Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / Robert Paylor - What a Rugby Tragedy Taught Him About Purpose and Resilience

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Robert Paylor - What a Rugby Tragedy Taught Him About Purpose and Resilience · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

0:03
SPEAKER_02: Hi, I'm Riley.
0:04
SPEAKER_01: And I'm Ryder.
0:05
SPEAKER_01: And this is my dad Joe.
0:12
SPEAKER_01: Hey everybody, it's KCJ Cox with the quarterback.cats.
0:15
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to season seven.
0:17
SPEAKER_01: Can't wait for this season as there's a lot of great guests ahead.
0:20
SPEAKER_01: If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple.
0:22
SPEAKER_01: It's a podcast where we we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them, and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home.
0:35
SPEAKER_01: So let's sit back, relax, and listen to today's episode on the Quarterback Deckcast.
0:40
SPEAKER_01: Well, hey everybody, it is Casey J.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: Cox with the Quarterback Deckcast.
0:43
SPEAKER_01: We're in season seven, and as I promised, we are gonna up our guest game, and uh we have got a beauty today.
0:50
SPEAKER_01: And this gentleman only comes to us because the one only Chris Mater, shout out to MTA, make the adjustment consultancy.
0:57
SPEAKER_01: Um hell of a hell of a like third baseman or catcher, whatever that grease grizzly vet could do back in the day, and he's probably gonna say go guardians or Indians for whoever you're rooting for.
1:06
SPEAKER_01: Uh, but joking aside, that's not what we're gonna be talking about, even though I love you, Mater.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna talk about a gentleman by the name of Robert Paler, who I get introduced.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: And Robert Paler is a golden bear.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: Uh he's also a speaker.
1:17
SPEAKER_01: Uh he's impacting people around the world with um really changing the mindset, talking about attitude, talking about grit, talking about resilience, talking about helping remove fear and belief.
1:28
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes people say we'll we'll talk a lot about this, this, these topics, everybody, but I think I really hope you're gonna slow down to take notes for our next guest because he can back up.
1:37
SPEAKER_01: Because on May 6th, 2017, 3,209 days ago, uh Robert's life was changed.
1:44
SPEAKER_01: He was paralyzed in a rugby game.
1:46
SPEAKER_01: And we're gonna learn about how he's using that experience, become the ultimate quarterback leader of his household.
1:52
SPEAKER_01: So without further ado, Mr.
1:52
SPEAKER_01: Paler, welcome to the quarterback dadcast.
1:54
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for having me, Casey.
1:56
SPEAKER_02: I've been looking forward to this for a while.
1:57
SPEAKER_02: So this will be fun.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be a blast.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: So we always start out each episode with gratitude.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: Uh so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
2:06
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's the little things.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: You know, so I my little my boy just turned um two months old two days ago.
2:13
SPEAKER_02: So I'm I'm in the newborn trenches, you know, we're pounding our way through here and loving every second.
2:18
SPEAKER_02: Um, but me before becoming a dad, I was always like, go, go, go.
2:23
SPEAKER_02: I need weekend plans.
2:24
SPEAKER_02: What's the trip we're doing?
2:25
SPEAKER_02: Who are we seeing?
2:26
SPEAKER_02: Like I couldn't sit still.
2:28
SPEAKER_02: And the thing that surprised me most is now I would be like, oh, cool.
2:31
SPEAKER_02: I have eight hours to just sit on the couch with my son just laying there right on me, and I can read a book or something like that.
2:37
SPEAKER_02: That sounds amazing.
2:38
SPEAKER_02: So that's what I'm grateful for.
2:40
SPEAKER_02: Just like those little moments, every bit of time we have to just sit back and just be me and him.
2:45
SPEAKER_01: So good.
2:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so good.
2:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, what I'm grateful for is you, man.
2:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm grateful that you our lives are past in this universe, and I can't wait to tell my kids your story um to inspire them about what's possible because the mind, um, one of my friends got him Chris Um, um, not Chris, um, Colin Henderson.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: Colin Henderson talks about uh I think he shared and he probably got taught, it's called innercising.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: You know, so that times we we exercise, but sometimes people don't get their minds quite right to start the day.
3:17
SPEAKER_01: And I'm a big believer in mindset, I'm a big believer in gratitude journal.
3:21
SPEAKER_01: Um I've I've learned mindset tricks and tools over the over this entrepreneurial journey that and even my life.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I'm just grateful that uh I get to share your story with them and and hopefully continue to keep sending that elevator back down to impact others, man.
3:35
SPEAKER_02: I appreciate it.
3:35
SPEAKER_02: That means the world.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so bring me inside the huddle.
3:40
SPEAKER_01: You're you're I know you're a rugby guy, but we're gonna you're gonna play quarterback now.
3:42
SPEAKER_01: So tell me who is in the squad inside the the the uh paler huddle.
3:46
SPEAKER_01: Totally.
3:47
SPEAKER_02: We yeah, it can be like the scrum, like the rugby scrum going in there.
3:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the paler huddle.
3:52
SPEAKER_02: So um my my team here, uh, you know, number one captain here is is my wife.
3:58
SPEAKER_02: Um my wife is everything to me.
4:00
SPEAKER_02: And you know, maybe we'll talk about how we met and everything, but she just really changed my life.
4:05
SPEAKER_02: And we're gonna talk about the greatest uh challenge that I've ever gone, and a very physical one of quadriplegia, battling out of paralysis.
4:13
SPEAKER_02: And I still deal with this for to a very significant degree.
4:16
SPEAKER_02: I'm in a wheelchair right now as we record this podcast.
4:20
SPEAKER_02: Like you mentioned, I've spent the last 3,209 days in this wheelchair fighting to get out of it.
4:26
SPEAKER_02: She has just been with me every step of the way.
4:28
SPEAKER_02: So she's amazing, and and you know, she really chose me for me in my brokenness and in my weakness.
4:36
SPEAKER_02: So she's changed my life.
4:38
SPEAKER_02: I'm so grateful for her.
4:39
SPEAKER_02: And just every morning I get to wake up next to her.
4:41
SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, then like my mom is like just such a champion and a living saint walking around on this earth.
4:49
SPEAKER_02: She lives about five minutes away from us over here in the Sacramento Valley.
4:53
SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, first time grandma over here.
4:56
SPEAKER_02: So on both sides, actually.
4:58
SPEAKER_02: This is a very spoiled kid, but my mom's just stepped up in so many amazing ways, um, and just like is always there for me.
5:05
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, she is such a huge reason why I even survived the initial period of my injury, um, but certainly why I've thrived through it, you know, physically and that mental, emotional, purpose-based standpoint.
5:17
SPEAKER_02: So just huge.
5:19
SPEAKER_02: Rest of my family, my dad, my brother, incredibly supportive.
5:22
SPEAKER_02: Um, get to see them all the time, and they love being able to just put me on their shoulders, literally, and get me anywhere and everywhere in the world.
5:30
SPEAKER_02: Um, but then, you know, outside of that, a lot of it goes to like sports.
5:33
SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm a lifelong athlete, rugby player, and it's especially that cow rugby community that I just really continue to stay very connected with and honored to be able to have that.
5:44
SPEAKER_02: Um, they changed my life and uh in so many ways, building that foundation and my two years to be able to play for that team, but then supporting me thereafter in perpetuity in my rehab, in my speaking endeavors, and my book, um, and just being able to show up back to campus, watch a match, and see some amazing people who have been following the story almost nine years, just completely dedicated, loving people.
6:07
SPEAKER_02: So got a pretty good scrum together there of uh folks.
6:10
SPEAKER_02: I think we can take on anything.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: So your son is just two months old to hear that right?
6:16
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: Okay, and just the lone son right now.
6:19
SPEAKER_02: Yep, just the one boy, first boy.
6:22
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
6:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, so you mentioned earlier.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: So tell me tell me your wife's name again.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: Her name is Carson.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: Carson, okay.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: And tell me how you and Carson met.
6:29
SPEAKER_02: So we met over at Cal, and I didn't even know her before my injury.
6:34
SPEAKER_02: I end up coming back my junior year over to Cal.
6:37
SPEAKER_02: And at this point, I was having a lot of identity issues, self-image issues.
6:43
SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm going from D1 athlete, 6'5, 245 pounds, like kind of feeling like a big man on campus.
6:50
SPEAKER_02: You know, here we are, the best rugby team in the nation.
6:52
SPEAKER_02: Um, winning national championships.
6:54
SPEAKER_02: We had just um, we were going to compete for our 32nd national championship in 40 years.
7:00
SPEAKER_02: Um, so really an incredible culture over there at Cal.
7:03
SPEAKER_02: You know, I walk into a room, people kind of turn their heads.
7:06
SPEAKER_02: Um, I liked that.
7:07
SPEAKER_02: And then I show back up and I'm in a wheelchair, and I look at myself in the mirror.
7:13
SPEAKER_02: I can see the ridges in my sternum and my ribs and the atrophy in my muscles.
7:18
SPEAKER_02: I just look at myself and I'm like, who would ever want to be with this?
7:22
SPEAKER_02: And it's not just that physical appearance, it's the sacrifices you have to make.
7:26
SPEAKER_02: I don't live a normal life.
7:27
SPEAKER_02: And there's so much that I wish I could do, but I can't do.
7:31
SPEAKER_02: Now, for me, I just have to accept that.
7:33
SPEAKER_02: And it's either I take that on or I do nothing with my life.
7:36
SPEAKER_02: But for a life partner, that's a willing choice that they make every single day.
7:42
SPEAKER_02: And I just thought, who in their right mind would sign up for those sacrifices?
7:46
SPEAKER_02: And my wife does and has, um, she's committed her entire life to making those sacrifices with me.
7:53
SPEAKER_02: And we met through a Christian athlete group over at Cal.
7:56
SPEAKER_02: It's called Athletes in Action.
7:59
SPEAKER_02: And I don't know if you've ever been to like Berkeley, San Francisco.
8:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, but you probably know it's like Hills for Days, right?
8:05
SPEAKER_02: I mean, they make movies out of these things.
8:07
SPEAKER_02: And um, you could be like a Lance Armstrong of wheelchairs.
8:10
SPEAKER_02: Eventually, the Hills are gonna win.
8:12
SPEAKER_02: I needed help like everywhere that I went.
8:15
SPEAKER_02: Um, so to get to this meeting, one of our mutual friends was like, hey, help you get there.
8:19
SPEAKER_02: And I'll bring my friend Carson over here as well to help us go there.
8:22
SPEAKER_02: And Carson showed up first, and I see her.
