Latest / Unspoken Career Truths / Feedback Week! Part 1: The Art of Receiving Feedback

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Feedback Week! Part 1: The Art of Receiving Feedback · Unspoken Career Truths

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  Hey Lauren. Hey Cara.
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  Do you remember the first time that you sat down and had to get
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  employee feedback like employer feed from your boss?
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  Yes, I do very distinctly. And the reason I say that is
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  because I remember being like, Oh my gosh, I need to do all
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  these things tomorrow. Like I felt so felt like it was
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  good feedback, but I was like, I have to work on it.
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  Like what's the plan? How do I fix this?
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  And it was kind of overwhelming. Welcome to unspoken career
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  truths. I'm Cara Wood.
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  And I'm Lauren Levac Gilbert. And we're here to be the Co
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  workers you can trust. In just 10 minutes we'll cover
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  the strategies you need, the mistakes to avoid, and the
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  insider secrets no one tells you so you can show up with
• 0:41
  confidence at work. We are talking today about
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  feedback and I really wanted to start, we're going to spend this
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  whole week talking about feedback because there is
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  getting feedback and there's giving feedback.
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  But actually we really wanted to start with receiving it because
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  early in your career, often there's really formal vehicles
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  for you to get feedback, but there aren't always the formal
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  vehicles for you to necessarily give it or there might be just
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  kind of vague questions at the end of something.
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  And so we're going to talk about how to give good feedback later
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  when you are, you know, you have a little bit more power of
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  people reporting to you. But for now, everyone's
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  experienced this where you have to, you have to sit and get
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  feedback. So that's the topic.
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  And I feel like this is kind of a kitschy line and maybe we
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  should do a wisdom under fire on this.
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  But like people always say, feedback is a gift.
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  And I do agree with that because I think it's important to hear
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  from other people's perspective. But it also takes time to really
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  understand that and be comfortable with that,
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  especially if you're someone who like takes things critically or
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  like really might potentially overthink things.
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  So feedback is definitely a growth opportunity for most
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  people. Yeah, but it's not how I started
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  with feedback, right? It's not how I first felt about
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  feedback. So I did want to ask like just
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  sort of you like, how do you typically react to it?
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  And how did that evolve over time?
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  Like now it sounds like, you know it's a gift, but you just
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  told the story of it being super overwhelming to get all these
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  things to do. Yeah, I think when I was
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  probably younger in my career, I had a ton of, I was a
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  perfectionist and I think I had a bit of imposter syndrome too.
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  So when receiving feedback, it always felt like this is
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  something I need to go change immediately.
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  Like, how do I fix it? How do I work on it?
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  And I'm someone who likes like build out a plan and understand
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  the steps to get there. So for me, it was just like kind
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  of all hands on deck, let's figure this out.
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  Like I need to go and fix this now.
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  Like how can I check in on it? And the way I kind of think,
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  think about it now is you first need to understand where the
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  feedback is coming from because the feedback is coming from
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  someone who has a specific angle or approach or they interact
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  with you in some way. So first understand that because
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  feedback is a gift, but it also doesn't mean that it's always
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  correct. The second piece is like really
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  sitting down and reflecting about it rather than being
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  worried that you need to go fix something like right away,
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  understand what is, what are they saying?
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  What do I need to potentially change or do I not need to
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  change anything? And then how do I go from here?
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  So I think I'm a little bit more Zen about feedback.
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  Now, and I'm so glad you brought that up because we're going to,
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  we're going to talk through a framework that has those two
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  time scales specifically in mind.
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  What should you do in the room when you're getting the
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  feedback? And then what should you do a
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  couple days later when you've had time to digest the feedback?
