Latest / What's Your (Least) Favorite Scary Movie? / #331: Aquaslash (2019) – Tubi or Not to Be

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#331: Aquaslash (2019) – Tubi or Not to Be · What's Your (Least) Favorite Scary Movie?

0:06
Hello, what's your least favorite scary movie?
0:11
Murder. Well, accidents happen.
0:14
Welcome to What's Your least favorite Scary Movie, The
0:16
podcast where we talk about the good, the bad, the ugly and the
0:19
absurd. And all of our favorite.
0:21
And least favorite scary movie? Because we believe every horror
0:23
movie rightfully has its fan base.
0:25
Even if we don't always get it. My name's Travis.
0:27
My name's Jesse, and welcome back to another live, uncut and
0:31
mostly undrawn episode of To Be or Not to Be.
0:35
This is our monthly bonus series where we go to free streaming
0:38
services and check out some little indie films we might not
0:42
have otherwise seen. Yeah, this month was my pick and
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I'm in a spring bike mood. Spring bike.
0:50
So I went with Aqua Slash. Yeah, this is one that's been
0:54
sitting in our watch list on Tubi for a long time.
0:56
We've been waiting for the right moment.
0:57
I mean, it's always felt like a good candidate for this show.
1:01
Yes, absolutely. So I'm glad you pulled the
1:04
trigger on it. Yes, it it felt, it just felt
1:06
right. Ty.
1:07
Is also vibe into it right? Now she absolutely.
1:09
Is she's out there, I don't know if you can hear her, but she's
1:11
she's going through. It She's afraid of water, she's
1:13
afraid of sliding. She's afraid she's.
1:16
Afraid of slashes, so it's everything about it.
1:19
It's horrifying. Yeah, OK, We we're just gonna
1:22
jump right into it 'cause these are shorter than normal
1:24
episodes, 'cause they're bonus episodes, so let's just go ahead
1:26
and do it. Let's rock'n'roll.
1:27
Let's Rock'n'roll Alka Slash released June or No That's not
1:32
June, July 29th, 2019 at the Fantasia International Film
1:37
Festival. The US release was June 12th,
1:40
2020. Dramatic pause.
1:46
I my 0 like I closed up my 0. Weird.
1:50
So it's like 2026. It's not even June 2026 yet.
1:54
Yeah, we traveled to the future for this.
1:56
One we watched it on Tubi, but you can also stream it for free
1:59
on Fandango at home or Prime, or you can rent it from Apple TV,
2:03
YouTube or Google TV. Written and directed by Renaud
2:06
Guthier, music by Bruce Cameron. We do not have special effects
2:10
makeup. Wow.
2:12
Well, they there is special effects to be clear, but I think
2:15
it's all digital fatty gas. Yeah, like mostly, yeah, there,
2:20
there wasn't like a makeup department, but there is a
2:22
special effects department, but they were involved in a lot of
2:24
like pyrotechnics and stuff. Actually, never mind.
2:26
They they do have like dummies, like actual, yeah, never mind.
2:29
I take that back. So they, they have practical
2:31
effects on this and it's actually pretty solid.
2:33
It's kind of a shame that we don't have a person to give
2:36
credit to. Yeah, actually.
2:38
Starring Nicholas Fontanas, Josh Brittany Drizdell as Priscilla,
2:42
Nick Walker as Paul, Lanissa Dawn as Kimberly, and Hajo Rose
2:48
as Michael Travis. Time for our favorite game on
2:51
the show. Budget or bug Ted?
2:55
I I mean, it's an indie movie, so you got to go bug Ted in
2:59
these situations. So I'm pretty, pretty confident.
3:02
I don't have anything. I mean, you look at the movie,
3:05
by all means, it looks pretty good, yeah.
3:08
Obviously. Yeah, I imagine.
3:10
Like, I mean, it still does have that indie movie look to it, but
3:13
yeah, like, I I got to give them props for what they were able to
3:17
accomplish with what I'm sure is not a lot.
3:20
Yeah, but they did make worldwide growth 151,000.
3:24
Hey, that's pretty good. I'm, I'm pretty happy for them,
3:27
yeah. It has.
3:30
I was a 3.6 out of 10 on my. 3.63 point 6 shocked, actually
3:36
shocked at that rating. That's insane.
3:39
I did pull some other movies from 2019, OK.
3:43
And I found kind of a common theme.
3:44
Yeah, that common theme is this is not actually fun.
3:48
I like that. That's a great idea.
3:50
So the first one, and this feels especially timely, is ready or
3:54
not. Perfect, but it's just like
3:56
games. Yeah, cuz of games and cuz Ready
3:59
or not too Here I Come is coming out next weekend.
4:02
So Reading are not released August 21st, 2019 on a budget of
4:06
$6 million. Worldwide gross of 57,000,006.9
4:10
out of 10 on IMDb. It's weird to me because 2019
4:13
feels like just last year, but that's seven years ago.
4:17
Yeah, that's. Crazy too.
4:19
It's the it's the pandemic time math.
4:22
Yeah, I really need everything. Off 2nd movie Midsummer.
4:28
Festivals and fun activities once again, not quite what they
4:32
see them hanging. Out with friends, forgetting
4:35
about the tragic loss of your entire family.
4:36
See, all these things, even the tragic family part can still be
4:40
fun. You just got to pick the right
4:41
culture because some of them are just not going to be good times.
4:45
So Midsummer released June 3rd, 2019.
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Budget of 9 million, worldwide gross of 48 million.
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IMDb score 7.1 out of 10. Not bad, that's a classic.
4:56
Yeah, absolutely. And the third one, escape room.
5:01
Hey, perfect. Yeah.
5:03
Honestly, I don't even need a horror movie for that because
5:05
every time I consider doing an escape room, the one time we did
5:09
it, we got frustrated and we didn't win.
5:12
We were pretty like low personnel.
5:14
It was only three of us. That's true.
5:16
So if we had more people, I feel like it was.
5:18
True, and also we went for like a higher difficulty one because
5:21
we wanted to do the creepy. Room we thought well that, but
5:24
we also we I think we overestimated our ability.
5:28
Well, I mean we made it to the end.
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We're like, we had to do all of this shit too still.
5:31
Like, there's no fucking way. Came in to tell us that our time
5:35
was up really well. How close were we?
5:36
And he was like, not at all, not at all.
5:39
You still had a lot to do. So Escape Room came out January
5:44
4th, 2019. Also, a budget of 9 million, a
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worldwide gross of 155,000,000, and an IMDb score of 6.4 out of
5:52
10. That's a fun movie.
5:54
OK, I have 3 tag lines. Awesome, I thought you were
5:58
gonna say none, so I'm happy you have 3.
6:00
This one's really fun. OK, I love this.
6:04
Let's hear it. Blood is slicker than water.
6:07
That is good. Good.
6:10
That is like totally perfect for this.
6:12
Movie I wish it stopped at that because the other two are not as
6:15
good. OK.
6:16
But that one, like it's it's pinnacled.
6:20
Yeah, it's we're, we're at the top list.
6:22
We're gonna drop now, just like a water slide.
6:24
Just like a water slide, you're a killer.
6:26
Vacation awaits. OK, there we go.
6:28
That was not great. Right cuts like a knife, but it
6:31
feels so right. That's weird that just don't
6:35
just. Don't like that at all.
6:36
Yeah. Not really, no.
6:38
OK, well, we don't really do a whole lot of background
6:41
information. This is to be or not to be as
6:44
more of a vibes kind of show. So we're watching.
6:47
Go ahead. Yeah, we're gonna go ahead and
6:49
go into the good, bad, ugly and absurd.
6:51
And since I just did a lot of talking, Travis, you kick us.
6:53
Off OK cool. So I'll start off with the good
6:55
here. So right off the bat, I, I had a
6:59
great time with this movie because I feel like this is this
7:03
is probably the best version of like a modern B horror movie
7:08
that you would have watched from like the 80s in this current
7:12
time, because it has like it has all of the, the staples of those
7:17
types of like grindhouse. I wouldn't even call it
7:19
grindhouse, but it's like, you know, just B horror.
