Latest / Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast / Season One, Episode 40: Holiday Special: Good Soup Pt.2 (with guest GM Tom Gambino)

Transcript

Season One, Episode 40: Holiday Special: Good Soup Pt.2 (with guest GM Tom Gambino) · Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast

• 0:05
  Greetings Gum, and welcome to Part 2 of our holiday special.
• 0:09
  If you're listening to this, this means that you have no
• 0:11
  problem with senseless violence, vulgar language and extreme
• 0:15
  amounts of ejaculate references. Again, there's so much come.
• 0:20
  Listener discretion is advised. So I'm going to say that with
• 2:13
  all that's going on, you've all had the soup.
• 2:16
  You've all had you feel you've all been delighted by the tale
• 2:19
  that Beagle staff is told. You realize that it's pretty
• 2:24
  late at night and Beagle staff gives you guys lodgings for the
• 2:27
  night and it'll show you where you all need to go to find the
• 2:30
  mystical soup in the morning. The night passes.
• 2:34
  You guys sleep pretty well. A bloody rooster crows,
• 2:39
  signaling the dawn. Nate, you have one more day
• 2:42
  until that lump of coal literally comes out your ass.
• 2:48
  Oh, I hope it's not any longer than a single day before this
• 2:51
  lump of coal comes out. Did anybody else think that
• 2:54
  Rooster sounded particularly bloody?
• 2:56
  No. No, it's not a bloody enough to
• 2:58
  me, I suppose. Trying to process how you ended
• 3:01
  up with a lump of coal in your colon.
• 3:05
  It sounds like a complex back sword.
• 3:06
  Yeah, complex. Woof, woof indeed, Mr. Mixed
• 3:12
  News. Emphasis on the back.
• 3:16
  Oh God. Oh, oh, oh God, from you.
• 3:22
  I don't know why. Oh, is this too much?
• 3:23
  Is this offending your your soft Amina there, Mr. Fisk Baskins?
• 3:28
  Oh no, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.
• 3:29
  It's just weird. Weird.
• 3:33
  You guys are weird. All right.
• 3:36
  Woof. Actually, you're right.
• 3:41
  I really have no other like I I, I have no basis for comparison
• 3:45
  for what you're like. You just like toes I.
• 3:48
  Toes are great. Sure, I'm sure you haven't spent
• 3:51
  any time with any other weird people before.
• 3:53
  Surfing, you're looking good. That's you're not making a case
• 3:56
  for yourself. Legal staff is just looking from
• 3:59
  the corner and be like you guys are weird.
• 4:02
  I like it, but you guys are. Weird.
• 4:04
  No, you're not wrong, Sir. Can somebody roll me one D6 and
• 4:08
  somebody roll me one D4? I'll do the four.
• 4:12
  I got a one on the six right? Three, doing great, Levi.
• 4:16
  Thank you. Appreciate.
• 4:19
  IT legal staff looks at you and goes.
• 4:20
  So you guys are off, huh? I believe so.
• 4:23
  There's soup to be had. Yeah, so I'm good.
• 4:25
  I need to go see Uncle Ricky. Yes.
• 4:29
  Speaking of soup, it's not enough, but I got you one
• 4:32
  portion of soup, and I found these three health potions lying
• 4:36
  around. I figured they'd be better of
• 4:38
  use to you all than me. Well, much oblige this
• 4:42
  appreciate you. And at this point, I'm going to
• 4:44
  slide him 20 silver. It's kind of on the sly.
• 4:49
  Thank you for your hospitality. Well.
• 4:52
  Thank you very much. And he shakes the coins in his
• 4:55
  hand and he puts it in his back pocket.
• 4:58
  If he doesn't have any pockets in paint, So what where he puts
• 5:01
  them item? Oh, the prison.
• 5:03
  We know the pocket, yeah. Of course, of course, you know
• 5:08
  what I mean. All the best are kept player.
• 5:11
  You. Keep that.
• 5:11
  That's yours now. I was going to do some good
• 5:16
  money with this and he shakes his ass and you hear the coins
• 5:19
  shake up. That's that's way more than 20
• 5:22
  silver in that asshole he. Opens the door and sees you all
• 5:28
  out on your way. As you all look back you see the
• 5:31
  old man Beagle staff wave you down and he yells.
• 5:34
  Be careful it's weird as fuck in there.
• 5:37
  I thought you were coming with us to show us the way.
• 5:39
  I'm too old, does the weather affect my knees?
• 5:43
  I have a feeling that he's going to like, disappear after we hit
• 5:45
  about like, you know, the next 30 or 40 yards here.
• 5:49
  Oh, this cabin never existed kind of thing.
• 5:52
  I I have I have a very weird holiday purgatory feeling right
• 5:56
  now. Oh good, good, I'm into that.
• 6:01
  I stop at his feet and roll over for belly rubs.
• 6:04
  Legal staff bends down. You hear his knees click a bit.
• 6:08
  And all the coins rush to the front end of his.
• 6:11
  Trousers. Oh, those things it's.
• 6:15
  Like a loose blanket. I stand up on my hind legs and
• 6:17
  lick his face with my apparently human tongues and run after
• 6:21
  everyone else. Legal staff doesn't know how to
• 6:25
  feel about a slightly human faced dog licking him on the
• 6:28
  face. He's like.
• 6:29
  OK, OK, OK. It's not the worst thing to
• 6:34
  happen to you. Oh.
• 6:35
  Shit. Really thought he was going to
• 6:36
  keep that thing. I assumed he was one of your.
• 6:43
  Guys's dog fuck. No, look at his face.
• 6:48
  I don't know. Fucking neither do we, Fred
• 6:52
  bitch. I'm purebred.
• 6:56
  It's worse. Oh, miss some mixed dudes, I'll
• 6:58
  take you in. That's cold and bland as that
• 7:04
  was. I I think there's a connection
• 7:05
  going on here. Bacula, you look.
• 7:09
  Also, I don't bark I I say the word woof.
• 7:12
  Yeah. Bacula looking you look pale and
• 7:17
  that. Are most unsettled.
• 7:21
  Because I have to put all this fucking cream on during the day.
• 7:24
  It's sensitive skiing. OK look I'm a creature of the
• 7:28
  night and not the fucking day. I get the little Scentsy in the
• 7:30
  skin area when it comes to daylight.
• 7:32
  I fucking hate it. So bright out here, especially
• 7:36
  with all the snow all. Right.
• 7:38
  Can we get this clear? Really.
• 7:39
  This dude's what? Is the weather like?
• 7:41
  This dude's a fucking vampire, right?
• 7:43
  Are we going to, are we going to talk about this?
• 7:45
  You. Shouldn't make assumptions here?
• 7:47
  I just have the. Creature, are you calling this
• 7:49
  man a vampire? A blood cell?
• 7:51
  No. No, I don't do that.
• 7:53
  No. No, no.
• 7:55
  No, no, no one's saying you were.
• 7:56
  He just likes. Fresh No one's saying you were
• 7:58
  all. Right, coming from the man Pearl
• 8:04
  Jam. No I don't.
• 8:06
  You're getting it wrong. God damn farmer set me up for
• 8:09
  failure. Fuck stupid.
• 8:14
  At this point, Harold hey, that Hurts is just going to start
• 8:18
  walking into the forest. Just.
• 8:22
  Away from this situation. Yeah, there's a weird awkward
• 8:27
  silence and you can hear like the clockwork ticking there's
• 8:31
  and it's just like turn and just start following Harold as well.
• 8:38
  I'm more curious about this one so I'm going to go with them.
• 8:41
  And somebody rolled me AD 6. Please.
• 8:45
  I'll do it 3. Three, it's been 3 hours since
• 8:49
  you guys have ventured from Beagle staff house and things
• 8:54
  don't take long before they start getting weird.
• 8:57
  They weren't they wants. I was just with who we were
• 9:00
  walking with, like. Defined weird.
• 9:04
  You instead of the sounds of animals, you hear them sort of
• 9:09
  reverberate and slightly echo at a low pitch.
• 9:13
  You believe you hear the sound of faint bells in the distance,
• 9:17
  the singing of children. You hear a quiet along the wind.
• 9:26
  Boy, boy, boy. Now I might just be a simple
• 9:29
  country Dr. But. Oh, do tell.
• 9:36
  This this right here. This right here.
• 9:39
  I'm OK with the weirdness here, but as soon as we hit the point
• 9:43
  where there's children laughing specifically out here in the
• 9:48
  hell, can somebody else? Please, you're afraid of
• 9:53
  children. Well, children are terrifying.
• 9:55
  I'm with him on that. But I don't see anything wrong
• 9:57
  here. It's perfectly normal, perfectly
• 9:59
  safe. I'm sure we're doing just fine.
• 10:00
  You. Could say you're not the.
• 10:01
  Nutrition. Somebody roll to the D8 please.
• 10:04
  I'll do it. Fuck no, I want apparently fuck
• 10:08
  4. Or you keep walking, and then in
• 10:13
  this clearing of forest, you come up on a desk.
• 10:16
  You see a quill, an ink bottle and a piece of paper.
• 10:22
  See what I've been trying to say?
• 10:23
  It's fucking way too normal. Well, let's just see what it
• 10:26
  says. I'm going to go read the paper.
• 10:28
  You can read. Oh yeah, yeah.
• 10:32
  Surprises me too, yeah. Good for you.
• 10:34
  You all. Well-rounded.
• 10:36
  So, Fisk, you're going to read the paper.
• 10:38
  Yeah. All right, you go up to the
• 10:40
  paper and you look at it from what you see.
• 10:44
  There's unintelligible writing, scribblings of a madman,
• 10:49
  pictures of weird figures. He's all work.
• 10:53
  A no play makes Jack a doughboy. All work a no play makes Jack a
• 10:56
  doughboy. Saint Nick was here, and the
• 10:59
  soup was hearty and flavorful. And the blood run red all
• 11:05
  through the snow. Please roll me a detox.
• 11:09
  Is anybody looking over a fist's shoulder?
• 11:11
  Yes, I'm always creeping over the.
• 11:13
  I'm peeing on the side of the desk.
• 11:15
  I'm peeing on the side of the desk.
• 11:16
  I'm keeping my distance from him.
• 11:18
  OK, so Jake, you said you're looking over your shoulder.
• 11:21
  Yes. OK, roll me AD 20.
• 11:23
  Oh. Me too.
• 11:25
  Yeah, YouTube. Whoever's reading the paper has
• 11:27
  to roll AD 20. Would you get big guy I'll.
• 11:30
  Give it a peek. See Just to Add.
• 11:32
  Anything to it? Presents Golf.
• 11:36
  That's a 19. I got a natural 20I.
• 11:40
  Got a 15 on the die +3 so that's a 18 for me.
• 11:45
  All right. One of you roll me AD 4I.
• 11:49
  Don't know, Jake. Oh fuck 4.
• 11:52
  All right. What are those?
• 11:54
  You rolled A4. Yes, he has four black things in
• 11:57
  his hands. Doom.
• 12:00
  Busy boy, I don't like that. Roll me in. 110.
• 12:06
  That's my fucking tent. No, I've lost 2.
• 12:09
  OK, 2. Yeah.
• 12:14
  All right, as you all read the paper, the sound of barking dogs
• 12:18
  from Mr. Mcsnoot's in their barks.
• 12:24
  Their barks fade in your ears or don't, even though they're right
• 12:28
  next to you. Like they slowly fade and they
• 12:31
  put ticking of Ferris's metal workings disappears.
• 12:37
  Dr. Creature talking about the lump of coal in his ass becomes
• 12:41
  a dull. You look up from the paper and
• 12:45
  you see a woman, pale white skin with her eyes sewn shut and
• 12:52
  spiders coming down from a black hood slightly covering her face.
• 12:57
  What? Kind of shoes is she wearing?
• 12:59
  And she says. Her feet, Her feet are bare and.
• 13:05
  Black. I can get into that.
• 13:11
  Good luck weirdo. And she looks at, well, she
• 13:15
  stands in front of me, the three of you, and she says.
• 13:24
  Beasts. Oh God, I don't.
• 13:30
  Like that? That tone is not great.
• 13:34
  Roll DR12 presence all. Of us.
• 13:38
  All of you. Oh.
• 13:40
  Fucking duck. Just just these guys or the rest
• 13:43
  of us as well? Pew, the guys who read the
• 13:45
  paper. 16. Well, I got a five, hey.
• 13:49
  I got a six. Is this where I should omen?
• 13:58
  That's up to you dude. I got 16.
• 14:00
  I'm good here. That sounds like a you problem
• 14:04
  buddy. Just let it happen.
• 14:05
  Tell us what happens. This.
• 14:07
  Woman lifts up her arms and spiders, just like a swarm of
• 14:13
  spiders, just launch in front of you and climb all over your
• 14:17
  face, and you can feel them just go in your ears, in your mouth.
• 14:23
  You feel them. Scratching behind your eyes and
• 14:25
  in your brain. And then you wake up.
• 14:28
  What? The fuck?
• 14:30
  Well, that was a weird sight to see.
• 14:32
  Very weird to see. I seemed to have drooled all
• 14:35
  over this table when I passed. I.
• 14:37
  Didn't see anything. That was so strange, you.
• 14:40
  Didn't see the lady with all the the fucking spiders coming out
• 14:43
  of her arms. She had well manicured toes.
• 14:46
  Oh, Frostbits. And they were.
• 14:47
  Yeah, they were very dark, but I like.
• 14:50
  It no it's weird for me to be concerned.
• 14:52
  Harris is going to lean into Doctor Creature again.
• 14:56
  It's just I think we just let those guys do all the dumb
• 15:00
  stuff. Like, yeah, obviously not
• 15:03
  reading that was a good idea. Oh, it was great.
• 15:06
  No, it was a. Story.
• 15:09
  No, yeah, you're right, I was the weird one for being
• 15:11
  concerned about. This, everybody.
• 15:13
  And from what I got out of that was we're on the right track.
• 15:16
  We are. But that was for sure, yeah.
• 15:17
  That does. Right here.
• 15:19
  Right here. What about it?
• 15:20
  What are we? Talking about a woman, the
• 15:24
  children or something in the cocoon and everyone eating the
• 15:27
  hot dog soup, the salami soup. We're on the right track.
• 15:31
  It's hard to remember. I still feel like there's
• 15:33
  spiders behind my eyeballs. Alright, raise your hands if you
• 15:36
  feel like that sounds like on the right track.
• 15:39
  We're on the right track. I lift my hand up.
• 15:41
  I agree with. I got no hands.
• 15:45
  Harold raises his hand up and he's been vomiting this whole
• 15:48
  time because he just cannot take the fact that he's had like,
• 15:51
  spiders in and all around him, so he's just been driving this
• 15:55
  whole time. You're going to make yourself
• 15:57
  hungry. Oh God, don't do that.
• 16:00
  Don't do that. Oh, the sound alone.
• 16:03
  I. Swear spot Why did?
• 16:06
  I never went to a. Spiders.
• 16:09
  This is my least favorite bit. Honestly.
• 16:15
  All right. After a few moments of you guys,
• 16:20
  you composing yourselves, talking with it amongst your
• 16:23
  friends, trying to get your composure back, you eventually
• 16:26
  do, and you all make your way through the woods.
