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When The Rug Gets Pulled · Is Your Way In Your Way?

0:25
Cassandra: Hello, hello out there, and I'd like to welcome you to Is Your Way in Your Way podcast.
0:31
Cassandra: And I'm your host for those who do not have never ever heard of this podcast.
0:36
Cassandra: My name is Cassandra Crawley Mayo.
0:40
Cassandra: Now, this podcast actually helps you uncover what I'm calling those internal barriers, where it's preventing you from living your best life and/or the life you were ordained for, andor the life that you know some of us that God has for us.
1:00
Cassandra: And it all boils down to living your best life on your terms.
1:08
Cassandra: And that means living a way that maximizes your personal happiness, true self, and fulfillment as opposed to going through the motions.
1:20
Cassandra: Now, let me ask you a couple questions.
1:23
Cassandra: And before we get started, before I talk to you about the title, um, what if the life you worked your entire life for suddenly went away?
1:36
Cassandra: For example, let's say you worked years on a job and all of a sudden you got laid off.
1:43
Cassandra: Let's say that you landed on a dream role, and the role that you always wanted, you encounter what I'm calling burnout and a toxic relationship.
1:56
Cassandra: Also, what if you were an entrepreneur who build a thriving business and based on the economy, you were not able to maintain financially?
2:08
Cassandra: Also, someone that may have poured into a marriage for years and then it ends?
2:14
Cassandra: Hey, tell me about that.
2:16
Cassandra: Um, and it doesn't, it doesn't, things don't happen not gradually, gradually, not gently, but in a way that has forced you to just stop doing what in fact you were doing.
2:30
Cassandra: So here's the real question Would you still believe you have purpose, or would you feel your life has been put on pause?
2:38
Cassandra: Think about that.
2:39
Cassandra: And that's why today the title of the message is The Rug Pulled From Under You.
2:47
Cassandra: So today's conversation is actually going to challenge everything you thought about in regards to purpose.
2:54
Cassandra: Because what if your greatest limitation is actually where your calling began?
3:00
Cassandra: Perhaps this thing that's happened to you, some of the examples that I shared, is not to punish you, but to reveal who you really are without what you have been currently doing.
3:12
Cassandra: And we know many of us have gone through this.
3:15
Cassandra: So I'm going to introduce to you my wonderful guest who I would say the rug has pulled completely under her, from under her.
3:24
Cassandra: And her name is Lara Silverman.
3:27
Cassandra: Hi, Lara.
3:28
Cassandra: Hi, Cassandra.
3:29
Cassandra: So nice to meet you.
3:31
Cassandra: I am so glad.
3:32
Cassandra: I was looking forward to this conversation.
3:34
Cassandra: Me too.
3:35
Cassandra: Yeah, so joining me, Laura is a best-selling author, Stanford trained attorney, jazz singer, and a comedian, and a host of the Singing Through Fire podcast and her powerful memoir.
3:53
Cassandra: Now, her life once looked like many would call the dream, the real dream, elite education, high-powered legal career, and limitless opportunity.
4:05
Cassandra: But I think it was around 2018, and she would correct me.
4:10
Cassandra: Everything changed for her.
4:12
Cassandra: Today, Lara is 70% dead-ridden.
4:17
Cassandra: Yet somehow she is more impactful, she's more creative and more anchored and purpose than ever before.
4:25
Cassandra: So through her faith, her voice, and her unwavering faith in God, she is showing the world what it truly means to rise, even when life forces her to be still.
4:37
Cassandra: So, okay, guys, this actually, I would say this conversation that Laura and I are getting ready to have, it's actually a mirror for you.
4:47
Cassandra: It is not so much about Laura's story as it is about what her story is going to reveal to you, to us.
4:55
Cassandra: Again, everybody, welcome to the show.
5:00
Cassandra: Hey, so Laura, yes, before your illness, your life was marked with so many achievements, it was unbelievable.
5:13
Cassandra: Now I'm curious, and I and I know you're gonna be honest, because I I know you, I've heard you, I've listened to your podcast.
5:21
Cassandra: How much of what you had done was tied to your identity?
5:33
Lara: Oh my gosh, Cassandra, I would say not even 100%, 120.
5:39
Lara: I mean, I've been a believer since I was very young.
5:42
Lara: And you know, people say, Oh, but you know, I thought I was putting my identity in Christ, but functionally it was basically living, you know, carnally in a sense of, you know, I loved the Lord, but my identity was all Lord, you're gonna bless my career, and Lord, we're on the right path together.
5:59
Lara: So yeah, my identity was completely in the wrong buckets.
6:03
Cassandra: Okay, okay.
6:04
Cassandra: So take us back then to where everything shifted.
6:09
Cassandra: The moment you you knew life would never look the same way.
6:14
Cassandra: What ad?
6:16
Lara: So, like you said, in 2018, I had just turned 30.