8:25
SPEAKER_02: She's 6'2, I'm 6'5, so I was always looking for like a tall girl, and she's like drop dead, gorgeous.
8:31
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do my thing here.
8:33
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm gonna shoot my shot.
8:35
SPEAKER_02: I thought it was a total swing and a miss, Casey.
8:37
SPEAKER_02: I was just like, dude, move on.
8:39
SPEAKER_02: She is not interested.
8:41
SPEAKER_02: Uh, but that was just me and my insecurity.
8:43
SPEAKER_02: Lucky for me, one of my best friends is now married, but at the time was dating one of Carson's best friends, and he's like, dude, you are an idiot.
8:51
SPEAKER_02: Like, he really likes you.
8:53
SPEAKER_02: So they went out on a double date and got some drinks, had our first real official date a week after that, and rest is history.
8:59
SPEAKER_02: We got married on November 11th, 2023, and uh, best thing that ever happened to me.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: Now there's I just think like there's sickness and health, and like vows mean something, you know, and that's like my my dad.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: I had a journey with my dad where he passed away December 29th, 2021, and it was a 20-year just rough journey, like helping take care of him.
9:22
SPEAKER_01: But uh, you know, but I'm grateful that I was in the right mindset and physical, emotional, financially to help do that.
9:29
SPEAKER_01: But my wife didn't sign up for that, right?
9:32
SPEAKER_01: She was a beast, and I'm so grateful for her for doing that.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: And I think about like what your wife signed up for is even more inspiring because you know, it there's there's so many things you can do, and we're gonna learn about that um later in this episode.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: But I think uh shout out to her, and and I love you can just hear the gratitude in your voice and the love you have for her.
9:51
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's such a cool, um, cool story that should be celebrated.
9:55
SPEAKER_01: I think because it's you know, that's an uncommon thing that happened to both, and right, you're making it an amazing outcome.
10:02
SPEAKER_02: So uh yeah, like thriving because of it, yeah, really.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: Um, like this that my disability and the things that I take on are in no way a hindrance to our life.
10:12
SPEAKER_02: In so many ways, we've embraced this ability to help others in a way that I would never have without this challenge and sacrifice that we have to make.
10:21
SPEAKER_02: So she knew exactly what she was signing up for, which was a lot.
10:26
SPEAKER_02: And she does, I mean, she just continues to take it on every day.
10:28
SPEAKER_02: And here we are building this wonderful life.
10:30
SPEAKER_02: We're just we're so blessed, you know.
10:32
SPEAKER_02: We work hard, but we're really blessed too.
10:34
SPEAKER_02: And uh we're grateful just for each other and what we have.
10:38
SPEAKER_02: So good.
10:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and your son's name is what?
10:41
SPEAKER_02: His name is Robert Thomas.
10:43
SPEAKER_02: So he's uh he's not technically a junior, I'm a Robert Jeffrey, but we got a little bit of a Robert Taylor thing going on here.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: You know what's funny?
10:50
SPEAKER_01: I didn't, I just learned that.
10:51
SPEAKER_01: I just thought if you have a first name, he'd be a Robert the Jr., but now you just helped me out.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know that.
10:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, at least that's what I think.
10:56
SPEAKER_02: So anyone can fact check me on that, on that one, but I'm pretty sure.
11:00
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, okay.
11:03
SPEAKER_01: Well, I always like asking my guests to rewind the tape and talk what walk me back through what was life like growing up for you and the impact mom and dad had on you from a values perspective.
11:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, huge.
11:13
SPEAKER_02: I'm really grateful for the values that they instilled in me.
11:16
SPEAKER_02: It is certainly the reason why I've been able to respond so well throughout this situation.
11:22
SPEAKER_02: And I think like one thing I don't think a lot about, but it's so true as I think about it now, is just like the meaning that I have in my life and really serving others.
11:31
SPEAKER_02: That was something they really instilled in me.
11:33
SPEAKER_02: So I grew up in a town called El Dorado Hills.
11:36
SPEAKER_02: It's in the foothills of the Sacramento Valley, kind of a semi-rural area of Sacramento.
11:42
SPEAKER_02: We grew up on a couple of acres.
11:43
SPEAKER_02: It wasn't the classic suburban neighborhood where you have a lot of kids going around out and playing outside.
11:49
SPEAKER_02: It was really just me and my brother.
11:51
SPEAKER_02: And when I look back on my happiest memories, it was coming back from school, have a snack, pound out our homework, and just like go outside and do stuff.
11:59
SPEAKER_02: So we're doing WWE wrestling on the trampoline and you know, we're we're throwing the ball, we're playing horse, getting mad at each other, but coming back together at the end of the day.
12:09
SPEAKER_02: And uh, I mean, my family really instilled that sense of like, you have been so blessed, you have so many gifts, use them, use them all for your own personal success, make the most out of that.
12:23
SPEAKER_02: Um, but don't ever, don't ever forget like we're you know who you are and your humility and the impact that you can have on everyone.
12:30
SPEAKER_02: So I really tried to do it all in life.
12:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, when I went over to high school, I was in the band.
12:36
SPEAKER_02: So I was the football team captain, I was the rugby team captain, MVP, and then I was also the student director of the band.
12:42
SPEAKER_02: So here I am, like playing in the football game, and then afterwards I'd go grab my French horn and like and go play it there.
12:48
SPEAKER_02: So I kind of prided myself on the guy who could, you know, go hang out with the football team and then also like see the band guys going together and like have a conversation and like just kind of bridge those different groups that you wouldn't think would intermix at all.
13:01
SPEAKER_02: Um, but that's yeah, yeah, that's what my parents really instilled in me to go for that.
13:07
SPEAKER_02: So faith was really is has and is still a very big part of my life.
13:12
SPEAKER_02: Um, Catholic school, K through 12.
13:15
SPEAKER_02: When I went over to Jesuit High School in Sacramento, I think that was really some blossomed within me.
13:20
SPEAKER_02: And uh the motto there is men for others.
13:23
SPEAKER_02: And I I really embrace that, that I have all these gifts and for further building on the parent, my parents' values was supposed to use these gifts I have for the benefit of others.
13:34
SPEAKER_02: So service was always a really big component of that school.
13:37
SPEAKER_02: I leaned into it hard and in religious retreats, kind of cut my teeth on speaking a little bit, um, but just kept pushing for uh in athletics.
13:45
SPEAKER_02: And that's where I found rugby was at Jesuit High School as well.
13:49
SPEAKER_02: Um, the number one winningest high school rugby program in America, just over there in Sacramento.
13:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: So did you ever when you were at Cal, did you ever play against Central Washington?
14:01
SPEAKER_02: Yes, we did, and they were quite an opponent.
14:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, really, really good team.
14:07
SPEAKER_02: We did we uh we when we saw them on the calendar, we knew like we're gonna have to really earn this one.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: So it's crazy.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: So I graduated college in 1998 and um they were just starting the rugby program then, and I used to be like, man, I got a helmet on.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: Like these guys are nuts.
14:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, just freaking going.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I wouldn't, no thanks.
14:25
SPEAKER_01: I have pads on, playing quarterback.
14:27
SPEAKER_01: I I like this, like, and then to see Central, and then actually, unfortunately, they're they're just they discontinued the rugby program within the last couple of years, kind of a bummer, really.
14:36
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I mean they're a deep we're a D2 school, and they were competing with D1 schools all around the nation.
14:41
SPEAKER_01: It was crazy.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: I couldn't believe it.
14:42
SPEAKER_02: But they were, yeah.
14:43
SPEAKER_02: I remember my freshman year, we played them in the uh the semifinals, and uh the only reason why we won is uh they just missed a kick in the very end, just a little bit wide.
14:54
SPEAKER_02: We and we ended up going on to beat BYU for a national championship that year, but we were this close to losing that match.
15:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're a very formidable team.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: Look at my old my own my own Wildcats on the map.
15:05
SPEAKER_02: There we go.
15:06
SPEAKER_02: There we go.
15:06
SPEAKER_01: They're keeping it going.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: Um okay, so humility, service, faith.
15:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, can you think of a story that cemented some of those values as as you reflect back on your childhood?
15:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:19
SPEAKER_02: Um, so when it comes down to humility, I think it goes back to like be a friend to everyone.
15:26
SPEAKER_02: And, you know, I I loved kind of walking through campus and like I was sort of describing, like I can be with my football buddies, and then I see the ban guys, and it's not like I like turn my head because they're not two groups that really intermix.
15:38
SPEAKER_02: No, it's like I'm gonna go like seek them out.
15:40
SPEAKER_02: So it was that humility.
15:41
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm not better than anyone, you know.
15:43
SPEAKER_02: I'm just I'm just very lucky, and uh, and I should be a friend to everyone.
15:47
SPEAKER_02: Um I remember my dad just kind of sitting on my bed at the end of the night and just being like, this is who you want to be.
15:53
SPEAKER_02: You want to be that person where there's that person in the band seeing you like breaking records and doing amazing things on the football field and being like, that's my guy, like Robert and I, like we're friends.
16:04
SPEAKER_02: And uh, so I I really prided myself on that, like having that humility.
16:09
SPEAKER_02: Um, the faith in and service was was very intermixed as well.
16:14
SPEAKER_02: Um, one thing it was demanded that we did community service um over at school, and the hours requirements would continue to increase.
16:22
SPEAKER_02: Your senior year would be 50 hours of service that you were expected to do minimum to be able to graduate from the school.
16:29
SPEAKER_02: Um, so for me, I went over to Montana to the Blackfeet Indian tribe.
16:34
SPEAKER_02: I spent a week over there, um, a lot of times just picking up trash.
16:39
SPEAKER_02: You know, they they're their trash system is not ideal.
16:42
SPEAKER_02: And uh, they live in incredibly impoverished situations.
16:46
SPEAKER_02: Um, so it really opened my eyes just to what other people go through in this country and um and exposed me to a level of of humility in that as well.
16:55
SPEAKER_02: That was very intermixed.
16:56
SPEAKER_02: But I think the root of all of these values is is that faith that my life isn't just mine, you know, it's a it's a gift.
17:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and uh and I'm I'm here on a mission to serve others, so it and you know, and to realizing that my life isn't mine, that also puts you in a state of humility as well.
17:16
SPEAKER_02: So the faith really intermixed all that together, just being involved in that community, having a really good prayer life, um, to just keep myself connected to that higher power, um, not thinking that all this strength, all these great successes come from just me.
17:30
SPEAKER_02: They're all gifts.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: No, I agree, man.
17:33
SPEAKER_01: So it's interesting.
17:34
SPEAKER_01: My my faith journey, I would say I went to church growing up, and then I just didn't go to church through every reason.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: And then um, I still don't go to church, but I am like crazy spiritual.
17:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
17:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, like I do gratitude work every day, I do prayer work every day.
17:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, even like something is I don't even mean maybe silly to others, but like when I wake up and I'm like, you know, you go take a leak, whatever, and then I get back in bed, I'm just like, I feel like this sense of gratitude recently.
17:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, man, I just pray five shelter.
18:01
SPEAKER_01: And and then I go in, and then it makes me think about like, okay, who can I pray for real quick?
18:05
SPEAKER_01: And so I've I've I have a friend that's going through cancer right now.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, my father-in-law is battling um melanoma right now.
18:12
SPEAKER_01: Say a prayer for him.
18:13
SPEAKER_01: And I I probably pray for them two, three times a day.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: I got a friend going through a a business challenge praying for him, you know, and um it's like a even like there's been many times where like just the journey of podcasting, I'll I'll I'll the way I either ask questions, people are like, oh man, you must be a a follower.
18:30
SPEAKER_01: Like they think I'm like and tweet his own.
18:31
SPEAKER_01: I mean, everyone's got their own spiritual journey.
18:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: Um but I I like I like having grace and um maybe it's I don't know if it's human acceptance or just curiosity in in everybody's spiritual journey.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: Because one thing I joke with someone who's like really spiritual is like, like, how do we we think we know, but like I don't know about you, but God's never sent me a Zoom.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: Right.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: I I I've never had a Zoom meeting or FaceTime with God.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: So like I think I know what he looks like, I think I know the truth, but in deep down, I don't think any of us truly know.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: Deep down, we we got a belief that you do.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but but I like but I believe in so many things you talked about.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: It's like be humble.
19:11
SPEAKER_01: Uh the other two superpowers I try to ignite in myself and others is being vulnerable, asking for help, and then just being curious.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: Right.
19:19
SPEAKER_01: There's always a perspective you don't know.
19:21
SPEAKER_01: And you know, what even like a friend who's yo, like have you seen the show called uh Nobody Wants Us?
19:27
SPEAKER_01: No, I haven't.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: It's on I think it's on Apple TV.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: I think I was next to the title wrong, but it's about like the Jewish faith.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: Now, I don't know anything about being Jewish.
19:35
SPEAKER_01: My friend's Jewish, and but I'm like, and this it's kind of a story about like a rabbi.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: And I was joking with her, I was like, I think Hillary, I think I could be a rabbi.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: Like, I think I got what it takes.
19:45
SPEAKER_01: And we were like, she's like, You're so full of shit.
19:47
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, no, I'm I was like, I'm not trying to poke fun.
19:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I could get down with what because they were just, I mean, the the show depicts just you know Jewish faith about just doing the right thing, being nice, serving others.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I I I'm accepting of that, you know.
20:01
SPEAKER_01: So it's interesting about like, you know, like my kids, they we've never gone to church, but my son, as he's in college, he's he's doing like youth group now.
20:09
SPEAKER_01: That's great.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: My daughter's got she got involved with FCA at one point.
20:13
SPEAKER_02: You know, so that's just wonderful.
20:15
SPEAKER_02: Like, because at the end of the day, nobody knows what's on the other side of this physical world.
20:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and like nobody nobody knows if it does exist or if it doesn't.
20:24
SPEAKER_02: Well, it's faith.
20:25
SPEAKER_02: It all comes down to faith.
20:28
SPEAKER_02: And um, I mean, I I look back over the last few thousand years of history, and you know, faith has really has in many ways carried that torch of of that selfless nature of praying for other people and keeping that in mind.
20:41
SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, we live very different lives today than even a hundred years ago, where it was really a concern if you're gonna be able to put food on the table and if you're going to have shelter, these things that we just completely take for granted.
20:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, so I think I think, especially in those times when things get really difficult, faith has been really good for me to be able to ground me still in serving others when there's so much that I lack in my discomfort.
21:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:08
SPEAKER_02: So that community is great.
21:10
SPEAKER_02: I'm really happy to hear that your kids are doing that.
21:11
SPEAKER_02: That really that helped me a lot at Cal to just be surrounded by people who were pushing for those same things.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's interesting that the the first role problems we have is is hey, Wi-Fi is not quite where we want it.
21:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's end of the world.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, there's there's um talk to me about what mom and dad did for jobs.
21:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so they're both in sales, um, pharmaceutical sales specifically.
21:34
SPEAKER_02: So my dad on the kind of the manager side of things, mom rep, you know, in doctor's office um with with pharmaceutical sales.
21:41
SPEAKER_02: So it was really great going up.
21:42
SPEAKER_02: And I if I didn't have this injury, that would maybe be something I pushed for just because of the flexibility of the role was really wonderful.
21:49
SPEAKER_02: And uh they were they were just so involved in everything that I did.
21:52
SPEAKER_02: I mean, my dad coached me in every single sport I participated, other than rugby, because he's like, What the heck is rugby?
21:58
SPEAKER_02: I can't help you there, I'm sorry.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: Um, and my mom just picking us up from school every single day and driving us there and making our lunch and just being so active in our lives.
22:07
SPEAKER_02: It was a really good career for that.
22:10
SPEAKER_02: Very cool.
22:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
22:11
SPEAKER_01: And so, like now, you're the work you're doing is speaking, but what we'll we'll talk about at the end.
22:15
SPEAKER_01: But I I want to transition um to May 6th.
22:20
SPEAKER_01: And um maybe talk talk through for people like a little bit what you remember, remember about that day and and um maybe the the impact it had on you and also your parents when when that day happened.
22:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
22:34
SPEAKER_02: What a big day.
22:35
SPEAKER_02: The biggest day of my life.
22:37
SPEAKER_02: I sure hope it doesn't get topped because it was a lot.
22:41
SPEAKER_02: So I go over to Cal, I'm playing rugby, I am on cloud nine.
22:47
SPEAKER_02: Now, like I said, we were competing for a 32nd national championship in 40 years.
22:52
SPEAKER_02: Since then, we have 34 national championships in 45 years.
22:56
SPEAKER_02: So you can look at any sports team at any level in America.
23:01
SPEAKER_02: I think the only team that has more hardware than us is the Harlem Globetrotters.
23:05
SPEAKER_02: So their games are rigged, our games are real.
23:08
SPEAKER_02: We're not playing the Washington Generals every week.
23:10
SPEAKER_02: This is real.
23:11
SPEAKER_02: We're doing pretty great.
23:12
SPEAKER_02: So here I am.
23:13
SPEAKER_02: I find the sport of rugby when I'm over at Jesuit High School.
23:16
SPEAKER_02: And like I said, the winningest high school rugby program in America.
23:19
SPEAKER_02: You walk around and people are throwing a rugby ball around at lunch, and they got their short shorts in their backpack.
23:24
SPEAKER_02: It's this totally different culture.
23:26
SPEAKER_02: I just fell in love with this game.
23:29
SPEAKER_02: I always had a knack for contact.
23:31
SPEAKER_02: So I thought that football would be my thing.
23:33
SPEAKER_02: And I just I remember my goal growing up when I was like 10 playing junior Pee Wees was I want to be on TV, like so bad.
23:39
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I don't want to play for that D1 school and you know, and do all that.
23:43
SPEAKER_02: Um, but then I find the sport of rugby and I'm really good at it.
23:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm like one of the best in the nation at my position.
23:51
SPEAKER_02: I get MVP, my first year playing, captain the team that year, adversity team won the national championship that year.
23:58
SPEAKER_02: Uh, I mean, I like this this nature of the game where you have your game plan, but it's up to you to enact it.
24:05
SPEAKER_02: And it's very fluid.
24:07
SPEAKER_02: So those are some differences from football that I appreciated.
24:10
SPEAKER_02: I actually appreciated the lack of pads too.
24:12
SPEAKER_02: And once you learn how to safely go into contact without pads, I was by the end of the football season, I was like, get this stuff off of me.
24:19
SPEAKER_02: This is too much.
24:20
SPEAKER_02: I just I want to like be mono a mono, right in the thick of it.
24:23
SPEAKER_02: Um, so I just fell in love with this game.
24:25
SPEAKER_02: And then it was a very natural pipeline from Sacramento to Berkeley to go play for the Calmans rugby program.
24:32
SPEAKER_02: So, right initially when I started playing, you know, I that was my dream.
24:36
SPEAKER_02: That was my goal to go over to Berkeley and win national championships for the Golden Bears.
24:41
SPEAKER_02: So, my freshman year, you know, I'm doing my time.
24:44
SPEAKER_02: Everyone comes in and you went from like that big fish in the pond to you just got through thrown in the ocean.
24:50
SPEAKER_02: There's great whites around, there's whales everywhere.
24:54
SPEAKER_02: You really got to grow and develop.
24:55
SPEAKER_02: And I'm playing the lock position, which is kind of like a tight end equivalent to football.
25:00
SPEAKER_02: Taller, bigger guys, good in contact, but you got to have some good hands too.
25:05
SPEAKER_02: You got to be able to finesse the ball around a little bit.
25:08
SPEAKER_02: Um, so my freshman year, I do my time, and then my sophomore year, this position that I'm playing kind of opens up.
25:14
SPEAKER_02: And there were some upperclassmen who were also doing their time and really developed, but I decided I'm gonna go all in on this.
25:21
SPEAKER_02: And I remember that's that summer.
25:23
SPEAKER_02: Um I'm doing hill sprints and the 110-degree heat over here in Sacramento.
25:27
SPEAKER_02: We're hitting the weight room really hard, and I got this starting spot as a sophomore, not an easy or common thing to do.
25:34
SPEAKER_02: So you got that.
25:35
SPEAKER_02: I'm at the number one public university in the world going for my business degree.
25:38
SPEAKER_02: Like things are going my way.
25:41
SPEAKER_02: And it looks like we're gonna win this game, too.
25:43
SPEAKER_02: We're playing Arkansas State.
25:45
SPEAKER_02: Now, I'm not an American rugby historian, but I don't think they've ever won a national championship.
25:50
SPEAKER_02: I think they competed for one a few years before that and they lost.
25:53
SPEAKER_02: And we're going for number 32.
25:55
SPEAKER_02: We felt really confident going into this game.
25:58
SPEAKER_02: So I just remember everything.
26:00
SPEAKER_02: I remember waking up and I got the butterflies in my stomach, and I wake up way before my alarm and I'm saying my prayers.
26:06
SPEAKER_02: I'm thinking about this game.
26:08
SPEAKER_02: I get dressed.
26:09
SPEAKER_02: It was unknowingly to me the last time I would get dressed so easily.
