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156. Permission To Feel Confident · The Shift Podcast

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  Welcome to The Shift podcast where you get to hear life
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  coaching tools that will help you make small or big shifts in
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  your life, feel better doing it, and learn to create the life you
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  love with confidence. You will also get to hear
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  interviews with some of my clients who've utilized life
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  coaching to help them manage their mind and create really big
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  things for themselves. Come find out how you can be
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  intentional about your thinking, feel better every day, and
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  create anything you want in life.
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  And come join us inside The Shift.
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  Welcome to the Shift podcast episode 156.
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  Permission to feel confident. This is actually a podcast
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  episode that I have been wanting to do for a while and I've been
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  putting it off, putting it off, putting it off.
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  And then all of a sudden this is the topic that I have been
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  coaching on inside my one-on-one and inside my programs lately.
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  So I realized this is a week that we're going to do it.
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  So today we're going to just talk about confidence.
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  And what I'm noticing is a lot of people pulling back and being
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  fully out confident and giving them permission to play out
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  fully confident because of this thought air that they have that
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  they don't want to be overly confident or cocky.
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  And I want to talk about this for a second because I think
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  that this thought right here really has people not create big
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  things for themselves and not play out big when you're afraid
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  of being cocky or overly confident, we have to like
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  breakdown what the definition of that is.
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  And for me, when I think about cocky, I think about cocky means
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  to me like if you're cocky, you think that you're better than
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  someone else. And I just think for the people
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  that I work with and the majority of you guys listening
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  and you, it's like really asking yourself, is it possible that
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  you could ever get to the point of feeling like you're better
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  than someone else? And when I truly am honest and I
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  ask myself that, I don't think that I can get to that.
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  I don't think that that's possible for me.
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  I know my limitations. I know what I'm good at.
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  I know what I'm not good at. And I just never go in my mind
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  to, I think that I'm better than anyone else.
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  So I think it's like when you actually play out, what does it
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  mean to be cocky? Is it possible to asking
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  yourself, is it possible that you think that you could be
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  better than anyone else? And if you're really honest and
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  the answer is no, then just allow yourself to play out big.
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  Give yourself full permission to be confident in who you are,
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  what you know, who you want to be, the things that you're
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  really, really good at. I do want to offer you.
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  When you give yourself permission to play out big and
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  be confident, you give others permission to.
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  And that's like really a thought that I've held on to as a nurse,
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  especially in critical care and as flight.
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  I knew what my limitations were. I knew that I was a really,
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  really good at being transparent, saying the hard
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  things in the moments, being able to say, hey, I'm not that
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  familiar with that device or I'm not that familiar how to do
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  that. Can you show me this or ask a
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  bunch of questions? I wasn't afraid to say, I don't
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  know, can you show me? And also I was super confident
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  in being able to find the resources, the person or ask the
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  right questions to know what that is.
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  And so I think confidence is really honesty with yourself
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  too, of like, what are the things that you're really,
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  really good at? What are the things that you're
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  not so good at? And giving yourself permission
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  to play out on what those things were.
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  So as a flight nurse, for example, one of the things that
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  I was really good at was saying the hard thing in the moments
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  that it needed to be said, being willing to be truthful with both
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  myself, my patient, or the team that I was receiving the patient
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  from or letting the patient go. And then there was some
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  situations where people didn't agree with me and so I had to
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  ask myself, I know all of you guys have those situations where
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  you're afraid to be overly confident because you are afraid
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  to have someone say something about your confidence.
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  So when that did happen, which it did because I do show up very
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  confident in myself no matter how I am feeling in the inside,
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  when those situations did happen and they were brought back to
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  me, I had to ask myself whether it was like they were being rude
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  or she was talking over me. I had to ask myself was I doing
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  that in that moment and be honest?
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  And sometimes I was. Maybe it was for whatever
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  reason, and that's never an excuse.
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  Maybe for every reason there was a time constraint or we need to
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  get the patient going or something, whether was coming in
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  or something. And so I asked myself in those
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  moments when people do criticize me or give me that feedback, was
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  I being rude in that moment? If the answer is yes, then I'm
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  going to critique and and self reflect and do what I need to do
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  to do better next time. But if the answer was no, then I
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  have to be honest with myself. And this is where you have to be
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  willing to feel an emotion when someone disagrees with your with
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  your level of confidence or when someone disagrees with you.
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  And so if I wasn't, if I did ask myself, was I being rude?
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  Was I being any of those things? And the answer was no, then I
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  have to be willing to feel an emotion.
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  And for me, the motion I have to be willing to feel is
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  misunderstood and I have to be willing to allow myself, give
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  myself permission to be confident and then be willing to
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  feel misunderstood if I was not being that person and so
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  misunderstood. Sometimes it's discomfort,
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  sometimes it's disappointment. Ask yourself the question of if
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  you are not being that person or rude or whatever they're saying
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  you're being accusing of, what's the feeling that you have to
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  allow when someone disagrees with how you behave and know
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  what that is? And for me, because I could name
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  it, I knew it was misunderstood. I knew that that sometimes with
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  confidence comes the feeling of being willing to feel
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  misunderstood. Another thing that stops people
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  from being confident is a negative emotion that they don't
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  want to have. So sometimes we try to push away
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  whatever that is instead of just allowing it.