6:19
Lara: I had practiced law for five years in a big law firm in downtown San Francisco, height of my game, very ambitious.
6:26
Lara: And the Lord had just opened the door to this job as a federal prosecutor at the United States Attorney's Office.
6:32
Lara: It was my dream job.
6:33
Lara: I walk in, and on the second week of that job, I fell mysteriously ill with this rare neurological illness for the first time in my life.
6:41
Lara: Had been healthy as a horse for 30 years, climbing one gold ladder to the next or gold star.
6:47
Lara: And all of a sudden, I found myself essentially bedridden.
6:51
Lara: And my family, I mean we we were just like doctors, hospitalizations, we didn't know what was going on.
6:59
Lara: You know, it turned out I had this very rare neurological disease.
7:03
Lara: And long story short, I had to resign 10 months later because they gave me a leave and said, go heal and come back.
7:09
Cassandra: Yeah.
7:10
Lara: After trying, you know, 10 drugs in 10 months, I had gotten worse.
7:14
Lara: And so from there, things went from bad to worse.
7:17
Lara: But that was the kickoff of my journey.
7:18
Lara: This was eight years ago.
7:20
Cassandra: Oh my goodness, God bless you.
7:23
Cassandra: Well, let me ask you, because I I've I've done this.
7:27
Cassandra: Um, did you wrestle with God since you had a relationship with him?
7:33
Cassandra: Um, once this illness occurred, were you like dealing with why me?
7:39
Cassandra: Like, why did I why me?
7:41
Cassandra: Why did I get laid off?
7:42
Cassandra: Why did my husband leave me?
7:44
Cassandra: You know, why why is my my finances my entrepreneur job I had for years now?
7:51
Cassandra: I can't stay afloat.
7:52
Cassandra: Were you struggling?
7:54
Cassandra: Were you upset with car?
7:56
Lara: Oh, absolutely.
7:57
Lara: I mean, at that point, I'm on a bed and I can't move.
8:01
Lara: I my mother is nursing me.
8:03
Lara: You know, the years are passing because I was bedridden strictly without being able to move for three years.
8:09
Lara: And I'm on that bed wrestling like Job with the Lord in my mind, saying, Where are you?
8:15
Lara: I don't, I mean, I felt his presence because the Holy Spirit was speaking to me and you know, coincidences in Bible verses and providential timing, like he was comforting me, but he didn't give me the why I'm here, what is happening, what is the point of this.
8:30
Lara: So there was a big wrestle there.
8:32
Lara: I mean, the bitterness in my heart, I just couldn't understand it.
8:36
Lara: And every day I had to, he would speak to me, surrender.
8:39
Lara: And yet I would wrestle with him.
8:41
Lara: I I I admit, I hate to admit it, but I was not faithful in surrendering completely.
8:48
Lara: I just kept fighting.
8:49
Lara: I feel like if I had let go sooner, the suffer there would have been less suffering.
8:54
Lara: Yes, the pain would have been there, but I would have at least been able to trust more.
8:58
Lara: Now I was trusting partially, otherwise I would have gone crazy on a bed.
9:01
Lara: But there was still this 20% where I was like, Lord, I hate this.
9:06
Lara: I just, I, this is awful.
9:08
Lara: And you took my dream of being a lawyer away.
9:10
Lara: Now I'm on a bed.
9:11
Lara: I'm an in, you know, I'm basically disabled.
9:14
Lara: So you could see how that is a natural, you know, I think it's a natural human reaction, but I wish I had had more faith at that moment in time.
9:23
Lara: I wasn't theologically equipped to know why this suffering is so severe.
9:28
Cassandra: Yes, yes, yes.
9:30
Cassandra: And I I I understand that I I remember uh when I was working, one of the individuals that was working with me all of a sudden discovered she had cancer.
9:39
Cassandra: And the first thing she says, why me?
9:43
Cassandra: Yeah, she's very angry, angry.
9:46
Cassandra: And and of course, you know, there's scriptures in the Bible somewhat that says, Don't question God.
9:52
Cassandra: Right.
9:53
Cassandra: We all question God.
9:56
Cassandra: It's it's when I think about that, I think about even God um on uh when when his father said you're gonna have to suffer.
10:05
Cassandra: So he questioned, he said, Why do I have to?
10:07
Cassandra: He asked three times, take this cup away from me.
10:10
Cassandra: You know, so Jesus asked God, like what is going on?
10:14
Cassandra: So so I get that.
10:15
Cassandra: So as you were going through that process, did you feel were you clear?
10:22
Cassandra: Did you feel your purpose was slipping away because you got your dream job?
10:28
Lara: Yes, it was like, Lord, why did you open this door?
10:31
Lara: I am so confused because you opened it only to close it.
10:35
Lara: You know, I had finally reached the height of my goal.
10:37
Lara: I had always wanted to be a federal prosecutor, I had trained for it in college, in law school, working at the Department of Justice in Washington, D.C., this, that, and then boom, the rug gets pulled out, you know, from under me.