26:14
SPEAKER_02: We go down and we have our pregame meeting.
26:17
SPEAKER_02: Not lighting our hair on fire, not this raw, rah pump up session.
26:21
SPEAKER_02: Very cool, very collected.
26:22
SPEAKER_02: Been there, done that approach because that's what it was for us.
26:26
SPEAKER_02: Locker room, very intense.
26:28
SPEAKER_02: Um, we were all kind of seated in a circle.
26:31
SPEAKER_02: We had a trash bin in the middle of the room, guys throwing up in there, uh, just really feeling those nerves.
26:37
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's a national championship.
26:38
SPEAKER_02: It's it's televised nationally on NBC Sports.
26:41
SPEAKER_02: We got a few thousand people in the stands.
26:43
SPEAKER_02: See, they're rooting us on.
26:45
SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, the two that I'm really looking for, coming back to your question, is my parents, my mom and my dad.
26:51
SPEAKER_02: Um, they were so darn proud of me for really making my dreams happen and not just competing for this team and going to this great school, but starting and going for a national championship so young.
27:04
SPEAKER_02: There was so much potential there.
27:05
SPEAKER_02: So we had my we had my aunt and my uncle and my my uh some family friends there just all rooting me on.
27:12
SPEAKER_02: But when I was doing my warm-ups, you know, I'm looking up in the stands and I'm trying to find my parents.
27:17
SPEAKER_02: So we have the national anthem, we win the coin toss, we kick the ball off, and then like a minute into the game, they commit a penalty.
27:24
SPEAKER_02: So we do what's called kicking it into touch, we kick the ball out of bounds, and where the ball goes out of bounds, we have an inbounds from there.
27:31
SPEAKER_02: It's called a line out.
27:33
SPEAKER_02: And we lift a guy up into the air, he catches the ball, and then I bind up, we form a mall, which is when the bigger guys group up in a single unit and we start pushing to advance the ball.
27:43
SPEAKER_02: It's kind of like in football how when a running back gets stood up, the linemen move the pile.
27:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we're just really organized about it.
27:49
SPEAKER_02: It's like a sequenced play.
27:51
SPEAKER_02: So this is my moment.
27:52
SPEAKER_02: It hits the boiler room.
27:54
SPEAKER_02: I'm 6'5, 245.
27:56
SPEAKER_02: I'm on the field to move people.
27:58
SPEAKER_02: We're five meters out from scoring.
28:00
SPEAKER_02: I'm like drooling here on the field, thing, let's go, Rob, drive it in.
28:03
SPEAKER_02: But then as I do that, the opposing players, they're making these illegal moves, the referee's not calling anything.
28:09
SPEAKER_02: So, first, a player enters in from the side, which is illegal in a mall, and then he binds my head in a headlock.
28:17
SPEAKER_02: So he's got my chin pinned down to my chest.
28:20
SPEAKER_02: And rugby, that is an automatic yellow or red card.
28:23
SPEAKER_02: If you do that, you're gone from the game.
28:25
SPEAKER_02: There's no questions asked.
28:26
SPEAKER_02: But the ref's not calling anything.
28:28
SPEAKER_02: And two more players come in from the side.
28:30
SPEAKER_02: So we're getting a lot of that side pressure in the mall here when we should just be pushing straight forward.
28:36
SPEAKER_02: And I'm thinking, as an athlete, there's only really a couple different courses of action you can take.
28:40
SPEAKER_02: And one is you just stand up and you throw your arms out to the side and say, Hey, ref, what's going on?
28:45
SPEAKER_02: Are you gonna call it?
28:46
SPEAKER_02: Or you just keep moving forward.
28:48
SPEAKER_02: Now, throwing my hands up to the side wasn't my playstyle.
28:51
SPEAKER_02: I was always just, I'm gonna keep my legs pumping, and that's what I chose.
28:54
SPEAKER_02: So as I do that, another player chops me down by my legs.
28:58
SPEAKER_02: So I start falling down, and this guy who has me in this arm lock continues to improve his bind.
29:03
SPEAKER_02: He's dragging me down by my head.
29:06
SPEAKER_02: I remember I just close my eyes, I grip my teeth, I feel this god-awful crunch in my neck, my forehead slams against my chest, literally, nose into my sternum.
29:16
SPEAKER_02: It gets pinned there, I snap my neck and then just poof.
29:21
SPEAKER_02: Can't move anything, can't feel anything.
29:24
SPEAKER_02: Totally clear and conscious.
29:26
SPEAKER_02: I didn't lose consciousness for a second, but I'm lying there, pins and needles buzzing throughout my entire body from about the collarbone down, and I'm thinking, I just got thrust into my worst nightmare, and I'm never going to wake up.
29:45
SPEAKER_02: I immediately knew what happened.
29:47
SPEAKER_02: I knew that I broke my neck, I knew that I was paralyzed, it was a spinal cord injury, and I knew that these injuries are catastrophic and they're chronic.
29:55
SPEAKER_02: I thought back to um a Rutgers football player, Eric Legrand.
29:58
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you've ever heard of Eric's story.
30:00
SPEAKER_02: He was a special teams guy for Rutgers, went into contact, broke his neck.
30:05
SPEAKER_02: Eric has the spirit of a warrior.
30:07
SPEAKER_02: He's an amazing human being, but he is significantly paralyzed.
30:12
SPEAKER_02: It was a really big deal for him to be able to breathe on his own one day.
30:16
SPEAKER_02: And I was thinking, my life might just be done.
30:20
SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm 20 years old, everything's in front of me.
30:23
SPEAKER_02: And I kind of saw this future where I'm gonna be in a wheelchair, you know, maybe I'll get rolled out onto the patio so I can feel the sun on my skin.
30:32
SPEAKER_02: Probably won't even feel it on most of my body, actually.
30:35
SPEAKER_02: I'll get put inside, just binge watch TV shows forever.
30:40
SPEAKER_02: My mom's gonna spoon feed me.
30:42
SPEAKER_02: One day she'll die, and then I'll have a caretaker just sort of keeping me alive in this meaningless life that just barely feels worth living.
30:53
SPEAKER_02: This is all just playing out in seconds in my mind.
30:57
SPEAKER_02: They didn't even stop the play.
30:58
SPEAKER_02: The referee said play on.
31:00
SPEAKER_02: So I'm lying there screaming, and the medical staff is creating kind of a barrier around me so that nobody falls on me.
31:07
SPEAKER_02: It was complete negligence, horrible move on the referee's part.
31:11
SPEAKER_02: If someone could have landed on me, I probably would have died.
31:13
SPEAKER_02: So thank goodness that didn't happen.
31:15
SPEAKER_02: Eventually we score on them, it causes a natural stoppage of play, and they're doing, you know, all their tests.
31:21
SPEAKER_02: Robert, can you feel this?
31:22
SPEAKER_02: Can you move anything?
31:23
SPEAKER_02: I literally couldn't do anything.
31:25
SPEAKER_02: There was nothing I could do.
31:27
SPEAKER_02: And then my parents come out onto the field.
31:30
SPEAKER_02: And I remember my dad drops to his knees and he grabs my right hand, and I couldn't feel it.
31:38
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't help but think back to um there's like home videos and a picture of like when I was a little baby.
31:46
SPEAKER_02: And uh, and like, you know, he'd put his finger in my hand and I'd grab it.
31:50
SPEAKER_02: And here I was 20 years later, essentially on my deathbed.
31:56
SPEAKER_02: And uh my mom behind me, and she was like, We will never leave you.
32:01
SPEAKER_02: We are always here for you.
32:03
SPEAKER_02: And I just sat there in my tears.
32:05
SPEAKER_02: The only thing I could say was, I love you more than anything in the world.
32:10
SPEAKER_02: So I get stretchered off the field, they put me over to the hospital, cut my jersey off, uh, x-ray, CT scan, MRI, my doctor comes back, he's got a really bad look on his face, and he says, Robert, your injury is bad.
32:24
SPEAKER_02: It's really bad.
32:26
SPEAKER_02: And the reality is you'll never walk again, you'll never move your hands, and we're gonna do our best so that one day you can do something like pick up a piece of pizza and bring it to your face.
32:35
SPEAKER_02: And if you can just feed yourself, you beat all the odds.
32:39
SPEAKER_02: And then he recommends spinal fusion surgery to me.
32:42
SPEAKER_02: So he explains that the disc in between my C5 and C6 vertebrae ruptured into my spinal cord, and I also had fracturing on the C5 and the C6 vertebrae.
32:50
SPEAKER_02: So the damage that was done to my spinal cord might just continue to increase unless we permanently fuse those vertebrae together with the spinal fusion surgery.
33:00
SPEAKER_02: He said it was my best chance at having a recovery, but it was a potentially life-threatening surgery, and I had one hour to make a choice.
33:08
SPEAKER_02: So, like I said, my faith is very important to me.
33:11
SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm Catholic and I wanted to get my last rites.
33:14
SPEAKER_02: I was literally thinking, if I'm gonna die, I'm going to very clearly invite God into this journey so that if I die, my soul is cleansed for heaven here.
33:24
SPEAKER_02: I'm clearly getting ready for this next step on this day.
33:27
SPEAKER_02: Or if I live, I've really united this journey with that higher power.
33:31
SPEAKER_02: This is what's going on in my mind, and that's the only thing I want to accomplish.
33:35
SPEAKER_02: So I call my spiritual director to get a priest in the room, and he says he will, but he gives me this piece of advice before he hangs up the phone that just changed everything for me, and it gave me so much power in this powerless situation.
33:48
SPEAKER_02: And he said, Robert, throughout this journey, there's gonna be so much that you can't control, but the one thing you'll always have control over is your mindset.
33:56
SPEAKER_02: So your positivity, your ambition, your willingness to wake up every day and fight this is up to you.
34:03
SPEAKER_02: And this injury can't take that away from you.
34:05
SPEAKER_02: So I got to think of that moment.
34:07
SPEAKER_02: I was at my lowest and I barely had anything.
34:10
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't move my body.
34:12
SPEAKER_02: I didn't have some doctors saying that everything was going to be okay, and I had no odds on my side, but I still had this decision to keep moving forward, to embrace the challenge and attack the challenge.
34:25
SPEAKER_02: And if I can do it then in that hospital bed, I firmly believe that all of us can do that in any moment of our lives.
34:31
SPEAKER_02: We have the ability to respond in a way that makes us better.
34:35
SPEAKER_02: It never escapes us as long as we have breath and our lungs.
34:39
SPEAKER_02: And that's when I made that choice that I'm not gonna let this thing beat me.
34:44
SPEAKER_02: I don't care what my body responds to.