• 16:30
  Note to the listeners that little segment was brought to
• 16:32
  you by Icon, but the three of you that saw the spiders, you
• 16:41
  are all eternally bound in a semi ambulatory somnambulent
• 16:46
  twilight, trudging ever onward as you and and company your
• 16:50
  friends. That sounds.
• 16:53
  Fine now. Yeah.
• 16:54
  Yeah, somebody rolled me a they didn't.
• 16:57
  Touch me. They didn't touch me.
• 17:01
  What are we rolling? 55.
• 17:03
  Oh, OK. After like another indiscernible
• 17:07
  amount of time, you come across a gigantic.
• 17:11
  Yule. Tree.
• 17:13
  It is a giant pine tree adorned with makeshift ornaments of
• 17:19
  weird figurines, occult symbols, stuff that you have not even
• 17:26
  seen, or weird little carvings. They are lit by blood red
• 17:32
  candles and you can see some of the needles in this pine tree.
• 17:36
  They go from from the top of the tree, which by the way, the
• 17:39
  start of the tree is a skull. It starts from a brilliant dark
• 17:43
  green, and as you look down the base of the tree, the needles
• 17:46
  turn more darker and darker and black, and then as you gaze upon
• 17:52
  the trunk of the tree, more strange occult symbols are
• 17:56
  carved in it. You have no idea what the fuck
• 17:58
  they mean, but there are 6 presents, one for each of you.
• 18:02
  I pee on the tree. Hey, hey, hey, don't pee on
• 18:05
  those presents layer. I pee on the tree.
• 18:07
  This is my bit now. Are the presents a?
• 18:10
  Dog getting it? I got it from him.
• 18:13
  What The weirdest thing about the presents is that each one of
• 18:16
  those boxes has one of your names on them.
• 18:18
  There's a present for Scott Bakula, there's a present for
• 18:23
  Harold, there's a present for Doctor Creature and Fisk, Mr.
• 18:27
  Mcsnoots and. Ferris.
• 18:30
  Well, who am I to? Yeah, stare a gift horse in the
• 18:32
  mouth and I'm going to go up to the first one and open it up.
• 18:35
  OK, roll me AD. Four, I like D fours.
• 18:40
  That's a 2. You got A2 all right.
• 18:44
  Yes, Sir. With.
• 18:45
  That you get. Let's.
• 18:47
  See here. Oh well, with the two you get a
• 18:49
  standard. Weapon.
• 18:51
  So. Please roll me a D10.
• 18:54
  All right. It's 4.
• 18:56
  You get you got a nice brand new knife.
• 18:59
  Oh, beautiful. That's a knife.
• 19:02
  Look at this boys, I got myself a brand new shiny Bowie knife.
• 19:05
  Well, would you look at that? Teres goes to try to reach for
• 19:08
  his gift and he can't hold on to it.
• 19:11
  So it's just like, start hacking into the paper.
• 19:14
  Hold on, let me roll your D. Four, I will help with that.
• 19:17
  You know you don't have to fuck everything up again.
• 19:21
  I got a, got a four, got a 40. Oh, buddy.
• 19:27
  Oh buddy, please roll me AD 12 I.
• 19:30
  Don't. 3 with a three. Oh my.
• 19:37
  Goodness, you get a bunch of spiders.
• 19:39
  With this. Poisonous moths.
• 19:45
  So I'm going to say I made a list of weapons based upon the
• 19:50
  12 days of Christmas. You have.
• 19:52
  Gotten one of these holy. Holy.
• 19:55
  I know a. Dull.
• 19:56
  Golden Crown with three points roll DR14 presents to read the
• 20:01
  minds of a target within range. Cool.
• 20:05
  On a failed cheek, the Crown broadcasts your thoughts to
• 20:09
  everyone else. Oh man.
• 20:15
  All right, Yeah, I'll put the crown on like awkwardly.
• 20:18
  It's sitting awkward on my head. Yeah, I'll try the presents
• 20:21
  check right now, OK. Please roll me a A.
• 20:24
  VR14. Presents.
• 20:27
  So 15 presents. I would like the spider man.
• 20:36
  Oh, sure. I got a 16.
• 20:39
  I just want you to fail. Who you doing like?
• 20:44
  I kind of wanted to as well so. Whose mind are you trying to
• 20:47
  read? I'm going to try and read Scott
• 20:50
  Bakulin that. Has to be fine.
• 20:52
  Scott, what do you think it has to be?
• 20:54
  Scott. You know, come to think of it,
• 20:57
  those cookies weren't so bad and I could really go for another
• 21:03
  cup of that. I'm not.
• 21:05
  Why am I? Even thinking this is the worst
• 21:08
  thing. You do, you try one thing one
• 21:11
  time and all of a sudden you're just hooked.
• 21:13
  It's like drugs. I don't understand.
• 21:15
  I wonder if that farmer is. Still around?
• 21:18
  Do you think maybe you would just we had better things to do?
• 21:25
  You're realizing now you stepped on a boner land mine.
• 21:29
  It's the strangest emotions about all of this when I get it
• 21:33
  straight from the source. So I am just.
• 21:38
  I'll take ass. There there is just staring at
• 21:42
  him now. What are you looking at?
• 21:46
  If there was a way for a mechanical, there was a way for
• 21:49
  a mechanical face to express fear, you would have me
• 21:53
  terrified. What do I have something on my
• 21:55
  face again? Does anyone else want to open
• 21:58
  with me? I will, I will open mine.
• 22:02
  All right, yes, roll me AD 4. 2. Oh, you got a standard weapon?
• 22:07
  Roll me AD 10. I wanted a cool thing.
• 22:14
  A7. Oh, with a.
• 22:16
  Sieve. In you do.
• 22:19
  Ah, OK, you get a crossbow. A brand new shiny crossbow.
• 22:26
  What's your presence at plus 1 + 1?
• 22:28
  Cool. You get a crossbow and that has
• 22:30
  11 bolts. In.
• 22:33
  It oh for all of your toes. All 11 toes, Yeah, there's
• 22:41
  still. Three bras and slams.
• 22:43
  Oh. What do you think?
• 22:44
  Should we help the fucking dog? I'm just.
• 22:46
  Watching I don't understand in you this.
• 22:48
  Come here, boy. Woof.
• 22:52
  Fucking I got a 2. You got a standard weapon,
• 22:56
  buddy? Roll me in me. 10. 4.
• 22:59
  You get a knife. A brand new knife.
• 23:02
  I can do stuff for the knife. So if I remember correctly,
• 23:06
  Jake, you're you're helping Mr. Mix Newts unwrap his present.
• 23:09
  Yeah, Harold and I will help me. Yeah.
• 23:13
  Oh, wait, Harold, did you open a gift?
• 23:15
  I Oh no. I.
• 23:15
  Did I got the name? Yeah.
• 23:17
  All right. So Scott, you helped Mr. Mixnuts
• 23:20
  open his gift. Mr. Mixnuts, do you accept the
• 23:23
  gift? I like the sound of the wrapping
• 23:25
  paper. I'm interested.
• 23:27
  All right, please roll me AD 4. AD4AD44.
• 23:34
  You keep. That roll on the 12th.
• 23:36
  Of Christmas, another 4. OK. 4.
• 23:42
  Ah OK. You get a sort of like a big old
• 23:49
  wrist guard and on it is a tiny crossbow mounted on it.
• 23:53
  For a dog, I. See on.
• 23:55
  It, you know, would it be strap to his bed size wrist guard or
• 23:59
  would it be like, that's what I'm trying to get at, yeah.
• 24:03
  Turret Dog. It's actually.
• 24:04
  I'm already wearing a harness with a carrying handle on it.
• 24:09
  Oh. Coincidentally, it actually I'm
• 24:12
  spoke it fits perfectly around your side and the crossbow is
• 24:17
  mounted in the position where it will not hit.
• 24:21
  You. Oh, it has D8 shots, so please
• 24:25
  roll me AD 83. Cool.
• 24:28
  So you have three shots of that and each effect is different.
• 24:33
  Oh my God. On a successful DR12 presence
• 24:37
  hit. Hey, that's my good one.
• 24:39
  Hey. And finally, yeah, it's Scott's
• 24:42
  bacula. There is one more gift on the
• 24:44
  tree and then it is free. Why is there a tiny little
• 24:47
  distance with the name Barbara on it right next to it?
• 24:50
  Oh, that's. Nothing.
• 24:51
  Don't. Worry about that did something
• 24:54
  else and I put that one in my Cape.
• 24:56
  I got a four. You got a four?
• 25:00
  Yeah, yes. All right.
• 25:02
  Roll me D12O. Fuck A1.
• 25:08
  A1. No.
• 25:13
  No. You.
• 25:15
  Open your box and you pull out this, for lack of a better word,
• 25:21
  a grenade that looks like a Christmas ornament look.
• 25:25
  It's a It's a pineapple. Eat it well.
• 25:28
  I'm going to pull my Cape over my face and then try to non no
• 25:33
  taste like straight metal. Gross.
• 25:35
  It's got this weird little pin on it though.
• 25:37
  I'm going to finger that pinhole.
• 25:43
  Oh no, we'll. We'll we'll finger my pinhole
• 25:49
  later. I.
• 25:51
  Fucking I turn around and open the door that just arrived there
• 25:55
  and I fucking walk out. Fucking 4th dimensionally.
• 26:00
  This was a very nice tree. See Fisk, this is not such bad,
• 26:05
  you know, Journey, all these other clowns, they don't seem to
• 26:08
  understand just because we saw the spider God.
• 26:12
  I've seen it, but it didn't touch my eyeballs, I'll tell you
• 26:14
  that. Oh, unfortunate.
• 26:16
  I am ready to go. You OK?
• 26:19
  They're dark. I just can't believe I'm going
• 26:21
  to die with you people and with. Cold.
• 26:24
  Stuffed in my ass, yeah. Well, why did you put it up?
• 26:28
  There I lick Scott Bacula's face to thank him for opening my
• 26:31
  present for. Me.
• 26:32
  Oh, you're welcome. Careful of my lips.
• 26:34
  You don't want to get cut. I mean, never mind.
• 26:38
  Everything is. I mean.
• 26:39
  Never mind. Woof.
• 26:44
  Yes, yes, woof indeed. All righty, please somebody roll
• 26:50
  AD 20. Walt, you do it.
• 26:53
  Fuck it, I've got 1 here I. Hope. 14. 14.
• 26:59
  Oh, OK. You come to a clearing in the
• 27:02
  forest and you see hanging from the trees the various stockings
• 27:07
  of different sizes. They're all hung on the branches
• 27:11
  of the trees. They're like all over the place,
• 27:14
  just hanging and a slight breeze blows and you hear jingling in
• 27:20
  the stockings. I'm starting to feel like this
• 27:25
  is a fun time. We're getting presents, we're
• 27:29
  spending time together. What?
• 27:31
  What happened to all? The stockings.
• 27:34
  Oh, they are well within your reach.
• 27:37
  Like you all can, like, literally place your hand in a
• 27:41
  stocking. Yeah.
• 27:42
  I'm going to I'll. I'll pee on that.
• 27:45
  I thought would. Suit all right.
• 27:46
  How you place your? Hand being peed on.
• 27:49
  OK, you grab a stocking and please roll me AD 4.
• 27:52
  Oh shit, what's that? 01.
• 27:54
  Okay, what's that mean? Okay with a one, please roll me
• 27:58
  a D10. 11 ready. You stick your hand in and you
• 28:04
  pull out 10. Goals I I hand it to Fisk.
• 28:07
  Money means nothing to me. Sorry, I do not want this.
• 28:11
  This seems far. Why am I the only real person
• 28:15
  here? I appreciate it.
• 28:16
  Wow, I can get a new cart. No, you could probably get some
• 28:19
  new sandals to show off your toes.
• 28:21
  No, it's winter time. I can't.
• 28:23
  I can't do that. I don't want.
• 28:24
  It says the man wearing clocks everywhere he goes.
• 28:26
  Oh. Well, I love a croc.
• 28:29
  Yeah, those crocodile heads are real fucking great.
• 28:32
  Yeah, the nose holes are great. Come on.
• 28:35
  Pick, pick. Absolutely.
• 28:37
  I'm going to put my hand in one of these.
• 28:39
  There you are getting it. First, come on seasons,
• 28:42
  greetings and joyful everyone. You're like a single holiday
• 28:46
  behind No2 holidays behind. I got lost on my way to a
• 28:50
  fucking Halloween party and that farmer kept me all locked up for
• 28:53
  God knows how long. You ate a lot more shit cookies
• 28:57
  than I think you originally, no. Never mind.
• 29:02
  I I'm going to try to use my crown and I want to try and read
• 29:05
  this mind. Please roll me DR14.
• 29:10
  That is ADR 13. All right, what do you what,
• 29:14
  what are you thinking right now that everybody can hear?
• 29:18
  Holy shit, these assholes. Like Doc's cool, but what the
• 29:25
  fuck I'm. Fucking I'm I'm with you bud.
• 29:29
  I'm with you bud the entire way. Oh shit, what?
• 29:34
  What what what is that supposed to mean there, robo friend?
• 29:38
  Oh shit, you heard that. Yeah.
• 29:40
  You did. I'm.
• 29:42
  Just over here thinking. I pee on him.
• 29:54
  Yeah, good mixed notes. I rolled A4 by the way.
• 29:57
  Oh, you rolled A4? Yeah.
• 29:59
  Are you? Kidding.
• 29:59
  Cool. Old.
• 30:01
  DR12 Strength. DR12 Strength.
• 30:04
  You pulling out of the socks. He's going to get a bear.
• 30:08
  Trap. 11 Do I Do I want an omen to reduce?
• 30:14
  I don't know DI. Don't know what the strength
• 30:17
  role I omen to reduce. Why not?
• 30:21
  All right, to reduce it. OK, You reduce it to 11.
• 30:25
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 30:25
  You succeed. You stick your hand in.
• 30:28
  You don't feel anything quite right.
• 30:29
  Maybe you dig in deep a little more deeper and then you feel
• 30:36
  the stocking try to pull you up violently, but it doesn't grip
• 30:41
  on to your hand and it just whips up into the trees and as
• 30:46
  it whips up you hear a low. Growling.
• 30:48
  I don't think that was good. Hey stop, stop low growling so
• 30:55
  we can hear and all this other low growling.
• 30:58
  You can. You be quiet.
• 31:01
  It's. Kind of like you could you, you
• 31:04
  can hear it, it's up in the trees, but it's kind of like all
• 31:07
  around you. You can't really discern like
• 31:09
  where the growling is coming. From I don't think that's a good
• 31:12
  song. Distracted by the growling, I'm
• 31:15
  going to grab the stocking that Mister Mix Newts peed on and I'm
• 31:19
  going to check that one out. All right.
• 31:22
  You find dog piss? For sure, you don't have to roll
• 31:25
  for that one. Throw me AD 4.
• 31:31
  That's a 2. OK, with A2 we roll strength.
• 31:36
  That's not my good set. I'm going to use an omen because
• 31:41
  that was not good. That was an 8.
• 31:44
  Are you going to reduce or re roll it?
• 31:46
  I'm going to reduce so that passes.