10:49
Lara: So it was very, but I will tell you, Cassandra, that the Holy Spirit was powerfully with me because the day that I was either going to resign, I mean, I didn't have a choice.
10:57
Lara: I couldn't go back, I was bedridden, but I had to send in my formal resignation.
11:01
Lara: And my devotional in my Christian app that day was, are you confused because the Lord opened a door only to close it?
11:09
Lara: And you know, it was like keep trusting him in the dark, his providence, his hand is still guiding you.
11:16
Lara: Trust his plan.
11:17
Lara: And I was in tears, my sister was in tears.
11:19
Lara: It was like the Lord spoke to me at that moment.
11:22
Lara: I know this is hard, I know that this makes no sense, but you need to trust my plan.
11:28
Lara: And so here we are.
11:30
Cassandra: Wow, wow.
11:32
Cassandra: Now, you know, you talk about surrender, and I don't know how many times I've surrendered in my life.
11:37
Cassandra: Like, okay, God, take it.
11:39
Cassandra: I I surrender all.
11:40
Cassandra: What does that mean?
11:43
Cassandra: You know, what does that mean when you do not have control based on the circumstances that been you've been confronted with?
11:53
Cassandra: What does that mean?
11:54
Lara: Oh my gosh, you know, it's funny because you know, before I was sick, we you know, you sing that song in church, I surrender all.
12:01
Lara: You know, it's like we sing that song, and it's like, I don't think we actually surrender until you are literally forced to surrender.
12:09
Lara: And yet Abraham is our example where God's like, oh, go kill your son, and he's like, All right, let me, I'll go do it.
12:15
Lara: I wish that I had had that faith.
12:17
Lara: For me, it was very difficult because it didn't make sense.
12:21
Lara: And I'm an analyzer, I'm all in my brain, which is my downfall.
12:25
Lara: You know, thoughts, the enemy gets in there giving you thoughts.
12:28
Lara: But so for me, it was very difficult to surrender because of my pride.
12:32
Lara: I mean, it boils down to pride essentially.
12:35
Lara: Are you going to trust that his ways are higher, that he sees the bigger picture, that he has plans that you have no idea about, that you are an ant, you know, and you know, and that God is literally the creator of the universe.
12:46
Lara: So for me, surrender has been a very long journey.
12:49
Lara: I'm at a way better point right now, eight years in, you can tell.
12:53
Lara: I mean, but it was a difficult, I don't think it's like this one moment, maybe for some people it is, but for me, there was a wrestling match for years, and I'm ashamed to say it, but I think that's what God used to sanctify me.
13:07
Cassandra: So you think God used your neurological illness to sanctify you?
13:15
Lara: Absolutely.
13:16
Lara: Are you kidding me?
13:16
Lara: I mean, where I am now in terms of more humble, more patient, more submitting to the Lord's will, more, you know, you know, putting down my self-worship of my plans, my desires, and now putting the Lord in the throne over my life, you know, rather than the 29-year-old selfish, let me go beyond the Supreme Court, you know, this is my plan, Lara, you know.
13:40
Cassandra: Yeah, yeah.
13:41
Cassandra: Wow, that that's tough.
13:43
Cassandra: But like you said, it was a journey, it didn't happen overnight.
13:46
Cassandra: No, uh, you've been bedwritten and you're still 70% bedwritten.
13:53
Lara: Yeah, and but yet you still are you still producing music and you know, I I do sing on my bed, you know, because I'm a jazz, I love singing jazz and it keeps me happy, it keeps me thriving.
14:06
Lara: It's how the Lord gives me joy in this fire.
14:08
Lara: But I, you know, because it's so difficult to even stay up long, you know, I can stay up for an hour, hour and a half, but then I have to lay back down.
14:16
Lara: I'm not doing as much music now, but I do upload some jazz songs, you know.
14:20
Lara: Whenever I can sing, play piano, I upload it to all my channels.
14:26
Cassandra: You know, in the beginning, I talked about uh what this is all about is living your best life on your terms.
14:36
Cassandra: Um, and I talked about how you maximize your happiness, um, your true self, um, fulfillment, and rather than just going through the motions.
14:48
Cassandra: And you could have gone in a different path.
15:14
Cassandra: You and you, and I'm not saying you weren't.
15:16
Cassandra: You could be bitter about what has happened to you, or you can be better.
15:21
Cassandra: And what I'm sensing, and what I've read about you, you're still making an impact.
15:26
Cassandra: What if what does living your best life mean to you as of now?
15:32
Cassandra: What does that mean?
15:35
Lara: You know, on the bitter question, like I want to be honest because I'm just sensing, like, maybe for someone out there who's listening, like for me, I was very bitter.
15:44
Lara: And you've got to read my memoir because I wanted to be honest that this is that I just it was hard for me to accept the Lord's will.