7:22
Like it's cheap. It goes for like, it tries to
7:26
please the audience and knows what people like in horror
7:29
movies and it tries its best to give it to you and it has a fun
7:32
time doing it. I thought the movie looked
7:36
really good. Yes, visually I was really
7:39
impressed. I was stunned with it.
7:41
It looked really, really good and.
7:43
I'm not normally a person who like appreciates that stuff the
7:47
way you do. And even I was like, wow, this
7:49
is actually really pretty well. It's just you go into this movie
7:54
and you know that it's gonna be a low budget movie.
7:57
Usually with a lower budget you expect a lot of noise on the
8:00
screen. A lot of noise, a lot of just
8:03
not good. It's like not good composition.
8:08
A lot of amateur stuff, you know, and that's totally cool
8:11
and I love that there's a place for that stuff, and I was fully
8:13
on board for that with this movie.
8:15
But this movie came across like a professionally like, like out
8:19
in theaters I would have watched this.
8:21
I've been like this. This tracks.
8:23
This is the type of experience I'm expecting in this setting.
8:25
So that really surprised me. The acting was pretty solid all
8:28
around too, and I like the characters, you know, like we we
8:33
had some fun characters this time around.
8:34
Honestly the one character Chad every like the running gag of
8:39
nobody getting his name right just killed me.
8:42
Like Chip Chud, Chaz Chaz. Yeah, yeah, I like the older
8:47
dude. Carter.
8:48
Conrad. Conrad.
8:50
Yeah, Connor Carter is his last name.
8:53
I wrote him as Carter for 11 until people started referring
8:56
to him as Conrad. Yeah, no, that's fair.
8:58
I did the same thing. Yeah, he, I mean, that is a guy
9:01
that they picked off the side of the road.
9:02
Like, do you want to be in a movie?
9:04
And he's like, what? What are those?
9:05
I feel like he. Probably just actually worked at
9:07
the water park. That's and they're like.
9:10
We need somebody. We want to give you lines, Sir.
9:14
Yeah. And funny enough, the actor's
9:16
name, I think is Chip. Is it really?
9:18
It's funny, but yeah, like, it's just a fun time.
9:22
Like it, it gives you some good old classic horror things like,
9:27
you know, like the horror isn't exactly super strong in this
9:30
movie either. Like I that's not like one of
9:33
its benefits. It's just I don't know.
9:36
I I agree with you on a lot of this.
9:38
I think this is a lot of fun and honestly it gave me because of
9:42
the setting but also like tonally it gave me a lot of
9:45
vibes of Piranha double D. Yeah, that's kind of what I
9:47
thought too, because, I mean, it's the same thing.
9:49
Water Park. Yeah, water park and mayhem
9:51
happening and it's so goofy the way stuff happens.
9:56
And yeah, it's, you know, it just, it gave me a good springy
10:01
feeling. Yeah.
10:02
And I felt that too. Yeah.
10:04
And I also find water slides to be incredibly terrifying, so
10:09
adding adding razors to it wasn't even necessary like.
10:13
Watching this movie it made me realize cuz I had to like think
10:16
to myself when was the last time I was on a water slide and it
10:18
was a long long. Time.
10:19
I can tell you the last time I was on a water slide it was at
10:22
the like water park quote UN quote in Richmond.
10:26
And. I went down the slide with my
10:27
roommate at the time and I got the most ferocious wedgie of my
10:31
life and I thought I'd actually maybe turn my ass.
10:34
Well, sorry if I was too much information for people to listen
10:36
to. Wow.
10:37
So like when I say I didn't need the blades for the water sign to
10:41
be scary, I meant it. OK, that sounds painful it.
10:46
Was. OK, and you wanna do some bad
10:49
stuff? Yeah, well, OK, so I think you
10:53
and I are both going to talk about this, but when we read the
10:56
description, it sounds like a whole other type of thing.
11:00
Because the description is when somebody puts, and I'm
11:04
paraphrasing, but the gist is when somebody puts blades into a
11:08
water slide at the Wet Valley Water Park, High School graduate
11:14
partygoers must solve the mystery and stop the murders.
11:19
That's not what happens. Yeah, there's not a mystery.
11:22
There's like, so like, see, the way that I envision this is, I
11:26
thought that like at some point the entire water park was going
11:30
to be booby trapped. So every single one of the
11:32
things, yes. So like if you go in the pool,
11:34
something's going to get you there.
11:35
If you go on a slide like there's going to be razor blades
11:37
all around there. Yeah, I was picturing.
11:40
I wasn't picturing it like crisscross the way it was.
11:41
I was picturing them like up at the bottom there was there was a
11:45
cruise ship a few months ago and one of their water slides broke.
11:50
And so it was like leaking and somebody had like slid through
11:55
and like the the broken part was on the bottom.
11:57
And so they got like shredded going through.
12:01
It did. They die.
12:02
I don't think they died, but like, you know, it wasn't good
12:04
for anyone. Yeah.
12:06
So that's that's kind of what I had in my head going into this
12:10
movie. Yeah, and and.
12:11
Honestly, I think the cruise ship setting works better if
12:14
you're wanting to pitch it as like a mystery because
12:16
everybody's you're trapped there.
12:18
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like something to figure
12:20
it out. Yeah, this is just Canada.
12:22
Like you can just walk away. Yeah, you.
12:24
Can. Yeah.
12:26
Only in Canada can you just walk away.
12:28
In an American movie, you have to be locked in.
12:30
You're I'm stuck. Increasingly more so, yes.
12:33
Yeah, yeah. But like, really?
12:37
OK, So what the deal is, is it's only one side.
12:40
And this is like out of a water side that has three different
12:43
tubes. One tube gets crisscross blades
12:46
in the middle. Of it, it's never entirely clear
12:49
which one it is either, Which I do think that's a fun mystery
12:53
because we're like. You never know.
12:54
Yeah. Yeah.
12:55
But like, The thing is, and it only happens at the very end of
12:58
the movie. Yeah.
12:59
So and then it cuts to news, and then it cuts to the reading of a
13:02
will. Yeah, yeah.
13:04
And that was my next thing is the ending is so fucking
13:07
confusing. It's just, it just happens.
13:10
And I get it. Like Priscilla was the kid that
13:14
witnessed the murders of and the murder.
13:17
Yeah, and the murder was her her dad or her mom?
13:20
Her parent. Something yeah.
13:22
And she saw that trauma and decided it was her dad.
13:25
She was going to replicate it on the 30 year anniversary. 30
13:29
Well, and it wasn't it wasn't just that her dad was like
13:31
murdered in the water slide. We also had like a Friday the
13:34
13th kind of twist to it because the lifeguards were making out
13:37
and they weren't paying attention.
13:38
Yeah, yeah, they were having filthy sex.
13:41
Yeah, but it just kind of happened so suddenly at the end,
13:43
like whenever they're at the will and it just pans over to
13:47
her and she just looks at the camera and it's like, did you
13:49
think it was me? No, but she didn't.
13:53
And it just felt so abrupt and I just didn't really care for the
13:57
ending. Yeah, I honestly, for me, I feel
14:01
like this would be terrible. 10 times more effective as a short
14:04
film. Yeah, probably.
14:06
Yeah, and it's not like this is a super long film to begin with,
14:09
but I think like 30 minutes, maybe even 40 we could do.
14:13
But trying to stretch it out to an hour 15, it's just it doesn't
14:18
even really get the whole full hour 15.
14:19
It's like 45 minutes of partying.
14:22
Yeah, and. Then like 25 minutes of horror.
14:26
Yeah, and the horror is all just like people sitting in a pool of
14:29
blood which sounds metal as fuck.
14:32
I understand. And nobody like people
14:34
continuing to just keep going down the slide even though you
14:36
can look down and see blood and panic everywhere.
14:39
Panicking in completely different ways too.
14:43
But people. It's kind.
