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An honest reflection on the biggest lessons I learned in 2022 · The Jasmine Star Show

• 0:13
  Welcome back to another episode at the Jasmine Star Show where we talk about life, business, and that glorious middle gray area that we hate to love and we love to hate. It is in the middle that I learn the most.
• 0:28
  If you have been listening to this podcast for a while, you know that I don't believe in failure.
• 0:34
  I believe that there are lessons I needed to learn.
• 0:37
  And so it's under that scope that I've taken a little bit of time to look back on what happened last year. Here we are, January, 2023, if you are listening in real time, and I wanted to write down a few things that I learned, a couple lessons along the way. And why I'm sharing these lessons is because, wow, to learn a lesson and dwell in it by myself means that the only person who's learning from that lesson is me.
• 1:06
  But what if I were to be open about what happened in the last year and talk about more than anything, not exactly the instance or the instances or the outcome or the results, but really what was the biggest takeaway?
• 1:19
  I'm gonna start with what I think is the basic thing that I needed to be reminded of. It's easy, but it doesn't mean it's simple.
• 1:29
  That right there, friends is what we set out to do.
• 1:34
  Consistency, creation, ideation, making an offer, following up with clients, shipping, receiving emails, inquiries, bids, quotes, contracts. For all intents and purposes, somebody might look at that and say, it's easy to respond to an email.
• 1:51
  It's easy to draft up a contract. It's easy to follow up. And while it is, hmm, it doesn't mean it's simple.
• 1:58
  And it's along those lines that I had to learn to ask myself, are you in the hard part? And that's the question I have for you right now.
• 2:07
  Are you in a hard part?
• 2:07
  Are you in a hard season?
• 2:11
  Because if I had learned to ask myself, Hey, baby boo, sweet cakes, buttercup, are you in a hard part? Good.
• 2:19
  Because this is where other people quit, that if I have got to this point in my life, in my career, I have to say that there have been plenty of hard moments and I have successfully made it through every single hard moment.
• 2:33
  I have made it through a hundred percent of my worst days, and yet I am still standing.
• 2:39
  Not everybody else can say that You and me, you're in the hard part. Good.
• 2:45
  This is where others quit and you won't because lots of people will start, a few people will build.
• 2:55
  That's another thing I had to tell myself is that building isn't easy.
• 2:59
  Walking into a threshold of a beautiful home or a castle or a kingdom man, that feels good.
• 3:07
  I recently read an article around how the architects of the Roman Empire, they would build these bridges, wildly famous Roman bridges, and for them to testify that they can handle the strength of the bridge, what they would do is they themself, the architect would stand under the bridge while the Roman armies would march across hot. Dang, you better trust what you bill.
• 3:34
  And I heard that and I reminded myself, lots of people will start, few people will build, and fewer, fewer people will stand under the bridges that they had constructed.
• 3:48
  Bridges that lead not just to different parts of your business, but bridges that lead to different parts of your life.
• 3:54
  2022 was about building bridges that I had the faith to stand under even when it was so hard.
• 4:03
  And it was on the back of building those bridges that , I had to ask myself, okay, so what if this never ended?
• 4:10
  And when you say this, you could fill in the blank for whatever you are going through or what you have made it through in the past year. But like quite honestly, what if it never ended? What if the journey, what if the meetings, what if the headaches, what if the sucker punches? What if the burning fires?
• 4:26
  What if the accolades, what if the success? What if the peaks?
• 4:29
  What if the values? What if every morning when you wake up and you're like, I don't know the answer, quiet yet. What if that never ended?
• 4:39
  Would you still do it?
• 4:41
  My answer that I had learned so distinctly on the back of 2022 was I would, I'm crazy.
• 4:51
  I would do it all again and again. And this is how I know I am an entrepreneur, because those days are dark and lonely. And I can't tell you, there's one night in particular that I'm thinking of, and it was in September of 2022 where I could not sleep in the middle of the night. And I got up not wanting to disturb my husband, and also on the back of having conversations with partner. And we saw the same situation and we saw it different. My husband, very linear, very practical, very concrete.
• 5:24
  And I was like, no, no, there's a bunch of things that you don't see or you don't understand.
• 5:29
  To which she responded, I see everything that you see and I am telling you there is a different outcome.
