Latest / Petty and Unbothered / #11 - "ABCDEFG Goodbye" and a few other (not so) nice clapbacks
Transcript
- Robin Axline: Okay, so today we're talking about small clap backs. ⁓ And I basically don't have the energy to argue always. But sometimes I have the energy to be just a little petty. And so this is how I came to this idea for today. ⁓ Tita Lors: you Robin Axline: I feel like that's kind of where I'm at lately. And I notice everything, but I just don't always react out loud. Tita Lors: Same. Same. I'm like, Cool choice. Not mine, but yours. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. But yeah, I mean, guess it also doesn't mean that nothing's happening in my head or whatever it is, but... ⁓ Okay, so wait. Yeah, before we get into it, I was just thinking what being unbothered means, which is in our title and... No, take your time. I'll just, riff here. No. I guess I was thinking about being unbothered and is it actually real or is it just something that people say? like I'm unbothered um x y and z and I guess for me I think it's real you know maybe some people you know when people are like oh I didn't care anyways or I don't care but it really bothers them it's like the you care enough to say that Tita Lors: You go. Yeah. Cause they're bringing it up like 500,000 times afterwards. Robin Axline: Exactly. ⁓ So I think maybe my take is that some people are like, ⁓ yeah, I'm not I'm not bothered by that. It also could... Yeah. No, no, no, I was just gonna say it also could be something that people just say, but I also think it's real. Tita Lors: I think there's a, sorry, go ahead. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say too. I think some people actually mean it. You know, not my circus, not my problem. I don't care. That's how you choose to live your life, whatever. And then there's the people who maybe... I knew that one. Some people take things a bit too... I don't know if it's seriously or personally. Right? Like, why? Well, why do they say that? Why do they, why would they blah, blah, blah, blah, or whatever? And everything is just super personal. Yeah. Robin Axline: And then my kind of follow-up was like, what actually bothers you more than you'd like to admit? And I can start, think sometimes when people don't have like a spatial awareness kind of irks me sometimes. Like when people like take up the whole sidewalk and you are trying to get somewhere and they're just totally spread out, especially this isn't any shade, like when say somebody's pushing a stroller, but then there's like other people on the other sides of it too and they're all just taking up the whole sidewalk and not in a snappy fashion. Tita Lors: Not in snappy fashion. Robin Axline: Like, so for me, I'm like, I don't want them to think I'm mad or annoyed, but sometimes I do like walk into the street just so I can get around it because I'm just like, I have places to be people. ⁓ And I think another one that this is really crazy, but when. People are at the gym and they're clearly working up a sweat, like especially in the cardio room. And there's signs all over the place that say, please wipe down your equipment. And they just don't, and they get up and leave. And I'm just like, why? And I don't think I've ever admitted that out loud, but it bothers me more than I'd like to admit. Tita Lors: I don't know. think, I do think like the whole sidewalk situation, I'm like, move. But it's the whole, you're being, I don't care that you're taking up the space, whatever, it's kind of, that's annoying and frustrating. But not only are you taking up the space, but you're walking so slow. Yeah, get out of the way. Move like, it's like, you know, when you're on the freeway, the number one lane is not for you. Robin Axline: ⁓ yeah, that too. Tita Lors: Right? If you're not willing to break the law in a big way, especially if you're in California, the number one lane is not for you. You need to be all the way over to the right and you can go the speed limit there. But do not go the speed limit in the number one lane. ⁓ Pick a side, pick a lane and make space if especially if you're going to be slow. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, it should be that easy. Tita Lors: Please. exactly. So that's the part. And I feel bad too, cause I'm like, okay, I get it. You probably maybe have like a, there's a reason that you're walking slow. Whenever I have my days, but when I have my days, I go over to the side and I don't take up all the space. Robin Axline: Yeah, kudos to you. I don't know if people still say kudos, but okay. Maybe we'll bring it back. Tita Lors: Yeah, see? Do they? Props now? Or no, is it? No, props is back in the day, was it? Or clock it or whatever? Is what that is now? Yeah. Totally just... Exactly. was looking at the analytics. For like, the gender and the age. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, something like that. But we can we can say whatever we want. It's our podcast. Tita Lors: people who are watching are listening and it's like 35 and above that's our that's who we're aiming for apparently Robin Axline: ⁓ really? ⁓ shit. ⁓ Hey. That's wild. ⁓ Tita Lors: I know, I'm like, yeah, it makes sense. We're both in that age range also, so why would we be aiming for anybody younger? Exactly. but yeah. What are other things that annoy me? Honestly, I just think anything inconsiderate. ⁓ OK. This is mostly relates to like to Ryan because he lives in the house with me. And so I experience it the most with him. So it's anything that like activates. Gosh. ⁓ trauma from my childhood. like slamming doors, walking really heavy, ⁓ heavy breathe, like a heavy sigh, things like that. And also chewing. I can't stand like, why are you chewing with your mouth open? How are you chewing that loudly? Like what you're eating shouldn't have any crunch factor and you're still managing to make a noise. What's happening? ⁓ so that's more like processing, audio processing issues. And then all the other stuff is like, if I slammed the door, I would get in trouble or if anybody slammed the door, it meant that they were mad. that's like danger, danger. not allowed to stomp your feet because if you did you're gonna get in trouble, danger, danger. So anything that sets off those like danger things for me is really I want to be unbothered and I want to be okay with it and I want to just wuss on my way through that but it's so bothersome and I did say to him recently because he just like he's so heavy-footed and just stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp up the stairs and right? Robin Axline: I can kind of picture that. Tita Lors: I just looked at him one time and I'm like, it's obviously not your fault and it's not your job to fix that for me. But wow, is that so activating? Like you're this heavy footedness and he was in band. So