15:52
Lara: And yet you see me now, years in, where he chiseled at me and worked on me.
15:56
Lara: And now I feel like I'm just this totally new creation.
15:59
Lara: Because you know, when we accept Christ, we're automatically a new creation, but it takes a while to to you know reduce the flesh.
16:06
Lara: And now I'm in a place where I see, okay, I don't have to be bitter.
16:11
Lara: My best life now to answer your question can be the Lord's will is going to turn out in eternity to be so above what my puny brain can even see on this side of eternity.
16:22
Lara: I have to keep my focus there or I will despair.
16:25
Lara: So my best life now is every morning I get up, the world around me starts spinning in my brain, but I say, you know what, Lord, your grace is sufficient for me.
16:33
Lara: You have sustained me eight years, you're going to sustain me for more.
16:36
Lara: Whatever it is, I'm going to trust your providence.
16:39
Lara: I now know that I was a fool, literally a fool to keep fighting you because obedience leads to the eternal blessing.
16:47
Lara: Disobedience leads to loss of reward.
16:50
Lara: And in fact, the Lord even disciplined me on this recently.
16:53
Lara: I mean, I'm kind of embarrassed to say I almost don't want to share, but yeah.
16:56
Lara: You don't want to share?
16:58
Lara: Well, no, I mean, I will share in the sense that the Lord made it clear to me.
17:02
Lara: The reward was like, you are losing on eternal rewards because you are not submitting, you're not letting me take over completely.
17:11
Lara: Yeah, you're surrendered, but I want your whole heart.
17:14
Lara: And this was exacerbated after my husband died, you know, because it's like, first I lost the career, then I lose the health, then my husband died.
17:22
Lara: And so then I'm like, how long is this Job season gonna go on?
17:26
Lara: And the Lord has been with me, yes, in the grief, but he has also been disciplining me.
17:31
Lara: It's a side of his character that we don't talk about often because the Lord chastens those he loves.
17:36
Lara: And if he's trying to work on you, but you're resisting, that's gonna lead to nowhere good, you know?
17:42
Lara: And I had to learn it the hard way.
17:45
Cassandra: Yeah.
17:45
Cassandra: So when you met your husband, were you did you have this illness?
17:50
Cassandra: Yes.
17:51
Lara: So what happens, Cassandra, is I'm five years into the illness, I'm three years into a bedpan.
17:57
Lara: I have not moved, I've been hospitalized at Stanford UCSF.
18:00
Lara: People, I'm I'm about to die because I'm losing weight, I'm 80 pounds.
18:04
Lara: All of a sudden, the Lord brings this man into my life from my church just to visit me once a week.
18:09
Lara: And and and the plot twist is he was four years older than me.
18:13
Lara: He was a biochemical engineering PhD, brilliant and the most godly person I've ever met.
18:18
Lara: He was the youth pastor, you know, he sort of would volunteer his time to train the children.
18:23
Lara: He was a missionary to Haiti, he would donate all his money to Haiti.
18:27
Lara: I mean, this guy he comes in and he starts giving me a theology of suffering.
18:31
Lara: And and because I was desperate, I was like, Matt, I don't, I mean, this guy was just an acquaintance.
18:36
Lara: I said, I need help.
18:37
Lara: Why is the Lord being evil to me?
18:39
Lara: I'm on a bed, I can't move, my parents are in despair.
18:43
Lara: And Matt starts reshaping my theology, you know, Paul and Silas worshiping, even though they're shackled.
18:50
Lara: You know, I mean, just all of the verses in the New Testament about how the Lord redeems and uses suffering and in fact calls us to suffering.
18:57
Lara: And amidst these visits, Cassandra, I can't explain it to you, but we just literally fell in love.
19:04
Lara: And it was like, and to add on to the plot twist, this guy had just been diagnosed with terminal intestinal cancer at age 38.
19:12
Lara: So we're in this situation where we're kind of dating.
19:15
Lara: I'm on that bed, he's sitting next to me with this chemo pump on a chair, this humble, brilliant man.
19:20
Lara: And we start realizing we have feelings for another one another, and we're going, Are we idiots?
19:25
Lara: Like, I'm on a bed, you're about to die.
19:27
Lara: Like, are we gonna be falling in love?
19:30
Lara: And the Lord met us in that, and and the Lord expressly told us, you know, in different ways, take this joy in your mutual grief, take this joy, and it was like a love story out of nowhere, and this was a point in time where I felt the Holy Spirit calling me to start trying to sit up again, and but because the Lord said, My grace will be sufficient for you, I'm not going to heal you, but I want you to try.
19:54
Lara: And I I tried, and long story short, Matt proposed six months later, and somehow I was able to walk down an aisle.
20:01
Lara: It was very, very difficult and very painful, and yet the Lord gave us a wedding.
20:07
Lara: And long story short, Matt entered Gloria a year after our wedding.
20:11
Cassandra: A year after the wedding.