• 5:34
  And I felt so misunderstood, and I felt so frustrated. I felt scared.
• 5:39
  It's like two or three o'clock in the morning and I get up outta bed and I walk into the bathroom and in our bathroom there was a door that you could shut, which is where the toilet is, and your girl has no shame.
• 5:52
  I shut that door and I sat on that floor and I was like, I feel so sick with the decisions that I have to make.
• 5:59
  I think I'm gonna throw up.
• 6:00
  And I sat on that floor and I cried and I was like, please God, I don't wanna make this decision.
• 6:09
  I don't want to decide. I actually said, I want it to happen to me that way I'm abdicated.
• 6:17
  I don't have to deal with it instead of me happening to it.
• 6:22
  So when I look back at that moment, the lowest of my lows in 2022, I ask myself, what if it never ended?
• 6:31
  What if there were, oh Lord, please wait baby Jesus.
• 6:35
  No, I don't want it to be.
• 6:39
  But what if there are 27 other moments where I'm sitting in front of the commode crying? What if there are 270 of those moments?
• 6:48
  What if there are 2,700 of those moments?
• 6:51
  What if there are 27,000 more of those moments? Would you do it?
• 6:56
  And if the answer is yes, then it's time to enjoy the process.
• 7:03
  And the reason why I can look back at the year and think that I was able to enjoy the process was I realized that I was surrounding myself with people who wanted more for me, not from me.
• 7:17
  There were people who said, the time has come that you were ready for this moment.
• 7:23
  They were challenging me, they were pushing me. They why? And they were like, Hey, I'm not gonna give you any space for your limitations, although if you would like to share them, go ahead.
• 7:33
  If you would like to die on that sword, go right ahead, but we want more for you, not from you.
• 7:41
  And on the back of what happened last year, I realized that there was a quote by Nipsey Hussle that and it went something along the lines of, if you don't hang out with people who are challenging you, if you don't hang out with people who support you, if you're not hanging out with people who want the best for you, you don't have a circle, you have a cage.
• 8:00
  I realized that there were people in my life who, for all intents and purposes, I know they loved me and I loved them, but their doubt, their playing small, their game was keeping me in a cage next to them.
• 8:16
  And I had to come to the point in my relationship with people who were around me. I was okay.
• 8:23
  I was okay letting go of relationships that no longer served me.
• 8:28
  And I knew that to be the case for a while, but I actually said it out loud.
• 8:35
  It was not easy, but I did it because I realized that who I wanted to be and who I needed to become in 2023, I had to openly own that.
• 8:47
  I am no longer that person and I will no longer hide.
• 8:50
  I will speak my truth even if it causes me to lose a relationship.
• 8:55
  But that right there, that decision, it actually served for something that was a little bit more for me because I had to ask myself, not just in relationships, I had to ask it in business, I had to ask it in life. I had to ask it of spirituality.
• 9:08
  I had to ask it of investment.
• 9:09
  It's are you willing to sacrifice in the short term for what you want in the long term? And I have to tell you that like a child, you know, , I'm like, oh, millennial, like I want it now.
• 9:21
  I want everything and I want it now. And it's like veruca salt from Willy Wonka.
• 9:26
  It's like Veruca sweetheart.
• 9:26
  I'm Shalene Peanuts, the old school original Willy Wonka.
• 9:31
  And I was veruca salt saying I wanted everything and I want it now.
• 9:35
  And that does not work in life.
• 9:40
  I distinctly in 2022, I just look back at that year, I was like, dang, that year just kind of was like a it.
• 9:45
  It was the golden boot that gave me a arse kick in that I'll never forget in all good ways, because I realized I had to get in control and say, I am sacrificing not, oh, I don't have, I don't have enough time.
• 9:59
  I don't have enough money. I don't have resources. No, that did if I so chose, I just decided to spend my money, my time, my resources, my energy in a much perceivable smaller game into playing something bigger that I had to ask myself, are you willing in the short term to sacrifice for what you want in the long term? My answer was yes.
• 10:20
  And all of a sudden it put me in a place of power of owning that decision. And I think that when I look back at it, the thing I would tell myself was how thankful I was to have the courage to let go of what is good for what could be great. Now, we don't know. It will be great.