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  Cara, I love that you said that because it's also, it's the way
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  I kind of think about it is also like receiving a compliment,
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  like you need to understand how to receive the feedback because
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  sometimes it can be, it can just kind of happen out of the blue
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  and you'll just be like, like, I don't know what to say or I
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  don't know what to do. So I'm yes, 100%. 100% And I was
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  going to say for me as a writer, you're getting, if, if you're
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  not getting feedback line by line feedback on your writing,
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  like find another editor because that is actually the best
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  editor. Those are the best editors to
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  work under. And so I early days, actually
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  before I was even paid to write, I had, you know, news college
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  newspaper editors pull up a chair and I, they would
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  literally just like totally tear apart my writing like line by
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  line by line, which is hard, but it's actually amazing.
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  And you learn so much and what you also learn.
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  So how my, my time with feedback has really changed.
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  I finally learned after years of this to stay quiet and actually
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  listen and really be like an active listener when you're
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  first getting feedback because there's time to defend yourself
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  and there's there's time to gather evidence.
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  But if you're not listening and you're planning your response,
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  you're not listening. So that is like my number one
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  way that I've changed is I've gotten much better at just
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  stopping and realizing I'm getting feedback.
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  Let me stop and then completely listen to the feedback.
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  The other thing that that really made me think of is I think as I
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  matured in my career, it was separating the feedback from me
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  as a human being. Like I used to feel like a, like
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  an attack in some way about like me or who I am.
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  And that's, that's not what feedback is.
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  The feedback is an opportunity to grow and to learn.
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  But again, it's a perspective shift and it takes time to, to
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  get to that. But I, I think sometimes feel
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  it, people feel like it's a personal attack.
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  And so it gets really intermingled emotionally into
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  like who you are as a person. But that's not really the point
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  of the feedback. Yeah, and I'm really glad you
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  brought that up because I feel like we get different kinds of
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  feedback. Like I have gotten, again, I got
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  lots of feedback in my writing and sometimes I've gotten
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  feedback in my writing from someone who's not a
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  sophisticated editor and like they've literally highlighted a
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  word I wrote and just wrote in yuck in the comments.
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  And like, that's not fun. But but then you also actually
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  sometimes do get feedback. I don't know if this has
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  happened to you, Lauren, where I've gotten feedback on, it's
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  not, again, it's not personality things, but it's behavior.
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  It's behavior that's around my job.
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  So like someone, a colleague of mine gave me feedback once that
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  I was taking notes on my computer, which meant I was
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  looking at my computer during meetings and that made her feel
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  like she, we were further away from each other.
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  And that was actually great feedback because she was super
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  specific. But it was also like, Oh, yeah,
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  that's just, I'm, that's how I take notes.
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  Like do I have to stop and change the way I take notes?
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  Like, no, realizing that if I open my computer, I was sending
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  her a signal and we could have that open communication about,
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  hey, I do want to record this or let me write down this thing.
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  It really changed our just our dynamic.
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  But at first, it felt personal. But I think that's why I also
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  had mentioned, like, you need to understand where the feedback is
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  coming from from the person, right?
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  Because they might be, to your point, interpreting a signal
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  differently than how you're interpreting it.
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  So it's really important to understand who the feedback is
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  coming from, where they sit and where their perspective is.
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  And it gives you a way different view of the feedback in general.
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  Yeah. And that's actually.
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  So there's a little framework I kind of mentioned at the start,
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  like what should you be doing in the moment?
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  Listening. And I would say again, try 80%
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  to just listen actively science. You're like, want to react or
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  defend and then clarify. So exactly what you're saying,
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  Lauren, like once you do, once they have given you the
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  feedback, make sure that you understood it.
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  Like repeat back and ask them the context.
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  Because a lot of times someone's giving you contacts for a
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  specific scenario. Like have they given you some
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  specific evidence that they recently this is what happened.
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  Can you walk me through, Can you give me an example?
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  And then the last one, which is like a little bit
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  unconventional, is actually like appreciate.
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  So in the moment, if you can thank the person because they've
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  taken the time and even if they're writing yuck, they've
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  taken the time to to say this isn't working for me now,
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  clarifying why it wasn't working for them and then being like,
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  thank you for both your time and telling me it wasn't working.