20:13
Cassandra: Wow, what a story! And it's obvious to me he played an integral part in your suffering, um, even your joy.
20:25
Cassandra: You suffered, but he had he he provided you some joy, and I would say God provided because he came into your life, I would say at the at the right time, so to speak.
20:37
Cassandra: Yeah, and you know, and and based on your illness, your husband's death, it's like, wouldn't you fall apart?
20:44
Cassandra: I mean, like, I mean, like what is it?
20:49
Cassandra: Oh, share the perspective that God has given you to keep it moving, keep it moving.
20:58
Lara: What was that?
20:59
Lara: Cassandra, I'm telling you, you know, I through Matt, I finally experienced a lot of spiritual growth during my marriage, and I finally felt like, all right, Lord, I can trust you again.
21:08
Lara: You do want to bless me with good things.
21:10
Lara: You don't just take away from me what you know, health, career.
21:13
Lara: And then Matt dies.
21:15
Lara: And the whole church was praying for miracles, and yet it was the Lord's will to take him home.
21:19
Lara: So I'm in this moment where I'm like, Lord, I I I I'm mad at you again, you know, like I, you know, for now I've lost the husband too.
21:27
Lara: Like, can't I keep one good thing?
21:29
Lara: And the Lord spoke to me, and I kid you not, I mean, this was a very hard word for me to understand, and yet it is theologically true.
21:37
Lara: He said, I know what's best for you.
21:40
Lara: And I said, Oh my gosh, Lord, you're telling me it's best for my husband to die after just one year, for me to be on a bed for eight years.
21:48
Lara: And I couldn't wrap my mind around it.
21:51
Lara: And yet, theologically, we know it's true.
21:53
Lara: The ways of the Lord are righteous and just, faithful and loving, loving kindness, you know, poured all over.
21:58
Lara: And so you're in this moment where you're like, What do you mean this is what's best for me, Lord?
22:02
Lara: And I I wrestled with him again.
22:05
Lara: I mean, I'm almost like embarrassed to say I'm probably one of the most thick-headed Christians you'll meet.
22:10
Lara: And yet there's there's this other part of me that wants to be so surrendered, like my spirit woman loves the Lord so much.
22:17
Lara: And yet there's this other fleshly part that just wants to wrestle with him.
22:21
Lara: And so since Matt died a year and a half ago, I've I've continued the wrestling, and yet he's continued to prune me through that.
22:28
Lara: But the way he has kept me going is I have an eternal glory that's coming out of this story.
22:34
Lara: Are you going to trust me or not?
22:35
Lara: Second Corinthians 4 17 says, Our light and momentary troubles are creating for us an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all.
22:44
Lara: Are you going to trust me or are You're gonna cling to your little idols on this side of eternity, so it will he has been convicting me over and over again of my idols, marriage, health, career, whatever it is, he's stripping me down.
22:58
Lara: And I have fine, I feel like I've finally learned these lessons.
23:02
Lara: And if this is what it took to learn it, then so be it.
23:07
Cassandra: So let me ask you based on that, what is it that you think you know?
23:14
Cassandra: It's kind of like it was Paul, I believe, who had a thorn in his side, right?
23:18
Cassandra: And and and and God said, My grace is sufficient, like I'm I'm not gonna remove that thorn, and your illness, right, could be a a thorn, so to speak, yeah right?
23:31
Cassandra: So um, so with all that said, what do you think you think?
23:40
Cassandra: Okay, you already said God's trying to get you closest, have you surrender, increase your faith, all of that.
23:47
Cassandra: But what else, what do you believe now that you your purpose is now and this time in your life?
23:57
Cassandra: What's what's your purpose?
23:59
Lara: Absolutely.
24:00
Lara: So after Matt died, the Lord called me to write a book.
24:04
Lara: And out of nowhere, because I'm on a bed and I'm like, what do you mean, write a book?
24:08
Lara: But it was very clearly from the Holy Spirit.
24:09
Lara: So I get my laptop on my bed, my mother's helping me, and I start pumping out a manuscript about my love story and my suffering.
24:17
Lara: And, you know, praise be to God.
24:19
Lara: It turned out to be this best-selling book called Singing Through Fire.
24:22
Lara: And, you know, the name is a metaphor for, you know, finding joy in suffering, which is what the Lord has been drilling into me for eight years, but also because I'm a singer, you know, and so the Lord has used me.
24:33
Lara: So I write this book in six months, I publish it, and now it's it's kind of clear looking back that his purpose for you was to use my suffering as a platform to bring him glory because this book has encouraged, I mean, and it's not like you know, my writing or whatever, it's God's testimony.
24:53
Lara: God has used my writing to encourage others going through their own fires, and I can only see it now in hindsight.
25:00
Lara: So it's my purpose now.
25:01
Lara: And then he called me to start the Singing Through Fire podcast where I interview only people who've gone through insane suffering, like, you know, where the Lord has said no, like where there has been no deliverance.