• 31:49
  The same thing happens to you that happened the Fisk, the
• 31:52
  stocking, but you are sticking your hand in it, right?
• 31:55
  I am. OK, good.
• 31:57
  Thank you. OK, so you feel your hand pull
• 31:59
  it in, maybe a bit more cautious after observing Fisk, and just
• 32:04
  like before the stocking witch finally up in the air trying to
• 32:07
  take you with it. It fails and you see it
• 32:10
  disappear into the treetops and you hear that low growling like
• 32:14
  it sounds more annoyed that it didn't pull you up.
• 32:19
  I think this is AI. Don't think this is a good idea.
• 32:21
  I. Think it's like I feel like.
• 32:24
  I think I know. Cool, but this might be a trap.
• 32:27
  I think I know what this dog wants and I pick up Mr. Mick
• 32:29
  Snoots and I put him in one of the. 1.
• 32:39
  Put him into the. Thumb like.
• 32:44
  All right, roll D4, please, Mr. Mcsnoots.
• 32:50
  Woof for. For all the yard strength.
• 32:57
  Strength I got a Natal use an omen to reduce.
• 33:04
  Right. Just like before, like as soon
• 33:10
  as you're placed into it, you feel that yarn that's attached
• 33:15
  to the stocking like tighten and try to whip you up, But you
• 33:19
  wiggle your way out, bite your way out the bottom of the
• 33:22
  stocking, however you want to get out.
• 33:24
  But you get out of it at the last minute and you see, just
• 33:29
  like before, the stocking go up into the trees and now you hear
• 33:32
  a loud roar. I look at Doctor Creature and
• 33:35
  say woof woof woof woof. I'm sorry, I can't speak.
• 33:40
  Dog, I'm sorry, OK? I pee on you.
• 33:43
  I pee on me too. Shit, damn it.
• 33:48
  I'm dedicated. Dedicated.
• 33:49
  To the Rock has a huge TI. We need to.
• 33:54
  We need to leave here. Now.
• 33:55
  Can can somebody listen to me as if I am the actual same person
• 33:58
  here? Sounds good.
• 34:00
  I I am on board with that. Let's go.
• 34:03
  Yeah, I think I'm with you boys. I quickly move like I'm just got
• 34:07
  off of course. I'm just going to grab every
• 34:09
  last stocking quick. You are the one that actually
• 34:16
  got something out of it. No, Jake did.
• 34:19
  Jake. Yeah, he gave it to him.
• 34:20
  Oh yeah. Yeah, he gave it to him.
• 34:22
  I grabbed all the stockings. Fishing, you get fucking drawn
• 34:26
  and ordered. You grab all the stockings.
• 34:29
  All the stockings, there's a lot.
• 34:31
  Oh, there's a lot. I grabbed.
• 34:41
  Hold me deep or. Fist my sweet summer boy, just
• 34:45
  leave the stockings alone so we can just get the hell out of
• 34:48
  here. I really need them, I really do.
• 34:50
  I think you're a little greedy. You're.
• 34:52
  Freezing cover them toes. You're you want to cover them
• 34:55
  toes. That doesn't sound like you at
• 34:57
  all, my friend. My toes.
• 34:59
  I love everybody else's. OK.
• 35:03
  That's about reason I. Think you have to do?
• 35:05
  This roll the R12 strength. How many times?
• 35:10
  You said four or five. You did this.
• 35:12
  I'm walking first. One might eat.
• 35:13
  You. I'm leaving from the the the
• 35:15
  what is currently roaring at us, by the way.
• 35:18
  That's an 18. Yeah.
• 35:19
  That's an 18. All right, you grab four or
• 35:23
  five, OK, You don't RIP all of them off.
• 35:28
  You RIP. Yeah, All right, as these things
• 35:33
  that you have now thoroughly pissed off are trying to that
• 35:37
  you're trying to pull, it's pulling out, you're in a tug of
• 35:40
  war. You can't run with a good
• 35:42
  purchase. Like even with that 18, you
• 35:44
  can't really get a good purchase on trying to get all of these
• 35:48
  stockings off their yarny vines. But you managed to cut.
• 35:53
  You managed to cut one of them off Roll me AD 10. 6.
• 35:57
  Cool. And in one of that stockings you
• 35:59
  get 60 gold. Holy shit.
• 36:02
  I'm loading. Oh I'm rich.
• 36:04
  Wow, I feel. Bad.
• 36:06
  But at this point, all of the stockings creep up into the
• 36:11
  trees and you hear that low growl turn into a snarl and a
• 36:16
  hiss and. I run away.
• 36:20
  Yeah, I grabbed the stocking and run away too.
• 36:28
  All right, somebody roll me AD 20.
• 36:31
  I'll do it. That's a three. 3.
• 36:37
  Yes, Sir. After you make haste and beat
• 36:41
  feet from that little wherever the fuck nightmare patch of
• 36:44
  forest was, you come across an old and decrepit house.
• 36:49
  Adorned on the front is a damaged sign, but you can make
• 36:54
  out the words Toy FACTORY. The building itself is in a
• 37:00
  horrible state. Windows are smashed, there's
• 37:04
  graffiti on the outside. Many, many graffiti portraits of
• 37:08
  Dicks. My goodness, there's a lot of
• 37:10
  penis all over this building and Banks has been here big.
• 37:15
  Couple. Doors to the entrance.
• 37:17
  Of the toy. Shop are like knocked off the
• 37:19
  hinges. You can see clearly into the
• 37:23
  workshop you guys want to go in. Gentlemen, we should probably
• 37:27
  get away from that creepy tree and maybe duck out in this
• 37:30
  building. I don't know, but I would.
• 37:32
  Like to get out of the sun? I don't know the last.
• 37:35
  The building we went into had a creepy old guy that fed you
• 37:38
  people what we think it was Stew.
• 37:41
  It was. Great it was.
• 37:42
  Very delicious. You're kind of like a toy, you
• 37:46
  know, Maybe. Wow.
• 37:48
  OK, that's just rude. That's.
• 37:51
  Derogatory. And what's McCall?
• 37:53
  It's just saying. You look like you have a skin
• 37:56
  condition so great I. Do.
• 37:58
  Here we are you. Know what?
• 38:01
  Just never mind. And I walked through the door.
• 38:04
  I'm going to follow. You weren't invited.
• 38:06
  You bounce off the door. It's a store, everybody's
• 38:08
  invited. Oh my God.
• 38:17
  Holy shit, you see the remains of the toy shop, broken work
• 38:24
  benches and tables, tools thrown about and strewn about.
• 38:29
  You see hammers like hammered into a wall and they've stayed
• 38:32
  there for what appears to be years.
• 38:35
  Just soot and dust everywhere. If you want to scout around,
• 38:40
  please roll me ADR 12 presence. I'll give a look around.
• 38:45
  Yeah, I pee on it. The last time I poked around in
• 38:48
  a pet factory, I ended up in this body.
• 38:50
  I am not going. So you are.
• 38:53
  You are a liar. Liar just got the back of your
• 38:56
  life. That's 18. 18 with that 18 you
• 39:03
  hear something moving around under the floorboards.
• 39:07
  Peed on it. Oh no.
• 39:11
  Upon hearing the urine stream from Mixer mix, newts, and the
• 39:15
  screwing underneath the floorboards, I'm going to put my
• 39:17
  hand up to have everybody stop what they're doing and just
• 39:20
  like, stand still. Underneath you, you hear the
• 39:23
  sound of. What's this liquid?
• 39:32
  I drop my stocking and say woof. Is that dog?
• 39:37
  You hear footsteps going towards the back right corner of the
• 39:41
  workshop and you see a trap door that's been disguised as the
• 39:48
  flooring to this house. Open up and peek out and you see
• 39:53
  a full grown man dressed as an elf looking at you all.
• 39:57
  Not again. What's your name?
• 40:03
  How do? You spell it back in his hide
• 40:05
  and hold. No, no, no, no.
• 40:06
  Hold on, hold on. Just a minute.
• 40:08
  Don't. Don't just run off.
• 40:10
  I mean, I I clearly asked you a question.
• 40:12
  There's that. That's just rude.
• 40:14
  And before this full grown man can close the door, he's like.
• 40:19
  Oh, you're. Right.
• 40:20
  And we will be rude. My name is Buddy, I'm an elf.
• 40:24
  Buddy, what's your favorite color?
• 40:27
  Green. Excellent.
• 40:29
  Come up here, Come up here. Come talk to us.
• 40:31
  Buddy sheepishly and hesitantly comes up from his hidey hole.
• 40:37
  He's wearing a green jacket with wool trim.
• 40:41
  He has curly blonde hair. He has a red pointy hat, also
• 40:46
  wool lined. He is wearing green skin tight
• 40:50
  stockings. Yes, there is some moose knuckle
• 40:53
  happening around and he has. Depressive.
• 40:56
  Hello curled shoes with little bells on the end of the girls.
• 41:00
  I'm annoyed by your appearance already.
• 41:03
  Well, people say that to me all the time.
• 41:05
  Yes, I would try. And we say the same to him too.
• 41:09
  What? Don't talk to mixed nuts like
• 41:11
  that. Now I've.
• 41:12
  Lost interest. I'm just shaking the stocking
• 41:14
  and playing with it buddy. How long you been in here?
• 41:18
  Well, I've been in here for 45 years.
• 41:21
  That's quite a long time. You've been in this building
• 41:24
  itself for 45 years. Yeah.
• 41:26
  My goodness, that's a long time my friend.
• 41:30
  Now, being as you've been in this area for quite a while,
• 41:33
  what do you know about old Uncle Ricky?
• 41:37
  I believe his name was it was that was.
• 41:39
  Was that his name there? Fish.
• 41:41
  Uncle Ricky. Uncle Ricky?
• 41:43
  What you know about their Uncle Ricky?
• 41:48
  I don't know anybody named Ricky.
• 41:50
  I think he fucking means Krampus.
• 41:53
  That's. He's been hit on the head by too
• 41:56
  many watermelons. Yes.
• 42:00
  He comically like a cartoon character.
• 42:03
  As soon as you say the name Krampus, he starts biting his
• 42:06
  fingernails in a very cartoonish and floppish fashion.
• 42:09
  And he's like Krampus is big old meaning.
• 42:14
  Oh, that's, that's what we've heard.
• 42:16
  But we're also looking for for the soup that he's looking for
• 42:19
  as well. What do you know about that?
• 42:21
  His big wide blue eyes zoning on you and like, want soup?
• 42:25
  Well, yeah, I mean, I believe we all do.
• 42:29
  Everybody wants soup. Oh, I would like that soup, but
• 42:33
  I'm too much of A coward to go get it myself.
• 42:36
  Why don't you join in with us? Why don't you come with us?
• 42:40
  Come on, Doctor creature. What do you think about bringing
• 42:42
  this young man along with us? I come in the door.
• 42:44
  Pulling my hands up. Sweating.
• 42:47
  But isn't you Doctor creature this full grown ass man dressed
• 42:52
  as a 12 year old elf? What is this and why haven't you
• 42:56
  killed it? Well, this young man's got some
• 43:01
  information for us. He wants to come with us, go
• 43:03
  find some soup and possibly take out this Uncle Ricky issue.
• 43:06
  Oh, cramp. I'm going to go ahead and try to
• 43:09
  read his thoughts with the crowd.
• 43:10
  Oh. Good, here we go.
• 43:12
  OK, that. Is a 14 OH with a. 14 on the
• 43:19
  dot. You hear him go.
• 43:22
  These guys seem pretty weird. I like the guy I'm talking to,
• 43:26
  like he like, he seems pretty nice, but maybe he'd like one of
• 43:31
  my presents that I made. I look over at Harold.
• 43:35
  This guy thinks he has a present for you.
• 43:37
  Otherwise, he's worthless to us and we should just keep going.
• 43:41
  But look at all the edge of sketches.
• 43:43
  He made and. Then I just turn and start
• 43:48
  walking. Who doesn't love an Edge of
• 43:50
  sketch? They're very best, buddy.
• 43:53
  You said you had a gift for me or?
• 43:55
  Will, Terry said. Will you?
• 43:57
  Well, you're nice to me, so I guess you're well and and nice
• 44:03
  guys deserve a present. And he goes down back into his
• 44:06
  little hidey hole and pulls out a big red velvet bag.
• 44:09
  Please roll me AD. 12D12. You get to roll on 12 Days of
• 44:13
  Christmas weapons table, buddy. Hell damn, that would be an 8I.
• 44:20
  Regret nothing. Has anybody rolled an 8 yet?
• 44:23
  No, no, no. Oh yes, OK with that eight.
• 44:31
  He pulls out a bottle of milk. But.
• 44:38
  The milk. But the milk vessel itself is
• 44:40
  actually glorious. The even though the container is
• 44:44
  made of glass, it's surrounded by a gold gilded metal encasing
• 44:50
  with the Infinity symbol adorned on the front of it.
• 44:54
  Well this is glorious, my friend.
• 44:56
  What exactly is this that I'm looking at?
• 44:59
  I could. Taste.
• 45:00
  Test for you. I have a case.
• 45:02
  It's come. Never mind, I no longer have a
• 45:07
  guess. I mean, never mind.
• 45:10
  Now this wouldn't be semen, would it?
• 45:12
  He's been here, he's been here for 45 years.
• 45:15
  Do you see anything he's been able to milk?
• 45:18
  Look at all of the edges. Sketches.
• 45:20
  It's an infinite bottle. I see what you are saying now.
• 45:26
  Gentlemen, gentlemen, can we let the pole boy talk before we
• 45:29
  assume that he's filling this with a baby battery?
• 45:33
  Straight from the town. Well, it did take a while to
• 45:40
  fill up by myself. Well, this is This is a lot of
• 45:45
  hard work there my. Friend, I wouldn't assure you
• 45:48
  only a little bit of it is me. Seasoned screaming, but.
• 45:59
  But. Magical MILF inside.
• 46:02
  Oh my God. Is it now?
• 46:04
  Please please tell I. Have a feeling we knew that do
• 46:07
  you want? The.
• 46:09
  Buddy to tell you or do you want the DM to tell you?
• 46:12
  Oh, I would love Buddy to tell me.
• 46:14
  Well. Well, first of all, please roll
• 46:16
  me AD 4. Oh, I can.
• 46:18
  I can do that right now. My face hurts.
• 46:21
  That is A1. All right, so this bottle has
• 46:25
  enough to just have like. One drink of it.
• 46:27
  And buddy goes on to say well this is a magic milk made from 8
• 46:32
  maids a milk and it's supposedly gives you more health or it
• 46:38
  takes stuff away it's. Got back it licks his lips.
• 46:44
  More health or take stuff away? I'll give you 10 gold for that
• 46:51
  Rod. Basically you can either raise
• 46:54
  your HP by one or you instantly die.
• 46:59
  Oh, have a one in eight chance. Spoiler cut that out.
• 47:04
  No. All right, well I will take this
• 47:09
  gold gilded bottle of milk and I will put it in my satchel that
• 47:13
  will extend my hand out to thank Buddy.
• 47:16
  And when I do, I will take my knife out and I'm going to stab
• 47:18
  him in the chest because this boy is weak and he does not
• 47:21
  deserve to live. Oh my.