34:46
SPEAKER_02: I'm just going to give absolutely everything I can give to get everything I can out of this recovery.
34:52
SPEAKER_02: And if there's a 1% chance that I'm gonna move my body again, then I need to be in the top 1% of workers.
34:59
SPEAKER_02: There just is no in between.
35:00
SPEAKER_02: So let the let the cards fall as they may, but I'm going to give everything that I have.
35:05
SPEAKER_02: So I went into that surgery.
35:07
SPEAKER_02: You know, the priest comes over into the room, my family all praise together, my brother included.
35:12
SPEAKER_02: I get rolled into the operating room.
35:14
SPEAKER_02: They put the anesthesia mask over my face and say, count down from 100.
35:18
SPEAKER_02: I think I made it to 97.
35:19
SPEAKER_02: It was lights out.
35:21
SPEAKER_02: That concluded the day for me.
35:23
SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, my name is Blaise Bissell, and I hope you're enjoying today's episode of the Quarterback Dadcast.
35:31
SPEAKER_00: In case you're wondering, I'm a fellow dad and also the president of Kelly Mitchell.
35:37
SPEAKER_00: Kelly Mitchell is an employee-owned technology solutions firm, and we help organizations solve complex business challenges.
35:44
SPEAKER_00: I think at the end of the day, we're we're focused on our team doing work that matters for our clients.
35:49
SPEAKER_00: And that's because the way you show up matters, the way you treat people, clients, teammates, really everyone.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: That shapes the experience and the results that follow.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: I think similarly, Casey has had a real impact on our team internally at Kelly Mitchell.
36:05
SPEAKER_00: He spent time with us most recently in St.
36:08
SPEAKER_00: Louis with our sales team.
36:09
SPEAKER_00: And while he was there, he asked a question that really stuck with me.
36:12
SPEAKER_00: And that was do you believe that what you do matters?
36:16
SPEAKER_00: That question stayed with us.
36:18
SPEAKER_00: It's changed how we approach our day-to-day, how we prepare, how we communicate, and ultimately how we follow through.
36:25
SPEAKER_00: That's why the experience Casey brings to his customers has made such an impact.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: Because whether when people believe their work matters, everything works better across the team with our clients and definitely in results.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: So we appreciate you, Casey.
36:40
SPEAKER_00: And now back to the podcast.
36:43
SPEAKER_01: So what as you as you reflect back, I'm curious, like what tell me, what was the the tipping point in your mindset to say?
36:50
SPEAKER_01: Because as he's that that was like, have you heard the book Slide Edge?
36:53
SPEAKER_01: I haven't.
36:53
SPEAKER_01: It's a great book by uh Jeff Olson.
36:55
SPEAKER_01: So you had a slide edge moment right there.
36:57
SPEAKER_01: You could have said, screw you, spiritual guy.
36:59
SPEAKER_01: What are you talking about?
37:00
SPEAKER_01: F you, like my, you know, but you didn't.
37:04
SPEAKER_01: You made the choice.
37:05
SPEAKER_01: Like, where do you think that came from to just be open-minded to like, you know what?
37:09
SPEAKER_01: He's right.
37:09
SPEAKER_01: I do have a choice.
37:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
37:11
SPEAKER_02: It was, it was my foundation as an athlete, I think was so much of that.
37:15
SPEAKER_02: And and my faith too.
37:16
SPEAKER_02: But I'll start with athletics.
37:18
SPEAKER_02: You know, to be able to win all those national championships, you got to be really dialed in as a team.
37:23
SPEAKER_02: And you every single person on that team has to have a really solid mindset.
37:28
SPEAKER_02: 34 national championships in 45 years doesn't just happen.
37:31
SPEAKER_02: That's earned year in and year out.
37:33
SPEAKER_02: So when it was like 10 minutes left in the game, you know, we're down and it's not really looking good.
37:38
SPEAKER_02: We didn't say, like, okay, boys, just pack up your toys.
37:41
SPEAKER_02: No, like you work harder.
37:42
SPEAKER_02: That's when you double down, is when you're at your weakest.
37:45
SPEAKER_02: So it was that same mental approach that I am never out for the count.
37:50
SPEAKER_02: And I'm going to go for the best.
37:53
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to go for the top 1%.
37:56
SPEAKER_02: And then it comes back to that faith as well.
37:58
SPEAKER_02: Just like, you know, I have one life, one body.
38:01
SPEAKER_02: This is it.
38:02
SPEAKER_02: This is my gift.
38:03
SPEAKER_02: And I'm not going to spend it knowing that I quit and that I didn't give it everything that I had.
38:09
SPEAKER_02: So is that kind of two combinations of things?
38:11
SPEAKER_02: I'm used to doing hard stuff.
38:13
SPEAKER_02: I'm only inclined to go for the best through my athletic experience.
38:16
SPEAKER_02: But then further building upon that, this is all I've got.
38:19
SPEAKER_02: And you know what?
38:20
SPEAKER_02: I'm going to use it and I'm not going to have any regrets.
38:22
SPEAKER_02: So that combined with my spiritual director's advice of like, you got a choice right here to make.
38:27
SPEAKER_02: I thought, what, you know what?
38:28
SPEAKER_02: You're right.
38:29
SPEAKER_02: And I'm going to choose well.
38:30
SPEAKER_01: Do both your so shout out to you're making me think I'm a Seahawks guy.
38:35
SPEAKER_01: So Marsh on beast mode.
38:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:37
SPEAKER_01: So like you went into beast mode without, without a doubt.
38:40
SPEAKER_01: Your your parents, are they beast mode mindsets too?
38:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, very much.
38:45
SPEAKER_02: I mean, uh, like I that's just always what they taught me to do.
38:49
SPEAKER_02: And when things got tough, and then you know, we further see after that just the ways that they stepped up, just as I did.
38:55
SPEAKER_02: I mean, they went into beast mode.
38:57
SPEAKER_02: My mom slept on a chair by my bedside every night for two months.
39:00
SPEAKER_02: I mean, two months.
39:01
SPEAKER_02: She just slept there in a chair.
39:03
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
39:03
SPEAKER_02: And then my dad was over there just hounding insurance companies on the phone so I could get the best rehab possible.
39:09
SPEAKER_02: I mean, it was a fully united front in this rehab.
39:12
SPEAKER_02: We all stepped up when the challenge was made.
39:16
SPEAKER_01: So at what moment did you did you even think about, you know what?
39:20
SPEAKER_01: I might be able to be a dad one day.
39:22
SPEAKER_02: Huh.
39:23
SPEAKER_02: Gosh.
39:25
SPEAKER_02: Only until more recently, really.
39:27
SPEAKER_02: It was something that I was really worried about.
39:29
SPEAKER_02: Um, because when you have a spinal cord injury, your ability to have a biological child is very low.
39:35
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I mean, it can be years of treatments and consultations and tens of thousands of dollars spent.
39:42
SPEAKER_02: So that was another thing with my wife where I was thinking, like, is she willing to take that on too?
39:48
SPEAKER_02: That's a that's maybe the most significant sacrifice that you could be taking on going into the situation with me.
39:55
SPEAKER_02: Um, but we took it on, you know, in faith and just accepting God's will for us, but doing everything we could.
40:01
SPEAKER_02: So it was really, you know, it was right before I got married that I started thinking, like, I could be potentially just racked with this guilt that I wasn't able to provide a child for my wife.
40:14
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, it's not funny how it all worked out.
40:17
SPEAKER_02: We we were thinking, like, okay, maybe like in our early 30s, we'll start like, you know, trying to have a kid.
40:22
SPEAKER_02: But we were like, this might take a really long time.
40:24
SPEAKER_02: We should probably start earlier than we really anticipated it, you know, getting the apps and all the tracking and stuff like that, really being intentional about trying to conceive a child.
40:33
SPEAKER_02: Literally, the first time we tracked everything up, we got a positive test.
40:38
SPEAKER_01: You went beast mode again.
40:39
SPEAKER_02: We went beast mode again.
40:41
SPEAKER_02: That's right.
40:41
SPEAKER_02: That's it.
40:42
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I was I was in shock when I saw that positive test.
40:45
SPEAKER_02: I was like, 99% accurate, you know, is that 1%?
40:49
SPEAKER_02: Like, go get a blood test.
40:51
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm not even gonna allow myself to feel that rush of emotion until I really know this is real.
40:57
SPEAKER_02: Because for eight years, I was just told, like, you can have cautious optimism, but strong emphasis on the caution.
41:04
SPEAKER_02: I mean, the odds are are really against you here.
41:06
SPEAKER_02: So to have this miracle child in our lives is just it's amazing.
41:10
SPEAKER_02: And it's the best gift I've ever received.
41:12
SPEAKER_01: I mean, what a story.
41:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, and and I hope I hope that people have a page full of notes at home like like I do, and goosebumps in their body as they as I hear you speak.
41:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, and you know, it's funny uh watching my daughter uh tear her ACL was one of the worst things I've ever had to watch.
41:30
SPEAKER_01: Um and I remember going down and I felt this like helplessness and it like I had PTSD with my injury in high school, and then it uh I was down there with next to her, and just the feeling of looking at her and and you know, like this.
41:45
SPEAKER_01: I but I can't even imagine what your mom and dad went through.
41:48
SPEAKER_01: I know it yeah, I now I have like dude, chill it's an ACL, man.
41:52
SPEAKER_01: She'll be good in a year.
41:53
SPEAKER_01: Like your mom and dad uh are um what amazing humans, and you can see, I mean, everybody you can't see Robert I can't, it's an audio-only podcast, but the look in his eyes of intent love for them and gratitude and the gratitude for his wife is like so inspiring.
42:07
SPEAKER_01: And because like the you know, we all we all get 1440 minutes a day.
42:12
SPEAKER_01: No one gets more, no one gets less.
42:14
SPEAKER_01: And if you're if you're someone at home, a dad, you're saying, Man, I I I want to start doing that, I don't have time.
42:19
SPEAKER_01: Well, then do it.
42:21
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
42:22
SPEAKER_01: I mean, look at Robert, is you're a freaking beast.
42:25
SPEAKER_01: You're a the stories, and your son is uh what a gift to have you as a dad, you know, and to have your story.
42:33
SPEAKER_01: And um as as you think about now that you're well in into the fraternity of fatherhood.
42:39
SPEAKER_01: Um what are the what are the things that are as you think through your life so far that you want to teach him that are most important to you?
42:47
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, I want I want him to have strong faith as well because that has carried me through my lowest moments.
42:52
SPEAKER_02: And uh no matter what happens to him in his life, I know if I give him that, that he'll be able to endure not just getting by, but really thriving and finding meaning in the suffering.