25:12
Lara: In other words, those cases where it's not like the miracle tied up in a bow at the end of the tragedy.
25:17
Lara: No, it's it's just the tragedy stops there.
25:20
Lara: And these are the people I interview because I want to give other people hope.
25:25
Lara: And it helps me too, because the Lord has said no to to almost all my you know, health, the career, I mean, and taking away mat.
25:33
Lara: And so for me, this is my purpose now is sharing hope to those who are suffering.
25:40
Cassandra: That's beautiful.
25:41
Cassandra: That's that's beautiful, yeah.
25:44
Cassandra: Um, and and and yeah, and it's I kind of want to say it is suffering that makes it so, you know, that yeah, it's it's it's that suffering.
25:55
Cassandra: And I believe in the book of James, and I say you are gonna have trials, and you are gonna have tribulations.
26:01
Cassandra: Yours is just different, and everyone listening has trials and tribulations.
26:07
Cassandra: We don't know what they are, but yet you are testament to say, hey, this is where I am, and this is the perspective that I've gained based on what God has, I wouldn't say give you, but allowed you to have.
26:23
Cassandra: So now, with that, what would you say to women who think you have to have it all together before you can walk in your purpose?
26:35
Cassandra: Because we all wait, like, okay, wait till I get this, wait till I go to school, wait till I get this job, wait till the baby goes, wait till the child goes to college, wait till what tell me about that.
26:47
Lara: Cassandra, I would say, I mean, look at me, and not in a prideful way, but I'm literally on a bed most of the day, just with my hair afluff.
26:55
Lara: I mean, you you know, right now I tried to look presentable for the ladies, you know, but but it's like you, I don't have it all together.
27:02
Lara: I'm literally a chronically ill widow who has lost a lot, and yet in that fire, the Lord has given me more purpose, more ability to work for him, literally from a bed.
27:13
Lara: I mean, typing with my laptop on my knees, with severe pain in my brain on a 24-7 basis.
27:18
Lara: And yet the Lord is going, has used me.
27:21
Lara: And so for you, for anyone listening out there, he's gonna use you whether the laundry's done or not.
27:27
Lara: He's gonna use you whether the kids, you know, look presentable at church or not.
27:31
Lara: I mean, it's almost comical that we think that our human limitations can limit God.
27:36
Lara: And and so I just want to encourage whoever's out there listening.
27:39
Lara: Like, it's not about having it all together ourselves, it's about how his grace is more than sufficient to bring you into the destiny.
27:46
Lara: I mean, this is why he created you.
27:48
Lara: These days were written in his book, and so who are we to argue and say, oh, I'm so insecure?
27:53
Lara: And and trust me, like I'm plenty insecure too.
27:55
Lara: We all are, but it's like the Lord is doing the work, the man plots his steps, the Lord is directing them.
28:01
Lara: So if we would only rest in that as these ambitious women, if we would only just give up to his, you know, province to take care of it all.
28:10
Cassandra: Exactly, exactly.
28:11
Cassandra: Because you know, there are a lot of listeners, audiences, whatever, that don't have a strong faith like you, do not have a relationship, you know, and and that's what I say that I have, you know, a lot of people, oh, oh, you're so religious.
28:27
Cassandra: Well, no, I was one time religious, but now I have a relationship, you know, and we're not here to convince, make you.
28:38
Cassandra: We just here to tell a story, you know, um, so that your story will reveal things from individuals that are are listening.
28:49
Cassandra: Um, because I believe this season that you're in probably revealed something in you that success never could.
28:59
Cassandra: Oh, yeah.
29:01
Cassandra: What you're going through now, yeah, you could have been a lawyer, prosecutor, you judge, all of that.
29:07
Cassandra: But I bet you right here, you more is being revealed to you than if you were, uh based on all those achievements.
29:19
Cassandra: Am I correct with that?
29:21
Lara: Oh, I mean, you absolutely.
29:24
Lara: I mean, the Lord has been showing me, especially the last few weeks, that it is about my heart.
29:29
Lara: What he cares most about is my heart.
29:31
Lara: He doesn't care you're doing, you know, the best courtroom cases, and even in Christian, you know, causes or whatever.
29:37
Lara: He cares about your heart.
29:39
Lara: He doesn't care you're bedridden, he doesn't care you're a mom, you're single, you're this, you've lost your career.
29:44
Lara: He cares about, do you love me?
29:47
Lara: I mean, am I first in your life?
29:49
Lara: And the only way that, you know, that was going to come out was putting me through this fire.
29:54
Lara: And it's sad to say, but this is how the Lord redeems our suffering, is pruning us to be like Jesus, who literally said, Your cup, you know, why should I fight with this cup?
30:04
Lara: And so that is our goal, that is the prize, that is the ultimate achievement in the Christian life.
30:09
Lara: Until we get that, there is no success in the Christian life.