• 47:26
  God, why have you done this? I was going to feed on him.
• 47:28
  After everybody left. No, stop.
• 47:33
  Stop back. The boy ain't gonna die quickly.
• 47:36
  I mean, he was home safe after everybody left this.
• 47:39
  Oh, you've done the worst things.
• 47:41
  This this is the I think, OK, I think actually, no, it is kind
• 47:44
  of the sneak attack. So I don't think Buddy sees it
• 47:46
  coming. So you hold out your hand of
• 47:49
  friendship, Buddy. Truly excited that after so many
• 47:53
  years fighting underground, possibly masturbating furiously.
• 48:01
  It was an 8 maid's book and it was himself an 8 maid costume.
• 48:05
  Yeah, there's a lot of like, really white.
• 48:07
  Crustiness on that hand when he shakes it.
• 48:10
  But by the way, you see on his hands, he only has eight
• 48:12
  fingers. Oh my.
• 48:18
  Gosh, milk in that prostate. If you really want to weigh out,
• 48:26
  first you have to drink the milk.
• 48:27
  Yeah, and your picnic goes will be.
• 48:30
  He's like finally a friend after all these years.
• 48:34
  I can. Oh.
• 48:39
  The sweet release you stab him in right in the heart.
• 48:45
  Everybody stiffens up, spins around and floppishly falls on
• 48:50
  his back over dead and as his back hits the ground his legs
• 48:54
  come up and his legs fall down and hit the ground and his
• 48:57
  little bell slippers Jingle jangle as that is his last.
• 49:02
  Time. Yeah.
• 49:03
  I pee on him sorry guys the boy was sad I just had to I I
• 49:10
  couldn't stand stare at him for. Much longer I'm going to walk
• 49:13
  my. Way out of the room.
• 49:14
  This is the first time I have felt secure in this group.
• 49:17
  Bacula drops to his knees and cradles his balls.
• 49:21
  No. Oh no.
• 49:24
  No, we all know you're a vampire.
• 49:26
  You're so voluptuous with so much energy taken.
• 49:30
  Away. OK, fine, let's leave.
• 49:32
  This fucker's dead. Hold on, hold on.
• 49:34
  I want to see what's in this bag.
• 49:35
  I'm already almost out the door. I want to dig in this bag quick.
• 49:39
  Bring it with you face. You're digging the bag and there
• 49:41
  is nothing else in it. Anything else?
• 49:43
  Oh, see you, it's all your magic.
• 49:45
  Man. Actually, no, you do find some
• 49:47
  milk stains. That kind of.
• 49:52
  You're. Not getting that out of velvet.
• 49:55
  Nope. All right, well, with that you
• 49:58
  make your way to the next stop. Somebody will me AD 20.
• 50:03
  I think I've done enough. I'll do it.
• 50:07
  All right, what's next for the Christmas mukaki?
• 50:10
  18. 18. Oh yay, let me.
• 50:14
  See. Here.
• 50:14
  One second, the sweet release of death.
• 50:17
  The sweet. Release.
• 50:19
  Of death. Oh yeah, you died.
• 50:20
  No, I'm kidding. Damn.
• 50:23
  It OK please roll me AD 8. 6. As you continue to walk through
• 50:29
  the forest, you see a person next to a tiny cauldron hanging
• 50:36
  from this red metal harness. That person is dressed in a
• 50:40
  black trench coat and a Black Hat obscuring their eyes.
• 50:44
  Ringing. And that person is ringing a
• 50:48
  gold bell. He is asking for donations.
• 50:53
  I'm going to try and read his thoughts.
• 50:56
  All right, DR14 presents. Take away his gift.
• 51:00
  That's a 70 everybody hears. I wonder if he wants a free dog
• 51:06
  and looks down at Mr. Snoot's. No, he's a good boy.
• 51:11
  Hey now, he's my pissing partner.
• 51:14
  The only thing I've seen you do is piss, but you're always
• 51:16
  trying to shit. What's up with that?
• 51:19
  I'm sorry my penis isn't constipated.
• 51:21
  I don't know what the fuck you're trying to ask me, friend.
• 51:23
  I don't know, it seems like you have something up your butt.
• 51:25
  Yes, I thought I made that clear like a day ago.
• 51:29
  I wasn't paying attention. I was preoccupied with my own
• 51:32
  thoughts. What's up with the?
• 51:34
  Will you blink? I.
• 51:35
  Yes. Oh, OK.
• 51:37
  While they're bickering, I'm going to put a couple gold
• 51:39
  pieces in this. For safe passage.
• 51:42
  Cool, please roll me DR12 presents.
• 51:46
  Good Lord, there's a lot of roles lately.
• 51:48
  I'm good. I'm.
• 51:49
  A I'm nice. Embrace the chaos, man.
• 51:51
  Tan. With the TN the beggar without
• 51:56
  looking. At you.
• 51:57
  He goes. Thank you for your contribution.
• 52:02
  And keeps ringing his bow. Oh, you're welcome.
• 52:05
  Is that it? Yes.
• 52:09
  I'm going to walk by and do the same.
• 52:11
  I'm going to drop 2 silver in there.
• 52:13
  OK please roll me DR12 presence. OK.
• 52:17
  Oh, that's natural. 20 + 3, so that's 23.
• 52:20
  I think I rolled. The wrong bass.
• 52:21
  Oh. Yay.
• 52:24
  Roll me. D4 please.
• 52:26
  AD 4, that's a four. It's a four roll.
• 52:30
  Me AD 10. Oh my gosh, so many rolls.
• 52:36
  It's A7. A7 OK.
• 52:39
  With that, the old man stops ringing his bell and his head
• 52:44
  turns to you. He lifts his hat up, uncovering
• 52:47
  his face, and it's an undead Empress manipulated by the silk
• 52:51
  theme to be allowed to carve and cut the unsavory and distill for
• 52:56
  decoctions. Fuck, did you just say?
• 52:59
  Right. Flip a coin.
• 53:03
  Or throw me AD 2 even his heads on his tails.
• 53:08
  Even his heads. All right, she gives you this
• 53:14
  vial of putrid smelling pus, raising a chosen ability to +7
• 53:19
  for D 6 + 20 minutes. Wow.
• 53:23
  What? 37 I think this guy has some
• 53:26
  sort of like fetish for just carrying liquids.
• 53:29
  Yeah, a lot of weird, mysterious.
• 53:32
  D 6 * 20. Minutes.
• 53:34
  Viscous liquids. And you can raise the chosen
• 53:38
  ability to +7 for that amount of time.
• 53:40
  That's insane. Well.
• 53:42
  My Lord, I will tip my hat to her and I'll I will continue to
• 53:47
  walk off. Thank you man.
• 53:48
  I appreciate you. I think I'm trying too hard
• 53:52
  honestly. Sorry, sometimes I'm just lucky
• 53:56
  my friends look. I do not have much off of her,
• 53:58
  but I do have the strange pine cone I was gifted earlier and
• 54:01
  I'm going to take it out but you can't keep the pin and I take
• 54:05
  the pin out and then I drop it into the the donation box and
• 54:10
  then I walk off. You wait, wait, You really do.
• 54:15
  I really do. Happy holidays everybody.
• 54:22
  Did I fuck it up? I can't tell if that's
• 54:28
  disappointment on your face. Or, well, it's bewilderment.
• 54:34
  Are. All of.
• 54:34
  You. Close to the cauldron, I mean.
• 54:37
  I absolutely was not. I think we all.
• 54:39
  Were just walked off from it after.
• 54:42
  That's very true. OK, I will say that nobody is
• 54:45
  near it. So when you do that, you pull
• 54:49
  the pin, you put it in the pot at the bell ringer without
• 54:55
  hesitating to stop. The bell looks down into it and
• 54:59
  sees what you put in it and looks in and looks in and then a
• 55:04
  massive fucking explosion where he stands and when the smoke
• 55:13
  clears there is only a crater and a bell.
• 55:18
  The bell falls from the sky with a bud in the snow.
• 55:24
  I believe that's your bell. Okay, and I'll slide down and
• 55:29
  pick up the bell. And that was just in your
• 55:30
  pocket, just loose. You've been, you've been just
• 55:34
  walking around with it. I did, I did not know what he
• 55:37
  was going to just explode. Bigger question is why was it
• 55:41
  gifted to me? That.
• 55:45
  Is the question of the year. Yeah, actually a valid question.
• 55:48
  Yeah, actually, yes. But now I've got 2 gifts, this
• 55:51
  bell and this pinhole thing. I'm going to reach down and give
• 55:55
  Mr. Mix News some scratches because this is traumatizing for
• 55:59
  myself. I can only imagine what the dog
• 56:00
  is going through. Good point.
• 56:05
  Yeah, big same. Big same I.
• 56:07
  Walk. I walk over to the crater and I
• 56:10
  put by this torn up slobbery stocking in it as my donation.
• 56:17
  Then I pee on it and walk away, you know?
• 56:19
  What you gave something? Oh.
• 56:25
  Actually, no, it's not gold, so it doesn't work.
• 56:27
  All right, you hear a faint thank.
• 56:31
  You on the whip, woof. Please don't mess in the pot.
• 56:39
  Oh shit, I'd sit my pants up. Come one, come all, join us as
• 57:15
  we dive into the dying world of Mork Board and the Board
• 57:19
  universe. Whispers of the Dying Lands is a
• 57:22
  podcast with one mission to spread the word of Mecker Bell
• 57:26
  as third party content creators share the prophecies of Verhu.
• 57:32
  Hi, your host Alaska's teams up with everyone's favorite scum,
• 57:36
  Iron Tusk, Tevin. From Flail to the Face, we sit
• 57:39
  down with content creators to help promote and try to give
• 57:43
  maximum exposure and efforts to support their crowdfunding
• 57:47
  campaigns. And with that, you all keep
• 58:19
  walking. I'm.
• 58:21
  I let me. See who wants to roll the last
• 58:24
  D20? OK.
• 58:25
  I guess I'll do this thing. OK.
• 58:29
  Yeah, you would do a non. Destructive thing you did A5
• 58:32
  you. Did A5.
• 58:34
  All right, you did that part already, Jake, Roll it again,
• 58:37
  please. OK, I'm gonna say 2112. 12.
• 58:41
  You come to a section of forest, it's an open field and all of a
• 58:46
  sudden you hear the crack of a whip and through the woods you
• 58:51
  hear a snarling voice bark at you and say you think you can
• 58:57
  get the soup, you little chucklefucks.
• 59:00
  Well, you got another thing coming.
• 59:03
  You lads get them. Oh shit.
• 59:08
  Oh no. I think that was Uncle.
• 59:09
  Ricky. I believe you're correct.
• 59:13
  So I'm going to pull up my spine sword and get ready for whatever
• 59:17
  the fuck just hollered at me, I suppose.
• 59:19
  All right, Jake, roll me AD shit.
• 59:27
  Roll it after a day. It's a leopard, Cole.
• 59:29
  That's. True, it's AD 2.
• 59:33
  AD deuce, if you will. Roll me AD. 20. 2.
• 59:38
  All right, Ferris, roll me AD 20. 4. 4.
• 59:43
  Mr. Mcsnoots, roll me AD 20. 10. Harold, please roll me AD 20.
• 59:48
  Absolutely. That's number four.
• 59:51
  OK fiasc, please roll me AD 20. What's the one give me?
• 59:58
  You'll see. Oh God.
• 1:00:01
  And finally, Doctor creature, please roll me AD. 20 Lebanon.
• 1:00:06
  Lebanon. All.
• 1:00:08
  Right, and with that you see 5 gnomish people appear from the
• 1:00:14
  woods. The first figure comes out and
• 1:00:19
  he goes, yeah, I'm she Claude, and you're fucked sheep coat.
• 1:00:29
  Claude is a stubby little guy and he is armed with a flail.
• 1:00:36
  The second creature is a kind of gaunt, kind of a thin guy still
• 1:00:41
  like all of these gentlemen are like waist height.
• 1:00:44
  The second guy comes out and he goes this and get my name's
• 1:00:51
  Gooey Gok and I'm going to fucking drive my fucking knife
• 1:00:57
  in your. Fucking.
• 1:00:58
  Spleen. That guy's very high.
• 1:01:03
  Yeah. You see the the third combatant
• 1:01:07
  comes out and he's wielding a giant spoon.
• 1:01:10
  You've heard of this guy? He's known as spoon liquor.
• 1:01:14
  Old spoon liquor. Famous old the family spoon.
• 1:01:16
  He's a Spooner liquor. The last two are kind of weird
• 1:01:21
  looking, you see a dude with big old eyes.
• 1:01:25
  And. For lack of a better term,
• 1:01:28
  creepy as fuck. He looks at all of you and goes
• 1:01:33
  the name's window. Peeper.
• 1:01:38
  Grin. And the last one is just a guy
• 1:01:42
  with a big nose and he goes beware.
• 1:01:46
  I'm. Doorway.
• 1:01:47
  Sniffer. I I want to look at Fisk, I
• 1:01:50
  think. I think this might be your
• 1:01:52
  family. Yeah, this makes a lot of sense.
• 1:01:54
  Yeah, I can see the relation. It does seem to track.
• 1:01:57
  Those are my nephews and nieces. Well, go talk to them.
• 1:02:02
  Let's let's sound weird. They're weird.
• 1:02:04
  They look at me through the window and then sniff my
• 1:02:07
  doorway. That's some sort of euphemism
• 1:02:09
  for something. No, that's what they do.
• 1:02:11
  You all you guys know right away, these guys don't want to
• 1:02:13
  talk. They want to fight.
• 1:02:15
  More accurately, they want to beat the shit out of all of you.
• 1:02:18
  Oh. Well, that's just not very kind
• 1:02:20
  of them at all. Please.
• 1:02:21
  Roll. Initiative.
• 1:02:23
  Somebody roll it. I'll do it.
• 1:02:26
  This is your family. It's us.
• 1:02:28
  I want to shoot the window sniffer in the head with the
• 1:02:31
  window. Sniffer.
• 1:02:34
  All right, window sniffer or no doorway sniffer.
• 1:02:37
  No, the window sniffer. The window peeper the.
• 1:02:40
  Window. Peeper, Yeah.
• 1:02:42
  All right, please roll DR12. Agility.
• 1:02:45
  That is a 21 you. Feel Max damage.
• 1:02:53
  Let me roll it first. I'm feeling you.
• 1:02:55
  Feeling lucky? Hot to try CX CX eh all.
• 1:03:03
  Right, well that's six. You take aim at window peeper,
• 1:03:07
  you got him dead in your sights. You launch a bolt right into one
• 1:03:11
  of these fuckers gigantic eye and he immediately falls over
• 1:03:15
  dead. You holy shit about this guy?
• 1:03:20
  That's what you get. Stay away from my windows you
• 1:03:23
  freaks. You just fucking killed your
• 1:03:27
  nephew. I never liked him.
• 1:03:30
  I never liked. Him anyway, that's your.
• 1:03:34
  Kid's children. What the hell are you doing,
• 1:03:36
  uncle? Ricky.
• 1:03:38
  Why'd you do it, Uncle Chis? Squire.
• 1:03:42
  You're. Nicks.