14:44
Of comical. The way that a lot of these
14:45
people reacted to the situation was just kind of bizarre to me
14:49
though too. Yeah, like Josh, like I'm going
14:51
to climb up the slide what you can.
14:54
Just go up the fucking like steps and tell them what's
14:57
happening. Dude, Kim, who's an actual
14:58
lifeguard, is just standing in the pool screaming.
15:01
Conrad's trying to do something, but he rolled his ankle in a way
15:05
that that man will not recover from at his age.
15:08
Nope. So yeah, it's just I I think
15:12
that this was a lot of fun, had a lot of fun ideas that either
15:15
needed somebody else to come in and really juice it up or it
15:18
just needed to be like a 30 minute short film.
15:21
Yeah. And I think it would have been
15:23
so solid. Yeah.
15:27
OK. I'll go in.
15:28
Yeah. The part that I didn't care for
15:32
the most was when the kid clearly cut himself and he's on
15:37
the beach and mom's like whatever, man.
15:38
Like you're like, I paid for this.
15:40
You're going to do it here. Cover yourself up with this
15:41
plastic bag. Oh, I thought he had like a cast
15:43
on his foot. I thought he had cut himself.
15:46
I didn't know it was a cast. Because he was like, I can't get
15:49
it wet. I thought he was talking about
15:51
cut. OK, maybe it.
15:52
I see. I didn't see the.
15:53
Leg. I didn't see the leg either.
15:54
They they. Hid it.
15:55
They didn't. They didn't have the funds for a
15:57
cast, so it was like your own judgement of whatever is
16:02
happening there. I took it as a cut.
16:03
It's like, lady, you probably paid for day passes, you could
16:07
have just not bought day passes on a day that your son had it
16:11
cast on his foot. Yeah, yeah, it's.
16:14
Just ask my mom, she had to navigate that shit all the time
16:17
when I was a child. Regardless, it just came across
16:21
as a negligent mom and she dies and that could because of her
16:25
negligence is going to he's going to become the next.
16:28
Killer in the pool of blood and then he like Jason Voorhees out
16:32
of it at the in the post credits, yeah.
16:35
Yeah, because you know, him finding a Walkman is clearly a
16:37
thing that we need to know. Man, they made a big point of
16:41
it. It's it was an 80s throwback
16:43
weekend. I guess that's true.
16:45
Was it like, yeah, OK. Also, like, why are you bringing
16:48
your child to this water park on the same weekend that there's a
16:52
notoriously like 30 year tradition of high school
16:55
graduations coming here? Like I wouldn't want my kid to
16:57
be around that. And 75% of them are naked most
17:00
of the time. Yeah, yeah.
17:02
That's just like, I think that there's an understanding amongst
17:04
the community that that's their time.
17:06
You know, I would imagine they would have a reserve.
17:08
Deal. It's like a project graduation
17:09
type of thing, you know, Like, yeah, if you're going to be dumb
17:12
asses, be dumb asses in like a supervised area.
17:15
Exactly. So my ugly is that Paul and
17:20
Priscilla are married. Yeah, they are married.
17:23
Yeah, she is constantly blinking fresh out of high school
17:29
graduates. See, I couldn't tell if that
17:31
wasn't. Technically legal?
17:32
Well then we see her with Slim. But it has that was to get
17:35
revenge on. But so was the date with
17:38
Michael. Was she on a date with them?
17:40
We never really got an answer because she was like she.
17:43
Was flirting with her pretty heavily and badly, but you know.
17:48
Michael was a dad, right? Yeah.
17:49
See, I couldn't, I couldn't tell because he was at the she was
17:52
there at the will, too. So like, you don't bring your
17:56
girlfriend, you don't write like a girlfriend that you're seeing
17:59
into your will. I thought there was more of a
18:01
relationship that they didn't shed any light on.
18:03
I I don't know, it really what it comes down to is that her and
18:08
Paul are both sleeping with high schoolers slash freshly out of
18:11
high schoolers. And while they these kids might
18:14
technically be 18, so it might technically be legal, it's icky
18:16
as hell. Yeah, that's that's really the
18:19
point I was trying to get AT. And also especially Icky is Paul
18:22
picked a high schooler that just looks like a younger version of
18:27
Priscilla. Yeah, they are pretty similar.
18:30
Yeah, well, you know what the way to solve that problem is?
18:34
Become a vampire. Because in all vampire media,
18:37
you are allowed to date high schoolers, apparently.
18:40
Because everybody's totally fine with it, always, even if you're
18:42
hundreds of years old. But you have to be careful if
18:45
you are a red headed vampire because if you get recast in the
18:49
third movie, The fandom may turn on you.
18:52
Exactly. OK, absurd.
18:56
The amount of beef going on in this movie, people are.
19:01
Referring to actual beef at. The moment no, like people being
19:05
upset and just like there's so much tension and clashes
19:08
seemingly out of nowhere between random characters that just go
19:13
nowhere. It's just, it's just beefing for
19:15
the sake of beefing. And then there's like one point
19:17
where Tommy is like, trying to stop people from going down the
19:20
slide and like he's coming past Josh and feels like, man, even
19:24
I'm sick of your shit and I hate Josh and wish she was dead.
19:26
Yeah, we need to give him a break.
19:29
And it's like just there's so much of that going on, but to
19:33
be. Real though, Tommy is the only
19:35
one who has legit beef with Josh.
19:36
He has actual beef that people like.
19:38
It's justified. Fair.
19:40
Yeah. And Tommy not a cool guy.
19:41
He he seems like a like a cool. I'm not saying handle your beef
19:44
by punching people, but the beef is legit.
19:46
Sometimes in that situation right there, I think a punch is
19:49
warranted that, you know, I think he but I think the way
19:52
that he handled I think that they were trying to imply that
19:54
he had a somewhat like manipulative or like overbearing
19:59
or abusive even relationship with what's her face the
20:03
girlfriend. Kimberly.
20:05
Kimberly because he was, he was being very controlling with her.
20:09
Yeah. But still.
20:11
And again, that's another age gap relationship.
20:13
Don't know how old Tommy is, but we know that Kimberly has
20:16
dropped out of high school and is working at this water park.
20:19
So presumably, if nobody in the high school knows him, he's
20:24
probably a few years older. Yeah.
20:26
So yeah, that's a lot. So many red flags.
20:29
In this movie, age is just a thing, nobody gives a fuck.
20:33
They should they, should they everybody.
20:34
Should actually care, but you. Know we need more developed
20:39
brains this. Is Kansas movie?
20:41
I don't know what goes on up there.
20:44
All right, my absurd is the logistics of this The, the, what
20:53
do they call it? The snake?
20:54
Sea Snake Race. Yeah.
20:57
'Cause it they've got the different heats.
20:59
So we're supposed to have people presumably like we'll narrow it
21:04
down like tournament style, but it's very inconsistent on how
21:09
many people are in these heats. And also like I thought there
21:15
were huge safety risks of having this many people go down a slide
21:18
like this at once. I just.
21:20
It's like 3 at a time, but yeah, maybe.
21:22
But there are teams of like four and five.
21:25
Yeah, I don't. And then also like we have this
21:27
weird moment where it's like they're trying to have a you got
21:31
serve moment that all they're doing is just showing how they
21:34
practice, like going down the slide.
21:36
What each others shoulders? Yeah, like that made me cringe.
21:39
That was pretty bad. That was pretty.
21:41
I was like, what the fuck are we witnessing?
21:43
We got to that point and I'm like, what is even happening?
21:45
Yeah, we never. Even it didn't feel it didn't
21:47
feel real at. All this is like the climax
21:49
supposed. To be at least.
21:50
Yeah, I was like, man, any of these people can go through the
21:53
blades at this point, and the movie will pick up because this
21:56
is all weird. All right.
21:58
So what would you rate it? I I like this movie.
22:01
I had a fun time. I'd give it a 7 1/2 seven.
22:05
And 1/2, I'd give it a 6 1/2. OK, so it was starting average
22:09
of seven. And I think that's pretty fair
22:11
for this movie. I agree.