• 10:42
  There have been plenty tough times that I have let go of something that was good for the hopes that it would be great.
• 10:46
  And when I was in the middle of it, I was like, oh no, this is not the path to greatness. And then pivot, make a change, U-turn, whatever the case may be.
• 10:55
  It ultimately led me to something that was great, but I first had to have the courage to let go of what was good for what could be great.
• 11:06
  And it's the good that it is the risk that mm-hmm a lot of people are not okay with that.
• 11:12
  And I realized that in order for me to grow and become somebody entirely different with an entirely different business mind, I had to let go of what was good for what could be great.
• 11:24
  And even if the next iteration or 18 iterations from there led me to greatness, that I would be okay in that process.
• 11:32
  And it was during that time that I had to distinctly, distinctly tell myself again and again, I am thankful for what's here.
• 11:43
  I am thankful for what's left and I'm thankful for what's on the way.
• 11:50
  I would repeat this again and again because there were times that I thought I had lost something. But truly, how do you lose something you do not own?
• 12:00
  The minute I expressed gratitude for what left the minute I expressed gratitude for who left despite how hard that was for me.
• 12:10
  I am thankful for what's here.
• 12:14
  I am thankful for what's left.
• 12:17
  And I am thankful for what's on the way because it was that level of faith.
• 12:21
  I had to choose faith over fear. I had to deter, choose determination over doubt.
• 12:24
  And I know that sounds very cliche, but let me just tell you, on the back of an extraordinarily hard year, that was what I had to tell myself.
• 12:33
  I had to reprogram my mind because I have to tell you all , you know that your girl is like headstrong.
• 12:40
  I actually don't even like the word headstrong.
• 12:42
  What I call is like I'm brain strong. I might not know the answers, but I figure that I have a brain that can get to the answer.
• 12:48
  And if I can get to the answer, then I'm just gonna push my way through it.
• 12:51
  I will just bully my way.
• 12:52
  I will break down every brick wall that is in my way except for the fact that the brain in mind are different. Because while I might have been brain strong, my mind was weak, my mind was being run by my brain, and my brain is just a muscle and my mind is made up of a soul.
• 13:11
  It has the power to choose a different definition to a situation, to apply a different emotion to the same situation.
• 13:20
  I could apply an entirely different meaning to the same situation. A brain looks at what is, and a mind can interpret and apply a different meaning.
• 13:32
  So I and all of 22 was all about finding a different meaning that there was a story to be told here.
• 13:40
  And if I look back in history, do I want to choose to tell that story where I was a victim or I tell the story that I was in a hard place and I chose to do something different?
• 13:50
  I chose the latter and I choose the latter because I had to tell myself again and again, what is meant for me will find me.
• 14:01
  What is meant for me will find me.
• 14:02
  And to say that in a good spot is one thing to say that when you're feeling really down or to say that when things aren't going your way, or to say that when you see other people get the very thing you want, Ooh, am I going there? Ooh, we're going there.
• 14:19
  We see what we want and we see what we don't have.
• 14:24
  And we see the path that people took to get there. And you ask yourself, but why Uhuh? Why am I gonna waste time asking a question I can't answer?
• 14:34
  Instead of asking a question, I'm gonna make a statement.
• 14:38
  What is meant for me will find me.
• 14:41
  And it was when I said that it freed me to be in a place of receiving what is meant for me will find me.
• 14:47
  And all of a sudden when I looked at the things I didn't have and the things that other people had, I realized that man, I could celebrate other people.
• 14:55
  And when I was celebrating other people for what they had done, had created ideated, when I celebrated their success crazy, it opened up space for me to build the same thing for myself.
• 15:09
  Now I'm not doing what they did and doing it the way that they did it.
• 15:14
  And I probably don't have how the resources or the structure or the support system that they did, it doesn't matter.
• 15:19
  What I did realize was that when I celebrated, I opened up space for me to find my own version, my own path of doing something.
• 15:27
  Because while I was focusing on why nami, I don't have that, I need this.
• 15:34
  It didn't give me a pathway of actually achieving something. But when I said, good for you, wow, I can't believe you just did that. That would, for all intents and purposes, I would think it's impossible.
• 15:42
  And then you just done did it.
• 15:42
  Congratulations, friend. Rock it out.