• 1:03:46
  Who's next? End of like your weird brother.
• 1:03:50
  Man Scott Bakula is going to use one of his powers to call upon
• 1:03:54
  Barbara. Yes.
• 1:03:57
  Barbara. Nobody knows this, but I made
• 1:04:02
  this class up on my own skis and one of my powers is, his name is
• 1:04:06
  Barbara. You have a servant who can
• 1:04:08
  attempt most tasks at DR13. What he's disfigured with six
• 1:04:13
  HP. So it's kind of like the birds
• 1:04:14
  and stuff like that. But from under my Cape, I fill
• 1:04:17
  out this like weird little whistle and I put it, I put it
• 1:04:21
  to my lips and I blow on it real hard.
• 1:04:23
  And then this weird disfigured gremlin like man comes trotting
• 1:04:28
  out of the wood line. What is that thing?
• 1:04:31
  Oh, sweet lady. Jesus.
• 1:04:33
  Why? Yes, Master.
• 1:04:35
  Oh. You have arrived, Barbara.
• 1:04:38
  Look. Yes, we have to kill a family, a
• 1:04:41
  whole lineage. This says so.
• 1:04:43
  So here, take my spine sword and go do my bidding.
• 1:04:47
  I will be in the background watching.
• 1:04:49
  Barbara takes up his spine sword and I believe he's going to try
• 1:04:54
  to go for sheep coat claws. He.
• 1:04:58
  Tell me, how much does your sword do?
• 1:05:00
  D4D4 and no other abilities to that.
• 1:05:04
  No. It's just a spine sword that I
• 1:05:06
  ripped out of someone's back. Sweet.
• 1:05:08
  All right, Please roll me a Somebody roll agility for sheep,
• 1:05:11
  Coach Claw. I will, since I'm you got a
• 1:05:16
  Herald. I got it.
• 1:05:17
  I rolled the two. OK.
• 1:05:20
  Oh yeah, no, he completely fails.
• 1:05:21
  Agility is not as strong so he has a -. 2 to agility.
• 1:05:26
  All right, please roll AD 4 for damage 2 for that 2.
• 1:05:32
  Barbara goes throwing my Nestor and he lays sheep coat clawed
• 1:05:37
  with his with your bone sword. Wait, is Barbara he or she?
• 1:05:41
  That's whatever. OK, it's hard to tell.
• 1:05:45
  To. Be honest to damage to sheep,
• 1:05:48
  Coach clawed. All right, who wants to go next?
• 1:05:52
  Was sheep sheep Co clawed the the main the big one?
• 1:05:55
  Yeah, he was the biggest one. Perfect.
• 1:05:58
  Well what I would like to do was I would like to pull this random
• 1:06:01
  scroll out of my satchel, which is telekinesis.
• 1:06:06
  So I would like to take this this fine fellow, and I would
• 1:06:10
  like to lift him to the top of the treetops and rest him on top
• 1:06:14
  of a tree so he's out of the way for at least a round.
• 1:06:18
  All right. Is there a role that has to be
• 1:06:20
  done for? That yeah, I think it's, well,
• 1:06:22
  it's a scroll, so I think it's Dr. 14 presents.
• 1:06:25
  Oh, a scroll? I thought you said a squirrel.
• 1:06:27
  Yeah. Squirrel.
• 1:06:30
  Squirrel. Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel.
• 1:06:33
  So. So I have this scroll that is
• 1:06:37
  attached to a squirrel that was in my satchel.
• 1:06:40
  Yeah, no, it's a scroll. What is it?
• 1:06:43
  DR12 presents. Yes.
• 1:06:47
  That is a 5, so I'm going to burn an omen.
• 1:06:52
  OK, how? Many of those things you.
• 1:06:54
  Got I have six of them. What are?
• 1:06:58
  You my my character's an omen thief, so.
• 1:07:01
  Yeah, yeah, maybe, maybe now that we're in it.
• 1:07:05
  I'm playing the detested luck Leech.
• 1:07:07
  So your omens are now my omens as well.
• 1:07:11
  So it's it's a group thing. We're you know, we're we're all
• 1:07:14
  friends. I'm going to so I'm going to re
• 1:07:17
  roll. That's a 10.
• 1:07:21
  Wait a minute. Oh, just.
• 1:07:23
  Wait a minute, I think that. That is, a is.
• 1:07:26
  An arcane catastrophe? Yes, it is.
• 1:07:29
  It is. Arcane Catastrophe.
• 1:07:31
  All. Right.
• 1:07:32
  What did you? Roll this story.
• 1:07:34
  I rolled in 11. What?
• 1:07:37
  Does OK. Within D4 days, a bottle cocoon
• 1:07:41
  heaves from the ground, soon bursting and spawning your
• 1:07:45
  exact. Clone.
• 1:07:46
  It is unemployed and begins to spread mischief and suffering.
• 1:07:50
  This happens every couple of days until the ground is
• 1:07:52
  cleansed with holy water or fire.
• 1:07:55
  So please roll me AD 4. That's a three.
• 1:07:58
  All right, so every three days your brother comes up and is
• 1:08:03
  being a little brat. But.
• 1:08:08
  This. Cell fizzles out and sheep goat
• 1:08:10
  clawed goes. What the fuck you trying to do?
• 1:08:14
  Leave David Blaine? Well, I can explain that.
• 1:08:17
  Was something completely different supposed to happen
• 1:08:19
  with that? All righty, who wants to tussle
• 1:08:22
  with the Yule Lads? Next.
• 1:08:25
  Theras will go and try to hit one in the face with this claw
• 1:08:28
  hammer and. Cool, Which?
• 1:08:30
  Which? Which guy are you going for?
• 1:08:32
  There's sheep clawed. There's bully gawk, there's a
• 1:08:36
  spoon liquor, and then there's doorway sniffer.
• 1:08:40
  Let's do spoon liquor. All right.
• 1:08:43
  That is a 15. All right, what are you
• 1:08:48
  attacking? With one of my hands is a claw
• 1:08:51
  hammer. Cool, and how many I'm?
• 1:08:54
  Gonna I'm gonna go ahead and omen that for Max damage for so
• 1:08:57
  6. Oh. 6IN you're going with spoon
• 1:09:00
  liquor? Actually tell me how you fucking
• 1:09:02
  kill him. Yeah, yeah, I come up there and
• 1:09:06
  it's just like the worrying and clicking of the clockwork
• 1:09:08
  mechanical body going and I just like ratchet back with my arm.
• 1:09:13
  And then it's just like a repeated hammering blow into the
• 1:09:16
  face and it just slowly like caves it back in and then he
• 1:09:21
  just drops down. All right, who's next?
• 1:09:24
  We got? Yeah, we got Snoots and then we
• 1:09:27
  got Doctor Creature, I think. Yeah.
• 1:09:30
  Nate, you can go first if you want.
• 1:09:35
  Do I think? You can.
• 1:09:36
  You can do something if you want.
• 1:09:38
  Why would I do that? I.
• 1:09:40
  Probably just. I don't know.
• 1:09:42
  I could what? You could just come on things.
• 1:09:46
  Hey, man, don't, don't get ahead of me now.
• 1:09:49
  No, I'm going to pull Spider Man.
• 1:09:51
  God damn it, I'm going to pull out my crowbar and I'm going to
• 1:09:59
  try to attack fucking. There is gully gawk and doorway
• 1:10:04
  sniffer. I hate both of those names.
• 1:10:09
  I think. Gully gawk, I think.
• 1:10:12
  All right. 2nd omen to succeed that.
• 1:10:16
  You succeed. And how much damage does your
• 1:10:18
  crowbar do? D4 which means one.
• 1:10:21
  So you like you're just looking at gully gawk with hatred in
• 1:10:25
  your eyes like this motherfucker.
• 1:10:26
  I don't know what about. Him.
• 1:10:29
  And you run up to him, but like you kind of slip on some snow
• 1:10:33
  and you managed to let a glancing blow, dealing one
• 1:10:36
  damage to gully gawk. And he goes.
• 1:10:41
  You can't. Pay for that, you fucking creep.
• 1:10:44
  Oh shit, here we go. I told you you're supposed to
• 1:10:46
  just kill them. They're weird.
• 1:10:47
  No, you're right. I'll Next time I'll not.
• 1:10:49
  I'll definitely kill him. All right.
• 1:10:51
  But Walt. You're AI would like to use my
• 1:10:54
  howl ability. What is that?
• 1:10:57
  So once per combat I can make a presence DR12 test and if I
• 1:11:02
  succeed I force a morale check from the enemies all.
• 1:11:05
  Right. Please roll.
• 1:11:09
  That's wow. 19. OK Oh wow, I did.
• 1:11:18
  I did not give them. Morale all.
• 1:11:24
  Right, so. Holy shit please run me two D6.
• 1:11:28
  Three and five S total of 8. All right, 8.
• 1:11:35
  These. Two miscreants, these weird
• 1:11:39
  humanoids look at their brethren.
• 1:11:43
  They look back at each other. Doorway sniffer looks at sheep
• 1:11:47
  Coke Claude and goes, fuck this thumb out and he just runs away
• 1:11:51
  into the woods. Meanwhile, sheep coke Claude
• 1:11:56
  firmly stands his ground. He's kind of shaking a little
• 1:12:00
  bit and like, he sort of like whips himself up into a frenzy.
• 1:12:04
  There he goes. I got it free to you and I think
• 1:12:07
  he's going to try to attack you and make snoots.
• 1:12:10
  Howl. Howl again?
• 1:12:11
  No, no. He's just howl.
• 1:12:14
  That was just my howl. All right?
• 1:12:19
  So you wanted a defense for me? Yeah, Defense.
• 1:12:22
  Yes. Oh.
• 1:12:25
  That's a nine I'm going to omen to reduce.
• 1:12:28
  All right, he takes his Mace that he calls the bleeding heart
• 1:12:32
  and he tries to double hand overhead smash you, but he
• 1:12:38
  swings too wide and misses and sort of just like slams it into
• 1:12:42
  the ground and that is. His.
• 1:12:45
  Turn. Let's see now who's who's turn
• 1:12:47
  to attack is it now? I think after listening to the
• 1:12:51
  howl of this human faced dog and Mr. Creature looking ahead him
• 1:12:56
  with hatred in his eyes with that eight of the first morale
• 1:12:59
  check, I'm going to say Gully Gok is freaked out and fucking
• 1:13:03
  bolts it like doorway sniffer and she goes.
• 1:13:07
  You. Coward.
• 1:13:09
  All right. Whose initiative?
• 1:13:11
  Five. That's us.
• 1:13:13
  I would like to use one more power before we murder this man.
• 1:13:17
  It's my last time that I can use it.
• 1:13:19
  What beautiful skin. Persuading people is easier for
• 1:13:22
  the sexy dead. Too bad you look nowhere near
• 1:13:24
  your cousin. So I get like, an advantage on
• 1:13:26
  persuasion. I'm going to like, move like
• 1:13:29
  vampires. Wait, I'm not a vampire?
• 1:13:31
  You guys talking? About that I'm going.
• 1:13:32
  To move up to him real quick with my Cape over my mouth and
• 1:13:35
  then pull it back as if you could fend me off, as if you
• 1:13:39
  could outrun me. And I RIP my shirt off and I'm
• 1:13:41
  just sparkling like crazy. Leave now or become mine
• 1:13:46
  forever. You just watched Twilight?
• 1:13:53
  Or something. On my mind.
• 1:13:57
  Is that ADR? Is that DRL?
• 1:13:58
  Is that presence? For perception I guess.
• 1:14:01
  Do we have to do this now? I feel like we.
• 1:14:04
  I'm not shining my breasts at you.
• 1:14:06
  I don't know man. Wait, you have breasts?
• 1:14:09
  Full on breasts. He's very books.
• 1:14:11
  Yeah. Everyone's got breasts.
• 1:14:15
  I'm trying to persuade this man to leave.
• 1:14:16
  Though that does not sound like leaving.
• 1:14:20
  What do I have to roll? If it's a power, it's presence
• 1:14:22
  of presence. Dr. 12 Presence.
• 1:14:25
  Okay. I did.
• 1:14:27
  I got 15. I think with that it kind of
• 1:14:30
  worked too well. You're glittering naked, torso
• 1:14:37
  glistening and shining, not burning as real vampires would
• 1:14:41
  happen, but. It's the ones from the real
• 1:14:45
  world. Jake, instead of being feared
• 1:14:48
  away like you anticipated he would do, he looks at you up and
• 1:14:53
  down with lust in his eyes and goes.
• 1:14:56
  He's warning. I'll do whatever you say.
• 1:15:00
  My love. And he around and walks away
• 1:15:05
  into the forest and you guys have won that fight.
• 1:15:09
  I would have assumed that would have come from the one with the
• 1:15:12
  name Gok, but OK. Oh.
• 1:15:16
  Like Gok Gok 3000. Yes.
• 1:15:19
  Right. I've heard that joke before.
• 1:15:20
  Yeah. Well, now that you've made that
• 1:15:23
  sufficiently awkward, let's continue.
• 1:15:26
  Hey, Scott Bakula only uses what's at his fingertips.
• 1:15:31
  Complete awkwardness because it worked.
• 1:15:36
  Go wash your hands indeed. Don't want to?
• 1:15:38
  The cream will come off. And.
• 1:15:45
  Walking. Where did where did your Uncle
• 1:15:47
  Ricky go? Where did he go?
• 1:15:48
  It's funny that you say Uncle Ricky.
• 1:15:50
  You keep walking in the forest and all of a sudden a wonderful
• 1:15:54
  smell hits your nose. A hearty, hearty smell of meat
• 1:16:00
  and chopped vegetables. You have found the layer of the
• 1:16:05
  soup. The.
• 1:16:06
  Woof. I could not agree more there,
• 1:16:11
  Mr. Mcsnoots before you. Massive Colosseum.
• 1:16:15
  Think of the Colosseum in Rome, adorned on the outside with
• 1:16:19
  beautiful columns made of marble stone.
• 1:16:23
  In the columns are etchings of depictions of warriors, and at
• 1:16:27
  the top of the pillars stands a statue of Saint Nicholas
• 1:16:32
  himself, The Bloody Claws. His statues all have red robes
• 1:16:37
  wrapped around them. You make your way into the
• 1:16:40
  Colosseum and you see the statues of every single
• 1:16:44
  combatant that had ended here. There's over 100 statues of
• 1:16:49
  these mighty warriors, some weird looking, some are just
• 1:16:55
  normal men with big buck off weapons.
• 1:16:58
  I was going to allow you guys at this point to make up some
• 1:17:01
  warriors as you look by and describe them.
• 1:17:04
  There's a very small creature holding a sword staff.
• 1:17:08
  Yeah, a broom sword. Yeah, I figured that might be
• 1:17:11
  the case. Skeleton flipping someone off.
• 1:17:15
  Yeah. There seems to be a gentleman
• 1:17:17
  with his hands that look like they're on fire.
• 1:17:20
  There's an edge alert kid with a Cortana.
• 1:17:22
  There's a, there's a dude that's just like mostly a monkey, I
• 1:17:25
  think, but he's definitely not just a monkey.
• 1:17:29
  Park camp alert counts. Also another automaton that
• 1:17:32
  looks like it has a lot of penises on its.