22:12
Yeah, that fits it perfectly. All right, so let's get into.
22:15
It Yep. So we have opening credits over
22:19
top of blades being sharpened. Then we go to an empty water
22:22
park at night. A couple is making out and it's
22:28
giving very like opening scene of A Walk to Remember, but if it
22:33
was a horror movie. Yeah, you said that, and I'm not
22:36
familiar with it, but those of you who are, you know, I'm sure.
22:39
Yeah, and I go up there and I appreciate this because normally
22:44
if couples are having sex in a spot where they have to be
22:46
standing up to do it, we have a very awkward like positioning of
22:49
like. How they're doing?
22:51
It, yes, and this just feels like the more realistic version,
22:55
yeah. This is the way to.
22:56
Do it. Yeah, that's it's maybe not as
22:58
cinematic, but it's more relatable.
23:00
It's true. It's true.
23:02
Yeah, they're going to town up there.
23:04
And they, they, they're wearing a condom.
23:06
Yes, they complain about it, but they're like, but you know,
23:09
we'll do it so. Safety first, people.
23:11
Yeah, well, until this person shows up with a knife and pushes
23:16
the guy off the top. We missed an opportunity to have
23:21
a horror movie reenact Stan and Franny coming in too hot at the
23:25
water park. We could have had that, but
23:28
instead our killer just stabs them and dumps them off the
23:31
tower. Yeah, come on, watch some more
23:34
American. Dads, yeah, come on.
23:36
We need more Dadders, need to become more movie directors.
23:39
Exactly. Yeah.
23:41
And, you know, like he throws him off or she throws him off.
23:45
I guess the killer throws him off.
23:47
Yeah. And then like we see body parts
23:49
from the the woman up top being dropped down too.
23:52
Yeah, yeah. We cut to a new day and a
23:56
marquee is working. The 2018 graduates of school.
24:01
Yep. I didn't write it down.
24:02
I thought I did. I don't.
24:04
Even think they say, but they do.
24:05
We do see it's Wet Valley water park.
24:08
No, it's something valley like. It's also the name of the
24:11
school. Maybe it's Wet Valley.
24:12
No, it's not. Wet Valley, like the water park,
24:14
is called Wet Valley because it's a water park.
24:16
OK, fine, fine, whatever. I don't fucking know.
24:19
Whatever. Either way, we got beef because
24:22
we got the band who are the blades, and they've pulled into
24:25
the parking lot to get their equipment.
24:26
I look this up, the Blades are a real band that they are not this
24:30
band. OK, well I'm sure there is a
24:31
band out there called the Blades.
24:33
Yeah, like, but like I pulled it up and I was like, you know, if
24:36
this movie had been made in the early 2.
24:37
Thousands. You had a real band.
24:39
Yeah, but like the gentleman that I viewed on on my streaming
24:45
app was significantly older than our.
24:50
Our. Young boys here.
24:52
Yeah, I'm sure so. Yeah, well, it's yeah, Phil is.
24:57
He's like a bully type or whatever, but he's like picking
25:00
on Josh and Chaz for no reason. I'm sorry, his name is Chip.
25:05
Chip or Chad or whatever. Chad, according to Chip, you
25:09
know, either way they're, they're getting into and they're
25:12
having like a little, you know, back and forth, but then it's
25:14
broken up. Yeah, the the Blades are
25:17
supposed to be playing at the bonfire tonight.
25:20
It's the welcoming bonfire. It's an 80s theme.
25:23
It's a grad party weekend. It's been a tradition since
25:25
1988. And then we cut to a montage of
25:29
everybody getting ready, getting fucked up and running to the
25:32
park. Yeah, good time.
25:33
Yeah, that's a good, it's a good graduationy, early summer,
25:37
spring breaky kind of montage. It's convenient because
25:39
apparently there's a hotel there also, and it seems like it's a
25:43
feature of the water park almost.
25:45
Amusement parks have like hotels and motels like very
25:50
conveniently located. Rarely this close.
25:52
This almost feels like it is a feature of the water park
25:55
because it's just right there. You know that those rooms like
25:59
the carpets are. Molding.
26:01
Yeah, so fucking nice. You can smell the mildew in the
26:04
parking. Yes, yes, but you don't care
26:06
because you're getting fucked up with your.
26:08
Friends, that's all. Yeah, and it's cheap.
26:09
Exactly. Yeah, So we see the blades are
26:13
getting set up. We have Conrad over there.
26:16
He's helping him get set up. They're.
26:18
Complaining about the beach and he's like, but it's better than
26:20
the stage at your high school, kiddos.
26:24
I mean, it's just like a tiny stage.
26:26
I don't know. Whatever, man.
26:27
Yeah, I just, I don't know. I just really like him.
26:30
He's been at the park since the 1984 opening and they're like,
26:34
oh, so you're here for the, like, murderers?
26:36
And he goes, it was just one so. He's also like, like, like not
26:40
technically a murder. They're just people happen to
26:43
die. Yeah.
26:44
So like, I, I don't know, like it.
26:47
And The thing is, I think that is the truth.
26:48
Like, nobody actually gets murdered.
26:50
I think it's just like a negligent death.
26:52
Yes. So they like people, label as a.
26:54
Murder. Yeah.
26:56
Yeah, exactly. Like definitely, you know,
27:00
lawsuits probably could have incurred, but.
27:04
Yeah, surely. Yeah, so we now see they're
27:07
doing the the girls do a car wash every year to raise money
27:11
for a thing. To send two graduates to Paris.
27:15
This storyline is immediately dropped.
27:17
It's just an excuse to get the girls.
27:20
Yeah, yeah. And gratuitous butt shots.
27:22
We get TNA here. We get a lot of CNA in this
27:24
movie. Quite a bit.
27:25
Quite a bit, yeah. And then we have Tommy, who
27:28
storms in looking for Kim. He's supposed to be at the sides
27:30
and Crystal's like you need to go back.
27:31
And he was like fuck you. I got to fight Kim and she was
27:34
like, you need to get out. Then Kim has run into Josh and
27:40
the rest of the band Bros and they're catching up because he
27:44
was like, oh, did you graduate, like to your high school?
27:46
Like, are they doing this weekend too?
27:48
And she was like, oh, no. When I like, split, I never went
27:51
back to school. I just kind of work here now.
27:53
Yeah, and then Tommy shows up. Tommy is the manager of the
27:57
water park Which? I don't think is true I.
28:00
Don't think it is either because he's getting bossed around A.
28:01
Lot yeah, like I wrote down manager in my notes and then
28:05
later on I was like, I think everybody is higher on the
28:08
hierarchy I mean besides Kim when.
28:10
When Conrad's pulling rank on you, then you know you're not
28:13
the manager. Conrad pulls rank on him a few
28:16
times. Yeah, it's like when Zoe pulls
28:18
rank on Cordelia. Exactly, this is like Cordelia
28:22
is like I'm the manager even though she's just an intern.
28:25
She's an intern, yeah. So.
28:29
Let's see. What the fuck I I wrote two
28:31
fuckers go downslide. Why did I?
28:33
Oh, cuz I guess somebody called him a fucker.
28:35
Yep, hold on one second. First of all, we get a voicemail
28:37
is being left for Michael. Apparently he is a neglectful
28:41
dad who's like, by the way, I graduated today and my band's
28:44
performing tonight if you cared. At all.
28:46
Yeah. And he's like, yeah, why don't
28:47
you come on down later? He's going to be very confused
28:49
why his dad came down. So that's going to be really
28:52
weird, but whatever. So now we cut to a shot.
28:55
And This is why the idea of having an entire graduating
28:58
class come to the water park like a stressful because these
29:00
two guys like cut line, they have bottles of whiskey with
29:04
them and they go down the slide. They don't get the proper like
29:09
safety clearance of like you're good to go now.
29:11
So when the second one comes down, he goes right into the
29:13
first one's bottle. They.