it's just like part of and then military life. It's just, you know, how you do it. just like, it's me. was. So. Yeah, it was. Yeah, yeah, he was like, yeah, I'm- he apologized and I was like, there's obviously nothing to apologize for, like it's not- he luckily had a great childhood and he didn't have to worry about what would happen to him if he stomped up the stairs. But, you know, so then- right? What's it like to be blessed? ⁓ Robin Axline: nice. Yeah, seriously. Yeah, yeah. But any yeah. Yeah, no, no. That's funny. I like that. So yeah, here's the thing is I'm pretty sure that I used to think being mature or kind of un- un- petty just meant like not reacting. Tita Lors: Must be so nice. I know. I have to keep that in my mind all the time. Okay, sorry. Continue. Robin Axline: But I think an example is just being all like, kumbaya everybody and love and light, everything's fine. Yeah, that's the mature road. ⁓ I think that's hard when even though you're doing that, something is not fine. Tita Lors: ⁓ yeah. Toxic positivity. Let it go. Robin Axline: I guess. And so I've realized over time that sometimes it's not about having no reaction, it's about having a better or smaller reaction, just not a full argument or not an emotional spiral over something. And rather just having something that quietly says like, yeah, I saw that. Which can translate to a bit petty. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I used to think that too, but I feel that that comes from a very, for me, it came from a very like people pleasing place where you have to, you're supposed to be a good girl. You have to be the golden child. You're right. This is the Catholic way to be. And as like I think somebody as a kid who really struggled with ADHD, that was rough because I wasn't, I couldn't sit down still. I couldn't do all those things, but I had to learn, right? And then that growing up, trying to learn that when you say things back, it's not being disrespectful. It's setting a boundary and that you're allowed to do that. And. Yeah, right? Like, because again, being a Filipina, you're not allowed to talk back to your parents or any of the adults or authority figures. Bad, bad, tsk, tsk. Everyone's just supposed to have the authority and your respect as it is, and they don't have to earn it. ⁓ so like it took time to be okay with the clap backs and like, even though I did it when I was a kid, when I was younger, like I did it, right? I know I did that multiple times, but it did it. Robin Axline: Yeah, I remember that one story. Tita Lors: And I was fully prepared to receive the consequences and I knew that there would be consequences. and I was just like, this is worth it. I don't care. I like got to a point of like angry enough of like, don't give a fuck. hope I hurt your feelings. ⁓ kind of situation, but it, that was like, had to be really, really big to get to that point. So yeah, that yeah. Anyways, side tension. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, so I was just gonna ⁓ move into a segment that I wanted to share. It's like small clap backs, my favorites of those. ⁓ So one, number one, I've kind of numbered these out. ⁓ The lowercase K with no emotion. Like. Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: It reads, like, I didn't love it and I'm done. Tita Lors: Hahaha It's so funny. For me, it's more like, like, ⁓ I guess it's similar. It's like, well, that's a choice. I disagree, but like, you just do, er, and like, In Tagalog it's like, Bahalaka, where it's like, go ahead, do it, kind of thing, like, do whatever you want. ⁓ but it's, it's code for don't. Do not do whatever you want. Bad things will happen if you do whatever you want. So the lowercase, lowercase K is very much like a K. Do it. See what happens. Robin Axline: Yeah, so yeah, it's interesting when there's like a word for whatever it is. I always like to learn those in different cultures. ⁓ But I was just going to share that I've kind of done something similar, where someone took forever to respond to me, like nearly, I'd say weeks. ⁓ And I could literally see them active. So Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: It's like you see them on social media or like a group text and then it's like why didn't they respond to my question or whatever and then this is the funny part is the reply weeks later is sorry just seeing this. And I'm like so I just take my time and I respond like a full two days later and Tita Lors: ⁓ yeah. You Robin Axline: I basically just said K and then didn't then they replied again and I was like, man, I really don't want to even talk to this person anymore. Like I should just leave it on read. But I, I, the struggle was real and I almost did that, but I didn't. Cool story, right? No. Tita Lors: you It was almost a cool story, I'm just kidding. Robin Axline: It was almost a cool story when I was like, I just gave into my like guilty what the proper thing to do is. But at least I did do the K, which was like kind of out of the box for me. So I do like the K. ⁓ And just to bring it around to pop culture, I don't watch much of the Kardashians or at all, but I do kind of know their personalities. And I would say Courtney. Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: Well, now I guess Courtney Barker, I don't know if she changed her last name, but, ⁓ cause she married the Blimpin 82 drummer. And she seems very at peace now, which is again, I don't know that much, but yeah. ⁓ but her vibe to me is like that K situation where she's just like, has these zero emotion, just kind of iconic responses. Like it's calm, but you know, like something is shifting inside. Tita Lors: I know, I feel like I rarely hear anything about her. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Robin Axline: ⁓ like she's just kind of like, I don't, I'm not going to do an impression, but, no, no, no, no, ⁓ but basically her clap back style is often regarded as like an unbothered brand. Truly. ⁓ Tita Lors: do it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, because out of all of the siblings, I think she's the one where because she's been going to therapy for a while and it's a lot of just like, well, that seems like a you problem kind of a thing. And all of this stuff like that they try to put on her. She's always the one who's just like, that's no, you are not allowed to do that. You can't do that to me kind of thing. And she's like, even in the way that she handled motherhood and being in the show of like, no, this might be what you want for me, but this is what I want. And this is what works for me and my family. And if that doesn't work for you, then, okay, whatever. Like, I don't really care. Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah, that's a, mean, especially in that situation with like a momager and all that, you kind of, I mean, to protect yourself, that's probably not a horrible way to be as long as you're fine with it. But so I just wanted to play you a clip that I thought was just hilarious. I don't know if you've ever heard of the ABCDEFG moment. Okay, I'm gonna load it up. It's from the show. Let me see. Yeah, I've only seen snippets personally, so like I said, I'm aware of certain big things that come up and their personalities and that's about it. Okay, here we go. Tita Lors: Gee, goodbye. She thought that on the fly, like right in that moment. Robin Axline: YG goodbye. I know that can't be a phrase that she likes to use. It just really got me. ABCDEFG, goodbye. Tita Lors: That's so funny! Goodbye! It's just a phrase that I like to use to you know that this conversation's over. It's like trying to go back to... ⁓ I say this actually to my kids now. This is an A B conversation, so see your way out of it. Right? I hope they use that. Robin Axline: ⁓ man, that was so funny. ⁓ that's a classic. That's a classic for sure. It is in that like realm, that unbothered kind of vibes. ⁓ Man, let's bring that one back to A-B Conversations, See Your Way Out. I haven't heard that in ages. Tita Lors: Exactly. Yes. Yeah, right? You're way out of it. I know I'm trying to I don't I want to teach her Alice for losers. I don't want her to get in trouble. Yeah, I do. want to do that too. Get out of my face. ⁓ talk to the man. Robin Axline: ⁓ yeah, well you might as well do whatever also. while you're at it. She'll be the coolest kid in school. ⁓ yeah, talk to the hand because her face don't understand. Tita Lors: you Yep. I'm trying to teach her. I know. I'm trying to teach her these things. So she goes, lot. Because I go, ⁓ my God. She goes, exactly. Yes. And she's like, ⁓ my God. And I'm all, Becky, look at her butt. Robin Axline: Iconic. As if. Her butt. Tita Lors: Yeah, I think whatever is going to be my next one that I teach her. Yeah, just want her teachers to hear her and be like, yeah, your mom is totally a millennial. Robin Axline: Absolutely. Tita Lors: Yep. Robin Axline: ⁓ that's good. ⁓ Okay, so my number two, which kind of piggybacks off the last one is number two, the delayed response. Like you saw it immediately, but you responded later and not in a toxic way, but back to the I have a life way, which is kind of the Courtney response. And then meanwhile, on the other end, more often than not they're probably overthinking everything like why is this person taking their time on purpose or or not they don't know but then they're like ⁓ no like do i ⁓ roll back what i said or should i just wait it out and like sweat or so that's my clap back number two and clap back number three Tita Lors: See ya. Yeah. Robin Axline: This one is subtle that it almost feels kind of evil. ⁓ Because... The word ⁓ is interesting. And then that's all you say. So like, now they're like, wait, what does that mean? And then you're just done talking. Tita Lors: huh. Yeah? It's like, noted. Robin Axline: So then they're like, well, did they like that? Did they think that was stupid or what's going on in their head? But you just don't give them that extra thing. That's your little clap back to maybe something you're mildly annoyed with somebody saying. Interesting. Tita Lors: Yeah. It's... yeah. No, it's so funny because like... it could... it could impact somebody, because then if somebody, if they're the type of person who's gonna like take things personally, then they could be like, ⁓ no, she's mad. I did something and kind of spiral, but then if they're not, then they're just like, all right, cool, whatever. And then they just move on with their day. But it feels good for you regardless. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because you know you're like doing something different, perhaps. ⁓ And then the next one, this kind of rolls into it a little bit. But it's number four, overly polite tone. So like when someone's being weird and you go, thanks so much for sharing that. Like it's giving customer service or but it's like also kind of giving like distance in a way that you're kind of like unphased. Tita Lors: Yeah, exactly. Hahaha ⁓ huh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh, no, that unlocked a memory for me. I was like, I called customer service and the person was very obviously having a not so great day and I was like, kill him with kindness. And I was so sweet, like annoyingly kind to this person. Um, they would like, they talked to me and they had attitude and I was like, oh man, it sounds like you're having such a bad day. Blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, try to be nice. And then she's like, right. I get it. Kill him with kindness. Robin Axline: ⁓ Tita Lors: I hope you have the best day. Robin Axline: ⁓ man, that is funny. Tita Lors: So sorry for whatever's happening in your day. Robin Axline: I get it. Kill them with kindness. Tita Lors: you Robin Axline: Oh, that's good. Uh, good one. I guess I would just stuff to, to an anecdote of mine is it does, it reminds me of when I worked in customer service. Um, I've had many, many upon many hats. Um, but I'd say one time. Tita Lors: ⁓ sorry, you said hats, not, I thought you were gonna say situations. Robin Axline: ⁓ well, many situations too, but I mean, hatches in many jobs that included working with the public. Tita Lors: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, because I said, I bet and I was like, ⁓ that's rude. That's not. I bet you've had so many jobs. That's not what I meant. ⁓ my God. Robin Axline: I bet you've done. That's like, thought you were saying that, but then I was like, that's fine. Tita Lors: No! you were gonna say I bet I thought you were gonna say I've had so many like experiences so I was gonna be like oh my god I bet you have had so many experiences working in customer service that I bet you've had so many jobs that's so rude I'm so sorry Robin Axline: It's all good. ⁓ But, yes, in said jobs, I've had a lot of like, ⁓ I'd say impatient folks that need like my attention now. Like nobody else is as important as they are and they want everything this instant. And so one of my, I'm going to share a secret customers if you've had a customer of mine. Tita Lors: Hahaha Robin Axline: is when it gets really hairy and like busy and they're doing that to me they'll say well I need this and I need this and I smile and I go absolutely and like it has shown to me like a disarming way like thing that they kind of it almost like they have a confused face or they just kind of drop whatever they wanted me to do with that instant because they think maybe they think i'm taking care of it but also they're kind of like huh well i can't complain because she's not being rude or which is Tita Lors: Yeah. Or they're like, she's being sassy AF. And they're trying to process if that's happening. Are you? Yeah. She actually had a date with me? Robin Axline: That's true. That's true. Like, wait, is she doing that or is she being real or what's happening? But once I adapted that, especially on a busy weekend, ⁓ it totally helped my game just to have that kind of almost overly polite tone in whatever I was saying because it kind of confuses. They... Tita Lors: Nice. Robin Axline: This is my take, but I feel like they honestly like saw that I wasn't having a good day. I'm running around doing all this stuff and they're demanding things. And of course they're not self-aware, but ⁓ to have me come back with like a positive thing, that's like probably the opposite of what they're expecting me to do, which is be like, I'm like, as you can see, I have all these things going on. I'll get to you when I get to you or something. And I never really did that. I just. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I know. You're so cool. I did the... ⁓ I would love to help you with that. I'm just gonna grab this one thing real fast, okay? Great, I'll be right back. And then I'd make somebody else do it. Also, because I was like a manager, so I'd be like, ⁓ my gosh, you're right. This guy over here is gonna help you. Okay, bye! Robin Axline: Nice. ⁓ man, that is funny. That's great. That's great. I've, I've had people like switch customers out with me. They're just like, this is not going to end well. Like, do you mind stepping in? And then I'll come over and I'll be like, ⁓ well, someone's so busy. Like, what do you need next? And then I've had people, I've done that same thing with people I feel comfortable enough. like, I think you would do way better with these people. I've like really had it up to here. Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: So it's nice when people are on the same page as you and can kind of help. And usually that does help because it's like fresh eyes and they're not tainted with this person's attitude. ⁓ So next is number five and the last final clap back. These low key clap backs I'm doing today. Energy shift. Tita Lors: Yeah. Help you out, back you Okay. Robin Axline: So that is entails no words and you just kind of move differently. ⁓ it kind of gives a little bit of cold, like less warmth in the room. And it's like kind of respectful, but it's not the same energy that you had. And they can kind of feel it. Like when I've done that before, I. kind of breathe, like kind of, I go slow down. So I kind of slow down what I'm doing and I breathe and I move kind of, ⁓ I, I move at a glacial pace. Tita Lors: You Robin Axline: To quote, Govor is Prada. Or like in a movie when there's a slow clap and the running pace is neck and neck, but it's like this. And I just kind of move a little bit differently. And it really does kind of like, again, maybe take somebody off of their game a little bit when I'm a little bit ⁓ miffed with somebody. Sometimes I'll just do that. Like I'll slow down. Tita Lors: Yeah. Yeah. Robin Axline: and not let myself get so like this. Yeah, and then just have like a silent kind of like mother... something. Mother trucker. You mother trucker. And I'm gonna show you but in like this low-key kind of make you awkward kind of way. Tita Lors: Yeah. We're trying not to cast people. ⁓ It's not working. Yeah. Yeah. Well, also what it's like for more, I guess, psychotherapy, neuro, I don't know, whatever. ⁓ It's more like when you take that breath. And that person's either gonna still come at you at that high place and then realize how freaking crazy that feels. Or they're gonna like check themselves and be like, okay, I guess I have to regulate too and come from a different place as well. Cause that it's a, there's a noticeable like release of like tension in your body. Usually when that happens. Yeah. Yeah. And also it works for a text messaging too, cause it's like, silence is a, silence is an answer. Yeah. Yeah, right. Like if somebody keeps trying to come back into your life, you've got that ex who won't go away. Just like is so, you know, wants to keep trying to make this work or, you know, there's this person who's doing you dirty. Silence is also an answer. Blocking them from everything and giving yourself the peace of mind that you never have to hear from them again or see anything from them pop up ever again. Silence is an answer. It's great. Or if you're and if you're receiving silence, Receive that answer. Robin Axline: It's yeah, it's hard to be on that receiving end, but sometimes, yeah, just receive that and just drop it yourself. That's ⁓ good advice. Now that wraps up my countdown, my top five, top of my dome. But ⁓ I have some curious questions for you, Laura. So. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. of Yeah. Robin Axline: Okay, what's your go-to move when someone annoys you but you don't want to start a fight? Tita Lors: ⁓ I probably will like, breathe. And I probably look angry, like I f- I have convinced myself that I know how to control my face. I'm a great actor. I don't think I'm that great. I'm pretty sure my feelings are like right there on the surface. So I'll just be like... Okay. And then I'll walk away. Yeah. Robin Axline: Good answer, yeah. Do you think small clapbacks are healthy or just socially acceptable pettiness? Tita Lors: If I like, switch to, huh. both, right? Like, again, I think we're setting boundaries. ⁓ It's a really, really great way to set a boundary. Like, I don't like being treated that way. Like with the whole customer service thing, I don't like being yelled at. I really don't like being yelled at. I'm not allowed to tell a customer, I don't like being yelled at. You need to shut the F up. So it's like, uh-huh. Here, talk to Fred. Robin Axline: to Fred. Tita Lors: talk to Fred Fred has you know Fred has answers I I have less answers Fred has more so but just it is these small ways that we set boundaries with people so I think it's totally appropriate Robin Axline: Mm-hmm. I agree. I think so. It's acceptable pettiness. Wait, I, okay, just one more. Like, have you done something petty and immediately been like, yeah, I ate that. I mean, small clap backs feel pretty good. Tita Lors: are you thinking right now? They do. ⁓ okay, so recently, I'm actually still fighting with T-Mobile about this. there's like problems with my bill and I have to call them again because it's way more than it's supposed to be. And the, one of the people that it got escalated to, she started having an attitude with me and I'd already been on the phone for like hours. She was the second, if not third person that I'd already talked to that day. And I was like, she was trying to explain something and she was giving me an attitude and whatever. And I was like. I took a breath and I told her. I hear that you're annoyed. I hear that you're frustrated with me