43:05
SPEAKER_02: Um, so that that's that's big.
43:08
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I want I something that's really been going through my mind the last couple days is just I want to be, I want to be the man now that my son that I want my son to be.
43:19
SPEAKER_02: I want to be the man that I want my son to be.
43:21
SPEAKER_02: You know, so that means like I want to wake up and I don't want to spend 20 or 30 minutes doom scrolling on my phone because I don't want my son to be doing that.
43:30
SPEAKER_02: I want him to wake up with intentionality.
43:32
SPEAKER_02: I want him to live a really intentional life.
43:34
SPEAKER_02: You know, I want to live with strong routine because I want him to live with strong routine and not to just like accomplish things willy nilly.
43:43
SPEAKER_02: Ah, I got some time here, I can get after it.
43:45
SPEAKER_02: No, like like have a plan, make a plan and be accountable to that plan.
43:50
SPEAKER_02: I you know, I I want him to love his wife one day very well.
43:54
SPEAKER_02: So I want to show the example of what does an amazing husband look like?
43:58
SPEAKER_02: Um, I want him to work hard.
43:59
SPEAKER_02: So I I want to think like, what does an amazing provider look like that?
44:03
SPEAKER_02: Making sure that I'm giving up and giving an intentional effort, even when there aren't people kind of breathing down my neck expecting me to do that.
44:10
SPEAKER_02: I should expect that from myself.
44:12
SPEAKER_02: So I think to summarize it all, I want to have a strong faith.
44:15
SPEAKER_02: I want to be very self-motivated.
44:16
SPEAKER_02: I want him to be loving.
44:18
SPEAKER_02: I want everyone to think of little Robert over there and think uh he's just an amazing human being for all those people, kind of like the advice that my dad gave me.
44:27
SPEAKER_01: So good.
44:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:28
SPEAKER_01: What is uh how are how are mom and dad enjoying being grandma grandpa?
44:31
SPEAKER_02: They're loving it.
44:32
SPEAKER_02: They're loving it.
44:33
SPEAKER_02: So it's the first grandkid on both sides, like I said, super spoiled kid there.
44:38
SPEAKER_02: Um, I mean, they're just it's it's a dream for everyone.
44:41
SPEAKER_02: And I think it's really shown parenting has shown me a lot about like what they've gone through and the love that they have for me.
44:49
SPEAKER_02: I can I can finally understand it now, being experiencing that myself.
44:54
SPEAKER_02: So it's also really cool to see them kind of go through those exciting newborn stages again here um through this different lens of grandparenting.
45:02
SPEAKER_02: It's been really special, but they're just over the moon.
45:04
SPEAKER_02: It's amazing.
45:06
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
45:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, I know it's only been a few months, but tell me, tell me what has fatherhood taught you, and then tell me what's father, what's surprised you about fatherhood.
45:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
45:15
SPEAKER_02: So um one thing it that um it's taught me is like life's not about me anymore in any way.
45:24
SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm not the priority.
45:27
SPEAKER_02: And so I've I've had to step up in a lot of ways with with my injury.
45:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, there's a lot of things that my wife typically would be able to do and just fully support uh me with that now I need to pick up some slack for and do myself because we've got a child who's the number one priority here.
45:44
SPEAKER_02: So I think that's been maybe my biggest learning experience is just really realizing like nothing's about me anymore.
45:51
SPEAKER_02: I'm in a support position here, serving this greater purpose and this greater life that's been given to us.
45:58
SPEAKER_02: So big teaching moment right there.
46:00
SPEAKER_02: And then this the surprise is kind of what I opened up with what I'm most grateful for is just that pure joy and satisfaction in the little things in life.
46:10
SPEAKER_02: And you know that's something that I think my injury really taught me as well to not take things for granted.
46:16
SPEAKER_02: Um, and I'm really trying to soak all this up because I know this this phase of having a little baby goes by so fast.
46:23
SPEAKER_02: And uh I want to appreciate all that.
46:25
SPEAKER_02: You know, there's this saying that you don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore.
46:30
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
46:30
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's a horrible way to live when you think about it.
46:34
SPEAKER_02: Why should we wait to lose something before we start showing appreciation for it?
46:40
SPEAKER_02: So even when I'm having those those moments where I'm trying to feed him a bottle and he's just screaming, he's not feeling it.
46:46
SPEAKER_02: You know, I could get all frustrated and I just want to get over this.
46:50
SPEAKER_02: Or I could just like just kind of kick back, take a mental image and be like, you know what?
46:54
SPEAKER_02: I'm so lucky to be here holding my child, even if he's all mad and screaming and stuff like that.
47:00
SPEAKER_02: It's these little moments um that I want to appreciate while I still have them.
47:04
SPEAKER_02: So that's something that surprised me.
47:06
SPEAKER_02: I uh and in in the best way, just that appreciation for these small things.
47:11
SPEAKER_01: Um tell me, do you think your mental toughness will even go to another level now as a dad?
47:15
SPEAKER_02: I think so.
47:16
SPEAKER_02: I think so because I'm just continuing to um let go of satisfaction and success for my own personal success, it's really rooted in something bigger than myself.
47:27
SPEAKER_02: And I think when you're fighting for something other than just your own success and motivation, you are gonna be so much more resilient because you have that accountability that you're working towards.
47:37
SPEAKER_02: If all we're answering to is ourselves, it's gonna be a lot easier to make those excuses to not show up when we know that we should.
47:44
SPEAKER_02: But when you know that there's someone counting on you, especially a child, I mean, it'll really elevate your mental toughness.
47:50
SPEAKER_02: And uh, I mean, I've already certainly noticed that in my life and just the intentional effort I give every day.
47:56
SPEAKER_02: I think that'll just continue to expand as I as I learn more and act on it.
48:01
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think your beast mode mentality, your mama mentality, shout out to Kobe, rest in peace.
48:06
SPEAKER_01: Um, is uh just hearing you say, like, hey, I gotta step up.
48:10
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, it's so easy to be someone could be in your situation and say, Well, I can't.
48:15
SPEAKER_01: And that's not, I mean, I don't I don't know you at all.
48:17
SPEAKER_01: I've spent 50 minutes with you almost.
48:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
48:19
SPEAKER_01: That's not you.
48:20
SPEAKER_01: You're you're and so like I teach these.
48:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, I kind of came up with this in my like the work I do as a like a speaker and coach for people.
48:26
SPEAKER_01: I was like, which I didn't mean to do.
48:28
SPEAKER_01: It's funny how this thing found me, Robert.
48:30
SPEAKER_01: But like, yeah, I don't like anxiety-based language.
48:34
SPEAKER_01: And I mean what I mean by is that is need to's, should do's, have-to's, want-to's, and can't.
48:38
SPEAKER_01: Like that, I don't even that zero room in my mind for that.
48:42
SPEAKER_01: What I have room for either either I will or I won't.
48:45
SPEAKER_01: And like you're walking the walk of this mindset.
48:47
SPEAKER_01: And um I just think it's so like again, because stories is what I think we as humans can attach ourselves to to help change a perspective or change a habit or change an outcome or to or how we do whatever we do.
49:01
SPEAKER_01: And I want to do everything I can to get your story out there, brother, because like you're gonna you're gonna help a lot of people.
49:07
SPEAKER_01: And um, I can tell it's a passion of yours.
49:10
SPEAKER_01: And um shoot, maybe, maybe no, maybe a little young Robert, 18, 20 years from now, maybe he's gonna be like your social media marketing guy.
49:18
SPEAKER_01: Like maybe he's like you're traveling the world with you.
49:20
SPEAKER_02: And I know that's my goal.
49:22
SPEAKER_02: I want him to just surpass everything that I do too.
49:25
SPEAKER_02: I just want I want to lay a foundation here that he can bring and achieve things that I couldn't even dream of.
49:31
SPEAKER_02: That's that's my goal for him.
49:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, so you you have a book um Paralyzed to Powerful.
49:38
SPEAKER_01: Um, what walk us through like when did that so the injury happens, May 6th, 2017?
49:43
SPEAKER_01: Like when did things like really start getting clear?
49:47
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know what?
49:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go write a book, and I'm gonna go share my message and impact others.
49:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it was such a progression because you know, I have my injury, I can't move anything.
49:57
SPEAKER_02: And in the beginning, I was just fighting for my life.
49:59
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I couldn't even breathe, I couldn't eat anything.
50:01
SPEAKER_02: I lost 60 pounds in that first month.
50:04
SPEAKER_02: And my doctors were telling me I might not survive.
50:06
SPEAKER_02: So, in order to get through that, my best friend's mom started up a GoFundMe campaign to help pay for these rehab expenses.
50:14
SPEAKER_02: As I'm sure you can imagine, breaking your neck is not a good financial decision.
50:17
SPEAKER_02: No, it's very expensive.
50:19
SPEAKER_02: We needed help.
50:21
SPEAKER_02: So we started this GoFundMe campaign, and you know, we're getting these donations that just changed my life.
50:26
SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't be what I'm doing today if it weren't for these people who gave that financial contribution.
50:31
SPEAKER_02: But then I'm seeing these messages just of love and belief and support.
50:37
SPEAKER_02: And because we got so much traction, we were like, we really need to keep sharing updates to like show people how their investment in me is really paying off in my life.
50:47
SPEAKER_02: So we're sharing these updates, and then the messages keep coming in.
50:50
SPEAKER_02: I'm talking really serious stuff.
50:52
SPEAKER_02: Like I have stage four cancer, and I'm measuring my time, not in years or months, but like weeks.
51:00
SPEAKER_02: And seeing you fight this, Robert, I'm getting help.
51:04
SPEAKER_02: I'm moving forward.
51:05
SPEAKER_02: Or people who are like, I just lost a son or a daughter.
51:08
SPEAKER_02: This is the most difficult thing I've ever been through.
51:10
SPEAKER_02: But I see you take on your challenge every day, and you're giving me belief in myself.
51:14
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
51:15
SPEAKER_02: I'm starting to see these seeds planted of this new meaning and this new purpose in my life by taking on my challenge and sharing that with others.
51:24
SPEAKER_02: So I eventually have this amazing physical recovery.
51:27
SPEAKER_02: I mean, here I am, nobody can see my body, but I'm talking like an Italian, moving my hands everywhere.
51:32
SPEAKER_02: I've had almost a full recovery in my upper body.
51:34
SPEAKER_02: I can walk 500 yards in my walker now.
51:37
SPEAKER_02: One yard would have been a miracle.
51:39
SPEAKER_02: 500 yards is just out of this world.
51:42
SPEAKER_02: It's it's amazing.