• 1:17:34
  Back. No, no, not to do that one.
• 1:17:39
  You also see a statue of a giant muscular man.
• 1:17:43
  The name on the plaque says Pellgrain, and underneath it,
• 1:17:47
  written in blood, says I live. Up there, fucker.
• 1:17:54
  Oh, there's Deuce Piggly too. Fucking name.
• 1:17:57
  And as you enter the entrance to the Colosseum, well, the
• 1:18:02
  entrance to the actual arena, the.
• 1:18:04
  Pit. You see Uncle Ricky right in the
• 1:18:08
  middle and he turns around and he looks at the slip of you and
• 1:18:12
  he goes. Well, well, well.
• 1:18:16
  What bad little children have entered by Coliseum.
• 1:18:22
  You know you're not allowed to talk to me that way.
• 1:18:24
  He. Points weapon at you and those.
• 1:18:27
  I can talk to you however I want, you boy.
• 1:18:30
  You're not allowed to, Mom said. You can't.
• 1:18:37
  Oh, I remember what your Mama said last night.
• 1:18:39
  That's your sister, you weirdo. You have a very strange.
• 1:18:43
  Family. Do I have banjo music in the
• 1:18:45
  background? What the hell is going on here?
• 1:18:48
  We're related. That's my mom, your sister,
• 1:18:51
  Uncle Ricky. Not they don't.
• 1:18:53
  You judge me. I'm gonna look over at Scott
• 1:19:01
  Back. You'll be like this is one
• 1:19:03
  complex back story if I ever heard.
• 1:19:07
  You are so right. I'm not, I'm sorry, I'm.
• 1:19:11
  I'm not that kind of doctor. You guys got to figure this shit
• 1:19:14
  out yourself. He needs to dive.
• 1:19:16
  He's talk about sleeping with my mommy sister, that weirdo.
• 1:19:20
  Fucking wipe your tears. Let's.
• 1:19:22
  Fucking. Sort this out then.
• 1:19:24
  Wet them crocodile tears off your face.
• 1:19:28
  Krampus cracks his whip, and he goes.
• 1:19:30
  More importantly, none of you were getting the Super Saint
• 1:19:34
  Nicholas. I'm definitely getting that soup
• 1:19:37
  after I drink your fucking blood.
• 1:19:41
  Oh. Shit, I think I could have swore
• 1:19:43
  that. Scott Beckley was the vampire.
• 1:19:45
  That's not. Blood.
• 1:19:46
  I'm a cannibal cook, OK? Never mind that.
• 1:19:50
  When I think with that, Saint Nicholas blows a horn and three
• 1:19:55
  more Yule lads come to his aid. And I blow my whistle again and
• 1:19:59
  Barbara fucking blimps up. What ain't it called bitch?
• 1:20:03
  So the three 3 remaining Yule Lads are sausage swiper.
• 1:20:09
  Do a girl like that in high school?
• 1:20:11
  Yeah. No.
• 1:20:12
  There's. Door slammer.
• 1:20:14
  OK, it's just fucking rude. And finally Stubby, that is his
• 1:20:18
  name in mythology. Stubby.
• 1:20:21
  OK. All right.
• 1:20:22
  All righty because of. The shape of his.
• 1:20:24
  Penis. Goddamn.
• 1:20:28
  The. Whole initiative.
• 1:20:32
  Oh my God. Somebody else?
• 1:20:34
  I got 6. All right.
• 1:20:37
  Uncle Ricky with my crossbow. All right, you do it, boy. 15.
• 1:20:45
  All right, and that that fucking hits, so please roll me damage
• 1:20:51
  with your crossbow bolt. 6. All right, what's good?
• 1:20:57
  Max damage, right? So OK, you take game, shoot a
• 1:21:02
  mighty bolt, smack dab at center mass at Uncle Ricky, and you
• 1:21:07
  deal with popping 6 damage to him.
• 1:21:10
  And he is my mother. You.
• 1:21:15
  Take the fucking love to pull up your ass for Christmas.
• 1:21:17
  Wait, what? No, you already gave him that
• 1:21:21
  damn all. Right.
• 1:21:21
  Who's next? I'm going.
• 1:21:23
  To hell again. Damn you.
• 1:21:25
  Maybe. You can go first if you want.
• 1:21:26
  I was just trying to get rid of the Yule Lads.
• 1:21:28
  I was actually just going to give Fisk Baskins one of my
• 1:21:32
  tinctures. Is this that weird?
• 1:21:34
  Forever milk. Not the one.
• 1:21:38
  Not the one that he got. OK.
• 1:21:40
  Just plug your nose and drink this.
• 1:21:42
  Oh no, bottoms up, is what I always say.
• 1:21:45
  Roller D6. Actually it's toes up, but who's
• 1:21:47
  who's 4? EFD 2 armor for four rounds.
• 1:21:51
  Oh nice. Who is next?
• 1:21:55
  I was going to howl unless anyone especially wants to
• 1:21:57
  attack the you lads go for it, do it presents.
• 1:22:01
  Oh damn it, that's a nine. I'm going to burn my last omen
• 1:22:05
  to reduce. OK.
• 1:22:07
  Otherwise, Kevin is just going to steal it.
• 1:22:12
  Yeah, please roll. Around.
• 1:22:15
  What's a? Four and a 59.
• 1:22:19
  With that 9. How?
• 1:22:21
  You how you snarl. You're human slash dog like
• 1:22:26
  teeth. You're human slash dog like face
• 1:22:31
  curls and distorts into an ungodly image.
• 1:22:34
  Ungodly enough to scare the fuck out of sausage swiper, door
• 1:22:39
  slammer and stubby and. They.
• 1:22:42
  Run the fuck away. Actually.
• 1:22:46
  Scott Bakula From the bleachers you hear sheep coat clawed go
• 1:22:53
  go, my love. You can't do it.
• 1:22:56
  I'm. Going to turn around and look at
• 1:22:58
  him yes I know no please, please don't let everyone know what's
• 1:23:01
  going on here. Just.
• 1:23:03
  You're so. Hot I need to be quiet so that
• 1:23:08
  Daddy can focus on the mission and.
• 1:23:16
  Sheep called Claude sits back down and bites his lower lip.
• 1:23:23
  All. Right.
• 1:23:24
  Who's next? For the record, the ability I
• 1:23:26
  used is called Ounce of Prevention.
• 1:23:28
  It's from a character like Kevin's that I wrote.
• 1:23:30
  It's the plague Pit practitioner.
• 1:23:32
  Nice. Very cute.
• 1:23:34
  Very cute indeed. Who's next?
• 1:23:38
  I. Will run up and try to skewer
• 1:23:42
  Uncle Ricky with my blade hand. All right.
• 1:23:46
  That is going to miss. So as I like go to like wind up
• 1:23:51
  the swing down, he just kind of knocks my arm aside.
• 1:23:55
  Oh, he's not going to make it, is he?
• 1:23:58
  Nice try you fucking tin can. Damn that's racist as hell.
• 1:24:12
  Fucking read my mind. Did everybody have a go?
• 1:24:16
  No, not being very skilled with the melee weapons, Old Herald is
• 1:24:21
  going to pull out a sword and make a feeble attempt to try to
• 1:24:25
  swipe at old Uncle Ricky. Swap at Ricky.
• 1:24:29
  Swapping at Ricky. I have a feeling that Uncle
• 1:24:32
  Ricky is not really your uncle. He might be your dad.
• 1:24:41
  That is a nine. With a nine, that does not cut
• 1:24:45
  it. No.
• 1:24:47
  So does Barbara count as my move if I use him or?
• 1:24:52
  Well, he's a power, so technically.
• 1:24:55
  Or can I only use him once? He's just here to watch the show
• 1:24:58
  then. I thought you used your last
• 1:25:00
  power last time with the glitter sparkle.
• 1:25:03
  So now Barbara's just here to watch.
• 1:25:04
  Well, I I don't have my spine sword because Barbara has it.
• 1:25:07
  So Scott Bakula is going to run and jump with his unnatural not
• 1:25:11
  a vampire strength and try to bite Uncle Ricky on the neck.
• 1:25:16
  Quantum leap right there. So good, never even seen the
• 1:25:23
  show. Contact boost.
• 1:25:27
  Damn. It Oh dear, I think.
• 1:25:29
  I think Scott Bakula's going to use his omen to re quantum leap
• 1:25:33
  that. Fuck.
• 1:25:37
  What's your role? And eight.
• 1:25:39
  All right, with that you do a leap straight into Uncle Ricky,
• 1:25:43
  but Uncle Ricky sees you coming and he's sort of like Juno,
• 1:25:48
  moves you and flips you 5 feet away and you land right on your
• 1:25:52
  ass. He's no Dracula.
• 1:25:53
  Oh. Fuck.
• 1:25:55
  I believe Ferris, you're the closest, right?
• 1:25:58
  Sounds like all three of those guys.
• 1:26:00
  Yeah, I mean, I went to swing at him, so I'm.
• 1:26:03
  Fairly close too. All right, Krampus, AKA Uncle
• 1:26:07
  Ricky is going to take his short swords, which oddly enough is
• 1:26:13
  like black and gnarled steel, and he's going to try to lay in
• 1:26:18
  the youth. Please roll defense.
• 1:26:20
  It is going to be a defense roll because I have medium armor.
• 1:26:25
  I need a 14 and I got a 12. All right, and he lays in you
• 1:26:33
  with a short sword. Somebody roll AD 6.
• 1:26:37
  I'll do it. You're welcome, Thomas, to one.
• 1:26:41
  Oh. Well then yeah, my armor
• 1:26:42
  deflects it. Yes.
• 1:26:46
  Hell with Uncle Ricky. Krampus swipes his sword at you,
• 1:26:50
  sees that his sword did nothing to you except maybe 'cause some
• 1:26:53
  sparks, and he just snarls angrily at you.
• 1:26:57
  OK, new round of combat. With Uncle Ricky, Kevin.
• 1:27:01
  It is. Fuck, I fucking knew it.
• 1:27:03
  Felt it in my soul. Felt it in my pants.
• 1:27:08
  So did Uncle Ricky. Not to be undeterred, Krampus
• 1:27:12
  follows up his first attack with one of his abilities he's going
• 1:27:17
  to use. You're on the list.
• 1:27:20
  Krampus locks eyes with you and shouts your name.
• 1:27:24
  All of your checks now have to be 14.
• 1:27:26
  Succeed for D4 rounds of combat. You know he's going to target.
• 1:27:30
  Fisk that fucking spitting absolutely makes sense.
• 1:27:35
  Roll since his ability DR14. Let me try to resist 2.
• 1:27:41
  Yeah, no, Krampus looks at you and goes.
• 1:27:48
  So now all of your roles have to pass 14.
• 1:27:51
  All right, who wants to start up the next round to come back?
• 1:27:56
  I'll try. Again.
• 1:27:57
  Get in there, Pisky. It's a little harder for me now
• 1:28:00
  that you're staring right into my eyes.
• 1:28:02
  Don't look at me during. Don't look at me during.
• 1:28:06
  That's an 18. What?
• 1:28:10
  You getting them with. My crossbow.
• 1:28:13
  Oh shit boy, won't go shoot that guy.
• 1:28:15
  I'm an omen for Max damage. Oh hell.
• 1:28:18
  That's ocho damage. Ocho Damage.
• 1:28:22
  Oh man. Oh, that that hit fucking laid
• 1:28:26
  into him. Uncle Ricky's fucking hurt.
• 1:28:29
  Yeah, you are not. Like.
• 1:28:31
  That at all? Good.
• 1:28:33
  Don't talk down to me. Still your sister?
• 1:28:45
  Still highly inappropriate my friend.
• 1:28:47
  Who's next? I'm going to get off my butt and
• 1:28:50
  chomp on one of his ankees. Ankees get get him into Ankees.
• 1:28:55
  14. All right, and you're biting
• 1:28:58
  them. How much do you bite do?
• 1:29:00
  Well, because I'm not a vampire, I thought that might be AD 4
• 1:29:04
  again, so I did one. Cool.
• 1:29:09
  At this point you get up after being unceremoniously thrown
• 1:29:14
  like a toy by a Krampus and you'd whip around and you'd get
• 1:29:18
  them right in the left. Anke and parents are like
• 1:29:22
  getting hit with a crossbow bolt for Max damage.
• 1:29:25
  This little ankle bite is slightly annoying to him and he
• 1:29:29
  goes. What the fuck?
• 1:29:31
  That's right. Take it again bitch, You fucking
• 1:29:34
  angry? No, never mind.
• 1:29:39
  Who's the back teen on that? Man.
• 1:29:43
  All right, who's next? While he's distracted, I'm going
• 1:29:46
  to try to hit him with my claw hammer and.
• 1:29:49
  All right. And I won't.
• 1:29:53
  Oh, no. Yeah, I rolled A10.
• 1:29:56
  All right, with that, you swing wide and Krampus dodges Hooby
• 1:30:01
  next. Makes no, it's piss on them.
• 1:30:04
  Get him. I hit him with the dog
• 1:30:06
  artillery. What?
• 1:30:09
  The fuck? That would be a that's ADR 14
• 1:30:16
  presence to hit the target. All righty, 14 on the nose.
• 1:30:21
  Yeah. He's only AD 4 to determine the
• 1:30:24
  effect. 2. For the two, it's a fire dart
• 1:30:29
  exploding on impact and deals 1D6 damage.
• 1:30:32
  Oh. Shit.
• 1:30:33
  Bam. 2 Max damage. I omen it Max damage.
• 1:30:38
  Woo, OK. This this.
• 1:30:40
  Beautiful dog is good boy targets points like like the
• 1:30:45
  classical does like a good like dog pointer pose and like with
• 1:30:49
  that like his four paw guiding the arrow it launches bursting
• 1:30:54
  into a flame like a comet knocking Krampus straight in
• 1:30:58
  like the left deltoid and it explodes and it bursts of flame
• 1:31:04
  and fire huge just smell burning fur and a wailing Krampus hits
• 1:31:09
  the ground and he is on his last legs.
• 1:31:12
  He's not looking too great right now.
• 1:31:21
  All right, so Harold is going to walk by Fisk and put a hand on
• 1:31:26
  his shoulder and be like, I got this.
• 1:31:28
  And as he does this, he's actually going to use the power
• 1:31:31
  of mine now and try to steal one of his omens.
• 1:31:35
  I have none. You have none.
• 1:31:38
  I'm out. Well, I didn't know that until
• 1:31:41
  just now. I only have two.
• 1:31:43
  You steal -1 omen. You lose an omen.
• 1:31:48
  Well. I'm sure whatever you did would
• 1:31:49
  have been helpful. It's called self preservation my
• 1:31:56
  friend. And that's all I can I'm
• 1:31:57
  thinking about. Well, feeling that there was
• 1:32:00
  something off about him, he's just going to like push off and
• 1:32:02
  then go to stab at the decrepit Krampus then.
• 1:32:06
  Go get that mother lover. Isn't that go mother I?
• 1:32:12
  I don't understand. Well, that's.
• 1:32:16
  Probably his next family reunion is going to be so awkward.
• 1:32:20
  I'm going. To the family's gone.