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  So I'm going to give you guys an example.
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  I've been really talking about how I had to deliver this
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  discussion slash topic message to about 150 to 200 youth from
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  the ages of 12 to 18. And when they first asked me how
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  to, they first they asked me to do this about six weeks ago, I
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  had a lot of fear and I had this thought of like, why me?
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  Why are they asking me? And I had a lot of anxiety.
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  And I two weeks into after asking me and spinning and like
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  not sleeping and thinking about it a lot, I asked myself like,
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  why am I having so much anxiety about it?
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  And I realized I was having anxiety because I was having
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  fear of rejection, fear of failure, all of these things.
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  And when I realized that I could just allow the feeling instead
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  of pushing it away, I realized that I could just bring the fear
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  with me. And I realized I was having
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  anxiety because I was trying to push down the fear and get rid
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  of it. And at that two week mark in of
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  them asking me and I said to myself, wait, this is just fear.
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  I can allow fear to be there. I just went ahead and brought it
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  with me. And I think sometimes when we're
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  taking big actions, we're doing big things.
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  When we're making big goals for ourselves and then going out
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  there and trying to achieve them, a negative emotion comes
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  up and we try to get rid of it. And we think, well, we can't
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  have fear and we can't be confident at the same time.
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  And so when I finally recognized, oh, wait, this is
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  normal. I'm having fear of rejection.
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  I'm having fear of failure. I'm going to just bring this
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  with me. And I can still show up
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  confidently. Like holding space for those
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  both may be opposing emotions. I was like, oh, wait, I've done
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  this before. I've landed at scenes with
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  multiple accidents and multiple bodies and multiple things going
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  on. I had fear, I had doubt.
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  And I still confidently figured it out.
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  So this was just an example of of just allowing whatever the
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  hard emotion is or negative emotion, bringing it with you
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  and realizing that you can be confident at the same time.
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  Another thing that really helped me as I was preparing for this
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  talk is I asked myself, and I want you guys to think about
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  what is the big thing you're working towards?
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  What is the big goal you're trying to accomplish?
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  Or maybe it's just like I'm trying to get higher than this
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  department or I'm trying to have a better relationship with a
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  family member. I want you guys to to ask
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  yourself, what is the feeling that I want to have after I've
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  accomplished or done the thing? What is the feeling that I want
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  to have after I've accomplished or done the thing?
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  So for example, when it comes to this talk, when I asked myself
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  that, the feeling that I wanted to have that I knew that I was
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  going to have after I did, it was the feeling of proud.
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  And so I just asked myself, how can I generate feeling proud
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  now? And I gave myself all of these
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  answers. I'm proud of accepting the
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  challenge. I'm proud of writing the talk.
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  I'm proud of thinking about how I can serve this subset of youth
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  and group. I'm proud of the message that I
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  know that I'm going to deliver. I'm proud of, however it goes,
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  just doing the hard thing and showing up.
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  And so I want to offer you guys the same thing.
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  Ask yourself these two questions.
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  What's the feeling you're going to have after you've done the
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  thing or accomplish the thing? And then how do you generate
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  that feeling now? And I know that that's kind of
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  sounds opposite because we think, oh, it's not okay to feel
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  that until after it's done, but this is what's going to move you
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  through this. And So what I held at the same
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  time was these feelings of fear and also turning up generating
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  the emotion of being proud. And when I did that, it allowed
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  me to step into who I wanted to be now, not waiting to be her at
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  the end of the talk. I stepped into her now.
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  And that created a lot of peace for me.
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  It allowed me to realize I don't have to wait to feel proud.
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  I can feel proud now. So whatever The thing is you're
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  working on, ask yourself, what is the feeling that you want to
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  have at the end of this? And start generating that
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  feeling now. This is the work that we're
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  doing inside the shift. This is what we are tackling as
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  we're creating big things and also asking ourselves as what we
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  want as we're shifting into the life we want to live and being
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  willing to take both. Maybe opposing emotions with
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  this at the same time. So feelings of fear, feeling of
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  confidence at the same time. How do I, how do I be both?
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  I can have fear and I can be confident.
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  And I want to offer you guys join us inside the shift.
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  This is the work that we're doing.
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  Give yourself permission to play out confidently.
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  Give yourself permission to play out big.
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  Go all the way. Be overly confident.
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  Let yourself be who you know that you're meant to be.
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  If you guys are ready to tackle this and grow confidence in any
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  aspect of your life, join us inside.
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  The links going to be in the show notes and I will see you
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  guys next week on the Shift podcast.
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  Bye. If anything in this episode
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  sparked your interest in learning to manage your mind and
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  feel better to create confidence in your life, come join The
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  Shift. We are an entire community that
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  meets together on a weekly basis with an ongoing group chat.
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  You can click on the link to join in the show notes or DM me
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  on Instagram. I hope to see all of you guys
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  inside.