51:44
SPEAKER_02: And um, I went back to Cal with all this great physical progression and then go to get my degree.
51:50
SPEAKER_02: And there were people who would just be like, Robert, can you come speak to my class?
51:53
SPEAKER_02: You know, can you come speak to my sports team?
51:56
SPEAKER_02: You have this very visible challenge.
51:58
SPEAKER_02: People look at me and they can see I go through a lot, but we all have something that we're dealing with.
52:02
SPEAKER_02: It just lies in the inside.
52:04
SPEAKER_02: And so I started talking about overcoming what paralyzes us, not on that physical level, but on that mental and that emotional level, that fear that stops us from starting when we know we should, that burnout that just lets stop us in our tracks when we start building some momentum, that grief that makes it tough to move forward when a difficulty happens to us.
52:26
SPEAKER_02: I think all these examples are just as real and just as crippling, really, as any physical paralysis.
52:32
SPEAKER_02: So I started then and eventually decided this is one I want to do with my life.
52:37
SPEAKER_02: You know, I kind of turned down the full-time offer to go work at Intel, where I had done some internships and was really excited about just thinking there's so much, something so much more meaningful here, and really is the answer to all those why questions I've ever had going through this injury.
52:52
SPEAKER_02: This is the answer to that.
52:53
SPEAKER_02: And uh I graduated in 2020, great year.
52:58
SPEAKER_02: It's COVID.
52:59
SPEAKER_02: So I was thinking, okay, I've kind of built this foundation, but there's no events going on right now.
53:03
SPEAKER_02: I need to pivot here a little bit.
53:04
SPEAKER_02: So I thought this is a great time for me to start writing my book.
53:08
SPEAKER_02: And it was amazing.
53:09
SPEAKER_02: It was a very cathartic process, you know.
53:11
SPEAKER_02: And my motto was really no tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.
53:16
SPEAKER_02: I really need to go to that emotional place to be able to put people in that room just where I was and to feel it as I did.
53:24
SPEAKER_02: Um, so it was there was so much healing that came from that.
53:27
SPEAKER_02: But what's excited me most is how I didn't just focus on my story, I really focused on takeaways and principles that other people can take to be able to answer that question.
53:38
SPEAKER_02: What paralyzes you to be able to overcome that?
53:42
SPEAKER_02: So when people kind of send me messages, what I'm most excited to see is they'll say, I expected to just learn more about you, but what I really learned was more about myself.
53:53
SPEAKER_02: And I love that.
53:54
SPEAKER_02: So it's just been amazing to be able to share that purpose in the world.
53:57
SPEAKER_02: And I mean, I'll I'll never stop, I'll never retire.
54:00
SPEAKER_02: This is something I want to do for the rest of my life.
54:02
SPEAKER_01: What a gift.
54:03
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
54:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, and do you do a lot of virtual work too or just immediately in person?
54:06
SPEAKER_02: It's mostly in person.
54:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, mostly keynote style stuff, going in, sharing my story for an hour and just being able to connect with people on that way.
54:13
SPEAKER_02: And the book has been a wonderful way to just scale that to individuals all over the world as well.
54:18
SPEAKER_02: But that's the bread and butter now.
54:20
SPEAKER_02: That's what pays the bills.
54:21
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
54:22
SPEAKER_01: And I saw that you did a TED TEDx talk too.
54:24
SPEAKER_02: I did.
54:24
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
54:25
SPEAKER_02: Did it almost exactly a year ago in Berkeley.
54:27
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
54:28
SPEAKER_01: Talk about that experience and where people can find it.
54:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
54:31
SPEAKER_02: So it's right out there on YouTube.
54:32
SPEAKER_02: If you just look up Robert Paler, TEDx Berkeley, you'll definitely find it.
54:36
SPEAKER_02: I kind of have a monopoly on the name Robert Paler.
54:38
SPEAKER_02: So it's pretty, pretty easy to find that kind of that kind of stuff.
54:41
SPEAKER_02: But I mean, what what an amazing experience.
54:44
SPEAKER_02: One, it was so cool to be able to do it in Berkeley there on home turf.
54:48
SPEAKER_02: And really where this entire journey began and uh and where it and where I got so much significant progress in getting my degree and continuing my rehab.
54:57
SPEAKER_02: So that was really special, but a really wonderful way for me to be able to share this message at a greater scale as well.
55:04
SPEAKER_02: It's something that I was really excited about.
55:06
SPEAKER_01: You know, one question I just thought of.
55:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, you I want to go back to the the day the the the injury you talked about, you know, the the ref was acting like a moron, the the the guy's, you know, penalty.
55:19
SPEAKER_01: How long did it take you to like embrace forgiveness?
55:22
SPEAKER_02: It was a journey.
55:24
SPEAKER_02: So at first we didn't really know what had happened to me.
55:28
SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of contact points in these malls, so I didn't have perfect recollection of how everything went down in my own mind.
55:35
SPEAKER_02: And then the press box footage wasn't really great.
55:39
SPEAKER_02: It just looked like this pile goes to the ground.
55:41
SPEAKER_02: I don't get up.
55:42
SPEAKER_02: We didn't really know what happened.
55:44
SPEAKER_02: But in the days following, this evidence started to produce itself that what happened to me was clearly illegal.
55:51
SPEAKER_02: I was bound in a headlock and driven by my skull into the turf, definitively causing my injury.
55:58
SPEAKER_02: So I was sitting there in this hospital bed.
56:01
SPEAKER_02: I can't move anything, I can't feel anything, I can't eat, I have pneumonia and I can't cough.
56:07
SPEAKER_02: My doctors are telling me I might not survive.
56:10
SPEAKER_02: And it's not because I did something stupid.
56:13
SPEAKER_02: No, I was going out to achieve greatness in my life.
56:16
SPEAKER_02: And it wasn't even because of just an absolute fluke, just a misstiming of events.
56:20
SPEAKER_02: No, someone broke the laws of our game and did this to me.
56:24
SPEAKER_02: So I was filled with this rage that I just can't even describe.
56:29
SPEAKER_02: And it was just this fork in the road type moment where it's like I can really let that rage dictate the rest of my life.
56:36
SPEAKER_02: Maybe that'll be some kind of fuel to the fire of my motivation, or I can choose this path of forgiveness.
56:42
SPEAKER_02: And I just knew in my heart that's the way to go.
56:44
SPEAKER_02: Forgiveness is the way to go.
56:46
SPEAKER_02: I don't want to, but I need to.
56:49
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
56:49
SPEAKER_02: And I decided I'm just going to fake it till I make it.
56:53
SPEAKER_02: I'm just going to say I forgive this person, whether I really feel it or not.
56:58
SPEAKER_02: And as I stayed on that path of forgiveness, time was allowed to run its course.
57:04
SPEAKER_02: And my heart could start catching up to my mind to where I'll be honest, to where I could really fully feel it.
57:12
SPEAKER_02: Probably took like three years to me saying that I forgave this person, to where I was like, you know what?
57:17
SPEAKER_02: I don't even think about this guy at all.
57:20
SPEAKER_02: And I really do wish him well.
57:22
SPEAKER_02: I've I've achieved that in my life.
57:24
SPEAKER_02: But it was a journey, and I that's one of the most powerful messages I share, I think, is that journey of forgiveness.
57:30
SPEAKER_02: And it's it comes back to like that control your mindset type piece.
57:33
SPEAKER_02: Is that, yes, your thoughts do have a lot of influence over your actions, but when you decide to put mind over matter and make a decision, you can influence over time the way that your heart and your mind thinks, but you have to choose that forgiveness, I think, because it's not just about removing guilt from someone who did wrong.
57:52
SPEAKER_02: It's really about removing those negative attachments from the person who was wronged.
57:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
57:57
SPEAKER_02: In the most powerful way, forgiveness is really about ourselves.
58:01
SPEAKER_02: I think it's always the answer.
58:02
SPEAKER_02: That's another thing I really want to share with my child and you know, have have done my best and I think quite successfully lived out in my own life.
58:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I know forgiveness is is there's is a big faith component to that.
58:13
SPEAKER_01: And actually, I read a I read a book in my 30s um by a guy, I think his name is Richard Case, and it's the books have called forgiveness.
58:21
SPEAKER_01: And so forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two.
58:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
58:25
SPEAKER_01: And forgiveness, once I kind of learned the true meaning behind that, um it it definitely helped.
58:31
SPEAKER_01: And it's not easy, right?
58:32
SPEAKER_01: Because forgiveness sometimes, if you forgive this, whatever, whether it's the accounting department, the the guy that hit you, rented you.
58:40
SPEAKER_01: Um because if we hold on to it, we're self-sabotaging ourselves and just creating letting we're not letting that negative energy go.
58:47
SPEAKER_01: Doesn't mean you're gonna be best friends at people.
58:48
SPEAKER_01: You can put up boundaries and you can have like, okay, I forgive you, but we're done.
58:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna talk to you ever again.
58:52
SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
58:54
SPEAKER_01: And you wish them well.
58:55
SPEAKER_01: But um I I I think that's um again, you're why he's been on your years, brother.
59:01
SPEAKER_01: Um and uh um, you know, and and and hopefully that that gentleman, um, hopefully he's he forgave himself and can move on and learn from it and yeah.
59:13
SPEAKER_02: I hope.
59:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's never reached out to me.
59:15
SPEAKER_02: Um, he's never said he's sorry.
59:17
SPEAKER_02: Um, so unfortunately, I don't know what he's going through, but I really do forgive him whether he's sorry or not.
59:23
SPEAKER_02: And I like that you brought up forgiveness versus reconciliation because that's really important too.
59:27
SPEAKER_02: Um, one way that I'll kind of explain it to people who might might not understand, let's say you lend someone your car and you give them the keys, they take it out, and they crash your car.
59:38
SPEAKER_02: Now, forgiveness would be like, listen, man, I know you didn't mean to do that.
59:43
SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm not gonna hold it over you for the rest of your life.
59:45
SPEAKER_02: We're not, we're not gonna talk about it.
59:47
SPEAKER_02: Like, I forgive you.
59:48
SPEAKER_02: But if he says, like, hey, can I go borrow your new car?
59:52
SPEAKER_02: You don't have to say yes.
59:54
SPEAKER_02: You know, like that reconciliation would be like, sure, you know, nothing happened, but uh, that's not forgiveness.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_02: Think forgiveness is like this thing that happened in the past, we're gonna leave it in the past.
1:00:05
SPEAKER_02: But that doesn't mean you have to welcome them in.
1:00:07
SPEAKER_02: In fact, I think in many ways, that would not be the wise thing to do.
