to live with
• 1:28:30
  somebody and love somebody that I trust so much so that I can
• 1:28:35
  trust it. If I'm being crazy, if I'm
• 1:28:38
  acting a little weird, then he'll just say like, let's calm
• 1:28:41
  down. And that's really valuable.
• 1:28:44
  Well, it's also your anniversary.
• 1:28:46
  Right. It was 15 years.
• 1:28:48
  Yeah. That was lovely.
• 1:28:49
  Thank you. Thank you so much.
• 1:28:52
  Oh my gosh. Well this has been so, so
• 1:28:55
  lovely. Yay.
• 1:28:57
  Glad we. Thank you for having me on.
• 1:28:59
  And thank you for being so, so open and transparent about
• 1:29:05
  everything. I I love it.
• 1:29:07
  I appreciate it. It's my brand transparency.
• 1:29:09
  It's my brand. All right, Well, thank you so
• 1:29:13
  much for having me on. I was really glad I could do it.
• 1:29:14
  And thanks for all you're doing for your community and for
• 1:29:17
  making sure that people feel less alone in their parenting
• 1:29:20
  journey. I hope so.
• 1:29:22
  Thank you so much I. Appreciate you got it.
• 1:29:25
  All right. I'll chat soon, OK?
• 1:29:36
  Bye.