30:13
Lara: It's about abiding in Him and full surrender.
30:17
Cassandra: Because even with those achievements, there are opportunities where you can um uh be an influencer and regards right, like like you know, if people that worked with you see you now, knew you then, but see you now, like, wow, she's still standing.
30:39
Lara: Thank you.
30:40
Lara: Yeah, yeah, literally, I can actually stand now, but yeah, right.
30:45
Cassandra: So let me if there's someone if stuck limited or like life has sidelined them, which life is sidelining a lot of people these days, um, and probably were before these days, but they're at a point, some of them are at their wits' end, you know, like okay, fine.
31:07
Cassandra: You know, it's kind of like with before during COVID, uh, we heard more about burnout, mental illness, um, toxicity, I can't take it anymore.
31:22
Cassandra: And all that was there, I believe, prior, prior to COVID, but COVID helped you get it out.
31:31
Cassandra: Like, okay, I'm not alone in this.
31:34
Cassandra: I just read this is the burnout um revolution now, or I'm I'm depressed, more people are depressed because all of that was taboo, you know.
31:44
Cassandra: So um, what would you I guess I would say, what would you want people to understand that's stuck, that's limited, and when they're in a season like yours?
32:03
Lara: Want them to know about how to get unstuck?
32:06
Cassandra: Yes, if someone is stuck, limited, or like life has sidelined them.
32:11
Cassandra: What would you want them to understand about their parent season?
32:16
Lara: You know, I would say one thing the Lord has told me over and over again is, and it sounds trite, but I have the credibility to say it.
32:23
Lara: You know why?
32:24
Lara: Because my stories ended badly on this side of eternity.
32:28
Lara: The Lord kept telling me this is not the end of your story.
32:31
Lara: And I'm not talking about an earthly deliverance, oh, in a few years, you know, I'm gonna get remarried or whatever.
32:36
Lara: I'm talking about the Lord said, whether on this side or in eternity, this is not the end of your story.
32:42
Lara: In fact, this is not the end of math story.
32:44
Lara: If you think this is the end of math story, you're an idiot.
32:47
Lara: Because I mean, literally John 11, 25, he is the resurrection and the life.
32:51
Lara: He who dies will live.
32:53
Lara: And so the point is God has plans and purposes for you.
32:56
Lara: You know, we always quote Jeremiah 29, 11, but the reality is those plans extend into eternity.
33:01
Lara: So I don't care what season you're in right now, your husband is dying of cancer, God forbid, like mine was, or your daughter is wayward or whatever.
33:09
Lara: The Lord has plans for that specific situation that extend into eternity.
33:15
Lara: Once that veil is torn off your eyes, once that blindness is torn off, it helps you live in that current situation because you know that with the Lord, the story can never end in ashes.
33:25
Lara: I mean, just look at the cross.
33:27
Lara: The cross always leads to glory.
33:29
Lara: This is the gospel pattern.
33:30
Lara: If he did it with Jesus, why do we think that as his disciples, the Lord is doing anything differently with us?
33:36
Lara: So, whatever cross you're walking through now, you have to know that this is not the end of the story on earth or in eternity.
33:43
Lara: Don't let anyone tell you differently.
33:46
Cassandra: Okay, so when you're saying eternity, and a lot of my my listeners probably don't understand what that means.
33:52
Cassandra: So, what I was what I was saying, right?
33:55
Cassandra: So, we want to want to explain what that means and what your belief is, you're like, I have another life, I'm uh eternity.
34:03
Cassandra: So, what's tell tell them what that means?
34:06
Lara: What I'm saying is that when the minute you give your life to Christ, you are born again and you your eternal life starts right there.
34:13
Lara: Even if you die, you will live in heaven.
34:15
Lara: So, when I mention eternity, I'm talking about life after death, I'm talking about where Matt is right now.
34:21
Lara: He is living in the heavenly realms, in his new spiritual body, whatever that looks like.
34:25
Lara: You know, we know theologians debate it, but the point is there is life after death, you know, and I'm not trying to be morbid and whatever by taking it there.
34:32
Lara: You know, if someone's out there listening, oh great, I have to die to find the new plans.
34:37
Lara: No, the reality is sometimes God says no on this side of eternity.
34:41
Lara: And it's not because he's trying to beat you down, he doesn't love you, it's because he has mysterious purposes that we will see on the other side.
34:49
Lara: I just I can't emphasize this enough because we get into despair here because we think that the end of the finish line is that death.
34:56
Lara: But if that were the case, I would be despairing about Matt.
34:59
Lara: But the only way God got me through my husband's illness and death is Laura Death is literally the reward for the Christian.
35:08
Lara: We have to flip our perspective around as Christians.
35:11
Lara: We I feel like we just don't get it.
35:13
Cassandra: Uh-huh.
35:14
Lara: Okay.
35:15
Cassandra: Okay.
35:15
Cassandra: So let's let's talk about today with one truth.