because of the situation. You are now the third person that I've spoken to and more if we're talking about other days that I've had to deal with the situation. So can you imagine how I feel in this situation and how much more frustrated and annoyed and angry I feel in comparison to you right now? And she like, she muted herself. Because I could, I stopped hearing all the background noise and then she apologized and I was like, and then she like checked her tone for the rest of that conversation. Cause I was being really nice. When I really wanted to just yell at her, but yeah, that's, that's probably like the small clap back that I had in that moment of like, you think you're pissed? Which please. Robin Axline: Thank No, that's brilliant. I think it probably ⁓ fed her tone downness too. I think, yeah, those kinds of things are good because you're not abandoning yourself and you're not overly explaining. You're just kind of like, this is what's happening and you're not necessarily just a hundred percent pretending that you're fine. You're just acknowledging it in a calmer way. Tita Lors: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Robin Axline: So yeah, I think. Back to is it healthy or acceptable, I think, 100%. Yeah. And this kind of, yeah. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I should have asked, you think I'm going to ask, do you think it's healthy or acceptable? Robin Axline: Well, well, let me think about it. I'm not really sure about, ⁓ no, I think it is. I think it is these little, little micro things. And they're not really like, I wouldn't call them microaggressions. They're more just kind of like, like I was saying, it's a way to set a boundary or be more true to yourself than like, everything's fine when it's really not. And then you can kind of move on from it too. I don't recommend everybody do this, but. Tita Lors: you Yeah, and it's not like staying in your brain. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. But yeah, don't take this the wrong way, dear listeners. I'm not saying go around being low-key petty all day long, but yeah. But you know, if the shoe fits, then no. Tita Lors: Petty. Robin Axline: you How do you? Tita Lors: Yeah, I thought about it too. Robin Axline: Hey, everybody loves a callback. Tita Lors: Seriously. ⁓ I just actually thought of, ⁓ okay. This one's like... It's low key petty because they probably didn't even know I was doing it, but it just felt really good for me. So there's this place that I used to work at. I actually really enjoyed the work that I did at this agency. It was a nonprofit agency. I got to work with exactly the population I wanted to work with. I felt like I was making a difference. It was amazing work that I got to do, but I hated the upper management. They were, they didn't care about their employees. They didn't. prioritize their employees needs, there was like a huge lack of support and just wasn't great. And there's this one particular person that I really, really, really did not like. And so we would have like all staff meetings. I don't have it, it's downstairs. ⁓ And I had gone to Universal and I saw this bright yellow caution color mug, and it had like a caution sign. and the big letters said blow me. But up top it said caution and then blow me and then ⁓ hot or contents are hot or whatever. And every time, every time we had an all staff, I would sit in a place where she could see me and I would direct that part of the mug towards this person and I would just sip at it. Sip out of it every single time. and just smile. Robin Axline: Good one. Tita Lors: Yeah, cause she, I have so many stories about this person, I'll tell you another type of like, or about this agency, in times that I have like set boundaries out loud, not just like, not just in one to one meetings, but in like group meetings like this, because they were so disrespectful of their employees and it pissed me off so many times. I was like, fire me then. Robin Axline: Nice. Tita Lors: It was just always that of me being like, go ahead, fire me over a cup. Robin Axline: Like that pose you just did. For a cup. Yeah, that's great. I can't wait for more stories, I'm sure, that will fit into our format. Tita Lors: Yeah. Okay. I think you had another question. Sorry. Robin Axline: Yeah, so I guess I just... ⁓ no, I don't have another question. That's it. No more questions. Tita Lors: I think honestly my internet that's lagging because it's saying that my internet connection is slow and I don't know how to fix that. Robin Axline: Yeah, I'm not, because you do kind of break up here and there, hopefully we can fix that in the edit somehow. I just thought it might be my connection, I don't know. Tita Lors: Yeah. Well, no, I don't think it's yours. I think it's mine because I just saw a sign that popped up that like my connection is. So if I'm. Yeah, I'm mentally, emotionally and internet Lee unstable. Robin Axline: Thanks, internet. ⁓ Tita Lors: I know, seriously, geez, way to be ⁓ Robin Axline: I was just gonna add a couple things around this topic. I've been reading a book. the title is ⁓ Set Boundaries, Find A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. And in that book, there's this idea that you don't need to have a huge reaction to have self respect and that even small shifts can excuse me, small shifts in how you respond can change the dynamic. And so I was like, well, that's exactly kind of what I was talking about in this particular episode. Tita Lors: Yeah. Yeah. It's like the book, The Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Robin Axline: ⁓ yeah, honestly, I'm going to be real. haven't read it. ⁓ Tita Lors: I have only seen parts of it so I haven't read it all the way through. I'm horrible at finishing books. I love starting books, but you know, we'll get to the end eventually. But it's a very similar concept of just like how to go through life and just shifting your own energy and not having to be kind of impacted by other people's crap. Robin Axline: Yeah, that's a good thing to learn. ⁓ So in closing, was saying, ⁓ thinking about standing up for yourself, you don't have to be loud about it all the time, and you don't have to do the most to make a point. ⁓ Tita Lors: You Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, 100%. But I'm not saying if you really need to stand up for yourself and you aren't being heard, then do it. Do it big, do it real. Be that squeaky wheel. Tita Lors: you Be the squeaking wheel. know it's right. Okay. Listen, I know I'm a therapist. I'm not your therapist. So don't take this as your like therapy advice. Go actually talk to your therapist about it. But right. You know yourself best. You know your situation best. So think about how safe you feel is what I usually tell people. And if you feel safe enough to clap back, do it. do it if