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  And then your time to tell me why is, you know, phenomenal.
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  I love that. Appreciation is important and
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  that's something to work towards, right?
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  Like if you're on this journey, maybe you're first starting in
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  your career, or maybe you're, you're mostly through your
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  career. It, it has taken time to evolve
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  into a level of comfort around feedback.
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  But I also think it's important to listen to our other piece of
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  this episode because not everybody is good at giving
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  feedback. Yeah.
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  And I would say like actually the earlier in your career, you
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  can be like, yes, I do want feedback.
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  The you're setting yourself up to get all the advice from the
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  people who are going to give it. Yeah, take that advice from
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  them, but. I think that the one thing I'll
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  add to that, Cara, is also ask feedback about like what you're
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  doing well, like what did they see as your strengths or where
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  did they see opportunities for you to learn more or grow like
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  that? That is also some of the most
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  beautiful types of feedback. Like I've asked you before,
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  Cara, like what do you think are my superpowers or like what are
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  some of the things that you think different me differentiate
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  me from other people? And it's great to hear your
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  perspective because you see it from a in different eyes.
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  Yeah, that's true. And I, I think because one of
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  the things that you mentioned was like getting feedback and
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  then not knowing what to do next.
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  So like during that appreciation stage, you can also be like, how
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  do we work together from here? You know when you especially
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  when you get hard feedback for to like turn around and say to
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  the person you still want to work with them is actually like
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  helpful to both of you and then. Comfortably also say like I need
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  AI need I need some time to digest this, can we revisit this
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  tomorrow or something? Like be comfortable giving
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  yourself space to think and to review and then come back with
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  an answer. I'm not someone who's
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  necessarily the best on the fly responding to those things, but
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  once I have like time to think about it, I can come back with a
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  better response or thoughts or something like that.
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  So don't be afraid to give yourself some space.
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  Yeah, because that was just the in the moment the list and
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  clarify A preach, but that appreciate.
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  But then there's, what do you do over the next couple of days
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  once you have had that time to like digest and you know,
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  reflect gut check. Like is, is some of this
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  resonating? Is some of it not like, hey,
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  actually, I don't think this is actually fitting with who I am
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  or what I want to achieve. Like that's totally fine.
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  You don't have to accept all feedback, but just, you know,
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  give it some space and then decide how or what you want to
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  change. And then finally, actually, I
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  would encourage like check back in with a person, like say to
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  them, you know, hey, I thought about your feedback.
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  You can ask more clarifying questions.
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  You can come up with an action plan.
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  That's the time when you've had time to think and digest what
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  they've said. Just sort of come back and turn
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  around, not expecting yourself to like, you know, be able to
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  respond on the fly when they're first telling you this new
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  information. And I love the the structure,
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  the framework. So listen, clarify, appreciate,
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  because it also gives your brain something to do instead of like
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  worrying about what comes next. So if those things are helpful
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  for you, write them down and like try to practice them the
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  next time you give feedback or go ask someone for feedback and
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  then use this practice and then it'll become second nature.
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  Totally. And so to wrap up, I think our
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  takeaways like feed feedback and receiving feedback is a journey.
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  It's an ongoing thing. You're going to change how you
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  do it and like learn the skills that you need to do it well.
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  It's also a two-part strategy. So how you act when you're first
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  getting feedback, you know that listen, clarify, appreciate.
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  And then what you do the next day, you know, gut check with
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  yourself, decide what you want to take and what you want to do,
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  and then check back in with the person who gave you the
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  feedback. I love it.
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  And stay tuned for the second episode of Yeah.
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  Later on Thursday, we're going to talk about giving feedback.
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  Dun Dun, Dun, and that's a wrap. Thanks for joining us on
• 11:40
  Unspoken Career Truths. Don't forget to follow us on
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  Spotify and Instagram. And if you like this episode,
• 11:45
  share it with a friend.