29:15
Sandwich the bottle. Yeah, and it.
29:17
I must have not been having it that day because I called them
29:19
fuckers for doing that. I don't know why but like.
29:23
You're just so I do imagine like the whole time you're watching
29:27
this. See.
29:29
'Cause you're like these fuckers are not paying attention to any
29:32
of the safety rules. Like look baby, you OK?
29:34
You OK fuckers? It's 'cause we watched Shredders
29:39
earlier this week and. It's all about the.
29:40
Rules. Yeah.
29:41
Yeah, like people do need to mind the rules.
29:44
It's the same. People die.
29:46
I know it that I mean, that's true.
29:48
It hit home. You hate you hate snowboarding
29:54
Water slider. Anything with water I don't care
29:57
if it's frozen water or like slightly cold water.
30:00
Doesn't matter, the state of matter.
30:02
Get it out, fucking end it so they have to shut down the slide
30:07
temporarily, but just keep it together here.
30:11
Come on, you're being. So bad this killed.
30:17
Me, I must have been upset about it at some point.
30:21
Like it may have been fuming. I don't know.
30:25
They they have to shut down this slide because Conrad's got to go
30:28
over there and clean the glass out of the water.
30:30
And he told us, Paul, he's like, we should really probably drain
30:32
the pool. And Paul's like no.
30:34
No, fucking wait. Just get it clean.
30:36
And that's why you're not supposed to have glass in pools,
30:38
because when glass breaks if you can't see it.
30:42
Yeah, it's clear. And it's going to go to the
30:43
bottom. You're going to step on and cut
30:44
your feet and it's just blood contamination.
30:47
Don't. Worry the bed all around.
30:49
Yeah, there's a yeah. Let's not even mind the blood in
30:52
the pool. Yeah, so the the bandmates are
30:57
checking out Priscilla. This is where we get the war
30:59
that every year she chooses one dude to bang and you know, take
31:03
his virginity basically is her thing.
31:07
Michael calls her so the Blades ask Tommy to help with the
31:12
soundtrack. Tommy is does not have the
31:15
patience for this and Josh kisses Kimberly.
31:19
Yeah, yeah. We see Persona and Michael at
31:21
dinner. Michael is rude to waitstaff and
31:24
he eats lobster really disgustingly.
31:25
This reminded me of the substance where we see Dennis
31:28
Quaid eating the food. Yeah, I could not not think of
31:32
that. Oh, it's so gross.
31:33
It's. Just it's nasty.
31:35
It's not quite as nasty as that scene here, but it's almost.
31:38
Well, it's because we only have to witness it one time.
31:41
That's true, yeah. And.
31:42
She get way too many shots of Dennis Quaid eating in the
31:44
substance. Slow motion with like the sound
31:46
amplified part of him just like slurping and licking his fingers
31:49
and stuff. It's so disgusting.
31:53
Yeah, so. Kim and Josh sneak to a locker
31:56
room. They have some fuck.
31:59
They do, They have. Those fuckers have.
32:01
Fuckers. And somebody's there recording
32:04
it on their phone. Paul sets up a black light pool
32:08
party for like a pre bonfire celebration.
32:12
And we had kind of a debate about this because I was like,
32:15
that looks pretty cool. And I said but the one place
32:18
I've there are like 2 places in this world where you don't want
32:21
a black light party situation. 1 is in your hotel room, the other
32:25
is in a public pool. Yeah, and yeah, especially with
32:29
the like, there's probably blood all over the place because they
32:31
just do not give a shit about the rules here, those fuckers.
32:34
Those fuckers. It's not safe at all.
32:37
Yeah. So it's it's party time, it's
32:40
banned bonfire time. Yeah, it's 80s theme.
32:43
They're seeing sunglasses at night and get this, get this,
32:46
it's night time and they are wearing their sunglasses.
32:50
Dude, way to go they they did it.
32:52
They're singing it in a completely different key than
32:55
the actual song. It's like a, It's a different.
32:57
Genre, it's a different tempo. Yeah.
32:59
It's like, so when you go to rehearsals for or you go to
33:05
auditions for band like say like quad state band or whatever, you
33:08
have to do sight reading. I don't know if you did stuff
33:10
like that with. That I had to, yeah.
33:11
OK. It feels like they got this song
33:15
as like a sight reading assignment for the bonfire and
33:18
they had never actually heard it.
33:20
So like for people that have never heard it doing pretty OK.
33:25
For people who have heard the song, it feels like maybe you
33:28
didn't really get it. Yeah, I can see that.
33:30
Yeah. I mean, that's very easy to get,
33:32
like go off scripts just a little bit if you don't know it.
33:35
And now we get this thing that I brought up fairly recently about
33:40
everybody just simultaneously getting text messages and
33:43
there's their phones going off at once.
33:45
See. I think that this is like,
33:47
unless, you know, like everybody here would have to have iPhones,
33:50
but it feels like an AirDrop situation because you can do
33:54
that. You can air drop it to all kinds
33:55
of people. It's just the fact that like
33:56
everybody has their phones and everybody's checking it.
33:58
Like I would love to see it more.
34:00
Like some people don't have their sound on and they're like,
34:03
wait, what does everybody think? Should I check my phone?
34:04
Like I would like to see more of that type of like because it's
34:07
not going to be simultaneous. Especially like like in the
34:10
middle of a show, like usually people like that, either you're
34:13
just doing terrible, which maybe they are, maybe like they're not
34:16
doing great. Everybody seems to be into it,
34:17
but everybody pulls out their phone and starts looking as soon
34:19
as they get a text. Like I don't do that at a
34:21
conference. Anybody who has ever tried and
34:23
to call or text me knows I'm not answering that shit right away.
34:27
Yeah, exactly same. Like I just, I can't imagine I'm
34:31
being in a situation where I'm drunk at a beach party listening
34:34
to some music, shitty or not, and that I feel, yeah, managed
34:38
to first of all even feel my phone buzz.
34:41
True cuz the vibrations of everything going on it's already
34:43
gonna over shadow that stuff. My circulation sport, I don't
34:47
feel shit. That's true.
34:48
So yeah, you. Got bad blood?
34:50
Bad blood. So yeah, like, it's the video of
34:54
Josh and Kim having sex in the shower.
34:56
I would like to add this to the list of ugly too, because that
34:59
is not cool to do to anyone. In a lot of degrees here,
35:04
sharing a video like that to a lot of people that's not cool.
35:07
Also the fact that you. Know film without consent.
35:10
Yeah, film without consent. The cheating that's going on on
35:12
Tommy here, you got to feel bad for him.
35:15
Even if you hate him as a person.
35:16
This is this is a not cool situation.
35:18
Kim did him dirty right there. So Tommy jumps up on stage and
35:23
starts just like walloping Josh. And Chaz.
35:28
Yeah, well, Chip was trying to jump in and halt.
35:30
Yeah, yeah, you know, like a good friend does.
35:32
Yeah, Priscilla breaks them up and fires Tommy on the spot and.
35:39
Then Priscilla sees. He he takes Kim with him like he
35:43
Yanks her and grabs her and is trying to take her with.
35:45
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And Priscilla sees Josh or not
35:51
Josh Paul with his young partner.
35:56
That's so creepy. Yeah.
35:58
So she gets mad and he's like, look like you do the same shit.
36:02
Like he's like, you're just mad because mine's hotter than
36:05
yours. It's really, really fucking
36:08
weird. But she storms off and.
36:10
That's when Michael shows up. He's Josh's dad, and he wants to
36:13
talk to Josh. He's like, do you like this
36:15
water park? And Josh is like, sure.
36:17
I don't know. I'm having a terrible night,
36:19
these fuckers. Fuckers texted a video of me
36:23
fucking. You know my show.
36:26
When you think about that, Dad, huh?
36:28
He's like, why are you here, Dad?
36:30
I'm. Fucking called by.
36:31
I knew the water park. Yeah, which we will find out
36:35
later. He is a goddamn lie.