• 1:32:22
  Going to burn an omen to lower that to a success and that's
• 1:32:27
  three points of damage. All right, Well, that three
• 1:32:30
  points of damage, Yeah. How do you kill Krampus?
• 1:32:34
  Fuck yeah. So as I I take my hand off of
• 1:32:38
  Fisk, knowing that he's he's got nothing for me, I'm just going
• 1:32:41
  to take the sword, which is a lot heavier than because I'm not
• 1:32:45
  a man for fisticuffs or melee. I'm more of a fusing my
• 1:32:49
  persuasion and my my charisma for it.
• 1:32:52
  But he's going to take it and he's going to hold it up and
• 1:32:54
  then he's in it, going to end up like tripping over his foot and
• 1:32:58
  then just like falling onto Krampus itself and stabbing him
• 1:33:01
  right into the chest. All right, this sword penetrates
• 1:33:06
  deep into the chest, goes in and out, and Krampus, you hear him
• 1:33:12
  spit up blood and gargle a little bit of blood, and he
• 1:33:15
  looks at you and goes. Almost.
• 1:33:23
  And falls over dead. IP on Krampus today.
• 1:33:28
  It was not his lucky day, I suppose.
• 1:33:30
  Ah, see. What you did there?
• 1:33:32
  Doctor creature, please roll me presents.
• 1:33:35
  That is 8. With that eight, you notice
• 1:33:38
  nothing. That does check.
• 1:33:42
  Out. The Krampus is defeated.
• 1:33:46
  You guys can now make your way to the soup chamber.
• 1:33:50
  You see that? The door to it is open ajar.
• 1:33:55
  It's a little weird. Why would something supposed to
• 1:33:58
  be heavily protected have an open door?
• 1:34:00
  Do you have any other weird family members that are into
• 1:34:04
  your mom or whatever is going on here that we need to worry about
• 1:34:07
  being in here? Are there any bone men with the
• 1:34:10
  same name as this fucking thing in here waiting for this?
• 1:34:15
  This man here is asking the important questions.
• 1:34:18
  I figured I was doing that the whole time.
• 1:34:21
  I don't know why I was slightly distracted with him saying he
• 1:34:23
  fucked his sister. That part I don't, I think.
• 1:34:29
  This might be the weirdest thing today.
• 1:34:31
  True. Also, this might be one of those
• 1:34:34
  scenarios where a guy says that he's your uncle but he's
• 1:34:37
  actually like your dad's friend or something.
• 1:34:39
  Who's your dad? Peter Peter Baskins.
• 1:34:45
  Maybe who's your mother? I never met him, Carol.
• 1:34:48
  He left when I was a kid. I don't remember.
• 1:34:52
  It I don't actually care about this as much.
• 1:34:54
  I thought that this was going to go somewhere, but it didn't.
• 1:34:58
  Scott Bakula You see V Gore and Sheep Coke Claude still in the
• 1:35:03
  stands, but now they have their shirts off V Gore has S written
• 1:35:07
  on his chest and Sheep coke Claude has B written on his
• 1:35:10
  chest. This is great, but I don't know
• 1:35:11
  who the fuck V Gore is. You're awesome.
• 1:35:14
  Barbara. Barbara, right.
• 1:35:16
  Sorry Barbara, I wrote the Igor on there.
• 1:35:19
  Fanboys great. Oh no.
• 1:35:24
  I'm going to blow them a kiss. They.
• 1:35:26
  Love it. They are wet.
• 1:35:29
  They have anticipation. They are.
• 1:35:31
  Moist. All right, I say that we maybe
• 1:35:35
  go and chow down on this legendary.
• 1:35:38
  Soup. Yeah, let's get that chowder.
• 1:35:41
  You make your way. You make your way down to the
• 1:35:44
  soup chamber. It's like a long spiral
• 1:35:47
  staircase that you make way to the base of this giant black
• 1:35:51
  pot. And when I say giant, I mean
• 1:35:54
  fuck off. Giant, almost as big as a house.
• 1:35:57
  And there are several nozzles and little spigots on the base
• 1:36:02
  of it that empty out the soup. And at one of them is your boy
• 1:36:06
  Viegelstaff. Oh.
• 1:36:08
  That's fucking funny, bastard. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:36:11
  I thought you didn't know what this was.
• 1:36:13
  Your salutations, boys, and. We made it.
• 1:36:17
  We found it. Yeah.
• 1:36:19
  You mean? I.
• 1:36:20
  Found it, thanks for clearing the way for me.
• 1:36:23
  Fuck goes. This guy sounds way more like
• 1:36:26
  your dad. We found it, Peter.
• 1:36:28
  The name's not Peter, my real name is Bell Snickel, and I'm
• 1:36:36
  going to be the new Saint Nick. And shoot him with a cross.
• 1:36:44
  As he reaches for a spigot to try to get a heaping mouthful of
• 1:36:49
  soup. Please roll me ATR. 14.
• 1:36:54
  Because technically you still are under the effects of your on
• 1:36:57
  the. List only four rounds.
• 1:36:58
  OK, OK, OK. Man.
• 1:37:03
  What do you roll? OK, if I spend my last omen, you
• 1:37:07
  fucking you make it. Oh good.
• 1:37:09
  Cool. I want this to get pinned to the
• 1:37:15
  fucking culprit. Five damn old.
• 1:37:19
  You fire this crossbow bolt, it gets bellsnickel right in the
• 1:37:26
  right shoulder blade and you said it deals 5 damage.
• 1:37:28
  Yeah, cool. He is looking hurt, like really
• 1:37:33
  fucking hurt on that. But he is still up and like he's
• 1:37:37
  struggling to get up. He's like, no, that soup is
• 1:37:40
  gonna be mine. I throw the dog.
• 1:37:42
  Well. Mixed newts.
• 1:37:44
  Yeah. All right.
• 1:37:45
  Please roll Dr. 14 to successfully.
• 1:37:49
  Attack the projectile that is a dog.
• 1:37:51
  Absolutely not. I didn't expect that to work,
• 1:37:54
  but. I will use an omen to make it
• 1:37:56
  succeed. You throw mixed newts perfectly
• 1:38:04
  like a football spiral. Just spiraling in the air and.
• 1:38:13
  It's just a spiral of teeth and piss.
• 1:38:16
  Early. For Bills.
• 1:38:20
  Mr. Mcsnoots, you hit Bellsnickel, then what do you do
• 1:38:23
  to him? I bite him for D6 damage.
• 1:38:27
  Please roll DR12 to try. 17 yes, 4 damage.
• 1:38:37
  Bellsnickel tries to get up to his feet to try to get to that
• 1:38:41
  spigot, try to get one last like drip of soup, and he just.
• 1:38:46
  Grabbed. The handle, only to turn around
• 1:38:49
  to have his neck fucking mauled by Mr. And like that, in an
• 1:38:56
  instant, Belsnickel, who tried as all of this might to be the
• 1:39:02
  new bloody Saint Nicholas, slumps to the floor, dead.
• 1:39:07
  I pee on him. And then the change rolls out.
• 1:39:15
  Yeah. 20 silver coins fall out of his ass, that's what.
• 1:39:21
  That, well, they're more. Bronze now.
• 1:39:23
  But here's the question now. Is this like a A1 man deal?
• 1:39:28
  But if we all just get a ladle full and we all drink it at the
• 1:39:31
  same. Time.
• 1:39:32
  I don't, I don't know. To only have a digestive system.
• 1:39:37
  We we can bathe you in it. I think you'll be fine.
• 1:39:40
  I would like to submit myself to the first testing.
• 1:39:43
  Well, I was thinking, I was thinking that if it was a one
• 1:39:47
  man deal, it only makes sense that it would be Fisk Baskins.
• 1:39:52
  It would only make sense that it would be Fisk Baskins.
• 1:39:54
  That's all I'm saying. Why?
• 1:39:55
  Because his uncle fucked his mother.
• 1:39:57
  Don't bring that up. I'm scarred.
• 1:40:00
  Today. Allegedly.
• 1:40:02
  While this whole conversation's going on, I'm going to pull one
• 1:40:06
  of the files out of my pouch because I'm going to take some
• 1:40:09
  of this Stew and put it in there.
• 1:40:10
  I don't know which one it is, so it could either be the one that
• 1:40:12
  gives me more health or the one that gives me the higher
• 1:40:15
  ability. So I figured I would just roll
• 1:40:17
  odds or evens. OK, if that's OK, well, that's
• 1:40:20
  odd. So that's the one that gives me
• 1:40:22
  more health. So I'm going to pop the cork on
• 1:40:24
  that one. That's the either.
• 1:40:26
  All of the 8. That's the one.
• 1:40:30
  Jump out the man chowder and fill it with some more man
• 1:40:33
  chowder. I'm going to drink.
• 1:40:34
  It because I'm down health on second thought.
• 1:40:38
  No, Tell me, tell me, tell. Me, I'm trying to trying to be
• 1:40:51
  as slick as I possibly can while these guys are having their
• 1:40:53
  conversation. I'm going to pull the the the
• 1:40:55
  gold gilded bottle out. I'm going to pop it top off, I'm
• 1:40:58
  going to drink it and I Polish it off super quick.
• 1:41:02
  And as I'm reaching into whatever basin this Stew is in I
• 1:41:05
  feel my stomach just starts fucking like gurgling over and
• 1:41:10
  everything just lets loose out of both ends and I drop to the
• 1:41:15
  ground and a pile of vomit and shit.
• 1:41:18
  Piano, what did you? Roll.
• 1:41:21
  A1I rolled A1A. One on A1.
• 1:41:24
  Well, it says one out of eight chances of dying.
• 1:41:27
  Yeah, for the 8 maids of Milky, but you rolled A1 on it.
• 1:41:30
  Yeah, okay. That does not happen when you
• 1:41:33
  roll A. When you roll A1, you
• 1:41:37
  permanently raise your HP by 1. Oh.
• 1:41:39
  So it's seven, it's 2 through 8 that kill you.
• 1:41:42
  Well, technically it's 50. 50. Oh, I thought it was one out of
• 1:41:46
  eight, so OK. Oh.
• 1:41:48
  OK, for full transparency, A1 raises your HP by one.
• 1:41:53
  A2 decreases your HP by one. A3 you gain 1 Omen.
• 1:41:57
  A4 you lose an Omen. A5 You gain a + 1 stat A6 you
• 1:42:03
  instantly lose 1 stat 7 you heal all HP.
• 1:42:07
  And eight you. All your HP and are broken.
• 1:42:09
  Oh my God man you threw up in shit for no reason.
• 1:42:16
  That's can. And you got pissed on.
• 1:42:19
  It feels. Better so I still vomit and shit
• 1:42:21
  myself. As I'm still.
• 1:42:23
  Filling this and then he gains. And.
• 1:42:27
  As I'm filling this, I'm like, well I should.
• 1:42:29
  I misunderstood what the hell is going on?
• 1:42:31
  I'm going to fill that little gilded gold bottle up with with
• 1:42:35
  this suit. Does he spill any of it?
• 1:42:37
  You know what? Please roll me Dr. It's hot
• 1:42:40
  suit. So I would say so maybe like
• 1:42:43
  toughness. Okay, that is a 19.
• 1:42:47
  All right, you open a spigot. You see this thick Stew, loose
• 1:42:54
  chunks of meat, maybe some bits of bones and teeth.
• 1:42:58
  Just this junk that smells delicious, by the way, fills the
• 1:43:03
  gilded bottle up about halfway, and from what you can tell of
• 1:43:07
  the soup, that was all that was left.
• 1:43:10
  I will tuck that into my satchel and I will go back to the.
• 1:43:13
  I would like to do a presence check to see if I notice this.
• 1:43:16
  I look up at Herald and say woof, give him scratches.
• 1:43:20
  I would like to see if I seen that.
• 1:43:22
  I think this Baskin should probably drink, eat drink
• 1:43:26
  whatever this soup is. Well, first, maybe here gear me
• 1:43:29
  out. What if we shared?
• 1:43:31
  What if we all check, see how much soup is in there and we
• 1:43:34
  just share? I don't want to take any chances
• 1:43:36
  with shit like this. I haven't done fuck all for
• 1:43:38
  that. And guess what?
• 1:43:39
  I'm a perfectly healthy Oh Jesus, I think I might actually
• 1:43:42
  shit a diamond. I'll be back.
• 1:43:45
  We'll be here. Come on off.
• 1:43:47
  Nate roll me DR12 toughness please.
• 1:43:52
  Yeah, follow him. That's a 14 all right.
• 1:43:56
  About 14. You feel it coming.
• 1:43:58
  All this bad boys are coming. The day you've long-awaited is
• 1:44:03
  finally here. I'm just standing there staring
• 1:44:05
  at him. Don't look at me, Don't look at
• 1:44:08
  me, Mr. Smoothie. I do you force it out with all
• 1:44:13
  your might and you. Shit.
• 1:44:15
  Out a piece of gold bigger than your fucking fist.
• 1:44:21
  Damn. Woof and I lift up a paw for
• 1:44:26
  daps. Well, that's happening.
• 1:44:29
  I want to try to get some soup. All right, you go over to one of
• 1:44:36
  the spigots and you twist it. Actually, how are you catching
• 1:44:40
  it in? My mouth.
• 1:44:41
  Cool. That does sound right.
• 1:44:43
  You see several drips come out of the spigot and you get 3 to 5
• 1:44:50
  drops worth of soup. Well, this is bullshit.
• 1:44:53
  It's empty. Are you telling me to watch?
• 1:44:55
  That for nothing. Oh, I guess so.
• 1:44:58
  I walk back with blood coming down the back of my pants.
• 1:45:01
  Well, I have my Christmas miracle.
• 1:45:04
  I can. Smell it.
• 1:45:05
  Yuck. I go back to Harold and look up
• 1:45:07
  and say, Wolf, they're a good boy, Mr. Well, boys, I believe
• 1:45:13
  our business here is done and I'm just going to walk off.
• 1:45:18
  Presence to detect something. Yes, I do.
• 1:45:22
  All right, you know I'm going for it.
• 1:45:25
  Who that is a dirty trucks off 20.
• 1:45:29
  OK, with that, you see, Like you notice Harold's trying to get
• 1:45:34
  away too fucking quickly. You don't fucking like it.
• 1:45:37
  Hey, what's your deal bud? Where are.
• 1:45:39
  You going There's there's nothing here to be seen.
• 1:45:41
  I mean, obviously that soup is gone, so what's the point of
• 1:45:44
  hanging out? I mean, thanks for why is.
• 1:45:47
  Everything in your hand suspiciously.
• 1:45:50
  Well, I, I, I was, I was feeling a little sick to myself.
• 1:45:53
  I mean, you saw me shit and vomit over there just a minute
• 1:45:56
  ago. I was going to, I was going to
• 1:45:58
  get kind of get a pull off this, this mythical Pepto Bismol.
• 1:46:02
  Can I see? No, no, no.
• 1:46:05
  I don't think your constitution will be able to handle this.
• 1:46:07
  Let me see it now. I don't think that's going to
• 1:46:09
  happen. I will.
• 1:46:11
  I will not let that happen. I'm right there with them.
• 1:46:14
  I'm. Going to look over at theres.