you don't feel safe enough, then don't obviously find a different way to set the boundary. Find a different way to get your point across that is safer for you. ⁓ Sometimes it's just more fun to do it that way with like a little tinge of pettiness. And I always love it. It's fun for me. But you know your situation best and you know yourself best. And if it's going to create a spiral for you or anything for you that doesn't feel safe or doesn't feel good, then obviously do what's right for you. That's it, think is what we're trying to say, right, Lit? It's fun to be petty, but also it's not always safe. It's not always the right move. Yeah. Don't. Robin Axline: Not always safe, so go forward at your own risk. Tita Lors: Exactly. Like really think about your situation. Like did, did I do that at work with people? I did, but they, they were not going to fire me. Nobody wanted to work there. They couldn't keep consistent employees to save their lives. So. They weren't firing me. They threatened me. Maybe once or twice, but I was like, where's my write-up? Robin Axline: you Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, and also I hated working there, so if they had fired me, then I would just collect unemployment. It would have been fine. Robin Axline: Sweet. ⁓ yeah. Tita Lors: Right? So assessing the risk, I felt okay doing it, right? Again, I felt safe to do these things. ⁓ But it's not always the right move. So that's all I'm trying to say, I guess. Robin Axline: I just remembered we didn't do a petty battle. Tita Lors: Where'd you go? What happened? ⁓ are we out of time? Robin Axline: mean, what is time? Time is a construct. What is time? ⁓ yeah. Tita Lors: But it's time! I know! Who decides how long these are? I have ⁓ one ready. Robin Axline: ⁓ yeah, okay great. I have them as well. So how about you go first and then we'll rate and you know, we'll edit this episode accordingly. Maybe, maybe not. Okay. No promises. Tita Lors: Okay. Okay, are we going? To see. we'll see. We'll see. It'll be fine. And also, I had to take that break. Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: Okay, so this is from, I don't actually know where this is from, hold on. It's from Reddit r slash am I the asshole? ⁓ And they say AITA for being petty towards my girlfriend and not helping her with her business until she asked. ⁓ And then they're like vague title I know I'll explain. My girlfriend has a side business making candles. It's actually taking off surprisingly well. Not enough to live on, but she makes good... I can't read apparently. Not enough to live on, but she makes some good money from it. My girlfriend is also easily overwhelmed and works a full-time job and gets easily stressed juggling things. I work a full-time job, but I work from home. And if I'm being honest, I don't have to work very hard. So in my free time, I would take stuff to the post office. clean all her equipment, ⁓ ready for her, package stuff, go out and get supplies, all that stuff without being asked to. We had a slight argument the other night because she got stressed out and said she's managing the business all on her own. I was slightly offended because I feel like I do a lot and I said that and her response was, well, I don't ask you to do it. So, I've... Yeah, seriously, that doesn't feel good. So I've stopped doing stuff until she asked me to. This morning, she woke up late for work and said she needed to cut out package labels. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. And said she needed to cut out package labels. And usually I'd say, I'll do it, but instead said, well, you better be quick then. She's got stuff to send to post office today, which usually I do, but I'm not gonna. I'm gonna. I'm going to keep it up until she's actually asked me for help. I feel a bit mean. I feel a bit mean though. That's all. And then there's an edit to say, all righty then. Okay, actually, yeah. I've taken the comments on board and I'm being a... Actually, do you want the edit or do you want me to just... Do we want to decide for ourselves how petty this is first? Robin Axline: I guess we can decide first, perhaps. And then... I just... It's one of those cases of invisible labor, for one. And it's just so real. And I think that happens to every couple, or... Maybe it doesn't, but it's pretty common, unfortunately. And I also think it's kind of wild that she said she wanted him to help her. I mean, yeah. Like, up top. ⁓ Tita Lors: Okay, yeah. What do you think? Yeah. Mm-mm. She never said it. Did she? She never said it. Yeah. Robin Axline: I thought... ⁓ I must have misheard that part. Like, I thought she said she wanted me to help with the business or something. Okay, so, maybe not then. Tita Lors: Nope. Hold on, let's see. It's taken off, not enough to live by, she's so easily overwhelmed. I do all that stuff without being asked. Robin Axline: Okay, scratch that. so, okay, now, all right. With that taken out of the equation. ⁓ Tita Lors: Yeah. Robin Axline: I really didn't like that I didn't ask you to do this thing because what does she think that the things mail themselves? Tita Lors: Yeah. ⁓ my gosh. Immediately you said that. Have you seen that video? It was, it used to be on Facebook. I don't know if it's on like Instagram or wherever, but it's, ⁓ like the girlfriend was super overwhelmed and with all the stuff that was happening. And then the boyfriend was like, babe, relax. We have a magic, a magic table. And she's like the F word are you talking about? And she's looking at him like you're crazy. He's like, yeah, like every time I have like a dish or something that needs to get cleaned, I just put it on the table. And then by the morning it's clean and it's put away. And did you know we have like a magic laundry basket? Whenever I have clothes that need to be cleaned, I just put it in there and then it's clean. And she's just staring at him like, what the hell? So, yes, exactly, like the invisible labor of doing things of people like not realizing how, if you're not doing it, how is it getting done then? Yeah, and to not, yeah, yeah, go ahead. Robin Axline: Yes, exactly. so for, yeah. And then for her to be like, well, I didn't ask you, that's just really...bites. Tita Lors: Yeah. Yeah. It's incredibly petty, but also like, not in a good way. Yeah, right? You're because... Robin Axline: So I think that that's a good really not petty on his part whatsoever. I just wonder how long it's gonna take for her to realize. Tita Lors: I mean Yeah. Yeah. I think it's petty, but in a great way. It's petty to be like, yeah, like I don't. Yeah, because then you're it's like, OK, well, since you don't want my help, then I won't help you. And let's see how long you last. Right. And also being like, please respect what I've done in support of you and to be here for you. Robin Axline: No, yeah. ⁓ yeah. Tita Lors: ⁓ because it's not like it's not okay to do that so i think he's they're both being petty but one's being one's using their pettiness for good and the other one's not Yeah, one setting a boundary and the other one's not. Or actually, I guess they are setting a boundary, right? They said, well, I didn't ask you for help, so don't help me. Robin Axline: Yeah, but yeah, sure. Yeah, I just yeah, I now I'm really curious about what the people said, but what do you want to say something first or? Tita Lors: Yeah. Yeah. the edit. Yeah, okay. No, no, That's it. Okay, so, already then, I've taken the comments on board and I'm being a bit petty, which I expected I was. I will have a conversation with her. I'm going to send out her stuff today because it needs to be shipped now and talk to her tonight. Thank you, friends. Robin Axline: Hmm. Well, that's nice. Because now a talk will be the kind of deciding factor, whether she gets it or not. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Or whether this is a relationship where he's going to be respected and his efforts will be appreciated. Yeah, I have 100 % petty and I like it. Yeah, she's dumb. That's not a boundary you want to Be like, you're helping me? Thank you so much! What would I do without you? Right? Yeah. Ryan, when he first started one of the trainings where he was gone for a while, I... That's when I realized, oh, he really does actually wash the dishes a lot more than... than maybe I realized. And I was like, oh, shoot. Now I have to do all these things. Like, I have to take out the trash. I have to wash the dishes more frequently. or blah blah blah and I was like, fine, I have appreciation. Thank you so much for doing it. I mean, you'd have to do it anyway, so it's like, whatever, but thank you because I don't actually have to ask him to do it. He'll see that it's there and then he'll do it. So yeah, I have mad respect. Robin Axline: awesome. You don't know what you've got till it's gone. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yep. And he was gone for months. All right, what's your story? Robin Axline: My story, alright. Here we go. This one is... I feel like this is an absolute gem. A chef's kiss, if you will. And I got this one from Reddit as well. It's the subreddit PettyRevenge. And... yeah. Supreme Super MexP says... Tita Lors: I love it. Robin Axline: ⁓ SuverMexP posted, ⁓ that their roommate is- kept eating all their snacks. And, like, their special bag of Flamin' Cheetos was literally their treat after a rough week. I love Flamin' Hot Cheetos, by the way. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Me too. like it's okay. It goes the Cheetos fries is number one and then flaming hot Cheetos and it's a tie between that and the limon flavor one Robin Axline: I love the con limon. ⁓ my gosh. Yum. Okay, so back to the story. So they have, no, no, they have hot Cheetos and that was their treat after a week. So instead of yelling, they pulled a literal petty revenge move. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Okay. Yep. Okay. Yeah, sorry. Hmm Robin Axline: And here's what they did. They waited until their roommate had a big work meeting the next day and then filled the roommates backpack with loose Tito dust. So when the roommate opened the bag at work backpack, everything, the laptop, the papers, the whole bag was bright orange and really messy. and the roommate got super mad and texted in all caps, dude, what did you do to my bag? Tita Lors: You Robin Axline: And the poster says that apparently he learned his lesson after that happened and stopped eating his snacks. The end. I'd say that's like a petty win for that person. Tita Lors: Nice. Good job. 100 % yes. That's so good. Like, I thought you wanted some chips. Robin Axline: Yeah, you want some chips? Here you go. Take them to work with you. Tita Lors: Here you go, have some. Please, take them all, why don't you? Jeez. That's so true. That's kind of like the best part too. I hate when I have to throw it away because I have to be like respectable and professional and I can't just like get to the very bottom of the bag. Robin Axline: Yeah. Do you remember, ⁓ this was like before Ellen, ⁓ True Colors came out, but there was like this big, like, news article where she was like, it's not ladylike to, ⁓ eat the bottom of the bag of chips like this. ⁓ like women shouldn't be doing that. Tita Lors: Yeah, you said this? Robin Axline: Yeah, I don't remember exactly when it was, but I just remember it was like on some, you know, blog or something that I read and I was like, wow, like that is such a weird take. Like. Tita Lors: If that is, I mean, I don't always like doing it because I know how people are perceiving it, you know what I mean? Like, especially guys, but like, how else are you supposed to get if it's a, if you're eating out of the big bag, how else are you supposed to get all of the foods and the crummies and not be wasteful? Robin Axline: Yeah, the crummies. Don't forget about the crummies. ⁓ man, but yeah, I always think about that now when I'm like eating the chips. Tita Lors: Well, there's a in the other podcast that I do that I need to start up again. I was talking with somebody. And they they were amazing. I wish I could remember which one it was. They were talking about how, especially as women, we perceive ourselves as others would perceive us, but we're not sitting in our own experience and perceiving that, right? I'm not looking out of my eyes and seeing it. I'm watching myself do it. ⁓ Yeah, right. And it's such a different experience when you actually try to imagine yourself back in your body in the experience instead of paying attention to how this person is going to see me how that what I must look like doing this or that or whatever, how I must be perceived, right? Like I'm watching these people watch me and think about me and perceive me. And I'm considering that versus sitting here in the moment that I'm experiencing it. And I was like, shut the f- door. Robin Axline: fudge is going on here. ⁓ Tita Lors: Why are you calling me out? What the hell? Robin Axline: Right. Tita Lors: ready to receive this knowledge. Robin Axline: This is pretty trippy though. I never like thought about that perspective. Tita Lors: Yeah, right. She was like, even even right now, like, are you seeing the world through your own eyes as you're experiencing it? Or are you looking at the back of your head as you're doing this? What you're doing? And I was like, bitch, shut up. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah. ⁓ my gosh. Well, that makes me want to kind of jump into some more of that school of thought and see what else I'm doing. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right? Yeah, it's like in the realm of somatic and body work stuff, because we're not, we're not existing in the body itself. We're watching it happen. So it's like, how do we then be back in our body and actually experience what's happening and not like watch ourselves live our lives? Robin Axline: That's actually the word I was searching for, gaze. Yeah. Huh. Tita Lors: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I was like, shut up. I hate you. I love this. Tell me more. Robin Axline: Yeah, yeah, but wait. Come back here. Tita Lors: I know. Gosh. That was a jittery one. ⁓ okay. Now we have to like, let's rate these. Yes. Okay. I've got it. So are we rating the girlfriend's pettiness or his pettiness? Robin Axline: Hmm. ⁓ yes, let's do our rating system. You got it up? Tita Lors: Let's do his, because he's the original poster. And he was the one asking if he was an a-hole. Right? Robin Axline: ⁓ Well, I feel... Yeah, that's what I was... Yeah, that's what I was just gonna say. Yep. Tita Lors: Okay. All right, so. Robin Axline: I think my internet cut out, but. Tita Lors: ⁓ no. Okay, you're back. So how trivial are the results? of I guess there really wasn't any results the results were I mean he wasn't really impacted Robin Axline: Yeah, cause we don't know. Yeah, he wasn't impacted and like, I kinda wanted to know if she- Well, I kinda wanted to know what the conversation was gonna come of that, but I guess we don't have an update. Tita Lors: Yeah. I don't feel like going that much into it, too deep into it, but ⁓ Yeah, that was the only update on the original. Exactly, yeah. So she got mad. That's the result. She's probably gonna get mad. Like, if you don't go do these things, she'll probably get mad. And a lot of it is... Yeah. So are these trivial results... Robin Axline: leave us hanging. No, because we're basing it on what he wrote anyways, so let's just go. Tita Lors: I guess not. It's not like so trivial. Like nothing's going to happen. So I'm thinking somewhere in the middle because it's like, it's not your business that's getting impacted, but it is your relationship getting impacted. So somewhere left of five. Robin Axline: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. ⁓ So five and a half, that's the max for me. Tita Lors: Okay, so we're thinking like five and a half, six. Okay. All right. And then how spiteful is it? I don't think he was meaning to be mean, but it is spiteful. Robin Axline: Yeah, out of spite, he reduced himself to kind of testing her a little bit. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah. So I'm thinking high. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm picking up what you're putting down. Robin Axline: ⁓ Seven? ⁓ I was gonna say seven. Tita Lors: I'm thinking like sevens, what are you thinking? Oh nice! We are just here with each other, yes. Yeah, yes, okay, how much of an overreaction? Robin Axline: I don't think it's a reaction at all. think he just was setting a boundary because he wasn't being appreciated. Tita Lors: Yeah. Yeah. 100 % that this was an appropriate response to what happened. okay, 321 respond, okay, with your number 321-0? ⁓ Okay. Cause I- It wasn't appropriate! We missed it, I know. It's an appropriate response to something. You're not overreacting literally at all. I feel like you- Yeah. Robin Axline: We missed it this time, but I like zero. Yeah, yeah. So I'm gonna do zero, because that is, it totally made sense to me. It wasn't like a huh, you know? Tita Lors: Yeah. Zero. I'll come up to. Yeah, yeah, like she didn't ask. Okay, then I won't do it, I guess, if you don't want me to help you. I mean, could, I could, right? Exactly. I could go to a one, I guess, but I feel like zero is accurate. What do you think? Okay. Okay. Cheetos, petty revenge. How trivial are the results? Did you say his backpack? Wait, his laptop was in his backpack. Robin Axline: That gave me the cringiest like whole fuck like I mean shoot fudge I Tita Lors: Shoot dog. Robin Axline: Shoot, dog. That's a no from me, dog. Tita Lors: you Yep, yep. So I would say it's pretty high. Yeah, like eight? Do we say the same thing? Robin Axline: Yeah. Tita Lors: Nice! Okay, how spiteful is it? Uh... Oh, it's pretty high also. I'm gonna go with 8 again. Robin Axline: Yeah, I was gonna say the same. Whoa. All right. Tita Lors: Yay! Okay, how much of an overreaction? I love my snackies. So I'm partial. I'm not gonna think this is an overreaction. So I'm gonna be... I'm gonna be below five. Okay, I'm gonna agree with you. Are we ready? Okay, so the one where she didn't ask for help, 12.5. That's low. Okay. And then the Cheetos Petty Revenge, 19.5. Alright, so that's You're the Winner again. ⁓ Okay, but we still haven't beat out the real name one. That's a door. We were one point away. I know. I'm like, we might have to like read it again and re-score it at some point because I'm like, was it really that petty? Robin Axline: Dang, that real name. Yeah, like depending on, yeah, like let's do like another week or so and if it's still up there then let's reevaluate perhaps. Tita Lors: Yeah, yeah, and C. Okay. Yay! Well, I wonder if everybody agreed with us. Robin Axline: Yeah, I wonder. I would really like to know. So, shoot. Why don't you just shoot us a message and say what you think. Tita Lors: Let us know, did we get it right? Are we still getting it wrong? Robin Axline: Tell us in the comments. Please, we are losing sleep as we speak. Tita Lors: Exactly. We need to know. There's a one of the shows that my big watch is is Rosie's Rules. And she goes, Yo quiero saberlo. I really have to know. Robin Axline: Aww. Tita Lors: It's my favorite thing. She's watching all of these shows that makes you like, ⁓ that's such a good reminder. Okay. And so now every time I have these like moments, ⁓ I hear her shows in my head. Like, like Gabby Dollhouse is... ⁓ yet right like somebody will be like ⁓ i'm really having a problem with this i don't know how to do it and she comes in she's like yet you don't know how to do it yet I know, right? And then there's another one. Hold on, what is it? I use this with my clients too. I'm like, do you have kids? Do you know this? Do you watch PBS Kids? There's another one where it's like, breathe in, breathe out. Now it's time to figure it out. Robin Axline: ⁓ yeah, that's a good one for everybody. Tita Lors: Mm-hmm, right? Yeah. Or I think it's like breathe in, breathe out, wiggle about, and then now it's time to figure it out. Yeah. Mm-hmm. All right. I'll let you close it out. Robin Axline: Well, thanks for sticking with us through this episode. I know it went a little all over the place, that's our style. So that's why you keep coming back. And that's all we've got for today. So if you enjoyed hanging out with us, once again, please, please, please subscribe on anywhere you get podcasts. And until next time. Tita Lors: Yeah. I don't know. and stop.