36:38
Yeah, he's in negotiations. He's like if you want it, you
36:41
can have. Negotiations.
36:42
But that's not what he's negotiating.
36:45
He is negotiating to purchase the land of the water park so it
36:50
can be demoed and turned into a shopping center.
36:53
I think right here he was maybe saying, look, I'm buying the
36:57
land regardless, if you want it, you can keep.
36:59
This if you want to stay in this water park where you can have
37:03
sex with your girlfriend in a locker room.
37:06
Or do you want a mall? Do you want a mall?
37:09
There can be locker rooms in the mall too.
37:11
We can do. That malls are banging here.
37:13
It's almost 2020 buddy. There are.
37:15
Some malls that are like huge that have amusement parks in
37:18
them. That's true.
37:19
That is the thing. So.
37:21
That's true. Well, he's mad as dad, so he
37:24
storms off. Alice overhears all this, and
37:27
she goes to confront Paul and is like, you're selling the park.
37:30
And he was like, no, I mean, there's been discussions.
37:33
She's like, and you were just going to cut me out?
37:35
What, You're 18? Yeah, you're like, are you even
37:39
an employee? I don't even think she's an
37:41
employee. Yeah, like.
37:43
She's just running that. He's technically married to the
37:46
other owner. This movie has a lot of
37:48
nonsensical things going on like this right here.
37:50
It just doesn't really make any sense when you think about any
37:53
of it. I.
37:53
Honestly, like if you're going to have nonsense stuff like
37:55
this, ramp it up even more. Like lean into how absurd it is.
38:01
But yeah, so she's she's pissed and basically dumps him, I
38:05
guess. Meanwhile, Kim goes to Chad's
38:08
room because she's looking for Josh and Josh isn't there, but
38:12
then he is. Yeah.
38:13
So. So there really, there's like
38:15
nothing there. Yeah.
38:17
And they kiss, and they make Chip really uncomfortable in his
38:20
room. Yeah.
38:21
Then meanwhile, it's middle of the night.
38:23
Everybody's going to sleep. Somebody's at the water side
38:25
installing the razors. Yes.
38:29
And you know, now that I'm thinking about this, the the
38:32
pieces that are drilled out of the slides don't match the
38:35
shapes of the blades that are going through.
38:36
No, they don't. So.
38:39
I don't fucking know man. This movie didn't really try to
38:41
make much sense. It's just like we're here for a
38:43
good time, not a time that makes any sense.
38:45
These. Fuckers are so irresponsible
38:47
with their storytelling. OK so it's the next day.
38:52
Tommy is trying to get a hold of Kim, but she's ignoring all his
38:56
calls. Michael's at the park and he
39:00
basically like we get like a first person shot of the killer,
39:03
like coming towards him. He's like, what do you want?
39:05
Oh no. And like he gets shot and then
39:07
backed into an equipment room or whatever, and we find the bodies
39:11
of the lifeguards who were killed in the opening and he
39:14
gets shot. Yep.
39:17
So there we. Go.
39:19
Yeah, no. Then we cut to Tommy calling
39:21
Kim, texting Kim. Conrad comes up, drops himself
39:25
in the car, and we just need to talk about this because Conrad
39:27
is truly the light of this movie.
39:29
I mean, he's spitting truth here.
39:30
Like he's like, look, dude, like the guy's like, leave me alone.
39:33
He's like, son, you're already alone.
39:36
Like he's like, leave her alone. Like she doesn't want you, just
39:38
like she's too much trouble. At this point he's like the chef
39:41
and waiting like. Yeah, he is.
39:44
Yeah, he's got. He's just dropping with some
39:47
right here. But Tommy ain't hearing any of
39:49
it. He's like get the fuck out of my
39:50
car. Yeah, so we see I wrote the kid
39:55
with the casus on beach, according to you.
39:58
Yeah, he had a car. He is like a like a dog whose
40:02
nail gets cut a little bit too much and to stop the bleeding
40:05
from around the house, you tie a bag around there.
40:07
It's. Yeah, I feel bad for him
40:08
regardless here, I don't care. The mom is being a little bit
40:11
negligent. A little bit I.
40:13
Mean entirely, but hey, guess what?
40:15
He finds a Walkman. He finds a Walkman that still
40:18
functions I. Don't even know how.
40:20
And has working batteries like we rewatched in a violent nature
40:24
last weekend and the batteries on that Walkman died overnight.
40:27
Yeah. All right.
40:30
So Tommy then sees underneath one of the slides that there's
40:34
blood. It's in the grass.
40:38
Yeah. Oh, wait.
40:41
No, that's Conrad. Conrad finds out time.
40:44
You will find blood in the grass later as well.
40:47
But Conrad, you know, he turns on the water anyway.
40:49
He's like whatever Slim and Priscilla are hooking up by the
40:52
slides and. Paul busted.
40:55
Up they fight, but he is just like, whatever, like we're I,
40:59
we're missing two of our lifeguards.
41:01
Just go back to the slides. So sea, sea snake time.
41:05
And then this is not an innuendo.
41:09
No, no, this is what they call it.
41:11
The race. Yeah, so they're all gathering
41:13
up outside the slide and they're forming their teams, and then we
41:16
have like a fucking sea snake off.
41:18
Go on right here. Look at our moves and I had like
41:21
they're. It's like a Congo 1.
41:23
We weren't really given context for this in the moment.
41:26
No and absolutely none. And it was I My skin shriveled
41:30
up and fell off my bones. I was cringing so hard.
41:33
It was bad. It was really bad and Slim ran
41:37
off because Priscilla said that his name was too accurate and he
41:40
was not showing his face. So Chum and Josh are down a
41:47
person. They convinced Kim to be on
41:49
their team. Kim is supposed to be minding
41:51
the sign up table and she's like whatever it'll be fine.
41:53
Like I'll go right back down at. Nobody's following the rules
41:56
around here in any ways. It's fuckers.
41:58
Five employees. There were not enough employees
42:01
anyway, no. There were not.
42:04
And Tommy shows up as a customer and Priscilla tries to kick out,
42:09
but Paul's like, hold on, hold on.
42:11
He's fine. He's here.
42:12
He's a paying customer. Yeah, yeah, let him in like no,
42:15
because like she was like, I'm going to call the cops if you
42:17
don't go anywhere. And he's like, I don't want cops
42:19
anywhere around here because I mean, obviously he's doing a lot
42:21
of illegal shit with, you know, teenagers.
42:24
Yes, around. It's it's not going to be a
42:25
goodwill. Person, there's so many drugs.
42:27
Yeah, we haven't even discussed the drugs, but there are.
42:30
Everybody is high the entire time.
42:33
That's this movie. And also Chad is in a Speedo and
42:36
is trying to get Josh to wear one too.
42:37
It's Olympic grade, he says. They will slide so.
42:39
Fast. They take this so seriously.
42:42
What's the prize? Even they didn't say. $500.
42:45
Is it? Yeah, Yeah.
42:46
OK. Well, all right.
42:47
I guess I would do it for $500 I guess.
42:50
You would wear a Speedo. If I have to for $500, if
42:54
somebody's like I will give you $500 right now to go down the
42:57
slide and Speedo, I would do it. Right.
42:59
That's $500, man. All right, you all the link to
43:02
our fingers is very fun we're. Showing up.
43:08
Oh God, but you got to go and you got to get another ultra
43:13
wedgie. Listen.
43:15
I for $500, that's $1000 net for this family.
43:18
Jesse, can you say no to that? I suppose I can't.
43:22
Exactly. Talia has a lot of vet bills.
43:24
She does. She does do it for the family.
43:28
Do it. For the family, OK, this you
43:30
know what? WWDTD.
43:34
Exactly. Yeah.
43:36
So they are all going up, queuing up to get in line or
43:41
whatever you. Know what?
43:42
Sorry just a side note, if we can figure out how to make like
43:47
rubber bracelet merches with WWDTD, would you all be into
43:52
that? Yeah, let us know.
43:54
What would Dominic Tredo do? If you want those bracelets, let
43:56
us know and we'll see if we want to make that merch happen.