35:20
Cassandra: What thing would my audience carry with them after this conversation?
35:26
Cassandra: What would it be?
35:33
Lara: It would be remember that the Lord has a purpose in your fire.
35:37
Lara: Full stop.
35:38
Lara: That's all it is.
35:39
Lara: I mean, if you don't believe you have a purpose in your suffering and that God is using it redemptively, you will despair.
35:45
Lara: But when you know that there is a point to all of this and that there is a good God still guiding your life and has a purpose for this, just like Joseph.
35:53
Lara: Look at Joseph, he was in prison for 12 years, and then look, God had a purpose for it.
35:57
Lara: He rises up to be prime minister of Egypt.
35:59
Lara: So please remember that there is a purpose for where you are right now as much as it hurts.
36:05
Lara: If I had known this, if I had believed this, I know it now, but it would have saved me from a lot of you know grief the first few years.
36:13
Cassandra: Yeah, awesome, awesome.
36:16
Cassandra: So this conversation reminds us that sometimes the very thing holding us back is actually the place where God is calling us to move forward.
36:30
Cassandra: So the question becomes Is your way in your way?
36:38
Cassandra: As the title of this podcast.
36:48
Lara: I'm done with that, and that's why I wrote this book, and that's why I think you know, I want to inspire other women to get out of their own way sooner rather than later.
36:58
Cassandra: Okay, great.
36:59
Cassandra: Thank you.
37:00
Cassandra: Thank you so much, Laura.
37:02
Cassandra: Um well, this is going to wrap up this podcast.
37:07
Cassandra: I want to thank you, and for my audience, listen to this podcast again.
37:14
Cassandra: Now, I know there's some people that will say, you know what, I don't want to hear all that.
37:20
Cassandra: You know, I don't.
37:22
Cassandra: But sometimes you get to a point and say, Well, what do I have to lose if I do listen to it?
37:29
Cassandra: And if this is something that God is trying to convey to me, He will reveal that to me, and He will speak to me through others through books.
37:44
Cassandra: You just don't know.
37:46
Cassandra: Only thing I would say about this is be open.
37:49
Cassandra: And again, what do you have to lose if you're already at your witness?
37:55
Cassandra: Yeah.
37:57
Cassandra: Right, right.
37:58
Cassandra: So, Laura, thank you so much.
38:01
Cassandra: Any other words you'd like to say before we end this podcast?
38:06
Lara: Just one more thing.
38:07
Lara: I know that a lot of the topics we discussed are very heavy theological topics.
38:11
Lara: We're talking death, grief, suffering.
38:13
Lara: I want to end on this because the the main thing, one of the main things the Lord has impressed upon my heart is rejoice.
38:19
Lara: In other words, you my call to you, my daughter, is finding joy in your suffering.
38:23
Lara: I'm not up here trying to beat you into a stick to, you know, I'm trying, I'm telling you, because I have purposes, you can find joy in your pain.
38:32
Lara: That's why he brought me the love of my life in the middle of a bed.
38:35
Lara: I mean, the Lord has joys waiting for you.
38:38
Lara: I want to give your audience the other side.
38:40
Lara: I mean, this book is so happy, even though it is wrinkled with grief.
38:44
Lara: It has so much comedy in it.
38:46
Lara: I mean, the irony is I'm a comedian on social media these days, even though my husband died and I'm on a bed.
38:51
Lara: So the Lord wants to give you joy and abundant joy.
38:54
Lara: So cling to that as well.
38:56
Lara: I'm sorry if I went too heavily on the hard part of the theology.
39:00
Lara: I want to end it on a note of joy because that is the point of my platform, singing through the fire, not getting depressed through the fire.
39:07
Cassandra: Right.
39:07
Cassandra: That's right.
39:08
Cassandra: That's right.
39:09
Cassandra: So, how can my listeners get in touch with you?
39:12
Lara: Sure.
39:12
Lara: So you can find me on all podcasting, you know, platforms wherever you listen, Spotify, Apple Podcasts.
39:17
Lara: It's called the Singing Through Fire Podcast.
39:19
Lara: It's also uploaded to my YouTube channel called The Silverman Show.
39:23
Lara: And you can find me on Instagram or Facebook.
39:25
Lara: And you can find my um book as well as the audiobook version, which I just launched.
39:30
Lara: It has cinematic music.
39:31
Lara: It's me narrating it.
39:32
Lara: I've cloned Matt's voice.
39:34
Lara: The audiobook is so fun.
39:35
Lara: I've already gotten great reviews.
39:37
Lara: I encourage you, you know, people who you know want to listen with their headphones.
39:40
Lara: Um you can find it on Amazon and all other, you know, audiobook retailers.
39:45
Cassandra: Wow.
39:46
Cassandra: Thank you so much, Laura.
39:47
Cassandra: May God continue to bless you.
39:50
Lara: Thank you, Cassandra.