1:00:11
SPEAKER_02: You've received real-world evidence that this person might not be accountable in a situation like that.
1:00:16
SPEAKER_02: That's that reconciliation.
1:00:18
SPEAKER_02: We don't always have to go for that, but I think forgiveness is always the answer because it's just about us removing those negative attachments.
1:00:25
SPEAKER_02: But that's a really good point you bring up there.
1:00:27
SPEAKER_02: It's an important distinction.
1:00:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:00:29
SPEAKER_01: Well, and I mean, I think I think three years is still a gift that you gave yourself.
1:00:36
SPEAKER_01: And I think I think most people, um, I like the word uncommon that got taught to me in my early 40s, which is you know, I read a Tony Dungey book called Uncommon, but there's a mentor of mine named John Kaplan.
1:00:45
SPEAKER_01: He talked about the word uncommon.
1:00:47
SPEAKER_01: I think you you definitely have an uncommon approach mindset that I can will continue to inspire others.
1:00:52
SPEAKER_01: I think it'll be um again, ways that maybe you inspire your son.
1:00:56
SPEAKER_01: So um where I want to make it really easy, Robert, for people to find you.
1:01:01
SPEAKER_01: Uh tell me what's the best place people can learn more about you.
1:01:04
SPEAKER_01: They wanna, they're like, man, I gotta get this guy to speak.
1:01:06
SPEAKER_01: Screw you, Casey.
1:01:07
SPEAKER_01: This guy is way better than totally.
1:01:09
SPEAKER_02: So websites robertpaler.com, right over there.
1:01:12
SPEAKER_02: Uh, pretty comprehensive.
1:01:13
SPEAKER_02: It's got the book, it's got the speaking stuff, links to all my socials.
1:01:16
SPEAKER_02: Um, but if you do want to find me on social media, I post daily rehab videos of me getting after it.
1:01:22
SPEAKER_02: So around four o'clock Pacific today, I'll post a video of me up in my walker, day 3,209, making it count.
1:01:29
SPEAKER_02: So if you need that little boost of positivity in your life, I I think that you can find it there.
1:01:34
SPEAKER_02: And I like sharing it.
1:01:35
SPEAKER_02: But Instagram, Facebook, X, LinkedIn, TikTok, YouTube, all the above, Robert Paler.
1:01:41
SPEAKER_02: And uh, I I respond to basically every message that comes my way.
1:01:44
SPEAKER_02: I just really like being able to interact with people who support me, gives me a lot just as it gives to them.
1:01:50
SPEAKER_02: So uh it's a it's a really cool community we got going on.
1:01:53
SPEAKER_01: So good.
1:01:53
SPEAKER_01: I'll make sure this is linked in the show notes.
1:01:55
SPEAKER_01: Robert, it's now time to what I I talk about.
1:01:58
SPEAKER_01: Uh it's called the uh the lightning round.
1:02:00
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
1:02:00
SPEAKER_01: This is where I show you the negative hits for me of taking too many hits in college, not bong hits, but football hits as a quarterback.
1:02:06
SPEAKER_01: Your job is to answer these questions, hopefully, as quickly as you can.
1:02:09
SPEAKER_01: And my job is to try to get a giggle out of you.
1:02:11
SPEAKER_02: Let's do it.
1:02:12
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:02:13
SPEAKER_01: Um, your favorite comedy movie ever is Wedding Crashers.
1:02:19
SPEAKER_02: Oh, solid.
1:02:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's so good.
1:02:23
SPEAKER_01: I love the wedding crashers.
1:02:25
SPEAKER_02: People told me I look like Vince Vaughn too, which I don't know if it's a good idea.
1:02:28
SPEAKER_02: I could see that a little bit.
1:02:33
SPEAKER_01: Favorite genre of music that many people would not know you listen to.
1:02:37
SPEAKER_02: Oh, jazz.
1:02:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like I love like Frank Sinatra style jazz.
1:02:42
SPEAKER_02: And most people wouldn't think that being a rugby guy and all that, but I played in the band in high school and it gave me an appreciation for that kind of stuff.
1:02:48
SPEAKER_02: So jazz.
1:02:49
SPEAKER_01: True or false.
1:02:50
SPEAKER_01: Ron Burgundy learned how to play jazz flute from you.
1:02:53
SPEAKER_02: I wish I could say true.
1:02:55
SPEAKER_02: No, it's false.
1:02:56
SPEAKER_02: Unfortunately.
1:02:57
SPEAKER_01: Ron Burgundy is one of the best jazz flutists of all time, everybody.
1:03:00
SPEAKER_01: Good luck.
1:03:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, if you were to go on vacation right now, it's just you and your your wife.
1:03:06
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, little robber, you're gonna stay home with grandma, grandpa.
1:03:08
SPEAKER_01: Where are you taking, uh, where are you taking Carson?
1:03:10
SPEAKER_02: Oh man, Italy is number one on my list right now.
1:03:13
SPEAKER_02: Like, I want I think there's just so much history over there.
1:03:16
SPEAKER_02: Haven't gone to Europe that much, but Italy's on the top of my list, and I'll probably come back like 50 pounds heavier because I love all that pasta and pizza and that kind of stuff.
1:03:24
SPEAKER_01: Oh, it sounds delicious.
1:03:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:03:26
SPEAKER_01: Um, favorite book you've ever read?
1:03:28
SPEAKER_02: Seven Habits of Highly Affective People.
1:03:30
SPEAKER_02: It's such a masterclass and human performance.
1:03:33
SPEAKER_02: I try to go back to it regularly and was one of those things where I was like, that just totally speaks to everything I've lived in my life.
1:03:40
SPEAKER_02: It really reinforces it.
1:03:41
SPEAKER_01: Have you listened to it on tape?
1:03:43
SPEAKER_02: I have not.
1:03:44
SPEAKER_02: Is it good?
1:03:45
SPEAKER_01: So I I read it in college and I was too immature to read it in college.
1:03:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:03:49
SPEAKER_01: And then when I left corporate in 2020, no, 2019, I had a guy rematched to me again.
1:03:55
SPEAKER_01: I thought, you know what?
1:03:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm probably better.
1:03:57
SPEAKER_01: So I listened to it and it was like it was actually Covey reading it.
1:04:02
SPEAKER_03: Oh, good.
1:04:03
SPEAKER_01: It was amazing.
1:04:04
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
1:04:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:04:05
SPEAKER_01: It was amazing.
1:04:05
SPEAKER_01: I would highly recommend um looking for a good audible on a flight, or it's it's a great one.
1:04:11
SPEAKER_01: Um, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
1:04:16
SPEAKER_02: Never give up.
1:04:17
SPEAKER_02: I would love that.
1:04:18
SPEAKER_02: And like that's what I want to be remembered for is that effort that I put in.
1:04:22
SPEAKER_02: And uh, this world gave me a tough deck of cards, but I never quit and I never let it break me.
1:04:27
SPEAKER_02: So never feel like that.
1:04:30
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so now never give up.
1:04:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, this is gonna be like one of the best movies of all time.
1:04:34
SPEAKER_01: And you got Hulu, you got Netflix, you got all these freaking paramount, they're fighting for this thing.
1:04:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
1:04:40
SPEAKER_01: Well, whoever gets it, that we're gonna we're gonna figure it out.
1:04:42
SPEAKER_01: But you gotta be the casting director.
1:04:44
SPEAKER_01: Robert, I need to know who's gonna star the one only Robert Palin's critically acclaimed hit new movie, Never Give Up.
1:04:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I've thought about this.
1:04:51
SPEAKER_02: It's so funny.
1:04:51
SPEAKER_02: I keep telling people, Channing Tatum, and we're gonna we're gonna have him rip his shirt off, and he's gonna have the six-pack abs and everything.
1:04:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's that's what we keep going for.
1:05:01
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
1:05:01
SPEAKER_01: And then last and most important question, tell me two words that would describe Carson.
1:05:05
SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
1:05:07
SPEAKER_02: Um gosh, I wish I could just have three words and say best human ever.
1:05:13
SPEAKER_02: Um, like I would say, like, number one, loving.
1:05:17
SPEAKER_02: And think of that in the truest sense of the word, where um, you know, it's it's biblical.
1:05:23
SPEAKER_02: There is no greater love than this than to lay down one's life for one's friends.
1:05:27
SPEAKER_02: Um, she has done that in so many ways for my life.
1:05:30
SPEAKER_02: So that love, like she is so loving and uh and and beautiful in the truest sense of the world, too.
1:05:37
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think she is drop dead gorgeous.
1:05:39
SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm crazy about her.
1:05:41
SPEAKER_02: Um, but just the way that she interacts with people with such kindness and has been such a beautiful mother to our child, it's that love and that beauty, and just the fullest sense of those words that does maybe the best it can of encapsulating what an amazing person she is.
1:05:58
SPEAKER_01: So good, brother.
1:05:59
SPEAKER_01: Lighting your Over.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_01: We kind of got a giggle.
1:06:02
SPEAKER_01: But this was what a what a fantastic story.
1:06:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm grateful for you, Chris Mater, for making today's episode possible.
1:06:09
SPEAKER_01: Everybody, if this episode has impacted, I know it has.
1:06:12
SPEAKER_01: Share it with a friend.
1:06:14
SPEAKER_01: Share it on social.
1:06:15
SPEAKER_01: Let's get Robert's message out.
1:06:17
SPEAKER_01: If this impacted you as a dad, send us a message.
1:06:19
SPEAKER_01: Let us know how and why and and how you can use um how you can you use Robert's story to unparalyze yourself, maybe as a dad or as in at work.
1:06:29
SPEAKER_01: And um, I'm grateful, man.
1:06:30
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm excited to check out your book.
1:06:32
SPEAKER_01: I'm excited to help.
1:06:33
SPEAKER_01: Um if I can open up any doors or something like called the Boomerang Mindset, where I serve others without keeping score, I'm I'm down to figure out ways to help you, man.
1:06:41
SPEAKER_01: Because I think you're uh you people gotta hear more about your story.
1:06:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, thank you, Casey.
1:06:45
SPEAKER_02: This made my day.
1:06:46
SPEAKER_02: It really did.
1:06:47
SPEAKER_02: What a fun conversation.
1:06:49
SPEAKER_02: And I can't wait to see what people think of it and how it helps them.
1:06:52
SPEAKER_01: Awesome, man.
1:06:53
SPEAKER_01: Look forward to meeting you in person one day.
1:06:54
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna make it happen.
1:06:55
SPEAKER_02: Yes, likewise.
1:06:56
SPEAKER_02: Let's do it.
1:06:56
SPEAKER_01: Bye, buddy.