• 1:46:16
  Are these two about to fuck? He's about to get something.
• 1:46:20
  There isn't going to fight or fuck, but either way I don't
• 1:46:23
  want to stick around for this and I start.
• 1:46:24
  Walking out, I'm already I already have God-given powers
• 1:46:28
  and all that. So you all fight it out.
• 1:46:31
  I'm I'm going to go home. It's been, it's been real, yes.
• 1:46:35
  It's yeah, it's been. Something.
• 1:46:38
  It has been something, hasn't it?
• 1:46:40
  It. Has.
• 1:46:41
  Been something I'm going to try to walk my way around like
• 1:46:44
  following both Scott Bakula and there Sir I'm.
• 1:46:46
  Going to try to snatch it out of his hand.
• 1:46:48
  I think that would be like contested strength, wouldn't it?
• 1:46:50
  I. Think so.
• 1:46:51
  I don't know how this however you want to do it.
• 1:46:54
  Yeah, roll strength. 18. 1818. You got 18 too.
• 1:47:02
  Yes, they are going to break the fucking.
• 1:47:03
  Bottle All right, you both try to wrestle this golden gilded
• 1:47:08
  bottle. Let.
• 1:47:10
  Me. See.
• 1:47:10
  Come on now. You lay your hands off my
• 1:47:12
  personal affairs. How dare you, Sir, You are not a
• 1:47:15
  gentleman by any means of the words.
• 1:47:18
  You stop touching my personal property.
• 1:47:21
  Who the hell? Do you think you are?
• 1:47:23
  You both pull the bottle with such strength the golden cage
• 1:47:27
  that surrounds the glass bottle breaks and you see the glass
• 1:47:32
  bottle fall to the ground. I would like you dirty.
• 1:47:36
  Son, and so why would you do that?
• 1:47:38
  Well, that is my personal effects.
• 1:47:40
  I would like to kick him in the Nets.
• 1:47:42
  I. Would like to try to dodge that
• 1:47:44
  and catch that bottle in my mouth.
• 1:47:48
  Wow, wow. This baskets will lick that shit
• 1:47:55
  up with the glass and all. I'll eat that.
• 1:47:57
  Wait. Did the did the bottle break or
• 1:47:59
  I? Think I'm just going to.
• 1:48:00
  Serve a cage. You're seeing it fall in like
• 1:48:04
  slow motion like. No soul.
• 1:48:10
  Then I'm going to race. I'm going to race Fisk for it.
• 1:48:12
  Yeah, I figured. It's a dog.
• 1:48:15
  I'm. Taking.
• 1:48:15
  Them in the nuts so. Yeah, if it falls.
• 1:48:18
  Below meat level that is my property.
• 1:48:21
  Roll roll agility to try to catch the bottle out of the air,
• 1:48:26
  anyone? You go first.
• 1:48:31
  I got an 18, I got a nine. I got a 13.
• 1:48:35
  Oh shit. All right, Harold, like the
• 1:48:39
  skillful man that he is, grasps the bottle before it hits the
• 1:48:44
  ground and takes it and reclaims his soup.
• 1:48:47
  I want to plunge my sword into him.
• 1:48:51
  The rest of us are. The rest of us are gone.
• 1:48:54
  I'm. Walking, Everyone else laughs.
• 1:48:58
  I. Don't trust this guy.
• 1:48:59
  He's being skeevy, OK? You guys are going to murder
• 1:49:03
  each other here after it's all said and done.
• 1:49:05
  That's how they become statues. That there's food.
• 1:49:10
  I I was merely trying to reclaim my possessions.
• 1:49:13
  I don't know what you are trying to do here.
• 1:49:16
  No, I'm trying to take whatever you got.
• 1:49:19
  Why does Fisk every time have to fucking try to kill my
• 1:49:21
  characters? Levi.
• 1:49:24
  It's not because I have a complex back story, OK?
• 1:49:27
  Oh, you're. Son of a bitch.
• 1:49:30
  All right, well, obviously I'm preoccupied with catching the
• 1:49:34
  vial, so I guess make your attack if Mr. Gambino sees fit.
• 1:49:39
  What'd you get? 6.
• 1:49:44
  All right. With that six, you begin to
• 1:49:48
  raise your sword and try to decapitate poor Triple H here,
• 1:49:54
  but something comes over you. Oh no, a weird sensation that
• 1:49:58
  you haven't felt in a long time. It's love.
• 1:50:01
  Is his toes out? It's coming.
• 1:50:05
  Is. This sensation that unfurls your
• 1:50:08
  toes and relaxes you a bit? Oh no.
• 1:50:11
  Or this is the time of Yule, the time of togetherness and
• 1:50:15
  compassion. And you shared one hell of an
• 1:50:18
  adventure with your friend Harold, your canine companion
• 1:50:22
  Mix Snoots, your mechanical friend.
• 1:50:25
  Theres your new friend, Doctor Creature and the slightly
• 1:50:30
  androgynous Scott. Bakula.
• 1:50:34
  You remember fondly of the memories that you had together,
• 1:50:38
  the wonderful times that you had envisaging spiders invading your
• 1:50:43
  flesh, killing several gnomes. God damn it, you had fun and you
• 1:50:48
  had fun together and that is the whole reason for the season.
• 1:50:51
  And I think with that, you put down your sword or at least
• 1:50:55
  sheath it, and you realize it's not worth it.
• 1:51:00
  It's not. No, I'm not going to kill him.
• 1:51:05
  Well, I changed my mind. You, you go ahead.
• 1:51:10
  You drink it. Oh, I'm going to, I'm going to
• 1:51:13
  hang on to this for a minute and I'll give him a little, little
• 1:51:16
  tap on the cheek. Which one?
• 1:51:21
  Which Whichever one's present, I suppose.
• 1:51:25
  Should we head back to town? I'll buy you a first round.
• 1:51:27
  How about that? OK.
• 1:51:28
  Yeah, that's fine. All right.
• 1:51:30
  Well, with that I believe it is a mixed Newts, Fisk and Triple H
• 1:51:36
  downstairs. Yes, Sir.
• 1:51:37
  Cool. You all go up and you make your
• 1:51:39
  way back into town and you make it to the bar and.
• 1:51:43
  A little. Behold, you see your buddies
• 1:51:45
  there waiting for you with a hot mug of cider for each of you and
• 1:51:49
  mix newts. Yeah, fucking God damn it.
• 1:52:00
  I was going to say mix newts. Case a bull.
• 1:52:02
  Scott Bacula, UC Barbara and Sheep Code clawed waiting for
• 1:52:08
  you at the opposite end of the bar in leather vests and assless
• 1:52:10
  chaps. Oh, my entourage.
• 1:52:17
  And with that I say, God bless us everyone, and to 1:00 and all
• 1:52:23
  a good come. That definitely looks.
• 1:52:44
  Tom, where can we find your stuff?
• 1:52:46
  Oh well, you can find me on Instagram at Tom Gambino Art.
• 1:52:51
  I'm a cartoonist, I'm an illustrator.
• 1:52:53
  I'm looking to make more Merkboard content, just like you
• 1:52:57
  all heard this evening. This campaign, Good Soup will be
• 1:53:00
  available for use. I'm going to try to get it up
• 1:53:03
  next month, my birthday month, so be on the lookout for that.
• 1:53:08
  And basically, if you ever want to play games, I'm always down
• 1:53:12
  to play a game. Hell yeah.
• 1:54:25
  Hey everybody, Kevin at the end of the episode.
• 1:54:27
  This episode features the adventure good suit by Tom
• 1:54:29
  gambino with Levi playing Fisk baskins the cannibal cook by Ian
• 1:54:33
  greytide long Jake playing Scott bakula the nosfer not to by
• 1:54:36
  Jacob von Thomas playing theres the clockwork collector by
• 1:54:39
  monkey Moto Kevin playing Harold haydat hurts the detested lik
• 1:54:43
  leach by Nate cyber Nate playing doctor creature, the plate pit
• 1:54:46
  practitioner by Nate cyber Walt playing Mr. mix news the
• 1:54:49
  schleswig lap wolf by Richard Kelly and featuring special
• 1:54:52
  guest GM Tom gambino. Check out all these cool things
• 1:54:54
  and the respect effective ex liveris more for entries in the
• 1:54:57
  description accompanying this episode.
• 1:54:58
  And while you're at it, check us out on our social medias, our
• 1:55:01
  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blue Sky and Thread, and
• 1:55:05
  wherever you. Listen to podcasts.
• 1:55:07
  Make sure to rate, review, and share with all of your friends
• 1:55:11
  so we can get out there to more people.
• 1:55:13
  While we're at it, if you haven't already, please check
• 1:55:15
  out our sister podcast, The World Standard.
• 1:55:18
  With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
• 1:55:20
  time. Ladies and gentlemen, before we
• 1:55:27
  get to the bloops, a quick message from Tom Gambino.
• 1:55:32
  Hey everybody, Tom Gambino here. Thank you all for joining us on
• 1:55:36
  this holiday adventure. You know, it's awesome listeners
• 1:55:38
  like you that make this show so enjoyable to make and to listen
• 1:55:41
  to. Because at the very heart of the
• 1:55:43
  tabletop role-playing community, it's just a group of people who
• 1:55:47
  just want to gather around a table and share stories with
• 1:55:50
  friends. Which is why I want to talk
• 1:55:52
  about my local role-playing game shop, Dungeon Books in Jersey
• 1:55:55
  City. This awesome little store has
• 1:55:58
  just made a wonderful community for anybody who is new to the
• 1:56:03
  hobby of role-playing games or has been a lifelong player.
• 1:56:07
  The owners make this little store so amazing with weekly
• 1:56:12
  events, miniature paintings, and an abundant stock of
• 1:56:17
  role-playing games and books in general.
• 1:56:19
  They have it all. They have your Dungeons and
• 1:56:22
  Dragons stuff, they have your indie stuff like Mothership,
• 1:56:27
  Dragon Bane, and yes, even Merkborg.
• 1:56:31
  I run games here every so often and it's always a blast.
• 1:56:36
  The people that come are just so awesome.
• 1:56:39
  They bring their enthusiasm and they just bring their overall
• 1:56:44
  just wonderful energy into this humble little storm.
• 1:56:48
  So if you ever find yourself on the East Coast, make sure you
• 1:56:51
  pop in the dungeon books at 115 Brunswick street and tell them
• 1:56:54
  Tom Gambino sent you. Also, they have an online store
• 1:56:57
  where they can send you all the books you want L and be sure to
• 1:57:02
  follow them on Instagram. They have all their stuff in
• 1:57:06
  stock. They have a monthly book club.
• 1:57:09
  It's the best place on earth for me at least, and I hope it will
• 1:57:13
  be yours in the future. All right, enough of that.
• 1:57:17
  Back to flailing. The cream looks a little more
• 1:57:26
  viscous than it should be. God fucking damn it.
• 1:57:34
  It's funny because it's semen. Do you want something hard
• 1:57:44
  underneath that thing? Do I?
• 1:57:47
  Yeah. Oh boy.
• 1:57:49
  God damn. It.
• 1:57:53
  Guys, come on. Right.
• 1:57:55
  Since when? Good.
• 1:57:59
  Hey, stop that hand motion right now.
• 1:58:05
  All right. I'm trying to finish.
• 1:58:07
  All right, now come on, demand now.
• 1:58:19
  We've, we've already broken the DM, so we should, we should, we
• 1:58:23
  should give the boy a chance to, to speak his mind and let's know
• 1:58:26
  what's going on. Screaming that's.
• 1:58:29
  When it sees the screaming. To be oh.
• 1:58:31
  My God. Everything's gone.
• 1:58:37
  Everything's infected. I want to go home.
• 1:58:44
  They were in their devil fist, and I'll tell you what.
• 1:58:48
  I'm I'm dead inside. That's. 16 decks.
• 1:58:52
  That's 16 decks. OK, OK.
• 1:59:05
  All 16 were buddies. Stop it.
• 1:59:10
  They were. Pro hubs if they.
• 1:59:11
  Were pro hubs. Let's see here.
• 1:59:18
  What is fun? It's a good question.
• 1:59:21
  Five Cochrane he's. Already.
• 1:59:27
  Got 1. Yeah.
• 1:59:29
  Oh no. One Cochrane.
• 1:59:31
  To. Rule them all.
• 1:59:35
  He wields his survey honey. Hi.
• 1:59:42
  Hi. Hi, Madam Gambino.
• 1:59:43
  Hello. That's good, Madam.
• 1:59:47
  We still don't have. Hot fucking oh fuck, really?
• 1:59:50
  Yeah, God damn it. I just talked to the door guy
• 1:59:52
  and he said that it's still he doesn't know what's going.
• 1:59:56
  On OK. Anyway, sorry I'm interrupting
• 1:59:58
  that, no. I feel like I should leave the
• 1:59:59
  room. Let us leave.
• 2:00:02
  Just. Not going in the episode.
• 2:00:03
  Guys, I'm being recorded for the episode.
• 2:00:05
  Hello. Hello.
• 2:00:08
  Hello. This is my wife.
• 2:00:11
  This is Levi, Jacob, Nate, Kevin.
• 2:00:15
  What's up? Thomas?
• 2:00:16
  And another. Tom.
• 2:00:18
  Mr. Mcsnutes, what's? Up, Mr. Mcsnutes.
• 2:00:22
  Too good of a. Game I just.
• 2:00:23
  Interrupted the game, so I'm gonna.
• 2:00:25
  Leave Walt. His name is.
• 2:00:27
  Walt, I usually go by Mr. Mcsnutes.
• 2:00:29
  Yes, not you will now all. Right.
• 2:00:34
  Enjoy. Come on, do we have?
• 2:00:36
  Expressed written consent from your wife to put this in the.
• 2:00:46
  No. You don't, You don't want to be
• 2:00:47
  in this episode. Want to be in this episode?
• 2:01:03
  Oh my God I couldn't resist. That was funny.
• 2:01:16
  That Levi guy is weird. She hears the rest of us.
• 2:01:23
  Oh my God, she's going to come to me and be like, those guys
• 2:01:25
  seem nice, run again. You're not allowed to play with
• 2:01:32
  them anymore. Talk.
• 2:01:36
  About that's all they talk about.
• 2:01:38
  Oh shit. OK.
• 2:01:43
  This is a sticky episode. Yeah.
• 2:01:47
  You did this. You did this.
• 2:01:49
  Me you put. It in, you put it in the rolls
• 2:01:52
  and I rolled it. I drink cum.
• 2:01:54
  I didn't put cum in the rolls. I believe the that liquid core
• 2:02:01
  dice is filled with cum Sir. Sorry, don't speak Italian.
• 2:02:09
  That's Sanguini. Sanguine.
• 2:02:12
  Sanguine. Sanguini, the Italian Dracula.
• 2:02:15
  Sanguine and some marinara sauce.
• 2:02:17
  Delicious. Well, I'm fucking hungry.
• 2:02:41
  I say you that was That was quite the jolly adventure,
• 2:02:43
  wasn't it? Quite a bit of jolly
• 2:02:45
  cooperation, one might say. Humans are fucking weird.
• 2:02:51
  Indeed you indeed don't sniff fueled you.
• 2:02:57
  Son of a bitch.