43:59
OK there. Yeah, let's, let's try it, OK.
44:02
I love live recordings because I just say shit that comes to my
44:06
head. And you can't take it out.
44:07
Yeah, no, that's just it's it's there.
44:10
All right. Tommy notices that there are
44:13
like drills, like somebody drilled into the slide because
44:16
it's like leaking a little bit of water.
44:17
Yes, and like Tommy has also seen these videos of the the
44:21
slides. Yeah.
44:22
Exactly. So he's going up there trying to
44:25
warn everybody. Meanwhile it's two way.
44:27
We've already had the first group of people go down one one
44:30
of them. Being.
44:31
Josh and Chris. He gives me the energy of the
44:34
girl on the water skis in the opening of Sleep away camp.
44:38
She's like. Stop the boat and nobody
44:41
listens. Yeah, you're.
44:43
Right. Well, nobody listens.
44:45
Yeah, and we get 3 people going down.
44:48
This is actually the most tense moment of the film because we
44:50
don't know who's gonna hit these.
44:52
Players. Yeah, you're right.
44:53
Yeah, it could be any of the three teams going down.
44:56
So we see Josh, Kim and Chip make it down to the bottom.
45:01
The goth kids. Goth kids make it down to the.
45:03
Bottom And it's Alice and her crew that hit Get cut, get cut.
45:08
Tommy also gets pushed into the slide because everybody's sick
45:12
of dealing with him. See, the way that I thought I
45:14
was gonna go, though, so, like, all three of them died, but
45:16
like, there's a jam. Yeah.
45:18
So it shouldn't have killed all three of them.
45:20
It it cuts. They were well, because they
45:23
were going so fast. So Alice goes through because
45:26
she was in the lead. She's in the front of her group,
45:29
and she is cut all the way through the second person.
45:32
I think the blades are like mostly through her.
45:34
The person behind her is cut up. It was like, yeah, it was cut up
45:37
trying to, like, stop themselves.
45:39
And when Tommy gets down there, he like, knows something's up.
45:41
So he's like working on. She's already self dead by the
45:44
way. The third person is.
45:47
Yeah, I don't know if she's like bleeding out.
45:49
I don't know where she was cut. Kind.
45:50
Of hit an artery. Yeah, that's true.
45:52
So he's just like holding on until another group comes in and
45:56
then the force of that pushes. Him in, yeah.
45:59
Chops his head off. Meanwhile, down at the bottom,
46:01
Conrad, who's good at his job, he is coming out of lifeguard
46:07
retirement, as they say. And he's like, oh shit, there's
46:10
blood. And he calls up on the radio.
46:11
He's like, hey, stop the race. The radios are not working
46:15
because Paul is a cheap fucker. They're probably just on the
46:19
wrong channel. I imagine neither of these
46:22
people are confident that. This don't even care to get the
46:25
all clear. That's like one of the biggest
46:27
safety things is like you have to wait for the all clear.
46:29
I get it for Priscilla, but for Paul, like Paul doesn't really
46:33
give a shit, you know? He's always bad at his job.
46:35
Yeah, he's bad at his job. And so Conrad, realizing that
46:39
they're not hearing him, tries to get down because there's
46:41
chaos, because there's just blood all through the pool.
46:44
Apparently the lifeguards are not able to see down into the
46:46
pool from the top of the tower. I don't understand how like I
46:49
feel like you have to check and see everything is clear.
46:52
Yeah. So he tries to jump down to help
46:55
out. And his, like, his ankle, the
46:59
sole of his foot is almost pointing up at the sky.
47:02
The way he lands, it's bad. It's broken.
47:04
Yeah. And so everybody's just, like,
47:07
panicking. Kim is frozen.
47:08
Josh is trying to, like, climb up the slide.
47:11
And then he realizes that's not going to work.
47:13
So he climbs like the tower. Yeah, and at the top we have a
47:18
team that's missing two people, so Priscilla's like, fuck it,
47:21
Paul, let's just go like we'll join the team.
47:24
So they each go on a team and they go down too.
47:27
Yeah, and Paul's team, like he gets separated from them and
47:31
Josh is like trying to help him out and he's like, I can't, man.
47:35
I just. He's like he's selling them the
47:38
crawl off of the slide. Yeah, he's like, I'm here to
47:42
help you. Like we can climb down.
47:44
And he's like, I can't. It's tough.
47:46
I can't. Yeah.
47:47
So he just dies. Yeah, just dies.
47:52
I mean, yeah, right here. We just have like several shots
47:54
of people just continuing to fall through the blade and
47:58
nobody doing shit about it. Yeah, it's like, and it's just
48:01
mass hysteria down there. Kim goes to turn off the water
48:04
and she finds all of the other bodies.
48:08
Josh is trying to stop the other kids from going down and Conrad
48:13
is doing his best, but nobody's listening.
48:16
Conrad gets thrown down and then it just kind of fades to black
48:19
that we hear a news report saying that they're like 30
48:22
years after the 35 years after the. 30 years because she's in
48:27
her 30s at this point. Priscilla is there were nine
48:32
people dead. I'm really confused because she
48:36
supposedly graduated in 92, the park opened in 84 so.
48:42
I looked it up. The actress was born in 88.
48:45
Yeah, like they cast somebody who's like.
48:48
Younger. Yeah, yeah, just the whole thing
48:50
is very confusing. Whatever.
48:51
It doesn't make any sense. The news is reporting this as
48:54
Michael had a like psychotic break and did like murder
48:59
suicides and Josh now has to like approve of the last
49:06
transaction that was almost finalized before he can receive
49:09
the trust which is a shopping mall that was going to be built
49:13
on the Wet Valley water park after raising the park.
49:16
Yeah, and he gets a check for $20 million.
49:20
And it goes to Priscilla and then we see her like slow motion
49:24
walk through the locker room and they flashback to her being a
49:28
child and going. Yeah, and then she emerges from
49:32
the pool and she's just got this, like, blank look on her
49:34
face. And the lifeguards are making
49:36
out. Yeah, so she's the killer.
49:38
And then that's where the movie cuts to black.
49:41
But we do have a mid credits scene.
49:44
Oh I thought it was post credit. No, it was mid credit.
49:47
OK, and it's the kid that is either with a broken leg or with
49:52
a cut leg? Something with his leg.
49:54
He he fell into the pool of blood during all that chaos
49:57
before. And I think the mom also got
50:00
hurt or something. I don't.
50:01
Remember, she was all sufficient in the pool.
50:02
Yeah, and we see him emerge like Priscilla did when she was a
50:07
kid, kind of implying that he's gonna maybe become a killer,
50:10
too. I don't know, but that's how the
50:13
movie ends. Like I said, I feel like this
50:15
movie would work super well as a short.
50:19
Yeah, yeah. I mean, you can condense a lot
50:22
of this because there's not a lot of meat on the bones here.
50:24
Yeah, it's a very bare bones story.
50:27
I think there are ways if you wanted this to be a feature film
50:30
that it could work as a feature film.
50:32
I just this needed it needed a few more drafts.
50:35
I think it needed maybe more of like somebody of bounce ideas
50:39
off of us. Yeah, I think so too.
50:41
But you know, like for like a pretty low budget movie, I give
50:46
you props. Whoever did this, you did a good
50:49
job. I had a good time with it still.
50:51
I'm going to keep my score to 6.5.
50:53
I'll keep my I'll make it. I'll make it.
50:56
No, we'll keep it 7 1/2 because I like the like the overall
50:59
score being a 7 because that's, I feel like appropriate for
51:02
this. OK.
51:04
All right, dream sequel. Well, do we do like, I mean, do
51:14
we do that kid be I don't want to do that.
51:16
Like, let's keep it with our cast here.
51:19
Yeah, I want what? Fuck it, let's get it on a
51:22
cruise ship. Maybe Josh's band is like has a
51:25
gig as a band on a cruise ship. Maybe.
51:29
Maybe they just like. Oh my God.