• 15:45
  And then all of a sudden I realized, wait a minute, that opened a pathway for me to c my situation slightly differently.
• 15:53
  And so if I decided to look at a situation and see it differently and say that my success is not dictated by somebody else's success, that if somebody wins it doesn't mean that I don't win.
• 16:02
  That I now believe that when you win and you win and you win, there's still space for me to win.
• 16:06
  Why the world is made up of abundance if I choose to look at it that way.
• 16:11
  I also made a different decision to look at something wildly different in 2022.
• 16:16
  And the greatest lesson that I learned, and I cannot tell you, I was on Back Bay in Newport Beach five o'clock in the morning, the sun is not quite out.
• 16:27
  And I am listening to a podcast interview with Ed Mylet and Alex Hormoze.
• 16:32
  And Alex says, across the airwaves or radio waves or podcasting waves to Ed Mylet and says, no, ed, I can't lose if I don't quit.
• 16:42
  And I stopped in my tracks and I took a deep breath and I was like, that's right. That's right, son, you can't lose if you don't quit. And guess what?
• 16:55
  If I don't quit, I can't lose.
• 17:00
  Which brings us back to the question I had started with.
• 17:05
  If this was it, if this is what you did again and again and again, if this never ended, would you do it?
• 17:17
  I am hoping that what you carry in to 2023 becomes that very idea.
• 17:21
  While it won't be easy, while you will have to sacrifice in the short term for the long term that what is meant for you will find you and you're gonna celebrate others, and that you are okay of letting go of relationships, people, things that no longer serve you, and that while it might be easy, it doesn't mean it's simple.
• 17:41
  And then you want to be with people who want more for you and not just from you.
• 17:45
  And you're gonna hang with people who are not just a circle, that they become the people who support you, so that you no longer have to be in a cage.
• 17:56
  And that you will be thankful for what is here and you'll be thankful for what is not here. And you will be thankful for what's on the way. Mm.
• 18:03
  Will you be one of the people this year that start and build, not just the people who start and then stop friends 2023? I'm just saying it right here.
• 18:17
  What the canker worm has eaten, it will be replaced.
• 18:22
  I believe what my mom has always raised me to believe is that I can't outgive God. Now, I know not everybody here believes in God.
• 18:31
  So whatever you believe in, and you could go ahead and just contextualize it for you. But for me and my systems of belief is I believe that I cannot outgive God.
• 18:42
  So I am sharing what I learned cuz it is not simple and it's not easy for me to share these things because it makes me feel so open and vulnerable.
• 18:50
  And what I want to do on this podcast is be like, oh, look at all these amazing things. And being a little tight million dollar years, wow, blessed I I, I would love to say that I would love to not talk about the night where I'm sitting in front of the toilet crying.
• 19:07
  I would love to not talk about seeing the same situation differently than my best friend's high school sweetheart, business co-founder.
• 19:15
  I would not wanna talk about those things.
• 19:16
  I would not wanna talk about the people who left.
• 19:19
  I don't wanna talk about the people who I left.
• 19:21
  I don't wanna talk about the people who I let down.
• 19:23
  I don't wanna talk about the mistakes that I made. But here, let's finish where we done started. I said, I do not believe in failures.
• 19:32
  I believe in lessons.
• 19:35
  I have learned so many lessons in 2022, and I am so excited not to repeat those lessons in 2023.
• 19:42
  And on the back of not repeating those lessons, I'm gonna have a breakout year.
• 19:46
  I'm just gonna say it. I'm gonna say it until it becomes my reality.
• 19:49
  I'm going to have a breakout year and I want the same for you.
• 19:52
  I share these lessons with you so that we save time, energy, and then you have the courage to go out and share and help other people.
• 20:00
  It is an honor and it is a privilege to have this podcast in this glorious year. It is the, it's the lunar year of the rabbit, y'all okay? May we multiply? Okay, friends, thank you so much for listening to the Jasmine Star Show.
• 20:18
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• 20:33
  When you write a podcast review, it takes 15 seconds. And I know people have heard this before, but I am telling you, game changer, game over. I love hearing from y'all.
• 20:45
  I love connecting with you.
• 20:45
  Thank you a million times over and I look forward to another episode of the Jasmine Starstone soon.