51:31
And we do have Priscilla come back and she's the killer again,
51:34
but she's recaps with Bryce Dallas Howard.
51:37
Oh my God. Yeah.
51:40
Maybe like with that $20 million she bought the cruise.
51:43
Yes. Ship or whatever you know like
51:46
it's her company yes and yeah I don't know like like they get
51:50
like this crazy offer she's. Not the killer, but somebody
51:53
else. It's the boy.
51:54
He's trying to get revenge on her.
51:57
Could be, but I like the idea of her like buying this cruise ship
52:01
and then like the band the blades randomly gets us off for
52:04
for like a you can't turn this amount of money down so that
52:07
worries them there. Even though Josh in theory could
52:10
because it's implied he's very rich in his trust.
52:13
True, but she is too. I don't know.
52:15
He he wants to keep it grounded, man.
52:17
He wants to give you like the impression that he is like an
52:20
indie artist. Yeah.
52:22
You can't get too rich or else people look down on you, sell
52:25
out. Yeah.
52:27
OK. OK, I like that.
52:30
Who did you relate to? Well, I don't know man.
52:40
I I related to chip full Chaz Chad guy for I would also wear a
52:49
Speedo for $500.00 so. That's fair.
52:52
Yeah, I guess I probably relate to Conrad because I've
53:03
definitely had that moment of like, trying to be responsible
53:07
and also having to come to Jesus talks with people around me,
53:11
like. Yeah, that's true.
53:12
OK. Can you just accept this?
53:14
Yeah, OK. Yeah, gotta impart that wisdom.
53:17
There you go. No, I have a very important
53:19
question for you. Yeah.
53:20
What was Scout's favorite? This is a tough one because
53:23
there's so much for Scout to love in this.
53:25
Movie. Absolutely.
53:26
Murder Tiny. Little sadist.
53:28
Man, it doesn't like no matter what I say, it's going to be
53:32
wrong. So I'm going to say when people
53:34
were just kind of chilling in the pool of blood water.
53:39
Oh, you're so close. But obviously her favorite part
53:42
was the chaos around the pool of bread.
53:45
OK, OK, yeah, cuz I mean, everybody's losing their fucking
53:48
mind. That's Scout's ultimate goal.
53:51
Like is Scout could have just been sitting on Conrad's
53:54
lifeguard chair, just like eating in that scenery.
53:58
She would have. It's been like licking her paws.
54:00
Just. Like, yeah.
54:04
Yeah, OK. OK.
54:07
All right. Have we got anything?
54:12
Do we do DOMS? We can do Dom.
54:14
Yeah, we can do. What would Dominic Trotto do?
54:17
WWDTD. Oh boy, what would he do here?
54:21
I don't know if there's much. Listen, he.
54:25
I think Dom would die. This is how you get Dom.
54:28
Would he find a way to try and get a car onto a water slide?
54:36
Yes, because for some reason Dom strikes me as the type of guy
54:40
that doesn't know how to swim. Like I feel like that's his one
54:44
weakness. So he's like, look, I'm going to
54:47
like. That's why he like keeps just
54:50
taking cars into oceans with him, because the car will float
54:53
long enough for somebody to come along.
54:55
The car is a better swimmer than he is.
54:57
Yeah. So that's.
54:58
Yeah. He's like how he figured out
54:59
he's going to figure out a way to drive his car up to the top
55:02
there. Don't ask how it's going to get
55:03
done. It's going to get done.
55:04
And if they have to get dropped down by Mr. Nobody, it's going
55:06
to happen. Mr. Nobody owes them favors.
55:09
Exactly. So they'll just take the car
55:11
down the thing and then the blades won't be able to
55:14
penetrate the car in them. So they'll know what's happening
55:17
and they'll jam up the side. Nobody's going.
55:19
To get caught, be on the one with the blades and she'll just
55:21
turn her motorcycle like yeah, she'll slide right underneath it
55:24
somehow. Don't ask me how the physics of
55:26
that works. It would work.
55:27
It works. It's a Fast and Furious movie.
55:29
Yeah, it doesn't have to make sense.
55:31
OK, cool. All right, So we got that.
55:33
And I've got 2 reviews. Yeah, OK.
55:36
So I'm gonna start with the three out of 10 because I think
55:39
you're gonna love my 10 out of 10 that I pulled, and I'm glad
55:42
my instincts are correct on it. All right, cool. 3 out of 10.
55:45
Boring and very slow. Let me start by saying I love
55:48
horror movies, especially slasher flicks.
55:50
The idea of the movie was really quite good on original.
55:53
Unfortunately, the script and pace of the movie were awful.
55:56
On the plus side, cinematography was pretty good and the acting
55:58
was a lot better than in some horror movies I've seen.
56:00
The reason I've given it three stars rather than 5.
56:02
Movie lasts 70 minutes. 50 minutes of utter boring.
56:06
Yeah, I mean for 50 minutes there's not a lot of shit going
56:08
down, you know, like. And I will say, like they agreed
56:11
with a lot of the good points we brought up, like the
56:13
cinematography, the acting. And I did say that I didn't love
56:17
the pacing so. Yeah.
56:19
I think though, those strengths were enough for me to give it a
56:23
pass for a lot of that stuff because I still had a good time
56:25
overall. Yeah, like I enjoyed the ride.
56:28
Yeah, same. Yeah.
56:29
But those are very quickly and good points.
56:32
I agree with all of it. OK all.
56:34
Right, what's the good hit me? 10 out of 10 The The review is
56:38
titled I Love Conrad. OK.
56:42
Conrad is the best final girl 10 stars for him and him living.
56:46
I love Conrad so much he is perfect. 10 stars Conrad I'm
56:49
your biggest fan love you can't wait for Aqua slash 2.
56:52
Blood and gore is amazing for this type of movie.
56:54
I always love horror movies with confusing plots but that doesn't
56:58
matter because Conrad is the GOAT.
57:00
I love him and this movie it's perfect and everyone should
57:03
watch. Creators need to make a Part 2.
57:05
I would love more of this but make sure Conrad doesn't die.
57:08
I love Conrad so much. Conrad I'm your biggest fan.
57:11
Great movie, 10 out of 10 watch. Highly recommend.
57:13
Great. Conrad.
57:14
No, it's in Conrad. Yeah.
57:17
Wow. You know, like, he's a good
57:19
character, but I didn't think anybody would be that in love
57:21
with that character. I mean, that's the whole reason
57:24
they love the movie. Yeah, if that's what works.
57:26
Yeah, that's what works. For you.
57:27
I'm happy for you. Yeah.
57:29
He's a great character. I agree.
57:30
If if there are no Conrad fans in this world, that reviewer has
57:34
died, Yeah. All right, well, I guess that
57:38
does it for this one. It does.
57:40
We're going to be talking about fall, which has a lot less water
57:44
and a lot more height. Yeah.
57:47
So. Scary.
57:48
That's coming. Up on Thursday, unless you're a
57:50
patron, and then it'll be up on the Patreon feed whenever we're
57:54
done editing for the. Week that is correct so be on
57:56
the lookout for that we. Want to go ahead and thank our
58:00
bubbies? Over on the Patreon we have Joe
58:02
Freakatron, as is his name, Amber, Michael, Lord Zombie,
58:07
Tyler, Johnny and Jason and Chip.
58:10
I mean Chaz. I mean Chum Chad.
58:15
Thanks guys. We appreciate y'all support.
58:17
If you want to help us in other ways that don't involve paying
58:20
money, that's totally cool. We get it.
58:22
You can go and like us and subscribe or follow wherever you
58:25
listen. You can rate US, drop a review.
58:28
Those are all cool things to do. You can come visit us on our
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58:34
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58:37
least fav pod, and we have a Gmail where you can e-mail us
58:41
least favorite scarymovie@gmail.com and a
58:43
website. What's your least favorite Scary
58:44
movie.com. All right, I think that does it
58:48
for our bonus episode this month.
58:50
We will see you next time. All right, bye.